All At Once
by newsgirl83
Summary: Damon and Elena have been in an extremely casual arrangement for a month when he assumes temporary custody of his teenage nephew. Follow them on a journey as 'nothing' may just turn into 'everything' if they can overcome dark pasts & biggest fears.
1. Prologue

**A/N: I never do this. I never have two current stories going on at once, but I couldn't make it. This is a very different version of Damon and Elena than the ones in HME and SIUTK. It's been rewarding writing a different situation for them. **

**One again, we have the prologue. We'll start out in present time, back fill with a few flashback that got them there…most of you know my formula by now. Once this chapter is through we'll go back in time to some of their time together in the early stages of their relationship and see where things are currently.**

** But expect more lighthearted moments in this than in my others. Damon's new situation will be breeding ground for lots of interesting conversations, I'm sure. And we always have our Elena…the one who's so unsure of what she wants at all times. **

**We'll start with a focus on Elena's point of view. Once she leaves, we'll see Damon's thoughts and fears. **

**Shout out to dutch_treat who has been my sounding board along the way and helped me fine tune some of my plans! :D**

**Thank you for reading. I hope to hear your thoughts. Thank you!**

* * *

**All At Once**

**Prologue**

"No, absolutely not," Damon scoffed. He was out of bed in a flash, his half naked body walking the length of the bed. "I am _not_ the right choice. What? I don't know…no, no I don't want that," he sighed in defeat. "So how does this work then?"

Elena watched his slow pace, her eyes eating him alive…doing the things her body hadn't gotten a chance to do to him that afternoon. She'd had him before, several times, but she was insatiable when it came to Damon Salvatore naked. His torso was bare, beautiful. His dark grey sweatpants hung low off his hips. When it came to casual sex, Damon was the perfect man for the job. He was wild, free. He never asked her to stay afterward and he never invited her to anything with him outside of their hookups. Their lives were completely separate aside from their multiple sexcapades during the week. That was the way she liked it. It was exactly what she needed.

His hand ruffled through his hair. His cheeks were red from the start of excursion minutes ago, but the color had completely drained from them now. Serious phone calls really killed his sex-drive, it seemed.

"When? Two days?" he yelled. "I need more time than that. No…" his voice was loud, hoarse, she noticed.

Elena tied her hair up quickly, stretching her arms above her head. He looked busy and disinterested in her now. The person on the other end of the call must've been important to have him in such a jumble. Or maybe he was frazzled that he'd been pulled away from her like that. Then again, he wasn't one to silence his phone. It wasn't like he had to impress her beyond the physical things. He didn't have to worry about hurting her feelings. They had an agreement: Sex and _only_ sex.

"Yeah... I suppose so, then," he sighed through the phone, tugging his hair upward. He looked stressed. Damon wasn't a man who was easily bothered. Things seemed to slide off his shoulders easily, she'd noticed.

She didn't know the reasons, but he'd told her right off the bat that he wasn't capable of more than sex. He didn't allow himself to be attached to things or people, so emotions weren't attached either. It was fine by her. She felt the same.

But Elena had never seen the look she saw now in his very blue, very beautiful eyes. He looked intimidated, worried. She wasn't supposed to _see_ that let alone be bothered by it. She dismissed the thought quickly when his conversation ended abruptly.

He slammed his phone down on his dresser, and shook his head. "Well fuck!" He slipped out of his drawstring pants and threw on dark jeans and a teal button up shirt.

"Should I go? Do you need to leave?" she threw the black sheets off her knees and scooted out of the bed slowly.

"I don't know what I need," he frowned, clasping on his watch. "This is why I don't have responsibilities, Elena." He checked the time, as if he were suddenly late for an appointment.

They'd been 'seeing' each other for a month and they'd never had a more serious conversation than 'your place or mine?' She knew his favorite sex position and choice of alcohol, but she didn't know the simplest things about him. What was his favorite food? Did he have siblings? Had he always lived in Los Angeles?

It was probably better that way. She didn't exactly want him sorting through her heart, either. There were things she could barely think about herself, let alone share them with another person, a man. Those memories… that pain was meant to stay dead. It had all happened so early in her life. She'd always believed it had happened _then_ so she could still grow up…so she could still have a shot at a normal, happy life.

But her state of mind was anything but normal. No little girl grew up dreaming of a lonely life.

She pulled her black tank top back over her head and slipped on her jeans quickly. It was time to go. He was saying too much; rules were about to be broken and she wasn't going to stick around for it. "Okay well…I need to be at work in four hours anyway, so I'll just leave now and…"

But he heard nothing and he interrupted her attempt at an exit with flailing arms and wild eyes.

"Why the hell do they think _I'm_ good for him? I haven't talked to my brother in two years! I have no relationship with my nephew at all….I think I bought him a pack of baseball cards when he was six and wouldn't stop crying at Walmart…" he frowned.

"Um…" she pursed her lips. Had he forgotten about their agreement? "Maybe I'm not the person to talk to about this…whatever it is…" she began.

"Things are going to get really hard, really fast," he choked out. "And not in the usual way, if you catch my drift," he smiled, but it faded quickly. _There_ was the man who backed her into the wall and made her forget everything for a few hours a week. "This is serious stuff, Elena."

"Okay…" she swallowed. "That's fine. No big deal," she grabbed her car keys. "You don't have to explain it to me. It's not like that with us, you know that."

But Damon just threw his arms up in the air in exasperation. He was at it again…the pacing. It was unlike him to be so unnerved, and with the little amount of information she was letting him say, she only had an idea of what he was so torn up about. Was it cruel to ignore him, or was she just keeping them on track?

It didn't matter. He was yelling again.

"I can't raise a kid, Elena! Look at me!" He points around his room. "I live in a tiny apartment. I haven't done my laundry in three weeks. The last home cooked meal I ate was two months ago when my Mother begged me go there for dinner. This morning for breakfast I had a bowl of Cap'n Crunch and two beers. Do I seem ready for this?" He heaved.

He must have a weakness for his mother, she thought.

All the sudden he was rambling, revealing small details about his life that she'd never cared to know. It was getting too personal; he was revealing too much information at one time.

"I…" her mouth took a few tries at words but she came up with nothing.

His apartment wasn't _that_ messy….

Three weeks? He hardly looked the slob! He was one of the best dressed men she'd ever laid eyes on. And the best undressed…

"Leave it to Stefan to land his stupid ass in jail," he bit out. "His ex-wife is a fucking junky, Elena. What else am I supposed to do? The kid can't go there…and foster care…ugh…I'm a really bad uncle..._shit_…." he swallowed. "I don't even know where to start. I have two days before he gets here,"

Yes, now the pieces were coming together. Their non-relationship had to end. He was about to have responsibilities…ones she wasn't comfortable with.

"I'll leave you alone, then. We can just be done," she pointed between them, rushing toward the door. She caught him staring at her, his mouth wide open. He seemed surprised she was bailing when he was trying to talk to her. "It sounds like you're going to have enough going on. We promised…"

His eyes were unsettling. They flashed with fear and loneliness for a second before he fell into his usual shrug. "Yeah, sure. No big deal," he recovered. But he looked around the room with the feeling she'd forgotten something.

"Right," she smiled appreciatively. "I had fun with you. Our very non-relationship was just what I needed. See you around, Damon," she flashed him a reminding smile.

"Yeah, fun," he nodded and watched her close the door behind her. And just like that, another random woman was out of his life. Elena Gilbert would be just another contact in his phone now.

* * *

He fell back onto his bed, hands on his face, palms pressed tightly into his eyes.

A kid…a teenager! Chase was only fourteen years old and he'd already been through more hell than Damon had in a lifetime. Damon's life hadn't been a picnic, but he wasn't afraid of attachments because of something in his past; he just didn't think he needed people. Things would just get too messy if he started caring about a woman.

His brother had given their family a run for their money back in the day, but his parents were still married and nothing bad had really happened that couldn't be repaired. At least not until Stefan's stupid ass had landed in jail.

Stefan was an okay father. He wasn't spectacular, from what Damon could tell. He would've liked to believe that he would choose his son over a dangerous lifestyle.

He'd picked a loser of a woman to get pregnant when he was twenty and married her out of obligation. By the time Chase was 10 his parents were divorced and Caroline was in her first round of rehab in Beverly Hills. But after rounds two, three and four, it was painfully obvious she'd never be fit to raise their child again. Stefan was granted full-custody, but he was a stupid man when it came to her. Although he'd divorced Caroline he'd followed her back to her home in Mystic Falls, Virginia, worried she'd do something ridiculous and end up dead. The truth was he'd fallen in love with that mess. He still loved her…he just couldn't be married to a drug addict anymore. Married or not married, he was doomed. So guilty or not, he'd chosen the life he led.

Chase's life could've been better by now. It should've been easy. He shouldn't have to move back to Los Angeles and move in with an uncle who couldn't even get himself to bed at a decent time. Damon wasn't responsible! He drank until 3 in the morning when he felt like it. He went to work hung over or didn't go in at all. He'd brought at least different five women home in the last two months…that meant four in one month. His 'non-relationship' with Elena had been exclusive. Imagine that!

She never said he couldn't be with other women…he just hadn't wanted to. It was strange and different. It was something he didn't spend too much time examining.

He'd had exactly _one_ girlfriend when he was in high school. He'd broken up with her after two months of dating because he didn't want to go to dances and parties and social events with her. She'd said he didn't understand what being a boyfriend meant. So he never tried again. He never let himself be labeled by anyone again. Casual sex became the norm for him. It was gratifying and made him feel powerful, in control.

He was 30-years-old and his father had been on his case about growing up for the last nine years. He had no other choice now, did he? Why couldn't his parents just take care of Chase? He actually knew _them_. They actually had a relationship with him. They were older…nearing 70 soon. Stefan had been a miracle baby late in life…and four years later, Damon was an accident.

He wandered into the hallway and looked into the spare bedroom where he kept his computer and a bunch of trophies from high school. He hadn't been a _bad_ teenager. He'd done well in school without trying very hard. He was intelligent; good grades came easily. He didn't work to impress anyone, it happened automatically.

He'd been an all-star pitcher on their baseball team and had his pick of popular girls in his bed whenever he wanted. But he'd never done drugs; he'd never driven drunk and he'd never run away…three things his brother _had_ done in high school. It was a small accomplishment, but one nonetheless.

Oh, his parents had rolled their eyes at him several times, but they'd concentrated their efforts on Stefan by then, who'd already gotten a random girl at college pregnant. Suddenly Damon's attitude and curfew breaking didn't seem so bad. His little indiscretions were mild compared to creating the next generation of Salvatore men with random future druggies.

Had he been overlooked? Maybe! But flying under the radar was easier than being watched like a hawk. His relationship with his father was different. They weren't confidants and they weren't enemies. They could hold a conversation about more than the weather, but they rarely made time to do so. His mother insisted Giuseppe was just a different kind of father. He wasn't emotional or overly affectionate. He loved his sons from a distance.

Perhaps Damon's choice to live free of attachments hadn't sprung out of nowhere. His Dad's parenting hadn't given him good examples of how to care for a child. Damon actually _wanted_ to do a good job with Chase. He just feared he lacked the father-son experience he needed to do so.

Damon was never supposed to be a father, clearly. He had to remind himself that this was only temporary…that Chase wouldn't see him as a Dad. He _knew_ his father. He wasn't dead, he was just stupid.

Damon's mother, Janie, was his heart. She was the only person in the world he could be honest with now that Stefan was lost. He could open his heart to her easily. He shared more with her because he knew a mother's love was different. It was unconditional and forgiving. Sure, she made him feel slightly bad about not visiting enough or about not wanting anything serious in life. But he'd never actually admit _that_ to her. It was easier to just not address his commitment issues.

Her boys were very different from each other. One loved too much and the other not enough. Damon could hardly see himself as the bad one when Stefan's blind love had led him to destruction.

But just because he hadn't been as bad as Stefan as a kid didn't mean he was going to be okay taking care of a child. He didn't know the first thing about setting or enforcing rules. He did what he wanted, when he wanted, and if people didn't like it, he didn't need them. He didn't care about others' opinions, they didn't change a thing; never had, never would, he figured. Even his mother's reminders weren't enough to make him change.

_He_ had opinions, however, and he wasn't one to keep them to himself. It was funny how it worked. He was a hypocrite and he knew it. But again, he didn't care. That was just another label. If someone had a problem with the way he worked or played, they could screw off. He didn't need anyone other than his family.

His sarcastic comments and loose morals had gotten him a few frowning stares over the years, but it only fueled the fire. He reveled in the fact that he could be a challenge at work…to women… he was unattainable. People could reach and reach and reach but they'd never actually get him, not for very long. He'd never let anyone close enough to really have the chance.

But a child wasn't a woman or a means to make money. His nephew was a young, impressionable man. He was someone who had to answer to _him_, not the other way around. He couldn't keep his careless mindset about him. Chase would depend on him to make the right decisions, and that wasn't something he'd _ever_ had to think about. Damon didn't think about his actions. He did them and dealt with the consequences later.

If he had to care about someone, his nephew was a good start. He'd love his family before anyone else. There was just no way to say 'no' to this, even if it scared the living daylights out of him.

* * *

"So, about your brother...," Janie's voice was shaky on the phone just hours after Elena left. "No doubt that devil woman had something to do with it. Stefan has been so much better lately. I'm just so shocked. It can't be true. He's been set up…"

"Can't say_ I'm_ surprised," he rolled his eyes. "Last time I talked to him he was still following Caroline like a lost puppy. I guess the divorce was just a formality. That idiot's going to end up dead if he keeps at it. And Chase…well that kid's been shit-out-of-luck since the day he was born. Poor kid doesn't even know what a family is. His mother's a lost cause. Stefan can do no wrong in your eyes…"

Maybe the fact that Chase had grown up in a non-traditional family setting would make it easier. Damon's biggest concern was that he'd screw him up even more than he probably already was. But his mother acted as if this was a blessing in disguise. One brother helping another…family helping family, as it always should. Maybe everything had happened for a reason so Chase could get away from his problems for a while.

"You have a lot of opinions considering you haven't spoken to any of them in two years," her voice sent a warning. She was disappointed enough in one of her sons. She wanted so much to have faith in and rely on the other one.

"It's the way I live. I don't…I keep my distance. And it's a good thing, too. If Stefan and I were still best friends like we once were, I'd be a lot more hurt right now. But since we aren't, I'm not. It's more of a 'I told you so' feeling. We had a discussion two years ago. I told him my feelings and he laughed. It's simple as that, Mother. Now I just don't care. I feel bad for Chase, but sympathy doesn't mean I'm prepared for something like this."

"You're brothers. You care. Nothing will change that. You are stubborn as hell. I hate to say it but your father's that way, too. People make mistakes, Damon…"

"I'm sorry, Mom," he started. "I get that he's your oldest son, your miracle baby and all that. But the truth is he screwed up. Guilty or not, he stayed involved with a woman and he put himself and his son in danger. Maybe you should start thinking about how much Chase has been hurting."

Now that he mentioned it, why had _he_ not thought about it? His brother had made him angry but he'd never given a second thought to Chase's welfare until now…when _he'd_ have to pick up the pieces. Maybe _that_ was selfish, too.

"I have," she swallowed, "But you're right. If I allow myself to believe Stefan's guilty, I'll feel I failed as a mother. I'm quick to forgive."

"Yeah well forgiveness isn't the issue. The issue is he's stupid and doesn't listen. I don't let shit people say bother me, not even from him. I shrug it off. It's the way I am. Who cares what people think? As long as you know what you want, you're good."

"But you're sweet with me, Damon. You're a good man. If you'd just let your self be happy…settle down, find a nice woman…"

"I am happy," he swallowed. "My life was perfect. I like being single. I like coming and going when I please. I like eating McDonalds and Taco Bell for dinner every night, sometimes at 1 in the morning. So maybe I'm not the best guy for this job," he sighed. "I'm not good at the tied down thing. It's why I don't have pets,"

"You're the _only_ man for the job. You're the Godfather, son. Stefan requested you and you were thrilled."

"Years ago before I knew he'd lost his damn mind. I was 16 when he was born…I didn't know the responsibility I was taking on. Surely his godmother would be better. Bonnie's surely more fit to take care of a child than I am…" he searched for options that he knew just didn't exist. "She has two of her own kids. What's one more?"

What's one more? He had no idea.

"Bonnie is Caroline's best friend, Damon. She doesn't agree with her friend's lifestyle, I'm sure, but she's known the girl since she was six. I can't help but think Caroline would convince her to let her see him and everything would get out of hand. And to reiterate what you said, Chase doesn't need any more drama than he's already dealing with. A new school, an uncle he barely knows…" she cringed.

"Yes, and Stefan's the model parent," he rolled his eyes; Janie could tell from the tone of his voice.

"We don't even know if he's _guilty_! I don't think he is. I can't see Stefan being involved in _that_," she repeated. The more she said it the easier it was for her to believe.

"Of course you don't, Mother," he rolled his eyes. "Listen, I'm just saying. Maybe I should refuse. Wouldn't they just default to you? They said foster care…I don't want that. But did they even consider you and Dad?"

"No, we're not an option. We're too old. He needs someone young. He needs a father figure, not a grandparent figure. We still want to be a part of this, yes. You think you can't do this, son, but you'll see. Once he's with you, you'll see. He's a good boy. He's just confused."

Confused? So maybe they'd be confused together. Was that a good thing or a bad thing?

"I wish I could say I know you're right. I just don't know this time. Take care, Mom," he said before hanging up the phone.

He hadn't doubted himself in years. His confidence was what people found sexy, intriguing about him, he knew. His most recent fling was proof. Elena Gilbert's mouth had just about dropped open when he walked into her office. She'd been all legs and short skirt leaning over the front of her desk, reaching for something on the floor. One flash of his smile and she was eating out of his hands.

* * *

"Damon Salvatore," he reached down to grab the balled up piece of paper on the floor, handing it up to her. Her brown eyes had sparkled and smoldered at the same time. She was warm, beautiful. His eyes floated down to her left hand; she was the type of woman who was too beautiful to be available. Not that he wanted anything more than sex. "And you are," he stood up, looking at her name plate on her desk. "Elena Gilbert, secretary," he read, picking it up. "Just the woman I wanted to see."

Her cheeks had flushed the second she'd gotten caught up in his blues. It was pure, honest physical attraction. Every cell in her body was on fire when he spoke. "For what?"

He handed her a large manila envelope with her boss' name on it.

"Originally for business, but…" his eyes scanned over her body's reaction. Her quickened breathing, the change in her eyes from surprise to desire with one blink told him everything. This woman wanted him, he knew. And who was he to deny a beautiful woman pleasure? As long as she knew that was all it would be. But she looked the type to want more. It didn't hurt to ask.

It was crazy, the instant attraction. He was ridiculous to jump from an introduction to a suggested sex session the same day. But he was daring when he wanted something, and since he didn't let himself be bothered by anything, a 'no' from her wouldn't wound his ego. So he did it. He laid out exactly what he wanted from her.

"What can I do you for you, Mr. Salvatore?"

"I'm here on behalf of Finn Mickaelson, a fellow music producer from the area. It seems Meredith overstepped her bounds on one our prospects," he whistled, then lowered his voice again suavely. "I probably shouldn't be saying that to you, should I?"

She raised an eyebrow and shook her head. The physical pull she felt between them was intense, unlike anything she'd felt before. He was handsome, fit and cocky. He oozed sexiness, bled power, she knew. And he was looking at her like he wanted to show her exactly what he was capable of doing.

"I could be swayed into something _other_ than business with you...sometime…" he smiled when she swallowed thickly. She'd known him for all of two minutes but his ideas sounded marvelous. She'd done the casual thing before, but not the same day she'd met someone. Something was very intriguing about him. He was ballsy, confident. "And by sometime, I mean now_,_"

"Meredith doesn't like it when I leave early," she whispered. Then she cleared her throat and raised her voice a little, getting back to their _real_ business. He had no idea that she was of the same mindset as him: relationships were poison. Their reasoning was different, but the result was the same.

"You have a boyfriend?" He asked. He took a loose strand of hair between his fingers and rubbed it slightly until it fell back on her shoulder. His movements were seductive but simple. She shook her head quickly to assure him he was very much on the right track.

"Do you _want_ a boyfriend? Are you a serious relationship kind of woman, Elena Gilbert, _secretary_," he emphasized the words as his eyebrows wiggled.

"I don't do relationships," she said her voice raspy. "I work a lot, and I play, too…nothing too serious." She was the perfect woman for the job. How had he stumbled upon her so easily, quickly? It almost seemed unreal.

"That's _exactly_ what I wanted to hear," he smiled. "Call me sometime," he smiled. "Maybe we could 'not do relationships' together." She swallowed and nodded. No one had ever been so forward with her. He was dangerous.

"Better yet, meet me downstairs in half an hour. I bet if you let your boss in on that little tip I gave you she'd let you out early." He was good. He didn't even care about giving away his bosses' intensions. He would get what he wanted, and in that moment, he wanted Elena Gilbert naked in his apartment, "Unless, of course, you don't play those games."

"I do," she said softly, the color rising in her cheeks again. "Half an hour," she promised.

And that was it. She'd been out of the lobby of her building and in his apartment in a matter of 25 minutes. "Nothing more than this," she shook her head. She was straightforward with him from the start. He was taken aback by how easy it seemed for her.

They were naked on the first day and completely unattached.

"I don't want to hear about your day, or what you had for breakfast. I don't want to have breakfast with you," she explained. "We do this and we go. No snuggling, no spooning, and no emotions. I'm serious, Damon. And don't do shit like whisper my name and all that sweet garbage. This isn't about romance, got it? You don't have to feel obligated to be all gentle and sweet. This is physical,"

"It seems you've done this before. And you blushed so innocently!" he winked, pulling off her sweater. "My, my, if your rulebook didn't say I couldn't ask questions, I'd say you could teach _me_ a thing or two about emotionless sex." She laughed as she pulled his shirt over his head.

"But don't worry. The fact that you're telling _me_ not to share things with you is great news. I'm not interested in a friend here, Elena. But I simply can't pass over a woman like you. Call it animal instinct, or some shit like that. I'm not an attachment kind of guy. If you're looking for nothing, you've come to the right place."

"This this is perfect," she smiled, undoing his belt. "Until it isn't anymore," she assured him, smirking. "We'll stop when it's too much or something comes up. If we get too busy we'll stop, or if it gets in the way of something…deal?"

"Deal," he smiled and he sealed his promise with their very first kiss. Her lips were soft and full and warm. She tasted sweet. And if he'd let himself actually _admit_ what he felt when he kissed her, he'd be in a world of trouble. Kissing had been foreplay to him, mostly. It had never been intimate without being sexual. His first kiss as a kid was sloppy and forgettable.

He hadn't ever kissed a woman and felt it linger on his lips afterward. But his mind wouldn't go there right now…

He'd spend the rest of their time together reminding himself she was just another short skirt who wanted the same things in life he did. It was supposed to just be easy to let her go.

But now she'd left, just like the rest. It was the first time he'd given a woman a second thought. He wasn't done with her…whatever that meant.

Things had gotten too _busy_, he figured, and she'd pulled up anchor like a champ…just like she'd promised. She was out the door a little _too_ fast, maybe. They'd kept their promise to each other. Once they'd had their initial casual sex conversation they kept it simple. They were a powerhouse in bed, he couldn't deny it. There was something different about her that he liked. She wasn't needy; she never gave him the indication that she wanted more. She said she didn't do relationships and she meant it.

He couldn't help but think, though, that if they were really done with all the sex, she'd be the type of woman that would make an amazing friend. He lingered on that for a moment, letting it sink in. It shocked him. That thought scared him, but he couldn't shoo it away. Maybe she'd go for friends with benefits. They'd only had the benefits part so far, but surely somewhere she was capable of friendship…

If he promised nothing serious, maybe she'd go for it…she bit the first time.

No, she wouldn't go for it, he swatted the thought away. But he was in a world of trouble now, as he faced a future with a child he barely knew. He could use all the help he could get. Elena was a woman. Women were _good_ with kids. It was instinct or something. She could at least offer some advice….

Then it hit him. He'd been so distracted by the news of his nephew when she left that he couldn't place what she'd forgotten. Something wasn't right when she left…now he saw it. Her cell phone was resting on his bathroom counter where they'd started their day's adventure.

He slid it into his pants pocket and grabbed his car keys. He'd been to her place more than a dozen times in their short month together. He'd driven there in the middle of the night, half the time, when she'd called. She had him begging her for sex and it seemed so effortless. She _was_ the dangerous one. Somewhere along the lines he'd given her some of the control. It was unusual.

Something had to be wrong for a woman as beautiful and wild as her to still be single and purposefully detached. She just hadn't given him the chance to understand why.

* * *

He knocked on her door quickly, praying she was home and not her crazy roommate, Andie. To his dismay, he was met with the tall, light haired woman in a big, bright yellow towel. "I thought you ended it," she said knowingly. She was the envious type, but now that he was free, she wasn't dismissing the idea of taking him for a spin.

"Where is she? I have something for her," he rolled his eyes. "Do you always answer the door like that? You look like a banana."

"You're sassy but still hot," she admitted. "I like the combo. But I must say, you're mighty persistent for _just_ her ex-sex buddy, aren't you?" she batted her eyelashes. "You know where I live if you change your mind…" He held back a gag. "ELENA!" she wailed to the back of the house. "Your dirty prince hath cometh."

But when Elena appeared in the doorway, her eyes were swollen and her cheeks were stained with tears. He swallowed at the sight. She'd barely smiled anytime they were together other than sex. Her tears frightened him. The emotionally detached woman was suddenly in a puddle before him in sweatpants and an oversized t-shirt that said something about her high school reunion a few years back.

She quickly wiped her face and swallowed. "What, Damon?" She was irritated that he was seeing her this way. She'd always taken extra time to make herself look good. She might've just been a fuck-buddy but she still wanted to look pretty. The emotionless bastard he was probably wouldn't let her in if she was wearing short and a t-shirt, she thought. And when she needed it, she needed it.

But she was wrong. Elena was pretty in anything she wore, he thought. Even in that ratty, baggy sweatshirt. Were those chocolate stains on her lips? His eyebrows furrowed. Was he _smiling_ about that? But he quickly dismissed his thoughts again as he remembered why he was there.

"You forgot your phone…." He reached it out to her. "I figured you need it…you're always on it texting, doing whatever you do…" he shook his head.

"Thanks," she frowned, moving to close the door. Her voice sounded a little sore, as if she'd been sobbing for hours.

"Elena, what's the matter?" She stilled at his words. He'd never shown an ounce of concern for her. This was new, but it felt right to him. It came out suddenly, without notice. He couldn't understand what it meant before it came out of his mouth. It was just a question! He'd ask a stranger if they were okay if he saw them crying on the street…

Was she crying over him? The thought puzzled him. No…of course she wasn't. She'd left his apartment like a bat out of hell. She had laid down the rules. They were stricter than he would've chosen them to be. He didn't mind snuggling women after sex, as long as they understood it didn't mean anything. But she was quite clear about her feelings on that; she'd said no.

He'd tried to talk to her that morning! A month ago he'd promised not to get too serious but news like_ that_ was something she could make an exception for, certainly. But she hadn't wanted to hear it. She'd not only left for the day, she'd said a final goodbye as if they'd never talk again…as if they were never anything more than associates of competing music producers.

But they _hadn't_ been anything, had they?

"Listen, I don't know what's wrong or why you're upset. I get that I don't deserve to know and that I'll probably never know because that's what we agreed to," he swallowed and looked up at Andie.

"I'm fine," Elena said to her friend softly, more or less pushing her away. She turned and left with a jealous huff and they were alone again on her front porch.

"I don't have anyone else, Elena. And I get that I don't have _you_, either. I understand that I never really did or wanted to…but I need help."

"Ask your mom, or one of your other fuck-buddies. I said we were done, Damon,"

But he ignored her suggestions. He hated that he felt so vulnerable around her. He didn'tdo _this_ either…admit to needing a woman for anything more than sex. But he bit his tongue and tried to forget his pride. This was more important than his stupid reputation, for once.

"I'm not the type of guy who does this. I'm not the kind of guy that asks for help. I'm confident and I don't give a shit. You know that," he furrowed his brows. "But I don't know a damn thing about kids."

"And what makes you think I _do_," she laughed, astounded that he was coming to her like this. The tears jumped into her throat again.

"I'm still a kid myself, Elena! I can't take care of one."

"You're 30, so am I," she scoffed. Her walls were up. "You chose a life of irresponsibility and so did I. We're the same damn person," she laughed. "That's why our 'nothing' with each other worked. There is no _'us,' _so I don't understand why you're picking me."

"I just thought…I don't know! I don't know anything about you other than the fact that you actually _like_ sex on the washing machine…" he frowned. "Elena, listen…I'm not asking for a lot here," he raised his eyebrows. "Okay, maybe I am. I've just fucked so many things up in my life by not caring. I don't want to screw up his, too. I want to do right by him…but…please, you must've at least babysat or something…"

She sighed. It made sense, but it didn't mean she was interested. It didn't mean she was just okay opening up to him. She'd made that agreement with him for a reason. Love wasn't her style, not anymore.

"So what exactly are you asking me here? You're rambling but you're saying absolutely nothing," her voice was cold, sharp, bitter. The words snapped off her tongue frantically as she tried to keep herself in check. His eyes widened in wonder.

My how desperate he'd become.

"Help me. I don't know…just come with me to pick him up from the airport."

"That sounds like a date, Damon," she was trying to make him angry but it wasn't working. Her attempts at pushing him away were only making him crazier.

"It's not. And no it doesn't. It sounds like a desperate plea from a man who hasn't cared about anyone or anything in a lifetime. I'm not asking you for any more. Just come with me to pick him up. We're guys…awkward conversations and all that."

"So I'm the effective third wheel," she frowned. "And that's what you want? You don't want to spend time with him or bond with him? Don't you think he'll feel even more awkward with a complete stranger in the car? He's fourteen. He's probably terribly awkward around girls as it is! I'll make it worse. I don't belong there…we're nothing to each other, Damon."

Did she have to remind him again? He hadn't forgotten. He didn't understand what made _her_ so different. She just was.

"Like I said, I'm selfish. Apparently I don't _care_ what he thinks or what you think. You know that. I'm a dick. You know that, too. You like that about me because it makes it easier to not like me, right?"

She rolled her eyes at the man with the blue eyes. He'd taken her to new heights physically. She'd never told him that, but he'd been the best she'd ever had. He'd taken away her pain for a little while…made it easy to remember why she'd chosen the lifestyle she had. Other men had made her doubt, but not Damon. Sex with him was easy.

When the perfect image of him started to fade…when he'd proven to be more sensitive than he'd originally let on, she'd freaked.

Favors were one thing, but this? This might be too much. She'd immediately gotten in her 'crying clothes' and drowned herself in a pint of ice cream when she'd gotten home from his apartment. Her brain was swirling with things she didn't want to think about, and it wasn't all because she'd no longer be having sex with Damon Salvatore. He'd have no way of knowing why she'd completely lost her mind. So as he looked at her with pleading eyes, she sighed.

"And then I'll leave you alone," he promised, "One favor for the guy who was the best 'non-boyfriend' sex ever." He held his hands up cautiously. "Come on…" he winked. But could he resist her? Would they just end up back where they started? If so, he wouldn't mind, necessarily…

But that wasn't the best thing for a young kid to see…

"Fine. One time," she tucked a loose strand of hair behind her ear. She didn't make exceptions, ever. But for Damon and his blue eyes…

"Don't ask again," she raised her eyebrows again and he smiled brightly, relieved.

"I won't, I promise."

* * *

**A/N: And there it is. I'd love to hear your thoughts on it so far. Reviews are appreciated. Follow me on Twitter newsgirl1983. It's locked but I usually approve everyone. Thanks for taking the time!**


	2. Sick and Twisted Affair

**A/N: Thank you SO much for the amazing responses for the prologue. I'm very excited about this story and can't wait to really dig deeper into it. I have big dreams for this one. You've all been so good to me with my other stories and I thank you for that. I hope to hear your thoughts on this one as it progresses. Love those reviews!**

**The highly anticipated reconnection of Chase and Damon is in this chapter. We'll see a little more DE interaction as well. I'm laying the foundation for what's to come. When it hits, it's going to be amazing to write. I can't wait. **

**The first section is italicized to represent Elena's memory. We'll start to see flashbacks in different ways now, either in memories or just in appropriate places throughout the coming chapters.**

**I've decided to make the chapters song titles this go around. This one is "Sick and Twisted Affair" by My Darkest Days.**

**Thanks for your time!**

* * *

**"I'm like your dirty little drug  
And you never get enough  
Just a little bad habit that you have from your friends  
I'm like your dirty little drug  
And you never get enough  
Said you didn't want it but you're in a sick and twisted affair"**

**All At Once**

**Chapter 1: Sick and Twisted Affair**

_"You taste like chocolate," he smiled against her lips. His thumb traced over the corners of her mouth before he kissed her again. She breathed in his heady scent and nodded quickly; his wild kisses intoxicated her. It was happening again; he was consuming every cell of her body. His hands were running up and down her skin, sending waves of lust through her body. He was powerful, sexy. "Chocolate and strawberries," he noted._

_His fingers curved around her waist by the counter and his strong hands led her backward into the stainless steel double doors of the refrigerator. In moments, their jeans were on the floor and his warm strong hands were on her hips, aligning them with his._

_"Really, really sweet strawberries," his tongue slid slickly between her lips, tasting the sweetness of her tongue. She lost herself in him for a moment, enjoying the wild desire that shook through her body. _

_"There's a perfectly good reason for that," her fingers twisted in the dark hair at the back of his neck as she wrapped her legs around his waist. He lifted her feet off the ground, sliding her back up and down against that cool refrigerator door. "I was in the middle of making a dessert when you started pounding on my door, begging me for this…" she panted. Her voice was low, raspy with desire. _

_She was quick to make him feel like the needy one, but secretly she'd found herself squandering a growing addiction to him. He was a means to an end, she knew. Her brain was mush when it came to their bodies blending together, but it ended there. He was sex until it got too dangerous, until it got too hard to stop…_

_It had been two weeks since they'd started and she was already too addicted to his eyes and his lips and his body... _

_"Did you know my favorite dessert just so happens to be chocolate covered strawberries?" He asked coyly. He winked and her body responded with a shiver. The slightest movement, the change of tone in his voice set her on fire. Her fingers were undoing the buttons of his white linen dress shirt slowly. Her thumbs moved to lip up his collar and she dragged his face to hers again in a needy rush. He met her lips with equal enthusiasm and she slammed her heard harder against the cold fridge door again. "You're my second favorite dessert…" he licked his lips when he felt her shaking under his. "So I can't think of anything hotter than the two of you together…." His tongue traced a line from her earlobe down to the corner of her lips again. "How about it, Elena?"_

Elena pulled her headphones out of her ears and crouched down, panting. Running was supposed to _clear_ her head, not remind her of what she'd no longer be doing with Damon. Two days. It had been two, unnervingly long days without his touches. She almost feared what she'd become with him. He'd been a drug, almost…a pain-killer. But then he'd ruined it. He had to go off and start getting emotional.

He knew the agreement….they were supposed to just be stop. He wasn't supposed to knock on her door and ask her for more. Asking her for help _was_ more, even if he didn't mean it to be. He was ruining everything….

Now the thought of what they used to have sent a tight feeling through her chest. She didn't miss _him_…she missed what he gave her, she told herself. She missed that amazing feeling of his hands in her hair and his teeth on her skin. He'd done the impossible; made sex fun and detached again. She didn't have to feel more for him…she didn't _want_ to…

She needed to kick these thoughts altogether. The only reason she was even thinking about him anymore was because she still had to deal with him. In two hours he'd be at her house and they'd be on the way to the airport. It would all be over soon. She could go back to living life the way it was before he found her in her office. Her life was fine the way it was. He'd just given her a temporary vacation from her past, that was all. All good things must come to an end..._all_ of them...

* * *

"Morning sunshine," he groaned, pulling his sunglasses off his face and yawned. The sky was cloudless, clear. It was a cool Los Angeles morning and the sun had just started to show its face. Damon stood on her front porch in dark jeans and a thin leather jacket.

"Wow…you look like hell," Elena frowned, taking in his rumpled hair and tired eyes. He scowled at her words. "You're a regular ball of sunshine this morning," she deadpanned, holding her coffee mug tightly to her chest.

"No, I'm not, but you _clearly _are," he pointed to her skinny jeans and lilac tunic. "You look like you've been up for hours," he frowned and slid his hand through his dark, damp hair against the back of his head. Her eyes carefully assessed him, following the trail of thick, dark stubble along his jawline. He hadn't shaved since she'd last seen him, she was sure. She touched her face at the memory of his coarse cheeks rubbing against her skin. It sent a tingle south and she huffed. Nope, she still couldn't deny it; he was sex on legs, even in the messy state he was currently in.

"That's because I have been," she said seriously and walked back into her house, exasperated. She simply couldn't allow her hormones to get the better of her anymore. The sheer magnetic pull she felt when he was near her was both terrifying and confusing. They were done, she reminded herself. This was the last time she had to deal with him. Her run that morning had done _nothing _but make it all so much worse...

She did the only thing she knew how to do. She fled.

She left him standing on the porch staring at her through the door. He'd been in her place several times, but this time was different. He wasn't there to rip her clothes off. He actually needed something other than sex from her for a change, and that thought scared _him_. He hadn't depended on anyone other than his mother in years, let alone a woman. And when he finally decided to depend on Elena, she'd rolled her eyes and made him feel small about it.

She was dangerous, but he couldn't stay away. It was complex and horrible, he thought. Other women gave him what he wanted at first, but always ended up wanting more. They'd always taken things too seriously and that just wasn't his style...

Elena was different somehow. He could admit that much. Maybe it was her obvious disinterest in his personal life. She was a challenge. He found himself _missing_ her, but those thoughts were forbidden...

Maybe it was the way the doe-eyed beauty made his body ache with lust and need.. She was quite possibly the most confusing woman in the world. They were amazing in bed, on the counter, in the bathroom… and yet, they meant absolutely nothing to each other. She was the polar opposite of everything his mother hoped and dreamed he'd find in a woman. But he wasn't looking for anything with her, he knew. He just needed help…maybe a casual friend…

His feet carried him into her kitchen. She was rinsing out her coffee pot and turning off the light above her sink. He watched her wordlessly, awkwardly. "You're a morning person," he said finally, grabbing her attention. She slung a dish towel over her shoulder and stilled. There he went again…making conversation. His eyes slid to the refrigerator and he smirked. Her cheeks heated and she shook her head, dismissing his suggestions.

"I'm a morning person," she swallowed. "I get up early every day. I have for years,"

"Why?" he scoffed. He had to remind himself to be nice. He'd had to beg her to join him to the airport. He didn't need to piss her off and make her change her mind. "You go to bed early or something? Don't you go out or..." He realized he'd never actually _slept_ with her overnight. He had no idea what her nightly habits were when she left his place or he left hers.

"I like to run in the mornings. It clears my head," her voice softened a little when she remembered the hot thoughts of him earlier in the day. She'd tried to pound him out of her head with each hard step on the pavement. It hadn't worked. He was still in there.

He fell silent and stared. She rarely dropped that snarky little attitude of hers, he knew. It was nice. But she'd give him no more information. Her switch flipped off as she grabbed her purse off the table and walked out the front door. "So…are we going or what?"

In a millisecond her voice was snapping agin. He tipped his head up to the ceiling and sighed. This woman would be the death of him. He shouldn't even let her bother him, but he did. It was just the way it worked.

He watched her lock her front door, dumbfounded. "His flight gets in in an hour," he swallowed. "With traffic, we'll get to LAX in about 45 minutes. That's 15 minutes to spare…" he cleared his throat. "That way if we have to drive around in circles to find a spot…" she closed her door and fastened her seatbelt tightly. He started the engine and shifted the car into drive.

"Don't you wear a seatbelt?" She frowned. There she went again…softening. Her voice buckled a little.

"Elena Gilbert concerned for my personal safety," he moved his hand to his chest in fake flattery and wiggled his eyebrows. "Doth my ears deceive me?"

"Don't…" she shook her head crankily. "Don't mouth off. Just put your seatbelt on. Are you an idiot or something?" He frowned in confusion but clicked his seatbelt on tightly, too. No use arguing before they even pulled out of her driveway. He could appease her with something so small.

"So as I was saying, if we hit traffic…" he began, turning on the radio.

"Just a minute," she turned the volume down again. "You have this really planned out. You don't strike me as a planner…"

"Hey, I was _listening_ to that..." he frowned. "And you're right. I'm _not_ a planner at all. I don't have to be," he smirked. "I decide when I want to get places. I don't really care if I'm late, usually. People love me. They'll wait for me...I'm worth it."

"I admire your humility," she quipped. "Really so attractive," she rolled her eyes and he smiled. Their banter was fun, he realized. He'd never spent more than five minutes around her clothed and their conversations had ended quickly every time. But she'd been giving him bits and pieces of her non-sexual personality slowly. She was a puzzle, a mystery to him.

"Please, you liked it when I made you wait…" he watched her out of the corner of her eye. "Besides, you didn't care if I showed up, either. Half the time you were pushing me out the door when we were done…" he reminded her. "You were very clear about that in our arrangement, if I remember correctly. Cold as ice and all that…"

"Whatever," she said softly. The word was barely audible. "We don't need to discuss what did and didn't happen. There's really no point. After this morning you won't have to worry if you're going to the right woman's doorstep anymore. You'll have one less to keep track of,"

"I wasn't with anyone else when we were…" he struggled with what to call their situation, "when we were what we were…" he frowned, not happy with how that statement turned out. There just wasn't an explanation for them. 'Sex-friends' wasn't right. They weren't friends… not really, not yet. 'Fuck buddies' sounded stupid… they were just Damon and Elena…that was all…

"Oh…" her eyes lost their confidence and she looked out her side window. He turned onto the highway and quickly accelerated. Her hands tightened on the side of her seat and she closed her eyes, swallowing. She wasn't a fan of fast cars, especially when she didn't really know the driver…

"You look sick," he noticed. Her cheeks were flushed and her eyes were wide. "Are you okay?"

"No, I'm not. I don't want to be here," she sighed. "You're driving like a maniac and it's making me feel uncomfortable."

"I'm not a maniac," his eyebrows dipped. "You're paranoid, I think. And if you're going to be so nasty about coming with me, then why are you here? Why didn't you just say 'no'…" he barked back. "It's not like you care if you hurt my feelings. It's not like it _would_ hurt my feelings." he quickly recovered.

They sat in silence for a moment until she motioned to turn up the volume on the radio. His hand caught hers and pushed it away. They were stuck in traffic, crawling...

"But just to be clear, were _you_ with someone else when we were…" he trailed off.

"When we were what? You can't even say it Go on, say it. Fuck buddies.," she bit out. This was easy. "And nice question, but it's really none of your business if I'm having sex with anyone else...," she barked. "I didn't know you didn't have anyone else but it doesn't matter. I don't care who you're with. Now I'm stuck with you in this damn car and you're making me talk about 'feelings' that don't exist. Just stop talking to me and concentrate on your driving," she pointed out the windshield at the cars starting to move faster.

"Tell me how you _really_ feel," he quipped. "Someone's a little frustrated, maybe? No sex for two days and suddenly you're all wound up and nasty. Guess you need me after all." Oh, she was a challenge alright, but he could deal it right back. He could be himself with her and not worry about hurting her feelings. Every other woman he'd been with would've ended up crying. Not Elena Gilbert. She met him insult for insult.

Maybe it was a bad idea to bring her with. This very non-date was turning out horribly. She might make the chase situation worse. "I suggest you get over your bad attitude and pep up before we pick up my nephew," he cleared his throat again and she rolled her eyes. "The last thing he needs is another person acting like he's not important. I might not mean anything to you but you don't need to be all pissy around him. I didn't ask you here to screw this up."

She sighed guiltily. "Then why did you ask me?" It was the first time she'd voluntarily asked him a question about his feelings. She was angry with herself for letting him get to her. The last two days had felt strange. That sinking feeling that had hollowed her stomach when she walked out of his apartment was back. She'd cried her eyes out over reasons she could never explain to him, reasons he just couldn't know. He was just a man. He didn't _care_ to know why she was so emotionally damaged, she figured, and she didn't care to share those reasons with him. She was the way she was and she didn't owe anyone an explanation….especially not a cocky bastard with really nice eyes…

Any time she felt that twinge of something _else _around him, she'd just shut down. She'd close her mouth or roll her eyes to remind him that she didn't need him, didn't want him. She didn't need anyone.

"I just did," he frowned. He was too frustrated with her reaction to elaborate anymore. He wasn't about to admit that she'd gotten under his skin quickly. "Don't make me regret it."

* * *

Despite Damon's worries about finding a place to park, they were in the airport lounge with plenty of time to spare.

"Should I get him a big pretzel or something? Do you think he'll be hungry? Is 14 too old for a happy meal? I still liked them when I was 14…" her eyes widened in horror at his maniacal pacing. Despite her better judgment, she was following him around the airport.

"Sit down, Damon," she pointed to the seats. "You're driving me insane. If he's hungry he'll tell you," he stopped walking. "You're thinking too hard about this. He's not a baby. I'm sure he'll tell you if he needs anything. You need to relax right now or you're in for a world of trouble," she sighed.

"What's that supposed to mean?" He frowned. She was letting him in again, for just a moment. She didn't want to, but he looked pitiful.

"I don't know much about you, but I do know that you're cocky. Like you said, you don't care about what people think…but that's not what I see right now. You seem to care about this kid. You said nice things about your mother. You must at least care about your family..." she swallowed before beginning again.

"If you care about him like it seems you do, do yourselves a favor and get this under control. I'm not saying you should be an ass to him, but you can't let him see you struggling like this," she waved her hands around. "You're supposed to be his caretaker. If you're falling all over yourself one of two things will happen. One, he'll abuse it and walk all over you. He'll be in charge and you'll be answering to him. And while you sometimes _act_ like a fourteen year old, you're not one. You shouldn't be answering to one," Oh she was full of fire, he thought. He watched her in wonder. He knew there was a reason he picked her…she was _smart_…

"Then there's the other thing. He'll think you can't take care of him," she frowned. "You're thirty years old, Damon. I get your lifestyle. It's fun, I know…but look at yourself," she motioned toward him. "You look like you rolled out of bed, took a shower and put the same clothes back on. They're nice clothes but not when they're all wrinkly," her nose scrunched up. He'd gone from the best dressed to the most unkempt man she knew in two days. "You're roaming around here, lost. Put your foot down, man up and do this," he was floored by the passion in her voice. He wanted to thank her, to pull her on his lap on one of those airport chairs and…

Nope, that was over with….

"See, this is why I asked you to come with me," he stared calmly. He wouldn't let her hear the questioning feeling in his voice. "You're not afraid to call me out on my shit. That's cool." Her eyes shifted away from him nervously. There it was again, that grateful look in his eyes…

"Seems to me no one else _does_," she shrugged. "You deserve to be put in your place," she exhaled and started, "I can do it because we don't mean anything…" she was quickly stopped when Damon's eyes focused on a tall, blond boy walking toward him. His hair was light, much lighter than Damon remembered. He'd gotten that from his mother, he thought. It was in a messy mop under a blue baseball cap. His eyes were seas of emerald green. A red duffel bag was slung over his right shoulder and a brave look crossed his face.

Damon stepped toward him and swallowed, stretching his hand out to meet his nephew's in an awkward greeting. "Chase," he smiled.

"Uncle Damon," his voice cracked and Elena bit her lip in a smile behind them. He cleared his throat, embarrassed. "Thanks for getting me…"

Damon's heart sank. This was hard…really hard. He'd amped himself up, been all nervous to pick this kid up. He'd been so concerned that he'd do a bad job. But Chase looked nervous. He looked embarrassed. He had _nothing_ to be ashamed of. He hadn't done anything wrong. He could slap Stefan right about now for putting his kid through this…

"Hey, it's no problem," he clapped him on the shoulder and smiled. He hadn't seen the kid in years. He'd missed a lot of him growing up. But he felt a wave of protectiveness flow into him. Suddenly he wanted to make Chase feel normal…as at home as he possibly could. Seeing that scared look in his eyes made him want to make the best out of the situation they were given. "An LA Dodgers hat?" he teased. "I know we're family and all, but you've got it all wrong," he smirked, tipping the hat down and covering Chase's green eyes. "The Angels. It's all about the Angels, man. You'll see,"

Chase smiled and pulled the brim of his hat back up. "Sorry Uncle Damon, you can't change that about me," he laughed. The awkwardness was lightened for a moment until Damon's eyes reached Elena's. Once he took the time to focus on her, he swore he saw tears swimming in her pretty brown orbs for a moment. His eyebrows dipped in confusion, but her eyes were clear before he could give it too much thought. Maybe it was his imagination. She'd never let him see her cry...

His heart was pounding with nervousness about his nephew, but suddenly…he found his thoughts drifting to her…

Once he saw that she was fine, he gestured for Chase to turn and look at her. She was behind them, standing off to the side of the bank of chairs now. "Chase, this is Elena Gilbert,"

"It's nice to meet you," she smiled at him. Damon noticed something different about her just then. Her eyes were bright and her smile was real, genuine. She'd never smiled like that at him. She'd always just held back that little bit. She was doing as he'd asked; she was being kind to his nephew.

She shook his hand and Chase gulped. He looked away, clearly taken aback. "Yeah, you too," he mumbled, looking at his feet.

Damon's lips turned upward, knowingly. Chase thought she was pretty. Wise kid, he smiled.

Damon was torn. He wasn't sure what to call Elena. There it was again, that elephant in the room. Because of his lifestyle, because of the way he chose to be, he'd have to explain things to a kid that he didn't even understand himself.

"Elena's my…" he willed himself to be strong, as she'd advised.

"We're both in the music production business," she smiled, nodding at Damon in encouragement. She fixed it, easily. It wasn't a lie. They didn't need to go into any more than that with him. It was going to be over soon… soon they really would be nothing more than employees of competing producers.

"I like music," Chase smiled, having the courage to look up at her again. Damon was taken aback by this boy's shyness. Stefan was an introvert except with Caroline. It was clear that Chase had gotten some of his personality traits from his father. He'd have to watch him carefully. He feared he'd gotten other parts of his parents, too…scary parts.

"So do you have more luggage or is this about it?" Damon asked, changing the subject.

"No…I packed lightly. I was told this was only temporary. I figured I could buy some clothes out here. I was given some money…" he frowned and it weighed heavily on Damon again. He'd figured life hadn't been a barrel of monkey's for the kid, but the sound in his voice and the look in his eyes said everything. Chase didn't live the normal, easy life a kid his age should.

"Yeah, sure," he smiled. "We can go shopping whenever you want. And save your money. Spend it on something fun. I've got you covered," he assured him. "You hungry or anything?" He asked and his eyes went nervously to Elena. She rolled her eyes but he swore he saw a small smile float on her lips. Their interaction was strange, different. He liked it. She made him nervous and more comfortable all at the same time.

"Yeah," he nodded. "I ate some pretzels on the plane but they didn't taste so good this early in the morning. I could really go for a breakfast sandwich or something…." His eyes scanned around the airport.

"Can I say something?" Elena chimed in. She couldn't help _but_ help, now that she'd seen them interacting. "This food is terrible. That sign says that little place over there is McDonalds? Trust me, it's not," she smiled. "If you're hungry, you guys should go for breakfast somewhere," her eyebrows arched.

"Yeah, we all could go somewhere," Damon's voice pepped up suddenly. The idea of actually eating _breakfast_ with her for a change thrilled him. He'd had so few real life experiences with her. She'd done him a great service by coming with, but this was it, he knew. The first signs of kindness had come too late...

"No, I have somewhere to be," she shook her head, answering her phone as it vibrated in her hand. He frowned, the world coming to a halt quickly. She plugged an ear and sat down on one of the chairs near them.

"Hey…" she whispered. "No, I'm not at home right now. No, I can't be there in ten minutes. I'm at the airport…" Damon was listening. He knew he had no right, but he did it anyway. "I know I said that but something came up…look, don't be upset…."

Who was she talking to? She seemed genuinely concerned. Her voice was shaking. "I was about to leave anyway…it's fine. No big deal…." She swallowed. "No, I'm not alone right now…" her head crashed into her hand that rested on her elbow. Her hair fell down around her, covering her face. "Yes…and no, it's not like that, I told you…"

Now he was worried. Damon Salvatore, worried! He never worried unless something actually mattered. It made sense to worry about taking care of Chase, but Elena wasn't family...

She sounded upset, vulnerable. He exhaled and turned to Chase. "I don't think she's coming with us for breakfast," he said seriously. "You still want to go?"

"Yeah, I'm starved," he patted his stomach. "Uncle Damon?"

"You can just call me Damon, kid. Really…" he said, but his eyes focused on Elena again.

"Okay, Damon?" he breathed. "Do you have pets because I'm very allergic to cats," Chase was oblivious to his uncle's distractions.

"No, I can barely take care of my…" he stopped. That wasn't something to tell the kid you were about to take care of while his father was in jail and his mother was shooting up. "My place is small. Pets aren't really right for me."

"Okay good," he smiled. "Do I get my own room?"

"Yes, of course. I wouldn't have you sleeping on the couch," he patted him on the head. "You'll see when we get there. You can do whatever you want with the room. It's your space…" it was strange how easy he was speaking with him. Damon was still scared, still worried about being able to really take care of him. But being with him made it real. He had responsibility now. He had to grow up, if only for a little while. This kid needed to be his focus. Women, sex, the rest would have to wait.

But Elena….

He saw her wiping her eyes again, clicking off her phone. "Can I talk to you really quick?" He asked her, stepping away from Chase with a quick apology. She hesitated at first but agreed. He stepped off to the side with her, out of Chase's earshot. "I know this isn't my place and you're probably going to bite my head off for asking this, but what's going on with you? I've seen you crying on and off all day and you won't say a word to me about it."

"Because it's nothing," she said quickly. "Stop it, okay?" Her eyes widened, shifting to Chase. "Stop worrying about me. It's not your responsibility. It makes me uncomfortable. We talked about that a long time ago. It hasn't changed,"

"It has," he said quickly. "You helped me. You were nice to me, Elena. We could be friends…"

"No," she shook her head. "We can't be friends, Damon. I told you _that_ a long time ago, too. I came today because you begged me too, but it was a mistake. You seem to be okay with him, so I think I'll just take a cab home," she shifted in her seat, standing up and slinging her purse across her shoulder. "I'm sorry I screwed this up for you," it was an admission of feelings, he realized. It was the _first_ admission of any feelings from her other than moans of passion or angry jabs of sarcasm.

"Elena, come on…" he tried to touch her hand but she pulled it away. "Stop, Damon. We said this was it. Go have breakfast with your nephew. Bond," she swallowed. "He needs you…and you need him too. You want a friend? Chase can be that for you. You can take care of each other. You don't want me as a friend, trust me."

"Just breakfast. Just once, Elena…he likes you, and…" he was begging again, doing anything in his power to get her to stay. It was a terrible feeling. He felt helpless, again, and he didn't understand why. He hated it. "I was thinking, about our arrangement…I'd be willing to give it one last go if you'd want. Just goodbye sex, just really quick later…" he smirked. He had to save himself from humiliation. He had to pull out the stops. She was clearly ahead of him in this game. "We never really got a chance to end it on a good note and..."

"I can't. I have somewhere to be," she nodded, pulling her sunglasses down over her eyes. "I have everything this time. You won't need to come over anymore. You won't need to call me. We can't have goodbye sex, Damon. There's nothing between us to say goodbye _to_," she said seriously. Her words kicked him in the stomach. It gave him an unfamiliar, uncomfortable feeling. "Have a nice life," she said before she walked over to Chase.

"It was so nice to meet you, Chase. Take care of your uncle, okay?" Her voice softened. He nodded when she touched his shoulder and she turned to Damon once more.

"Just so you know, I never told Meredith about that tip you gave me on Finn," she nodded. "Call it one final favor. Have a nice breakfast, boys," she turned, leaving them silently watching her walk down the long airport hall. They watched her in silence for a minute before Damon sighed in defeat.

She made him feel completely incapable, sometimes. He never fell all over himself when he talked to a woman. He never had a problem convincing a woman to do anything. When Elena made her mind up, that was it. There was no convincing her anymore.

"She's pretty," Chase swallowed.

"She's confusing," Damon shook his head. "Really damn confusing," he exhaled, knowing he had to drop it if he ever wanted to move forward. She was right. This was better. It just didn't _feel_ that way...

Her tears hit him. She'd always been so cold to him except for when they'd had sex. She'd spent hours reminding him just how little they meant to each other. He didn't buy it. Something was wrong with her. A pretty woman like her, someone _that_ wise about things should _not_ be alone in life. There was a reason she didn't want attachments. He just didn't know what it was. She didn't want to be his friend, he knew.

She'd bailed on their agreement the second he had new responsibilities…but she was so incredibly _sweet_ with Chase. She was gentle and kind. That wowed him. He wanted to see more of her that way. It was _nice_. It sent a warm feeling through him that he couldn't put a label on.

But it didn't matter. She was done. She didn't even want to sleep with him anymore. She didn't even have the decency to go to breakfast and finish the day with him…

He should be angry with her, he knew. But instead he just felt hollow, empty…

He shook his head, trying to forget her. "How we about we go for a nice big breakfast at a cozy little restaurant? You can order whatever you'd like," he handed him his bag that had fallen on the ground. "Are you too young to drink coffee? This place down across from the old theater has the _best_ coffee. The waitresses are cute and..."

"I think I like cute waitresses," Chase smiled.

"You know kid, you're alright..." Damon laughed.

They walked through the airport together, taking the very first steps of their new life together. It would be rough, Damon knew. He'd mess up. He'd disappoint him, he was sure. But if he could teach him anything during their time together, it would be to keep his chin up. This kid needed confidence and Damon was just the man to teach him that. He'd have to keep his cockiness in check; some of his bad tendencies could easily rub off on a kid as young and impressionable as Chase. But he was doing this and he was doing it alone.

Chase might just be the one person in the world that could make him _want_ to change his life. But there was a small chance someone else had made an impact, too...

The tiny voice inside his head that had dared to whisper Elena's name had to be silenced. If she didn't want anything to do with them he couldn't let it rain on his parade.

He only wished he'd gotten a chance to actually thank her for what she'd been to him. Somewhere in the middle of it all, he'd found himself _caring, _if even a little bit. His scary, tiny bits of feelings for Elena, whatever they were, had been a true segue into a life he hadn't seen coming. They'd shown him he had the capabilities to care about his nephew.

He could try to forget the feeling of her underneath him, the sounds her throat made when he kissed her neck…but her eyes…her big, brown eyes would haunt him.

He'd find himself dialing his number days later, making excuses just to see those eyes again, that genuine smile. One more time…one more time and he'd be done…

* * *

**A/N: I am so emotionally invested in my characters already. This always happens, ahhh! These are very different versions of DE, as I said. I look forward to developing their feelings. As you probably can tell, Damon is just a guy who likes to have fun. He's never taken things seriously and it's worked for him. We've started to see Elena's state of mind in this chapter. She's got issues…she's blocking anything when it comes to him because she's too afraid. **

**She's got a ways to go, but I can't wait to take her there. Thanks again for your time and reviews! **


	3. Over My Head Cable Car

**A/N: Ahhh! The responses for the last two chapters have been tremendous! I can't thank you enough for taking the time to read this and comment, favorite, alert. It's been amazing so far!**

**This chapter uses The Fray's "Over My Head (Cable Car)" for the title.**

**Many people have said they're dying to know what's going on with Elena. We'll get a bit of info in this chapter, but nothing major. It's the start of what's to come. We get some family time with Elena, too.**

**Damon and Chase have a real conversation that shows this arrangement may prove more difficult than it seemed at the airport. **

**But for starters, we have an enlightening flashback. Can't wait to hear your thoughts on this one!**

* * *

**All At Once**

**Chapter 2: Over My Head (Cable Car)**

"Here, hold him," Stefan stretched his arms out, handing the tiny, one day old baby to a young Damon. Stefan's eyes were sunken in, tired from passing his thirty-sixth straight hour of being awake. "Go on, you're the godfather. You better get used to this. You guys will be friends in no time." He smiled weakly at his younger brother. Their relationship was on the rocks.

Damon swallowed and cradled the small, bald little boy in his thick arms. His eyes were open and he stared right back at Damon. Stefan had made a stupid decision with a stupid woman, but it wasn't the kid's fault, he knew. He couldn't imagine being so young and having such great responsibility, but Stefan was four years older. He'd made it through high school, at least. There were times when it didn't seem he'd even graduate, but he'd gotten through.

They were big thoughts for a teenager to have, but Damon was more observant than others his age. Attachments led to mistakes. His brother's slow unravel started years before. He'd done drugs and hung with the wrong crowds for years, but Caroline had sped up his decline. He was losing his brother a little more each day and it killed him.

His thoughts were interrupted by Chase's cries. His tiny cheeks flamed red and he gasped for new breaths. Damon frowned and stood up awkwardly, "Um, your kid doesn't like me," he cringed at Stefan and handed Chase to Janie.

"Maybe it's that dirty hat you're wearing," his Dad muttered and Damon tugged it down lower, covering his crystal blue eyes.

"He's proud of his team, Giuseppe, relax," Janie sighed. "And he should be…a sophomore starting pitcher on the varsity team?" She smiled at Damon and he sent her a little grateful nod. Nothing he did seemed to really matter compared to Stefan and Caroline. Most people were too wrapped up in mistakes to see accomplishments in his family. But at least he had his mother, he knew. She made it a little easier to be a Salvatore.

His dad didn't usually discourage; his normal method of parenting was just ignoring.

"Its fine, I need to leave for practice, anyway," Damon twisted his car keys on his finger and headed toward the door.

"Damon…." Stefan walked out into the hall of the hospital wing after him. "I know this is weird. Things are going to be different now. They have to be, but…"

"Things have been different for a while," he shrugged. "I hate to say I told you so but I kind of did," he swallowed. "You don't have to stay with her just because you had a kid. She's no good for you. You are so much better without her."

"What kind of man would that make me, Damon? I'm _barely_ a man. I'm twenty years old. This is my life now….Caroline and my son. What don't you understand about that? I know you don't like her, but…"

"I'm sixteen and even I can see how this is going to end," he shook his head. "You two were _high_ the night you got her pregnant. Drugs, Stefan! I thought you were better than that now! You're my older brother. I'm supposed to look up to you….but nothing here is admirable," he shook his head and started walking away. "You're a mess and I won't be like you."

"I made a mistake!" He chased after him. "I slipped up! I haven't done drugs in nine months Damon. I'm better, I am. And I know I haven't been what you wanted me to be….but I'm trying to be what I have to be now. This is the responsible thing to do. I'm assuming my responsibility. I care about her….we're a family. Family doesn't _drop_ family."

"Can't you assume your responsibility without her? You're setting yourself up for failure, marrying that woman. Yes, people make mistakes. I get that. What I don't get is why you're still making the same mistake. You could still be a good father and not be with her! You already let her screw up your life…do your kid a favor and don't let her screw up _his_ life, too. Be a good dad. Be the Dad _wasn't_ to us as kids."

Damon walked quickly down the hall, pushing the elevator button until the doors dinged open and he was alone. He pulled his hat off and let his head fall back against the elevator wall. This was his life now. Stefan's carelessness led to responsibility, but his decision to stay with Caroline would be his destruction, Damon knew. Everything changed the minute Stefan let himself need a woman for more than sex. He was young and he could see that. As soon as his brother started caring, depending on a woman, he was a goner.

Responsibility meant attachment. Attachment led to love. And the minute you let yourself be in love, you lost yourself, Damon knew. He didn't want that. Love wasn't real! It was an illusion. Any man who actually let himself depend on a woman was weak. A real man knew what he wanted and didn't need a woman to help him get there. Love led to self-failure, he thought. The minute you weren't able to depend on yourself to make it in life, you failed. If Stefan was a model of anything, it was what _not_ to be as a man.

* * *

But fourteen years later Damon felt like the failure. He'd lived his life so free of everything he thought was poison and now he had no idea how to raise a kid. Stefan didn't either…not really. If he had he wouldn't be behind bars and Chase wouldn't be sitting across the booth looking at _him_ as if he held the answers to the world. He had no answers.

Stefan's lack of responsibility had gotten them there. Even after their divorce he _still_ depended on Caroline. But who had Chase been able to depend on? Damon blinked a few times as his brain swam with questions.

"So, is Elena like your girlfriend or something?" Chase shoveled a big bite of syrup covered waffles into his mouth and sipped his orange juice. He was on his second plate of food and Damon was staring in wonder. It seemed like the kid hadn't eaten in days. Maybe he hadn't. He frowned, uncomfortable at the thought.

"Girlfriend? No," he laughed. "No, I don't have a girlfriend. I'm too busy for that," it probably wasn't the best idea to go into it any more than that with him. Maybe if someone had encouraged him to explore relationships at Chase's age he wouldn't be the way he was now. But they'd let him be. He'd told his mother several times that he lived his life the way he wanted for a reason. She'd frowned on it but never pushed. Maybe if she had he'd be able to actually figure out what he _felt_ when it came to women…when it came to Elena.

Wanting to be a certain way and actually _being_ that way were two very different things. A person actually had to want to change before it would stick. Did he want to change for Elena? Could he really abandon 14 years of thinking for one, sassy woman?

He sighed, his head pounding with a million thoughts of Chase and the future and Elena being gone. It wasn't supposed to be like _this_. He was carefree; he wasn't supposed to want more with her. She was wicked. She teased him, made him question what had always seemed so easy and right. He wasn't sure if he loved that or hated it, but it got a rise out of him. She _always_ managed to get a rise out of him.

"Then why do you keep pulling up her name on your phone?" he pointed to the iPhone on the table in front of him. A picture of Elena was staring back at him.

"**Fuck the arrangement…." **Was typed in the text field.

Damon frowned and quickly turned the screen off. This kid didn't miss a beat. He was 14…hardly able to understand Damon's way of thought.

"I was about to _delete_ it," he swallowed. "Guess I don't really need it anymore," he said slowly, but he couldn't even bring himself to let his finger hover over the delete button.

There was no deletion planned at all. He was willing himself not to text her.

"But you didn't delete it," Chase smiled. "I don't get it, Damon. She's hot, what's the problem?" What happened to the shy, blushing kid a few hours ago?

Suddenly you're so confident. If I remember correctly, you were stumbling all over yourself around her at first," Damon eyed his nephew carefully. His waffles were gone and he had moved onto his hash browns rather quickly.

"So were you," he laughed. "So what's the deal? Are you like friends then?"

"No, we aren't friends. She's busy, too," he sipped his coffee.

"Okay but you've at least slept with her, haven't you?" Chase smirked and Damon spit his coffee out on the table. "That's a yes," he added proudly after seeing his uncle's response. "Way to go!"

"Listen, kid. I'm all about the 'let's get to know each other' thing here, but you went from zero to 95 on the nosiness scale in about sixty seconds. There is nothing between Elena and me anymore," he explained. "You can stop asking about her because I honestly don't know the answers," his fingers tapped nervously on the table.

"Well I like her," he ignored Damon's request. "How old is she, anyway?"

"Too old for _you_," his eyes widened. "Keep your hormones at bay, got it?" he pointed at him with the fork. "Now, _really, _let's talk… about school, friends, women that _aren't_ Elena…" he smiled. "Surely you have questions about our new situation."

"Okay, how about….school. I'm a freshman," he finished his juice and slid the cup to the side.

"You like school? Good at it and all that?" Damon thought back to his indifference as a student. His good grades came naturally, but the only reasons he really liked going were baseball and girls.

"No, I don't like it. My grades are okay. I'll pass," he said seriously and shrugged.

"What don't you like about it?"

"The rumors," he said seriously. "My reputation. People saw things that weren't true. It made me not want to go."

"It won't be that way here," he swallowed. Suddenly their banter had turned very serious. They hadn't breached the Stefan topic and Damon was nowhere near ready to delve into Chase's relationship with his mother. "Do you play sports or do anything extra?"

"Wasn't allowed to," he pulled his cap down tighter. "Didn't have the money, no one had the time to take me to practice and games…" it almost hurt Damon a little. He'd been overlooked at times by his _own_ parents, but his mother had never discouraged him from doing what he loved. He may have not been the center of his parents' universe but was still _in_ it.

"Well once you get settled in we can talk about all that. You must remember living here. It wasn't that long ago. School will be different here, maybe rougher in ways your old school wasn't. Schools are big and a lot happens. You seem like a good kid who has just had a rough go of it, but…" he swallowed.

"Are you talking to me about peer pressure?" he asked, an eyebrow arched.

"I think I'm trying. I don't even know. Do you _need_ to be talked to about that?" he shook his head and laughed. "I feel obligated to have this conversation with you but I'm going to be honest. I don't know what the hell I'm doing here," he explained. "And I'm sure you don't either. This is new for both of us,"

"I know you're the cool uncle," he laughed. "This should be easy and fun like a vacation."

It seemed Chase thought Damon wasn't going to take this seriously. He had no idea how to read him. Was he a good kid? He seemed like he was at the airport, but maybe those were just jitters. He was a funny kid, it seemed. Maybe Chase was more like Damon than he realized. Maybe he didn't want to be labeled either. But little by little he started to see the role he'd play in his nephew's life would be bigger than he originally thought. A cool uncle was one thing, but Elena was right…he needed to lay down some rules or risk being walked all over. There could be a balance between 'cool' and 'strict.'

"I'm glad you think that," he smiled. "I know we haven't really had time together in years. That's my fault…" he exhaled and thought back to how he'd kept his distance to avoid becoming angrier at his brother. "But to make this less serious right now because I don't really want to have this conversation in a restaurant, I'll keep it brief,"

Chase stared at him, blinking.

"I want us to get along and be friends but I have to take this seriously. Like I said, neither of us knows what we're doing. This isn't something I ever betted on having to do…." He swallowed. "So let's make it easy on each other. I can be cool but I'm still your guardian. Got it? There'll be times when I have to say 'no,' and it's not because I want to make you mad…"

But the blond boy said nothing again. Damon swallowed. He wasn't good at explaining emotions or intentions. He'd normally just run off at the mouth until his point was made. He'd never had tiptoe around the real facts. But Chase was a kid…a kid whose life seemed even harder than Damon had realized. He was sure the kid had feelings that could easily be hurt, even if he didn't show it. His eyes showed no emotions. He saw parts of _himself_ in Chase. It was hard to talk to someone seriously when they just closed themselves off to options. Had he been that way with his own parents as a kid?

He had good intentions with his nephew, but he'd lost the gumption to dig any deeper into their arrangement just then. He needed time to think about what he wanted to say and how to say it. He didn't really have the slightest notion on Stefan's parenting style over the last few years. Had he been too lax? Had he let Chase do whatever he wanted _whenever_ he wanted? And if Stefan really was guilty…had he even _been_ there for Chase at all?

Damon had grown up with a detached father. Although he'd never pictured having to take on that role, he knew that a teenage boy _needed_ a male role model. He'd spent years _needing_ his father in ways he'd never gotten him. He'd built his own idea of what a father should be based on everything his father _wasn't_ to him. Whether Chase would come out of this whole thing happy or angry about it, he'd _know_ what it was like to have a man that actually cared about him. An uncle could be that for him, too, if his own father had chosen to abandon that responsibility.

For the first time in his life, he had a reason to _want_ to be responsible. He had a sense of purpose again. The only thing he'd ever cared about in life was baseball, and that was gone with one wrong twist of the arm. But failing a kid wasn't the same as blowing a future in baseball. He'd gotten over that, gotten another job. But if he ruined things with Chase he'd never forgive himself. There were no do-overs when it came to raising a kid.

"Come on, grab your stuff," he pointed to the bag, changing the subject. "Let's get this thing started," he slid out of the booth. "Grandma was talking about us coming over there next week. You haven't seen them in a while. Maybe if we get things settled in we could go for dinner," Damon never voluntarily went to his parents when his father was home. Janie typically had to beg him to visit.

"Sure," Chase said. "Can I wait 'til next month to start school?"

"No," he smiled, "Nice try though," and they walked through the door and to the car to start their journey home.

* * *

Three days later Elena found herself driving down the familiar roads to her childhood home. She was still restless, sleepless. The last few nights had brought both wonderful dreams and terrible nightmares. There was Damon, and then there was _him_.

"There you are, sweetie," Miranda set her cutting board down and pulled Elena into a tight hug and smiled. "You were so vague on the phone the other day I had no idea what you were getting at, dear. I'm glad you could make it tonight."

"I'm sorry I had to cancel, Mom. I was on an errand with someone," she said calmly, walking to the kitchen drawer. Had she really been so wrapped up in Damon that she'd completely forgotten making plans with her mother that morning? She'd known for days she was going to the airport….

"It's fine. We had just talked about meeting up for coffee and I thought you were in the area when I called so…really, I didn't mean to upset you," she paused. "You said you were at the airport. Were you picking up someone for work?"

"Not exactly," she shook her head and tied an apron around her waist. "This guy I know had to pick up his nephew. He asked me to come with…" Miranda's eyes lit up. "But I like I told you then, it isn't like that, so don't…"

"Oh, honey…" she smiled and walked up next to her. "I feel terrible about interrupting that for some silly coffee date we had! A man," she beamed.

"Really, Mom." she put her hopes to rest, "Don't get excited over nothing." But the memories of his hands on her consumed her thoughts. She swallowed, dry mouthed. His image was burned in the back of her mind.

"I'm sorry. It's just that you never talk about men. Let me have this moment, just for a minute. Let me tease you like I never get to. What's his name?"

"Not that it matters because like I said, it's _nothing…" _she stopped. "His name is Damon. I took a cab home from the airport and he and his nephew left for breakfast. There's nothing more to it,"

"I rushed you! Oh, honey, I'm sorry. I wouldn't have been so adamant about meeting you so early if we weren't having so many people over that night. Now I've messed up…"

"You helped me, Mom. I didn't want to be there," she thought of the airport and what Damon had said to her about being friends and her eyes welled up again. She didn't _want_ to feel the way she did. She wanted to forget him. How could she be friends with someone who'd made her feel that way? She couldn't be with him and not want to sleep with him. It didn't work that way. Her body wouldn't allow it; that much was clear as soon as he was gone…

"I'm not ready for that," she whispered. Slowly he'd become more of an option than he was three days ago and she hated it. The entire reason she'd ended their situation was because it was getting to be too much. She might have ended it, anyway, even if Chase hadn't come into the picture. It wasn't good to be that addicted to someone.

"It's fine. It worked out anyway. I went to see Cade. I haven't talked to him in a while," tears began to fall slowly, painfully.

"Elena, honey…" she walked over to her daughter and brushed her hair away from her face. "Don't cry," she calmed her.

"No…it's not what you think this time," she shook her head. "I'm fine." Elena's tears had fallen for the same reasons for years. Miranda knew when her daughter broke down it had everything to do with her childhood.

"It's okay if it is. Something like that won't ever _really_ go away, Elena," she heaved a sigh. It was something she'd never wanted to have to talk about with her daughter. Elena didn't deserve the things that had happened during her young life. The spark, the laughter had long died from Elena's brown eyes. And as they filled with tears again, Miranda found herself crying, too. "It won't go away for me, either."

"No, Mom…" she took to chopping some green peppers. "We are not crying about this. I can't do it anymore. It's been 11 years," she swallowed. "That's a long time to build new memories with this family and I _haven't_…" she stopped. "I haven't built new memories with anything or any_one_ that are worth much at all," her head filled with images of Damon's lips on hers. "I haven't wanted to,"

Miranda wiped her eyes, watching Elena carefully. Over the years she'd come to learn her daughter's responses to such questions and the way she'd acted that day _wasn't_ normal. It seemed like she actually wanted her mother to ask her what she'd meant by it. She looked frazzled, as if something had gotten to her.

"Why haven't you? Why don't you let someone in again, Elena?" She asked. It was something she'd been afraid to ask her daughter about. Elena hadn't brought her feelings up in years. The last time she had she'd stormed out of the house in a rage, completely shutting down. "You're a good woman. You've led a hard life but it doesn't mean you have to live that way forever, honey. You can remember without letting it ruin the rest of your life."

"I'm afraid, Mom! Of _course_ I'm afraid..." she swallowed. "You'd be afraid, too if you were me," her eyes locked on her mother's. "I know I'm thirty years old, and I get that it's been 11 years…I know that it's okay to still hurt…but lately that hurt's been brought to the surface. It's always been there but now I can't get away from it. The things I appear to want are also the things that hurt me the most right now. They're one in the same. It's not fair,"

"Damon…" her mom whispered knowingly. "He's the difference, isn't he?"

"I don't know!" she slammed the knife down on the counter. "I don't know, Mom. It's not just him. It's the whole thing. The whole _damn _thing…" she swallowed. "None of it makes sense. He tries to rely on me and I can't be that person. He can't depend on me because I can't depend on anyone but myself. He knows that, but he won't drop it. He won't go away." She had no idea the very same battle was raging within _him. _They were the same person for different reasons.

"It seems to me that you don't really want to get rid of him. If you did, he'd already be gone. Not to be insensitive here, Elena, but you're kind of blunt when it comes to what you don't want."

"And I _have_ been blunt with him, several times! He's so persistent it's annoying! He's arrogant and lazy and completely _clueless_ about the most basic things. He lacks common sense, really…" she rambled and frowned. "What part of 'we're nothing' doesn't he understand, Mom?"

"I guess I'm missing something here…" her mom frowned. "It seems to me he must be _something_ to you if you're this riled up. I haven't seen you worked up about anyone in years. The fact that you have that much of an opinion about him means something."

Elena inhaled. How could she explain what Damon had been to her? She couldn't tell her mom about her obsessive sexual thoughts and memories of a man she'd only known for a month. Miranda would be disappointed in her if she knew she'd let herself stoop to meaningless sex simply because she was afraid of falling in love.

She knew Elena had gone out with guys but she never brought them up, never said names. It would've been a waste of breath as her mother would never have met them, anyway. But would she meet Damon?

Elena told herself time and time again to let it go…let _him_ go. That's what would fix her pain...just being away from _him_. Things had gotten complicated when they shouldn't have. She'd been in arrangements like theirs before and it had never turned out the same. She'd never unable to shake someone.

But Damon was different. He tried breaking the rules. He was a jerk and completely disorganized. His priorities were skewed, but weren't hers? He said he wanted to be friends but she'd turned him down quickly, as if the thought of him sticking around would be _horrible_. Horrible was not a word she associated with Damon Salvatore.

Her chopping became rougher, wilder. She couldn't focus anymore. She felt her breath shortening and she realized her breathing had become rougher, too. She was physically and emotionally fighting a need for him. Why couldn't she just admit it?

"I need a minute," Elena swallowed, pushing her thoughts aside. She walked into the bathroom and splashed water on her red face. She couldn't help but think about what had happened just a few days ago. Work had been frustrating, and she'd gone out for drinks with Andie the last two nights. She hadn't allowed herself to have time to sort out what happened at the airport. She couldn't put a name to the new feelings that had crept into her system when she'd seen Damon with Chase for the first time…when she'd heard herself giving Damon advice…

He was different the last week. Since he'd gotten the phone call about Chase he'd been vulnerable. That was supposed to be a trait she disliked in men. She needed a man who was confident enough in himself that he could walk away from her without a second thought. He wasn't that man, she knew now. And his vulnerability didn't disappoint her; it scared her. The thought of _wanting_ to be needed by him terrified her. So she ran.

But at the airport, things happened quickly. Suddenly she had wanted to help him. She hadn't felt that way about a man in years. She wasn't even sure what her feelings were. Did she just miss the sex? Did she actually want to be his friend? Her answers to him were automatic and quick. She'd said no to men a lot of times. Maybe the words had come easily out of habit. Maybe if she'd had more time she would've thought about it. But her mother's phone call had snapped her out of it quickly. It reminded her of her family…of the reasons _why_ she didn't let herself feel anything for men anymore.

But while Elena was sobbing in her mother's bathroom, as she had hundreds of times over the last 11 years, her phone was buzzing on the kitchen table. Miranda's eyes were locked on a picture of a blue eyed man above the word "DAMON."

It buzzed once. "Elena, your phone!" She called but her daughter didn't answer.

It buzzed again. A few beeps signaled he'd left a voicemail. "Honey, your phone!"

By the third time it started buzzing the phone was in Miranda's hand and she was answering.

"So you're just going to ignore me then?" He said before she could get a word in. "Why can't I call you, Elena? Maybe I want to call you. I think we should talk…" his stomach clenched. He was saying these words with hesitance. It took a lot to come out with them. Little did he know Elena wouldn't be the one hearing it.

"I'm sorry, this isn't Elena…" Miranda swallowed. She felt guilty but deviant at the same time. She smiled to herself. She had to know!

"Oh…" he froze. He'd been nervous for nothing. But who had answered her phone?

"This is her mother, Miranda," she smiled at his voice. He rambled just as much as Elena did, it seemed.

"Miss Gilbert," he cleared his throat. He felt the sudden urge to sound friendly and polite. "Is everything okay with Elena? I've been calling her for a while and…"

"Mom, why are you on my phone?" Damon could hear her voice in the background and he smiled. She sounded pissed.

Elena walked into the room and grabbed her cell. She looked at the screen and rolled her eyes. Her heart pounded in her chest. "What, Damon? I asked you not to call me. I asked you to leave me alone."

"I know, but I just got called about an event Finn wanted me to go to for a prospect. There's a girl performing there that his got his claws all but sunk into. She just so happens to be the same girl that Meredith has been pursuing, Chloe Dash. Remember that little situation?"

"Your point is?" She sighed, plopping down on a kitchen chair and putting her head down on the table. Her cheeks were still red. Miranda watched her with motherly eyes. Damon was definitely _something_ to her daughter, she thought.

"My point is we should go together," he said quickly before he lost the nerve. "She's Meredith's find. You guys should keep her. He's making me go, Elena. He wants me to. She's going to be big. Have you heard her sing?" he gritted his teeth.

"Yeah, I know her. She's come in to talk to us a few times," she sighed, agitated.

"He wants me to seduce her, win her over to our side. This isn't the first time he's had me do this…"

It had been two months since his last pursuit. He'd made excuses while he and Elena were 'together.'

Elena frowned. "And you want me there, why?" She huffed.

"To keep her away from me, duh!" She could practically hear his eye-rolling.

"That makes absolutely no sense. So you want me to come with you to stop you from flirting with Chloe. Can't you control yourself? Here's an idea: if you're as hell bent at screwing your boss over as you seem to be, just don't flirt with her. Just lie about it. Say you did but don't."

"I can't!" He put his hand in his hair. "I'm not going by myself. Some of the other guys from the office are coming with me tonight. They are his friends. They expect this. He expects this. They don't know who you are. You could show up for her, or you could say you're my new girlfriend and make me leave. We could skip the whole Chloe thing altogether..."

"No! No girlfriend lies. Are you serious right now?"

"Yes I'm serious! Trust me, I'm not one to call women up and suggest something like this. I've never cared before, I..."

"Why should I help you?" she swallowed.

"I believe I'd be helping you here," he laughed. "Elena, I don't want you to lose her. I heard things aren't good for Meredith right now. I know your job is on the line if things don't pick up. Finn told me you guys are a little short. That's the hard part about being with a small producer. There aren't guarantees. I get that because that's how it used to be for Finn. That's why he's so desperate to get what he can, Elena. I need my job, too…I need to do this…I just don't want to…"

"But you don't care about screwing him over?" she snapped.

"At first, before I knew you, I didn't care if I screwed him over because he makes me do stupid shit like this from time to time. But now this could cost you your job, Elena. That's why I really care." He said honestly and she bit her lip. "I don't want that for you."

"So I'm supposed to just keep her away from you when you start to flirt with her? What are we supposed to use hand signals and all that? Two snaps for 'get away' and one snap for 'get the _fuck_ away?' Why don't I just tell her who you are and what you're doing? What's the difference?"

"Because they'll hear you and tell Finn and I'll be screwed," he exclaimed.

"Then I should just tell her you're a douche and we can call it a night," she shot back.

"Aw, aren't you sweet?" He mocked, laughing. "You act like she won't want me! She won't know who I am. The plan is to get her to come home with me and play innocent. I'll bust out the whole 'you are so talented' and she'll melt. I'm good at this fake stuff…not that you'd know because you don't let me get a word in edgewise," he sighed dramatically and she shook her head.

He continued, "She's not a big name. Her show was just picked up two days ago. She'll be looking for attention. She hasn't signed anything that says she's yours yet. She'll be looking for the best. The best _is_ Finn, unfortunately. But that's not the best for you. This is a nasty, cold-hearted business, and Finn's ruthless. He won't stop until he gets what he wants. He wants every last one of your prospects because he knows he can get them. That's why he uses me. I'm detached. I don't have anyone to answer to. I'm the perfect tool…or weapon, if you see it that way." He stopped and her heart pumped a little faster. He was doing it again, making her _feel_.

"You're a tool alright," she mumbled under her breath so he couldn't hear. Her momentary lapse in judgment ended when he said,

"And let's face it, I'm hot, Elena. She's going to want me. You're going to have to work mighty hard for what I'm about to do. You know that thing I do with my tongue…" He teased. Her face flushed red and she walked out of the kitchen. Her mother could not be witness to her physical unfolding.

"Up for the challenge?" he asked quickly. "You're good at playing games,"

She felt a tiny stab in her heart. She may appreciate the favor he was trying to do for her but she didn't need his tips and help. He gave them to her without her asking. He was nosy. She wasn't needy. She was perfectly capable of keeping her job without his help….

Not to mention the fact that seeing him drooling all over some other woman churned her stomach. She'd deal with that problem later. She wasn't jealous, she told herself.

"Oh you are so full of yourself," she blew out a breath in disbelief. She was huffing now. "God you're annoying. I can't believe you right now! What about Chase? He's just going to stay home alone while you're off trying to bring random women home? He's been there what…three days and you're already off doing whatever?" She arched an eyebrow at her words. Hadn't she been one of those random women for a while?

"He'll be out with the neighbor kid doing something," he answered proudly.

"That's vague. Is that the only thing he told you?" She realized she actually cared about the boy. She barely knew him but his eyes had said everything in those first few moments.

"I guess. I don't know, Elena. The neighbors are nice. I didn't think I needed to give him the third degree….and don't you dare change the subject on me! Are we saving your ass or not tonight?"

"You can't just call me up and demand I go somewhere with you tonight! It doesn't work like that!" She was pacing around. She was spewing venom but she was close to breaking. "I have plans, okay?" She was internally screaming at herself for even _thinking_ of going with him.

"Oh I can, Elena, and I did. I could've just shown up at your office, but asking you in person didn't go over so well last time. Get your dancing shoes on, baby. We're going out."

"I'm at my parents' house! I can't just rush home to go to a bar with you. I have a life, Damon. You do, too. You have a kid to take care of. He needs you. And If you hate your job so much, get a new one. Don't drag me into this mess,"

"Fine, but I can't promise I won't bring her home. I can't say I won't do anything to her," he whispered and she closed her eyes. It shouldn't have bothered her, but it did. It really, really did.

He continued, "I can't promise I won't win her over. You might lose her, Elena. If the thought of spending any kind of time with me bothers you _that_ much than I guess there really is no hope," he shrugged. "If you lose your job it's your own problem."

"Why are you trying to be nice to me? I treat you terribly," she plopped down on the couch. Miranda could hear everything in the neighboring room. She sat in silence, tears running down her cheeks. Her daughter fought every good thing in her life. She lived as if she didn't deserve happiness, as if she was experiencing some kind of karma. "Why are you so insistent on helping me?"

"Because I like spending time with you," he admitted. "I wanted to be your friend and you shot me down. At least let me do this. At least let me help you, thank you for coming with me to get Chase. Let's just do this once. I'll leave you alone. I promise…I'll never ask you to stop me from seducing a woman ever again. I won't ask you for anything ever again…"

"That's what you said last time," she swallowed. "You're bad at keeping promises,"

"I mean it, Elena. I'm not looking for anything serious with you. I told you that before. I just…I don't know. I just wanted to do this tonight. You make me feel like a fool every time I ask you something. I don't like that. It irritates me that I can't just have my way. I always get my way,"

"So this isn't a favor for me at all. This is for you. You want your way. This makes sense now," Why was she still talking to him? Why hadn't she just hung up already?

"No, I'm just not good at explaining things…" he said quickly. He really was just awkward when it came to deciphering feelings. "You're…"

"No, I get it, Damon. This is exactly what I meant by things getting to be too much. This went from you trying to do me a favor to you admitting that you like spending time with me. Do you see what I mean? You're crossing lines, breaking the rules again."

"The agreement's over. There aren't rules. I'm simply a guy calling you up trying to help. Maybe you're reading too much into it," he swallowed, trying to cover himself. "You're taking this way too seriously. I mean, really. I'm asking you to watch me seduce a woman! Does that _sound_ like I'm trying to ask you on a date? Someone thinks highly of herself!"

"Goodbye Damon," she huffed, pressing the end call button and marched back into the kitchen, refastening her apron and muttering to herself as she resumed chopping the peppers.

"Elena.." Miranda said slowly.

"You know, he really has some nerve, Mom. Do you see what I mean when I say he doesn't take 'no' for an answer? He's absolutely infuriating…calling me up asking me to just leave here to go to some _thing_ with him…" she watched her daughter chop in frustration for a moment before she spoke.

"I think you like it," she dared to say and Elena put the knife down and stared in shock. "You wouldn't be so angry and all red in the face if you didn't like his attention," she walked over to her. "I know you. You quickly drop people, Elena. But you won't drop him. I see it in your face. Who are you frustrated with: him or yourself? Are you angry that he's persistent or are you angry that you're _happy _that he's that way?" Elena just kept chopping, refusing to admit anything.

Seeing her daughter would remain silent, she spoke up. "It's okay, honey. I don't mind if you have to leave tonight. I understand if you want to go with him. He sounds dreamy on the phone and that picture. Oh my…"

"MOM!" Her eyes widened. "Does no one hear me when I say 'no?' It's like you're in cahoots with him or something! I'm a grown woman. This isn't opposite day! When I said 'no' I really meant 'no.'"

"Stop yelling and making excuses and look at me," she slid her daughter's chin to look at her. "Look me in the eye and tell me you absolutely do not care about him…that you don't care if you never see him again."

She stared. "I don't want to care, so I don't," she shrugged. "I'm in control of my own life, my emotions. I choose what I want and I don't want _him_."

"Your eyes are beautiful, Elena, because they can't lie. Even when you were little I could tell if you were lying just by looking at your eyes. They change," she touched her cheek. "You're lying right now. Get your purse and go. Find that man and do whatever it is you need to do to get yourself straightened out. I miss you, honey. I miss the happy you. You know I love you for who you are, but if there's even a chance you could break out of this slump…" she swallowed back tears.

"Fine. But I'm not going for him. I'm going for me. This is a work thing and that's it," she grabbed her purse and keys. "I love you, Mom, but you sure know how to drive me crazy sometimes."

"It's only because I know you deserve more, sweetheart. You'll thank me when it all works out,"

"It's a work thing," she said in a sing song voice as she closed the front door. Her eyes widened and she smiled as she came across a familiar face walking up the driveway.

"Hi there, baby bear," he said. "Leaving so soon?"

"Hi, Daddy," she kissed him on the cheek. "Something for work just came up. Whatever mom says, ignore. She's on one of her 'Elena needs a man' tirades again," her eyebrows arched. "I needed to bail before she started writing out the wedding invitations,"

"Oh no," Greyson smiled. "Don't worry, honey. I'll keep her in check. Come around more often, will you? We miss you around here. Your mother doesn't mean anything by it. Maybe if you showed your face more she wouldn't have to cram a month's worth of emotion into a few hours," he winked kindly.

"Sure," she smiled sadly. Family dinners had become less frequent over the last five years. She loved her family and they were her sounding posts, but sometimes being near them made things worse. They didn't mean to hurt her or push her, but they reminded her of the childhood she just so desperately needed to overcome. It wouldn't go away; her mother was right. She might have put her pain on the back burner for a while, messed around with guys and focused on her work…

* * *

But it was back. Her feelings were threatening to come back. She was rusty when it came to emotions other than sadness. She hadn't let herself care about a man in 11 years. She wasn't about to throw caution to the wind after more than a decade of healing. Her Mom was right; she had some sort of feelings for Damon. They were indecipherable and more likely _bad_ than good…but they were there. He made her hurt and smile at the same time. He brought a good fire out of her after so many years of nothing. In a month he'd managed to just make her _feel_ something. Maybe she owed it to herself to figure out what it was. She needed to either accept it or get rid of it. She couldn't go on as a ball of pent up emotions. She'd burst at his touch.

She'd find herself slinking into a red strapless dress and red heels in a matter of two hours. She wouldn't call him in case she changed her mind. She didn't owe him anything. This was for her, she told herself. She caught a cab and stood in line in front of the brick building downtown. She was in a cloud of smoke and a mass of loud people, but when she walked through those doors she didn't see him. The music had stopped and the show was clearly over. She pushed through the crowd, searching. She flashed the ID around her neck and they allowed her backstage. It was dark and empty, but then she saw him.

Damon Salvatore's hands were pressed against the side of the wall. His head was leaned down, his lips on the blonde woman he'd agreed to seduce. He'd made good on his promise. She'd secretly thought he might skip the Chloe thing, even if she didn't show up. If he cared enough, if he wanted to help her, he wouldn't go through with it, she thought. But now his lips were consuming someone other than her and her stomach was twisting with an unknown feeling.

Elena really _did _mean nothing to him, she thought. This was why she didn't want to feel anything. How stupid could she have been to actually think, for just a moment, that she meant more to him than just sex.

* * *

**A/N: I'm so addicted to writing this story already. These characters are fun and so different than my others. I'm happy to bring Damon's carefree side and bring in a little more of the snark that exists between them on the show. Elena seems bitter but I think we all know she's breaking slowly.**

**Next chapter we'll see her reaction to the kiss! Thanks again!**


	4. Addicted

**A/N: The responses have been so amazing! I am so thankful for those of you who have favorited, alerted and reviewed. You make updating so fun! We know what's coming this chapter. It is all present, no flashbacks this go around. We need a look into their thoughts. They are both so powerful when it comes to the other and they are completely oblivious to that fact. There's no telling who will finally make the first move once we see how they feel….**

**This chapter uses Kelly Clarkson's "Addicted." It's old but it's all I could hear as I wrote this. So there we have it. **

**Thanks for the reviews! Hope you enjoy this one just as much. It was amazing to write.**

* * *

**All At Once**

**Chapter 3: Addicted**

"**I'm hooked on you****  
****I need a fix****  
****I can't take it****  
****Just one more hit****  
****I promise I can deal with it****  
****I'll handle it, quit it****  
****Just one more time****  
****Then that's it****  
****Just a little bit more to get me through this"**

* * *

Elena's eyes were glued to Damon as he writhed with the thin woman against the wall. His hands stayed above her head and his lips moved quickly and roughly along the woman's jawline. Elena gasped a little as she saw Chloe's hands tugging in his hair. It was a familiar scene, Damon wild and passionate. But she'd always seen his lips moving toward her, not someone else. Not someone he didn't know…

But he didn't know her either; not really. He certainly knew her more than Chloe, but he chose to kiss her just the same. Elena's thoughts burrowed into the pit of her stomach, delivering a sinking feeling that she couldn't identify.

"Your lips are so soft," he muttered and Elena frowned. His breathing became uneven as he pushed himself harder into the woman. "Your voice is beautiful…." He said close to her ear, but Elena could hear every word. It wasn't so loud backstage. "I have a friend in the business…." And then he leaned in and whispered something that Elena _couldn't_ hear into Chloe's ear.

She was rendered speechless as she watched. He moved with recklessness, carelessness as his hands dropped from the wall onto her body, pressing into her hips. Damon craved moments like this; she knew that all too well. He'd always been eager to please…almost always initiated things, but never turned her down when she called him in the middle of the night.

But Chloe wouldn't become what she had to him…Chloe was work, nothing more to him. She was a random woman who could give him what he needed in many senses of the word. She wasn't anything special and she certainly wasn't Elena.

She'd once been a random to him, too, she knew. Had she looked slutty and dangerous as Chloe did now? The aching in her stomach kicked up again and she could now identify the feeling as betrayal. His lips were on _her_ artist. He'd seemed so adamant about saving her job just hours ago, but the way he leaned into Chloe as she undid his shirt buttons suggested otherwise. He didn't look like he gave a _damn_ about Elena or her job, she thought. Yes, he'd been perfectly clear about his intentions for Chloe. He'd given her a chance to intervene and she'd completely disregarded his suggestion. Maybe it was her fault he was all over this woman now. Maybe it was _her_ fault she felt sick to her stomach.

But as much as she tried to convince herself that Damon kissing Chloe hurt simply for the fact that it could ruin her job, she knew otherwise. His lips weren't just on her artist; they were on someone's other than _hers_. He wasn't Elena's; she had no right to be so…irritated? Irritated.

She'd told him time and time again that they were nothing to one another. But the sudden possessiveness she felt toward him as he moaned into another woman's mouth alarmed her. In her own mind, where no one else could hear, she could admit to herself that she wanted to rip him away from her and kiss him herself. He didn't need to know that, though. Her feelings didn't make sense to _her_; they sure as hell wouldn't make sense to him.

She couldn't be what he seemed to need, as much as may have started wishing she could be. Seeing him consume someone else made her _want_ to be his exclusively. He didn't look right with anyone but her.

Frankly, she was shocked he went through with the plan. Sure, he was a jerk sometimes, but the way he'd gone on and on about how he didn't _want_ to seduce Chloe had her thoroughly convinced that he wasn't going to do it. But he'd done it alright, and it didn't appear any of Finn's cronies were backstage watching, either. He was alone with her and he'd still chosen to do it. His tongue was halfway down her throat and he didn't look to be slowing down.

She swallowed. Her throat suddenly ached with heat and she realized she was fighting back tears. Tears for a man! Before a week ago, she hadn't shed a single tear for a man in years. She'd let the pain prevent her heart from hurting enough to cry. But now there was _this_. Suddenly that tiny, curious little part of her that wanted to poke its head out from the dark corner and _try_ Damon was high-tailing it in the other direction. It was scolding itself, saying 'I told you so.'

Damon Salvatore was a beast. He was powerful and sexy but he had a way of making a woman feel powerful, too. Elena had felt that power many times. It was intoxicating, wonderful. Chloe appeared to feel that, too, as her breathing increased when she ripped his shirt open.

Elena cursed herself as the woman's hands ran up and down his chest. She had felt his strong chest more than a dozen times. She'd done the very same thing with perhaps the very same carelessness, but now she was a third party, a disgusted on-looker. As the scene played out before her, she felt weak and angry, bitter and confused…but mostly just plain sick.

Just how long would he let this go on? Was it even for a job anymore? He couldn't actually _like_ kissing Chloe, could he? And how long could Elena keep her mouth shut? The stinging in her eyes turned to tiny droplets and before she realized it, she was watching him through tears…angry, _jealous_ tears.

Work was at the back of her mind and now she was just anxious for it to end.

Her stomach flipped with anxiety and regret for the last week. She'd really let her guard down. _He_ didn't know that, but she did. Even her mother had seen right through her façade. Damon Salvatore was getting under her skin and she wasn't so sure she wanted him to leave. Moments like this one, however, reminded her how foolish she'd become in such a short while. She may not have been able to put a label on her feelings, but it had been a long while since she'd felt _that_ way.

But Damon's blue eyes were different, they were oceans she got lost in, not stormy seas she'd run from…

Her head pounded with two options. One, she could keep her mouth shut, turn around and have some drinks at the bar. Maybe he'd see her, and maybe he'd be too busy with Chloe to even notice. He'd never have to know she'd even shown up. They'd never talk again and she could forget him and this mess for good. That was if he'd stop calling.

Option two was to march up to him, pull him away from her and do the unthinkable: pretend she was his girlfriend, as he'd suggested earlier. She could be wicked….he loved her that way. Their entire arrangement had been a game, hadn't it? What was one more role if it meant keeping her job? But just who would have the upper hand? Watching him now, feeling these _things_ made her think she'd be the one losing. Her little heart had been wound so tightly for so many years…playing games like that would confuse _her_ more than Chloe, wouldn't it?

Damon Salvatore was her favorite game, but he wasn't so fun anymore…

He was oblivious to Elena's slow breakdown. She'd been processing thoughts and fears and all the while he'd been using his lips to get him what he wanted. She hadn't wanted to come to the club when she knew it was just a scheme, but now it felt _real_. He was going through with it…Chloe would be in his bed in a matter of an hour, if he kept it up. He was wild and got what he wanted. It had only taken two flashes of his beautiful smile to make Elena's clothes fall off, and Chloe seemed much less tactful than that. She could sing, but that was about it. There was hardly anything attractive about her personality, Elena thought. But Damon hadn't ever really known Elena's personality either. She'd insisted it be that way but now she wasn't so sure that was smart. Maybe she should've let him in a little more. But now it was probably too late.

She'd secretly _smiled_ when he said he wasn't with any other women when they were 'together,' so to speak. While she'd deny it up and down, inside she felt happy that he didn't need anyone else. But it appeared, now, that she was wrong. Begging her to stay with him had just been another one of his games, she was sure. His eyes had been so different when he'd asked her go with him to airport and for breakfast. She'd sworn she heard neediness, vulnerability in his voice. She'd wanted to hate it, but she hadn't. It secretly made her feel special in a way no one had in years. But he didn't look like needed her now.

That was what hurt the most. _That_ was what made her final decision. She didn't want to play games if she had no chance of coming out on top. When had she let her feelings in? She couldn't even decipher when he'd started becoming her addiction. One day he'd been sex and the next he'd been all she could think about. And while she'd attributed the thoughts to her own needs, she now realized that she may have been a tiny bit off par with that. Some that consumed her thoughts that much _couldn't_ just be sex.

She was good at convincing herself of a lot of things, but this one snuck up on her and she couldn't deny it. He was something more. She just wasn't good enough to be more to him.

She'd spent eleven years avoiding pain; she wasn't about to set herself up for failure over one, confusing man, especially when she wasn't even sure what she _thought_ about him.

She cursed herself for being so stupid. She's waged a war within herself that threatened to stick with her for days. The image of his hands on someone else burned her retinas. In the last two minutes, she'd completely forgotten why she was even there. Had she gone to save her job or just to see him? The internal questions are what did her in. She had to make a decision and it had to be hasty, before he saw her, before it was too late. She'd be wordless if he asked her why she was there. She had to go.

She wouldn't allow the world 'jealousy' to even cross her mind. It was anger…that's what it was, anger and resentment.

Her hands shook, balled into tight little fists. She was angry with him and she hated it. She had no right. He wasn't hers. He was simply doing his job. She exhaled and turned around, set to march back out into the club. There would be no fake girlfriend. Seeing him do those things with Chloe…the things he'd done to her just a week ago, stilled her. She pushed the little voices shouting 'hypocrite' out of her mind and told herself the two of them had been different.

She hadn't wanted them to be different, back then, but they were. Denying it wasn't getting her anywhere so she may as well accept it. It didn't have to mean anything if she didn't let it.

She didn't feel used when she was with him. She felt sated and dangerous in his arms. A little part of her felt vindicated when they were together. She attributed those feelings to physical release, at first, but no other man had ever been quite what Damon had. No one made her crave like he did.

There was a difference between detachment and whoring. She actually had a _reason_ to fear anything more with him. Chloe could have him and he could have whomever else he wanted. He just couldn't have _her_. He made her hurt too much, made her feel. That was exactly the problem. She wouldn't be crying in a foggy club if it weren't for him. She needed to go.

And as her hand pushed on the wooden exit door into the club, she heard him call her name. "ELENA!" His voice was panicked, strained over the thumping of the loud music. She cringed, wishing so much she hadn't stood there and gawked for so long before making a decision. She could be out there drinking by now…out there _not_ caring. She shook her head and pushed through the door, never looking back at him.

* * *

The music got louder and the crowds got thicker. Her hands slipped above her head to narrow herself out enough to easily slide through the masses of people on the dance floor. She felt foolish; alone. She feared losing herself, again. The moment she let a man dictate her thoughts and actions was the same moment she fell back into that trap again. She'd been there before and it had ended in heartbreak and pain.

Damon Salvatore wasn't _him_…no one could possibly hurt her the way he had so many years ago. She'd let herself fall in love with him and he'd taken everything from her in the blink of an eye. There was no erasing that moment from her memory. She'd take it to her grave and she prayed he had, too.

But the incessant man that he _was_ wouldn't leave her alone with her thoughts for long. He demanded her attention. He'd flipped the switch from vulnerable to demanding in a matter of two days and she half wondered if she'd been the cause for his change. Had things with Chase been hard or easy? The very idea that he was out, chasing her around in a club at 10 pm instead of watching his newly transplanted nephew made her feel guilty. And then she realized she was _still_ playing games.

She could've very easily just yelled at him and left, but she was sliding through the crowds, purposely making him follow her. Her conscious could kick itself for it, but it excited her. After the wave of emotions he'd unknowingly put her through backstage, it was time _he_ felt a little out of his element for once. She could've slapped herself for wanting him after everything she'd told herself. But she did want him, very much so. She wanted his eyes on her, his lips saying her name. It was selfish and she knew it. There wasn't any way to justify it. He was her favorite game…she just wanted to be his….

"Elena!" He breathed as his hands caught on the edge of the bar counter. She was waiting on a shot by the time he arrived. He was panting; His face was smudged with red lipstick, his hair was tugged in every direction but the right one. She noticed a slight tint of pink in his stubbly cheeks and let out a small, inaudible sigh. The club was loud, there was no chance he'd heard the sound of need in her throat when their eyes met. He swallowed and watched her down a shot of tequila. "What the hell are you doing?" He frowned.

"Having a drink, clearly," she bit into a lime and sent another shot down her throat before sliding the two tiny glasses toward the bartender. He offered her another but she simply shook her head.

"You know what I mean," he had a seat next to her, flattening his hair and buttoning his top four buttons. His shirt had lost a few in Chloe's hurriedness, but it was still able to be closed. "I thought you weren't coming!" He yelled over the music as the bass kicked in. Strobe lights flickered over her eyes and he was suddenly moving in slow motion, a flip book animation before her. His jawline was strong, firm. She remembered feeling it against her thighs. She huffed. The game proved more difficult than she'd thought and she wasn't sure he was even playing.

"Then you show up like _this_," he continued. His eyes widened as she realized what she was wearing, "and don't do your job at all! You saw me kiss her and you just walked away? Elena, come on! I told you…"

"My job?" She laughed, "It's hardly my job to follow you around do what you say! You seemed to have a handle on it, so I left. You hardly looked like you wanted my help," she tried to hide the bitterness in her voice but he heard something change.

"Then why are you still here? I thought you were busy!" He ordered a beer and wiped the lipstick from his face with the sleeve of his shirt. "Now you have all the time the world to sit here and drink? Do you even care that I was trying to help you tonight? Forgive me for sounding stupid, but you are the single most confusing, _irritating_ woman… "

"I don't need your help," she swallowed. "Like you said, this is a cutthroat business and I don't, for the life of me, understand why you care whether or not I keep my job. I don't need some playboy to give me tips on which artists aren't going to sign with Meredith. I'm just a secretary. Don't turn me into one of _you…_" she slipped off the barstool and made her way to the dance floor. He watched the sway of her hips and remembered the feel of his hands on her bare skin. He swallowed, wide mouthed and blinking when he saw her arms slinking around another man's neck in the far corner of the room. In a moment's time, she was pulling him onto the dance floor.

It was a wicked plan, she knew, to make him beg again. But wicked was what she knew, it was easy. The only attention she'd ever wanted from Damon had been physical, but now she was tugging at his heart and she knew that. Years ago she would've scoffed at herself for this. She'd been young and naïve and trusting. She'd given her heart too easily, too quickly. She'd never do that again. She wasn't even sure _why_ she wanted Damon's attention anymore. Everything she'd said to him over the last week had all but pushed him away. But as she locked her fingers in the dark blonde man's hair, she smirked. Out of the corner of her eye she saw Damon's blues getting closer to her. But just as she thought she was winning, Chloe appeared.

"I'm ready to go," she snapped her clutch wallet closed. "You wouldn't _believe_ the line in the bathroom…" she shuttered. "Did you tell Elena what you wanted to?" she smiled, unknowingly. Damon's breath caught in his chest at the memory of the words he'd whispered in Chloe's ear. Unlike Chloe, he smiled _knowingly_. He'd handle that later.

"Yeah…" she frowned as Elena stepped closer to the man on the dance floor. "Yeah, we had our signals crossed…" he huffed and changed the subject. "I thought it was later than it is…let's just stick around and dance for a while?" Chloe nodded and he licked his lips and his cheeks flushed as he watched the way Elena's hair shined in the bright lights. Was she aware of how intently he watched her move? Was she doing it on purpose, just to get to him? No, she wouldn't. She didn't want him anymore, he told himself. Her movements with the other man were as insignificant as they had been with him, he figured. But she was a goddess on the dance floor and he couldn't get enough.

He wouldn't touch her…he just wanted to watch her. He wanted to torture himself as she danced with another man. It made him _feel_ something again…she always made him feel something. He'd cling to that, even if that feeling was jealousy. He'd never really felt jealous before. It sort of felt good to care…

His eyes flicked to his fancy watch. It was 10:30. He'd told Chase he'd be home no later than midnight. Had he really thought it would be okay to bring Chloe home with him? Part of the reason he hadn't been overly insistent that he and Elena keep their arrangement was because he knew it wasn't good for Chase to be exposed to that. He was young, impressionable, and from what he'd gotten from their previous conversations, horny. He had a job to do and it _wasn't_ flirting with a woman he didn't even care about. He needed to wrap things up, but he couldn't just leave Elena there…not with _him_…

He pulled Chloe into him again, sliding his hands along her sides. He spun her around so he could face Elena. She was giggling and whispering something in the man's ear and Damon's fingers tightened into Chloe's sides. "Ouch, Damon." He blinked and apologized. His body's reactions to Elena on another man surprised him. Possessiveness was one thing but this was ridiculous.

Maybe it had more to do with the fact that he _knew_ the man she was grinding against. Klaus was one of Finn's up and comers. He was supposed to be watching and learning from Damon that night. He wasn't supposed to have his hands all over Elena. No, he didn't know who she was or what she meant to Damon.

She was just a random woman to Klaus…as she'd once been to Damon. But he'd never felt angry when another one of his women danced with someone else. It had just been one less step he'd had to take toward getting rid of a woman he was done with. He wasn't done with Elena. No chance. He'd like to think he had barely begun when it came to her.

She fought, but she didn't fight fair. He'd only had the advantage over her for a short while. Halfway through their agreement, he'd realized he was at her whim. He'd have done anything she wanted just to keep her close. That had gone terribly wrong for him and now they were there. His lips were on another woman's half an hour ago and she was in the arms of the up and coming douche of his company.

Damon was stuck on her; his stare burned a hole into her until she turned and met his eyes. She was breathy and her eyes were lust-filled. He couldn't almost feel her hot breath on his skin from across the room. She was passion.

Her arms were on Klaus but he could swear she was talking to _him_ with her eyes, moaning his name. smiling at _him_. He'd seen that look before, right before she exploded against him. Her brown eyes were a window to a place he'd never let himself enter. He was knocking but just wouldn't let him sneak in.

He could practically hear her panting from across the room. Their eyes were locked in a heated stare. She was dangerous when she was like this. She looked so needy…something he rarely saw. But she looked like she need _him_, wanted _him_ instead of the man in her arms. He swallowed, clearing his thoughts. He'd never wanted to understand someone more in his life; Elena was the biggest, most beautiful mystery he'd ever experienced. He loved to stare at her and wonder. Behind her dangerous, sexy eyes and her biting words existed something more…something sad and broken, someone afraid to feel.

He knew he shouldn't but he couldn't help but feel for her. The sweet words she'd said to him at the airport, the sad looks in her eyes were so telling, he was sure. She was afraid of something bigger than he knew and she didn't trust him enough to share it. For someone who never wanted an ounce of responsibility in his life, he suddenly found himself wanting to be that someone she could rely on. He wanted to fix her.

She was eye-fucking him from across the room and he was having an emotional breakdown about her. What had become of him? He shook his thoughts away; he, too, had things to fear when it came to Elena. He unglued his eyes from her gaze and found Chloe's eyes again. They held nothing…no compelling need for anything more than physical pleasure. He'd seen that look in Elena's eyes once…but somewhere along time lines, whether she wanted to admit it or not, something had changed when she'd looked at him. He'd let himself feel hopeful about that.

He spun Chloe around and breathed up in the air, telling himself Elena didn't want the things he wished he could be for her. She was playing games now and he_ was_ playing along.

He was as bad at resisting he as she was him, it seemed. The magnetic pull beckoned and he was moments away from answering it. He was only a man; he could only take so much.

When he watched as Klaus leaned down and placed a drunken kiss on Elena's bare shoulder he'd had enough. "I'm sorry, Chloe…" he kissed her on the forehead. "There's more to it than I told you backstage," he bit his lip. "I have to go." She frowned but quickly scampered off to the bar, flirting with a few men as if Damon walking away hadn't affected her in the slightest.

He was inches away from them now, his hands itching to touch her. She was so forbidden in so many ways and he knew it. Maybe that's why he wanted her so badly, he told himself. He couldn't let himself believe it for long though, when her eyes turned to his again. "I see you've met my co-worker, Klaus," he yelled over the music. Elena swallowed and her hands jumped off him quickly. Suddenly her plan hadn't worked so well. Damon was by her, but the last thing she wanted was to wrap herself up in another man like _that_. She wanted attention but not just from a random man as she'd made it seem. She wanted _Damon's_ attention…all of it…she needed it….

"Klaus is a great guy in the work setting but man, he's a terrible dancer," he said out of the corner of his mouth to Elena and Klaus rolled his eyes. "You see he's doing it all wrong," he took Elena's waist in his hands, as he'd held her dozens of times over the last month. The corners of his mouth turned upward as he felt her surprisingly relax in his hands for a minute. It felt good, like a rush of relief to be touching again. A week without _this_ had been too long for both of them. They were screwed and he knew it. When he looked into her eyes and his hands roamed along the sides of her torso he knew he'd never get enough of her. It was pointless to try. Every moment with her made him want her more.

His thumbs rested gently in her ribcage and his head pressed against her forehead as they moved instinctively to the music. "We know all about rhythm, don't we?" He whispered in her ear. She gasped a little and nodded. "We did this backwards. Dancing should lead to sex…I knew we'd be good at dancing because we're so good at sex, Elena." She gulped. She was on fire and she was losing herself slowly. She welcomed the feel of her body unraveling in his arms.

Klaus had long gone before she took her eyes off Damon's. She swallowed. Her breath was hot and nervous as she felt him press against her. He felt right against her, as she knew he would. The feeling wasn't gone. A week of nothing hadn't done a thing to fix her need. Her thoughts of him were insatiable. She needed more than just memories to get her by, now. She bit her lip and inhaled sharply as she let herself lose control with him for just a moment.

Just one more moment together was all they needed; he was right. If they had that moment, if they just said goodbye, things would just go back to normal. She'd let herself get minorly wrapped up in emotions that she hadn't wanted to. She owed herself a goodbye. It shocked her, but she accepted it.

Everything she'd been fighting against when it came to him seemed small, insignificant when she felt his hot breath against her cheek. He'd managed to make her feel as unnerved and hot as when she'd been in his bed…and they were fully clothed and dancing in a public place. She eyed his tongue and heated at the memory of the feel of in her own mouth. She was losing her own game now, as she'd always known she would. That tiny voice inside her head whispered _'try_, _Elena_. _He's different,_'

She could do nothing to stop her body's reaction Damon's whispers or her own. Visions of him with Chloe were gone….the fog and the music of the club was gone…they were alone in a hot stare when she felt his mouth press into the corner of hers. It was slow and needy, unlike any other kiss he'd given her. He seemed to be memorizing her taste, in case he'd never experience it again. But her breath was shaky and her hands pressed into the back of his neck, pulling him into her lips roughly, sending that soft tongue to dance with hers. She'd lost her mind, she knew. She'd lost her god damn mind for Damon.

A week's worth of convincing herself to drop him had done nothing. There was no dropping Damon Salvatore. He was feeding her addiction now but the cravings would only get worse if she didn't put a stop to it.

He kissed her on that dance floor for a moment before he whispered in her ear. "Lena," he paused, raspy. His lips were swollen from her kisses. _Len_a. She liked that nickname. She swallowed, losing herself in his words again.

"Lena, I miss you…" he kissed from her ear down her jawline. Her back arched into him and she panted as he teased the corners of her lips again. "Come home with me tonight," his lips were warm and gentle now. They slowly begged her for more. But the look in his eyes was _too_…adoring, loving…it was too, too much. She liked it, she wanted more, she…

She shook her head, fighting those _feelings_ again. Kissing him was one thing…it _felt good_. But reaching deeper inside of herself, choosing to go home with him and start all _that_ up again wasn't an option. He had Chase. He needed to be responsible and as much as she wanted and needed his physical attention again, she had to remember Chase had to come first. She didn't want Chase to know how fucked up she was; didn't want him have to deal with more drama than he already probably was.

It seemed easy to think about Chase's thoughts and needs. He was a child. Feeling something toward him didn't threaten her. It was her growing desire to be with Damon that scared her. She'd let herself go on that dance floor. She'd gone from needing random, physical attention from any man to just wanting Damon's attention. Just _attention_, not even just sex! She sighed, shaking under his kisses again. He tasted like a hot combination of comfort and fear all rolled into one. She could've burst right there on the dance floor if he hadn't pulled away to beg again,

"Please, baby…" he kissed her cheek. "Don't push me away...I can't explain it…I just miss you," but the traces of her lipstick mixed with Chloe's on his skin _stung_ her.

"No, Damon. Don't. We can't," she whispered breathlessly as his hands cradled her neck. "We can't do this," she stood still, her hands on her sides, but she leaned into his touches. She was saying one thing and showing another. He saw the ache, need in her eyes. She was fighting something when it came to him. He was sure of it. He couldn't let go…she couldn't go away so easily…not when she looked at him like _that_…felt like _that_ against his lips. She made him want to work to get her.

"Don't you feel it? This," he took her hand that dangled on her side and placed on his racing heart. "Your heart is doing it, too, Elena. You want me, too. You just won't admit it…" he whispered in her ear. "Why? Elena, just give _in_…let me try with you…come _home_ with me…"

"No," she swallowed. Her throat ached again. She wouldn't cry…she couldn't. This sexy scene on the dance floor would not end in tears, she reminded herself. She'd come so far… "I just wanted to have fun with you. This isn't fun anymore. Not when it feel s like this,"

"Like what?" he was backing her into a corner now, his hands clawing into her hair. How could she explain how she'd felt when she saw him kissing Chloe? She was so insistent that she didn't want anything more than sex with him. She'd sound ridiculous if she told him she felt jealous when she'd seen him with someone else…even if it was for work and she knew he was going to do it. It wasn't any easier.

"Too much, too much attachment," she whispered, closing her eyes. She wanted so badly to pull him onto her again and feel that relief of his biting her lip but she forced her hands to still on his arms, pushing him back away from her. "What part of 'we're over' don't you get? You can't just come to a club, kiss some bimbo and expect me to go home and fuck you like it never happened," she frowned.

His heart stopped in his chest. She was crass and serious. Apparently he hadn't made his intentions clear when it came to her. He didn't know how to explain that he didn't just want _sex_ from her anymore…and her reaction to the Chloe thing was surprising. His eyes filled with hope for a moment as she sounded bothered by it.

"So you're jealous," he said carefully, but she just shook her head and smiled, angry with herself. She hadn't denied it and he realized that. That page was left unturned, but he'd still put a bookmark in it, just in case.

She broke through his intermission of thoughts when she continued, "You feel good and this is fun," she swallowed, "But we can't keep doing this. We act like we have no control over ourselves. Clearly we do, and it's a good thing, because you have a nephew waiting for you at home," she sighed. "You're out here feeling me up when you should be there. You need to go home to him, be there for him. You can't bring me home and do _that_ to me when he's in the other room. It's not right, Damon…" she shook her head. "I can only be sex for you…that's all I know how to be when it comes to men anymore," her honesty calmed him for a minute, even though she wasn't saying what he wanted to hear. "We said it was done. Why can't you just be done? This…this _hurts_ me…"

She didn't say why, but she'd let him in, if only a little bit. She wasn't clear but she wasn't in a complete, secretive haze anymore. He could respect what she'd given him with that.

Suddenly she was _talking_ to him. She was explaining emotions as she'd never done before. She wasn't just pushing him away and running. He blinked, savoring her passion. There were so many untouched layers to Elena Gilbert and he feared he'd never get the chance to peel them away. He knew two things about her: their bodies were fire together and their hearts might be too, if she'd just open up a little more. She had the capacity to be so many firsts for him, but she wasn't even willing to try. He'd never wanted something as badly as he wanted to hold onto Elena, just to see what she _was_ to him.

Now her words were deafening. The heart he didn't knew could hurt was thudding in want, now. If sex was her problem then he'd drop it. He just wanted to be her friend…whatever she'd let him be. He wasn't ready to just drop _her_.

"I'm ending this for Chase as much as I am for us. I can't be what you need and I can't be in the way when it comes to him. I'm the exact opposite of the woman role-model he needs. You say you want detachment but your eyes say something different. I can't handle that," she sniffled a little.

"You're good with him," he shook his head in return, folding his fingers in hers. "He likes you. We like you..." he smiled.

"Well stop it," she smiled back sadly. The silence of their moment stopped and the music thudded in their ears again. She shouted over the bass so he could hear her. Her throat ached from emotion and yelling.

"Stop waiting for me to change because I'll only disappoint you. No matter how many times or ways you ask me it's going to be the same," she bit her lip. "You keep calling me, thinking you'll change my mind and win me over to your side. But you won't. I've been there before and it's not for me," she shook her head. "So stop, please… you need someone who can be good for you, not just someone who will sleep with you and run out the door," she cringed. She wanted to be that…somewhere in her head she realized she wanted to be that for him. She just didn't think she could be. "Our sex is amazing but that's not enough for you, I can see that now."

"Sex is all I know, too, Elena. I'm as screwed up as you. We can try this..."

She shook her head. "Forget about me, please," she asked kindly. "Don't let a fucked up woman like me come between you and your nephew," the words swirled in his head as he remembered saying something so similar to Stefan 14 years ago.

He'd never let a woman consume him, he'd told himself. He'd never let someone dictate his decisions. But Elena was saying goodbye for the fourth time that week and he couldn't accept it. She may have been swirly around in his head but he had chosen not to shut her out.

"You won't…" he tugged her arm toward the exit, "Listen to me, please." He stared into her eyes and as they breathed in the cool air outside the club. Away from the noise, away from the neon lights and the smoke, things were calmer. The moment was harder, sadder. "I can't say goodbye. I've tried…" he was going against everything he'd ever known. He let her see the real him, the parts he'd been afraid to show everyone else. He was vulnerable and he didn't want to be. "I'm addicted to you…"

"Maybe that's the problem," she swallowed, not sharing that she felt the same. He frowned. He recognized the pain in his stomach as disappointment. "You, of anyone, should know addictions destroy lives, Damon," he stared at her, astonished that she would go there. For someone who wanted to help Chase, she sure did know how to bring up painful things that reminded Damon just why his nephew was there in the first place. He was speechless…angry and disappointed that she'd sunk to that level. If she'd just wanted to push him away she could've said no…

But he hadn't listened. He'd never listen. That's why she had to hurt him. Even though their arrangement was meant to be pain-free, they'd both ended up getting hurt. But she would only hurt them worse if she stuck around much longer. She had to learn to say 'no' to herself when it came to Damon. It said something that she wanted to be selfless when it came to his feelings.

"I won't do that to you," she shook her head. "Forget me," she squeezed his hand and called a cab. She was gone, cruising down the busy streets of Los Angeles. Damon was left staring, wondering what the hell had just happened. He'd almost had her. He saw the appreciation and want in her eyes. He felt the tension and need in her kisses…but her mouth was dangerous. It said and did completely different things.

Now he'd go home to his new, confusing life. He'd learned to _feel_ for a woman and it had painfully reminded him why he'd fought doing it for so long. Elena Gilbert stomped all over the picture perfect new life he'd created in his mind. He wanted her to be his friend, was that too much to ask? He hadn't said lover, he hadn't said girlfriend. He just wanted her in his life…somehow. He wanted her to be there with them, watching movies, eating dinners. He wanted to _try_ when it came to her…

But now he was alone with his thoughts again. He was forced to be the father his brother had chosen _not_ to be. He had bigger things to focus on than hurt feelings. He couldn't close himself off to feeling everything. His heart needed to stay open for Chase. Just because he'd failed at the first thing he'd ever wanted with a woman didn't mean he'd fail at taking care of his nephew. Caring for a woman and caring for a kid were two very different things. If his brother had been able to realize that and separate the two they wouldn't be in their current situation. Damon would still be having random, wild sex with whomever he wanted instead of gritting his teeth on a dirty, busy street corner, thinking about Elena Gilbert.

* * *

**A/N: This chapter was so fun to write. The tension between Damon and Elena is so tight. I needed to give them a chapter to sort out their feelings within themselves. No one has really admitted anything, as neither of them actually understands the extent of their feelings. These feelings are so new to Damon, as he's never cared before. But Elena **_**has**_** been in love. Her love is part of that painful past that is the slow reveal in this story.**

**Her reactions sound the same but I hope to show you that she's slowly coming undone around him. Her walls are cracking. They **_**will**_** fall. It's a matter of how and when. What will make her come around, back to him after she's said goodbye so many times? **

**I'm enjoying this immensely. **

**Thank you so much for your thoughts and time! **


	5. Try

**A/N: We've got dreams and a tiny peek into Elena's past in this one. We've got jealousy and hurt and need all rolled into one in this chapter. The Salvatore boys both have a hold on Elena, it seems. **

**Thank you for the wonderful feedback and alerts/favorites. I am so happy to see so many of you enjoying this story so much. Like I said before, it is addicting to write. It makes it all the more fun when I know it's going well. So thank you! **

**This chapter uses "Try" by Nelly Furtado.**

* * *

**All At Once**

**Chapter 4: Try**

Elena closed her eyes as strong hands roamed over her skin. She smiled when she felt his lips kissing her stomach, his tongue circling her navel. His fingers twisted with hers with hers above her head, grabbing her bed sheets. Her heart was pounding, about to burst from the searing contact of his tongue in her mouth. She couldn't get enough of the taste of his skin. She needed more. He leaned in to whisper _"stay with me, Elena…"_ into her ear and she nodded hungrily, until her brain allowed her to process the voice. It was familiar but not _his_…not the voice she wanted to hear….

He pulled away and she froze. The hands…the strong hands on her weren't Damon's. They were too _rough_ to be his. The eyes looking down at her weren't crystal blue...they were murky green and dangerous. And the lips on her skin were no longer gentle, they were coarse and demanding.

The hair nuzzling into her neck wasn't raven black; it was chocolate brown. Messy brown bangs hung in the boy's eyes. She was 15 again, and the he was 17. Suddenly she was tugging away, running away….as she had so many times in her nightmares…

_"She won't know, Elena…she doesn't have to know….we love each other, right?"_ He said. _"It can be our secret…"_ she ran harder, further away from the words she'd once thought were beautiful and promising. She had been so in love back then. Now the words sent shivers down her spine as she fled. All their beautiful memories had shattered in the blink of an eye.

But the voice chased her…this time with words from a different time; a different memory. She was 19 this time, "_You said you loved me,"_ he called out in an echoed voice as he chased after her. _"You used to love me…"_ He was angry, pleading…

He couldn't be there! He couldn't be. She was dreaming about kissing Damon, not him_._ He was supposed to be gone…he was supposed to be dead!

"I saw you die! I watched you _die_. Stay away from me! Leave me alone, Jace…please…" she screamed. "Please!"

* * *

She startled awake, gasping for breath. Her eyes focused on her alarm clock and she shot upright. It was 10 a.m. She was two hours late for work. She never overslept!

She threw the covers off, and peeled her tank top away from her sweat coated skin. She'd be calling into work that day. There was no chance of focusing when her attention was already shot to shit before she'd even woken up. She needed a day of peace, a sort of Elena day. Things had been interesting the last few weeks. She'd only seen Damon in her dreams.

Nightmares had become routine for Elena. She'd been having them for the last eleven years.

They were always the same. He was always haunting her. He wouldn't stay dead. Why _this_ ghost? Why not the other? Two people had died that day…but the wrong one visited her nightly. What she'd give to see the other, just one more time…

Nightmares she could handle. She always escaped, she always found control. But this time it hadn't started out as a nightmare. She'd let her guard down. She thought she was in a _happy_ dream for once… Damon was there. He was holding her; kissing her… it was all too much. In the dream she'd wanted to be with him. She'd been eager to stay. Her fears were nonexistent when she was in his arms.

But it should've been the first indication that it really _was _a dream. Damon Salvatore had said exactly one word to her over the last month.

But hadn't that been what she wanted all along? Hadn't she begged him to stop trying to spend time with her? Hadn't she told him to forget her?

Hadn't she meant it?

She didn't know what she wanted anymore when it came to him. She wanted something…

The beginning of her dream was a fantasy. It gave her Damon one more time. Alone, she could tell herself it was okay to care about him a little bit. The fact that he'd listened and actually left her alone shocked her. Yes, she'd told him 'no' over and over again, but when had that ever done any good? Her brain had told her it was best if she just stayed away from them…but she didn't think he'd buy it. She expected to have to shoo him away at least five more times.

But she was wrong. He was gone, Chase was gone, and she was just alone again.

Her eyes focused on her phone as she scrolled to her text message screen. No messages, again. She slammed it down on the bed and fell backwards, exhaling. He frustrated her. It had taken all of her willpower and courage to actually call him two weeks ago. She'd left a message on his voicemail and yet he didn't have the decency to text more than one word back. How could he go from annoying her to ignoring her in the snap of a finger? She'd really done a number on him that night at the club. Perhaps she'd taken things a little too far with the 'addictions ruin lives' bit.

He'd done something to her that night, too. He'd helped her. She hadn't known it then. She'd only seen kissing and whispering. Her brain had only let her see what it wanted and her heart made her feel everything she'd been terrified to admit…jealousy, desire, need…

But she had no idea what he'd been whispering in Chloe's ear that night. She'd hardly given him the chance to talk before she'd run out the door again, as she always did when they got too close. But now she knew what he'd done. She wanted to thank him for it, so she called. The least he could've done was helped her out a little and called her back. It would've lightened the blow a little.

Her little fragile heart could barely make sense of what it wanted and he wasn't making it any easier; not now that she realized she might want to be more than a blip on the Damon Salvatore timeline…

She'd assumed Chloe was one foot out Meredith's door after her little encounter with Damon backstage at the club. She was thoroughly shocked when she saw Chloe walking past her desk two weeks after the club incident.

* * *

"Morning, Elena," she smiled. "How've you been?" She set her coffee mug down and pulled out a chair across from Elena's desk.

"Okay…" she frowned, confused. Chloe should be halfway up Finn's ass by now, she figured. She saw the way Damon had kissed her. A woman did not walk away from Damon unscathed; if anyone knew that, it was her. What on earth was she doing at her desk?

She pulled a pen out from her purse and smiled brightly. "So where do I sign? Meredith sent me to you to fill out the paperwork…" Elena's eyes widened and she stared at an envelope Chloe had brought to her desk.

"I'm sorry, I…" she wasn't supposed to know Damon's plans to woo Chloe to Finn. For all Chloe knew, Elena and Damon were just friends. Damon was just a guy in a club who knew a great producer. It seemed things hadn't been as scandalous as she'd thought they'd been that night.

"I'm signing with Meredith," she said clearly. "You look shocked," Chloe's laughter scraped at Elena's ears. "Hasn't that been the plan all along?"

"Well, you hadn't made a decision; I didn't want to assume…" she said slowly. "I thought you were keeping your options open for a while…"

"Well you can thank Damon Salvatore for that. He told me just how great of a producer Meredith really is. I'm young but I'm not naïve, Elena. I can tell she has a knack for sound from hearing some of her work. I didn't need a hunk of a man to tell me to sign….but it didn't hurt to have a little more input before I decided. Damon's a nice guy. He told me you know each other…"

"Sort of," she swallowed. "So Damon didn't say anything else?" Her mind flashed to his words _ 'I have a friend in the business….'_ It all made sense. He wasn't talking about Finn. He was talking about her. He hadn't scammed them at all. He'd set out to help her and he had, even before he knew she was there. She swallowed, overcome with emotion. She felt stupid, almost.

Two weeks had passed without him and she figured he had just succumb to Finn's requests and found himself other women to occupy his time. But this new piece of information was a game changer.

* * *

But he was done playing her games, it seemed. All was quiet on the Damon front. There was no annoying 'I told you so' text…weren't any random visits to her doorstep at midnight. In that moment she wanted nothing more than to roll her eyes at the man who always had the upper hand. But she couldn't.

After work that day she'd pulled out her phone and found the nerve to call him. She locked herself in her bedroom and pressed his charming picture, waiting for his familiar voice to answer. But three rings, and five phone calls later, she was met only with his voicemail. She'd finally taken a chance and he didn't seem to care.

"Hi, it's me…Elena. Listen, I know I said to leave me alone, so you're probably confused as to why I'm calling you, but when I heard what you did at the club that night, I _had_ to. I just wanted to say thank you," she frowned. "Thanks for _not_ screwing me over that night. I guess I'm shocked, to be honest. I really thought the whole time you were just…" she stopped, biting her lip. She was rambling now, and she knew it. "Anyway, thanks. I hope things are going well with Chase. I know you said he was starting school soon, so I wondered how that was going," she sat silently again for a few seconds. She didn't really want to say goodbye, and that confused her. "Okay, well yeah…so, I guess that's it. Have a nice night…" She was completely mortified when she pressed the end key. What the hell was that? She was babbling like a schoolgirl with a crush. If her mother could see her now…

She'd obsessively checked her phone since she'd made the call. Finally, two days after she'd called she saw his picture pop up on her phone next to one single word, "Sure."

Sure? That was all he could say? The man had just begged her to go home with him two weeks ago. He'd just looked at her like she was the second coming and suddenly he couldn't find the time to say…_type_ more than four letters? Heaven forbid he actually _call! _ She mentally slapped herself. He was completely absent and yet he'd managed to keep the upper hand. Apparently dropping their 'nothing' had been easier for Damon than it had been for her; a few weeks ago she would've thought the opposite.

The tiny voice inside her head asked her for the thousandth time that month, was she angry he hadn't called because she missed him, or because it had become another challenge that she seemed to be losing? She didn't think she was capable of caring about a man enough to miss him. Not anymore.

He was busy, she told herself. Finn was ruthless. He was probably angry that he'd lost the chance with Chloe and he'd probably lashed out on Damon. He was working him to the bone, she was sure. He would've called her by now if he'd had the chance. She found herself making excuses to feel better. Damon wouldn't just _stop_ like that… Addictions didn't just _stop_…

She'd dragged Andie to the club five times during her Damon-less month, but her intentions weren't pure. She'd looked at the schedule of artists performing and tried to pick one's Damon might be set up to 'convince.' If they bumped into each other, so be it. But every time she'd come up empty. He wasn't there. There were tons of men on the dance floor but she didn't want any of them. Suddenly going to bed with strange men lost its appeal.

* * *

But the club was a month ago. The phone call was two weeks ago. How much more time did she need to get over him?

She had to clear her head. Amid the fear and haunting memories in her mind was Damon. He was in there, smiling, laughing. He was in there kissing her…and now he was in there ignoring her and she hated it. So she did what she always did. She ran.

She slipped into a pair of shorts and a clean tank top. She pushed in her ear buds and she pounded her frustrations out on the pavement again. She wasn't sure what hurt more; hurting because of Jace, or hurting because of Damon. They were different kinds of pain. One she wanted to forget and the other she couldn't get enough of…

She gritted her teeth and grasped at the chain link fence in front of her, about a mile into her run. She'd hit her wall. It took a lot to break her down, to stop her from running. She hadn't spent eleven years building walls for nothing. Damon Salvatore was going to answer his phone. He was going to pick up and hear what she had to say. She wiped the sweat from her forehead, took a sip of water from her bottle and angrily pressed his name.

"It's me. I just wanted to say that I think it's really shitty that you didn't call me back…I…." she shook her head. "You know I have problems with emotions. It took a lot for me to call you and say thank you. I felt like I was admitting I was wrong or something. The least you could've done was call me back. It's been a month so I guess I should stop waiting around for your call. You frustrate the _shit _out of me sometimes, Damon..."

But her words were cut off when she saw him. Chase. She ended her nonsensical, angry call to Damon and looked at the time. 10:30 a.m….shouldn't he be in school? There was no way in hell Damon had let him stay with him a month without enrolling him in school. He'd made it seem like a priority before. And if he _was_ letting Chase stay home, well, she had a thing or two to say about that, too. He may be dense but she hoped he wasn't _that_ stupid….

She squinted in the sun, watching him with a group of boys. It really wasn't any of her business to butt into, she knew, but she couldn't help but worry. Damon had been so panicky about raising him. Maybe he really was clueless about what his seemingly sweet, naïve nephew was doing while he was at work.

"Okay Salvatore, now it's your turn. Go over there and put this in the mailbox…" a tall boy handed him a small, round little ball with a tail on the end.

"I don't know...this seems kind of mean…" Chase frowned.

"Mean? It's a prank! I guess you're not tough enough for the west coast, hm? Small town kids…" the tall boy rolled his eyes. "Never fails. They wuss out every time. Come on Jere, I don't have time for this," he shook his head and started to walk away.

Elena's inner being jumped in relief. Good boy, resisting peer pressure….

"I'm not a wuss," Chase said angrily and Elena gripped the fence tighter. "You have no idea who I am," he marched up to the mailbox and threw the cherry bomb in quickly before slamming the door shut.

Elena's mouth dropped in horror. It had only been a month…surely Chase hadn't already gotten himself a group of scoundrel friends. He'd seemed so sweet and lost…he had the potential to be so easily convinced, she realized.

Oh, _Damon_… her heart slowed a little at the thought. She knew a thing or two about bad boys; she used to like her men that way. Damon Salvatore _wasn't_ on that list, surprisingly enough.

"Oh shit, I didn't think he'd actually do it. I was just trying to make him feel bad!" the tall boy yelled. "Come on, before we get in trouble!" he yanked his brown haired friend by the arm and they ran off into an alley before the tiny prank went off.

And Elena marched around that chain link fence and pulled him by elbow before she even knew what had gotten into her. His eyes were wide and his cheeks were red, but he said nothing. He simply followed. She hauled him around the corner before they heard the _BOOM._

Chase swallowed and pulled his hat down over his green eyes. Elena pulled it off his head quickly and tipped his chin upward, staring right at him. She was furious and disappointed. She barely knew the boy but she didn't _feel_ like they were strangers. She felt like she needed to help him. "Chase, what do you think you're doing? Aren't you supposed to be in school?"

"Um…yeah…" he said quietly, kicking rocks below his feet.

"And yet here you are, putting cherry bombs in old people's mailboxes…" she sighed. "Why?"

"It's harmless," he shrugged. "Some of the guys have been calling me a wuss. I'm new there…I don't want to have a reputation already. I can't be a wuss, Elena…" he shook his head. "I was just trying to show them I'm not one," he said honestly.

"Oh, those two are the wusses!" She pointed in the direction they had run. "They took off the minute you went through with it. I wouldn't take their opinions too seriously…" she was in full-blown protective mode. She was picking up the pieces Damon most likely hadn't realized he'd dropped. "Skipping school is not a good idea. Have you done it before?"

"Just one other time here," he shrugged.

"And Damon knows?"

"Of course he doesn't," he frowned. "We talk and stuff but we're not exactly on the same page, if you know what I mean. He's been weird, anyway…"

Oh, she was bouncing around in her head again. "When you say _weird_…" she was depending on a fourteen year old truant to give her the secrets of his uncle. She was certain she'd gone off the deep end. "He's been busy or what?"

"No. Not really. He's been working but he's come home and just kind of hung out lately. He had a woman over once, but he made her leave when I went to bed…" Elena frowned. A woman? "We went to my Grandparents house for dinner and Grandpa just dug into him about me. That wasn't so good,"

Elena sighed. Chase made it sound like Damon was nothing but a Debbie downer the entire month he'd been away from her. Now she knew he had the time to call. He'd just chosen _not_ to….

Was she angry or sad? She decided on a combination of the two and called it a day; Her brain could no longer process feelings for a man as unreadable as Damon. She accepted that her feelings didn't have to make sense when it came to him.

Her 'Elena Day' had suddenly turned into a Chase and Damon day. There was no way she was letting this go without Damon finding out. Besides, she needed to talk to him anyway. He'd have to listen if it was about Chase.

"Here," she handed him her phone with Damon's name on the screen.

"Nice phone. What am I supposed to do with it?" he asked. His eyes lingered a little too long on her... on the bare skin of her chest that her sweat coated tank top revealed. She zipped her sweatshirt knowingly. She arched an eyebrow and he shrugged, smiling wickedly.

Where had this child come from? He was so innocent in the airport and now he was flat out ogling her in broad daylight. He may not look like his uncle, but he'd certainly gotten snippets of his personality; that much was clear. She rolled her eyes once more.

"Call him. Tell him what you've done," her eyebrows were permanently arched. It would be painful to stay that way much longer but it appeared to have an effect.

"You call him. I don't want to tell him," he shook his head, handing the phone back to her.

"Well then you shouldn't be out here doing stuff like this if you can't own up to it," she warned. "Look Chase…I realize I'm nothing to you and nothing to your uncle, but I can't watch you do this. Damon wants what's best for you…"

"I'm no idiot, Elena. I know you've been calling him," he smiled. Elena narrowed her eyes, hiding a smile. "Every time his phone lights up and he grumbles I know it's you." Now the eyebrows would fall. Her mouth would take its turn at a permanent "O."

"So he just ignores me!" She threw her arms into the air. "Oh that man, sometimes…"

"I told him he's an idiot but he says I don't understand," he shrugged. "I'm just saying…if he sees your name on his phone right now, he might not pick up. He's _kinda_ angry with you,"

Oh, the anger game. She huffed in defeat. "Just call him, Chase. Keep calling until he answers. I don't have a car here and unless you feel like running a mile with me, we're stuck. How'd you get so far away from school anyway?"

"Jeremy has a car," he swallowed. "They parked around the corner. They had a quick getaway. I guess I didn't think they'd bail,"

"So those boys are older than you? " He nodded. She knew a thing or two about older boys, too. "You need to be careful." He played tough, sometimes, but he secretly liked that Elena was scolding him. He hadn't gotten much attention from his own mother in years….not unless she was asking him what year it was or where her bag of crack went… he cringed…

"So here's the deal," she pointed to the phone. "You're going to call your uncle and tell him what you've done. Then you're going to go up to that house and apologize for wrecking their mailbox. Then you're going to get in Damon's car and get your butt to school,"

She was good at this. She'd been emotionless about men for years, but Chase was different. He was a child. He was a young man.

She felt the need to help Damon. Oh, he angered her to no end. She had a whole bunch of new frustrations about him after her little conversation with Chase. But she couldn't let the kid go off and get into trouble. She had to help him, too. Her old self was showing through and it felt good.

Chase's face scrunched up in surprise. "I can't do that! I'll get in trouble with those people. What if they call the cops? Damon won't yell at me. He's so afraid of hurting my feelings and…Elena, I can't. Let's just pretend we didn't see each other today! I'll call a cab and go to school. I'll say I was sick and that I feel better now…"

"No chance," she smiled strongly. "I think you should do what I said and call your uncle and apologize to those people," she shrugged. "I can't make you but you're fourteen years old, Chase. If you think you're big enough to skip school and make these kinds of decisions then you better be ready to explain yourself. That's what a man would do," her words trailed off. She felt strange, sad. Maybe Chase had never really understood what being a man meant. Damon had said Stefan wasn't exactly the model father figure…

"Fine," he swallowed. She handed him back his Dodgers baseball cap and he fit it snuggly on his head. He pressed the call key and waited. No answer of course. She rolled her eyes, but her heart pounded in sadness. Damon thought he was ignoring _her_ again. He had no idea….

"Leave a message," she said seriously.

"No, he gave me his work phone number," he pulled a piece of paper out of his jean pocket and dialed. At least the kid was honest when he wanted to be, she thought. And his work number would be stored in her call history…

Chase frowned as Damon picked up on the very first ring. "Hi Damon, it's me. Chase. I um…I need you to pick me up," he sighed. Elena had no idea, but Chase hadn't ever been forced to admit his mistakes. He'd done what he pleased and hoped for attention. He'd never had to fix anything he'd broken. He was Damon in _that_ way, too. "I'm out at that park we came to the other day…"

"What?" Elena could hear Damon's voice over the phone. "Why aren't you in school?"

"I skipped," he said honestly. "I'm sorry…"

"Jesus, Chase…" she heard Damon say sadly. "What the hell are you doing? I thought we talked about how important school was….ugh…I can't get into this with you over the phone right now. I'll be there in fifteen minutes," he went to hang up. "Wait, how'd you get a phone?"

"It's Elena's," he said simply. He smiled and wiggled eyebrows in her direction. A shiver of sheer panic ran down her spine. This was not the way she'd intended this to go. Now the _kid_ had the upper hand…

"I…Elena?" He was rendered speechless.

"Yep, see you soon. Sorry I screwed up," he hurriedly clicked off the phone and handed it back to her.

"You wiggle your eyebrows _just_ like him, you know that?" She laughed.

"Good," he smiled sadly. "It's nice to know I'm at least a little like Damon. I'm always told I'm like my Dad and well, these days that's not such a good thing," Elena was empathetic in that moment. Chase was like Damon in that way, too. He was joking one minute and the next he was dead serious. These Salvatore men were really getting to her, she knew.

But she could say nothing to his words. She didn't know enough about his history or why his dad was even in jail. Damon had kept it vague because she'd asked him to. Now she wished she'd let Damon talk that night. Maybe she'd get it more. Maybe she'd understand Chase enough to see why he acted the way he did. Instead she was left with an incessant need to protect the boy. The reasons didn't matter…

She wasn't clueless. She knew exactly what it meant…but for the first time in a long time, she wouldn't let it stop her from doing what she felt. If she only helped Chase and Damon one time, it was something. If Damon never wanted to talk to her again he didn't have to. But the minute she saw danger near either one of them that was it. All bets were off. She could _care_ if she wanted to.

She was quickly realizing it was impossible _not_ to care about these Salvatore men.

A month of nothing had shown her just how weak she was when it came to Damon. She was worse off than she'd known. Now she was blushing, telling herself to run back home before he got there to pick up Chase. But she wouldn't. Chase was about to march up to that house and admit his mistakes. She couldn't let him do it by himself….

She squeezed her eyes shut and walked up with him. He rang the doorbell and watched the whole scene play out. He was red-faced and squeaky, but he managed the words and even an apology. He promised to replace their mailbox and that he'd never do it again. Elena came out of it with a smile and somehow, Chase did, too.

But her smile faded when she saw Damon's familiar car pull up to them. She was all sweaty and unflattering from running a mile before she'd found him. He unrolled the window and dipped his head down to see her. "This is not how I planned on spending my Friday afternoon," he gave Chase a stern look. "Get in," he said seriously to the blond boy.

Chase gave Elena a small, grateful nod. "Hey…um…thanks for helping me…" he said slowly and Damon's head slammed against the back of his seat at his nephew's words. Now _he_ was under the Elena Gilbert spell, too. Damon swallowed and blinked at Elena a few times. They stared in silence, waiting for the other one to say something. But only a silent 'hi' was exchanged before she shook her head and started jogging away from his car. She heaved a sigh. She was running again….

There she was again with that horrible, achy feeling in the pit of her stomach. She hadn't seen those blue eyes for a month and they looked at her with complete confusion. She'd thought he'd beg her, thought he'd plead for her to try again. Would she have said 'yes' this go around? Or would she have said 'no' to him and kicked herself for denying it later? She didn't know what she felt for him but she knew she felt something. It was strong enough to piss her off and strong enough to make her dream about the bastard…. She shook her head. Running had done nothing to clear her head, once again. She was a pent up fool and she knew it.

Her ear buds were in place and she jogged wildly down the street to a song with loud bass. She heard nothing from the outside world, and maybe she could block out the voice inside her own head screaming 'That is one delicious man,'

Delicious? Yes. Intimidating? Lately it felt that way. Deliciously intimidating was a combination she wasn't sure she could handle. But she thought she might at least have tried, if he'd looked at her with _those_ eyes again…the eyes he'd used on her on the dance floor when his hands had roamed up and down her sides. When he'd whispered hot words into her ears, reminding her of just what she was giving up by saying 'no' to him…

She wasn't good enough for him, she figured. She was trying to protect him. He saw it as disinterest, she figured, but she knew it was really just fear. It was the fear of a woman who'd been to hell and back in her 30 years. She'd barely risen from the ashes when he'd walked into her life.

But that deliciously intimidating man proved her wrong again. He drove up next to her slowly and motioned for her to take out her headphones. She shook her head and jogged a little more. But who was she kidding? She had the upper hand with him in that moment. She'd be a fool to push him away again. She stopped running and put her hands on her hips as he came to a stop next to her.

She rolled her eyes and panted as he took his time unrolling the window again. And as his cocky eyes appeared before her from behind his dark sunglasses, she felt her heart melt a little. Those oceans were surrounding her again, pulling her in. They were trying to smile at her again.

"Come on," he leaned over to open the car door for her. "Get in." She pursed her lips and opened the door wider to slide in. Out of the corner of her eye she saw him scanning her shoulders. She smiled knowingly. The man who was so hungry for her for a month wasn't gone. He was under some kind of unexpected emotional pile of baggage and he didn't know how to deal. She got it. She didn't know how to deal, either. That was either going to work in their favor or destroy them before anything had a chance to start.

But as he clicked on his seatbelt she smiled. And when he shifted the car from park into drive, she relaxed into the seat and closed her eyes as they drove Chase to school. It was just the three of them; each person with issues they once thought were impossible to overcome. Damon had daddy and brother baggage. Chase and daddy baggage, and Elena…well she had all kinds of baggage…probably too much for either Salvatore male to offer to carry….

But something told her they'd try.

They sat in silence, but it calmed her. She wasn't sure what she was in for once they dropped him off. Chase said Damon was angry or upset with her…maybe he'd just take her home to her place and that would be it.

She secretly hoped that wasn't it. She wasn't sure _what_ she hoped for but she needed to at least to talk about the Chloe thing with him. And it wouldn't hurt for him to hear what Chase had to say about skipping school and their current living situation. She felt nosy. He hadn't seen the nosy side of her before. He didn't know what she'd do to get what she wanted once she set her mind on something. Her near meltdown over him not returning his call should've been a clue. She was sure she had sounded as rattled on the phone as she felt in her head. But Damon was as dense about the female heart as he was about his school skipping nephew, it seemed.

* * *

"This is never happening again, Chase," Damon said out the window as Chase slammed his door shut in front of the school. "You hear me?"

"Yeah, okay" he nodded to Damon. "Thanks, Elena," he sent her a small smile again and Damon shook his head. The two minutes Chase and Damon had been in the car alone had give him a little insight about Elena. She'd made his nephew apologize. She was bold.

Damon squeezed eyes shut and rubbed them before he slid his sunglasses back down. He sighed as he put the car in drive again, and pulled out of the lot. Elena tucked loose strands of her hair behind her ears nervously. Her feet were bouncing and she was biting her lip. She hoped he didn't see, but all hope was lost when he finally spoke.

"Wound up, are you?" his smile went lopsided and she sighed, unable to repress her own smile.

"You have no idea," she admitted and sent him a half pout that he caught as they reached a stop light. "Is this the part where you drive me home and ignore my calls again?" she asked slowly, killing their tiny moment.

"I don't know. You tell me," his hands gripped the steering wheel and he tried to stay focused but her hand had crept over, somehow, and managed to find his knee. She was the devil, she knew. But her games weren't so wicked just then. She wanted to touch him but not just to tease. She missed the contact…and that still terrified her….but she just couldn't do without.

He cleared his throat and looked down at her hand for a minute.

"Is that what you want? If you want to go home and ignore me, then I'll go home and ignore you, Lena. It's that simple," he said with a twinge of hurt in his voice. "If you're going to push me away then _stay_ away, because right now you're fucking with my head…I'm done with these games. I can't play with you anymore," he said honestly and her heart flat lined for a moment. "You said to stop so I did," she swallowed. He was right. She was a hypocrite.

"I've spent a month away from you. Do you know why?" he continued.

She shook her head when she knew he could see. She wasn't sure she wanted to know, but she knew she _needed_ to know. She needed to understand why.

"I've never been pushed away in my _life_, Elena. And I don't like it. Women don't say 'no' to me. People in general rarely say 'no' to me, and when they do, I usually don't give a damn. But I _cared_ that you said 'no.'" He said seriously, staring out the windshield. "So you better figure out what it is you're doing here," his hand went to lift hers off his knee but he felt her fingers wrapping around his slowly and his words stopped. He swallowed before he continued,

"I'm not used to caring about feelings…not mine, not _anyone's_. I just wanted to be your friend and you wouldn't give me that. I've never wanted to keep a woman in my life for more than sex and you reminded me why I like it that way…Because you're confusing as hell and I'd probably be bad at it anyway,"

"Damon…" She squeezed his hand and his breath paused. Her hands were warm and soft, and she was making him _feel_ again. He heard something different in her voice. "I know I'm confusing. I confuse myself! I tried to call you….you didn't answer. Then I come to find out you're doing it on purpose! I felt like shit, Damon."

"Well that makes two of us then, doesn't it?" he shook his head. This wasn't going the way she'd planned. She'd expected a silent send off or crazy, random sex in his living room but not this. Not emotions again. Wasn't this what had torn them apart to begin with?

"You're not used to caring and I'm not used to _feeling_..." she snuck in.

"And it shouldn't bother you if I mean nothing," he continued seriously. "Or has that changed?"

They sat in silence, their hands entwined…neither of them knowing what to say. Her head was pressed against the cool glass of her window as she held his hand, unwilling to let go. She was a jumbled mess and she couldn't get enough of it.

Finally he spoke. "You helped out Chase today. You could've just left him there to get in trouble. You could've ratted him out to me or done a million other things like call the police or the school, but you didn't. You made him call me, Elena…" he swallowed. "And he told me you made him apologize," He continued,

"See… that's something I'd never have thought of making him do. You held him accountable for his actions. You say you're no good with emotions, but if that's true then what the hell was that?" He frowned. "You've had a small connection with him since that moment at the airport. I don't understand it, and maybe I envy your tact with him…but I have to tell you…if you're going to play games with me then he's going to end up getting hurt. You don't seem to want anything to happen to him, so I thought I'd let you know now that we Salvatore's are a package deal, okay? We have to be…"

She nodded. "And I'm just letting you know that I don't know what I want," she admitted. "But I didn't like that you didn't call me and I didn't like the way you looked at me in the car earlier. I felt useless and I haven't felt that way in years. I don't let people make me feel that way because I know it's not true. So I'd appreciate if you'd be patient with me, I know I haven't exactly given you much to go off. I've pushed you away more than I've wanted to…"

"You said to forget you; I thought I did…." The pad of his thumb had started rubbing circles into the side of her hand now, and he hadn't even realized it. They were magnets. Things happened without thought. It was natural for them. It didn't mean anything. It didn't mean they were okay or that they were suddenly together. Neither one of them could possibly _think_ about jumping into something like that after a month of nothing. Each had their own battles to win before they could even start waging any wars together.

"You said you were addicted to me and I went and mouthed off to you. I said possibly _the_ worst thing I could've and that's what got us here today, isn't it?" she wanted to know. She wanted to feel. She wanted to hear him say the words, for him to just confirm what Chase had told her. She needed an answer to why Damon could just turn the idea of her off so quickly after being so persistent. "I hurt your feelings,"

"I don't like being reminded of my family's failures," he swallowed. "My relationship with my brother is dismal. I don't like to be reminded of the disappointment he's continued to be to me throughout my life. I'm thirty years old and it still hurts, okay? And hearing that from you, the only woman I've ever...cared about," he said, "It hurt me. Yes, you hurt me. It's rare that someone can hurt me. You should know that,"

"I'm sorry," she said. Her head pounded against his seat again. She just wanted to be near him. She just wanted to feel him, talk to him. Her pulse was racing with need for their bodies to connect again, but this time that tiny voice in her head that was screaming 'try, Elena' was louder. She didn't need to _try_ having sex with him. They were plenty good at that.

She'd had a month to miss that about him…but she'd found herself missing more than just the sex. She missed his annoying eyebrow waggle and the way his lips turned lopsided when she rolled her eyes. She missed his hands on hers and the stupid way he chased her. She missed feeling _needed_, she realized.

The minute he'd stopped running after her she'd started sprinting toward him. It was what magnets did, she knew. She could accept it when she thought of it like that.

"I don't know what I'm doing," she swallowed.

"Neither do I," he sighed as they pulled in front of his apartment. "But why don't you come in and have something to eat? It seems to me _you're_ skipping work today, Miss Gilbert. And you were scolding my nephew about truancy," he smiled wickedly at her. She was floored again.

"You aren't exactly running back to work right now, either. Guess we're all in trouble today," she shrugged.

"Yeah well I had a good excuse," he smiled tightly. "My boss knows I'm a bad parent," he tried to joke but Elena heard the sadness in is voice.

"He respects you, Damon," she said slowly. "I can tell he does. He said something to me while we were waiting for you. He said he was happy that he reminded me of _you_," he opened the door for her to walk into his apartment first. "You have to remember that when he goes off and does things like he did today," she smiled as she saw his apartment was clean. There were no piles of dirty laundry or plates in the sink.

"I don't get you, Lena," he tucked a strand of hair behind her ear and shook his head. "But I hope you let me in enough one day to try," he leaned in and pressed a kiss on her sweaty forehead, and she felt that familiar tingle flowing south. She swallowed back her lust. It was just a kiss on the forehead! He barely even touched her!

"If you want to take a shower you can," he said. "You know where it is. I'd be happy to throw your clothes in the wash and you can use a robe while you wait…or I might even still have a few of your things here from one of our little nights," he bit smirked as he thought of all the things they'd done in his apartment, and his fingers slid along the bottom hem of her shirt instinctively. She swallowed, undone. But she quickly recovered.

"Always so eager to get me naked," she teased, lightening the moment. He laughed, feeling the pressure weaken, too. Her snark was back and he could hold onto that. Everything else between them was so loose, so unsteady. He would grasp at it, he would try. She'd been the only woman to ever hurt him, but he remembered how much it hurt to ignore her, too. Perhaps _that_ had hurt more…

"A month's time hasn't changed that, baby," he winked. Chase had really laid into him in the car before he'd picked up Elena.

"_What are you, stupid Damon? She clearly wanted you to invite her in the car…"_ he'd said. Damon sighed as he fixed her a sandwich. Never in his wildest dreams had he told a woman to shower alone so he could make her lunch. This was ridiculous.

* * *

Elena walked into the bathroom and let herself go under the hot spray of his shower head. She smiled incessantly as she soaked in the water's embrace.

She hadn't lied. She didn't know what she wanted when it came to him. He'd said he wanted to be friends and that might be fine in the beginning, but how could she calm her crazy need for him? His hands were all over her in a moment's notice and that wasn't how friends behaved.

A month's time hadn't killed her lust, either. If he would've walked into the bathroom pushed her up against the wall again as he had so many times she probably would've let him. She'd stopped trying to stop overthinking with him and just let herself be. There was no telling what they'd be to each other, if they'd let themselves just feel without reservations.

They were in for it. He wasn't pushing her to do anything she didn't want to and she wasn't pulling away from him. They were magnets, and magnets never stayed apart for very long.

They had as long as they wanted to straighten out the rest. Once she was showered and pulled her head out of the clouds there was plenty of yelling she had to do about him purposely ignoring her calls. She'd apologized for what she'd said but that didn't mean she wasn't going to let him know how she felt. If he wanted feelings from Elena Gilbert he'd get them…good _and_ bad.

She might be damaged and afraid to fall in love again, but she wasn't a woman who _loved_ half-assed. She'd never wanted to give herself to someone completely again…she didn't think she could.

If she ever _did_ fall in love again, if she ever let herself go again, it would have to be completely. And if Damon Salvatore stood a chance to be the man to tear down her walls, he'd need to give himself completely, too.

But the simple fact that it had popped into her head for the first time in eleven years made all the difference. For the first time in a _long _time, she could see herself caring for someone, feel herself needing someone. But instead of those thoughts_ hurting_ as they always had before, they felt good. Damon Salvatore, as cocky and as _arrogant_ as he was, had done the impossible, it seemed. He'd made her want to _try_.

* * *

**A/N: Thanks for your time and feedback. I absolutely needed a Chase/Elena moment in this one. Chase is a challenging boy. He surprises DE with what he does sometimes. We've only begun to see the many side of Chase and I can't wait to delve more into his past and reveal more of his personality. **

**And then there's that pull between DE. It's ever-present and wonderful. They are slowly accepting that they can't be apart. They just don't know what that exactly will mean. **

**Can't wait to hear your thoughts! Please let me know what you think! **


	6. Young Blood

**A/N: ****Again, a big thanks for the amazing responses for the last chapter. We've got a look into Damon's past with a flashback in this one, along with some interesting DE moments.**

**This chapter uses "Young Blood" by The Naked and Famous.**

* * *

**All At Once**

**Chapter 5: Young Blood**

"You're lucky I like you, kid," Damon put his hand on top of Chase's head and pushed the bill of his hat down over his green eyes. "I wouldn't be caught _dead_ here without you," Chase laughed and pulled his hat up so he could see. His eyes lit up at the bright lights of Dodgers Stadium. "Hell has frozen over, Chase. Pigs have flown. Honestly, you couldn't pay me enough to…"

"He gets it," Elena arched an eyebrow and smirked. Damon smiled at the color in her cheeks. "You're an Angels fan. We _know_," she rolled her eyes as he shimmied out of his leather jacket to reveal an Angels jersey. Chase slapped himself in the forehead and Damon shrugged.

"Yeah, we _know_," Chase agreed as he took off his hat and flattened his newly mussed hair. "But for the life of me, I can't figure out why..." he put his hands up and backed away laughing as Damon pretended to throw a few punches in his direction. It had been a week since he'd skipped school and the dust was still settling. He needed some fun, Damon knew. He teased him about not wanting to cheer on another team, but the truth was he'd do anything to see the kid smile for a change. The last month and a half hadn't been any easier on him than it had been on Damon. Things were still so uncertain. Neither one of them wanted to discuss Stefan.

"Go on," Damon gestured toward the fence why don't you go down there and see if you can catch any foul balls from batting practice?," he suggested. He wanted alone time with her, Chase knew.

"Yeah, I guess that'd be cool," Chase's voice broke a little and he cleared his throat before he walked down the bleachers to stand behind one of the dugouts. Damon sighed and plopped down. He let himself get lost in the memories and dreams that had almost been his, until Elena readjusted in her seat. He shook out the memories and focused on the woman next to him.

She was an enigma, but she hadn't always been. He hadn't seen those tiny smiles a month ago. Back then he'd known nothing about her and he thought it had been enough. Clearly he was wrong. Her small smirks thrilled him; he'd made it a personal goal to get her to smile that way at least twice every day he saw her.

He liked the way things were. She'd laid into him pretty hard about not calling her back for two weeks. The words 'fire' and 'brimstone' came to mind at the image of her sitting at his kitchen table. But instead of laughing it off and saying something rude back as he normally would, he'd simply stated his point.

* * *

She was freshly showered and her hair was up in a loose bun as she plopped down in front of the sandwich he'd made her that afternoon. He'd expected something like this to happen, yelling, arguing. A woman like Elena had opinions; she was mouthy when she wanted to be. He liked that. But he'd catch her off guard for once with a sweet plea for understanding.

"You play so many games but there's just no winning with you," he said seriously. "I stay away and you're mad. I invite you places and you're mad. I call you...you're mad. I _don't_ call you and you're even _more _upset. I don't think you see how difficult you are to read sometimes...sometimes it feels like you change your mind every few minutes. You say you don't want to come between Chase and me, but then you help him and look at me like _that_," he gestures toward her expression, "And I think we're back on track again, whatever track it is. Tell me, should I prepare myself? Are you going to run away from me again?" His insecurities managed to sneak through, as they always did with her. "Am I hoping for nothing?"

_"_No, I won't" she swallowed, otherwise muted by his honest question. She wouldn't run but she might still hide, just a little bit longer. "I don't _want_ to, Damon. I never really wanted to..."

But her words were enough to keep him hanging on. It was all she could give him just then, but it was so much more than she'd imagined giving to someone even a month ago. He was surprisingly easy to care about...but Jace had been, too at first. _  
_

How could she be sure she'd chosen someone good this time?

She wanted to believe Damon was different. It frustrated her that fear still lived in the back of her mind, even eleven years later. Damon shouldn't have to prove himself more to her than he would to any normal woman without crazy dead ex-boyfriend baggage. He didn't deserve to be compared to someone else, to have to jump through more hoops because of one man's bad decisions.

Damon wasn't Jace, she reminded herself. She was quickly falling under his spell, but it wouldn't be bad...he wouldn't hurt her like that. Things with Jace had gone from a normal breakup to something so much worse. No one in the world could hurt her the way Jace had; It was impossible now.

But it would be awhile before her head and her heart could agree on that. When it came to Elena, there was a fine line between caution and complete hysteria. She'd given too much too soon in life and spent the next decade not giving enough.

He'd taken a chance and called her four days later to invite her to the Dodgers game. He wasn't the only one who wanted her there; Chase's eyes lit up at the news.

* * *

And now as he relaxed in his seat and took in his surroundings, his found his eyes wandering from the field to her. She was all situated with her drink and her nachos. He smiled at the simplicity of it all. They almost felt normal for once. He'd never really known what 'normal' felt like with a woman, but he was certain this was damn near close.

"You know, Elena, you're just about the only person in the universe that can make that jersey look good," his eyes scanned over her hair. It hung in loose waves over the front of her shoulders to cover the white lettering of 'Dodgers.' "Are you even a fan or are you just trying to look cute right now?"

"I've never been to a game, so I'll go with choice number two," her lips turned upward into a smile.

"And I'm going to say it's working," he winked. "And now I"m going to close my mouth before I get in trouble for that,"

She sighed and ignored his comment.

"But really, I thought it might be nice for Chase if I looked the part today. You're already giving him such a hard time about his team," she bit her lip and squinted in the sun before she pulled down her sunglasses.

"I'm only teasing him," he assured her. "He knows that. It's the one fun thing we have in common…our love for baseball," he bit his tongue before he could say Elena was the other common interest he and Chase shared. "We love to disagree about it. It's a safe subject. It's easy. A lot of other things we have in common aren't so easy," he watched his nephew's head tip up to the sky to watch a ball fly over his head.

"I know, Damon," she looked sideways at him through the edges of her big black sunglasses. "As long as you know what you're doing with him," she sipped her frozen strawberry daiquiri out of a thick mug. "I'm just saying you might not want to avoid the hard stuff forever. Might give him the wrong impression," Damon's eyebrows dipped at her words. He wasn't sure what she meant, but he was curious. He hung on anything she gave him; her emotions didn't show themselves too often; they were big and beautiful, but sometimes exhausting. "He might think you just don't care. I know I've said it before, but considering what happened with the school thing..."

Sometimes this woman who felt so far away knew exactly what to say. She's said it at the airport before she'd even met Chase. She knew so little about his family, his relationship with his own father. It was more sensitive of a subject than she knew, but he welcomed her concerns. It was nice to hear feeling in her voice, even if her choice of topics sometimes scared him. He was so grateful to hear her opinion, somehow. She was sending up red flags about the things he feared the most about his relationship with Chase. Soon she'd be filling in the blanks...

He'd do anything to avoid being like his father.

"We've talked about the school thing. That night when you left, we talked. He told me he just did it so those guys would like him. I get it...he wants to be liked. From what I know, he was teased at his old school and he didn't get much attention at home. Negative attention is better than no attention. And about what you said about him thinking I don't care...I hope he doesn't think that. I know I went from being cool around him to reprimanding him about skipping school in the blink of an eye…but I had to. I trusted him too much because it was easier and because I wanted to believe I could. I don't want him to be a bad kid…" he shook his head. "I don't want him to be like Stefan," he admitted. "And I don't want to be like my Dad and _let_ him be like Stefan…" he sipped on his water and stared out into the field, finding his peace. Did he feel calmer because he was sitting next to her?

Elena sat silently for a moment, watching the players practice swinging. A month ago she might have changed the subject with Damon, but now the worry in Damon's voice kept her on point. Their vague agreement to try for 'more' just last week floated through her head now. Things hadn't really changed much; they were still careful around each other. They still tiptoed around emotions and still avoided large amounts of physical contact most of the time; they both knew it would only lead to one thing. There hadn't been kissing or hugging, but she'd touched his cheek when she said goodbye in the car last week. That was something. He could live with that. They were friends. It was all he'd asked for, he knew.

"You know, Stefan and I used to go to Angels games when we were kids. Mom would take the bus down with us and we'd run down to the fence for balls...just like he is. Stefan was my hero when I was a little boy. When I was 8 and he was 12, I didn't think I'd ever find a better person than my brother," he blew out a puff of air. "Either he changed or I wised up because there's nothing admirable about him anymore. He hit 14 and started hanging out with the wrong kids. Maybe that's why I'm so paranoid about Chase. I don't want him to walk in his father's footsteps...but I can't say I want him to walk in mine, either," he paused before continuing,

"I didn't care enough. I want more for him but I just don't know how to make that happen..." he bent his knees and pressed the bottoms of his feet into the back of the seat in front of him. "I don't know how long I'll have him, but the thought of him going back home so confused scares me. I'm not used to this, Lena," he swallowed. "Any of this," he said and the words sat for a moment. She read between the lines. He was talking about them, too.

She'd made it onto his radar and she wanted to stay there. It was nice. "You're better at it than you think," she assured him as he rubbed his palms over his eyes.

"Will you tell me, someday?" she continued. His eyes went from the field to her again, "Tell me about your brother…what happened to him. Why he's in jail," She asked softly, unable to believe the words coming out of her mouth. She knew small details but nothing too serious. Maybe it wasn't her business, she knew, but somehow she wanted it to be. She was asking for more information.

His blue eyes lightened when his smile reached up and touched them. She continued, "We don't need to talk about it anymore today. This is the most serious conversation we've had and we're shoveling nachos in our face in plastic seats," she smiled.. I don't want to ruin this. This is so fun," she beamed, lightening the moment. "Hey look," she tilted her head down to Chase as they saw him catch a ball. They both flew out of their seats and cheered until he waved his hands at them, embarrassed that they were making a scene.

"Oh no," he laughed, "We're _those_ people. We're mortifying him," his jaw dropped. "And I gotta admit. It's kind of awesome," he sipped his water, proud of a job well done before they settled back into their seats and started up again. And once the smiles had left their lips from the previous moment's laughter, Elena was left with warm emotions and a fuzzy stomach again.

Perhaps it was comfort; it had been so long she wasn't sure _what_ emotion to thank for the good feelings that had snuck up on her over the last few days. Her dancing stomach was quickly becoming a favorite feeling. It felt much better than the normal empty feeling that lived in her.

"But to answer your question, Lena… Yes, I should talk about it..." he almost felt relieved, as if he'd just go of something he'd been holding onto for far too long. He smiled when he saw patience swimming in her big brown eyes. There was something about her that made him believe again. He'd keep that little revelation to himself.

She'd gone from running in the opposite direction at the mention of emotions to actually prompting him for them. He wasn't about to ignore that progress.

"The truth is, I haven't really talked to anyone about my brother. Mom and I skirted around it a little. She and I have differing opinions…I won't get into my Dad's nonchalance about it," he blew out a mouthful of hot air. "Dad chooses to care about things when he can have the upper hand. Everything else just kind of melts away. He only sees the bad…" he was venting, he realized…to a woman, of all people. She made him do all kinds of things without even trying. So he kept talking. "I don't want to be like that with him," he stared at Chase. "I yelled at him for skipping school but not because I felt some sick sense of power from it. I was just worried. Maybe it came out wrong."

"I've never really wanted to talk about Stefan before. I tend to avoid it. I avoid a lot of things because I don't want them to matter," he subconsciously touched his right bicep. She watched him through her dark shades, thankful that he couldn't see the sadness registering in his eyes. She could relate in ways he didn't yet understand. She both longed to forget _and_ remember her issues. Small, but bright rays of sunshine poked through her dark past. She grasped at those rays desperately, most days.

"But it doesn't mean those things _don't_ matter…" he admitted, continuing. "It doesn't mean they don't exist. It's hard to admit that. I've spent so much time believing I didn't need to care. But I think I could talk to _you_ about it…" he swallowed. "If you're okay with it..."

"I am. I know I push away from you a lot, but I don't want to. I've been hurt before...badly. My ex and I...it ended badly and..." her voice weakened at her admisson and he frowned. He figured there had to be some sort of problem in the past but she was confirming it now. Something was haunting her.

"I'm sorry," he said softly. He thought of all the women he'd used throughout the years. Maybe he'd hurt them, too, but he prayed it was nothing like what Elena was facing now. Her ghosts were screeching so loud he could almost hear them. He wouldn't ask for more information just then, but he silently hoped one day she'd come out with it.

She was close to tears now, thinking of the things she wished she could say to him. If she could find the courage to purge her biggest, darkest demons then maybe she, too, could feel free. One day, but not today. She swallowed back her tears as Damon shifted his body to face Chase again. Batting practice had ended and he'd be heading up toward them again in a few minutes. The thickness, the feelings between them would dissipate all too quickly when Chase came back, she feared.

When Damon turned back to her he smiled at the glob of frozen daiquiri on the corner of her lip. He pressed his thumb to it and slid it between her lips and into her mouth, slowly and deliberately. Her cheeks flushed at the contact. Maybe she was still floating in the clouds from their emotional talk earlier, but his touch felt extra hot.

"Thanks," she whispered. They were friends_. Friends_, she told herself. But she'd never had a friend like Damon. They were on fire; the flames of his knowing touches were threatening to devour her. Maybe they'd devour her fear, too. Maybe the flames could lick away her pain…

He was the only one who stood a chance to try. They always flipped the switch it seemed. One minute they were in an emotional mess and the next they were raw and sensual again. The slightest touch tipped her over the edge. Her broken little heart was pounding and she was teetering on the edge...

And then he spoke and she lost it again. His pink, lopsided lips were so close to his that she could almost feel his secret smile. His lips said many things to her without uttering a word. She gulped. Damon Salvatore was dangerous...far too dangerous.

"I have half a mind to lean in and taste that daiquiri on you, Lena," he leaned in closer, burying his nose between the brown waves of hair in front of her ear. How did it happen? How did they go from _that_ to _this_ so easily?

She shivered at his words, flushing. Every time he used that nickname she died a little. His thumb stayed on her lower lip, his other fingers tucked themselves gently below her chin. Her eyes played with his, as they had so many times. She were dark with want, as they always had been when he did impossible things like these; but they weren't quite as empty and lost as they had looked before. They seemed warmer and willing, he thought. Or maybe he'd just imagined it…

"You and strawberries are still my favorite dessert..." she thought she heard him say through the frenzied feeling in her spinning head. She nodded breathlessly until she pulled her head down and away when Chase marched back up the bleachers. If she gave into Damon, she'd be confusing all _three_ of them, she knew. One day she'd snap, she knew. It was too damn dangerous for him to be talking to her like that in a public place.

Damon shifted uncomfortably back in his seat and took a sip of his water to cool him down. Elena straightened her back against the chair and let her eyes scan over the crowd...looking anywhere but at Damon was good enough for her. He probably had a cocky smile that she wanted to smack off his lips…or kiss off…

Lord. It just wasn't fair sometimes!

"So the game starts in ten minutes. Think you'll be able to stomach cheering for my team, Damon?" Chase asked Damon, laughing. Finally the silence was broken and they could breathe again. Chase was too excited about his catch to notice Damon and Elena's sudden shift of mood. They were strange anyway, he knew.

"Eh…I think I'll make it," he leaned his head back and watched Elena again. He could forget all about who was playing if he just watched her. Her new enthusiasm about their situation excited him.

Her cheeks were still pink and her feet were bouncing on the ground again. She did that when she was tense he knew. He had an effect on her; he liked that. It was just a matter of time before they crossed that line again, he knew. She was too responsive to him to ignore him forever. The other day she'd suggested they take it easy in the physical department. It was actually sweet of her to suggest it, he'd thought. She wanted to stick around for something more than sex; but it didn't mean it was easy, either. It made it dangerous and forbidden. It made him want her more.

If she'd been anyone else he would've just ignored her requests and gone for it anyway. But she was Elena and he was afraid of pushing her too far. She'd been as needy as him during their month long 'agreement'; there was no way it had just gone away so easily. Something had shifted in her since then. Something had lightened, if only a little. There was still so much he didn't know about Elena Gilbert…things she showed him in her eyes but never said out loud.

But she was there. She was messily drinking a frozen daiquiri out of a big plastic mug at noon on a Saturday. She was dressed up in a jersey, cheering on a team she'd never cared about before for because his nephew loved them. And she was listening to him. The brightness in her eyes when she'd smiled at him earlier had made those raw, purely sexual encounters a month and a half ago seem so dim. She'd changed.

Or maybe he'd changed.

* * *

The game went quickly. The Dodgers were winning and Chase was in a stellar mood. Everything was fine. They were all calm again, laughing and joking…eating hot dogs and nachos. The seriousness and the desire that had sat on them before had lightened. For a few hours they just forgot their worries and enjoyed the game. Then in the eighth inning, it happened. Of _course_ it happened.

A cheesy love song was playing and cameras were floating through the crowd, choosing victims to display on their big scoreboard screen. Elena had been busy digging for her cell phone in her purse when Chase nudged Damon to show the camera had landed on him and Elena. Damon looked right into the camera and shook his head, laughing. This was not a good idea. His head was surrounded in float hearts. Him! What had this come down to? He watched Elena on the screen, completely oblivious, but the camera wouldn't move. They had to kiss to get it to move, he knew. He'd seen them sit on people for two minutes before; it got the crowd all amped up. They loved that kind of thing. The pressure was on.

"You have to," Chase nudged him again. "Come on, you have to. It's for the people!" He shouted. "You're Damon Salvatore. This is what you do, isn't it?"

Maybe before...

And then it happened. Damon stopped overthinking what it would mean and quickly tapped her on the shoulder incessantly. "Hey, Elena…Elena…Elena…."

"Just a minute," she swatted his hand away, "I can't find my…"

"ELENA!" He said seriously, holding back a smile. He tapped her shoulder again, "Elena!" He was Chase was lost in laughter.

"God Damon, _what?_ You're like a five-year- old sometimes,_"_ she said annoyed and turned to face him. "You have no patience, I…" Her lips were caught in his in a slow, sexy kiss. His hands were in her hair, cupping her ears. He was pulling her in, reminding her of what he'd done to her so many times before. And she thought the daiquiri incident was bad! It didn't take much, lately, to send her brain in _that_ direction. Who'd created the 'no sex, no hot kissing' rule again? Oh yeah, _she_ had, last week as part of their little conversation...

She should've known she'd never be able to go from 'just sex' to 'no sex.' Her intentions were good but that's where it ended. '_Public place! Public Place!'_ her head screamed at her, but she smothered it.

He was kissing her, _really_ kissing her and it was delicious. His hot breath was in her mouth again, where it belonged. It was too much and not enough all at once, and there was no sign of stopping. She could amend her own rules, she knew. Rules were meant to be broken.

She was devouring him in minutes. It always happened that way. It had been the reasons she'd become addicted to him in the first place. Self-restraint was but an afterthought now.

He was all lips and tongue and mint. When had he started chewing gum? The world was fuzzy and her stomach was boiling and bursting. The last threads of her restraint were shredding down to nothing quickly now. And when he pulled away and his eyes floated down to her swollen, red lips, he smiled and she felt a kick to the stomach. It was something...

She gulped for a second. He'd disarmed her again. It was almost too easy. They were in their own personal movie moment, she thought, but she didn't know the half of it. And she closed her eyes when she felt his hot breath tickle her face. "Sorry," he swallowed, "I broke a rule," it was a whisper. "Had to…" She nodded, confused but consumed and still breathless. "Kiss camera," he said, pointing to the screen across from them. She froze, snapping out of her daze.

Her eyes shot open and she pulled back, frowning. "What?" Her heart weakened a little. It was for show?

"The kiss cam," Chase shouted over the crowd who roared as a new pitcher took the mound. "You missed the whole thing, but don't worry, I took a picture," he chuckled, showing her. "Look, there's you in person," he scrolled his finger along the screen, "And there you are on the big screen. Priceless!"

"I thought you didn't have a phone!" Elena said exasperated.

"Damon got me one a few days ago," he smiled. "Just in time, too. Wouldn't want to miss this,"

"Give me that," Damon swiped for it. "Damn, Elena, we look good like this," he showed her, smirking. She swatted at him. Oh yes, cocky Damon was still very much alive.

She should've been more frustrated than she was, she knew. And she would've been, weeks ago when he'd just been a release and nothing more. But now she was tripping all over herself about what he was becoming. There weren't logical answers for the way she behaved around him. She'd let her guard down in a public place. It was kissing, no big deal…

The last time they'd kissed they'd been in a public place, too… the dance floor. But that was dark and hot and _could've _led somewhere familiar for them. But not this! This was broad daylight! It was a ballpark packed with families. She'd kissed him like _that_ fully knowing it wasn't going anywhere else. There was lust but there was something else there, too. Their serious conversation before had started those feelings and she'd given him just a hint of care with her kiss. Did he feel it, too? She'd lost her mind, she realized, because she hoped he did.

Oh her thoughts weren't PG by any means, but it was still an accomplishment. Then he'd almost ruined it by telling her that hot, sweet kiss was just for a Kissing Camera? The entire ballpark had just seen her practically eating Damon Salvatore's face.

Maybe she should cut back on the daiquiris.

And Chase! He'd seen the whole thing! Apparently it hadn't damaged him. He was fourteen and probably wished it was him up there. He'd been cheering them on, for God's sakes. The Salvatore men were in cahoots when it came to her, she thought. _She_ was their common denominator.

"Are you angry, Lena?" Damon pouted, a smile tugged at his lips. His jaw was stiff from their little encounter. He supposed she had a reason to be upset. He'd known full well they were on display. He was a guy and she was gorgeous. It was a bonus; it was something he'd _always_ have done…but she was Elena and that complicated things. He'd done it without thinking of her, as if she _weren't_ Elena…as if she'd been any other girl he'd been with. Those weren't the types of things that would make her see she could trust him. "Are you upset I did that?" As silly as it was, he knew little mistakes like such as those could create distance between them that could take days or weeks to repair. His smile faded as he waited for her reply.

"I'm not sure," she admitted. "Give me a few innings and I'll let you know," she arched an eyebrow. Who was she kidding? She loved it! That didn't mean he could just go around doing whatever he wanted with her, though.

"There's only one inning left," he reminded her. "Are you really going to torture me with this? Just tell me if you're angry…" as the words flew desperately out of his lips he realized he cared….

"Fine, I'm not angry, okay?" She snapped. She was riding the waves of emotions and there were highs and lows. He'd wanted an answer, but not like that. "We'll talk later," That sounded ominous, she knew. Good. If he had to be so good and peeling her apart, she'd at least let him fret a little bit. "I need to use the bathroom," she excused herself.

* * *

"Personally, I think she's pissed," Chase said.

"This is your fault, kid," he raised his eyebrows.

"Sorry, man. I thought I was helping,"

"Helping? What are you helping, exactly?"

"You and Elena," he said obviously, without adding the 'duh.' "You two are ridiculous. God, I hope I'm not as stupid as you are when I'm older," he teased, "If I had a woman like Elena I'd be..."

"Stop talking," he held his hand up. "I'm happy you can appreciate beauty when you see it, but your constant ogling of Elena is a little much. She's way too old for you and..."

"Jealous?" he laughed, "She _is_ wearing a Dodgers jersey for me. Elena's definitely a Chase Salvatore fan!"

"Are you kidding me right now? She's here for me, okay? I can't even believe we're having this conversation, you can't seriously think..." Was he really bickering with a fourteen year old?

Chase was laughing now and Damon turned his head to see Elena standing behind him. Had she heard the whole thing?

"I'm here for both of you," she laughed and threw a bag of carmel corn at Chase and plopped down next to Damon. "No fighting boys," she crossed her legs and Damon sunk deeper in his seat. Longest. Game. Ever.

She'd recovered quickly from her inner meltdown in the bathroom. A little water to the face did wonders to slap the sense into a woman. He was sex and then he was _this_. Their crazy physical connection was starting to make sense; it was even hotter now that he was all she saw...

Her sunglasses were on her head and the pink had settled from her cheeks. She hadn't left them. For a moment she'd contemplated calling a cab, but she hadn't. She was too good at running away. She needed to learn to stay when things got hard. She was the one making things hard. Damon made her want to stay.

"I'm still in trouble, aren't I?" he asked, smiling now that she was seated.

She squeezed her eyes shut. "No…" she said sweetly. "You aren't." She really wasn't angry, she'd decided. She was shocked, but more so with herself than him. Damon _did_ things like that. He was impulsive. He'd said it himself. He didn't care about what people thought. A kiss camera in front of millions of viewers on TV wouldn't bother him, she knew. She couldn't be angry with him for that. She saw something in him, despite those strange qualities that should be unappealing to her.

But when it had all begun…when they really _were_ just sex and nothing more, it had been those qualities that actually_ made_ him appealing. His 'fuck it' attitude had been her medicine, she thought.

But somewhere along the lines the medicine started changing, as a few other things had. His carefree attitude had fixed her, she thought; but the fix was temporary, as was any drug. He was a step ahead of her. He could admit his addiction to her. But she'd buried it; never admitted the way she came undone with the smallest of touches. But now he'd done her in. He'd gone and kissed her again and her head was everywhere but where it used to be.

Now his attitude was the problem and his gentleness was the medicine. He was Jerykll and Hyde sometimes, but wasn't she, too?

Perhaps she was more afraid of herself than she was of him. _She_ was the issue, anyway. Her barriers, her walls were in the way, not his. She could easily strip away his attitude. All she had to do was let him in, it seemed. For as angry and hurt and distant as he'd been for that month of nothing, he seemed willing now. She was her own worst enemy now that her real enemy was dead…

When the Dodgers won and the crowds rushed out of the stadium, the three of them escaped their little awkward bubble and found their car. The three of them were strange together, Elena realized, but fun and fresh.

At times it felt like Chase Damon's little brother more than his nephew. There was still that gap between guardian and friend for them, she knew. It would close eventually, she knew. But now everything was so uncertain. Everything was still a challenge.

He was persistent, but he was lost. But he had fun that day. He'd caught a ball, impressed a girl…even if they'd embarrassed him in the process. There'd been unspoken bonding.

* * *

"Do you want to stay for dinner?" Damon leaned against his counter top, staring at the raw ground beef. He was about to try his hand at Hamburger Helper for the first time. Pizza had gotten old fast in a month. McDonalds at 2 a.m. didn't cut it for a fourteen year old.

"I don't know…maybe not," she said quietly. "I've been with you guys all day and I think maybe you should spend some time alone with him," she spoke softly when she saw Chase go into his room. "You know, about what I said before..."

He washed his hands and opened the fridge to hand her a bottle of water. "I thought maybe we could do what we said earlier, first," he replied. "Talk, I mean. I thought maybe if I told you how I feel about Stefan before I told him…it might be easier. I might say something wrong to him if I just talking. I'm not careful because I don't do things like this..."

"You've been cautious with me, patient for the most part," she watched him turn on the stovetop. "I appreciate that…."

"I'm trying," he smiled. "But I still go off and do dick things like I did today," he shrugged. "Sorry,"

"Eh, don't apologize….just…you can't kiss me like that again, okay?" she frowned.

"You didn't push me away. You've never pushed me away when I've kiss you. We have that down, clearly," he smiled, but this his face softened, "It's the other stuff, the talking that tears you away from me,"

"I know," she bit her lip.

"Why?" It was a simple question, packed with so many afterthoughts. He hoped she heard the things he didn't say.

"I'm not ready to feel like that again. It scares me that I might,"

"It scares me, too. Sometimes you're so close and other times you're so far away. I know you said your ex hurt you. Is he still hurting you? Is he still a problem, because I could talk to him. I would..." he was protective without realizing it, sometimes.

"He's dead, Damon," she said stiff lipped. His eyes widened and he stopped talking immediately. He couldn't tell if that was a good or bad thing, but he could venture to guess that it made things a little less complicated. He was wrong...very wrong. Jace's death had complicated everything. He hadn't died alone.

"Elena..."

"Please don't say anything," she held up her hand, pleading. "You make me want to talk about it but I'm just not there yet. I should be. I could be...I just need a little more time. I don't know how long...I've gone years bottling it up. It won't just happen like this,"

"That's okay," he shrugged. "I'm just saying, I know I'm a jerk sometimes and I do things without thinking, but I can be serious, too. I hope you know that,"

"I do," she heaved a sigh, "And I'm glad we're friends now. What we had before was..." she blushed.

"Amazing," he completed her sentence. "Go on, say it."

'Yes, awesome. But I'm glad we've put a hold on that. I don't want to play those games anymore...not with the way I feel. This is too fragile and.." Her throat turned raspy quickly.

They were interrupted suddenly and the moment stopped. They were so back and forth. Serious then not. On and off. They were just so _Damon and Elena. _

"Hey Elena! Can I talk to you in here really quickly?" She heard Chase yell from his room and she was almost grateful for the interruption. Perhaps it had gotten a little too serious too quickly.

She walked into his room, leaning on the doorframe. Her eyes scanned the walls of trophies Damon hadn't bothered to move when Chase moved in. There were pictures of Damon in his high school uniform, articles from the newspaper… she swallowed. She didn't even know he played…

Maybe she would stay for dinner...

"Hey I just wanted to tell you that for your sake, I've decided to delete the kiss cam picture," he smiled. "It'll be our little secret…ours and all of Los Angeles, if it _was_ on TV," he smiled. "Don't be mad at Damon. I kind of made him do it, okay?" he was apologetic.

"Sure, okay," but her eyes were focused on the walls that gave her a look into Damon's past. He was smiling in the pictures. He looked happy and free. What happened? He never talked about playing...just about the Angels and how much he loved them.

When she walked back into the kitchen she smiled as he was leaned over the stovetop, stirring the meat. "You're staying, Elena. I've decided for you," he smiled. "So what's it going to be? Cheeseburger Macaroni or Lasagna? I can't guarantee either will taste the way they should..." he showed her the two boxes to let her choose.

"You never told me you played baseball," she walked up to him smiling, ignoring his comment. She felt a little closer to him with that piece of information. He set the wooden spoon down on the ceramic spoon rest and turned the burner down before he turned to her. "You were good, weren't you?"

"There's a reason I like the Angels so much, Elena," he cleared his throat. "I was supposed to be one." He smiled sadly. "I was this close" he pinched his fingers together, "And then it was gone," he snapped. "I was months away from that."

"Oh my God, Damon…" she stared at him wide-eyed. She was uncertain if he was proud or sad about it. "That's amazing!" she swallowed. She frowned, something must have happened to him…

"I'm glad you think so. No one else ever has," he smiled at her gratefully. "Except maybe Mom,"

"Does Chase know? He's got all that in his room but does he know that you were that close to it?"

"No...he doesn't know that or the reasons why I didn't get it," he swallowed. It was something he didn't want to have to explain to his nephew.

"I'd like to hear about it sometime, if you'd like to tell me," she said softly, opening the cheeseburger macaroni box and pouring the noodles into the boiling pot next to him. He didn't say 'yes' or give any indication that he _wanted_ to talk about it, but something told her he'd tell her everything when the time was right.

They were giving themselves up slowly, gradually. Their pace was steady and wonderful.

She was caring again, she realized. It was amazing. He was giving her tiny pieces of himself and she was collecting them slowly, putting them together to understand the sexy, blue eyed man next to her. One day it would be her turn to share. Her pieces were scarier and harder to understand, she knew. He might be better off, happier, not knowing…

"So you're staying?"

"I thought you already decided that for me," she smirked, as he stirred the meat. "But just until after dinner. Then I'm going home so you two can talk. Talk about _something_. If you want to wait for the big stuff fine…but you need to start reaching out to him. He's a kid. He's not going to initiate that kind of thing,"

Damon knew she was right. He'd never really started serious conversations with his own father. He nodded. "You're so good with him…" he trailed off. "I guess I just don't understand…"

Her eyes weakened when his blue rings twitched with honesty. They stared for a moment… thinking, reaching for the things between them that seemed so close but so far away sometimes. Their simple look held power and understanding. He wanted to need her…and she wanted to be needed. They all needed each other more than they even realized.

"Oh good," Chase walked in, announcing his presence loudly. "It was so quiet in here. I thought I was going to walk in on something. I know how much you two like making out." he raised and lowered his eyebrows wickedly. Elena flushed. This kid was all over the place. One minute he was apologizing and the next he was reminding her!

"Oh yeah, he needs a good talking to," Damon smirked, "Starting with _tact._" his eyes glared at his nephew teasingly.

He was so different with just her than when they were with Damon. It was almost like he was a scared little boy with her. Maybe he trusted her. With Damon he was cocky and smart mouthed. It was almost as if he thought he had to be tough, emotionless, a man...

Did anyone know who they were anymore?

Damon watched Chase shovel down a piece of bread and butter. He watched Elena silently stir the noodles…he'd never felt so domestic in his life…

Beer and pizza didn't seem so awesome anymore.

His dreams as a kid were basic. He'd spent years wanting to play major league baseball. It had been his entire world. He'd never wanted a family. He'd never wanted to care. And maybe he didn't want those things now, either…but he liked _this_, he knew. He liked being able to go to a game with his _friend_…and his nephew and not dote on the reasons he _wasn't_ in the majors.

* * *

"That's it, kid, I'm sorry," the doctor said seriously. "Torn rotator cuff. You need surgery if you want to play again…"

"Okay, I'll do whatever…I'll sign the papers…" he swallowed, panicked. "Give me a pen and I'll sign them right now."

"No, Damon…" his Dad said next to him.

"I'm 18 years old, Dad. I can do what I want. I have to do this, Dad…" he pled. "The draft is in two months, Dad. There's still time…"

"No one's going to draft you if you've just had surgery two months prior, son," Giuseppe shook his head. "You have to be realistic about this,"

"I'll be half way healed by then, probably. I'll be on the upswing!" He yelled. "I can't _not _try…I've worked hard for this!"

"Healing doesn't just happen by itself. A lot goes into it and there are no guarantees you'll be back to 100%,"Damon looked at the doctor at Giuseppe's words. The doctor nodded and Damon closed his eyes. "I'm not spending money on a silly dream. You will go to college like everyone else and get a normal job."

"But Dad it's the _Angels_…the Angels, Dad…come on. You know this is more than a dream. You know this is real! They've talked to you, too!" He pled. "Why won't you even listen to me? All you do is shake your head and say no. Just beause you've never approved of what I do? What about your other son? You ignore me until I do something like this and then you shift your attention to me….and it's negative attention. You didn't come to a single game to see me pitch, yet you have all kinds of opinions on it now? Cut me a break, Dad. Let me do this, please. Let me try. I'm so close…" The decision would be his if he had enough money of his own. Giuseppe was indifferent about Damon until it came down to something big, then he flexed his power. "I'll find a way to pay you back…"

"No Damon, that's it. I don't want to hear it anymore," he swallowed. "Stop asking. Thank you, Doctor," he shook his hand as if he'd just done him a favor. "Start reviewing those college apps, son. You've blown all your time depending on a game and in the blink of an eye it's gone. It's time to grow up."

"Yeah well it's no fluke that it's gone and you know _that_, too," Damon called out once the doctor had left the room. "That devil woman you call a daughter-in-law started this mess. If she hadn't been doing drugs, yet _again,_ Stefan and I wouldn't have gotten in that fight," he gritted his teeth. "But Stefan's bullheaded and Stefan does what Caroline wants…whatever she wants." he bit out the words. He continued, the rage forcing itself into his words.

"So when Caroline pouts and says she's 'sorry' for bringing drugs into the house, that she'll never do it again, and Stefan believes her, I have a problem with it. So sue me, Dad….There is a _child_ in that house!" He shook his head. "So I try to talk sense into him, like I always do and he goes off and shoves me so hard that I go through a window you see nothing wrong with it? Oh a few cuts I can handle, but _this_?" He points to his shoulder. "My shoulder hit first…then the rest of my arm. I landed on my arm, Dad. My throwing arm. This is _not_ my fault. If you want your grandson to be raised in a household where mommy's on drugs and Daddy's throwing family members around like garbage so be it. How can you let him stay there with that violence? And you covered for him! It was an accident? Is that what you want your grandson to grow up doing...making excuses? I'm really close to being done here. What if Stefan really isn't better? What if he does that to Chase one day. Your excuses won't work if something happens to him." He yelled. He was blowing his top, absolutely purging. "You and Mom will never give up on Stefan. _This_ was my dream. This was all I really cared about...but you so easily gave up on _me_,"

"Because I'm not spending my money on a chance. Why can't my son's take anything seriously?" It was as if Damon's soul-bearing hadn't even happened.

"Maybe because the only attention we get from our father is negative attention," he swallowed. "But I hardly think you can compare us. Stefan's already been arrested for drug possession once, Dad. Yeah, it was before Chase was born, and yeah, he got out of it with a little rehab…but come on. He does whatever he wants and you somehow overlook it because you think attention will make it worse. You're afraid the smallest thing will push him over the edge. One day you won't be able to save him anymore." he looked at his arm. "I know I don't ask for a lot and I pretty much fly under the radar, but it doesn't mean I don't want attention, too…" it was the most honest moment he'd shared with his father but Giuseppe simply stared at him. He continued,

"I do good things and you downgrade them. It doesn't make sense. And don't say a thing about money. We're rich. That money's nothing. Mom would let me…" Damon continued, "Mom knows how big of a deal this is to me. If I begged her..."

"We're wealthy because I've worked hard. It's time you learned what it means to work for money instead of playing games and praying you'll get picked first. And don't you dare make your mother choose between my decision and what you want,"

"Dad…"

"I said no," he cleared his throat. "Fill out your applications. You're late on it. You better pray it's not _too_ late…" he walked out of the doctor's office leaving Damon alone with his thoughts. He jumped off the exam table and flipped the stool on its side. It was moments like these that reminded him why it was easier not to depend on people. If he was being honest, he hadn't really expected Gisuseppe to agree to the surgery. It just would've been nice to get a little sympathy or understanding from his father for a change. Instead Giuseppe had scoffed at him and belittled his dreams. It was hard to share dreams with someone who didn't care.

His mother shared his dreams, he thought. But perhaps his father had been right when he said it wouldn't be fair to make his mother pick sides. It happened rarely, but he'd been weak in front of her before. He was eighteen and supposed to be a man. He wasn't supposed to let little things bother him; he was supposed to man up and move on, he knew. But every now and then it would've been nice to talk to someone who just cared about him. He told himself that time and time again, yet he'd never allow himself to trust anyone enough. And so he manned up. He dropped the surgery; he didn't finish his last season. The only thing he really cared about was gone, so it was easy to just not care. He didn't think he'd ever care about anything that much again….

* * *

Elena and Chase made things interesting. They were unexpected but refreshing. They made him want to accept the things that had been given to him and the things that had been taken away. He smiled as they cooked in silence. Life had little ways of proving itself. She hit him like a ton of bricks; she'd come out of nowhere. Now he didn't want to remember not knowing her. She was a mess, a big, sad mystery he might never solve. But she was there with him, caring. That was bigger, better than anything he'd ever had before. And there was Chase...the boy he hadn't been able to save so many years ago. He was given a chance; a real chance to change his life. Whether their time together was short or long, he'd show him the way to live.

He'd lived day to day for too long. Things came and went. Suddenly there were things to look forward to, people to share things with. He wasn't alone.

Maybe the world _hadn't _ended when he'd turned 18.

* * *

**A/N: Another one in the books. Next chapter we'll get a better look at chase and another little peek at Elena's past. Thank you so much for reading and all of your great reviews. This is so fun!**


	7. Paradise

**A/N: This chapter will bring you an actual flashback from Elena's past. We'll meet Jace as Elena does. There's more of the D-E-C dynamic, as well as some very telling moments and confessions for DE.**

**This chapter uses Coldplay's Paradise. The lyrics fit Elena so well. **

**Thanks for reading and for the amazing reviews, as always!**

* * *

**All At Once**

**Chapter 6: Paradise**

"Mr. Salvatore, this is Principal Lockwood. We had a little situation with your nephew today at school and we'll need you to come pick him up," he swallowed, eyeing the boy with the bloody nose sitting across from his desk. His own son had a matching shiner.

"Situation?" he asked. He looked at his watch. It was 1:15. He had another three hours of work before he was done. Damon knew Finn's patience would soon wear thin if he kept leaving in the middle of his shift. He was starting to be a needy employee, but Chase had to come first.

"He was in a fight. He's…he needs to go home, Mr. Salvatore," the man's eyes scanned over the bruises forming under Chase's eyes. "And stay home for a day. He can come back Monday morning,"

Things with Chase had been going well, he thought. Since the baseball game they'd done a few things by themselves. They'd gone out to a sports restaurant to have some chicken wings while they watched a game. They'd even talked about his friends at school. Still no mention of Stefan, but he was getting there. How was he supposed to talk to a kid about his father who was in jail for murder?

They'd spent some time with Elena, too. They'd gone shopping for new clothes for Chase and out to lunch at a small fifties diner. Things were settling, he thought. There were times he thought they'd made it over the bump without ever talking about Stefan. But life wasn't that simple, he knew.

The last thing he expected was to receive a call telling him his nephew had been in a fight at school. He seemed cocky sometimes, but he didn't seem the type of kid to haul off and punch someone. There had to be more to it.

Chase reminded him of both Stefan and himself. At times he was almost a hypocrite to tell Chase to actually care about things when he'd spent so much time doing the complete opposite. People often said parents tried to live their dreams through their kids. Maybe nephews and uncles worked the same way. Lately things had made him wish he could redo some of his own life.

"Yeah okay, I'll be there as soon as I can," he pressed his lips together tightly. He was running out of ideas when it came to Chase. He could understand the boy's need to fit in, but fighting was definitely not the way to win the _right_ kind of friends.

Damon's fingers were dialing her number instinctively. He no longer had to wait for her voicemail to kick on. She answered him right away every time now, even when she was at work. Simple things like that felt amazing; it was the first time he felt like he actually _had_ someone. His mother had been supportive of him, but she was his _mom_. She'd been supporting him since before he was born. Elena was different; she actually wanted to spend time with him. Out of all the guys she could've had, she'd chosen him.

Elena was a friend in name only. Every time they were together he found excuses to touch her, to be alone with her for a few minutes. He wanted more than friendship and she did too, he was sure of it. Her pink cheeks and big eyes didn't lie. Sometimes he caught her eyeing him, but never called her out on it. She was stubborn as hell and when she said 'no,' he had to believe there was a reason for it. She mentioned dead ex-boyfriend drama but she hadn't put a timeline on it. He wondered just how long her heart had been broken…one, two years?

Two rings and she picked up the phone. "Hi," she said simply, a smile in her voice. Every phone call made her excited, now.

"I have a problem," he said as soon as she'd answered. "Chase got in a fight at school."

Elena sighed, closing her photo album and sliding it across the table. A month ago she would've never imagined worrying about someone much as she did Damon and Chase. There were times when they were so in sync and times when they were at completely different parts of the song. Cockiness she could handle, and teasing was to be expected; he was Damon's nephew after all. He was sure to have rubbed off on him a little bit…

But fighting was a completely different thing. The boy she'd seen at the airport had been shy with her. He'd been awkward and lost. The boy she'd seen at the park had been out to prove something, but his reasons were sad. He'd been vulnerable and she'd understood that. But, fighting was different. Fighting involved _two_ people, _two _fists. Someone had pushed him too much and he was pushing back. The thought saddened her. She wished for a moment that she played a bigger role in his life. It angered her to think his own parents didn't seem to care. She wanted to take him under her wing. A familiar aching was inching closer now; she was still so close to the edge, she was still just moments away from breaking down. But she swatted those troubles away for a moment. This was Chase and she needed to help him….

"Oh no…." she swallowed. This wasn't happening. "Is he okay?" The concern was clear in her voice. Disappointment was stripped away; she just felt worried.

That was a big deal for a woman like Elena. She never thought she'd seek out that type of relationship, especially not with a child. She'd been a child herself when she'd gone down a bad road. But she knew a thing or three about bad boys. She knew what she _didn't_ want Chase to become….

Chase had gone from being the nephew of a fuck buddy to something else so quickly. And though it had only been a month and a half that she'd known him, she'd found herself wanting to save him from so many things. She knew but fragments of the boy's life, but the emptiness in his eyes told her everything she needed to know; he wasn't a bad kid, he was fighting with himself every day to overcome what life had so unkindly shoved in his direction. She could relate.

"No. He's been suspended for a day," Elena couldn't get much from his tone; she wasn't sure if he was angry or sad, or both. "I need to pick him up but my car is in the shop for maintenance. They were supposed to drop it off so I'd have it after work but I obviously can't wait that long. I can't exactly ask my dealership to drive me to school to get my punk nephew…" He knew she was off work on Thursdays. He didn't want to cross any lines by asking her to ditch out on her responsibilities, too. Chase was _his_ situation, but Elena just fit into the equation so nicely. She was just so good with him.

"Well I was just about to go to the grocery store. I'm going to my parents later in the week and I was going to make something to bring, but..." she was waiting for him to ask. She used to pray he wouldn't do things like this, but now she crossed her fingers and hoped he would.

Damon begging her was just about the hottest thing she had going these days. He looked the same every time he did it. He got that wild, hungry look in his eyes and said her name in all the right ways. Her name seemed to dance off his tongue as if it was his favorite word to say.

The thought sent a shiver down her spine. She was on a two day Damon withdrawal and she needed her fix; as addicts always did. But he was so good at making her wait. He did things on purpose, just to wind her up.

"Ooo, that sounds fun…can we come?"

"Damon," she said seriously. She knew exactly what he was doing. He was avoiding. She wouldn't answer his question just then. She'd keep in the back of her mind…_if_ he was even serious. "What's going on here? You're dancing around the subject…" _Just beg me already_, her head screamed at him.

"Fine," he swallowed. "Will you pick me up and take me? You can drop us off afterward, or we could go to the store with you if you don't have that kind of time. I need your help,"

"Hmmm," she smiled. "I don't know…I have all that shopping to do and you guys would probably get bored…." She was enjoying it a little too much; she had to bring herself down and remember _why_ he was begging. Chase needed them. She shoved away her hormones and sighed. Kids sure complicated dirty inner monologues.

"Please Elena, I'm not trying to take up your whole day off. I wouldn't ask you if I wasn't desperate," he paused, completely unaware that she was ready to implode with need for him. She covered herself well. He continued, "Okay, that's not true. I would've asked you to come with me even if I had my car…"

Oh, she knew that already, she just liked the confirmation. She wanted to know the small changes between them weren't just in her head. She had too much going on in there as it stood. There was a sick cycle going on in her head. She still found it hard to believe that she was sticking around actually _looking_ for more with him.

He lit her up quite easily. It made the friends thing difficult, to say the least. The kissing and the touching weren't normal, she knew, but it was okay. It was necessary when it came to them. It just happened naturally and it felt so right. She pretended it bothered her but she was just as needy as he was in that department. One day he'd be begging her for it again, she knew. Or maybe she'd be begging him…

"Okay," she said simply. She'd gone with to take Chase back to school before; she knew where he went. It had been non-threatening then, outside that building. Going inside was a completely different story. Damon didn't know that Chase just happened to attend the same high school she had 12 years ago.

But she was trying, wasn't she? This was for Chase, not for herself. She wasn't soul searching or looking for answers she'd never find. She hadn't set foot in that building since she'd graduated. Nothing too bad had happened there. It was who she met because of that school and what happened after high school graduation that haunted her now.

"Okay I'll pick you up in twenty minutes…" she said softly, melting under the thoughts of his puppy eyes and his cocky smirk. The first time she'd seen his lips do that _thing_, she'd all but bottomed out…and that was when she could do whatever she wanted with him. Now she practiced restraint by choice, but sometimes he was just too sexy and it didn't work out so well.

It was interesting, the things they did together. Sometimes things were so domestic and natural and other times they were like animals in heat. She'd made that choice; told him no sex. But one day, when she got herself in order, when she told him her issues, she hoped they could find that perfect mix again. Never sleeping with Damon Salvatore again was _not_ an option. She'd be a fool to drop that forever. She gulped.

She'd just admitted to herself that she wanted there to be a 'someday' with him. She'd keep that quiet for a while, until she was certain she could fulfill it. There was no telling with her and lately she found herself caring enough to not want to drag him down, too. She'd experienced enough pain in the love department for the both of them. Damon was anti-love by choice; not by experience.

He was cocky, but so naïve in that way. She wanted to protect him from it, too, even if that meant staying away from what she wanted with him. There could be no 'just sex' with them anymore. Even if Chase went back home they couldn't start that up again. In order to be _that_ detached from him again, she'd have to squash about a million butterflies in her stomach; and she quite liked those butterflies. They were warm.

* * *

She'd expected him to be ready outside of his building when she got there. But Damon didn't think like that, she knew. Or maybe he'd planned it all along. Maybe he wanted her to go inside so he could show her off. He was still that way sometimes; Arrogant, showy. His soft side showed through more often these days, but he hadn't lost that sexy edge, either. It was the part that kept her heart pounding. He was an ass and she loved it. He shot her wicked, wanting looks in public place on purpose. He whispered things in her ear to purposely rile her up, then left her hanging because she'd said 'no'. It was the biggest lie she'd ever told. She wanted him again, sooner than later. Admitting it was the first step.

Her brain was all over the place as she walked from her car to his office building. She was _supposed_ to be thinking about Chase and instead she was sorting out her feelings for his uncle. She hoped he couldn't see the inner battle she'd just fought when she stepped into his office building. She smoothed her hair and smiled calmly as she saw him sitting at his desk. He had on a pair of nicely fitting charcoal dress pants and a white button up shirt. His light blue tie was loose and he was cleanly shaven. She prayed he couldn't hear her heart pounding from across the room.

"Oh, hey _Elena_," he smiled and said a little too loudly when she walked toward his cubical. She looked around briefly, taking in the sights of a successful music producer's office. They were actually each other's biggest competition, she and Damon. But it didn't feel that way at all. She'd quit her stupid job before she let it get in the way of what was happening now. She hadn't told him that. She'd barely told herself that.

Work had once been an escape from reality for her, but if reality was what was slowly happening with Damon, she wasn't sure she _wanted_ to escape anymore.

She shook it off, everything. If she was honest with herself, she could care less who Damon Salvatore answered to for work. It didn't matter if her job was on the line. His eyes were always on her and that was all that mattered. There were other jobs…maybe places she'd be happier at…but there wasn't another Damon Salvatore; no one came remotely close to doing the things he did to her with the smallest of smiles.

She'd be in love with a man before, she reminded herself, though she'd been younger and he'd been more of a boy than a man. This was nothing like it had been with Jace; so what _was_ this?

Now a familiar man's head jutted out from behind his cubical and smiled, interrupting her brain's slow meltdown. She welcomed the brief interruption, as it was getting a little too hot in there. She was probably the color of her shirt by now.

His chair rolled out in the middle of the aisle and blocked her from getting to Damon. She stopped quickly in her tracks and placed her hands on her hips as she waited for him to talk.

"Yes, _hello_ Elena," Klaus said as he stood. "We never got to talk after someone so rudely stole my dance from you," he shot Damon a sideways glance. "I was thinking maybe we could try it again sometime. Now that you're here and all you should give me your phone and I'll put in my number, love."

He was handsome and this was a proposition she would have immediately agreed to a few months ago, but now the idea was ridiculous. She wasn't available! She wasn't _dating_ Damon of course, but she couldn't just be off with other men like that. She didn't want to be. She knew it, but the look on Damon's face as he approached them didn't look so certain.

"I don't think so," she responded. "I'm in something now," Damon gave an audible sigh of relief from behind them and she stifled a smile. They were in on a secret that no one else could possibly care about, but it was still fun.

When Klaus shook his head and wheeled back into his cubical her eyes met Damon's. She swallowed as she willed herself to stay focused on his eyes and not the rest of him. He looked lean and muscular. She hadn't seen him in his office. He looked powerful and serious. The only work she'd seen him doing involved his lips on someone else. He looked like he belonged in charge, somehow; although she knew the music industry hadn't always been his dream.

He placed his hand on the small of her back and led her down the aisle, smirking as men turned to stare at them. Elena hadn't even realized what being there really meant. Damon Salvatore was a dog in the office. He didn't have _one_ woman and he certainly didn't bring her around the office to show her off.

His reputation had him bedding different women every weekend. It was part of his job. Finn was sure to catch word of this. But he didn't care. Elena was there for him and he wanted the whole damn office of jackasses to know it.

"You look nice," he tugged gently on the end of her long ponytail, twisting his finger around the ends of her hair. Her scalp tingled, wanting him to pull on it again.

_You're a freak, Elena,_ her head screamed. He did a number on her thoughts.

Her mind was was everywhere but where it should've been. "I like this," he released it and sent the back of his knuckled gently down the column of her neck. She gulped. _Not now_. She fought the blush and the heat and forced herself into 'pissed Elena' mode. That was sure to put out the fire quickly.

"So are you ready? I expected you to be downstairs waiting to go. You made me come up here and now we're even further behind. Chase's school day will be over before we get there. Who knows what he's doing right now…" she scolded him, dragging him down the aisle of his office.

"I'm afraid to get in a car with you right now," he teased and she closed her eyes, strangely affected. "You might get us into an accident with that kind of temper…."

Yep. _There_ was the mood killer.

"Don't say things like that please," and that was all she gave him. He clicked his seatbelt on without saying another word until they'd left the parking lot. Her focus was weak as she saw his hands working in his hair. He'd gone from suave and sexy to vulnerable in two seconds flat.

She was the only one who could do that to him. She was the only one he'd let see him that way.

"I just can't believe him, Elena," he said out of the blue. It was almost like the conversation had started in his head and he'd verbalized it smack dab in the middle of it. He unbuttoned his top buttons and yanked off his tie. "He seemed fine this morning. We talked about him getting involved in something after school to make more friends. He apologized for skipping school, finally. _That_ only took a week and a half," he shook his head. "But overall I thought we were at least on the same page with most things. When they called me I was completely caught off guard,"

"You have to think like a teenager, Damon. Were you always one way, or did you flip the switch quickly, too?" she asked softly. "He can be multidimensional. It's okay, you know. He's going through something. But fighting isn't okay. We don't know what happened. Maybe he was defending himself," she offered up. "Or maybe he doesn't have an outlet, so this is how he chooses to release,"

She was wearing her mothering shoes again, he knew. They seemed to fit her quite nicely. She was confident and concerned when it came to his nephew. Women were just so much more together when it came to kids, he figured. He was grateful she could be his words when he couldn't hash out the things he felt. She was so good at emotions, when she let herself be. He longed for more of that from her.

"I'm sorry to have called you like that, but honestly, you were the first person I thought of when they told me," it was a big, bold thing of him to say on such a short car ride. It was open ended and there probably wouldn't be enough time to elaborate. It seemed that was the way things went with them. They had so many questions but never any answers.

"Do you ever think I might be too involved in this?" she licked her dry lips and stared straight ahead. "I'm playing this part in his life and I'm practically a stranger…to both of you," times like this, when things got so serious between the three of them reminded her just who she was. What she wanted and what she allowed herself to actually have were two different things. They had to be; for now.

"That's not true at all," he said quickly. They had about two minutes before they got to the school. There wasn't time to go off on a big lovey dovey tangent. He could barely string the thoughts together to explain what she was to him; he wasn't sure there was a word for it. He'd said friend but she was more than the guy he went to the bar with for a few drinks after work. She'd said simple but things with Elena had never been simple. Even their fling had gotten complicated in month, and not in the ways his others had. He'd pushed the others away when the wanted more, but he still couldn't get enough of Elena.

"I know what you _let_ me know about you, Lena," he said sweetly. "I want to know more. I'm not a patient man, and it's hard for me, especially concerning you…but I can wait this time, as long as there's something to wait _for_…" he said quickly. They were turning corners without thinking. It was a good thing she knew where she was headed because her attention span died when he'd said _Lena_.

"And I don't have time to get into Chase's thoughts on you, but I think it's pretty obvious that your opinion matters to him, too," he continued, "He's different with you than he is when he's with me. I don't see those sides of him you mention. He's either tough or mouthy or silent. One word answers don't give me a very good read on what I need to do to help him. I'm trying so hard to be what he needs, but he needs more…" he frowned. She understood and she agreed. But was she supposed to be the _more_ he needed? She wasn't sure she could commit to that, as much as she cared about him.

* * *

They pulled into the parking lot and walked slowly up the steps. They buzzed them in and it began. It smelled the same, she thought. Like chlorine of a swimming pool and friend chicken sandwiches. Nostalgia was creeping up on her and she feared it would soon reach her eyes in the form of tears. Lately her eyes gave her away, she knew. They were always so honest.

She'd take a chance, now, as they walked down the clean hallway to the office.

"Did you know I went to school here?" she ran her hand along the white walls. "Four years of this place was plenty. Didn't think I'd be back," he dipped his eyebrows, surprised. Her past was such a secret to him. Little moments like this felt so much bigger because of it. She was letting him in, little by little and he was grabbing at every word she gave him.

"Hm…and what kind of high school girl were you?" he smirked, "The cheerleader, the geek…teacher's pet? Were you the girl everybody genuinely liked… or were you a bad girl, Elena?"

"None of the above," she said quickly. "I don't like labels," Oh, she had him there. He was a label-phobe too. She nudged him, trying to lighten the moment more for her than for him. She didn't like labels because the one slapped across her forehead in high school would've been too cruel to think about.

"Well you certainly learned some things between them and now. I'd have guessed bad girl," his lips went lopsided. She did the only thing she _could_ do when it came to fighting off his lusty words; she rolled her eyes.

Maybe their games were just to distract them from what was _really_ happening behind those office doors. Chase was in trouble. It was just easier to think about each other than him. They were used to toying with each other.

They weren't his parents. They weren't _used_ to this type of thing.

* * *

They stopped at the receptionist desk and Elena struggled to find peace of mind. She stood in front of him, the back of her shoulder touched the front of his and he smiled at the contact. He'd talk to her about them again later, he decided. She had that hungry look in her eyes and he wasn't going to let it pass by unnoticed.

Elena's fingers drummed lightly on the counter of the desk. She remembered standing at that desk with Jace so many years ago, crying and panicked. A shiver went through her body and she felt Damon's hand unconsciously take hold of hers. He had no way of knowing what she was thinking, but he gave her exactly what she needed just then. Sometime his hands were aggressive and needy, but this time his touches calmed her. She loved every way he touched her.

"I'm here for Chase Salvatore," he said slowly and the receptionist buzzed him through to the back hallway. "You coming, Lena?" He leaned his chin over her shoulder to ask her softly, but her head was turned and she was staring a dark haired woman down the hallway. She shook her head, swallowing thickly.

"Go ahead. It should just be you in there with him," she told him. "He needs to know you're upset. Find out the whole story. I promise I'll be here when you get out, okay?" He frowned. There was an uncertainty in her doe eyes and he didn't like it one bit.

"They aren't just going to want you roaming around," he frowned. "This isn't like when we were in school. They are strict and…"

"I'm good, okay? I'll be fine," she said and he let her be. She seemed to know what she was doing, but he was still concerned they'd make her leave. As he walked through the office door he looked over his shoulder to see her walking toward the woman. He knew he should be focused on his nephew but something seemed wrong with Elena and he couldn't shake the unsettling feeling it gave him.

"Oh my God, Elena," the woman said, pulling her into her arms tightly. Elena let herself crash into the woman; she was one of the only people on earth with whom she could really be herself. She didn't have to explain or hide anything; Katherine Pierce had lived through it with her.

Her heart hummed with comfort and sadness, as it always did when they were together. She knew Katherine worked at their old school as one of the guidance counselors, so she wasn't surprised to run into her. She'd always been so good with giving advice. Elena should've listened to her in the first place. Life would be so different if she'd just admitted the truth.

But being in that school, hugging that woman silently felt differently now. She saw her from time to time; they weren't strangers. But each time they were together was like a vigil. They'd never stopped being angry. They'd never stopped mourning. It was what Elena loved about Katherine There had been rocks in their friendship, but after everything that had happened, she still cared about her. How couldn't she? They were practically sisters.

* * *

"Wow, your house is amazing!" Fifteen-year-old Elena ran her hands along the banister of Katherine's big staircase. She'd met Katherine a month prior in science class. Each year the sophomore class was paired up to do one big project for the semester. Fate would pair her with Katherine and it would change her life. Chemistry could do that.

"Yeah, it's okay," Kat smiled. "Hey, my mom wanted me to check on the dinner in the crock pot when I got home. I'll meet you upstairs, okay? I put my notebook on my desk if you want to start looking through ideas," Elena eagerly climbed the stairs. She was part of a middle class family. Their house was a normal ranch style with three bedrooms and two tiny bathrooms. It was exciting to see how the other half lived.

Her eyes floated along the walls, taking in the pictures of the Pierces' wedding day and of their family later in life. She laughed at a very unflattering picture of her new friend, but her eyes caught on the photo next to it. A tall brown haired boy stood in a Rugby uniform.

"Good looking, aren't I?" She heard a voice close behind her. She spun around and bit her lip, flushing immediately when his deep green eyes fell on her. He was handsome and clean looking, as if he'd just gotten out of the shower. His hair was chocolate brown and wet and his bangs fell into his eyes. He looked like he'd walked off the page of a magazine.

At fifteen, her experiences with boys were few and far between. She wasn't like the other girls who'd already had sex. She hadn't even been kissed! The boys that _did _talk to her were awkward and squeaky-voiced. Her brain was fluttering with excitement as _this_ boy talked to her. Her cheeks had gone from pink to tomato before he'd even said another word. "I like your blush…it's pretty," he was older and definitely knew the right things to say to a naïve girl such as herself, she knew.

"I'm Jace," he stretched his hand out to shake hers but her grip was loose and awkward. She was startled by his intensity. He was so forward. It made her feel important, almost. No other boy had ever actually commented on her looks. She was flattered, giddy.

She looked down as he smiled brightly. His teeth were straight and a brilliant white. "What? You don't have a name?" he whispered and she smiled nervously. She was completely baffled by the attention this handsome boy gave her.

"Elena," she said dryly. "Elena Gilbert…You're Kat's brother?" she looked back up at the picture of her new friend and the green eyed boy as small children. Their eyes connected and it seemed he was taken aback for a moment before he recovered. Even a handsome, confident guy such as himself knew beauty when he saw it; even if it came in young, inexperienced packages.

"_Older_ brother," he emphasized. "I'm a senior. I haven't seen you at school before," he was flirting with her, she realized. She didn't know him but she liked it. His hand was flat on the wall in front of her as she looked up into his green eyes. She lost herself in them for a moment; they were the type of eyes you remembered.

Those eyes burned into her soul. They'd send to many memories, so many emotions through her throughout her lifetime. She'd spend years trying to forget them….

"Oh, I'm not popular or anything," she explained. "Your sister and I just started hanging out because of our project. We haven't been friends for long,"

"Will you be around here often, _Elena_," he asked, smiling and she blushed again. "Maybe _we_ could be friends…."

"I don't know….maybe," she was afraid the blood would never leave her face if he kept talking to her like that, so she changed the subject to something safe. "Rugby, huh?"

"Yep. I'm pretty good at it, too," his gorgeous smile did her in. "You ever go to games?"

"No," she shook her head. He put his hand on her shoulder, but his face changed a little at the contact. She was so much younger than him, so much out of his league, but she affected him. She was different. He wanted to see her again.

"You should. You should come to my next game," he said softly as he heard Kat walking up the stairs. "My sister's okay but my friends are much cooler. And you're awfully beautiful for a sophomore. You don't look that young at all,"

"I'll be sixteen in two months," she licked her dry lips.

"If you hadn't told me you were Kat's friend I'd have guessed junior, at least," he winked. "I think you're the prettiest sophomore I've ever met."

He was buttering her up and she was buying it. But his intentions were all bad. He used his looks and his confidence to get him places, but there really _was_ something he saw in Elena. "You should come to a party with me sometime," he she leaned into his hand automatically as he touched her cheek. "My kinds of parties are much more fun than studying for school,"

She bit her lip and tipped her head back against the wall, gulping. Certainly he wasn't asking her out…

But she'd never find out what his intentions were that day. They were interrupted when Katherine stumbled up the stairs with an armful of snacks.

"I figured we could use some studying food so I brought up some…" she stopped when she saw her brother's hand on Elena's shoulder. She swallowed thickly. "Come on Elena…" she frowned and handed her some of the food so she could drag her by the arm down to her bedroom, leaving the green eyed god in the hallway. Kat closed the door tightly and hissed.

"What did he say to you?" she asked, panicked. Elena's cheeks were a little too rosy and Kat feared what that meant.

"Nothing really," Elena smiled thinking of their interaction. She craved the attention from someone like Jace. He seemed wild, cocky. He just seemed fun. "Why?" Her friend seemed angry and nervous but she wasn't saying much else.

"Good. Keep it that way," she sighed, content to drop it at that. But she didn't know the small affect her brother had on Elena. "Jace is a mess," she admitted. "I'm just glad he's going away to school next year," she opened her notebook and started to read through the notes she'd jotted down in class the previous day. "I don't like it when he flirts with my friends. It's gross and weird."

Yes, it had been flirting, Elena decided. Kat was probably saying all kinds of things right now; her mouth was moving but Elena heard nothing. When she closed her eyes she heard his voice. It was deep. It _sounded_ handsome. He was all kinds of sexy and she wasn't even sure what that meant…but he was. And he was forbidden, it seemed. She'd never explored the dangerous side of herself; if she was going to start, she'd be sure to start with him.

She'd find herself at his Rugby game the following week, and the week after that. It was harmless, she knew. She could flirt with a boy without it being a big deal….Kat didn't _have_ to know…

But if she'd heard more of what Katherine had said than 'Jace is a mess' she may have backed off. That was the biggest understatement of her friend's life, she'd learn later.

If she'd known then what she knew now she would've told him she was too young for him. But Katherine wasn't to blame for her mistakes. She'd let herself become involved with him too quickly and with no reservations. She didn't know heartbreak back then. She threw her heart out there without anything to fear. And it had been wonderful…so very wonderful at first.

Jace was a mess alright; and before she knew it, they'd be a mess together. Years later she'd be scrambling to pick up the pieces of heart he'd left shattered on that dirty, rain-soaked road…

* * *

"What are you doing here?" Katherine asked her sadly now. "I'm so happy to see you but I just never thought it'd be here of all places."

"I'm here with my friend. You might know his nephew, Chase Salvatore?" Elena smiled softly. She knew what was about to happen. Katherine was like family. She knew how Elena worked. She didn't go around doing serious things with guys. A school and a nightclub were different places. The last time she'd seen Elena she was buried in a corner with a man she'd never met. Now she was picking up a kid with a guy? Maybe eleven years had been her limit.

Katherine smiled in return, "Yes, Chase is a frequent visitor in my office, unfortunately," Elena's eyes widened at the thought. She hoped Chase had more sense than to try and flirt with a counselor! But he did the strangest things, sometimes. "Sweet boy, just a little off track. I understand though, given his family situation," she nodded. Elena realized her friend might be more in the know about Chase and Damon than _she_ was. She didn't like that one bit. She set her mind to opening herself up for more information on the Salvatore men.

"Yeah well, we're working on him. I really think he means well," she said the words without thinking. They were true, but they were bold, _telling_ words. Without knowing it, she'd taken him under her wing. She was subconsciously mothering someone else's kid. If she didn't think about it too much, it didn't seem so scary.

"We?" Her eyes lit up. "Is the uncle more of a _friend_ than a friend, if you know what I mean?"

"It's complicated, as most things are with me," she swallowed. "But you know why, and Damon doesn't," she whispered. "Not yet."

"You can't hide it forever, Elena. This is the first time you've seemed so involved with someone since my brother…"

She held her hand up, warning her. "I've thought about him enough today. I'd rather not go there. The thing with Damon is still so new. I can trust him, I think. But I don't know if I trust myself with him. I'm afraid I'll fall for him and run away and…" she shook her head, "He mixes me up, Kat. I'm afraid of these feelings…" her voice carried tears that she didn't let loose. "This is so _different_ than it even was with Jace. I tell myself that but it's hard to remember sometimes,"

"And Chase?" she asked seriously. "You're okay with that? You're not heading for the hills because he has a teenager?"

"I want to be okay with it," she said simply and Katherine saw that familiar sadness in her eyes. "I care about them, Katherine," she said slowly. "They make my life different. There's something so normal about the way we carry on," she realized. "It's like a redo at life."

"Oh, Elena…" she pulled her into another hug, but their conversation ended when Damon and Chase appeared before them. His bottom lip was swollen and split. He had two black eyes and blood stains below his nose. His super blond hair was messy, bloody.

Her heart ached at the sight. It was easy to laugh and joke with the boy when he was behaving. It was easy to scold him and tell him when something was right or wrong…but seeing him in pain wasn't so easy for her. It scratched at her memories; it brought things to the surface almost too easily. She fought with herself when it came to them. Moments like these should make her want to run, far away and forget feeling like _this_. But she didn't. She did the exact opposite now. She went to him, needing to be needed….

Elena dropped away from Katherine and wrapped her arms around Chase tightly. She'd never hugged him before, but the sad, lost look in his face told her he needed it this time. "Why are you doing this, Chase?" her heart hurt for him, for herself. Seeing him with cuts and bruises frightened her, stung her. Why did men always have something to prove? Why couldn't they just leave well enough alone?

He brought his arms up slowly around her and Damon watched them in absolute wonder. Chase didn't say a word and after their brief hug, looked at his feet when she released him. Damon sighed. He had so many things to say to his nephew, but all he wanted to do was thank Elena for doing the simple things he hadn't known to do. For a woman who'd tried so hard to convince him that she was emotionless, she was a puddle of sap before him now. He could swear he saw tears when she looked up at him and breathed loudly.

"Bye, Kat. Say hi to Mason for me," she turned to her friend, smiling through her weakness. Katherine watched her happily; Elena had made mistakes when it came to their friendship over the years, but she had, too. She'd made her feel bad for her decisions. She hadn't been that supportive friend she should've been when things started to break apart. They'd both been a mess, and rightfully so. It wasn't easy to come out of something a tragic as what they'd been through. But the minute it happened they were bonded again, as if nothing had ever come between them.

Elena was smiling now. She was taking Damon's hand and walking through the halls of her old high school. It didn't seem to haunt her, though; instead she seemed to soar with this new little bird under her wings.

* * *

All was calm in the car until they pulled away from the parking lot. Chase was in the backseat of Elena's car. His feet were on the center counsel and Damon pushed them off, irritated. "What's wrong with you, you don't do that in someone else's car! Kid you are on my last nerve…" more had happened in the principal's office than she knew, she figured. She frowned at his anger. He wasn't usually so obvious.

"It's just Elena," he said through his swollen lip.

"Just Elena? What's that supposed to mean?" He asked loudly. "Just Elena…." He mumbled. "What, just because you think you know her means you can do whatever you want?" he was taking it too far. "She's here on her day off hauling _your_ ass home, so…."

"Damon…." She frowned. Her voice sent a warning that he wouldn't hear. He was about to lose it. She'd never heard him so angry in his life. She no longer had to guess what he was feeling. "It's _fine_, okay?"

"See? Its fine, Damon," he repeated but Elena shot him a pleading look in the rearview mirror and he caught it. He had to work with her, not make it _worse_ by smarting off. Damon saw him smirking when he looked back at him, but he saw nothing funny about it. He blew his top at the look in Chase's eyes. He looked exactly like Stefan and that set him off.

"Chase, what the hell were you thinking? Picking fights? I cannot believe you….I thought you wanted things to be different here than at home!"

"I had to! Jeremy and Tyler were on me," he said seriously. "They told on me about the cherry bomb, so I made sure they kept their mouths shut," Elena's mouth dropped open in shock. That wasn't the way things were supposed to go. "They punched back…so I did, too…a lot and hard. But I _won_. You think this is bad?" He pointed to his mouth. "You should've seen them."

Elena's eyes widened when she saw Damon's frustration out of the corner of her eye. He had visible worry lines. That wasn't normal for him.

"That is the _stupidest_ answer I have heard in my life. The principal's kid? So you started it? Here I was thinking maybe you were defending yourself, but no…you threw the first punches? No wonder you're being suspended for a day! I'm surprised it's not for longer. You are in serious…haven't you learned anything from your father?" He yelled, not thinking of how harsh he was being.

"Damon…" she said a little louder this time, putting her hand on his knee. "Don't…" she wanted Chase to know Damon was upset and serious, but he was reaming him out without a chance to even speak. And he was doing it front of her. They were supposed to be alone when they had the conversation, but there she was again, right between them. Sometimes she felt like she belonged, and then there were times like this when she feared she made it so much harder for them.

Chase sat in silence, his were arms crossed, his ears open. Were they fighting over him? His parents had fought a lot. They'd gotten divorced but they were basically still married in his eyes. His father caved at anything his mother asked. But Damon and Elena _weren't_ married. They weren't even a couple! Damon was his uncle and supposed to be his guardian, but it didn't feel that way. Damon and Elena had been more _friends_ to him than anything, he thought. He'd never really seen them fight….friends didn't fight over kids that weren't theirs.

"No, Elena," he shook his head. "Don't try to protect him now. You weaken at every little puppy dog look he shoots your way. You're wrapped around his little finger and he knows it," he swallowed as she pulled her hand away quickly.

He was angry now, and she was getting the backlash, although she'd done nothing. He was just angry with Chase and angry with himself. He blamed himself for not being stricter, not setting rules. But she wasn't about to get yelled at. She glared in his direction and his eyebrows dipped in worry. Maybe yelling at her while she was driving wasn't the smartest move he'd made that day.

She drove in silence until she turned left at the light instead of right. They weren't headed to the grocery store. Damon swallowed, regretting everything he'd said in the last ten minutes. He couldn't help himself sometimes. He was so used to saying what he wanted, not caring whose feelings were hurt. He was trying to change but it didn't come so easily.

"I'm dropping you two off at home before I go to the store," she said seriously, ignoring his comment. "I'm not grocery shopping with shouty men. Call the dealer and ask them to drop your car off at your apartment,"

"But," he started.

"Figure it out," she said quickly, coldly. She didn't want him to be that guy with her. She wanted the warm Damon, the _hot_ Damon; the one who looked at her like she was more than just a piece of meat. She didn't want this angry version she'd never seen before, but then again, he probably didn't want the holed up version she kept from him, either. They couldn't be so picky when it came to each other.

"What? No, I needed to get a few things at the store. I thought we were going,"

"We _were_. Now we aren't. And you didn't need anything from the store," she smirked, he was begging her now. "I know what you're doing here," she glanced over her shoulder to see Chase's ear buds in place. He couldn't hear a thing. "You're avoiding. How much longer can you avoid this, Damon?"

"I don't know!" He said angrily. "I didn't think I really _was_ avoiding it anymore. We talked! What's talking about Stefan going to do? Make him angrier? He and I are both disappointed in him. We _know_ that. We don't need a heart to heart to discover that my brother's a failure at life."

"Well then maybe you need to cool off from me for a bit," she said seriously. "Clearly I crossed the line earlier when I told you not to yell at him. I told you I don't belong between you two. I'm already there, Damon. Maybe I'm the problem,"

Damon threw his head back against the seat and sighed. "I'm cooled! I'm fine…." He assured her. "Come on, I'm sorry. You know how I get. I'm stupid with this kind of stuff. You're not in the middle! You were helping. I was just upset and I projected…"

"I don't think so," she shook her head. "I've obviously overstepped my boundaries today. That's all there is to it. We'll be fine, okay? You just can't _do_ that and expect it to be okay. I don't take kindly to men who project their anger on others. I'm _done_ with that," she said sadly and his heart sank. She was giving him another piece of the Elena puzzle but he wasn't sure where it fit in.

"Elena please don't shut me out…I'm sorry," he. "I thought we were good with each other…"

"You know I'm still a little confused about us…." She reminded him.

"I'm not! You keep all these secrets but you're the one part of my day that actually makes _sense,"_ he pled. "Don't give up on me. Don't give up on us, please."

"I'm not," she assured him. "There just comes a time when _you_ need to step up and do what you need to do without me. You and I are separate from you and Chase. You need to keep it that way. I care about him. I don't want any harm coming to him. It broke my heart today when I saw him all beat up like that. I can't explain why…it just hurts me. Maybe I need to cool off, too," she said sadly. "You were thrown into this so quickly and I found myself in it, too. I'm happy to be…but you need to tell me when I'm out of line. I get protective. I get defensive. You'll understand someday, I hope,"

"I wish you'd tell me," he squeezed her hand as she parked in his lot. This thing in your past that's keeping you down hurts…" He got out of her car and ran around to open her door for her.

"You know it does," she swallowed.

"I don't like that," he admitted and her heart pounded a little faster as they saw Chase walk into the building with his headphone still intact. Had he heard a thing? She hoped not.

The sky was grey now and tiny drops of rain were trickling down on them. "I don't know what I'm doing with Chase and I sure as hell don't know what I'm doing with you, but I know that I'll never figure it out if you leave,"

"Then you have to keep your temper down," she said. "I don't do hot and cold. I can't be with someone who flies off the handle like that…even if Chase angered you,"

"But you _want_ to be with me?" He asked a little louder as the cars drove past and splashed water on them. Tiny droplets of rain rested on his long eyelashes and she melted at the vulnerable stare he gave her. His baby blues got her every time, but she knew how dangerous it was to love and rely on a man's eyes. She inhaled sharply, unsure of what to say.

"I want to be like this," she motioned between them, yelling over the noise, too. "Just like this for now. I don't _want_ to leave. I don't want to forget about you and Chase….but I will if I have to. If I come between you, if I ruin you…" Her hair was coming out of the ponytail now, and his fingers grabbed at some loose strands that had stuck against her wet cheek. He tucked it behind her ear. He shook his head at her words.

"No…" he said slowly.

"What you've done for Chase before and even today…it's more than I could possibly thank you for. I lashed out at you because I was envious at how coolly you handle it all. But I don't want it to stop. Maybe I'm selfish. Maybe I'm pushing you too hard. I don't know very much about you…maybe I'm the one overstepping my boundaries here…but don't you feel it, Elena?" His hands went to the sides of her face, cupping her ears loosely so she could still hear him. His fingers tangled in her soft hair.

"You could never ruin me," he ducked down a little so their eyes were at the same level. "What you are to me…" he stilled her head gently when she started to shake it from side to side. She needed to hear it. "Whatever _this_ is with us, Elena…I can't let this go,"

He thought he was bad with emotions but these were the most beautiful words she'd ever heard.

"I say stupid things but I never want to hurt you….I can't lose you," her hand went up to his on her cheek and her eyes were watery again. He knew it was from more than just the rain. She was somewhere else again. He wanted so badly to bring her back but he didn't know how.

So he did the only thing they did know how to do. He pushed his forehead against hers and stared right in her eyes. "I have a secret," he whispered, close to her lips. "I think I need you," his voice broke in nervousness. Thunder crackled and she jumped, but he held her closer to him. They weren't friends just then. When the lightening crashed around them, brightening up the darkened sky, she saw honesty in his blue eyes.

"Don't run away from me again," His need was evident now. Considering her past, she was surprised that she wanted this man to beg her to stay. Jace had been needy and demanding before and it had been completely unattractive.

But _this_ was Damon begging her. He challenged her fears without even knowing it.

He was pleading for her, but it wasn't the kind she'd craved before. It was packed with lust and something still so very indecipherable. These were the words of a man who cared about her. She should've been afraid of his serious words, but she clung to them, remembered them. They were beautiful and they sated the new needs she discovered she had for Damon. He was more than a warm body but boy was his body _warm_...

He saw the tears flowing down her cheeks slowly now. She cried for herself, for the things she'd lost, the things she'd never let herself have or feel. She wanted them with Damon, she realized, but she was just so jaded. She'd never meant to get so wrapped up in Damon, but it was far too late now.

She didn't often openly cry with him. It was beautiful to see her _feel_, but he wanted to make the pain stop. He waited for something from her…anything to indicate that he didn't have to be afraid of losing her anymore. She hadn't been the aggressive one in their situation. She never made the first move. He so desperately wanted the smallest of hints at what _she_ needed.

"I don't want to run," she managed.

"So don't…" he whispered. "You can be real with me. I promise, I won't hurt you..." when the thunder boomed again and he felt her lips brush against his lightly. It was quick and in the blink of an eye, it was over, but it happened. She'd kissed him. He watched her carefully as she lowered herself from her tiptoes and looked to the sky when the rain came down harder, dousing them. They ducked into the car again quickly, ready to wait out the storm.

Her lips on his had given him hope, courage. They were in a moment and he couldn't let it pass. He'd said 'fuck it' so many times in life. It was time he listened to his heart. He'd take a chance on her.

"Let me take you somewhere tomorrow night," he said slowly, once the rain had found a sweet rhythm on the roof of his car. She was soaked and pulled her hair tie out slowly. "Let's actually go somewhere together on purpose. Let's go together and leave together without fighting..."

"Why?" she could hear her heartbeat in her ears. It sounded like nothing she'd ever heard.

"Because we're _not_ friends, Elena," he whispered, curling her hand in his. " We say we are, but come on, baby. You and I both know that's bullshit. We might be friends but that's not _all_ we are... We're too good at this," his hand found her knee, tracing trails he had so many times before. She shivered. "I don't like staying away from you…I miss us…" he was forward now. He was crossing lines out of need and want...

"I'm right here," she placed her hand on his gently. "I told you I wouldn't go…"

"That's _not_ what I mean," he flashed a wicked smile. "I like what we have here, but Elena...I still think about what we used to have. How amazing we were…"

"Me too," she nodded. "I do. I miss it, too…" she admitted. She was too fried and too overly turned on from the day to pretend. "But that doesn't mean we should act on it."

"Why can't we? We said we were trying, right? Can't we try being together instead of just lying to each other and ourselves and saying we're 'friends'? Can't we try something real, something more?" his hand slid up her thigh slowly, teasingly. "Something we _know_ we're good at? Maybe we could get rid of some of this tension,"

"You're too important to me to hurt now, Damon. You're not just _sex_. You said you wanted more. Well, you got it. You're more to me now, okay?" she swallowed. "And if we just give in like that, you're going to end up hurt because I'm still _hurt_ from before. I'll never be what you need. I'll never be good for you or Chase. I've said it before and I'm sure this wont' be the last time. A friend is one thing, but what you're suggesting…."

"You kissed me!" he smiled. "And you kissed me back every time I kissed you. You wanted it, too...you remember, too..."

"Of course I do! I couldn't help it. You do crazy things to me. I _forget_ when we're together…"

"You're _so_ good, Elena," he pled. "I want to know what we are. Come on, go with me tomorrow," he smiled. The rain was letting up now and he'd be heading inside. "I've never wanted to be with someone as badly as I want to be with you. I've never been this ridiculous about anyone in my life. I've never been _this_ guy, but I am with you and I owe it to myself to do something about that…"

"Okay. I'll go with you," she breathed. She gave in, finally. She had to. He was saying everything she wanted to hear, and for once, her heart was ahead of her brain. She forced herself to push away her logic and let her heart and her hormones make her decision for once. There was only so much denial she could take. "But I can't promise you you'll get what you want. I can't promise we'll come out of this together..." she gave him a warning. "We aren't in a relationship here. This is just one time,"

"Whatever you say, Lena," he smiled.

"Seriously. I'm a disaster. You have no idea…." she flattened her messy, wet hair.

"We're both a disaster," he smiled. "We're a bigger, better disaster together," he wiggled his eyebrows, reminding her of their whirlwind adventures in her bedroom. "Surely you haven't forgotten _that_," he kissed her cheek quickly before he slid out of her car. She let her head fall back against the seat as she watched him run inside his apartment. He'd said he would talk to Chase that night. She hoped he did a little more listening and a lot less yelling this time around.

There were so many parts of Damon Salvatore that she didn't know. She could trust him, she was sure. He _would_ be the one that would make it okay again. They were a ball of fire… rolling, raging through this new life together. She'd hold onto some pieces of her past…the ones she never wanted to let go. But they would blaze and burn together, destroying the parts of her past that should've died eleven years ago.

Damon was consuming her quickly, and she was falling willingly into the flames.

* * *

**A/N: There we have it. I'm keeping this note short because this chapter is so long! I would LOVE to hear your thoughts on this super long chapter. I plan to slowly reveal bits of Elena and Jace. I think you'll know her story before Damon does. That's the plan. Creating my characters backstories is my absolute favorite part of writing my stories. I love to create that full understanding of them before they understand themselves. **

**Thanks again for reading! **


	8. Fly Me To The Moon

**A/N: This is chapter has a little bit of everything. We've got flashbacks from Elena's past, as well as a look at Chase and Damon's big talk. We'll see it all as we go on Damon and Elena's big date. Slowly but surely Elena is breaking. She's revealing bits and pieces to him, but I have a feeling you all will begin fitting the puzzles pieces together a little more after this chapter. Not everything is as it seems, and I'd love to hear comments/guesses on what you think really happened.**

**This chapter uses "Fly Me To The Moon" by Frank Sinatra.**

* * *

**All At Once**

**Chapter 7: Fly Me To The Moon**

"Are those _hickies_?" Katherine blinked as her friend emerged from her bathroom wrapped in a towel. She'd spent half an hour drying her hair and it was still wet.

The Pierce's had offered to host Elena's sweet sixteen birthday party that night and they were just hours away.

"Maybe," she said smiling. "Okay, yes they are," She spun around to face her friend and looked at her party dress laid out on Katherine's bed.

"Elena!" Katherine squealed in envy. The color rose in her cheeks. "Since when do you have someone to give you hickies? What have I missed? Who's the guy?" She asked as Elena pulled her strapless black and white dress up around her torso. Her fingers went up to the small bruises and she cringed as she realized they'd easily show.

"This was _not_ a good dress choice for tonight. Give me your concealer. My parents are going to _die_ if they see these," her heart pounded with rebellion.

"Honey, nothing's covering _those _up," she said loudly, "We need a backup dress," she shuffled through her closet wildly. "At least we're the same size. Seriously, though, I'm shocked. Who was it?"

She smiled bravely but she felt almost guilty on the inside. She wished Katherine would accept her relationship, but she knew there was no chance. She loved Katherine. They'd bonded quickly and easily, but she wasn't the only Pierce who'd won Elena's affections; the marks on her neck proved it. "I don't kiss and tell,"

"I hadn't realized you _were_ kissing someone," she pouted. "Lucky! I'll never get a boyfriend,"

Oh, if Katherine really knew what Elena was doing she wouldn't call her lucky at all. Keeping their little 'situation' a secret was getting harder by the day. His eyes often drove into her from across the living room; he'd mouth things to her behind Katherine's back in the kitchen. It was a miracle Katherine hadn't caught on yet, with all the innuendos he tossed Elena's way.

Kissing Jace for the first time a few months ago had felt dangerous and amazing. Her thoughts on celibacy were fleeting, practically nonexistent. There was a new, passionate side to the young girl and it was trying to claw its way out of her body before her conscious could return it to its rightful place. Her hormones were getting the better of her, she knew. It was all perfectly normal. But Jace was older and wiser in that department. She could trust him, she was sure of it.

"Here," Katherine smiled, "I have the perfect idea. They're mostly at the bottom of your neck. If we just get you a little cardigan or something no one will ever know. I think I have one down in the wash," she bit her lip, "Come on!" She pulled Elena down the stairs by the elbow.

"Here…there's a white one or a black one, which do you think would go better?"

"Black," they heard a voice from behind them and Elena bit her lip nervously. Jace had popped up out of nowhere again, and it was no surprise. It was a dangerous game that Elena found she _loved_ playing with him. There was something a little too fun about sneaking around behind her friend's back. They couldn't tell her…ever. She'd disapprove and probably ruin everything. It was best if they just kept it their little secret.

"What do _you_ want?" Katherine huffed at him. "I thought you were hanging out with Kol tonight," He stood behind Elena. He was close enough that she could feel his breath on her neck. It sent a spark of warmth through her and she flushed.

"Yeah well, plans changed. He's out with Samantha again, and I'm no third wheel," he smiled. "So now I'm completely free for the entire night…." His said carefully. Elena's heart pounded as their plan was rolling into place. He'd never had plans with Kol. "Any ideas on what I can do to stay busy?"

"No, we're busy tonight, and even if we weren't, we wouldn't hang out with you." Katherine said, but her eyes widened as she saw her brother's eyes scanning over Elena's neck. "Don't look at her like that," she knew her brother wanted Elena; she just had no idea he already had her. "God!"

"What?" He smiled. "Speaking of," he cleared his throat. "It looks like Elena'sbeen quite busy," he smiled at the marks he'd left on her and his eyes darkened. Things were heating up quickly with Elena. She was unlike so many of the other girl's he'd wooed. She was sweet and genuine. He taught her how to overcome those expectations and just be free. He had a reputation to uphold with his friends, but try as he might; Elena had gotten under his skin a little more than the rest of them. It was hard for him to stay away. Soon he'd need to possess her completely. He'd need to make sure she knew whose she really was. There were certain parts of his bad boy thinking that he just couldn't shake. "Looks like little Elena isn't so little anymore," he smiled. "Lucky guy,"

"Gross," Katherine said.

"Tonight's your birthday party, right?" he played dumb. His eyes went to Elena's eyes as he sent her a secret. "Are flirty, older brothers allowed at those kinds of things? It _is_ my house after all…"

"I guess if you're that _bored_," Elena's tone should've given her away. She was a giddy fool when it came to Jace Pierce. She craved the attention, the way made her feel. He was a bad boy, but she would be the one to tame him; she was _sure _of it. "I guess you could come,"

"Maybe I will," he winked at Elena as Katherine turned around, rifling through her clothes again. "Are we still on for later?" he whispered in Elena's ear and she gulped, nodding. The words were almost inaudible and they tickled her, reminding her exactly what their plan _was_. His lips brushed her ear at the movement, and he planted a quick, silent kiss on her lips and was back in his spot before Katherine turned around. She watched his eyes wandering over her friend again and sighed.

"Give it up, Jace. She's clearly taken," she pointed to the small bruises before Elena could wrap the sweater around her shoulders. Elena's eyebrows arched at her friend's comment but she nodded at Katherine to keep the peace. She wasn't going to be the one to give them away.

"Clearly," he smirked, spinning around on his heels and headed up the stairs. Elena prayed her cheeks were still red when Katherine turned around toward her again. Her brain was racing with thoughts of what that night would mean to her, to them. She'd never forget her sixteenth birthday; she was going to lose her last bits of innocence to the man with the beautiful green eyes.

* * *

Now Elena's ears were filled with the sounds of saxophones and jazzy drum beats. She scanned the crowd slowly, watching couples lean against the bar. Some were making their way to the dance floor, hand in hand. They were smiling and laughing as if they knew what they were doing. She envied the confident look in their eyes for a moment as she saw Damon walking toward her. He was mouthwatering, but wasn't he always? He was dressed in all black and walked with swagger, as if he _knew_ what she wanted. No one had ever looked at her like that. He simply smoldered.

He had two wine glasses raised above his head and weaved slowly through the crowd in her direction.

Yep, this had happened in a dream before, but he'd been shirtless and there weren't 25 other people in the room. Her brain wandered again and she looked away until he reached their tall, stainless steel table.

He slowly slid the glass toward her and smirked. He'd been tight lipped about where he was taking her the entire car ride down. She was impressed when they pulled up in front of a swanky wine bar on the beach. He didn't strike her as a wine connoisseur _or_ a jazz fan. But the setting fit him well; Damon Salvatore was as sexy and smooth as the music flowing through her ears.

His hand gently swept her wavy hair away from her ear, moving it to her other shoulder so he could lean in to whisper. A singer was setting up on the stage and the music picked up again. "I hope you like red wine," he said simply as his hand rested on her back. His lips were so close they grazed her small diamond earring when he spoke "I've only ever seen you drink white, but I thought we'd change it up this time," they'd just finished a glass of dry, white wine moments ago.

"I do," she nodded and sipped it slowly. It was 11 p.m. He'd picked her up an hour and a half ago.

She'd been quiet the car ride in. She'd sat through what felt like the longest workday known to man to get to this moment with him and now she was speechless. Her brain was humming with a million things she wanted to say to him, but she couldn't find the words. She was grateful for her wine; it kept her mouth busy and away from his. She was sure it'd be even sweeter on lips, but self-control was the key that night.

"Good," he resumed his seat across from her and watched her steadily. "I heard the next band is really good," he tipped his head and his lips went lopsided again. He brought the glass up to his mouth and smiled at the taste. Another band was setting up. Random notes were being played and the sound check was floating throughout the dimly lit room. They saw each other through the glow of the soft purple light above their table. She could've sworn she was dreaming again. It felt too good to have him so close. Real life hadn't been so gracious.

The bassist began to pluck his strings when she reached her foot out under the table to tap Damon's leg, grabbing his attention again.

"You don't strike me as…" she started, but had to raise her voice when the band kicked up louder. "You don't seem like the type who does this kind of thing!" She laughed as a trumpet player walked past them, entering with his tune. "I'm impressed!"

"Oh really," he smiled, enjoying her playfulness. "What _do_ I seem like?"

"I don't know...beer, hard liquor…" she smirked. She was on to him. He'd gone out of his way to impress her. "It's all I've ever seen you drink. But this is nice. It's a nice surprise. This place is classy,"

"Surprised I didn't take you to a game or a smoky nightclub, are you?" He arched an eyebrow. The band stopped again and he could hear her.

"A little," she admitted softly.

"Those are fun, but not what I wanted for us tonight. I've passed this place about a thousand times but never come inside. It just seemed right for us,"

"I didn't know _what_ we were doing. I wasn't sure how to dress," she'd stood in front of her closet for an hour after work, trying to decide. She'd settled for a royal blue summer dress and black heels. "Good thing I went with this and not the jeans and sweatshirt."

"And if you had, it would've been fine," he leaned across the table so she could hear him again. "But I like what you're wearing," his hand reached under the table and landed on her bare knee. She shifted her leg a little in surprise, but smiled at his warm hand on her skin. "This is nice, isn't it? Being out like this," her focus was dwindling as his fingers traced circles over her lazily. He was watching the music and she was watching him. He looked really happy, she thought. In that moment, he almost seemed carefree. She did that to him.

"Yes," she smiled. "I'm glad I decided to come," she scooted to the edge of her chair slowly, pulled in by his touch. She wondered if he'd noticed as his feet tapped the rungs of his stool to the beat of the music. He was into it and that was absolutely adorable.

"_Thank_ you for agreeing to come," he swirled his last sip of wine in his glass with his free hand before he drank it. "And I'm glad you're surprised," he jumped off his chair and scooted it up next to hers so she could hear him over the singer. "There are probably a lot of things about me that would surprise you," he said softly. "Sometimes I even surprise myself," she could smell the sweet wine on his breath mixing with his cologne. He ran his index finger along the bottom of her face then touched her lips, inching closer. She laughed and pulled back.

"Oh _no_ you don't," she whispered seductively and raised her eyebrows. "I don't kiss on first dates. Not even _you_,"

"Elena, this is hardly our first time! And I kiss you all the time. If I remember correctly, you _love _it..." But she zipped an imaginary zipper across her lips and laughed. He put his hands up defensively and smiled. He was happy he hadn't ruined the moment. She seemed in a great mood and he'd do anything to keep her that way. But he smirked as he felt her hand go to his inner thigh. Nothing had changed; she was just keeping things interesting.

They sat silently as she finished her glass of wine while the band finished their set.

"It's a nice night. Would you like to go outside for a while?" He gestured toward the set of open doors that led out to the beach. She nodded and he helped her down from the high chair. The music had started up again, but was softer now as they stepped out into the fresh air. It was pitch black except for a few small lights and tall wooden torches lining a path to the ocean. Tables dotted the patio with couples whispering sweet nothings. Elena inhaled, disarmed again. He was leading her elsewhere, away from the sights and sounds of the wine bar.

She was relaxed from the wine. She'd have gone anywhere with him just then. The rush she got just from holding his hand was evidence that she'd made the right decision to stick with him and try. He made the relationship thing almost appealing.

If only she'd met him first.

She took her shoes off and dug her toes into the sand as the ocean's waves crashed rhythmically. He was barefoot, too, carrying his shiny black shoes in his free hand. It was sweet and real. It wasn't a dream at all.

The night sky was clear. They could see the stars and smell the salt of the dark waters next to them. They walked side by side in silence for a few moments, passing cabanas in the distance. Damon would be mighty fun in a cabana, she thought. That was a place they'd never been. But her steamy thoughts were cleared when she felt him stop and sit down in the sand.

"I'm in a dress," she laughed. "I can't begin to explain what sand would do to me right now," He was still somewhat naïve when it came to the gentleman thing, she figured. In the moonlight she could see his eyebrows dip a little before he stood up and laid down his jacket for her to sit on. He patted the spot gently and smiled, proud of his idea.

A slight breeze mixed with the ocean's mist and rose up to kiss their faces lightly. "This is nice," he stared forward instead of looking at her. "I love the ocean."

He hadn't often mentioned the things he liked, aside from baseball and being with her. She jotted the note down mentally and listened as he continued. "I don't come here as much as I used to, but I should. It's a good place to really think things through. I used to be a thinker…for a short time after I lost my chance at the majors," he swallowed, "But then I realized there was no point in overanalyzing the things I couldn't change, so I just stopped. It was easier to go through the motions if I didn't remember what I was missing," he spoke slowly, as if he'd never strung the thoughts together in a sentence. They'd lived inside of him for years, but what good were thoughts never acted on?

"Guess I'm done with that carelessness, now," he gulped. "And I'm okay with that,"

"Because of Chase," she spoke, trying to ease him a little. Damon was always so quick on his feet, so snappy with words and sarcasm. But his edge was buried in the sand now and he sounded sad and nostalgic. Her throat was dry and she wished she had more wine to calm her down. There was a certain discomfort in his voice that she wasn't used to hearing. Chase wasn't the only Salvatore that needed comforting. His vulnerability was beautiful.

There he was again, knocking at her heart.

Damon was happy he'd arranged for Chase to spend the night by his grandmother's. Giuseppe was out of town visiting his last living brother. They needed bonding time. Janie was so much happier and so much more _herself_ when Giuseppe wasn't frowning at her about everything. Their marriage was strange, Damon always thought.

He needed alone time with Elena and he needed to know he didn't have to worry about his nephew getting into trouble. They had the whole night, if they wanted. He'd keep her as long she'd let him.

"We talked, Chase and me…" he leaned back on his hands as his fingers dug into the cool sand. He looked up for a minute, as if searching for the right way to tell her. When he met her eyes again, he saw concern. "Last night after you left...we stayed up a long time," he sighed. "I still don't know if I said the right things. I don't even know if there _are_ right things to say when it comes to Stefan. I can't lie to him, Elena. I can't tell him everything will be okay, because honestly, it won't be. I wish so much that his real father would've just stopped to see what was really going on. He needs someone that he can rely on,"

She saw his eyes change in the moonlight; there were tears for something unspoken waiting to fall, but they never did. She let him be; acknowledging it might have shut him down. She made honesty and emotions seem so difficult, but she had to remember he wasn't a champion in the feelings department, either.

It felt like they were dipping their toes in the water…that first minute is so cold and so hard, but gradually it would grow to feel normal, even good. Soon she'd want to immerse herself in him.

"Don't you believe he can rely on you?," she asked. "I believe he can," There she was with her certainty again. "And despite what I may have made you feel last night…you _are_ doing a good job with him," the wind lifted her hair a little and she flattened it down. "Let me tell you something. No parent knows what the hell their doing at first," she swallowed, "You aren't _supposed_ to know everything right now. Kids are all different. The Chase you're dealing with now and the Chase I met at the airport are two different people. You can't treat every situation the same. Sometimes kids just need to know people care what they're doing. I'm sure Chase is the same. I don't know the all the details. I ran out on you when you were trying to tell me…." She recalled. "I'm sorry for that, by the way,"

"You're here now. That's all that matters," he said quickly. "And I'd like to tell you the details, if you'd let me. I'd like to tell you all about my brother and my parents and _me_…" he paused. "I just want you to know me, Elena. I've never wanted anyone to actually _know _me, other than my parents. You and I…we are amazing in a lot of ways but we don't know even the most basic things about each other. That was our choice…"

"It was _my_ choice," she reminded him. "You can say it. I'm the one that set the rules. I saw you caving halfway through the first month. You were gentler and calmer. I could tell something was changing. _I_ kept us on track when you were drifting to _this_…." She gestured between them. "Because I didn't think I wanted it," she stretched her legs out and crossed her ankles in front of her, leaning back on her hands. "I'm not saying I'm completely there right now, either….I'm just saying I think I like being with you like this. I think like us,"

"I _know_ I like us," he nodded, rolling up his sleeves to his elbows. "Hell, I know like _you,_ Elena," he said into the wind. "I like you a lot. You don't have to say anything back. I don't mean to scare you, but I can't pretend anymore," he waited for her to say something, but instead he heard her breathing change. She was sending him silent signals again, but he knew exactly what she was saying.

'_Beach cabana, now!' _her head screamed loudly, but she did her best to tune it out. He was trying to be sweet but all she could hear was the sexy tone in his voice.

"My life got complicated fast," he continued, bringing her back to earth. "I'm glad you were there for it. You make everything so much better. Somehow you've managed to drive me completely insane and calm me down all at once. I like that, too. You don't make it too easy. You're the first woman to ever tell me no. It's kind of hot, actually," he wiggled his eyebrows, lightening the serious moment, but she was serious still.

She nodded, watching a boat's bright spotlight in the distance.

"It's quiet now. No one will interrupt us here," he said softly as waves licked patterns into the sand. "Considering I've talked to Chase, I can't see a better time than now to talk to you. You've taken him under your wing so easily without knowing all the details," he's said it so many times but it still blew his mind.

"He's sweet. It's easy to love him," she admitted, pouting her red lips. Damon wished she could be so certain about _him_, but he didn't push the issue. He'd made his mind up to tell her about his family and he was going to continue, no matter how distracting she was. "Sometimes I feel guilty for it, though. It's really just a fluke that I'm even in his life,"

"I don't think so. If I thought you were really bad for him, I wouldn't be here with you right now. You said to separate my feelings when it came to you two, but sometimes I can't. He's a part of my life now and I want you to be, too. We have to blend, sometimes. Other times it can be like tonight," he smiled. "If you'll let it," he was looking for confirmation that she planned to stay close to them. He couldn't have a woman just ditching out on Chase and coming back whenever she wanted, but when it came to Elena, he had a feeling he'd make exceptions.

"It's only fair I'm honest with you about him now, because you've become what you are. But I have to tell you, I'm sort of opinionated when it comes to Stefan. He's made too many mistakes and I can't get past that," he found himself leaning back into the sand, pressing the back of his head into his folded hands and staring at the stars once more.

Talking about emotions had never come easily for him; it had really never come at all. When he felt her lying down next to him slowly, he knew she was giving a little bit of herself up, too. The gritty sand was probably sinking in her dress now, he figured. She was probably uncomfortable…it had definitely not turned out as smoothly as he'd planned.

But they weren't smooth; few things about them had ever run effortlessly. It was one hitch after another; a push for every pull; one step forward and two steps back.

"Stefan's four years older than me. He used to be my hero until I realized heroes really _don't _exist," he laughed in bitterness. "I wanted to look up to him, like all little kids hope to do with older siblings. I was supposed to have an automatic friend for life, but I lost him when he started high school. He got into drugs and drinking and partying. I was shocked. I didn't think peer pressure from a couple of guys would take my brother away from me. I hate peer pressure. I hate labels," he let it sink in. He knew she'd make the connection with Chase. She did things like that easily. "Dad said it was a phase. Mom's _still_ defending him…." His head fell into the sand and his hands went to his sides. "I love my mom but sometimes it's hard to be honest with her. Sometimes it feels like I'm the only one who really sees what's actually happening with my family…" he picked up a seashell and twisted it in his fingers, focusing on that instead of her eyes until he could reassemble his thoughts.

But he turned when he saw her sink down next to him. She stretched her arm above her and head and crashed into the crease of her elbow. Her torso wasn't on the jacket, just her bottom half now.

She hung on every word he said, as if they really meant something. He lost himself for moment, not used to airing his dirty laundry and definitely not used to someone _really_ listening. But he felt her right hand link with his, giving him encouragement that was more powerful than she knew. He blew out a mouthful of hot air and continued,

"I'm a lot of things, Elena, but I'm not a bad guy. I'm detached and lazy sometimes. I know I seem like I don't care about a lot of things. That's probably because I don't, or I didn't…" he scrunched his eyes up, processing his thoughts. "I'm snarky and cocky because it gets me the things I want without me having to admit I need anything. People jump when I say jump. I'm selfish. In my own head, the world revolves around me. There's a reason for that," he turned to her, leaving their hands linked. "Because the only person I can count on is myself," it dawned on him that she may misread what he was leading up to, so he quickly added, "Or at least that used to be true…" she stayed silent, afraid to interrupt him. It almost sounded like he was explaining his feelings to himself that night, too. "Lately I've realized I don't like being alone. I don't like only loving myself…." His thumb found her thumbnail and traced along the cuticle.

"I was an accident. My parents tried for kids for years and they finally got St. Stefan late in life. It's crazy, because you'd think if they wanted us so badly that my father would actually _care…._" He paused. "Anyway….I came around four years later, unexpectedly. Maybe Dad resents me because I wasn't part of his plan; I don't know. I do know that I wasn't the kid they prayed for every night," he was letting it out now, clearing his head of years of troubled thoughts. "That's pretty obvious when you see how they treat me versus how they treat him,"

How couldn't they love him? He was trying to save their grandchild. He was obviously a good man, just a little damaged. He was very loveable, she decided, but she pushed the thoughts to the back of her mind for the moment. She needed more time before she could begin to analyze what she felt. Maybe she'd been wrong the first time; maybe she _hadn't_ loved Jace. He never made her feel like this. Maybe she'd been terrified of a feeling she'd actually never _truly_ felt.

"I'm sure that's not true. I'm sure they love you both the same," she said gently.

"It's true. He's their favorite. It always has been that way and it always will be. You know how I know?" he laughed and sat up for a moment, unable to find a comfortable position. "Because Stefan _killed_ someone and they are still defending him," his voice was edgy, hoarse. Elena's eyes shot open in horror. Murder?

She immediately thought of Chase and panic set in. The thought of him involved in a family situation _that _bad terrified her. "What? Oh my God…I guess I never thought it was that bad,"

"Stefan beat the living hell out of Caroline's drug dealer," he turned his head and looked right at her. "Turns out the guy wasn't _just_ her drug dealer. Stefan and Caroline were divorced, but that didn't matter to my brother. Stefan walked in on them and completely flipped out," he paused. "The story is that the guy took a few swings back but was strung out and incapable. There was no way it was out of self-defense. They say Stefan lost it and beat him out of jealousy. I guess he hit the guy over the head with something and that was it," his voice hardened.

"…Does Chase know…" her voice broke with emotion now. A wave of pain crashed into her already confused heart. "He knows he's in jail but does he know _how_ it happened?"

"He knows," he answered quickly. "And he should. He's old enough. It was considered second degree...but I guess he could get out in ten years. In ten years Chase will probably have a family of his own. I don't want him building a life based on what _his_ family situation was like…" he swallowed. "I learned a lot about him when we talked. Some things made sense and others blew my mind. You were right, Elena. He's just confused. And I don't blame him. If I had to be the one to call the cops on my own father, I'd be messed up, too,"

* * *

Damon walked inside their apartment quickly after Elena drove away in the rain the night of Chase's suspension. He went to his bedroom, changed his clothes and willed himself to do what she'd said. He'd known talking to Chase wasn't optional. The sooner he got it over with, the easier it would be. But if he waited until Chase kept getting in trouble, they'd have Stefan's problems _and_ Chase's problems to deal with…

He knocked on his door twice, but opened it slowly when Chase didn't answer. He found him lying on his bed with his headphones in, throwing a baseball up in the air and catching it. Damon waved his hand a little, acknowledging him. and Chase turned off his music and pulled out his ear buds. "Busy?" Damon asked.

"Am I ever?" Chase said quickly. "Didn't Elena come in?"

"No, she went to the store, remember? She isn't coming back tonight. You and I need some time here," he paused. "I'm not okay with your suspension," Damon had a seat on the folding chair across the room. His eyes scanned over his trophies and posters and he swallowed. He remembered being young and wanting so many things; he wondered if Chase had dreams he thought would never come true. "I'm not okay with fighting. Hitting someone is unacceptable, regardless of the reason, but the things that made you fight are _really_ unacceptable. You said you punched them because they told on you. But you already apologized for what you did to that mailbox. You weren't going to get in any more trouble for it…"

"They told the girl I like about it," he stopped throwing the ball in the air and sat up. "She's a nice girl, but Jeremy likes her, too. They're trying to sabotage me. They told her I came from a bad family. They told her my mom does drugs and my dad's in jail…I just got angry. I just wanted to be normal. I just wanted someone to see me for me, not judge me because of them. I think I scared her off, though," he shook his head. "So there should be no more fighting. I did put them in their place, though…"

"How'd they know those things?" Damon frowned, ignoring Chase's last comment. "I thought you weren't mentioning any of that to anyone,"

"Tyler's Dad's the principal," he said quickly. "That kind of thing is supposed to stay confidential, but Tyler goes in his dad's office all the time and snoops. I'm sure he got into my file or something,"

The kid had no luck, Damon realized. Thousands of miles from home and he was still reminded of the life he so desperately needed to escape. "It's bad enough knowing that my parents suck. I don't need other people telling me, too. And I don't need other people making fun of me for it, or giving me pity. I just want to be normal."

"Was your dad decent to you…I mean, he never hit you or…"He knew Stefan's tendencies. It was hard to talk about, but he knew he had no other choice. If he ever wanted a relationship with Chase, he had to know everything. He feared the kid was bottling too many things up inside. If it went too long, he might snap and it could be worse next time.

"No. He never hit me. I stayed in my room a lot. We went to see mom sometimes, but that was rarely good. Half the time she was asleep, but sometimes she was actually normal," he sighed. "I love my mom. She can't take care of me; I know that. I just wish she took care of herself," he pulled his baseball cap on and leaned back down again, tossing his ball in the air again. It was a good distraction; it gave them both a place to look instead of at each other.

"Dad and I aren't best friends or anything like that. We don't do things together, really. We never went to games; he never let me play baseball when I was a kid or when I got older. He said we didn't have the money, but I always knew why. He was giving it to Mom," he fell silent for a few minutes. Damon wasn't sure whether or not to interrupt. The thought of Stefan supporting her drug habit sickened him. He may as well have stayed married to her. The only reason he hadn't was because their father had convinced him otherwise. A Salvatore shouldn't be married to a drug addict, he told him simply.

"I didn't _want_ to call the police that night, Damon…." His voice squeaked. "Just because Dad and I aren't buddies doesn't mean I hate him. It doesn't mean I wanted him to go to jail…but when I heard the screaming I knew I had to call," he caught the ball and paused.

Damon cringed. He didn't know Chase had been the one to call. He'd never asked. He'd just assumed a neighbor heard banging and screaming and called 911. The news that his own young nephew had sent his own father to jail disturbed him. He was brave in ways he shouldn't have had to been at fourteen.

"I didn't know the guy was dead when I called. We went over to Mom's for dinner. She was really good on the phone that day. She seemed happy and clean. That was so rare so it was really nice," it was all rushing out of him now, quickly, powerfully. "But when we pulled up we saw a car outside. Dad seemed to recognize it so he told me to go in the backyard and fire up the grill. I thought he'd tell me to come in after a few minutes but then I heard the screaming and the crying," he voice shook. "When I looked through the window Mom and Dad were hugging and there was blood everywhere. He was whispering something in her ear and she was shaking her head….something was off. I ran back to the car and found an old prepaid phone we'd kept in the glove compartment for emergencies. There was no service but it still dialed 911," he swallowed. "I sent my own father to jail…"

He hadn't realized it, but somewhere in the middle of his nephew's horror story, his heart started hurting. A tear slid down his eye for Chase, for their parents, for Stefan…. He'd spent years begging his brother to change. He might have given up cocaine but he was still very much addicted to Caroline; she was a far more dangerous drug to him. Chase had been brought into this world as an accident, too. Damon could relate to the feeling of disconnect from his father, and it angered him that his brother would treat his own son that way. But Stefan _had_ gotten attention from his parents…more than he had. Their father wasn't overly affectionate with either brother, but Stefan got more smiles and nods of approval from Giuseppe than he ever had.

For a moment he felt selfish. He'd spent his whole life whining about being ignored, but his parents hadn't been drug addicts or violent. He'd never felt unsafe. He'd always had a warm bed to sleep in and lots of food to eat. Hearing Chase's story made him realize he'd stopped _trying_ to have a relationship with his father after he was eighteen. Chase seemed to still genuinely care about his parents. In that moment, Damon wasn't sure which was worse: loving too much or not loving enough. There was no balance in the Salvatore family.

He sighed. There really _weren't_ words for Chase's story. Nothing he could say would ever make his nephew forget what he heard, the aftermath of what he saw. Nothing he could do would ever erase that image from his young mind. He had scars far worse than a ruined baseball career.

"I'm sorry," was all he could say. He quickly wiped the tear away, trying to stay strong for the boy who needed him even _more_ than he'd realized. He had no hero, either. "I know it doesn't feel like it, but you did the right thing," he sighed.

"I feel like I screwed him, Damon," he admitted loudly. "Even if he deserved it, I still screwed him. Mom's still on drugs and now she's alone. She's going to get worse. I know you don't like her. I've heard Dad arguing with you on the phone,"

"I just don't like the things she chooses to love," he said seriously. "It's okay that you love her. I'd love my mom no matter what she did, too. But there's a difference between loving someone and loving what they do. You know that, right? You wouldn't..."

"I don't do drugs, Damon," he said seriously, quickly catching onto his uncle was getting at. "And I never will. I'm not like them…" he growled. "I know I punched someone….I know it seems like I'm being like my Dad, but I don't want to be. Fighting isn't all I know. I have a mind of my own. I didn't learn how to be from them; I learned how _not_ to be. So maybe I'm mad at myself for fighting, too, okay?" He said honestly.

"But sometimes it gets to be too much and I just act out. I know I'm only fourteen but I'm not stupid. The only reason I did that cherry bomb thing was because I'm sick of always being stepped on. I wanted to be in charge for once. I thought…I don't know what I thought. I guess I could get away with that stuff in Mystic Falls because my parents never reprimanded me. I broke curfew all the time….I never was grounded. But I see that's not the way it's going to happen here," he swallowed. "You should've _seen_ the look in Elena's eyes when she caught me!" He stifled a laugh. "She was fuming."

Damon's heart soared at the reminder. They were sharing a moment, but somehow, things always came back to Elena. "She's a firecracker," he smiled. "She's kind of mouthy,"

"She put you in your place, too," Chase reminded him.

"Yes, she did," his stomach flipped warmly at the memory. He appreciated her fire. "I like it, too,"

"I couldn't believe she made me apologize," Chase interrupted his thoughts. "And she was _serious_," his eyes widened at the memory of her frown. "I'm not used to people caring what I do. I barely knew her and she reprimanded me more than my own parents ever have," Damon watched the expression on his nephew's face change. "No matter what I did they let me off the hook," he shrugged. Damon's wheels were turning quickly now. It was a moment of Deja vu. Stefan's parenting style sounded an awful lot like someone else he knew. He ignored problems, covered for his son….

"I'm sorry I snapped on you in the car," Damon sighed. "I guess I really _am_ worried that some of your parents' bad influence is going to rub off on you. I don't want that for you. Like you said, you are your own person, and I think you're a good person. I just think you're too young to have to sort through all of this right now. I don't expect you to just drop everything and be happy 100% of the time. I don't want you to feel like you have to pretend to be okay when you aren't….that doesn't feel good and trust me, it won't help you later in life, either," he was thinking out loud. "But I also don't want you to act out and be tough just because you feel like that's the only outlet you have," he looked at his walls again and he got an idea.

"You mentioned baseball," Chase's eyes lit up at the word. "What would you think about getting involved with a team? It might be a nice way to keep you busy and focused so you don't have to come home and think about all that other stuff. And it might get you with the right kind of friends. My teammates were some of the best guys I knew in school. We made a lot of funny memories,"

"I don't think I'm good enough to play for the school team. I haven't ever done more than hit a few balls with the neighbors. Dad never played with me…" Damon frowned again. This kid was yanking his heartstrings hard now. He wanted so badly to change the way Salvatore men treated their kids.

"There are plenty of local teams that practice in the evening. You don't need to try out or anything. And we can practice," he smirked, "Like I said, I used to play. It's been awhile but I'm not _that_ rusty. We could throw around the ball or hit some groundballs in the park sometime, if you wanted," he'd gotten the surgery he'd always wanted. His arm wasn't perfect but it was better than it used to be.

Elena was right. This felt good. He felt lighter, like he was really trying.

"That'd be cool," he smiled. "You were pretty good when you were a kid, weren't you?" He held up a newspaper article that he'd pulled off a bulletin board. "What made you stop?"

"Eh, you know…family stuff," he smiled sadly. "Maybe it'd be good for _me_ to play again, too," he got up, sensing the conversation had been enough for that night. They'd just scratched the surface, but he already felt so much more in tune with Chase. Next time would be easier, and the time after that, if need be. It was hard; thinking about his brother's failure in life wasn't something he enjoyed. But he'd been able to escape it. Chase hadn't. He might never be able to completely eliminate the fourteen years of damage his parents had done, but he could show him that there _were_ people who did care about him. He wasn't the only one who wanted the best for Chase, he knew. Elena's sad eyes earlier that day had been very telling.

"So, yeah…if you ever want to talk about anything, you know I'm here," he said quickly, not wanting to ruin their bonding moment. He was still a fourteen year old boy. He probably didn't really _want_ to get emotional.

"Yeah, I know," he nodded. "And Elena, too,"

"Yeah, I hope so," he said, but his heart stressed at the thought. She was still so closed off. She was still so fragile. He'd seen the tears in her eyes, heard her voice break when she'd seen the bruises and cuts on Chase's face. She wanted so badly to be strong, he knew, but she wouldn't commit. She said she didn't want to run but there were no guarantees. Sometimes she seemed so sweet and sure and others she looked like talking to them physically _hurt_.

He wanted so badly to tell Chase she wouldn't leave them, but he just couldn't promise Chase that right now. He couldn't promise himself it, either. He'd never been one to make promises, anyway. "Just take it easy, okay…" he closed the door behind him and went to take a shower to sort out his thoughts. Things were clearer now, but it didn't mean life was about to get easier. Chase seemed to want to do the right thing; but no one changed without a little trouble, first.

* * *

But he saw things in her now that made him question why he'd ever doubted her. He'd promised himself he'd never be overtaken by a woman, but she was all he wanted. Sometimes his brain said she'd try to run away again eventually, but his heart said she'd never let him go.

He heaved a sigh. "That's horrifying," she swallowed as a memory knocked at her mind. "It makes me sick when parents are so careless with their kids. How can anyone love something_ more _than their own child? I feel so bad for Chase. But your baseball idea was brilliant. Good job. That was a smart move and you came up with it on your own," she smiled. "See, you're good at this..."

"Smart is not a word I'd use to describe myself right now. I actually feel really selfish and really stupid," he admitted. "I've been walking around all 'woe is me' for years but I never had it half as bad as he did. He was _born_ into bad. My brother has always been stupid when it comes to Caroline. Divorce did nothing. She's been ruining his life since the day she got pregnant," he explained. He saw her eyes flicker with something else, but he continued,

"I mean seriously, that's an indication of how _stupid_ they were right there. Twenty years old, barely knew each other, and all the sudden they're supposed to be parents? Please! No wonder Chase is so mixed up. His parents were practically kids when they had him. I love my nephew but they were never fit to raise him…neither one of them, let alone _both _of them. They should've given him up for adoption. It would've given him a better life…" Elena frowned, shifting away a little. She was surprised to hear him say it. "I'm glad to know him, but he was born into the wrong family,"

"Just because they were young doesn't automatically make them unfit parents," her voice was raspy, broken. It ached. "From what you've told me, it seems they would've been that way no matter _how _old they were. People make mistakes," she said slowly. "There are plenty of people who have kids young and are completely fine," she added.

"Well not my brother and not Caroline," he frowned. "Guess I'm just a little judgmental when it comes to that kind of thing now. I've only ever seen bad come out of it. If she hadn't gotten pregnant he might have just left her. Stefan felt obligated to marry her and that's when he really lost himself. Just because he got her pregnant didn't mean he had to stay with her. He kept saying he wanted to be responsible, but Chase would've been better off if they _hadn't_ gotten married," he found another shell next to him and fidgeted with it before he continued,

"You're right. People make mistakes, but they don't have to keep making them, Elena. He just kept saying he still loved her. He would've been so much better if she hadn't made him feel like he had to stick around…" Elena cringed now. Her heart was searing. She didn't think the conversation would turn _this_ way.

He had no way of knowing…she couldn't blame him; but she wasn't about to open that book just then. She couldn't handle the thought of ruining the amazing opinion he had of her right now.

"Maybe that's why I'm so distant when it comes to relationships. I was sixteen years old when Chase was born. I barely understood what relationships were supposed to be like and if _that _was supposed to be my model for it I wanted nothing to do with love. I didn't ever want to lose myself that much in someone," she was glad the subject had changed now. "It seemed horrible and controlling,"

"So you've really never been in love…"

"No," he shook his head. "And I've kept it that way it on purpose. I've had one girlfriend and that was in high school. Everyone else was nothing…they were random or we messed around for a few months and that was it," he paused. "Like we used to…" she gritted her teeth at the thought of him with other, careless women, but quickly reminded herself that she was no better. Her only form of affection had come from randoms too. "And it worked for me. I didn't care about any of them. I could never become like him if I didn't ever fall in love,"

"That's…sad," she squeezed his hand lightly, feeling the gritty sand between their fingers.

"That's the story of Damon Salvatore in a nutshell. Lies, murder, dot dot dot," he paused. "Throw in a ruined baseball career and you pretty much know everything. I have Stefan to thank for that, too," he said bitterly before he took a few moments to share the painful memory.

They listened to the waves crashing again, holding on to what was happening. The moment was so raw and pure and unlike anything he'd ever wanted before. It didn't feel like a first date at all; being there on that dark beach, pouring out his soul felt comfortable. It felt like he'd been holding everything in for years _just_ to share them with her. When he'd finally released his feelings, he was free.

"You don't like it either, do you? Love…" he whispered and she shook her head.

"I liked it. I liked the good things I knew about it," she said seriously. "It was wonderful and powerful and amazing at first. But when it went sour, it hurt so much more than I could've imagined. I was young…really young. I haven't loved anyone that way in eleven years," she bit her lip when his eyes widened. This man had done a number on her, he thought. Eleven years was a really long time. It had to be more than just a teenage romance.

"I thought I was done with him," she bit out. "I broke up with him. It wasn't supposed to be so hard. But then he managed to find the one way to make sure I never forgot who he used to be to me. He broke my heart even after we weren't together anymore. I will never forgive him, Damon. Never. And it's holding me back. I know that's not fair to anyone, but it's the way it is,"

"But he died?" He asked carefully.

"Yes, after we'd been broken up for a while," she nodded, holding back the tears. She couldn't give him any more information just then. Her heart hurt enough from hearing about Chase. She was proud she was still there and in one piece. She hadn't even let her _mom_ talk about anything that emotional with her in years.

But Damon didn't know. He was a fresh set of ears. He was sweet and caring and genuine, it seemed. He made her wish so badly that she _was_ okay enough with her past to talk about it. She was just happy to have opened her heart enough to let him in. He felt so much closer to her now, even though he'd barely talked about himself. "I won't be this way forever…" she assured him, shakily. He knew what she meant without any further elaboration.

"Okay," he smiled as she yawned. She shivered as the breeze went through her. He rubbed her side with his hand and she nuzzled closer to him. Before she realized it she was in his arms, dozing on the cool sand. She'd been in his arms dozens of times but never this way; never just to find comfort, to sleep. His hand played lazily with a few waves of her hair. "Do you still want to come to dinner at my parent's house?" She asked sleepily.

"Yes," his eyes fell on her. "With Chase, of course,"

"That'd be nice," her voice trailed off a little. If she'd been more awake she would've seen the red flags. Bringing a man and his teenager to her parent's house was something she'd never planned on doing. She never thought she'd get to that point; she never thought she'd see the day where someone meant that much to her to share with her family. "I'll let them know," she smiled as she fell asleep to sound of the waves and the feel of Damon's hand on her back.

They laid there for hours, until the sun started to come up. He watched the dark waves eat the sand and Elena's eyelashes flutter in dreams. She was somewhere else again. Her mind was taking her place he'd never imagine. But she was holding him tightly, trusting him she slept. She twitched and moved, as if she were running from something or toward something.

He'd thought of this moment countless times since he'd known her. He'd almost asked to stay the night once, during their fling, but she'd just been so distant that he'd left.

She wasn't so far away now; he reveled in the moment, hoping it was a sign that she'd stick around long enough to let him know what it was like to give his heart away.

* * *

Elena's sixteenth birthday party ended late. The house was messy with foam cups and paper plates with half eaten cake. She crept quietly through the living room, stopping only to smile at Kat curled up in the arms of their dear friend Mason. Those two were in absolute denial, she thought. Her feet were bare, her toenails painted neatly with black and white polish. She was nervous to see Jace for more than the obvious reason. He'd taken Mason aside and talked to him a little too roughly at the party when he'd heard him teasing her. It was all in fun, but Jace was a deadly combination of possessive and careless. She found it sexy then, but she'd grow to hate it later. He didn't want anyone taking what was his but later he'd throw it away easily, as if it was nothing.

When she turned the silver knob to his bedroom, her heart caught in her chest. He was there, shirtless and wonderful, as she'd never seen him before.

"Happy Birthday, baby," he whispered, walking over to her slowly and pulling her closer to his bed. "Is everyone asleep?" She nodded but she'd gone sheet white quickly. "What's the matter? You look sick,"

"Nervous," she admitted. "What if someone comes up here? What if Katherine comes up here? We're not supposed to be doing this….we could get in serious trouble,"

"Oh we could've been in serious trouble for two months now," he pulled her onto his lap. "Look at me," he tipped her chin upward. His voice softened. "You still want to do this, right?"

He'd told her he loved her just days before. It was what she'd wanted to hear. She'd never been in love before, but the thought of keeping Jace to herself was thrilling. He seemed so wild sometimes and so sweet and lost other times. He could be so rough around the edges, but then he'd look at her with the softest of gazes and her worries would melt away. She couldn't _help_ but love him. He needed her, she thought. She didn't see it as controlling; she saw it as need.

"Yeah…" she managed. Her heart was racing. Jace made her happy. She loved spending time with him, as forbidden as Katherine made it feel. She loved laughing with him and teasing him. She loved how very much she wanted to fix him. He was so strong on the outside but so fragile on the inside, she knew. One day he'd break. He'd need her as much as she'd come to need him. She loved him for what he'd quickly become to her...but maybe she just loved being loved.

"And we love each other, right?" he reminded her as he unbuttoned her cardigan and slid it off to kiss the tops of her shoulders.

"But Katherine's room is just down the hall…" Elena whispered, biting her lip. "She's asleep on the couch right now, but maybe we should wait til we know she's not going in there tonight,"

"We'll be quiet. She won't even know. She doesn't have to know. It can be our secret. It can _stay_ our secret until you're okay with everyone knowing," he assured her. "She only sees the bad in me. She doesn't understand me…she wouldn't understand us…." His fingers wound with hers. "But you understand me. That's why I love you. You don't judge me, and no one has the right to judge us," he kissed the crook of her neck again, where he'd left the marks just days ago. "You want to be mine, right?"

"Of course I do," she smiled, affected by his words.

"So let me make you mine. This will be good. This will change everything between us," he whispered.

"You're right," she whispered. "Okay," she inhaled as she felt him unzip her party dress.

* * *

**A/N: I'd first like to say I had "If only she'd met him first" in my chapter before the TVD finale ended, so completely unrelated ;-) **

**So, it's somewhat obvious what happened to Elena, right? But things aren't as simple as they seem. I'd love to hear guesses on this one, so please leave me a review. Next chapter we'll head to Elena's parents house with the trio. Thanks for reading!**


	9. Mona Lisa

**A/N: I've loved the guesses I've heard from the last chapter. This chapter had all kinds of information and tidbits strung throughout the scenes. It is packed with different emotions and so very important for DE. We've been creeping along steadily but we're about to be hit with the first major wave. There's a reason for the massive slam of hints. I want you to know before she actually tells him. **

**Not everything will be 100% clear by the end of the chapter, but I think a lot of you will be on track to at least the start of what happened. Get ready for some heavy moments. **

**This chapter uses The All-American Rejects' "Mona Lisa." Just really love the main line of the chorus. The rest of the song might not be so applicable, but that one line makes it perfect. After you read the chapter, I think you'll understand why I chose it for this one.**

* * *

**All At Once **

**Chapter 8: Mona Lisa **

**"You can sit beside me when the world comes down…"**

"No! No, oh my GOD!"

Damon's eyes shot open as Elena thrashed back and forth in his arms on the beach. His mouth was cottony and his eyes were dry from the salty air and sand.

"No! You can't be…look at me! Open your eyes!," she sobbed in her dreams. "Cade…CADE!" Tears streamed down her frantic face. She hadn't opened her eyes since the night before, but Damon was positive he'd see complete terror when she finally did.

He felt her fear rising quickly and he tightened his arms around her, pulling her closer. Her words hadn't registered with him; he couldn't concentrate on anything but the wild, angry way her body was contorting against his. She was pushing away from something, but she couldn't seem to escape.

"Elena…" he swallowed, frowning when she just kept thrashing her head back and forth and pounding her fists into his chest. He held her more snugly and pressed his lips into the side of her head before he tried to speak again. If _he_ felt so overcome with fear, he couldn't imagine what was running through her mind.

"Lena…you're dreaming. You're fine. You're asleep…just wake up," he whispered calmly in her ear. He decided shaking her wasn't the best idea. She was doing plenty of shaking on her own. Startling her would make it worse. He hoped somehow she'd feel it was him and relax. He didn't know much about calming women down, but he was willing to do anything make her crying stop.

He stroked her hair softly and cringed as she fought it again. It had only been a minute but it felt like forever. "You're okay…" the back of his hand brushed her cheek and her eyes shot open and she gasped at the contact on his warm skin.

She pulled out of his arms quickly as if she didn't know who he was. He felt the instant void and the coolness of the morning breeze against the skin she'd just slept against. He brushed the sand out of his thick hair and reached out to pull her sweat soaked strands away from the corner of her mouth. The rush of the ocean passed through their ears as it had the night before, but there was nothing peaceful this time around.

He was right; her eyes were red and panicked. She hadn't said a word since she'd woken, but she didn't have to for him to know her voice would be broken and weak. He'd seen her cry before... little confused streams had rushed down her cheeks when he'd been a little too sweet or a little too stupid; but he'd never seen her look so empty. Her eyes were glassy, bottomless wells. Her vulnerability was open and free; her tears were flowing and there was no sign of it stopping. She was wordless and desperate and afraid.

She hadn't fallen asleep with a man since Jace and there was a perfectly good reason for that. When she closed her eyes at night, she didn't stop seeing them. She didn't _have_ peaceful nights. Her nightmares were frequent and similar, but the magnitude never eased, even so many years later. It was always Jace, pushing her away, screaming, yelling and begging her to love him…a confused version of the man who'd truly mixed up her young mind. But this time was worse. It was bittersweet. Her other ghost was there, but she hadn't wanted to relive _that_ night to see him again.

She didn't trust anyone enough to sleep next to them all night. Sex was one thing; there was a reason she'd been so quick to rush men out of her house, or rush out of their places once that was over. She never wanted anyone to see her nightmares.

But she'd willingly fallen asleep with Damon the night before and now she was giving him a visual ofjust how damaged she really was. If there had to be someone to witness it, she'd only have wanted it to be him….but not like this. Not before he knew. This wasn't gradual; this was in your face 'hello-I'm-broken-do-you-still-want-me?' and he looked absolutely terrified.

She licked her lips and stared back at him. He was frozen in his spot, his gaze locked with hers. His confidence and swagger was buried in the sand again. He just looked sad and confused.

Her breathing was thick and jagged as she stared at him silently, wanting so badly to purge everything, to finally let someone really _truly_ take care of her and help her.

Her parents, Kat, Mason…they'd all been there years ago. They had opinions from first-hand experience. She didn't _have_ to explain anything to them. But she was young, then. When a decade turned over and she was still waking up in cold sweats every night, she knew their sympathy was not enough. She grew to resent it, to block it. People feeling badly for her wouldn't bring _him _back. She'd never forget. She didn't _want_ to forget. It just hurt so _badly_ to remember. It

She'd stopped really living that rainy June day. She'd stopped loving so easily…stopped trusting, stopped hoping. There was no sense in hoping for a better future because it would never be right without him. The future was bleak and dire now that he was gone. There'd be no rainbow at the end of that storm, just more rolling clouds.

Damon swallowed, unsure of what to say or do. She'd barely blinked, but when she had giant drops of tears fell quickly into the sand below her. His unpreparedness with Chase had nothing on this. She was wordlessly unraveling, begging him to read her mind, it seemed. She needed him to understand the things she just couldn't bring herself to say. His ears were hot and his throat ached. They were the telltale signs he was about to cry, but he'd never felt such buildup. She was lost in there…drowning, wandering _somewhere_ else, and he simply couldn't find her. The moment was endless; it tortured him. He'd have given anything to be what she needed. He knew what it felt like to fail, but this was ridiculous.

Her cheeks were pink and salty with sweat and tears when he crawled over to her on his knees. Her thrashing had felt drawn out and painful. He wasn't sure how long it had gone on before he woke. It had seemed painful and long, but parts of it had been in fast forward. He hadn't taken the time to register her words, but they came back to him slowly. She'd screamed a name.

Cade.

He breathed, but felt a pang of sadness and jealousy in the pit of his stomach. It was selfish of him, he knew, but _he_ was selfish.

She'd never said that name before. She'd never uttered the name of her ex-boyfriend. She said she'd loved him but they'd broken up…but this screaming did not come from an ex-girlfriend. Elena was deeply scarred and broken, it seemed. She'd said everything had happened eleven years ago, but her cries sounded fresh and new. It wasn't the time to ask. He didn't want to see anymore terror in her brown eyes.

He didn't know her ex and it was a damn good thing he was dead. The rollercoaster of feelings he'd just ridden was sickening. He'd been sad and confused and powerless at first, but now he just felt angry. How could someone make someone as gentle and _good_ as Elena feel like _that_? He'd hurt her somehow. There was more to it than just a breakup between teenagers, he was sure of it. He had no idea who he was but if he could see him now, he'd send a swift punch to his face. Violence was _not_ the answer but this was Elena for God's sake. It was hypocritical but he didn't care. The guy had to have been completely stupid and blind not to see what he was hurting. She must really have loved him if he was still able to haunt her after so many years….

As she wiped her eyes, he wondered if she remembered it vividly. Her dream couldn't have just been meaningless and random. She was in another time, he knew. She was reliving the things that sucked the life out of her. His snarky, seductive Elena was gone. Their crazy, random sexcapades seemed ridiculously shallow now that he saw this beautiful, broken woman crying before him. Their arrangement seemed like ages ago now. She'd been right; he never wanted to go back to a time when that was all she was to him.

He'd never felt an absolute need to protect someone like he did with Elena. It had been slowly creeping up on him the whole time but it had been easy to ignore until that morning. Now he was slammed with feelings and it _hurt_. He'd avoided the "L" word for so long because he didn't want to know what it felt like to be so powerless. He barely knew her; it couldn't be love. It wouldn't happen so fast and so easily…not after he'd spent a lifetime preventing it. He was too prepared to just let it blindside him. But if it wasn't love it was in the same realm. The lines were blurred when it came to her. He was okay with that. Whatever it was, it was strong and dangerous. It was a good pain, one he didn't want to lose.

No one would ever look at him like that again. He'd been fighting the need to be loved for so long. But the look in her eyes was marvelous and breathtaking. Despite everything she'd ever said to him, she needed him. She'd always said one thing and done another. This was no exception.

He knew what that made him. It made him his brother…weak, needy. But Elena wasn't Caroline. She was a woman actually _worth_ losing his mind over. It was too late now to worry about labels.

One night in his arms and the wall she'd worked so hard to build was collapsing. One random man who was supposed to be nothing more than any of the others had somehow made her want to really live again. It made no sense. Caring for a man and a boy should remind her of _them_. She should've been miles away by now. But every moment she spent with them only drew her closer to a kinder, sweet version of the life she'd _almost_ lived. It was nonsensical but absolutely wonderful.

He had to do something. The woman with the knowing smile and the rolling eyes had been replaced by this hollow shell. She was stuck somewhere between a ghost and a memory. But when he tried to reach for her hands she shook her head and quickly stood up, breaking the tender moment. Just because she'd let herself go for a little while with him didn't mean she was okay with breaking down in a public place. She had to tell him soon, but they were going to her parents that night and they didn't need any more awkwardness.

"Elena…" He reached up to touch her cheek but she shook her head and smiled. She might be physically with him but she was mentally running again. In an instant it seemed nothing had happened.

"We slept here all night?" She found her shoes and brushed the sand off her knees. Her voice was still shaky but it was clear that she was trying to pretend to be fine. He sighed and closed his eyes, wishing she hadn't just closed off so quickly. As sad and horrifying as it had been, he'd been in love with the moment they'd shared. He could love a moment…just not a woman…

But they'd fallen out of their moment a little too easily. He'd felt clueless about what to do before, but he was really confused now. He decided just to go along with her. It was hardly the time to push her buttons.

"All night," he smiled weakly. "Is your back sore? The sand wasn't exactly supportive. I meant to wake you but I guess I dozed off, too. I'm surprised no one came by and made us go…"

"What time is it?" She rubbed the last bits of dry mascara away from her eyelashes. Waterproof mascara was ridiculous, she decided. She'd cried her eyes out and yet it was still intact. She sighed, willing herself to get her head on straight with him now. He'd probably ask her later, but she'd at least have had time to think about how to properly answer by then.

He scrunched up his face and squinted at his watch. "6 a.m….although it does seem like some sand got in my watch," he frowned as noticed the second hand had stopped ticking. "Yeah, it's probably later than that…" he squinted in the distance when he saw people walking their dogs and kids playing in the sand. He pulled his phone and saw that it was dead.

"It's 11 a.m.," she pulled out her phone.

"We need to get back. I have things to do today," there she was, mentally tying her running shoes, he thought. "I had fun…." She stopped when her phone vibrated. She smiled. "Uh oh, Mom's trying to text again…" She opened the message and read aloud:

"**Dad decided to go golfing on Tuesday. Dinner tonight instead?" **

"Tonight?" he breathed. He'd expected more time to prepare himself. "Hmm…I was hoping to spend the day alone with you…."

He did what he knew. He flirted. It was easier, normal for them.

"We still could for a while," he eyed her. "I was going to leave Chase by my parents … I thought we could go for breakfast and go back to my place and see what happens…or rent out one of these little huts. It's a new day. It's not our first date anymore…" his voice was scratchy from before and the dry sand and salty air. He sounded uninhibited, like he had so many times with her before. She still wanted him, of course she did! Last night she might have taken him up on the offer if he'd begged enough; but not now. Not after he'd seen what he'd seen that morning.

What happened before wasn't normal for them and neither one of them were ready to face it. It had been a beautiful moment but it was torn away with the blink of an eye. He was Damon Salvatore and he always got what he wanted; she just wasn't ready.

"Damon," she stopped. "I said one date. You really think if I wouldn't kiss you last night that I'm going to hop in your bed right now?" She raked her fingers through her hair, knocking more sand out of the waves, and stopped before him.

"Yes, of course you would. It wouldn't take much convincing at all," he smirked, watching her lips. _This_ was what they did. They flirted. They played.

Their silent emotional connection had just been too much for both of them earlier. He didn't want to be alone with those feelings. If she was going to close back up then he'd go back to the side of himself he actually _knew_, too. But his heart would rattle with feelings regardless now. He'd never forget that lost look in her eyes and the feelings it had given him. If she ever looked at him with that much need again, he hoped he'd know how to help her.

Her lips curved up in a smile and she rolled her eyes. As scary and deep as the moment had been earlier, they were okay. She may have quickly hidden her vulnerability, but she was still there.

"I was supposed to get to Mom's at 4 on Tuesday to help set up. We like to visit before dinner, too. That's in five hours. I hardly think there's time for _that_ right now," she teased. "It wasn't that long ago. I still remember the way you work," she arched an eyebrow.

"But if there was," his heart was pounding. He knew he was stupid about it. She'd practically just collapsed in tears before him and he was still thinking about sleeping with her. But just as he couldn't expect her to change overnight, his expectations for himself had to be realistic.

"I don't know," she shook her head and looked at him lightly. "I've learned there's no sense in spending too much time on 'what if's," she started walking again, pulling him along with her. "They don't change anything."

He linked his fingers with hers again as they tromped through the uneven sand.

"Come on. Let's go back. We can get showered and pick up Chase. I have to make that dip now, but that won't take _that_ long, I guess," she was doing it again, busying herself with things to ease the tension. "And you and I _are_ going to have a conversation about how you're going to act around my parents. My dad doesn't want to hear about what you've done or what you _want_ to do to me. Got it?"

"Elena, I am insulted!" He smirked, happy she was lighthearted again. "Look at this face," he pointed to his lips. "And come on, you've heard me talk….I may be inexperienced with the whole meeting the parent thing, but I have presence. They'll love me. I already talked to your Mom and I'm _pretty_ sure I'm already in with her, so…"

"I think our date doubled your ego," her eyes narrowed but she couldn't hold back a tiny smile. "Keep the cockiness to a minimum tonight, please. Mom's been planning our imaginary wedding since you talked to her on the phone. No funny business, I'm serious. You'll be in big trouble,"

"It might be quite nice to be in trouble with you," his lips fell lopsided. "And I've never been one to follow the rules..."

"Do you want to come tonight or not?" She stopped, putting her hands on her hips. "I'm not _joking_ here," she snapped and he frowned. His eyes stilled and he listened. "I like your personality, really. It drives me crazy most of the time, but it's who you are. But please don't mess around with my family, okay? I'm counting on you, here…" she paused. "You're the first guy I've brought home since Jace and they didn't like him,"

_Jace?_ His heart ached. She'd screamed 'Cade' before. Who the hell was Jace?

Her situations seemed messier than he'd thought and he was already in over his head. He bit his tongue before he said a word about it.

"This is a bigger deal than you understand right now, okay? Please don't make this hard on me. It's been years since I've been this close to someone," she admitted and his heart sped up. "I'm not the only Gilbert who's fragile and broken, okay? They're tough but they aren't _that_ tough. I trust you…."

"Of course, Elena," he swallowed. "I was just trying to make you smile. I wouldn't really mess it up. This is a big deal for me, too," he nodded. He'd taken the cocky thing too far. Maybe the panic from before had started to resonate and it scared him, too. The fact that he was so okay with giving her his heart didn't startle him nearly enough. He didn't know where he stood, but that was fine, as long he was standing by her. "I'll be nice, don't worry. And you don't have to worry about Chase, either. He's all bark and no bite. You know how shy he is when he's around new people,"

"Don't make me regret this," she pled as the sadness returned to her eyes as he unlocked his car and opened the passenger side door.

"I brought some extra clothes for myself… you know…back when I was thinking we might…" he trailed off. "So I just need to shower and pick up Chase. Want to just go to your place then and skip the whole separate cars thing?"

"You can pick up Chase while I get ready so he's not caught off guard about going,"

"So that's a yes, then," he turned the key in the ignition.

"Still remember how to make hamburger helper?" She asked, smiling slightly. "It's a key part of my dip. If you're invading my home I'm putting you to work,"

"I like it when you use me," he waggled his eyebrows and clicked his seatbelt before they drove off on the sun- soaked road. They took turns changing the radio station, turning the volume up and down. But about halfway home she found her sunglasses and pulled them down over her eyes, hiding herself from him again. She'd nearly lost it that morning. The dream she'd had was real…green eyes, brown eyes… blood…then absolutely nothing.

But the way Damon had held her and whispered in her ear was new. She'd never had someone there to calm her down as she woke. Maybe that's why she'd been so unsure of what to do or say.

The look on his face had been cautious and sad. She knew she'd screamed; her throat was raw and sore as it had been so many mornings. But she prayed she hadn't said words. She hoped he hadn't heard the things she'd been screaming so loudly in her head.

* * *

The hours at Elena's went quickly. She picked up the house a bit while he went to get Chase and showered as he tried his hand at the dip for her parent's house. He found her in her room an hour before they were set to leave. Her room was bare and he frowned. What kind of bedroom had no pictures in it? It hadn't been so empty when he'd been there before.

His hands skimmed the beige wall next to him and he stopped when his eyes caught on several little empty nails in the paint. His finger went up to one of them, "What's with the blank walls?"

"Oh, I'm in the middle of um, changing pictures out," she answered quickly. "The other ones are old," she tried to shrug it off but he was on to her.

"They were nice, from what I remember from when I was in here before," he remembered seeing her with her parents and her with her friends in high school. They'd been camping in one of them and she was with her dog in another. He didn't remember any of her with a guy…Jace…Cade…whoever…

"So you have _no_ pictures in your room right now?" His eyes cruised along the other walls but he was startled when he saw her nightstand. She had one picture up in a pretty silver frame. It was one she'd taken of Chase and Damon at the baseball game. She watched his eyes widen and her mouth went dry. She was embarrassed, but for absolutely no reason, she knew. They were her friends. All of the other pictures that normally hung in her room had so many more emotions attached to them. He couldn't see them. It was why she switched them out for others when she knew he was coming over. But _that_ picture, the one at the game was different. Her Salvatore boys just made her smile.

But she hadn't been completely honest about the other pictures in her room. She'd hurried in there after they'd gotten back and ripped almost every picture down before he could see them. She'd never had so little time to cover her tracks before. He'd never come over without warning. She'd had plenty of time to switch them out before so he wouldn't see who _really_ lived on her walls. Dogs and friends were easier to explain than _him_.

She was angry with herself for a moment. She felt dishonest and silly. He wouldn't be angry with her for the truth. His attitude on the subject was a little disturbing, but she was nothing like Caroline. She just couldn't tell him because it meant having to face it all over again.

"And you wonder why I have an ego problem, Elena," he smiled, picking up the picture. "You're half the reason,"

"It's a nice picture," she shrugged, taking it from his hands and putting it back on her nightstand. "Don't let it go to your head." But it was too late. It already had. The fact that she wanted to keep them so close to her made him happy. He'd be high on that piece of information for a long while.

* * *

An hour and a half later they found themselves walking through the doorway of Elena's childhood home. She walked in first and was immediately pulled into her mother's arms. She held the dip out for Damon to take as she was squeezed by her dad next. She wore a genuine, attractive smile, he thought. It was nice to see her comfortable with people.

"Oh honey, you look good today," her mom swooned. "You're smiling. What more could I ask for?" Miranda kissed her on the cheek and her eyes quickly went to Damon. Elena was already preparing for the damage control she'd have to do later; she was certain her mother would absolutely embarrass both of them before the night was through.

"And Damon," she held in a squeal. He was just as handsome as he'd been in the picture. Elena pulled herself from her Dad and to stand next to Damon as he stretched out his hand to shake it. "Oh we don't shake hands in this family," she wrapped her arms around him and he smiled at the warm welcome. These were good people, he knew. He was grateful for their kindness but could completely understand Elena's concern. Within a few minutes her mother was saying things like 'family.' They had high expectations for the man who would finally make their baby girl want to love again.

"Mrs. Gilbert, it's nice to meet you. Thank you for letting us just barge in like this," he smiled brilliantly and a tint of color rose into her cheeks.

"Call me Miranda, please honey," she smiled at his charm and elbowed Elena, as he walked over to Grayson. "Even cuter in person," she whispered to her daughter as the men shook hands.

"He can hear you," she whispered loudly back when Damon shot her a knowing smile. "His head's going to explode as it is,"

Elena put her hands on Chase's shoulders and walked him over to them, "And this is Chase, Damon's nephew," she introduced bravely. Her mother eyed her carefully, checking for the tiniest speck of emotions, but quickly pulled him into a friendly hug.

"It's nice to meet you, Chase. How old are you, dear?" Miranda asked.

"Fourteen," he said politely. Now it was Grayson's turn to watch his daughter. Three out of the five beating hearts in the room were pounding sadly, but the two Salvatore men's hearts were completely oblivious. Miranda smiled gently and sighed. "Well I'm glad you were able to come," she clapped her hands together and changed the subject quickly.

"So, I hope you boys like playing pool because Grayson's been itching to play lately and I just don't see the sense," she smiled at Elena, willing her to encourage them to play so they could have alone time. Her daughter's phone call that afternoon had come as a surprise.

"Sounds fun, but if we do teams we're one short," Grayson said laughing at his wife. He knew she was trying to get alone time with Elena, but it was just too fun to tease her about it.

"How about I help mom in the kitchen and I'll come downstairs to play when dinner's in the oven," Elena suggested. "Until then you guys can play darts or something." Damon looked at her with nervous eyes. He wasn't sure he was ready to be alone with her father, but Chase could be a good distraction. "Are you sure you don't need help or something?" He asked her, tugging her to the side for a moment. Miranda watched them with loving, hopeful eyes. She could see the fire he'd created in Elena after just a few months. It looked good on her daughter.

"Behave. No stories about us from _before_. No suggestions that we've already had sex…" she reminded him in his ear. "My dad still thinks of me as a little girl in some ways. He's easy going except when it comes to me. We've got to ease him into this," he kissed her on the cheek when he thought her mom wasn't looking before he walked down the stairs behind Chase.

"Chill out, Mom," she smiled, touching her lips. They'd just been brushed with his evening stubble. "I know what you're thinking, but just calm down," Miranda had that giddy glow on her face again. And even though she knew she could trust him, she knew her mom's heart would break just as easily if something _did_ go wrong. "Don't get overexcited,"

"Is it serious?" she handed Elena a glass of iced tea. "I never thought you'd bring a guy home, let alone a child…" she said quickly. "You went from completely denying you liked him to kissing him in public?" She beamed. "I saw the Dodgers game, Elena. I just didn't want to say anything because I thought you'd freak out," Elena's faced went tomato red in five seconds flat. "But now that he's here…" her voice rose in excitement, "I'm sorry to make a big deal out of it and embarrass you, but I'm just so happy that you're happy…"

"I don't know how serious it is. We just had our first real date last night but I basically ruined it this morning," she admitted. Miranda's eyes widened.

"You were still with him this morning?"

"Please, Mom. I'm thirty years old. Don't look at me like that," she arched an eyebrow. "But for your information it wasn't _like_ that," she swallowed. "We fell asleep on the beach and I had one of my dreams…" she paused. Miranda immediately sensed the mood changing. "And when I woke up I was horrified that he witnessed it. I didn't know what to say or do, so I pretended it didn't happen. I want to trust him. I want to tell him, Mom. I don't have anything to be ashamed of…it's just sometimes his situation reminds me of my situation and it hurts. At first I thought he'd run from _me_ if he realized how hard it is for me to commit, but I've pushed him away so many times and he just keeps pulling me closer," she swallowed. "I'm going to tell him. Soon…I just need his head to be clear and lately there have been things going on with Chase that have really brought him down. I don't want to lie to him, but I'm afraid of taking his attention away from his nephew. And they need each other,"

Miranda smiled at Elena's words. Elena didn't realize it but she was putting someone else first for the first time in ages. For once she wasn't just doing something because she was afraid of what it would do to _her_.

"Damon's clueless in a lot of ways, but he's more of a father than some father's ever were," she said simply, sending the memory to her mother. "So when things settle down a little more, I'll tell him. Until then he's told me he'll be patient. And I believe him. That's why they're here with me today; frankly, I'm sick of hurting. I always will, I know, but it should get easier. Damon's the first person who doesn't always look at me like I'm going to break."

"Just make sure you know what you're doing, Elena. I know I'm ridiculous sometimes with the matchmaking thing, but after all that's happened to you, I still want you to do what makes _you_ happy. If that's Damon, then that's wonderful. But if it's not, well, that's okay, too. You don't have to rush into something just to make me happy,"

"I hardly think 11 years of nothing constitutes rushing, Mom. But thank you for understanding," she smiled as opened the oven door, sliding the casserole dish onto the rack. "Damon made the dip. He's new at the ground beef thing," she smiled, changing the subject, "Keep a napkin handy," she stuck her tongue out.

* * *

They talked for a few more minutes before Elena found herself tromping down the stairs. She felt good after the conversation with her Mom, but nervous to hear what had happened while she was away from the guys. The Dodgers game was on and Chase was leaned against the pool table, sipping a soda and watching the game intently. Damon and Grayson had cracked open a few beers and were talking about the music industry. By now her father probably knew they worked for competing producers. Damon picked up a pool cue and walked over to her, planting a soft kiss on the apple of her cheek. Her eyes locked on her father who was staring back at them carefully.

Grayson wanted his daughter happy, as any man would, but he was slightly more cautious than some fathers. He and Jace hadn't gotten along; they'd been forced to be civil for a time, but when he'd died, Grayson's only reason for tolerating Jace became the same reason he hated him so much.

"What'd I miss?" She sent Damon a warning look but he simply nodded, assuring her he hadn't done or said anything to make her dad unhappy.

"Dodgers are up 5-3 in the top of the sixth," Chase called. "Your Dad just kicked Damon's ass in darts, and…"

"Okay _that's_ an exaggeration. He won by two points," Damon held up two fingers and Elena saw four empty shot glasses and two empty bottles of beer on the bar. She shot her dad a look next and he shrugged. They weren't drunk but she wanted to keep it that way. Chase didn't need to be around that for one, and two she wasn't about to let her Dad get Damon buzzed and start drilling him with questions.

"Finish the one you have, but no more tonight, okay?" She whispered to Damon softly so her father couldn't hear. He nodded seriously. He didn't want to ruin it either. "Okay, teams it is. Who wants to be on my team? Daddy?" she twirled her pool stick around.

"Nope," Grayson shook his head. "We already decided all this while you were up there with your mother gossiping," he winked. Chase smiled at the man's bluntness. It was turning out to be more fun than he thought it would be. "We're splitting the families. You and Damon and me and Chase," he explained. Big surprise, she thought. Miranda wandered down the stairs as their game was nearly over.

"Nice glasses, Elena," Chase laughed, pointing to a picture of her from third grade that hung on the basement wall. "They're bigger than your face," he was having fun and it made her smile.

"Oh, there's no distracting me, sweetheart," she glared at him. "I'm _one_ shot away from taking you down. Stand back," she waved her hands around.

"Dinner's ready!" Miranda yelled, and Elena jumped, missing her shot and sending the back of her pool stick into Damon's beer. It spilled down his shirt and he was left soaked through.

"I'm sorry," Elena rushed over to him. Her face reddened at the feel of his hard chest but she kept herself together.

"Guess I'm going shirtless tonight!" He winked at Chase but Elena's hands went to her hips.

"We're probably close to the same size," Grayson said. "Elena, take him up to our bedroom and let him try on one of my shirts," he laughed. "As much as I like you, Damon, I don't really want to see my daughter gawking at your naked body at my dinner table,"

"Daddy…" she pled for mercy.

"I like this guy," Damon smiled as Elena dragged him up the stairs and down the hallway. Once they were alone he stopped her against the wall. "I like your Dad. He's funny but you were right, he's protective of you. I'm not used to that kind of thing when it comes to Dads. It was a nice change. And I tried to be myself without all the dirty parts," he added. "But I think he suspects we're more,"

"Well all the kissing and eyeballing you're doing to me makes it kind of obvious," she whispered, pulling him into her parent's room. She opened the closet quickly and pulled out a few different dress shirts. One was blue and the other was olive green. "Try these on. I'm going back downstairs to get a read on my Dad. Plus I don't want to just leave Chase down there alone," she said and Damon pouted.

"No!" She laughed. "We are _not_ messing around in my parent's bedroom so stop looking at me like that," she laughed, blushing. "If you want my Dad to _keep_ liking you you'll be dressed and back downstairs in a few minutes." She closed the door behind her, not thinking of what leaving him alone in the bedroom would mean.

He'd see things…important things he didn't know about. But she'd go the whole rest of the night without realizing it. She'd subconsciously stopped wanting to hide it.

Damon pulled his beer soaked shirt white shirt off and pulled on the dark green one first. He eyed himself in the mirror, deciding it was good enough. It was odd to be in her father's clothes, but it was just another sign that the Gilbert's were kind people. His father would've laughed at him if he spilled on himself, he knew. Grayson Gilbert was practically taking the shirt off his back to help a man he didn't even know.

His eyes scanned the walls, hungry for pictures that may let him see a little more of the woman who'd quickly become more to him than he even knew. He saw her as a small girl with pigtails, as a teenager in hanging out with a group of her friends. He smiled at the happy look in her eyes. Doing the math quickly, he came to the realization that they'd all been taken before Jace had died. They looked older than 11 years ago. But as he buttoned the second to last button his eyes caught on a completely different picture. It was a collage frame, off in the corner of the room. There was a picture of Elena and a girl he now recognized as Katherine with a small brown haired little boy. He walked closer to it to get a better look.

The boy looked like Katherine. He had the same brown hair and smile, but there was something familiar about his big brown eyes. There was a big 2000 written in the corner of the photograph. The next picture was of the girls and the boy again, this time at a table with a birthday cake. Elena and Katherine had seemed close. He assumed the child was Katherine's little brother or maybe a nephew. But why would her parents have the picture in their bedroom?

His eyes floated to another small picture close to the center of the collage. It was Elena in her cap and gown, holding the little boy up in her arms. He had her diploma in his hand and was kissing her on the cheek.

Damon swallowed. His brain was sending up red flags but he couldn't process why. Elena was his Godmother or something; he was sure of it. It couldn't be Kat's nephew…he was probably Katherine's son, and from the date on the photo, he was probably in the same class as Chase. He'd never seen a picture of the kid up in Elena's house, but in the pictures she'd looked like he was the entire world. She would've mentioned if she knew someone in the same grade as Chase….

His brain was racing. He wasn't sure he wanted to process what he was putting together. He was overanalyzing, maybe, but that smile and those big brown eyes...Kat and Elena could pass as sisters but her resemblance to the boy was alarming.

But it was the final picture, a large black and white photo of the boy looking lovingly in her eyes that startled him the most. She was an only child. She'd told him that a few weeks ago. It didn't make sense.

"_Cade…Cade…No, Oh my God…"_ her words echoed in his ears but he pushed them away.

He'd had some alcohol and he was probably imagining things…or he was in denial. He didn't have time to decide before she interrupted him.

"What's taking so long?" Elena barged in as he was turning around from the framed picture. "Dinner's ready and everyone's waiting for you. What? Couldn't decide which color you like better?" She rolled her eyes. "You look sexy in green, okay?" She winked, biting her lip as she assessed him, but his was too wordless and confused to properly snark back at her. "Let's go," Her good mood would have normally relaxed him, but now all he could see was two sets of chocolate brown eyes.

He was somewhat quiet through dinner. He answered questions politely and tried to act like nothing was bothering him, but he just kept seeing that picture flash through his mind. When dinner was over and dessert had ended they said their goodbye and hugged her parents. The night had gone surprisingly well; he and Chase were invited to eat dinner there anytime they wanted.

* * *

When Damon saw his nephew do his signature move in the car and pop in his headphones, he turned down the music and looked over at Elena for a moment. They were at a long stoplight and traffic was heavy. She looked tired but content.

"It's been a day, huh?" He smiled, nervously, reaching across the car for her hand.

"Yes," she nodded her head. It was pressed up against the cool glass of her window, as she often rode in the car. "Thank you for coming with, and thank you for everything today. I'm sorry about this morning…" she frowned. "I get like that…have nightmares a lot. It's why I like to run in the mornings to clear my head. I hope I didn't scare you…" she cringed. "I didn't _say_ anything, right?"

"You did," he pressed his lips together tightly, willing himself to be strong. "You screamed a lot and cried…" He decided to leave out the name thing. His brain was too full and he was too tired. "But don't apologize. I felt badly that I couldn't do anything to help,"

"It'll happen again," she said softly. "If I sleep by you again, it'll happen. It happens almost every night. I can't control it," she shook her head. "I can't control anything. I never could,"

"Your ex-boyfriend…"

"Jace," she clarified and his heart sank again. "He controlled me. Even after we broke up he had power over my life. I was in too deep. And the worst part about it is that I used to _like_ that he told me what I could and couldn't do…" her voice broke. "I thought that meant he loved me so much that he'd never hurt me. I thought he was looking out for me," she whispered in the dark. "But looking back on it, I don't think he ever really loved me," she thought of the gentle way Damon held her when she thrashed in her sleep, the kind words he said to her and the careful glances he always sent her way. Jace seemed like a monster compared to him. "I think he just loved controlling me. Maybe that's the reason he just won't stop. He's dead and he's still standing over me every night, Damon."

His heart hammered with that feeling again. He needed to protect her. He needed answers; not because he didn't trust her. Not because he thought she was screwing around with someone else. He needed to know because his heart couldn't handle seeing her breakdown again, like she had that morning. If he knew, he could free her. If he knew, he could help Jace go away.

"I'm sorry, Lena," he blew out some air as they drove, "I'm not like him. I boss you around a lot, but it's all in jest. But I'll stop if you don't like it. I would never demand you do something, you know that, right?"

She nodded, confirming it quickly. She had no doubt that Damon was a far better man than Jace had ever been. "You aren't doing anything wrong," she assured him, then got a whiff of courage. "And about what you said last night…," she admitted, thinking to the fun they'd had at her parents' house and the wave of ease that flowed over her when he was near, "I like you, too."

She was determined to not mess it up this time around. She wouldn't jump into something head first only to find out later that the water was too shallow and she'd just hit the rocks. She wanted to take it slow, but he'd been so wonderful; he deserved to know she cared about him, too…that he wasn't waiting around for nothing.

She was dipping her toe in that ocean now and it felt so warm.

* * *

"What do you _mean_?" Jace walked up to Elena slowly in his dark bedroom, angrily. Each footstep was frightening. There was panic set in his eyes and his voice held a scary edge she'd rarely heard before. "What do you _mean, Elena?"_ He clicked on a lamp and she could fully see his face. Her Adonis was a wreck.

The rugby season was over but his face was cut up and bruised. He had two black eyes and his nose looked broken. She cringed, moving her hand up to touch his face. He was just shocked; he just needed comfort, she thought. She could fix him….

"Why are you all cut up?" she asked softly. But he pulled away from her, pushing her hand away from him roughly. He could be so sweet sometimes and so cruel others. He kept her in line, she thought, when her mind got too sappy.

"Don't…" she cried loudly. "Don't push me, Jace! I love you…I need you and you need me…we're going to be okay…" Katherine heard her friend's voice coming from her brother's room and she stopped. It was slow motion now…she couldn't find the strength to push through the door to stop them. She'd suspected just last week that there was something going on between them when she saw Elena get in his car. She should've acted on it, but every time she tried to remind Elena about Jace she just shook her off and said they were friends. Friends didn't fight like this, Kat knew. She was horrified but couldn't stop listening.

"Were you in a fight again? I thought you said that was just one time?" she bit her lip when his eyes went dark again. "I thought you were done with those guys,"

"Don't change the fucking _subject_, Elena!" he yelled. "Answer the question. What the hell do you _mean_?" He grabbed her shoulders and stared into her eyes.

She should've been terrified. She should've run out the door and never repeated herself. But the damage was done. She should've never slept with him in the first place. Once she had he'd tightened his hold on her. He'd gotten angry every time she talked to another guy…even Mason. He wanted her eyes only on him, but he wouldn't admit to anyone that they were together. She was pretty, but she was young. He was far too cool to be dating a sixteen year old…

His sweetness couldn't overcome the rest of him. He'd cared about her. She believed he had a good side because she'd seen it before. She would've never fallen in love with someone so dangerous if he hadn't been the devil disguised as an angel.

"Tell me! _Tell_ me you're lying!" he shook her shoulders roughly.

"Settle down. Calm down," she pled as she tried to pull away. "You're hurting me!" She screamed. "Stop it!"

No matter how twisted their relationship had gotten since they'd had sex two months before, no matter how _bad_ he'd become and how demanding he was sometimes, she'd never escape. She was in love with a bad boy. He was poison but he was all she knew. She'd been too stupid to listen to her friend's warnings, and now they were stuck together. Forever. Love wasn't so sweet anymore.

"I'm only going to ask you one more time. What. Do. You. Mean, _Elena?_" he barked as Katherine finally pushed through the door in time to hear Elena cry,

"I mean what I said, Jace," she swallowed. "I'm pregnant,"

* * *

**A/N:** **So yeah**.** It was an emotional chapter for me to write**. **There are still a lot of little details we don't know, and those will come in the next few chapters. There are more Jace and Elena scenes to come with a little more insight as to just how bad their relationship got before it ended. And we'll see the aftermath of their relationship that Elena was talking about, too. **

**In a lot of ways she truly wishes she could just have a normal situation with Damon. Her hesitation is still there its. Damon was so unprepared for everything at first, but he's been the one pursuing her this whole time. Finally in this chapter we see him struggling with what his feelings for Elena mean. He fears falling in love with her would make him his brother, but he's slowly realizing his perception of real love might be a tad off. Elena realized the same thing, too. She's beginning to think she never really loved Jace to begin with.**

**And Chase is in the middle, holding them together. He's about to play a big role in their lives again soon, so watch for that. **

**I'm always curious to hear thoughts, but I'm super curious about this chapter in particular. You'll see what I mean by the end. Please leave a review and let me know what you think and any further guesses you may have. Thanks for your time. **


	10. Beautiful Disaster

**A/N: Another long chapter packed with all sorts of emotion. There are several big moments between different characters, and I am excited to hear thoughts on those. **

**This chapter uses Kelly Clarkson's 'Beautiful Disaster.' It's an absolutely beautiful song that I fell in love with somewhere around 2005. If you haven't heard it but would like to, you should listen to the live version. It's much better. Just ignore the screaming people like I do. **

**Curious to hear opinions on this one. Thank you all so very much for the amazing feedback for the last chapter. I hope to hear from you all again. It was so fun to read what you enjoyed and hear what you think is going to happen.**

* * *

**All At Once**

**Chapter 9: Beautiful Disaster**

"An anteater!" Damon yelled, setting his soda on the table. He scooted to the edge of the couch enthusiastically.

Elena shook her head and tried again. He laughed as she raised and lowered her arm near her head. "You're a cockatiel's crest! No...you're a sexy vacuum cleaner attachment!" His eyes widened and then narrowed teasingly.

"What's wrong with you?" She scrunched up her face and laughed.

"Hey! No talking!"

"Damon, you're awful at this game..."

"What? It's charades, _Elena_. You could be anything," he shrugged and held in his own smile.

"You're trying too hard," she put her hands on her hips when he started walking toward her slowly until her back was pressed into the bookcase against his living room wall. His hands went to the outsides of her bare thighs. He could appreciate her choice of outfit; shorts were a good look on her.

"Oh, I've known the entire time what you were trying to be, Elena," he said close to her face. There was that wanton smile again. "I just like seeing you flail around," he teased and pushed her hair away from her ear as he always did before something amazing came from his lips. Moments like these reminded her how very multi-dimensional Damon Salvatore really was. He tempted her with the most simple of movements. A gaze, a brush of his hand on her neck… his stupid eyebrow thing…

So when his lips stayed near hers for a little longer than normal she could no longer fight his magnetic pull. She was half an inch away from kissing him when she saw his tasty, soft lips go lopsided. Her heart stopped for a moment when she realized what she wanted to do. He'd distracted her quickly. Her fingers were curling around the fabric of his thin t-shirt, pulling him closer without realizing it. His shoulders were strong and it had been far too long since he'd tried to remind her of that. She didn't want to remember _why_ she couldn't just let herself go so easily. She wanted to be normal, for just one day. She wanted to be with him as if nothing had ever broken her heart. She wanted to block the part of her memory that told her she wasn't allowed to love again.

So for a moment, she completely forgot what was going on around them. But he was Damon. He was charming and dangerous and fun. He'd break her spell with the most basic of words. She felt his hot breath inches from her face when he whispered, "Elephant."

"What?" she whispered. Had she really forgotten already? She swallowed when he pulled back, smiling wickedly.

"An elephant. That's what you were acting out, right? You know…_charades_…that _game_ we were playing before you got all hot and bothered…" _insert eyebrow thing_, she thought.

"Yeah, but…" her cheeks were hot when he moved closer again. "Well I thought you were…just now when we…" she was mumbling. She'd wanted to kiss him. One more second and she would've given in, but like always, the moment had changed. She hadn't been the _only_ elephant in the room.

"Elena!" He said loudly, teasingly, "Chase is right in the other room!" Her eyes widened when she realized he could probably hear the whole thing. "I can_not_ take you in my BEDROOM! But I'll take a raincheck…"

"Shhh, Damon!" she pled. "He'll hear you!"

"What?" He shrugged and shot her a soft smile. "Am I embarrassing you?" he ran the back of his hand across her pink cheeks when she stayed on his eyes and nodded, releasing an overwhelmed sigh. "And I doubt he can hear us," he reassured her. "I'm sure he has his headphones in. When doesn't he?"

Chase had told them he was too tired to play Charades. He'd looked sad and exhausted so they'd let him be. It was unlike him to keep his distance. Something was going on but he wouldn't tell them. It worried them, but he was a teenager; his attitude changed all the time. So they'd taken it in stride and welcomed the alone time.

"But I can see where you were going with this…so like I said, I'm down for another time," he breathed, "Somewhere that he _couldn't_ hear,"

"Maybe," she swallowed, straightening her shirt out. She was too wound up to hide her needs now. They were clear. Neon lights blinking "fuck me" flashed in her eyes. She'd often been sad and afraid, but he wouldn't forget these hungry looks that had drawn him to her in the first place. She was fun and wild. It hurt to know there was something keeping her from always smiling as brightly as she was just then.

His phone buzzed and he frowned. Their moments were always put on hold, he thought. But when he focused on the screen, his blue eyes darkened and filled with anger. "Blocked number. It's him…"

Elena swallowed and scrunched up her eyes. She was back on earth again the second he sounded upset. She didn't really need clarification. There was only one man who would bring _that_ edge to Damon's voice.

"Stefan," he clarified before pressing the ignore button. He slammed his phone down on the counter and angrily ran his hands through his hair, willing himself to calm down. It wasn't the first time his brother had tried to call him since he'd been in prison. Elena's heart ached for him, for Chase.

"He tried calling two days ago," he told her. She knew he was angry, but he almost sounded sad.

"Does Chase know?" She frowned.

"No… and I don't want him to. I'm just so sick of this, Elena…" When he turned his head to look at her, she saw something foreign in his usually carefree pools.

Moments ago he'd been so playful and happy. There was always so much fire and fun flickering in his eyes; just looking at him made her feel free. But there was so much more to him than he let on. He was strong but he wasn't indestructible. It was his turn to be haunted by a past he couldn't seem to shake. But even this angry version of Damon was tender compared to Jace.

He pressed his hands onto the countertop and stared at his phone, waiting. Elena walked behind him and slid her hands up his back to his shoulders. She worked her hands over his tight muscles without saying a word. And he'd just started to relax again when she heard his phone buzz. He stiffened and her arms dropped to wrap around his stomach, pulling him close to her. Instinctively she pressed her forehead into the middle of his back and closed her eyes, waiting for the fallout.

It buzzed once…twice…but by the third buzz he straightened up and answered, leaving Elena alone and powerless across from him.

Now his words from the Dodger game and the beach flashed through her mind, "_Stefan was my hero when I was a little boy… I didn't think I'd ever find a better person than my brother,"_

Elena swallowed dryly.

Damon was being chased by a living ghost, by the brother he'd loved and admired. He wasn't just angry, she knew. He was still completely devastated and disappointed in the way things had turned out. _"I was supposed to have an automatic friend for life…."_ his sad voice echoed in her memory as she watched it play out in real time before her. _"I'm the only one who sees what's really going on in this family…"_

He'd said he was purely negative about his brother, but he'd also told her how many times he'd begged him to listen and come to his senses. A part of him was still that little boy who waited for his brother to get home from school so they could play baseball.

His eyes were cast down at the floor but she watched and waited for the moment he'd look at her again. She wanted him to see she was really there this time. His wild emotions wouldn't push her away anymore. She wanted to be there for him.

Time ticked in slow motion. He inhaled sharply. "Stop calling here," he bit into his phone. The volume was up and she could hear his brother on the other side. Damon was staring out the window, his back to her. He didn't want her to see this side of him. He was supposed to be strong and brave and careless. He wasn't supposed to give a shit about his brother.

They _got_ each other, he knew. If he let her look into his eyes she'd see that he wasn't all those brave things he pretended to be. She'd run the last time he'd seemed so wrecked; when he'd begged her at the club to go home with him. Things were better with them now, stronger. But how could be the things she needed if he could barely stand on his own two feet when his brother called?

"I'm not calling for you," he emphasized. "I want to talk to him. Put Chase on the phone,"

"Hell no," Damon laughed bitterly.

"You don't get to decide what he does. He's not _yours_,"

"He's mine right _now_," his fists balled and Elena's heart pumped faster, harder. She hadn't felt _that_ feeling in ages; maybe never. Her stomach was warm and jumpy with joy. She _was _proud of him. Damon was protective of the boy. She could hear his love for Chase and sadness in his voice for what his brother had done. No matter what he said, he knew what he was doing with the kid. Chase wasn't just his brother's mess anymore; he was a link to the part of his family he'd thought he'd lost.

"Don't start with me. You can't keep me from my own son. I'm his father," Stefan was louder, desperate now. "He needs me, Damon,"

"You should've remembered that before you decided to kill someone," he yelled. Elena kept her distance, watching him unravel slowly. He was fighting for his family. Whether or not Stefan knew it, he was fighting _for_ him. He was holding him accountable for once, as no one else had, she thought. He'd never see what he was missing if everyone told him he was right or let him off the hook easily. Damon was the voice of reason. It was beautiful.

"I can still talk to him!" Stefan's voice vibrated Damon's phone now. "I know I never spent time with him…I've been thinking about that…" Elena's head spun with wicked memories. His words were too harsh, too familiar. She swallowed, holding back tears. She wanted so badly to be strong for Damon, but sometimes it just got too hard.

"Stop calling here, Stefan. You didn't care to talk to him until I said you couldn't. Now you'll have to wait and hope he forgive you by the time you get out," he breathed. "Stop being selfish and leave him alone. Let him be happy. Let him be a kid for God's sake. If you really wanted what's best for him you'd let him be for a while,"

"You don't understand, Damon. I need to talk to him…there's more to it…" he whispered harshly into the phone. "It's not what it seems. I need to explain it to him, or you, if you won't let me talk to him. Come on, Damon…" But Damon couldn't process the suggestion behind his brother's words just then.

"It's too late to start that bullshit now, Stefan," she watched him turn and lean his back against a think table in front of the window. "You're in prison. You pled guilty. Whatever you're telling me now doesn't matter. It's too late. Do us all a favor and take responsibility for something…just _once_," he hung up the phone and shook his head. He stared at his phone again, as if he expected to feel it vibrate again. But when it didn't, he looked up into Elena's eyes.

Stefan still had the power to hurt him. He'd always wish things were different between them. Damon was hard shell with a gooey interior when it came to his family. He didn't often admit that to himself, but moments like this reminded him he wasn't as immune as he'd like to be. He yelled because it was easier. He'd do anything not to cry.

Elena sent him a soft, appreciative look as she walked to the table slowly. He was frozen, affected. When she reached up to touch his stubbly cheek, he released a breath he'd seemed to be holding for minutes.

"Chase loves him, Elena," he sighed. "He knows what his father did was wrong, but he's just a kid. He's sad. He shouldn't _have_ to deal with this…but I can't just let them talk. It's too much. He's going to fool him into thinking he actually wants to be there, and Chase is so desperate for his father's attention that he'll believe it. I get it because that's how it was with my Dad the few times he showed me affection. I can't have him so mixed up. Does that even make sense?"

"Of course it does," she smiled. The look in his eyes suggested he was speaking about himself, too. "You're disappointed again…and it's okay,"

"Not really. It means I'm still hung up on it. I should be over the fact that Stefan's an idiot by now," he wished he could just be angry. It would be much more manageable.

"It means you love your family and you refuse to stop. There's nothing wrong with that. You can be disappointed,"

"And angry," he added. "I could never get through to him and now it's too late. It makes me angry that he thinks he can do whatever he wants. And then he tried to play the nice brother card. What the hell was that?" Her hand dropped from his face and secured both of his hands in hers, locking their fingers.

"He said something…he said things weren't as they seemed," she tested the words, afraid she might upset him more. "Is there a chance he's telling the truth?"

"He says a lot of things, Elena. It doesn't mean anything. He's panicking now, and he should," he shook his head. As much as he wanted to believe it, he couldn't. He wouldn't let his brother have that power over him again. "What I don't get is why he's so anxious to talk to Chase if he's the one that called the cops on him. It's strange,"

"You'd think he'd be angry…" she said slowly. "Chase must've testified. That can't have gone well,"

"You'd think. But I don't really know the details of all that. Chase told me called. He never told me what happened when the cops got there and I didn't ask. I was lucky to get what I did from him. When it happened I wasn't ready to hear it. My Mom tried to talk to me about it once but I made her stop before we got all the way through. Maybe Stefan's just getting in my head again, but I can't help but feel like I'm missing something here."

"Something's off," she frowned in agreement. "Maybe we should ask Chase. It might be best to know what he's up against. We could keep it vague. If Stefan's tried calling before, he'll probably call again. He'll probably keep calling until he gets what he wants,"

"I don't think he cares enough to do that," he said sadly.

"Sometimes people are more persistent than you'd think," she sighed, a memory floating in her mind. "It's best to not be naïve about this. We don't know the whole story. Just keep it in the back of your mind,"

He swallowed, upset at the idea. "Regardless, it's not a good idea. Chase might be angry with me if he finds out I'm keeping his father from him, but I have to do what's best right now. I can't worry about later…" she disagreed but who was she to push?

"Okay," she said. She was probably already too involved as it was. "Come on…" she tugged his hand toward he hallway and smiled, lightening his mood again. "Let's go get Chase and make him play Charades with us. I'm sure he'll be much better at guessing than you are,"

Damon heaved a sigh and smiled appreciatively at the woman before him.

She was amazing, he thought. But things were rolling through his mind…pictures…memories of her screaming and of the way she'd been so good with Chase. He'd thought it was instinctual for women but now he felt there was more too it.

He could only pretend to not have seen those pictures for so long. There was a _reason_ she always knew what to do. She'd done it before, he thought. Now that he'd let his mind wrap around those images in her parents' house, he couldn't help but dream up wild scenarios. It was a blur and it hurt too much to think about what must've happened to the little brown eyed boy, so he willed himself to stop.

He wasn't angry with her for not saying anything; he just wanted to help her. Her stance on love made a little more sense than it had before, but there was more to it. She might be hiding it from him for now, but he was hiding what he knew, too.

Maybe he was wrong, but that sinking look in her eyes said it all. She'd lost someone...really lost someone. He wouldn't ask and she wouldn't tell. And so it sat on both of them for a little while longer.

They were Damon and Elena. They were playful and fun…two people whose favorite escape was each other. He held onto that. It was more than he'd ever dreamed of having.

But there was no trace of a cocky smirk on his face now. He was in complete awe of the woman who made him feel so many new things.

"Thank You," he sounded genuine and real. He watched her for a moment before he motioned to knock Chase's door.

"Wait," she grabbed his hand and he turned to face her. In an instant her hands were winding in the back of his dark hair and she was kissing him slowly and fully. It wasn't the sensual kiss they'd shared so many times before. It wasn't full of tension and mystery. It was sweet and comforting; a sense of home he'd never felt from her before. She was showing him the things she could not say. She was there for him. She wouldn't run. Hewasn't alone at all; he could count on _her._

After a moment she released him and sent him a sweet, warm smile. He nodded, breathless. She'd completely floored him. She'd caught him off guard and he absolutely loved it. He lost himself in the absolute serenity of her eyes. He took a mental picture in case she never let him in that way again. It was too amazing to forget.

"_Now_ we can go," she whispered as she tapped her knuckles against Chase's door. Each day that passed added more clarity to that indecipherable feeling inside of Damon. He didn't want to let her go.

"Come on Chase," he called, "Elena's sick of being alone with me," he waggled his eyebrows and smirked at her. There he was again, happy and free. "That and her charades skills are really horrible. Get out here and show her how it's really done."

It didn't take much convincing. He was up and running around with Damon in moments. She watched them happily as she sorted out what that moment meant for her.

She was sad when he was sad, happy when he smiled. They'd grown together, but there was still so much between them. Her secrets were holding her back. They were preventing her from completely falling. If there'd been on Jace, if there'd been no heartbreak she'd already be Damon's. She'd have fallen hopelessly and wonderfully into his arms the moment they'd met. They'd never have been _just_ sex; she needed the other parts of him, too.

The way he'd looked in her eyes after he'd been on the phone with his brother was akin to their connection on the beach. It hadn't been a one-time thing at all. It was less scary this time…maybe because it hadn't been her soul ripped open for him to see.

And then there was Chase. The love she'd amassed for this young boy was startling at times. They'd shared moments she'd never forget, as silly and goofy as they'd been. There would be more moments; deeper, sadder ones ahead that she couldn't imagine.

They'd each have their turn at planting themselves in Elena Gilbert's heart. Damon's was steady and slow and delicious. Chase's had been gradual and simple thus far, but his emotions were coming, she was sure.

That would be harder. Real, hard emotions from the boy would remind her of what she'd never have. She'd learn to do it, she knew. She wanted to be there for him. But it would happen sooner than she expected. There'd be no time to prepare for the feelings he'd produce inside of her.

* * *

Chase pumped the pedals of his bicycle down the streets of Los Angeles. It was 4:30 and he'd just gotten out of a quick baseball practice after school. His backpack swayed back and forth against him as he finally pulled up in front of his destination. His face was smudged with dirt and sweat, but shaded by his dusty red baseball cap. He jumped off his bike and ran up the porch steps to knock on the door.

When the door opened he wasn't met with who he expected to see. He checked his phone. She should be home by now, he thought. "Um, is Elena here?" he tipped his hat up and wiped the sweat off his forehead with his hand. Andie cringed and shook her head.

"You must be Chase," she'd seen the picture in Elena's room, but she hadn't been home the few times they'd come over. "Elena should be home any minute. Is she expecting you?"

"No," he stared inside the house, hoping she'd invite him in. She frowned as she watched him scan her over flirtatiously.

"Okay, well I suppose it's okay if you want to wait for her," she slid to the side as he walked inside quickly. He went to the fridge and found a pitcher of lemonade. She watched him with curiosity. He knew where the cups were? "So…"

"We don't have to have a conversation. I'm fine waiting by myself," he said quickly. He hoped Elena would hurry home. He hadn't told Damon where he was going, but if it got to be too late, he'd have to at least text him. He wasn't about to rock any boats.

He plopped down at the table and downed a medium sized glass of the cold drink. He'd been to Elena's house just twice before, but she'd made him feel at home.

"Right. Just…stay in here. You're all dirty and I hate cleaning as it is," she said awkwardly before she left the room. He looked down at his muddy shoes and his face fell into a crooked frown; he'd traipsed mud from the front door, through the hallway and into the kitchen. Good thing there wasn't carpet! Worried that Elena would be upset, he wet a washcloth he found on the sink and bent down to wipe up the dirt. Elena walked in just as he'd reached the front door. He looked down at the washcloth embarrassedly. He hadn't finished in time.

"Chase," she sounded surprised but happy to see him. She hadn't even noticed the dirt. "What's going on? Is Damon okay?" She pulled her phone out to check for messages. She hadn't talked to Damon since the night before, but nothing had seemed unusual about him. She set her purse on the counter and grabbed some carrot sticks out of the fridge before she finally got a good look at the boy. He was in his jersey, baseball pants and socks. His shoes were shoved in the corner on a floor mat.

"I got mud on the floor," he said quietly. "I tried to clean it up but…sorry,"

"Oh who cares about a little mud?" She smiled. "You just got out of practice and you rode your bike over?" He nodded. "Does your uncle know?"

"No," he swallowed before he poured himself another glass of lemonade. He saw the confusion in her eyes and figured he should explain the reason for his visit. "Damon said I could talk to him about anything. Can I, um, talk to you, too?" He scrunched up his sweaty face and Elena smiled. She wet another wash cloth and handed it to him to clean up.

"Of course you can," She heard his stomach growl and he smiled, embarrassed.

Elena walked to the fridge and pulled out some lunch meat and cheese and quickly assembled a sandwich for him, "Lunch was a while ago and you look like you had a pretty rough practice," she plated it and set it before him.

"Thanks," he bit into the sandwich gratefully and she sat down across from him and poured herself a glass of the sweet drink, too. Her usual routine of showering after work and changing clothes could wait; this moment couldn't. What had once been gentle, barely noticeable tugs at her soul had now become full blown pulls. Her fragile heart ached and swelled with love at the same time; this situation was so bittersweet. She'd quickly grown to love Chase, but he would never be her son. Simple moments like these were but a wish never granted with Cade.

When her walls would've once shot up, they stayed down now for this hungry, lost boy. He'd never replace him. She couldn't live her life forever pretending nothing had happened. She could love and miss Cade and still love this boy, as long as she kept them separate. The minute they blended was the minute she'd lose it all over again.

But Chase was sweet and he didn't deserve to be abandoned by anyone else. He'd unknowingly wriggled himself into a part of her heart that she thought was permanently closed. He knew nothing more than what she told him, but he looked at her with complete trust and belief. That was rough.

For years she hadn't wanted to be responsible for anyone but herself. But now he was about to ask her, a woman he'd known for just a few short months, for advice. She'd become someone he could depend on; that warmed her.

She'd been self-centered for a while, she knew. In some ways she still was. Damon's story of only trusting himself had an awfully familiar ring to it. And while he hadn't been personally affected by love gone wrong, he'd still hid from it as effectively as she had. They were the same in many ways; maybe that's why they bickered so well. But the squabbles had lessened and it had become easier to see why it felt so right to be with him.

"So…what's up? What brings you here today?" She bit into a carrot stick.

Chase finished the last bite of his sandwich quickly. He'd gone there to talk to her…he couldn't chicken out now. She was _just_ Elena, he reminded himself. She was his friend. He liked her, and Damon liked her. There was no better person in the world to ask, and if there had been, he probably still would've picked her.

She was kind and pretty. She never looked at him like he was a screw up as many adults in his life had; his grandfather included. His subconscious worked overtime to hide the reasons why he felt nervous; it hurt too much to remember why he'd never really had a serious conversation with his mother. Then again, Caroline wasn't the type of person to ask for advice. Her decision making was poor; he'd trust a stranger to lead him in the right direction over his own mother. But the woman across the table from him was no stranger; she was Elena. She'd never steer him wrong and she'd never lie to him. _That's_ why he was at her kitchen table.

"It's about a girl," he said slowly, fidgeting with the bill of his cap. "Natalie,"

Elena inhaled. So it was one of _those_ talks. She wasn't sure she was qualified to dish out relationship advice. She was a train wreck when it came to deciphering feelings. But she licked her lips and listened. He'd chosen her for a reason, she knew. She couldn't turn him away.

"That's a pretty name," she smiled but when his cheeks brightened she backed off, realizing she'd embarrassed him. "Have you talked to Damon about her?"

"God no," he laughed. "I can ask him about _some_ things when it comes to women…if you know what I mean," he winked.

Oh, she knew what he meant, but the thought of them of Damon teaching him about that kind of thing was more than she could handle at the moment. "But not real girl stuff," he finished.

"Why not?" She frowned. Their date had been wonderfully sweet, she thought.

"Do you even have to ask that question?" He blurted out, smirking. "He's a complete idiot when it comes to women. I don't know how you put up with him," he laughed.

_Put up with? More like worship at the temple that was Damon Salvatore,_ she those were completely inappropriate thoughts for that moment, so she searched her mind for other thoughts on Damon and she easily found those butterflies in her stomach she'd grown to love.

"I don't think he's so bad," she said, smiling. He heard her voice soften.

"That's because you're too goo-goo eyed around him to realize it," he teased.

"What? I am not!" She scrunched her eyebrows and felt the heat rising to her cheeks.

"Oh, _Damon_ I like you _toooooo_," his voice went sing-song and he batted his eyelashes and pretended to gag. "You're 'friends;" he threw up air quotes, "Please! You two are so obvious,"

"You weren't supposed to hear that!" She frowned but she couldn't hide the smile that wanted so badly to play on her lips. Chase brought a lot of sunshine to her life. "Were you even listening to music at all?" Oh, he'd called her out.

"I was between songs," he shrugged. "But _anyway_…" he cleared throat. "There's this dance coming up and I think she wants me to ask her," he seemed a little more confident now that he'd made Elena blush about his uncle. "I would, but I think Jeremy likes her, too…you know the cherry bomb guy…" he paused. "I don't want to start anything else. I just don't know what I should do or how to ask her if I do. You're a girl…you know what girls like…"

She smiled to herself. He was too adorable sometimes, and _yes_ she did know what girls liked. She knew what she liked; a good, honest man with just a touch of danger…_safe_ danger. Someone who could both comfort her and make her lose her mind in need…snarky and sweet, someone who pulled the emotions out of her, even the ones that hurt the most. So many qualities fit into just one man. She knew what she wanted. She wanted Damon Salvatore.

Chase was staring at her now and she realized she'd completely zoned out. He was right, she _was_ goo-goo eyed. She swallowed and smiled at him. "So, do you like her or are you just asking her out because she wants you to?"

"Well, she's pretty," he shrugged, "She's nice. I think I like her. I got mad when Jeremy tried to make me look bad in front of her," he tipped his head back and forth in debate.

Much like Damon, Chase hadn't had the best examples of healthy relationships. She and Damon were as hot and cold as it got, and his parents' situation was a prime example of what _not_ to do. No wonder he was confused.

"And it's just a dance, Elena," he clarified.

"That's great if you like her," she smiled. "Asking her to the dance is sweet, Chase, but I'll let you in on a little secret," she rested her elbow on the table and put her chin in her hands. "As much as she may _say_ it's just a dance, it might not be," her head flashed with memories of her own life of 'justs.'

It had been _just_ sex with Damon…the word "just" had been a way to make things not seem like such a big deal when they really were. It was the most dangerous adverb she'd ever used.

It had been _just_ a Rugby game, too. It was just a party. Then just sex. Then…

Her eyes widened. She was _definitely_ not the one to talk to about decisions.

But she couldn't base everything she knew about teenage relationships on her own naivety. It wasn't the same situation at all, but there was one thing she needed him to know. If she'd learned one thing from her Jace experience, it was that honesty was always the best policy. Ignoring the truth made things so much worse.

"If you're going to ask her to the dance but you don't know if you really want to be anything more with her, you need to tell her that right away. Girls, _women_ sometimes get carried away when guys are nice to them," she thought of Jace's handsome smile, how much she'd loved the attention he gave her. "You wouldn't want to lead her on," Chase wasn't the only one benefitting from her advice.

Had she led Damon on at first?

"I don't want to hurt her feelings. I mean, I might like her," he shrugged, focusing her again.

"Trust me when I say it'd be better to hurt her feelings and be honest about your uncertainty than to lie to her and make her believe you want to keep her around," she sighed.

"Okay…" he frowned. "You sound sad now," he turned his empty glass in circles with his thumb and index finger. "Sorry,"

"I'm okay," she smiled softly. Talking to Chase made her remember what she'd lost. She'd never _get_ this moment with Cade. She'd never talk to him about the right way to treat women, or about dances or growing up. She'd held onto the moments she'd had with him…conversations about Bob the Builder and Thomas the Tank. They were silly, fun conversations that she hadn't realized were so amazing until she couldn't have them anymore.

She got these moments with Chase, but he wasn't her son. He wasn't Damon's son. Her mind flashed to that phone call Damon and Stefan had shared. It had been a kick to the gut. After it had actually resonated with her, she'd realized they'd both quite possibly been playing house when it came to Chase. One day he _would_ go home.

She'd willingly welcomed him into her life. She'd cared for him almost immediately. But what happened when he left? Stefan would be in prison for a while. Caroline was a drug addict and that didn't seem to be changing. Damon would probably have him for until he was at least 18…but then what? He'd go home?

And four years….what made her think she'd even still be a part of their lives in four years? She was spinning again; her mind was getting ahead of herself. Way ahead. Four years ahead. She swallowed. This was serious, she realized. She'd have to deal with it later when there wasn't an impressionable fourteen year old boy who expected her to give him the right answers about life.

"But if you decide to ask her, you should do it privately. It should be about you two, not some big scene. And if you don't want that kid getting in your face about it, you better make a decision quickly," she swallowed. "And don't fight anymore…I know you talked to Damon already but this is from _me_," she said and he felt his eyebrows dip in surprise.

She'd been quick to tell him right from wrong before, but this time seemed different. They were closer now than they had been when she'd made him apologize for the cherry bomb. She wasn't just Damon's girlfriend…friend…whatever, he thought. She was more than that. She was the reason he actually had faith in women.

"Fighting is completely unattractive. Girls say they want a bad boy, but they don't know what they're talking about. They might want a little edge, someone who isn't boring…I'm not saying you should sit around and play chess all day and start wearing pocket protectors," she was rambling now. She frowned, pulling her focus back to center when he looked confused. "I'm just saying…you won't get anywhere by fighting. You're a smart kid. I've seen those papers on the fridge. You get good grades, you're a good guy, Chase." she smiled. "You don't need to prove anything,"

"They _know_ Elena," he swallowed. "They know about my family. I hate that. No matter where I go, my past comes with me. I can't get rid of it," he muttered. She knew the feeling. She could talk 'til she was blue in the face about reputations and teenage perspectives but he wouldn't really understand until he lived it. He'd make mistakes and learn on his own. That was fine, as long as it wasn't the same mistakes she'd made.

"They shouldn't know," she frowned. "But they do. Now it's up to you to prove them wrong. Show them you aren't those things, Chase. You aren't a fighter, are you?"

"No. I made a mistake. I don't like hurting people,"

"And you don't do drugs," she reminded him. "Right?"

"Of course I don't," he answered quickly. "I would never,"

"Then you aren't your parents, Chase," she said softly. She could tell from the shift in his eyes that she'd said exactly what he'd needed to hear. He'd always known he was afraid of it, but it had never come out so eloquently from someone before. Damon had told him he didn't want him to turn out like them. He'd suggested it, but he'd never looked him in the eyes like Elena did and made him actually believe it. She thought she saw his eyes water but she pressed on. His tears would break her heart but she knew he needed to hear those words. "_You_ have to believe that before you can make others believe it," she finished.

He was oblivious; he'd never have guessed that her only wish was to have this conversation with her own little boy. A switch flipped in his mind; a light turned on. He loved his parents but he could love other people, too. One day maybe they'd be ready to listen to him, but he didn't have to wait forever. He'd been right to go to Elena. He didn't have to be so tough all the time. He didn't have to be alone. It was okay to need people. It didn't mean he was weak.

He wanted to do what was right and he wanted to make Elena happy. She'd done a lot for him and his uncle. She made things fun and easy when they might have been awkward. She paid attention to him but wasn't overbearing. He loved Damon and Damon was happy when _she_ was happy.

He smiled. "You're smart, Elena," he said simply afraid his voice would squeak if he said much more. But she knew he meant more. She wouldn't forget that moment and neither would he. It'd never be Cade, but her heart had room for Chase, too, for as long or short as he wanted to be there.

"And never mind what that girl wants. What do you want?" She was on a roll now. She'd been a teenage girl but she'd mothered a little boy for three years. She'd had dreams for him, wishes. People too often made boys feel like they had to be the tough, unemotional ones, but not Elena. If Cade had been alive she'd have wanted him to be happy, no matter what. "You're young, Chase. You're just getting adjusted here and you're getting into your baseball stuff. If you like this girl, I'm glad for you, but I also know you have plenty of time to worry about impressing girls,"

"I know," he smiled. "But I like girls. I can still like the other stuff, don't worry,"

"Okay," she sighed. In one ear and out the other. "Just make sure you do what you want to do and not what everyone else wants you to do….as long as it's sensible and right. That's all I want for you, to be happy. Just don't be in a hurry. Trust me, adulthood isn't all it's cracked up to be," she knew she was being protective but she'd never get this moment back. He'd come to her and she was going to say everything that was in her head while she had the chance.

In that moment, she realized just how strong she still was. For years she'd thought she'd never have the courage to face something so familiar and so foreign at the same time. But just like she'd told Chase, she had to believe in herself first.

Chase's phone buzzed and he looked down. **"Are you ever coming home?" **He read aloud and laughed. "Damon's worried,"

"You should probably call him and then head home," she suggested. "Unless there's anything else…"

"No," he placed his hat back on his head. "But if I think of anything, I'll let you know," his smile was brilliant and genuine. It looked like some weight had left his shoulders. "Sorry about the mud," he slipped his shoes back on and stood in front of her and she shook her head to assure him it was no problem.

"My first game is Friday," he said happily. "You're coming, right?"

"Oh yes. I cleared my schedule," she smiled, winking. "I wouldn't miss it,"

"Cool," He looked proud. "Oh, and Elena?" he paused, "Thanks. I've never really talked like that with my Mom, so…" He scrunched up his face in a smile as the sun shined in his eyes.

Now he'd done it. If there was ever an emotional line to be crossed, he'd just done it. Not intentionally, not maliciously. He'd said the one thing that she _couldn't_ ignore. She wasn't angry with him. She was happy that he felt so comfortable to talk to her, and then to say _that_, but it didn't change the fact that it completely broke her heart. So she put on her brave face for one more minute…for Chase.

"You're welcome," she straightened his hat and sighed as the tears were building quickly. She leaned in and kissed him on the cheek before he could go. He was about to leave and she was about to run to her bedroom and weep. Just a few more minutes, she thought. Just a few more minutes and she could break down. His smile brightened a little and her mind eased up for a moment.

"I'm glad you like my uncle," he said as he turned the knob until the door closed behind him.

"Me too," she whispered as the tears rolled down her cheeks. She walked hollowly to the table and put his empty plate and cup in the sink. She was an autopilot. Her feet carried her upstairs where she locked herself in her bedroom for the next four hours and cried.

* * *

"I can't make it today," Jace said quickly on the phone. She could immediately tell he'd been drinking. College had made alcohol more accessible and he wasn't good with restraint.

"You're kidding me," Elena said angrily. She rested the phone on her shoulder as she changed her brown-eyed son's diaper. "It's his first birthday, Jace! You're going to miss your own son's birthday?"

"Yeah," he responded. "Do I need to repeat myself? I said I'm not coming," his words were rough.

"At least later? For cake and presents?"

"Can't," he said flatly, emotionless.

They were still together. The news of her pregnancy had shocked him. At first he'd accused her of sleeping with someone else. The kid wasn't his, he'd said. Elena had never felt more angry and horrified in her life. How could possibly think she'd cheat on him? She loved him…and he loved her. They were supposed to make it work. This child wasn't supposed to divide them. They were supposed to be together and happy forever, she thought.

"You're drunk, Jace?" she looked at her watch. "It's 10 a.m.," she thought back to the times he'd had too many around her parents. Her father was a patient man, but he knew what a father was _supposed_ to be. Jace was not the father his grandson deserved.

"I'm _still_ drunk, Elena. I never went to bed last night," he sounded almost proud.

"I'm glad you're off doing whatever the hell you want while I'm here taking care of Cade," she spat. It was a familiar argument. The moment Cade had been born Jace began shutting down, but over the last six months it had gotten worse. He'd gone from seeing his son rarely to completely avoiding him. It had been at least two months since they'd been in the same room.

He'd needed to control her since the moment he met her. He'd managed to do so throughout her pregnancy and afterward. He didn't want her hanging out with Kat. He said his sister would only make her feel guilty for what they'd done…that if she'd been a real friend she'd have understood. The truth was that he didn't want to share her….with anyone…not even Cade.

His constant disinterest in his son changed things. At first she thought he was just afraid. But a year into their son's life he was still avoiding him. He didn't go to her house for parties. The only time he spent time with her was when she went over to see him on the weekends he was home from school. She was still sleeping with him. She was still under his spell.

He'd stopped yelling for a while, but he didn't have to shout to hurt her. His opinions of what Cade was, of what he'd done to her were horrifying enough. Cade had taken her away from him, he thought. Their son had become more important to her than he had. He hated that. His control over Elena was slipping away. He wasn't the most important person in her life anymore.

He'd beg Elena to stay over at his house and ask her parents to babysit. Each time he asked it broke her heart a little more. But _this_…his first birthday…this broke her heart a little more.

"You know he's not going to just disappear because you don't want him," Elena screamed into the phone. "Someday you're going to regret not spending time with him. You'll be sorry, Jace. You'll see that I was right for you and you used me. You'll see how much time you wasted when he's grown and doesn't care about you,"

"And you'll regret the fact that you let something come between the two of us,"

"Something? He's our son. I didn't make him by myself!" In some ways she was happy he was away at college. Physical distance made his emotional distance easier. She didn't have to actually see the look of anger on his face when he saw their son. She wouldn't take the torture anymore. They were a package deal. He didn't get one without the other. The party was the last straw.

"And that's fine. But you never just come over here without him on your own anymore. It's been weeks…"

"Why would I? I love him. I'm his mom. I'm young but I have to be responsible. I'm not going to just dump him on my parents all the time. You should want to spend time with him,"

"Don't you miss spending time with just me? I just want you, Elena. We're too young for this. I told you that before but you didn't listen. It's a mistake not to listen to me. You should know that,"

"Adoption wasn't an option for me," she swallowed. "I told you that before. I wanted him. I want him. You don't, clearly, but you can't change my mind about him,"

"No, I don't want him," he confirmed. "I told you _that_, too."

"Then you don't get me anymore," she said seriously. "I cannot love a man who doesn't love his own child, and this _is our_ child, Jace! You can't be with me and pretend he never happened!"

"Why?" he slurred his word.

"Why? What the hell is wrong with you? I thought after a year you'd be fine. But I see I'm waiting for nothing. Now its Cade's first birthday and you're worse than ever. I see you're still stupid and controlling. And you know what? I'm stupid, too!" She screamed into the phone. "I'm stupid because I've seen the way you are and I haven't left you."

"Left me?" He laughed. "You can't leave me! You said it yourself. You're stuck with me forever. You wouldn't know what to do without me!"

"You're wrong. I can leave whenever I want," she swallowed, snapping Cade's onesie and pulling up his little jeans. "I said that because I thought you loved me,"

"I do love you. I just don't love what happened to us,"

"No you don't," she laughed bitterly. "If you loved me you would listen to me when I say you're blowing it. You're choosing wrong, Jace. I thought you'd be with me on this, but I see you aren't. The fact that you've all but disowned your son makes me sick. You don't have to worry about any of it anymore. If you don't want him then you don't really want me. This is not the way I want him to grow up. I'd rather he not know you than know you don't care about him. We don't need you. I'm done," she felt powerful, amazing.

"No you aren't," he said confidently. "You'll see. You'll see what it's like without me and you'll come crawling back. You had a baby. You're a slut, Elena. No one wants damaged goods," He yelled. He was angry now, saying things to hurt her. It was all about control for him, but she had power over him, too. She had the power to make him feel powerless. He couldn't handle when she defended herself against him.

"That's a really nice way to talk to me, Jace," her eyes filled with tears. It was hard to be brave.

"Who's going to want you? Who wants a teenager with a baby?" he barked.

"Maybe no one, but no one is better than knowing I'm staying with a man who hates his son. Don't call me anymore. Don't come to my house. Don't ask me to sleep with you anymore. The answer is no. I'm hanging up. I have to wash my face, finish dressing Cade and go downstairs and pretend like you didn't just rip my heart out of my chest," she barked, breathlessly. "I'd ask you if you want to say goodbye to him one more time, but that'd be a pretty stupid question so I'll spare you and myself,"

"Whatever Elena. You'll be back," he said, angrily. She'd been angry before but never threatened to leave. She was serious this time. "I'm not worried."

"I'm sure you're not. You're never worried," she yelled and hung up the phone. She sat down on her bed, sighing. She was empty but her heart was light. He'd been sitting on her chest for months, but she hadn't had the strength to move him. She loved him, she thought. She didn't _want_ to love him. He was poison. He was handsome and he had been so witty and good with words. She loved the son he'd given her. Jace was stupid and selfish, but something good had come out of their mistakes.

She'd let him get under her skin. Even after he'd started yelling at her and blaming her for getting pregnant, she'd loved him. He was just weak, she'd told herself. He'd come around, she thought. But she was wrong. He may have never physically hit her, but his words and his attitude were abusive and damaging enough. Her parents' frowns and her father's concerns were justified. She just hadn't wanted to believe they were right.

She brushed her hair and marched down her family's steps with Cade on her hip. His little smile made everything better. She hated yelling in front of him, but that was over now. She'd never be as angry as she was that day, she thought. He didn't deserve to hear his parents arguing, especially not on his first birthday.

"Momma," he clapped.

"We're okay," she whispered to him, kissing him on the forehead. "We're better off this way. I don't need him. All I need is you,"

When she reached the bottom of the stairs she was met with her friend Kat's smiling face. Things hadn't been great with them, but she was still supportive of the way Elena raised her nephew. Kat knew Jace made Elena feel guilty for spending time with anyone but him; she wouldn't hold it against her friend forever.

Her brother's actions and decisions angered and saddened her, but they didn't surprise her. She knew Jace never took responsibility for his actions. He'd never gotten someone pregnant before, but he'd broken hearts before Elena's. He'd cheated. He'd lied. He was the single worst role model her nephew could've ever had. In a way, she was happy Jace had chosen not to be a part of his life. Cade would probably be far better off without him.

"I broke up with him," Elena whispered in her friend's ear. Katherine's jaw dropped before she let a smile cross her lips. She didn't want to say 'I told you so.' She was just happy Elena had finally wised up and left him. Jace never deserved her. It was time she realized that. "He's pissed,"

"Of course he is. Jace always has to have his way. You didn't give him his way when you decided not to have an abortion. Then you turned him down when he suggested adoption. His only solution was to completely ignore the kid, as if you _had_ given him his way,"

"Do you think he'll regret it someday? Losing us…"

"I don't know if he's capable of regret, Elena," She said honestly. "He's never apologized for a damn thing and I doubt he ever will. Jace makes up his mind and that's it. You know that. You're a victim of it," she had pulled Elena in the neighboring room, away from the cake and rest of the group. They didn't need to hear their conversation. They already knew what kind of man Jace was. "He wanted you and he got you,"

"I know that," she said seriously. "And I was stupid, okay? I see that now. Cade's the one ray of sunshine in this mess,"

"Auntie Kat," he clapped.

"I love my little sunshine," she beamed as she picked him. "Look, I'm just saying. Jace isn't going to give up that easily. If he's as pissed as you say he is, he'll be back. He won't apologize, but I'm sure he'll be in your face. I don't think this is over like you think it is,"

"It is. I'm making it be over. He's not going to control me anymore. I'm done," she said as they walked back into the living room where they'd celebrate Cade's birthday. She really felt confident. She felt free. It was supposed to just be over.

But Katherine was right again. She knew her brother better than anyone. He'd go away for a while, a couple years even. But he'd be back. He'd come back twice. He'd be desperate and stupid. He'd be drunk and needy in a way he'd never been before. And when she'd think back to Jace, _that _was the night she'd remember. His Adonis looks and his charm would be wiped away, replaced with his haunting, horrifying words. He wanted her back and he'd do anything to prove it.

That shaky, angry version would be the one she'd see every night when she closed her eyes. His murky eyes watched her from hell, she knew. She felt them digging into her, _still_ begging her…

* * *

They weren't the only ones who'd died that night. She'd lost her faith and hope that night. Her ability to love flat lined. She'd all but pronounced herself emotionally dead when Damon walked into her life.

"**Goodnight, Lena," **her phone buzzed with a text message. She wiped her swollen eyes.

_He'd_ saved her. His eyes were the light that welcomed her back to earth when she'd wanted to die. He'd pulled her off that table and into his arms. He'd revived her.

How the hell could she _not_ love him?

"**Sweet dreams," **she typed and hear heart pounded until she fell asleep.

* * *

**A/N: Big emotions for me on this one. Elena went through some stuff, too. I know you guys are anxious for the details to come out and I'll tell you they are coming very soon. These tiny breakthroughs in all of the characters are so fun. I really enjoyed writing the Chase and Elena scene. It's one of the scenes I had in my head before I even started to write this story. **

**Hope you all enjoyed the chapter. Love to hear your thoughts. The response was wonderful for my last chapter. I thank you all!**


	11. Let Go

**A/N: Thank you again for all the wonderful feedback. Things are getting sticky now. This chapter is mostly in present time. There's a DE flashback to the previous day, which was my favorite part to write. Looking forward to hearing thoughts on that. We'll also see Elena meet someone new and a whole new piece of information gets thrown in the mix that could change everything.**

**This chapter uses Frou Frou's "Let Go" (Personally like the Boys Like Girls cover better.)**

* * *

**All At Once**

**Chapter 10: Let Go**

"That was a ball!" Damon stood up on the bleachers and yelled. "Come on, Come ON. Are you serious?" Elena tugged him to sit back down. She saw him smile through her black sunglasses. It was hot and the sun was still out, but a cool breeze made it ideal night for Chase's baseball game. It was the bottom of the eighth and they were down 2-1.

"Elena, that was a _ball_, did you see it? I'm a pitcher. I can tell. And they called it a strike out! It was a bad call!" he settled back down on the metal bench. "Dicks,"

"Damon," she warned, pointing to a group of little kids next to them. A small smile played on her lips when he frowned in understanding. "Little ears,"

"What? Dick is a bad word now? It's a body part! It's like if I said those guys were a bunch of elbows, Elena. Chill _out_," he kissed her forehead.  
"It's baseball. So I get a little wound up!"

"A little? It's a good thing I'm here. If I wasn't you'd be down there umpiring yourself. They'd be hauling you away kicking and screaming," she laughed.

"Yeah well I'd do a damn better job, so..." he cocked his head to the side.

"Yep…mmmmhmmm," her lips formed a knowing smile. "I knew it!"

"What's that little sound supposed to mean?" he pulled off her sunglasses and slid them to the top of her head.

"It means you're exactly what I thought you would be. You're one of _those _men," her eyes were playful and fun. It was a beautiful, relieving change from the night before. Her demons were working their way out of her system; she was fighting them head on and he was right beside her all the while. There were so many sides to her and he wanted all of them, even the sad ones. But his heart danced as she looked carefree now. She wore a secret smile that only he understood.

"Am I now? What kind of man is that, exactly?" him and index finger came together on his lips. He caught her staring at them before a moment before she answered.

"An angry sports dad, or uncle, or whatever…." She teased and he smirked. "You know, I'll bet that girl he likes is here somewhere. You're going to embarrass him…"

"Elena, when do we _not_ embarrass him?" He popped peanuts in his mouth and waggled his eyebrows. "If I were him, I'd be proud to be with us. We're younger and _hotter_ than half these people," he lowered his voice and looked around. "Face it, I'm an UILF…you know, an uncle I'd like to fu…"

"Yes, I know what it means," she rolled her eyes and her hand found his. She looked down at the field to see Chase sitting on the bench on the side of the diamond. He was kicking dirt and adjusting his hat. She smiled at the memory of their talk a few days before. It had been hard, but as the dust settled and she was able to separate the present from the past, she realized it had been one of the sweetest opportunities she'd ever gotten. "So…when do we tell him?" The tip of her fingernail traced along the side of his thumb.

"You mean about Stefan calling or about how we're…" Damon's voice trailed off and he squinted into the distance. His jaw dropped and his eyes narrowed when he saw her.

"Well I didn't expect this," his eyebrows raised and Elena turned to see an older woman walking toward the bleachers. "That's my mom. I'll be right back," he stood to walk down the bleachers to meet the woman. Elena's heart pounded. She hadn't met his parents, but she'd heard a lot about them. His mother was definitely more active in his life than his father, but she knew Damon still felt second best. He was number one to Elena, though, and she'd be sure to make that clear.

She was warmed by the sight of him pulling his mother into his arms. He kissed her on the cheek and she saw his lips moving; she could only imagine what he was saying. Enter panic mode. What if Janie didn't like her? They'd _just_ taken that first step the night before. She didn't want to go backwards or start over again, but there were still things he didn't know.

She wondered if Janie was anything like her own mother, always wishing on a falling star that her child would stop dragging his feet through life and settle down with one person. Was she the one person? And if so, would Elena even come close to what Janie pictured for her son? She wouldn't have been so worried before, but things had changed. Now it _did_ matter. Everything mattered.

She barely had time to rope in her nervousness and figure out what she was going to say before his mother's hand was in his and he was leading her up the bleachers. And as the lump formed in Elena's throat, she realized how he must've felt when she'd just thrown him to the wolves at her parents' house.

His mother was 67, he'd told her. There was no sign of his father, so she must've driven herself, Elena decided. Her hair was a beautiful salt and pepper grey and her big blue eyes widened when they saw her. She had Damon's lopsided smile, and it eased Elena's queasy stomach for a moment. She loved that smile.

"Mom, Elena," he smiled, introducing them. "Elena, Mom," he sounded nervous. He'd probably never had to introduce a woman to his mother before. Was he nervous for himself or her or for all of them? Elena met his eyes, silently saying she was okay and he noticeably relaxed.

"It's so lovely to meet you, dear," she beamed. "It's nice to put a face to a name. Damon simply gushed about you over the phone last week. I wondered who turned my son all inside out," Elena's stomach fluttered at the words. Damon wasn't one to gush to anyone, really...though he'd come damn close then night before...

"I can see why," Janie continued, "You're absolutely beautiful, dear,"

"Thank you…" she said slowly, gratefully and she snuck a little glance up in his direction before she focused back on the woman before her. "I'm happy to meet you, too."

So he'd talked to his mother about her, she thought. She knew their relationship was sometimes rocky but it had still sounded better than the one he lacked with his father and brother. Janie had been the one person he could depend on as a child, but her loyalty to Stefan weighed down on him. If her boys were next to each other, Stefan was always picked first. That idea hurt Elena. How on _earth _could they not see how amazing Damon was? It was clear as day to her.

The look on his face was hopeful. It was obvious that he wanted a good relationship with his mother. He wanted her to see that he could take care of Chase, that he was responsible. He needed her to know that he was trying to make something of what he'd been given. But if Janie knew what _she_ knew, she'd see that he had nothing to prove. He'd changed by his own free will.

He'd looked directly into Elena's eyes the night before, and said words that would've absolutely terrified her two months ago. But they felt right and soothing.

And though he was sweet with her, he wasn't one to talk about emotions with the rest of the world. The fact that he'd talked to his mother about her was surprising.

He sat down next to her and wrapped his fingers in hers. Affection in front of his mother was a big step for both of them. She knew how mothers became easily excited over little things. She only hoped she could be enough for him. It was one thing to amp herself up about them, but hurting family members was a completely different barrel of monkeys. She'd hurt her own plenty of times when she'd brought Jace home; when she'd told them _why_ she couldn't break up with him at 16.

"So, you two are well then? And Chase?"

Elena's eyes went to Damon carefully, as if to ask how much his mother knew, but he tipped his head encouragingly. He desperately wanted them to get along.

"Very well," Elena smiled. Things really were as wonderful as they seemed.

"Damon, dear, you look shocked," Janie smiled, leaning over to talk to him.

"I just didn't expect to see you here," he said happily, focusing on the game. "It's a nice surprise for Chase, too. He'll be happy you're here,"

"Well the night he stayed over by me he mentioned he was joining a team. All the schedules are public, since they're community run, so I just looked up the team name and decided I'd come," she explained. "I always loved coming to your games, Damon,"

"I know," he smiled happily and Elena tightened her hand on his. She worried it would trigger that memory in his mind, the one he'd shared with her on the beach. There'd never been a darker moment in his heart than the time he felt no one cared about what he wanted in his future.

"I know I can't go back and change your father's mind about the surgery…" she offered, slowly. "But I would if I could. I know how much you loved playing. I'm sorry I didn't stand up for you,"

"Its fine, Mom," he sighed. It was as Elena had said. There really was no use in hanging onto the 'what ifs' in life. He might not be living the dream he'd always thought he would, but reality was turning out to be pretty good to him. Baseball was a career but Elena and Chase were people who wanted to share their lives with him. It was hard to be crabby about what he'd lost when he had something so amazing holding his hand.

"No worries right now," he nodded out to his nephew on the bench. "You're here for Chase. He's the one we want to be happy. But really, thank you for coming. It means a lot to us," Janie's eyes focused on the tight grip he had on Elena. She liked seeing him so certain about something for once.

He looked happy and peaceful. He seemed very different from the man who'd sounded so worried and disheveled on the phone when she'd called him after the news about Chase. She didn't want to ruin that peace, but she had to tell him what she'd received.

"There is something, though…" Janie swallowed and dug in her purse. "_This_ came in the mail a few days ago…" she pulled out an envelope and handed it to him. It was addressed to Chase. His stare narrowed when he read the return address. "I figured I'd let you decide if he should see it or not,"

"Why'd she send it to your house?" He swallowed.

"Because she knows you hate her and would never let him see it, Damon. She might have a drug problem but she's not completely stupid. We've been supportive of Stefan for years and she goes along with the territory,"

"I don't get that, but then again I never have," he interrupted and Elena felt his body stiffen. The last thing anyone needed was a fight in public. She wanted to be there for him but she also felt as if she shouldn't be in on the conversation. She wasn't in their family, but she was very much a part of their lives.

"I know that," she sighed, "But my point is that her only chance of communicating with her son was sending it to our house. That's why she did it…" she paused, "I know your opinions of them, but I love your brother. Of course I do. I can't just abandon my son because of his mistakes,"

"So you admit he's guilty now?" He said.

"Damon…" Elena warned again, nervously. The last time she'd tried to discourage him from an argument he'd flipped out on her. She didn't want the same results, but things were different this time. They were better and stronger now that they'd started something real.

Janie looked at Elena softly, seeing the good she did for her son. She kept him calm, she noticed.

The crowd roared and he remembered they were in a public place.

"I don't know what I think," Janie said seriously. "I just know I love him,"

"Mom, he murdered someone," he whispered, snappily, "If there's ever been a time to _stop_ supporting him, it's now," Elena could sense things were turning in a bad direction when Janie's face saddened.

"This is hardly a conversation for a baseball game, Damon," his mother scolded, wiping her teary eyes. His heart sank. He'd been insensitive again. It used to take him awhile to identify the moments he pushed things to far, but it was becoming easier by the day. He no longer cared to hurt people to get his way.

"Mom…" he stood up when she started to move down the bleachers. "Hey, Mom…I'm sorry…"

"I think I'm going to get some water," Janie said softly, needing to step away from the conversation. The last thing he wanted to do was push his mother over the edge, even if she made bad choices when it came to Stefan. They both need a momentary breather. "Would either of you like anything?"

"No, thank you, Janie," Elena smiled apologetically. She sent the woman a tender nod, reaching out to her silently.

"Don't be gone too long. Chase will be up to bat again soon," Damon added as he plopped back down on the cool bleacher.

As soon as his mother was out of sight, his hands were on the envelope, ready to tear it in half. Elena reached out to stop him. "Wait," she breathed. "I know you don't want him to have communication with them….but maybe you shouldn't keep this from him. It's one-way. Caroline won't know if he reads it or not," she thought back to her conversation with Chase at her kitchen table again. He'd sounded sad; as if he'd wished he had a better relationship with his mother. "It's safe,"

"We can't always do what he wants, Elena. And nothing that woman does or says is safe," he said seriously. "I don't even have to open this letter to know what it's going to say. It's going to be some stupid apology, like she always tries. She's going to say she'll be better, stop her drugs. She's going to ask him to come home, promise him things will be different this time if he gives her another chance," he frowned. "But it's a lie, all of it. If I give this to him and he believes what she wrote, it'll be worse than if he thought she was still ignoring him,"

"Maybe, maybe not. We'll never know if you tear it up. Just think about it, okay?" She encouraged, pressing her temple into his shoulder. "I know you want to protect him, and that's so sweet…but you can't keep everything from him forever. I'm not saying I want to get his hopes up for nothing, but we have to remember that those _are_ his parents. He's fourteen. He's old enough to decide if he wants to read it or not. He's smart enough to remember what his mother is like. I don't think one letter is going to make him forget how much they've hurt him..."

"I don't _think_ he'll forget, Elena. I just don't want him to remember…"

If Jace had just stayed away and not turned violent, things would be different. It wasn't that she didn't _want_ him to have a relationship with their son. It was that she _did_ and he refused. If he'd cleaned himself up, if he'd really wanted another chance with Cade when he was older, she would've given her son the choice. She would've talked to Cade and made sure he understood what his father had been like in the past. She would've pled with him to go in with a steady heart but to be cautious and smart about trusting him. Cade didn't have to hate his father just because she did.

But she told herself not to compare the two situations. They were completely different;

She was really torn in two. She was a mother once. Her little boy was dead…she'd never _get_ the chance to reach out to him again. And though it seemed Caroline blew every chance she got and didn't deserve Chase's attention, it was hard to keep any child completely away from his mother, especially when it seemed he really _did_ wish she was there for him.

Oh, Caroline still sickened her; if she ever saw her face to face, she'd have a thing or two to say about the way she'd treated Chase. But she was curious about that letter. What could be so important about it that she wouldn't risk sending it to Damon's apartment?

She could completely understand Damon's fears. If Cade had grown up and tried to reconnect with his father but was continually shot down or given broken promises it would've crushed her heart, too. Damon only saw that side of it. She couldn't blame him, really. There really was no way to win.

"You need to think about Chase, here. If you don't give him the choice, he may hold it against you later. We have to believe he'll choose right, no matter what. That's what faith in people is about, Damon. Sometimes it goes wrong but you can't bet on that. You can't just assume everything will turn out badly just because it has before…." she swallowed. She had a personal revelation as she spoke. She hadn't realized how much she needed to believe the words she said so easily now.

She continued, "It's just a letter, Damon. It's not like you're saying he can go visit her. You know I'm with you. You know I'm on your side. I don't want to fight about this. It isn't worth it. He's your nephew. I just want to make sure you're thinking clearly," her words had always meant something to him, but now they meant more. She really _did_ know what she was talking about when it came to kids.

"I just don't like it, okay? I can't have him all riled up, Elena. We're just settling in and things are going so well. It almost feels normal at home. And when the three of us are together…" he shook his head and stopped when he saw his mother heading back up to them with three drinks. He'd save the rest of what he had to say for later, when they were alone.

Janie sat down next to them with a bottle of water. "It's so late in the game already. I hadn't realized…"

"Mom, I'm sorry about earlier," he breathed. "There's just a lot going on right now. I shouldn't have taken it out on you. It's just that Caroline isn't the only one who's been trying to get ahold of Chase,"

"Oh?" the words came out slowly, cautiously.

"Stefan's called several times. You've gotta believe me…this isn't about _my_ problems with them this time…" he shook his head. "This is about Chase. I'm afraid of what it'll do to him. First the phone calls now the letter. What, they both went from not caring, to caring at the same time? I don't even understand why Stefan would want to talk to him. Shouldn't he be angry?"

"Angry?" Janie scrunched up her eyes. "Why would he be angry with Chase? He didn't do anything. He was completely shocked when the police came to arrest Stefan. They barely had time to talk….maybe he's just trying to reach out to him now. Maybe he's trying to say he's sorry,"

Elena frowned and shot a worried glance at Damon, who tightened his grip on her hand. Stories were _not_ lining up. How could he be clueless when he'd been the one to call him in? He searched her eyes for understanding and pled for her to stay quiet. She sent him a soft smile in return. They were in it together.

"We're just looking out for him, Mom," If there was more to the story than everyone knew, he wasn't about to blab what Chase _had_ told him. Elena was right. As hard as it would be, they needed to talk to him soon. "Something his parents have clearly never done," he finished.

Janie sighed, "I know you're right. I just don't want it to be true," she paused, "Do what you will with the letter, Damon," she said. "It's not my business how you choose to raise him," it sounded as if she'd had some sort of revelation at the snack stand. She looked from him to Elena and smiled, "From what I can see you've got a good thing going here," her heart swelled at the sight of her son happy and domestic. He was embracing everything he'd spent his whole life avoiding. Baseball, parenting, _love_….

He went years without mentioning baseball after the accident with Stefan, but here he was cheering on his nephew, not even flinching. He'd spent a lifetime saying he never wanted to fall in love, but here he was, holding this woman's hand as if he never wanted to let her go. His eyes were brighter and they dazzled when he smiled at her. He _was_ in love, even if he didn't know it, Janie thought. Her youngest son had finally decided to grow up and embrace life.

"Have you decided if you're coming over for your Dad's birthday next week?" she asked cautiously. "It might be nice to show him how well you're doing with all of this…and he's getting older, Damon. I know you don't get along but there's still time to talk things through,"

"No…" he shook his head. "I don't need to prove anything to him. He doesn't care anyway. And just because he's older doesn't mean he's decided to support my decisions. He'll probably just judge the way I parent," he frowned as the final pitch was thrown. "It's not a good idea,"

The game ended and Chase ran up to them, smiling. "Grandma, you came. Cool." She pulled him into a hug. Damon watched the scene before him proudly. His mother gave him grief sometimes, but she was an angel with her grandson. When she was away from his father, she was herself. She smiled, she laughed, she was free. He often wondered why she'd stayed with his dad if he didn't make her smile anymore. Had it been for him and Stefan? Had she been miserable for years just to prevent a broken family? If anyone had broken their family it was his big brother.

He felt Elena's hand smooth over his sweaty shoulder blades. His t-shirt clung to his skin in the heat and she pulled it away a few times to let some cool air hit his back. She really did a number on him. He smiled. _This_ was the way it was supposed to feel. Stefan and Caroline never laughed like he did with Elena. His parents never teased each other as they did. Elena spunky and sweet and genuine; she made him happy with just the smallest gestures. Maybe he'd run from relationships for so many years because they all seemed too familiar; fighting, constant worry and seriousness; it hardly seemed worth the work. But caring for Elena was easy. It was almost effortless. All she had to do was flash him a smile and he knew everything was going to be okay.

"We're going out for ice cream to celebrate Chase's first game. Would you like to come with, Janie?" Elena smiled.

"Oh that sounds so fun, but I can't this time. I promised Giuseppe I'd only be gone for a little while. He's hasn't been feeling well lately. I hate to leave him for very long, but I wanted to see Chase play, if only for a little while," she explained slowly, catching a change in Damon's eye. Like cold sick or _sick_ sick, he wondered for a moment, but quickly dismissed the worry.

She moved toward Elena and pulled her into a kind hug, "It was so nice to meet you, Elena. Be patient with him…with both of them, really," she whispered and Elena nodded. She moved to kiss her son on the cheek and give him a goodbye hug.

"And my Damon. Just think about coming over," she pled. "And bring this beautiful girlfriend of yours if you do," Damon froze at the word.

Girlfriend.

Even after their conversation last night, he was still leery. His eyes went to Elena, checking for her reaction. She looked completely calm and unafraid. A smile spread across her face and she nodded. He released a deep sigh of relief and his mother pulled away. "It's good to see you smiling again," she sent them all a small wave and walked back to her car.

"Go on," Damon pulled Chase's sweaty cap off his head. "Go back for your team meeting and grab something to drink. We'll be here somewhere when you get back," he smiled and ran off to the dugout.

Damon sighed and took Elena's hand so he could lead her to a shaded area under a tree. His back pressed against the rough bark and he breathed a sigh of relief when he felt her hands resting on his chest.

"So that was Mom," his hands fell on top of hers, pressing them against him harder. "Not the way I planned to introduce you, but at least it's over with and at least you got to see her without Dad. It's like night and day, I swear," he frowned. "But she seemed pretty keen on you. I'm sorry if she made you uncomfortable with the whole girlfriend thing," he cringed.

"Did it make you uncomfortable?"

"No..."

"Good. I mean, she isn't _wrong_, is she?" she arched an eyebrow when his eyes darkened as he remembered the night before.

* * *

"Remind me again _why_ I agreed to watch this girly movie with you?" He furrowed his eyebrows as the credits rolled. Elena shifted and propped herself up on her elbow. She rested her chin on his chest so she could gaze into his eyes. His arms were folded behind his head on the couch and he moved one to cup her right cheek. "Now I remember…because you're lying on me and I _really_ don't want to move to change the channel. This is way too comfortable. Guess we're watching another one."

It was 8 pm on a Thursday night. The minute Andie told Elena she was going out of town for the night, she'd insisted Damon come over to watch movies. When he'd asked if Chase should come, she'd made it clear that she wanted them to be alone. They'd had some popcorn and eventually fallen into a comfortable, cuddled position on her big fluffy couch.

"You pretended to not be into it but I heard you gasp when she kissed that other guy…." She smirked. "You are _so_ not that guy anymore, Damon."

"Well she said they were just friends but it was obviously a lie," he swatted the air, "And you're right, I'm not. I don't want to be."

She pressed her ear down on his chest and nuzzled into his soft white t-shirt, feeling the tension start to stir between them again. How much longer were they going to wait, and why _were_ they waiting? She wasn't going to change her mind. She was in far too deep to imagine wanting anyone but him. She promised herself she wouldn't have sex with him until he knew everything. They would never have emotionless sex again. It wasn't even possible.

He felt her warm hand sneak up under his T-shirt to trace his abdominal muscles. She inhaled, gaining the courage to put this friend act to rest. She felt him shiver at her touch and she continued, slowly and teasingly. As his heart pounded faster, she was grateful that she'd lined her ear up with it. Hearing his excitement made it easier to remember why she wanted to tell him how she felt. His hand found its way to her head and he stroked her hair when her breathing picked up. He felt her swallow thickly, as she always did before she was about to say something important.

"I'm happy like this," she admitted, still smoothing her fingers over his hard stomach muscles. "Everything else just goes away when we're together like this. I'm tired of fighting it, Damon," she pressed her chin down on his chest again and looked into his eyes with absolute certainty. "I want to be with you."

His hands slid to her waist and tugged her up on top of him. Waves were crashing in his blue eyes; he looked at her hungrily, but he was silent when his index finger slid under her chin and his thumb pulled her toward him. In an instant his hands were sliding up and down her sides and his tongue was in her mouth. He was devouring her. Her hands pushed into the soft couch cushion on each side of him, itching to find his bare skin again. She kissed him wildly, as she had so many times before. The feeling of their bodies pressed together was familiar, like home. But there was something different now, too. His hands were softer and he whispered in her ear; not the things he wanted to do to her, but the many things she did to him.

"You make me feeleverything. It's amazing," his breath was hot and it tickled her ear. "I missed this…you…" She nodded, pulling his lips against hers again. But after a few minutes he stopped her again. "You make me want so many things I've never wanted," he pressed deliberate, soft kisses on her cheeks and pushed her hair out of her eyes as she lie still on top of him, just listening.

"You make me want things I never thought I'd want _again_," she said honestly, her breathing rapid from a moment ago. "I think I want them with you..."

He slid his back upright and pressed it into the arm of the couch, but kept her on his lap. Her knee folded and her right leg went inward as her left wrapped behind him. Her eyes remained on his. There was no turning back now. "You're not afraid of this?" he asked, surprised she'd initiated it.

"Not enough to keep me away from you anymore," she bit her lip and raked her fingers through his hair. "My heart hurts almost all the time…" she said sadly, knotting her fingers in his dark waves and pulling his head down to crash into her forehead. "The only time it doesn't hurt is when I'm with you," she was brave, she realized. She hadn't planned her speech at all but it sounded practiced and cheesy, as if she'd dreamt it up years ago. "You said you need me. It took me a while to realize, but I need you, too. I want you,"

His brain had been rattling for weeks as he tried to ease him into his new feelings. It had worked at first, the 'friends' thing. But she was right. The only real barrier between them was the one _they'd_ created. He was slammed with realizations on that beach, in his kitchen when she'd comforted him over Stefan's call. She pushed through her fears to be there for him. And now she was there, wide-eyed and ready to finally tear down that wall.

His wall had started crumbling almost two months ago. Back then it had been easy to say he didn't know what he felt.

But now, as she kissed him and stared at him he realized; he'd known what he'd wanted all along. Every moment he spent with her led him somewhere deeper, and he'd let it. His theories on relationships had quickly changed once Elena became a bigger part of his life. He'd never once tried to stop himself from falling for her. He knew what he felt, and it wasn't as complicated as people made it out to be. It wasn't the soul-sucking emotion he thought it was. If it made him Stefan, so be it. He didn't care. His brother had controlled enough of his life; he wasn't going to let him stand in the way of his feelings for Elena, too.

There was no sense fighting it. He'd stopped fighting it the moment he gave her a ride home after the cherry bomb incident. Love had been knocking at his heart for a while, but now the knocking was louder and could no longer be ignored. He wanted her to know what she meant to him. Her secrets didn't push him away at all. He knew he loved her because none of _that_ mattered; nothing she could say would change his mind.

His face softened and she felt his thumb go to her bottom lip as it had the habit of doing. She kissed it sweetly. Somewhere along the way he'd moved closer to her and his eyes were big a bright, like a child who was filled with so many hopes and dreams. She was his dream now.

The silence ended when he the biggest, best words he'd ever spoken escaped his lips.

"I think I'm falling in love with you," he whispered inches from her lips. He breathed jaggedly as he waited for her response. He was woozy, drunk on adrenaline. Those weren't words he just threw around. They weren't something he just said to a woman when he wanted to get her into bed more than a few times. Those were words he'd saved his entire life and now they were out there, floating toward her lips.

He waited for what seemed like minutes. He was confident in his feelings, but he'd promised to go slow and not cross lines. Now he'd completely erased the line. He worried about her reaction but he didn't regret his confession.

She looked hopeful and he saw her nod slowly as she processed what he'd just said. They were supposed to be the most terrifying words she could ever hear, but somehow they weren't. They were beautiful because they came from _him_, a man who never wanted love. He'd chosen her. He wanted her. It wasn't anything like the way it had happened with Jace. This was breathtaking and real. She _believed_ Damon.

Time sped up and her heart pounded when she raised her body up on his and her hands went to the back of his neck. The gap between them closed and her mouth was on his again. Her hands slipped under his shirt again and ran along the hard lean muscles of his chest. Their kisses were hot and needy for just a moment before the words finally sank in for both of them. Then it was all soft and slow and wonderful. His mouth reiterated his feelings; his lips silently said it over and over again, and she lost herself in the feeling.

Her deeply buried emotions rushed to the surface as if they'd been lost and just found their way back where they belonged. She couldn't say the words but he could feel it, she loved him, too. After another few minutes she pulled away and pressed her forehead into his again when a small tear trickled down her cheek.

"I've scared you," he breathed and his gaze floated along the tracks of her tears.

"No, it's not that at all," she shook her head and inhaled slowly. She felt _guilty_. This was supposed to be a perfect moment. It was supposed to be pure but it was tainted by the secrets she'd kept from him. Her heart wanted him, but it wasn't right until he knew. It had taken a lot to turn the corner from nothing to friends, but turning _this_ corner had come effortlessly. He gave his whole self so easily; she had to tell him. It broke her heart that she had the power to completely mutilate this sweet moment with a few simple words.

He watched her carefully, afraid to say anything more. After an inner battle, her heart won.

"It's just that I haven't been honest with you," she managed but he shook his head lightly, telling her not to worry. She slid her legs out from him and grabbed her purse off the floor. She dug through it until she came up with her wallet. When she pulled a small picture out he knew what was coming. And when it fell on her lap and revealed the brown eyed little boy, he held his breath. He hadn't been completely honest with her, either.

"Before you say anything Elena, I need to tell you something," he exhaled the words sadly. "I didn't tell you everything you said that morning on the beach," he said sadly, hoping she wouldn't be angry with him. "You said a name…"

"And when I was changing shirts in your parents' room…I saw some pictures on the wall…" more tears fell down her cheeks and he reached out to wipe them. "At first I wasn't sure, but the way you are with Chase...I don't know...I was afraid to push you, Elena, his voice carried worry and her hand with the picture moved closer to him. When those brown eyes stared back at him, he knew he'd been right. "But it's okay…you can tell me, baby,"

Even if he hadn't strung those three, wonderful words together moments before, she would've known from the look in his eyes; he was hers in every way.

And just like that, Elena was a waterfall. Her breathing was wild and rough and her voice was strained. "I had a son, Damon." she cried. Her face reddened and stressed quickly when his eyes flickered with sadness. "Cade. He was three. He was alive and laughing one day...and now he's dead,"

The words fell out of her lips in a sob. She hadn't had to explain it to anyone since he'd died. She'd held it in for eleven years because no one had been important enough to share it with. But Damon was falling in love with her and she wanted to love him, too. She wasn't completely healed and she never would be. She cried randomly and hard, sometimes for hours. She was overprotective and panicky. If he was going to love her, he deserved to know that.

He took the picture from her shaky, tear-soaked hands as she crashed into his arms. It was a defining moment. The only other people she'd cried with had been there to see it from the start. They'd wept for both her and her son. He'd been family to them, too. But this was Damon. He was someone new who didn't know her as a child. She was sobbing in his arms and he was there _just_ for her. It wasn't sympathy, it was support and comfort and love. His arms were that favorite blanket she'd never get too old to use.

She shook violently against him as he held her. She was dreaming wide awake; he was both saddened and grateful he couldn't see the images playing out in her mind. She gasped as eleven years of tears soaked into his thin white t-shirt. His heart broke for her, for what she went through. He'd assumed Cade was her son since he'd seen the pictures, but now that she'd confirmed it, he was stabbed with a new pain. his tiny tears fell for her strength. She was a mother. This brave woman, who was broken in a million tiny pieces in his arms, really _had_ loved before. She'd loved a child…then she'd lost him. She hadn't said how, but he wasn't sure she could handle saying much more that night.

He pictured a horrible disease, at first. Something she'd had to deal with for a while. But then he remembered she'd said Jace was dead, too. His mind couldn't go there that night. He held her as she cried, feeling her movements change from angry and wild to completely devastated and afraid. She was still mourning, every day she breathed, he realized.

Chase wasn't his son but he couldn't imagine losing him to death. He'd have to leave one day, but he'd still be alive. Elena had gotten three years with her son…that was it. It wasn't _fair_. If anyone deserved happiness, it was her. He could see why she'd run away from him at first. It made sense why she had tried to keep her distance for so long, but she kept finding her way back to Chase. She overcame _that_ to help his nephew, to help him. She'd kept it inside of her for far too long; it was about time she let it out.

After what seemed like half an hour, she stopped shaking and sobbing and tried to sniff back her tears. She stayed silently pressed against his chest when he reached down on the ground below them and found her bottle of water. He unscrewed the cap and handed it to her. Her throat was dry and her voice was hoarse. He winced when he saw how quickly her eyes had swelled up. She was ripped to shreds in his arms, staring at him as if he knew how to put her back together. But he was powerless still; there weren't words for that moment. But even as she wept, her eyes looked a little freer, as if he'd just lifted a ten ton brick off her chest.

He didn't _think_ he was falling for her. He knew.

He reached into his pocket and pulled out his cell phone as she sipped the water. She willed herself to calm down. It was 9 p.m.

"**Will you be okay alone tonight? I can't leave Elena…"**he texted Chase. His phone buzzed with confirmation and he slid it back into his pocket.

She closed the water and stared at him, breathless. Their wild kissing seemed like a different day now that she was limp and weightless on his lap. He wanted nothing more than to wrap her in his arms and let her fall asleep so he could watch over her. Her eyes were tired and swollen. He'd never forget the look on her face; it was somewhere between relieved and horrified.

"Are you angry with me?" she asked, shakily.

He frowned, confused. "Angry? Lena, no…" he promised as he pulled her to him again. "Why would you think that?" She made the comforting thing easy. He wasn't always so good at finding the right words or doing the right things, but with Elena, everything was right.

"Because I kept it from you…I let you start to feel more for me before I told you," she shook her head. "That wasn't the way it was supposed to go. You know what? I _wanted_ you to fall in love with me, just couldn't admit it to myself. I lied. I pushed you away over and over again. I said I didn't want this, but I do. Now I feel selfish and guilty for keeping it from you," she cried. "You've never been in love…and maybe you aren't now, either. But if you, are I just ruined it…"

"You're right. Love was never an option for me. That's why I don't want to just throw it out there so plainly as if it were nothing. I don't want to scare you, but I need you to know what you are to me. This is so new but I'm positive it's something I want. I'm happy I feel this way," He explained. "And you didn't ruin anything. You could be mad at me for seeing those things and not saying anything too, but you don't seem to be,"

"I shouldn't have hid it in the first place," she frowned, "But I never expected to get in so deep with you…I didn't think I'd find someone again….and I definitely didn't think he'd be raising a child who is the same age my son would be if he were still alive," she swallowed. "These aren't things you talk about with strangers, Damon. I had to be sure you weren't going to leave me. I couldn't revisit that all for nothing,"

"I would _never_ leave you," he promised. "I've been worried I'll lose you. The very reason I didn't bring those pictures up was because I thought you'd panic and leave," he admitted. "But we were both afraid for nothing…" he slid back down on the couch and held her to him. He found a blanked on the back of the couch and draped it over them, reaching up behind him to click off the light.

"I've been afraid of love my entire life. But now that's gone and I'm just afraid of _not_ having you…" he said as she snuggled back down into him easily.

They were fully clothed; his shoes were even still on. They laid in the dark searching for a way to make the heartache end. It never would, he knew. He could love her forever and it wouldn't bring her son back. He'd never be able to make it go away. _That_ broke his heart. Some man had stomped all over her. He'd impregnated her and controlled her to the point that she had to break up with him and be alone with a baby. Elena was practically a baby herself when she'd had to deal with all of it. No wonder she was terrified of love.

"And I'm not angry that you had a baby, Lena," he whispered in the pitch black room. "Why would I be angry with you for that?"

"Because you hate Caroline. You said you hated that Stefan stayed with her just because he made a mistake. Well I made a mistake, too. But I wanted my son, too, and that _wasn't_ a mistake," she swallowed. "You generalized, Damon. I know you didn't know but all I could hear was you judging. It scared me because I was already so wound up in you…"

He remembered the conversation and his heart ached. He _had_ generalized. He pictured a very pregnant 16 year old Elena being yelled at by her boyfriend. He pictured her alone, crying in her bedroom, completely terrified, and the thoughts hurt him. He still disliked Caroline but now that he saw the complete and utter heartbreak in Elena's eyes, something hit him. There were alarming parallels to their situations that made his wheels turn in complete opposite directions than they had been all along.

"I'm sorry," he offered her softly.

"It's okay," he felt her wrap her arms more tightly around him. "There's more to it. Cade didn't just _die_ …Its worse than you probably think it is. There's a reason I still have nightmares, Damon," her voice broke and he rubbed her back. "I just don't think I'm strong enough to go there tonight. I'm sorry. I will be, soon. I don't want to lie to you…I just can't cry anymore right now…not tonight. This is a good night for us. I just want to remember _us_ right now…"

"Don't worry," he whispered, "I'm not going anywhere. I'll be here when you're ready. I'll be with you for a long as you'll let me," he found the remote control and pressed the power button to 'off' when she yawned. "I'll be here when you wake up, too, if you want,"

She nodded against him. "Then we should go in my bed," she mumbled against his shirt. "This couch is only comfortable for so long and I'm in no mood for Andie to be so drunk that she randomly decides she _does_ want to come home tonight,"

She'd never slept in a bed with him, just the sandy shore. She felt him lift her without saying a word. He maneuvered in the darkness, up the stairs and around the corner to the familiar room he'd been in so many times. He set her on the bed and clicked on a small, dim lamp, lighting the room just enough to get them situated. His eyes found her walls and he ached a little more. Her pictures were up again. Real pictures…ones he'd never seen before. Her brown-eyed boy was everywhere, watching over her every night.

She'd planned on telling him soon, he knew.

His hands moved to pull his shirt off before he turned the blankets down. He pulled her socks and shoes off slowly and snuck her jean shorts down. He pulled her shirt over hear head, leaving her just in a tank top. She watched him gratefully as he clicked the light off by the bed and pulled her into him. Her back fit nicely against his stomach and she smiled. Even though she'd just relived her biggest nightmares, he managed to make her feel safe. They laid in silence again for a few minutes. He thought she'd drifted asleep as her breathing mellowed and evened out into a calm rhythm. He was so glad she still wanted to talk.

"You make me want to believe in love again," she whispered. "But a part of me is still so afraid I'll hurt you. I'm still afraid I'll come between you and Chase. Now that you know a little bit about Cade...aren't _you_?"

"No," he said seriously. "You're braver and stronger than you think. Chase loves you too, Elena," she felt his lips press into the back of her neck and she shivered. "We both need you. Nothing will scare me away from you,"

She rolled over to face him, as her tears slid down her cheeks and onto her lips. She felt him scoot closer and press his lips on hers, enveloping her in his arms. It was late when she felt herself falling asleep in his arms. And some time before she crossed that line between the real world and the dream world, she heard herself say, "I wish I would've met you sooner…"

"Me too," he offered back, but she was already asleep.

When they woke in the morning they were tangled in each other's arms. She hadn't woken up screaming for the first time in a long time. There wasn't a trace of sadness or regret; they got ready for work as if it were any other Friday...it was just better to do it together. There was no mention of Cade, and her eyes were bright and happy. But as they drank their coffee and ate their pancakes something _was_ different. Damon saw a future he'd never known he wanted.

* * *

And now the sun was bright as they waited against that tree for Chase. "It's a new day, but I'm still not afraid of us," she reminded him. "It was actually nice to hear her say it. It made it seem real,"

She hadn't been anyone's 'girlfriend' in almost thirteen years. She hadn't let herself be that attached to someone since Jace, and their attachment had become forced and different after just a few months. She'd started seeing someone else two years after she broke up with Jace. It hadn't even gotten a chance to become serious. Her parents never even met the guy. They were barely in the beginning stages when everything came to a screeching halt the night her son died.

Jealousy and anger ripped through Jace when he found out she was dating someone again. Elena wasn't his anymore, but she wasn't supposed to be another man's. He lost his mind when he saw her with him; if she didn't want _him_, she'd lose everything.

But that was over, she reminded herself. The blue eyed man in front of her wasn't that stranger and he wasn't Jace. He was Damon, and he was everything to her in the blink of an eye. He was funny and sexy, but worry still sat behind those oceans.

"And what about you? I haven't even stopped to ask you how you're doing with all of this 'girlfriend' stuff,"

"I'm happy," he admitted. "I'm happier than I think I've ever been. I don't even think I felt like this when I was on my way to a career in the majors. I didn't think I even wanted this and now the thought of _not_ having it…" he pulled the enveloped out of his pocket again and realization clicked in her mind.

"The letter," she said with understanding. When shed talked to him about Caroline earlier, she hadn't stopped to remember the worry he'd issued the night before. But now it made sense. He was afraid of losing everything... "You aren't just afraid of them talking with him, are you? You think they're going to take him away from you…" she furrowed her eyebrows sadly. "You think he'll leave you…"

"I can't lose this, Elena," he said fearfully. Her heart soared at the hidden meaning behind his words, but she felt for him, too. "I can't lose any of this…"

Who'd have guessed when he'd let himself actually feel, he'd feel everything all at once?

"You _won't_," she smiled sadly.

"This is all temporary. I tell myself that, but it doesn't stick. None of this is even real. Letters like this remind me that none of its even mine _to_ lose," he heaved a sigh.

"That isn't true," she tilted her head and her hands slid up to the tops of his shoulders. "_I'm_ yours, Damon," she said softly but with certainty. "And if I have any say in it, you won't lose me. I meant what I said last night…okay?" She kissed him on the lips quickly and he nodded. "I want this with you,"

"But what about when he goes home or graduates from school and leaves…." He'd mentioned love, and he hadn't expected her to go that far, but he was still vulnerable about her in many ways. He'd given his heart away for the first time and he didn't want it back.

"I'll still want this with you," she assured him.

She carried the weight of her past on her shoulders, but Damon lightened the load. She'd never forget it, but the death of her son didn't have to be the absolute end of _her_ life, too. She'd fought hard to stay with Cade, but there'd been a reason God didn't let her in Jace's car that night. She was still supposed to live. It was hard to remember it back then, but she realized it now, she was fortunate to be alive. She was lucky to have the chance to grow up and to learn to love again. She could carry it with her and still move forward. It wasn't a death sentence.

"And even when he grows up or goes home…he won't forget you or what you've done for him," she continued, "You won't lose him, either. If he loves his parents, even after what they've done to him, he won't stop loving you. You've changed his life, Damon,"

"It won't be the same…" he admitted. "Look at me. Look what's happened to me. Feeling like this makes me remember why I avoided it for so long…but I don't want to stop. I was given people to love, even if I don't deserve it. When the three of us are together…it feels real, like I went from nothing to this wonderful automatic family. But we're _not_ a family, Elena. This _will_ end and that sucks,"

"It's nowhere even close to happening, Damon. Be confident. You're so sexy when you're confident," she whispered. "Don't let this crazy little letter ruin the rest of the day. We have plans for later, remember?" she smirked. "You won't be any fun tonight if you're all doom and gloom," she pouted and he heaved a sigh. He was done with the gloom just then, too.

"Oh, I'll be fun. We'll eat ice cream, then we'll drop Chase off at his friend's house..." he tucked the letter back into his pocket.

"And then?"

"I'll let you decide," he waggled his eyebrows. "I have a raincheck, if I remember right. I wouldn't mind redeeming it, but…" he smiled as he felt her move closer to him and press her lips against his for what seemed like minutes.

"Um…so you guys are like doing that in public now? On purpose?" Chase stared at them, wide-eyed. His baseball cleats fell out of his hand into the grass. The cat was out of the bag. "I don't know if this is awesome or gross…"

"Way to blow the surprise, _Elena_," Damon teased. "We were going to tell you over ice cream but she's just too antsy. Can't keep her pretty little hands off me," he shrugged and Elena rolled her eyes. Just because they were together didn't mean their spark of fun had to die. He hoped it never would. He'd tease her forever if he could.

"Come on," she pulled away from Damon's arms and put her hand on the top of Chase's hat. "Save your Salvatore banter for later. I'm hungry and ice cream waits for no one," she wiggled her eyebrows back at them and walked to the car.

* * *

They had just finished their cones and were walking back to the parking lot when things took a serious turn.

"So…your grandma said something interesting today," Damon got into the car and turned the ignition. "She said you were clueless when the police came to pick up your dad,"

Elena frowned. Damon might be wising up in the feelings department, but he still had no concept of the right place or right time to bring up serious issues. "Maybe we should wait, hm?"

Chase shook his head, ignoring her. "Yep,"

"What's that supposed to mean?" Damon frowned, watching him in the rearview mirror.

"It means they don't _know_ I was the one to call, Damon, okay?" he raised his voice. "I called it in anonymously. I've never told anyone before. Not even Grandma. I didn't want them to know what I saw. When the police asked me questions, I said I didn't' see my dad kill him. I stayed vague. I didn't tell them what I did see…"

Elena's heart sank and Damon's fists tightened on the wheel. "What? Chase, you lied to the police?"

"I didn't lie. I just didn't tell them everything. Mom's in enough trouble as it is," he said honestly. "I didn't want to say anything that would make it worse. I couldn't say what I saw, what I heard. I couldn't tell them I saw Mom holding that statue. Dad was hugging her. He took the statue out of her hand and wiped it off before he rubbed his own hands all over it...his blood. He told her to keep quiet. That's all I heard. Then I ran away and called the police before he could see. I threw the phone in a neighbor's garbage and I went back to the backyard like I didn't see anything...but I stayed out of sight. No one knew,"

"Oh my God," Damon yelled. "Your father is even more of an idiot than I thought!" He knew Stefan was stupid about Caroline, but this was too far. He was angry with him, he'd never forgive him for his mistakes, but he didn't' deserve to be in prison for _her_ mistakes. Whatever went down that night didn't match up with what the police knew. If there was even a chance that Stefan hadn't killed him….

His head was ready to explode. Regardless of who'd actually killed him, Stefan had helped. He was still guilty of something. Caroline was on the streets, free to do drugs and live her life as if nothing had happened. She was using him again, and that wasn't okay. Stefan was still family, no matter how many mistakes he'd made. He tried to make his Mom feel guilty for the very same crime he was committing. As many times as he'd tried to walk away from him, he simply couldn't. It was a demon he'd never drop.

"Are you saying you think your _Mom_ hit the drug dealer and your Dad covered for her?"

"I don't know!" He yelled. "I just know my Dad never wanted anything to happen to my mom. And the man's blood was on him already, before he took the statue. I think he beat him, too. I don't know what happened. I called the police. That's _all_…"

"Why wouldn't you tell them?" Elena asked, horrified. Her head was spinning. The entire time she'd told Damon Chase needed to make his own decisions about talking to his parents, but now it was completely different. Caroline was more dangerous than she knew. And Stefan…the reason he wasn't angry with Chase wasn't because he was trying to reach out to him and apologize. He didn't _know_ Chase had turned him in. That changed her opinion on _everything_. If he found out his son had called it in...

Her fears were interrupted when Chase spoke again,

"Because when we got home that night Dad told me he'd just done something that was about to change everything. He said dinner was off and that we couldn't go back there for awhile. He told me not to ask Mom about it, so I didn't. Mom makes bad decisions because she doesn't know better. The drugs confuse her," he sighed.

"That's not an excuse for what she might've done!" Damon yelled. "He's teaching you to lie and cover up for her….that bastard…I could rip him into…"

"Just…" Elena breathed, setting her hand on his knee. She was afraid, too. "Just wait til we get home, okay? You're driving and…"

"I'm fine to drive, Elena," he assured her. "I'm just floored right now. I can't believe this bullshit!"

"Anyway, when they arrested him, he admitted it right away. If mom really did have something to do with it, Dad did a damn good job of covering it up. They talked to her but never got anything on her. Dad wanted it that way, I guess. Whatever really happened doesn't matter now. Dad's in prison for awhile. They're both stupid. He'll eventually get out and everything will be okay."

"Okay? Chase, a man is _dead!" _Damon screamed. "And you're keeping what you know a secret.

"I'm afraid, okay?" Chase yelled and Elena closed her eyes, willing herself to stay strong. It wasn't her place to intercede, but it was getting rougher than she'd imagined.

"I get that...I do...But let me get this straight...you lied in court?" Damon's voice was loud and afraid. "Do you know how _stupid _that is? Do you know how much trouble you could get in for not saying anything? Chase you have to think of yourself first! You gotta say 'fuck them' and take care of _you,"_

_"_Hey..." Elena frowned.

"Look, I'm sorry, But you're killing me here, Chase. Your parents futures are shot. Yours isn't. I don't want you to get in trouble..." Damon begged. "Lying isn't..."

"I didn't lie!" He yelled. "I didn't have to! I never testified, okay?"

* * *

**A/N: Another big one, but the drama has just begun. Next chapter there'll be an even bigger explosion of emotions as we take a peek into the horrible night when it all began. I chose to not incorporate a Jace scene in this chapter because I wanted it to be just about Damon and Elena for once. They deserve it. And while she started to open up about it, she needs something else to propel her to release it all. It's coming and it's heartbreaking, but I can't wait to get over the hump so the dust can finally settle. I look forward to your thoughts on this.**

**Thanks again! **


	12. Fix You

**A/N: I'm just going to let this one do it's own there here and leave the explaining for afterward. The first scene is a flashback then we'll flip into present. There are more flashbacks to come throughout the chapter. I've bolded the ones that are flashing through Elena's mind as she deals with the present issues. I chose not to bold the first one, as it's more a quick look into what happened before the big night. **

**This chapter uses Coldplay's "Fix You" **

* * *

**All At Once**

**Chapter 11: Fix You**

"Hey, nice shot! Are you sure you haven't done this before?" Elena crouched down by her three-year-old son. He'd just made his first shot in the mini basketball hoop she'd bought him. Cade shook his head and smiled brightly. "You're like a pro already!"

"Thanks, Momma!" He jumped up to slap her hand in celebration. "Hey, Matt, do you wanna play now?" He bounced the ball over to him happily. He and Elena had been out on three dates, but it was only the second time he'd seen her son. He looked nervous, but willing to get to know the small boy.

"Yeah, okay," he smiled, grabbing the ball he ball a few times and climbing down onto his knees to take a shot at the mini basket. He missed on purpose and Cade laughed. Elena smiled at their interaction. Cade hadn't spent much time with men other than her father. She hadn't seen Jace in almost two years. Kat was quick to tell her when he visited.

Matt was the first guy she tried to date since Jace. Once she'd rid him from their lives, she tried to stay confident and brave. At 19-years-old, she already felt so grown. She'd sacrificed the simplest things to take care of her son. School dances and pep rallies weren't nearly as important as spending time with Cade. After graduation, she attended a community college and worked part time at a coffee shop. She lived at home to save money, and had almost made enough to get her own place. She deserved a chance at happiness, she knew. Just because Jace had done her wrong, it didn't mean she had to avoid men forever.

"You missed again!" Cade's laughter was loud; it sounded throughout the neighborhood. "I'll show you how to do it!" Cade grabbed the ball, dribbled a few times and jumped, sending the ball into the tiny hoop. Elena clapped and threw her head back in laughter. She ran up to her little son and swept him up in her arms, spinning around in circles as he giggled. "Cade Pierce wins the game!" He yelled. "I'm the best!"

Matt laughed and rubbed his hand in Cade's fluffy brown hair when the spinning came to a stop. She set Cade down and felt Matt brush her hair off her shoulder. She heard a car door slam and instinctively looked across the street.

Then she saw him. Her stomach dropped as he stood with clenched fists, staring at the three of them in the drive-way. His footsteps were slow and deliberate. He _wanted_ her to panic, to feel guilty that she was with someone else.

"Well, Elena…you're still beautiful" he motioned to touch her face and she pulled away, backing up to stand by Matt. Jace scoffed when she held Cade against her leg.

"What? For God's sake, you act like I'm a criminal!" his voice was laced with bitterness. "Can't I come home to see my family without everyone assuming I'm up to no good?"

"No, you can't," Elena said seriously. "You haven't cared for three years. You haven't really bothered with him at all since he was born, and now you show up and act like nothing happened. Of course you're up to something!"

"Hey Cade," he bent down by him and bounced the ball a few times. "Remember me? I'm your Daddy." The little boy nodded slowly. He knew who Jace was, but only through pictures. He didn't remember a thing about him. Elena didn't talk about him much; it was too painful and he was still too small to understand.

"Don't touch him," Elena swatted Jace's hand away from their son, but he caught it and wrapped his hands tightly around her wrists. "And don't touch me, either. Just leave, Jace," she freed herself after a few yanks. But he didn't move. He stared into her eyes, slowly unnerving her. His arrogant smile reminded her of all the ways he'd controlled when they were together. But her courage only wavered for a moment as she remembered how much better life was without him.

"Hey, she said leave," Matt reminded him, stepping up in his face.

"Who the hell are you?" He spat, but Elena saw the shift wash over him. His charming, majestic eyes dimmed with envy.

Elena covered Cade's ears and pulled him closer to her.

"I'm Matt, but it doesn't matter. She said she wants you to go…so go…" they were a foot apart, and Elena watched both sets of fists clench and release over and over again.

"What, are you her boyfriend or something?" He laughed, covering his jealousy."I've got news for you. She's not available. This is _my_ family. Elena is the mother of _my_ child. If anyone's leaving, it's you, got it?" his hands went up to shove Matt's chest and Elena squeezed her eyes shut.

Once she collected her thoughts, she realized it was time to separate Cade from the situation. Matt didn't need to be involved. She didn't need him fighting her battles. Jace's problem was with Elena, not him. She raised her voice happily, stopping them before fists started flying.

"Hey, why don't you go play basketball right over there for a little while, Cade? We'll get some popsicles in a few minutes. Sound good?" Her voice was sweet and confident, as it always was with her little boy. He was her number one priority. She'd have done anything to keep him happy and safe; he made her life worth living.

"Okay, Mommy," he smiled and walked a few feet away. They heard the basketball bouncing and continued their conversation.

"I'll watch him," Matt set his hand on her shoulder and heaved a sigh, sensing they needed alone time. She nodded appreciatively as Matt sat on the driveway watching Cade shoot hoops.

When she turned back to Jace, he wore a twisted smile. "I knew you'd see things my way. We're meant to be together,"

"You're absolutely ridiculous!" Elena laughed. "You walked out on us!"

"Baby, you broke up with _me._ You pushed me away from my son. It took me years to get the nerve to come back…" he frowned, touching her chin. "And now I have, but it seems you've moved on…"

"I moved on years ago. I had to. I don't know what _you've_ been doing for the past two years, but I've been working hard to give Cade a life as close to normal as possible. Trust me, it isn't always easy when his little friends' dads are around and his isn't. But when I said I was done, I meant it. You're not going to come back here and change my mind. We're good. We don't need you,"

"He's my son. You can't just keep him from me, Elena," he shook his head and walked over the the tiny hoop where the little boy stood. "You want to spend time with me, don't you buddy?"

"I don't know," he said reluctantly and looked up at his mother. Tears slid down her face at the tragedy of it all. Life was nothing like she'd hoped it would be three years ago.

"Matt? Can you take him inside and find some popsicles?" She tried to be brave for her son. She didn't want to scare him. She walked over to them and lifted Cade to hand him to Matt. "I'll be right in. I just need a minute here," she kissed Cade on the forehead and turned back to Jace angrily.

As soon as they were out of sight, Elena blew a gasket. "What the hell do you want?"

"I want you, Elena. I want you back. I love you…" he said softly. "I was stupid, okay? But look, I'm different now. I'm older. I've dated other women, and they were _nothing _compared to you. I know we were kids, but you're the best thing that ever happened to me. I miss you," he flashed the enchanting smile he'd used to seduce her when she was fifteen. She fallen for everything he said back then, but she was much smarter now.

"I don't believe you," she shook her head and laughed. "I don't believe a damn word that comes out of your mouth. You said you loved me, but if you loved me, you wouldn't have treated me the way you did. If you loved me you would've taken responsibility for your son. You wouldn't have made me feel like I was stupid for wanting him. You don't love me. You never did. You just wanted to control someone, and I was too naïve to see that,"

"But you love me. You still need me. You're mine, remember? We're a family," his voice buckled.

"No we aren't, Jace. What don't you understand about this? We _were_ a family until you didn't want to be a dad. You decided that. Now I'm deciding," she spat. "I don't want you around him right now. Just…just give it time, okay? If you still feel like this in a few months, we'll talk about it, but you don't get to randomly show up and decide you want to be his father again. It isn't fair to him," she shook her head.

"Fine, but I'll be back. You'll see I'm good for you, Elena," he shook his head. "You'll see that Matt guy can't take care of you like I could. He won't love you like I do. No one could ever love you more than I do…" his words were wild, bitter. He said them to convince himself. "You'll want me back,"

"Just leave, okay? Please! You and I will never be together again. I don't love you anymore. I love our son, that's the only part of you I still love," she bit the words out. "You still make me sick. There is _no_ chance I will ever go for you again, so get it out of your head," his green eyes darkened in anger, "And if you care about Cade, you'll just go away until he's ready. He doesn't know you. You'll scare him. I'm not saying you can never see him. I'm just saying not now,"

"But I don't want _just_ him," he frowned.

"Exactly," Elena shook her head sadly. "Nothing's changed. Go away…" she spun around and walked in her house confidently. She'd stood up to him again and it felt good. He'd knocked her down for a few minutes, but she'd come out on top. She'd become a strong woman in the three years she'd had to raise a child alone. The only right decision she'd made when it came to Jace was leaving him.

* * *

Elena's head pounded. The car was hot and sticky and the moon shined through the passenger window. She'd ridden in his car tons of times, but suddenly it seemed cramped. Her chest tightened in a near claustrophobic attack as the walls of their happy little faux family caved in around her.

"So you just refused to speak in court?" His hands tightened and loosened on the steering wheel as they sat at a red light, driving home from getting their ice cream. "Just flat out refused…"

"Yep," Chase's response was quick and snappy. He'd checked out minutes ago, after he'd said too much about what he saw. He was done feeling sorry for himself about the life his parents led. The shorter the answer, the quicker it would end, he thought. But Damon wouldn't drop it so easily. He'd gone from inquisitive to obsessive in a matter of moments.

"Yep? That's all you have to say to me?" His voice rattled with shock. The information Chase had just told him was game changing. He couldn't shut down when he'd just gotten started. He expected more than a one word answer after a confession like that.

A month ago it might have been acceptable, but they were closer now, he thought. Chase seemed closed off and disinterested now, as if he regretted telling them anything at all. Damon wasn't ready to go backwards in their relationship, but he chose the wrong way to show it.

"Pretty much," he shrugged. "Can we just talk not talk about this anymore?" he unwound his headphones and started to put them in his ears when Damon caught it in the rearview mirror. "I'm tired from school and my game, and I'm tired of _talking_,"

"No. Take the headphones out," Damon said seriously. "I am _talking_ to you, Chase." He raised his voice, desperate for the boy to listen.

She closed her eyes and told herself to stay out of it. She'd already said enough.

Damon shook his head as flares of anger and sadness and confusion shot through him. Chase didn't see the bigger picture. He didn't understand the risk he took by keeping his mouth shut. Damon wasn't angry with him for being afraid; he was worried there'd be consequences for his silence.

"No," he frowned and moved to put his headphones in again.

"Chase…" Elena said softly, unable to keep silent any longer. She turned around to look at him for a moment before her head crashed into her hands. Damon was hell bent on winning the argument with his nephew; he didn't notice the woman he was falling for was crumbling into pieces right next to him. It was still all so new to him, she knew, but she wished he'd realize how ridiculous he was being.

"You can't say no to me!" Damon barked and Elena's heart pounded in worry. He'd held her so sweetly the night before; the words that had escaped his lips had taken her breath away. This wasn't him. This wasn't her Damon.

She'd have done anything for silence, a chance for everyone to breathe and just stop yelling. But she wouldn't get her wish this time. Damon's blue eyes were panicky, crazed. She didn't buy the angry front he tried to so hard to put on; he was fighting the ghost of selfish man he used to be. He buried his insecurities with caustic words.

He'd been gentle and amazing with both Elena and Chase, but every now and then he forgot. Once in a while he fell back into his pompous, self-serving ways. He used the techniques that had worked for him the past. He demanded until he got what he wanted.

They were twenty minutes from Damon's apartment, but time moved at a snail's pace. Her heart weakened a little more each time they yelled. Damon and Chase weren't just anyone…they were her new life and they were at each other's throats, screaming things they didn't mean.

She reached across the seat again, touching his tensed arm.

"Please, not now. Please Damon…just wait. This isn't safe. You're all wound up…" she pled, but he heard nothing.

He was too lost and out of control. His emotions were all over the place and he absolutely hated it. He was supposed to know what to do in this situation and he didn't. After two months, he still worried he'd fail at raising his nephew. His carefree demeanor was gone the second Chase started talking about the night of the murder. It was replaced with a demanding version that used to suit him well. He couldn't think straight enough to realize he was hurting them in the process. All he could see was Chase putting himself at risk by keeping his mouth closed. He didn't know how to express his worry, so he yelled instead, as he used to do.

"I'm not kidding, Chase…" he warned, staring straight out the windshield again for a moment. "I"m not asking, I'm telling you to take them out. NOW!"

Elena cringed. She couldn't sit there idly while he barked at Chase, even if she knew he didn't really _mean_ it. She understood he was upset but there was no reason for the way he was acting. Chase was a tired kid who just wanted to escape from reality for a night. There'd be other nights to talk, but Damon didn't see that. There weren't grey areas this time; it was all then and there, or never.

She'd told Damon time and time again to put Chase first, to make him his top priority. She'd encouraged them to talk alone so he understood their relationship and the boundaries that came with it. Many times Damon had begged her to sit on their conversations and she'd refused, saying it wasn't her place. And now that she was smack dab in the middle of it all, it was easy to remember why she'd kept her distance. Their fallout was heartbreaking.

She'd always feared she'd come between them. Fear drove a lot of her decisions. Her reasoning wasn't always clear to others, but it made sense to her. Their relationship was delicate and new, but from what she could gather, it was stronger than the one either of them shared with Stefan.

And as she fought her inner demons, she realized her panic stemmed from a blend of past and present. Cade and Jace, Damon and Chase; it was getting harder and harder to separate the pain as she heard the arguing and felt Damon's driving become more jagged and reckless. Angery driving wasn't something she tolerated.

She watched Chase push his headphones in further and sighed. The Salvatore boys were both too stubborn for their own good. Nothing would get resolved unless one of them broke. She just didn't expect it to be her.

"Take the damn headphones out or I'm throwing them out the window," Damon yelled. "I don't like repeating myself,"

She sat another moment, hoping she wouldn't have to interrupt again, that he'd just listen to her and drop it until later. But he didn't.

Chase turned on his Mp3 player and it was the final straw. "This is unbelievable. You pick _now_ to defy me. Now! After _that_ conversation! You're just shutting off on me?" He shook his head and tipped it backwards, staring at the roof of the car for a minute.

"Hey! Pay attention to what you're doing…" Elena gasped and pointed to the windshield as he started to cross onto the shoulder of the road, "I don't like this. I think you should pull over. Let me drive," she pled, but she was in no shape to drive, either. She was moments away from a complete mental meltdown and they were too busy arguing to see her gradual descent.

She'd covered her tears, hidden her breakdowns over the years. People hadn't seen just how bad it got…not even her parents. Tears, yes; sobbing; yes, but not a full blown breakdown. Not the hysteria that consumed her when those images tore through her mind. They were too close now, closer than they had been in months. The yelling, the swerving car…

"Leave it _alone_, Elena," Damon warned and she frowned, surprised at the way he'd shot off at her. She hadn't done anything but try to calm him down. He was upset, she knew. It wasn't personal, but it still hurt. It was one of the only times she'd been there for one of their big moments and the minute she'd opened her mouth, he'd snapped on her. She fell silent as her stomach began to churn with memories.

_**"You said you loved me, Elena. Why won't you love me anymore…." Jace's panicky, drunken voice ripped through her brain. She could almost still feel him stepping closer to her, the alcohol on his breath blowing hotly on her face as he followed her around her house. **_

Chase swallowed nervously as he heard them start to bicker over him. If there was one thing loved about staying with Damon it was that he was fun. He and Elena weren't overly serious about the little things. They made things fun.

If there was one thing he hated about the way his parents interacted, it was that they fought. Stefan bent over backwards to please Caroline after a fight. That was the trouble; she always won.

"Just take the headphones out, Chase. Please….." Elena pled, exhausted. He exhaled, seeing the sadness in her eyes and pulled them out. He stared forward, his face emotionless and cold. He loved them; he didn't want to disappoint them, but this was something he just couldn't talk about.

"So you listen to her but not me?" Damon laughed bitterly, unaware that he was hurting everyone, including himself.

"Damon, he listened. That's all that matters. Ease up on him..." She frowned, but he couldn't connect why her voice sounded so strained. His head blocked out the painful story she'd started the night before. Still, Elena pushed on without anger or resentment. She wouldn't hold the fact that he didn't know her whole situation against him. For the first time in his life he was faced with something bigger than he understood and all she wanted to do was support him.

Damon _did_ know, however, that Chase had complete control over both the conversation and the situation_._ It rattled him that he wasn't in charge for once. He oozed authority and confidence in the business world, but a fourteen year old boy was stomping all over him and he couldn't do a thing about it.

"I said I don't want to talk about it anymore," Chase repeated. "You can't make me,"

"The hell I can't!" He roared, pushing hard on the brake when they approached a red light.

"Stop it!" The words shot out of Elena's lips in a panic. "You're not even talking about anything anymore! You're talking about _talking_! This is ridiculous!" She tried to force a smile to cover up her pain, but it was evident in her voice.

Chase heard the trouble in her tone and realized he wasn't just being stubborn; he was hurting the people he loved, too. They were suffering for him. The pain in her voice was enough to break him, but he wouldn't let Damon see the reasoning behind his sudden cooperation. He didn't want them to argue again, especially not over him.

"Fine, talk!" Chase yelled. "Just yell at me and get it over with," he mumbled. He'd rather Damon yell at him than snap at Elena again. They were one big mess, he realized.

"Listen to me. This is not an option anymore. You are going to tell the police what you know,"

"No, I'm not. I don't want my parents to know it was me. They'll hate me. My Dad will never forgive me…" he shouted, begging for understanding. Elena's heart dropped at his words. Her greatest fears came alive, and her worst nightmares flashed before her eyes, whipping her away from her Savlatore's and throwing her back to the Pierce's.

* * *

_**"Where is he, Elena? Where's my son? I want to take him to play at the park," Jace pushed past her and strode through the front door of her house, finding his way to the staircase. **_

_**He staggered drunkenly, standing on each step for a few seconds before lifting his foot to find the next. His vision was blurred as he passed the many pictures of Cade throughout his three years of life. "See what I've missed? I know what I've missed, Elena…" he shouted. "I want you back...I love you…"outside her front door sat an empty bottle of gin. **_

_** "He's not here! Go home Jace, you're drunk. He's not here, okay? He's at early preschool," she cried and she hoped his inebriation would keep him from seeing right through her lies. **_

_**Cade was very much there. He was taking his afternoon nap a behind a closed door a few feet away from them. She just had to get Jace out of the house before he made it all the way up the stairs.**_

_** "I came to prove to you that I'm better now," he hiccupped. "I'm here to spend time with my son. See? We can be a family again. You can love me again because I'm ready to be his dad now, Elena…" he pressed his hand against the wall and breathed closely on her face. It was very reminiscent of their first meeting in Kat's hallway, but this time his eyes were stormy green and sickened her. His smile was deadly. The worst part was that he sounded genuinely depressed that he wasn't in their lives. He was drunk, but he wasn't angry. He was desperate. He was begging her….**_

_** "I didn't know what I had until you left me…come on, Elena. I'm gonna love him now. You don't want him growing up without a father, do you?"**_

_** "It's too late, Jace. I told you that last month. And you're not proving anything. You think, if he were here, that I'd let him get in a car with you while you're drunk? You can't think I'm that stupid! And you think I'm going to fall back in love with you? You've got to be kidding. You've got to be out of your damn mind…" Jace stared at her sadly, moving his lips down to kiss her on the cheek. She pushed him away as his lips lingered on her skin a little too long, as she'd used to love. **_

_** "I'm your first love, Elena. You'll never find better than this…"**_

_** "Get off me, please. Don't make me call the police!" She threatened. Later she'd blame herself for **_**not**_** calling sooner.**_

_** But the shoving stopped when they heard a door creak open. Elena's eyes closed and a tear rolled down her cheek. She was done for.**_

_** "Momma, can I get up now?" Cade asked innocently through the small opening of his door. **_

_** The need left Jace's eyes and anger ripped through him at her betrayal.**_

"_**You lying bitch…" He whispered through gritted teeth, pushing her against the wall before the door opened enough for Cade to see them.**_

* * *

"Just listen to him, Damon. He doesn't want to talk. It's going to be fine…" she begged, finding her way back to the present. "We're all going to be fine. We're going to work this out. We'll be safe. Just stop yelling…"

"It's not fine. Do you have any idea the kind of risk he's putting himself in? He's involved me, he's involved you…. We could all get in trouble because he's unwilling…" he explained sadly, confirming Elena's thoughts on his panic. He wasn't angry. He was paranoid, and afraid to admit it.

He continued, "We don't know the whole story. Chase, keeping this quiet is dangerous. There may be even more people involved. Do you realize you could get hurt if someone else really did know you were there? What if that guy had people around who saw you? What if they didn't say anything because they didn't want to be associated with it…" his mind dreamt up crazy scenarios.

"That's why I'm not doing it! The risk of saying something is worse than staying quiet!"

"It's not your decision anymore. You're going to talk to the police. I'm calling right now," he pulled out his phone and started to dial, but the car swerved again and Elena audibly sobbed. Damon frowned, worried for a moment, but Chase's shouting tore him away again.

"I'm not talking. I won't say a word, Damon! I swear to God…"

"Don't mouth off to me! I said you're doing it, so you're doing it!"

"You're not my father!" Chase yelled without thinking. Damon's mouth dropped open. His throat was hot and achy. He was stunned. He'd never heard such devastating words in his life.

"You're right! I'm not! I'd never lie to you like he does! I'd never ask you to do the wrong thing!" the words ripped out of Damon's mouth like wildfire.

"Okay, that's enough!" Elena yelled and they both stopped. She rarely raised her voice. Her approach was calm and mellow, the perfect mix of sensitive and serious. But her tone was fierce and her eyes blazed with desperation. "Stop it," she lowered her voice back down to a strained whisper. "Pull over now…" she cried.

"Damn it, Chase! Can't you see I'm doing this because I love you?" He yelled and his voice broke.

* * *

_**"Hey Cade…remember me? I'm your Daddy. Did you have a good nap?" Jace bent down before him. **_

_** "Um, yes," he stared down at his Spider-Man figure. He stood in blue and red pajamas and his eyes were red from where he'd rubbed them. **_

_**Hey, do you think you'd want to hang out with me?" he hiccupped.**_

_** "I don't know…" he looked up, who shook her head wildly, afraid to get too close. For a moment she wished she'd told Cade how untrustworthy his father was. She'd been too afraid to scare him, but now her fear backfired and everyone was hurt.**_

_** "No baby, no…you can't go Cade, okay?" she cried, walking over to his room slowly. "You can't go with Daddy today…"the last thing she wanted to do was frighten him, but she was desperate to get him away from Jace. **_

_** "Why?" his brown eyes were innocent. His hair stuck up in funny place from how he'd slept.**_

_** "Because Daddy's sick…he's sad and he's sick. You can't go with him. I'm sorry, Cade. I'm sorry Daddy's too sick… " she bit her lip and frowned. She **_**was**_** sorry. She wished things were different for them. Even though she never wanted to be with Jace again, she still wished he cared about their son. She wished he wasn't just there to prove a point, that he wasn't drunk…. **_

_** "No, I'm fine! I'm fine, Cade! I love you, buddy. I just want to see you, okay?"**_

_** "Don't do this to him, Jace…please," she pled, with swollen eyes. She wished more than anything her parents were home…that Kat was over…that Mason was there, Matt…anyone. She couldn't be alone. Words meant nothing to Jace and they never had. She could threaten him til she was blue in the face and it wouldn't do a damn thing. **_

_**She was a fighter but he was physically bigger, stronger than her. He'd win and she didn't know what she'd do. It wasn't a matter of 'if.' It was a matter of 'when.'**_

_** "Do I look sick to you?" He lifted Cade up in the air and hugged him before he hiccupped. **_

_** "Nu-uh," he shook his head and laughed. "You don't look sick!"**_

_** "Put him down. Give him to me," she screamed as he started walking toward the stairs, pulling out his keys. "Don't Jace…don't be stupid. You can't even drive yourself safely. How did you even get here? You're not taking him…" she tried to remain calm. Yelling would upset him more, she knew, but she couldn't stay quiet as he stated walking down the stairs with her baby boy in his arms. **_

_** "Why are you crying Momma?" **_

_**Elena ran down the stairs, chasing them outside when she lost sight of those big brown orbs. **_

_** "Damn it, Jace!" She ran over to his car, but he slammed the door closed and locked it Cade inside before she could reach him. "You are NOT taking him! You're not!" She tried the handles of each door over and over again but it was no use**_

_** "Pull up on the locks, baby!" She yelled, motioning how to do it. But every time his little hands tried, Jace just pressed the lock button on his keychain. Elena was panicked as Cade's eyes saddened. He tiny hands were pressed against the glass. He looked terrified. Through the glass, she could hear him scream for her as tears ran down his face. He didn't deserve it. He didn't deserve to be in the middle of any of it. **_

_** She couldn't think. She couldn't breathe. Her fists slammed on the windows, trying to break the one furthest from him. She screamed and she cried but no one was around to hear. "Don't do this! He's not even in a car seat!"**_

_** "We're just going down the road a bit. I'll bring him right back. I promise…" he slurred.**_

* * *

"Don't Damon…" she cried. "Stop it. Don't make him do something he doesn't want to do!" She cried. "You're not thinking clearly!"

"You're not thinking of his safety," Damon begged softly. His wheels started turning as he finally started to process the scene before him. She seemed frenzied, paranoid.

"Yes I _am! _Stefan doesn't know…he doesn't _know_, Damon. If Chase tells the police what he knows and Stefan finds out it was him that called the cops…if Stefan _isn't_ in jail for as long as he's supposed to be, he's going to be angry. He's going to flip out at Chase…who knows what he'll do! He threw you through a window!"

"What?" Chase whispered, but no one heard. He filed that piece of information in the back of his mind. He'd save that question for a better time, he thought.

Elena continued to scream, not realizing what she'd just revealed. "He beat a man to death, or at least helped…you can't do this to Chase. You _can't_…" she panted. He face was desperate and afraid and she searched for air. Her brain fled to the past and she snapped. "Don't do this…"

Slowly, he snapped out of his rage when he finally took the time to hear the instability of her words.

"Elena, hey…" Damon blinked as she slowly melted down. Every other thought went on the back burner. The terror in her eyes on the beach had nothing on this. She looked lost, as if she didn't know where she was. He slowed his driving, confused and angry with himself for being so inconsiderate and not paying attention to her.

"Damn it, Damon. If this is the way you're going to be, I need to get out of this car…"

"It's nothing for _you_ to get worked up about. This is between me and Chase. You're fine…"

She tried to swallow. "I can't breathe…"

"What?" his eyes went wide. He swore his heart stopped beating for just a moment, until she yelled again.

"I can't watch you argue like this! I can't argue with you," She shook her head wildly. "You need to settle down! You're not paying attention. You're being irresponsible. You want what you want. You're not listening to him. You're not listening to what he wants. _You're_ the one not thinking about him…" she yelled as tears fell wildly from her eyes. "You will not do this in a car! Pull over and scream at each other on the side of the road, but I am _not_ letting you drive like this anymore!"

"Elena, please…" his words slowed. "Take it easy…breathe. I'll take you home. Okay? We'll just go home...or you can stay there and Chase and I will work this out on our own. We're fine…really…" he tried to comfort her, but it was too late. She was past the point of relaxing. She was moments away from completely imploding before their eyes.

The boy was silent as he watched the scene before him. Elena was right; they were arguing, and it upset him more than they knew.

"I'm supposed to just let you drive around with him like this? You can't do that! You can't just take him. I won't let you…" she shook her head and pressed her palms into her eyes. The situations were different. Damon wanted to help Chase. Jace had wanted to prove a point. Damon wasn't being mean, he was being responsible. Jace was the most irresponsible man she'd ever known. But the memories were storming in her brain now. The thought of Stefan being angry with Chase sent her over the edge. It made the two stories blend together as they never should have.

She pushed her elbows into her thighs and rocked her head back and forth. It had been years since she'd lost it like this. It was harder to see Damon and too easy to see Jace.

She'd completely forgotten who she was with; she just saw _them_….

"What? Take him? Elena…" Damon's heart broke when he realized just _where_ her brain was then. She was in another place, in another time. She was with Jace and Cade on perhaps their very last night alive. The nausea set in when he realized he couldn't bring Elena back to the present, back to him. It wasn't so easy. First she'd need to break.

"I won't let you do this…" she clawed at her hair as she completely unraveled.

"Lena…" he pulled to the side of the road as she'd requested. "I'm stopping…look…I'm parking. I can take Chase home and you and I can talk…we're okay. You're okay, right? It was just a little disagreement…we're all here, we're all safe…" His stomach was knotted, cramped. _He'd_ done this to her. He hadn't listened and he'd pushed her too far. He loved her; he was supposed to protect her and help her, not drive her to _this, _he thought. And for the first time since he'd known her, he wished he was in her head, seeing the same thing she was. It would be easier to help her if he knew exactly what was going on.

His heart sank as her car door opened and she slid out to get fresh air. She looked to the night sky for a minute before she sunk down on the dirty road, leaning against his tire. The cool California breeze kissed her skin, reminding her that she was still alive.

"No…don't sit down there…" he ran out of the car just as she'd taken her place. "Hey, come here…look at me…" He crouched down in front of her and scooped her chin up in his hands. But her eyes were glued shut; she was still fighting it. "You gotta breathe. You have to tell me what's going on…"

They hadn't seen it, but Chase had stepped out of the car and was staring from a few feet away. He wanted to apologize and hug her, but his feet were cemented to the ground when he heard her scream.

She was near hyperventilation. "Cade…" she gasped. "Cade…"

Damon sat down next to her and wrapped her quaking body in his arms. "Oh Elena…" his voice was pained and shattered. He reached for her hand and she let him, but her body was shaking and her eyes were closed.

"Cade's not here…" he said sadly and she gasped again. "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry…." He still didn't understand, but he could tell her son's death had happened quickly and unexpectedly. She hadn't had time to say goodbye, it seemed. He let her cry for a few minutes until she found herself again in the present again and could speak.

"I know…" She cringed, her breath jumping in her throat. "I just want him to be…" She shook her head against his shoulder and he heaved a powerless sigh.

"Me too…" Damon admitted. He'd only known who the small boy was for 24 hours, but he'd had enough time to wrap his head around it. Cade and Chase would've been classmates. They could've been friends. They could've been like brothers. The thoughts of what might have been killed him. The 'what if's' were painful to think about; it was no wonder Elena didn't dote on them, he thought.

She was silent for a few more moments, staring out into the field beside them. Chase's fists were balled tightly as he stood across the way. He was angry with _himself_, confused.

"I wish I could bring him back. I wish I could fix it, but I can't," he shook his head. "But you aren't alone anymore. You're here with us." Damon swallowed. "And no matter how stupid or inexperienced we are with any of this, we aren't going anywhere. We love you, Elena," She swallowed, warmed by the meaning behind his words. He'd included Chase to lighten the moment, but she heard him loud and clear. _He_ loved her.

Chase's fists loosened and he pulled off his cap. His hair was sweaty and stuck to his forehead. Slowly his feet carried him over to that tire. He'd never seen her so upset. He'd never seen her upset _period_. He was completely confused but he didn't care. This wasn't his Elena. She was always happy and supportive. She was always there for him. It was his turn to be there for her, regardless of how oblivious he was. He was just a kid, but he knew what it was like to feel alone.

Elena felt his warm shoulder touch hers and she opened her glassy eyes slowly. They were swollen, red seas of terror. "Elena?" He said carefully when she met his worried gaze. "I'm sorry I made you upset…" he was ashamed.

"No Chase," she shook her head. "It isn't your fault. You didn't do anything. This is all me. It's all in my head," she sniffled. "I got in the way and look what happened," her hands went up to straighten his messy bangs as she sighed. Her heard was clearing. The fog before her eyes dissipated; she was able to see how worried they were about her, but her memories still ate away at her.

"No…" Damon wrapped his fingers in hers. "I was stupid. I shouldn't have yelled. And I shouldn't have yelled at you either, Chase," he sighed, "It's just that I can't bear the thought of anything happening to either of you…" his fingers clawed angrily at his face. "Let's go home. We don't have to talk about your dad anymore tonight," He looked at Chase. "And Elena, we don't have to talk about Cade anymore tonight, either…"

"Yes, we do…" she breathed, tipping her head against the tire. "I need to tell you…both of you. You need to know and I need to say it. I have to finally get this out," she licked her lips and her voice quivered. A chill went through her and she shivered. "This will be with me forever. If _you_ want to be with me, you deserve to know, Damon,"

Damon shook his head again and pulled himself up to a squatting position in front of her.

"Then we aren't going to do it out here. You're freezing," he said softly. He put his hands on her sides and helped her stand up. "If you're ready, I'll listen. We both will, if that's what you want. Right, Chase?" The boy nodded and Elena felt a small smile forming on her lips. Her Salvatore boys always pulled through for her. "Let's go home…"

* * *

The car ride home was silent, as she'd wished it had been from the start. But she needed to grieve. If she really _did_ feel the way she thought she did about Damon, she needed him to know. He had to know every single side of her before she'd really give her heart away. He wouldn't break it, she knew, but he had to understand that no matter _what_ he did, her heart would never be completely whole again. She wasn't sure he could accept that.

Before she knew, it she was propped up against the arm of Damon's couch. Her feet were in his lap and she was sipping a steaming mug of apple cider. Her face was still swollen and achy. It felt like she'd been crying for days. Her heart hadn't hurt this much in years, but she understood why. Time healed things if you let it, but she hadn't. She'd kept it bottled up inside, refusing to release her emotions. She hadn't let herself really feel _anything_ since Cade's death. But she felt everything for Damon and Chase. They were the difference. But along with the good came the bad. She needed to release Jace before she could really, truly let them in. It wasn't an option anymore; she _needed_ them and she knew why. She loved them.

"Maybe I shouldn't be here," Chase watched Damon's hands work over Elena's feet.

"It's your choice," Elena said, looking to Damon and he nodded. "I'm okay with you hearing it, but if you don't feel comfortable…"

"It's just…" he looked down at his hands as they fiddled with his baseball cap. "Who's Cade?"

Damon watched her carefully, hoping she'd have the strength to say what she needed to say. Her eyebrows knitted together and her voice cracked as she spoke. "When I was sixteen, I had a baby…" Chase's face dropped as a look of shock washed over him. "His father and I had some problems…we broke up…and when Cade was three, he died," Damon reached up to squeeze her hand for a moment. He was nervous for her. _His_ stomach ached at the thought; he couldn't imagine how she could muster the courage to finally talk about it. He was happy and proud, but still so broken for her.

"How…" Chase asked as his green eyes met hers.

She bit her lip, pushing herself to start. Starting was the hardest part she knew. The story was terrifying and sad, but once it was out, things would be so much clearer for all of them.

"A car accident," her heart pounded.

* * *

_** Jace laughed as Elena pushed at his chest. He was taller, stronger than her. She'd never knock him over and she knew it, but she couldn't just stand there. She pounded at his chest, swung at his hands to get the keys but he just smiled drunkenly. She found her phone and dialed 911. She stuck the phone in her pocket so Jace wouldn't see.**_

_** "Fine, you can play with him here. Don't drive, please! You're drunk," She cried so the operator could hear. "You can't take him. He's a little boy, Jace. You can't drive drunk!" She tried to squeeze all the information in in a few seconds, in case he saw the phone, but he was too drunk to notice. "Stay here,"**_

_** "I don't think so, Elena. You don't want me. Why would I want to be around someone who doesn't want me?" He shrugged, stumbling toward the car door. **_

_** "No! Jace, wait. Wait! I'll do anything. I'll try, okay. I'll try again!" She lied. She had no intention of letting him back in her life, but she was desperate to get him to let Cade out of the car. "Give me a chance. We can all just go back inside, okay? Just unlock the doors, let him out,"**_

_** "No. I think we'll go to the park first, and then come back. We'll see if you still want me then," he smiled, he opened the door just enough to sneak himself in the car. Her fingers tried to pry it open, but he just pulled it shut tightly. He cranked the window open and she stuck her head in the car.**_

_** "Look!" She pointed at the grey clouds. "It's about to pour out. Just come inside. You can't go to the park in this weather…" she tried to reason with him. **_

_** "We won't be long. We'll be back before the storm even starts…"he started the ignition. **_

_** "Cade. I love you," she cried. "Wear your seatbelt. I'm going to get you, okay. I'm coming for you. Just wait for me," she swallowed. She reached inside the inside of the door to unlock the backseat but Jace started rolling up the window and she had to move. "Cade, baby, I love you."**_

_** "I love you, Momma!" He cried, pushing his hands and nose against the rear window as Jace drove away.**_

* * *

"I don't think I want to hear the rest…" Chase shook his head and stood up. "I'm sorry, Elena," he offered before he pulled his head phones out of his pocket and set them in place. He walked into his room before the spoke again, but he left his door open.

Elena's face was red and strained. A migraine had reached the surface, but she worked to push past it. The rest of the story was the part, but she needed to get it out. She inhaled deeply, aiming to remain calm enough to finish.

He remained silent, afraid to say the wrong thing. She scooted her feet off his lap and sat next to him, pressing her temple into his shoulder as she continued.

* * *

_** "No…oh my God…" she could barely breathe. She found her keys in her pocket and started her ignition, speeding down the road after them. The downpour started and her wipers worked hard and fast to clear her view. Chase was swerving wildly, drunkenly down the slippery roads. **_

_** Her heart leapt when she saw a police car pull out behind their car. He was speeding. She wasn't even sure if it was related to her 911 call, but if he could get pulled over for anything it would stop him from hurting Cade somehow. But the flashing red and blue lights only made him speed up. He blew stop signs. He blew red lights, and she did too, just to keep up. He was running from the police and she didn't **_**care**_** if she got pulled over, too. She'd do anything to save her baby.**_

_** The park was in sight. She heaved a sigh of relief, hoping he'd pull over and end the madness. Maybe he hadn't even realized the police were chasing him. He was too drunk to notice much, but even if he did, he wasn't one to really care. He did what he wanted if it got him his way. But when he sped past the park and through the red light at the other end of the block, it ended. **_

_** Horns sounded wildly as a city bus slammed into the passenger side of Jace's car. Elena's heart dropped as she remembered where her son had buckled himself in, but she remembered him pressing his face against the glass and hoped by some chance he'd switched sides afterward. **_

_** But the car was hit hard. It didn't **_**matter**_** where he was sitting. He was small and he wasn't in a car seat. The impact was hard. She knew when she reached the scene, blocked by three police cars now, that it wouldn't be good.**_

_** "Ma'am," an officer put his hands out to block her.**_

_** "Get out of my way. That's my baby in there," she cried. "That's my son!" She shoved past and ran to the car. She held her breath when she saw him…his little eyelids were closed and his face was cut and bloody. He was limp, lying motionless across the backseat on his side, his Spider-Man pajamas rolled up to expose his belly. His head was resting against his broken arm. She opened the door and crawled in next to him.**_

_** "Ma'am, don't touch him, please. We can't move him yet…"**_

_** "Don't tell me what I can't do. This is my son. I can do whatever I want…" She didn't bother to look in the front seat. She hoped Jace was dead. She couldn't bear the sight of his stupid smile anymore. He was the devil and he always had been. He'd tempted her and she'd fallen and now she was paying the consequences. **_

_** The police yanked her out of the car as the paramedics leaned in to feel for his heartbeat. But when they shook their head she erupted in sobs and pulled out of the police's hold. They let her go as she crashed down on the ground next to the car.**_

_** "I'm sorry, Ma'am,"**_

_** "Oh my God. No! Open your eyes! Cade! No…You can't be…he can't be…" **_

_** "Elena…" she heard a voice groan from the front seat. There were paramedics working to cut him out of the car, but his eyes were dim and his life was slipping away with each passing second. "Elena…"**_

_** "What did you **_**DO?**_**" She screamed. "You killed him!" but she hadn't even processed what the words meant. She was too angry and hysterical to hear the finality of it all. **_

_** "You should've loved me…why won't you love me?" He swallowed. "You'll never love anyone like you loved me…"**_

_** "You're right," she spat. "I won't, because thanks to you, I don't ever want to love anyone ever again," she cried. "You're a monster…"**_

_** "I'm dying, Elena," he groaned. **_

_** "Good," she spat.**_

_** "You don't mean that…." His lips were cut and swollen, but she could understand him still. **_

_** "I hope you burn in hell," She cried before the world went black.**_

* * *

Damon's shoulder was soaked with tears as she finished. She took a few sharp breaths and swallowed. "He was my entire world, Damon. He was a living, breathing little boy with his own personality. He liked super heroes and fire trucks. He loved cherry kool-aid and macaroni and cheese…" she sobbed. "I had some of the best conversations with him over the silliest things in the world and I would do _anything_ to get just one more…" she pressed her index fingers into the corners of her eyes, wiping her tears away. He tipped his head down, leaning it on top of hers.

He'd never find the words to say to to fix it.

"Jace ruined my life. The only good thing that came from it was Cade, and he went and ruined that, too. He drove drunk and killed my baby, Damon, and he got out of suffering for it. He didn't even have time to think about it. He died. It's not fair. He should've been rotting in prison, thinking about it every day of his miserable life…" she swallowed. "But instead _I'm_ the one who thinks about it every day. I always will. I'll always break down, have these fits. It hasn't gotten better in eleven years, Damon," she shook her head. "Sometimes I think it never will. You have to know that,"

Damon heaved a sigh, "And that sucks…" he said in his Damon way, "But it's understandable. I can't even begin to imagine…"

"You don't want to. _I_ don't want to. Chase isn't your son, but he's become a big part of your life…mine, too," she admitted.

They thought he'd tuned them out, but he'd been listening all the while through his cracked door. The truth was, he wanted to know; he just didn't want them to see the way he reacted. They were good with him, but he wasn't good with emotions. Death wasn't something he was comfortable with. It reminded him too much of the fears he carried about his mother. One day she'd overdose. One day she'd really be gone. Would they make amends before that? Would he ever have a real relationship with his own mother…the kind it seemed Elena had with her son? They weren't questions he voiced, but they ate at him slowly after moments such as these.

"I love Chase," she swallowed. "And I'd do anything to protect him, but it hurts _me_ sometimes. I should be able to separate them…but sometimes I can't. Sometimes things feel so close to what I might've had. It's not fair to him…I try to be strong but sometimes I just crack…" she admitted. "It's why I freaked in the first place. When you said you had to take care of your teenage nephew, I lost it. I never thought I'd make it…I didn't think I wanted to even try. You and I weren't anything, we said, so I didn't see the point of hurting over something that didn't matter…"

Chase swallowed. She loved him. But a stab of guilt went through him almost immediately. _He_ was hurting Elena just by being there, he thought. He reminded her too much of what she'd lost. He hurt Damon and Elena before he'd even arrived. He was the reason they'd separated to begin with, he realized. He sighed, closing his door and turning on his stereo, not wanting to hear any more of it.

"But I'm glad you were so persistent," she smiled. "It hurts sometimes to think about, but it's worth it. Seeing that kid's smile and hearing him laugh and joke makes me happy. I may not have my son anymore, but it doesn't mean I don't have room to care about another kid," she sighed. "I'm happy to have you both. I just don't like when you fight. You need to listen to each other better. And you need to really think this whole Chase telling the police thing through. Don't make a hasty decision," she pled. "That's all I'm asking. Give him chances to do the right thing,"

And it made sense to him now, the reason she'd flipped out in the car. All the times she'd worried about him not wearing his seatbelt or not paying attention to his driving. Her desperation about him not completely losing contact with his mother and father…the pieces fit together tragically.

"Yeah," he sighed, completely spent. "We'll work it out, somehow…" he still felt a little unresolved, but he was content to leave well enough alone for that night.

"So….do you think Chase is okay with our new arrangement?" He asked slowly, testing the waters of a new subject.

"Yeah, I do…" she sat up and set her empty mug on the coffee table. "

"Do you think it'd be weird for him if you stayed the night?" He asked seriously. I'm not suggesting we do anything," she shook his head. "I just don't think any of us really wants to be alone with _that_ story on our minds. Of course, I wouldn't turn you down if something _did_ happen…" he waggled his eyebrows and she rolled her eyes as they walked to his bedroom.

They passed Chase's room and noticed the light was off. "He's asleep," Damon noticed.

"Sure, I'll sleep here," she smiled gently, slinking off her jeans and pulling down the covers. "And by sleep I mean sleep. I don't think either of us is in _that_ kind of mood and I definitely don't think Chase is ready for _that_…" he got into bed and pulled the covers over them.

"Sorry, it's been awhile," he shrugged, "I forget how loud and crazy you get. You're right. He'd want to saw his ears off about halfway through…" he teased and she blushed lightly. It felt good to smile again.

"Good_night_, Damon," she kissed him on the cheek and rolled on her side, clicking off the light on his nightstand.

"Sweet dreams," he whispered, and he meant it. She'd lived her nightmares enough for one day.

A tiny bit of relief washed over her as she fell asleep in his bed. It wasn't gone. Her ghosts were still there, but Damon and Chase were too, now. It wasn't a redo of what she might have had at all, she realized. It was the start of a completely different journey. There would be highs and lows, peaks and valleys, but she'd see through it all as long as the Savlatore's were along for the ride.

* * *

**A/N: I've never had to stop writing a chapter as many times as I did when I wrote this. My emotions were just all over the place. Usually I'm good when I write, but man. **

**Anyway, I have been waiting to write this chapter since I started this story. Such a big reveal for the readers and Damon. It's a chance to finally understand Elena. **

**More interesting stuff to come. Dinners, school dances, Stefan and Caroline drama. **

**Love to hear your thoughts on this chapter!**


	13. Shake It Out

**A/N: It felt like forever before I could actually sit and write this chapter. Work has been ridiculous but I've found my peace with writing. **

**First off, I'd like to thank everyone who read and reviewed my last chapter. The response was awesome! Your thoughts are so appreciated. **

**This is another sort of big chapter for the three of them. Flashbacks are mixed in with the present, but all DEC and nothing Jace. I need to be done with him for a while, as I'm sure some you want to be, too.**

**I chose Florence + The Machine's "Shake It Out" for this one. Great song, great message…just great all around. Thanks for your thoughts! Happy reading… and I mean that. This one's not so sad :D**

* * *

**All At Once**

**Chapter 12: Shake It Out**

**"It's hard to dance with a devil on your back, so shake him off" **

**-F+TM**

She was light as a feather, floating, drifting toward a warm, celestial feeling. She was asleep, she knew. Strong hands caught her and brought her down to meet his bright blue eyes as he wound his fingers in hers. He led her away from unfamiliar place. Her dream-self was completely unrecognizable, as she laughed and smiled. It had been years since she'd felt so safe walking along through a lucid dream. But there were no green eyes haunting her this time and she'd just begun to lose herself in his touch when she suddenly saw darkness and was met with the real world once more.

Her heart pounded, but not in the normal erratic way she'd grown to hate every morning when she woke from a nightmare. It beat with excitement and freedom as her head cleared enough to realize where she was. Her pillow was the smooth, bare plane of Damon's chest and it rose and fell peacefully below her. She shifted her head up enough to look at him. His face was free of worry lines and silly smirks, and she wondered if his dreams took him somewhere different, too.

It had been one week since the baseball game, since she'd told the story of the little boy she'd always love and never see again. Eight days ago Damon had confirmed just how far they'd come when he'd whispered the most beautiful words into her lips.

She was warm from his skin now, and the soft, silky black sheet that was draped over the top of her shoulder. It fell across the bottom of his and she silently laughed when she saw his barefoot hanging off the bed. He was in a dead sleep His hair was everywhere but where it should be, sticking up and out like a small child's. She knew why. Her hands had made quick work of his once perfect hair.

She'd woken from a wonderful dream to an even better reality. She sighed, wishing desperately she wasn't so thirsty. She lifted her head slightly, shifting away from him carefully and pulling the blanket over his bare chest again. Thankful that he didn't wake, she scooted out of the bed. She found Damon's teal button up shirt from the night before slung over the headboard, and a rush of blood found her cheeks. She remembered the carnal look in his eyes as she'd sat on his lap and slowly unbuttoned it just hours before.

She dragged the rumpled collar up to her nose, smelling his rich cologne in the fabric. It matched the scent that lingered in her hair, as her head had pressed into the crook of his neck while she worked kisses across his chest. She was still a mess, red-faced and frazzled, the heat still lingering between her thighs at the thought of what he'd done to her just an hour ago. His look of innocence now made her smirk. He really had so many sides.

Damon Salvatore was no longer a dangerous game. He wasn't a dream. He was real life and he was hers and if she could allow herself to stop and think what that really meant in the grand scheme of things, she'd realize she was falling in love with him, too.

Her fingers found the buttons, skipping over a few as she made her way to the door.

Her bare feet pressed into the soft carpet and it absorbed the sound of her footsteps. She walked in a trance; certain she was still floating somewhere outside of her body. But when she felt the cool linoleum of the kitchen beneath her feet, her head cleared. The clock on the wall read 2:30 a.m.; she'd only been asleep for half an hour. Damon's shirt was barely long enough to cover her; it was hardly appropriate attire to be walking around the house in when a teenage boy's hormones were blaring in the neighboring room. Her messy hair would give her away, she knew, and she hadn't thought to pull her panties and jeans back on. But Chase was fast asleep by now, as he'd gotten home on time as promised.

The kitchen was dark, but she crept quietly to the fridge to find her juice. Her eyes caught on the light shining from the bottom of the closed bathroom door. Maybe Chase _wasn't_ asleep. She panicked and set her juice down on the counter, tiptoeing dramatically back across the kitchen. But the door creaked open and she was caught like a deer in headlights. Her hand went into her hair as she spun around, embarrassedly, expecting a cocking smirk across the lips of her favorite teenager.

But her jaw fell low when she was instead faced with the tall, thin blonde girl she'd met for the first time a little more than seven hours ago. She blinked, praying was just imagining things. But after ten seconds of staring, the girl didn't disappear.

"Natalie!" Her voice sounded in a hushed whisper. She wore thin cotton grey shorts and a green tank top. Eyes wide, she processed the scene before her. This had clearly been planned. The girl had seemed sweet and polite when she'd come to pick him up for the dance. She'd never have guessed she'd find her illicitly standing in Damon's kitchen searching for orange juice, too. But looks could be deceiving, Elena knew. She was living proof of that.

Just when had she snuck in? Was it right when she and Damon had gone to his bedroom, or had they truly tuned the rest of the world out when they'd finally lost themselves in each other for the first time in two months? Oh, they were definitely naïve when it came to Chase. That was becoming clearer by the day. Her sweet boy didn't seem so sweet anymore.

"What are you doing here?" She noted the panic in her own voice. Elena's eyes narrowed as she scanned over a few small marks on the girl's neck. Nope. This was _not_ what she wanted to deal with that night.

For a moment she jumped back in time. She saw herself, young and naïve, sneaking into Jace's bedroom. She could almost still feel the adrenaline rushing through her system as she'd hidden from his parents and from Kat. She knew what it felt like to crave danger; but now she saw the other side….the parent side, and she completely understood it.

Chase wasn't her son but she felt responsible for him and his actions. She'd never had to touch on this with Cade, but her stomach sloshed with nerves and shock now. What were the lines? Was she supposed to drag him out of his room and scold him? Should she wake Damon? Should she pretend she saw nothing and crawl back into Damon's arms where life was a lot less complicated?

Her brain found solutions on its own when Chase appeared in the entrance to the kitchen in his thick grey sweatpants and a ribbed white tank top. His hair was messy and Elena's stomach dropped when he met her eyes. He couldn't quite get a read on her, but her expression fell somewhere between angry and disappointed.

Guilt spun in his gut, but he'd made his choice for a reason. He had to stick with it now.

"Tell me I'm imagining this…" she managed through hard pressed lips. She swallowed, completely overwhelmed by Chase for the first time. He'd given her reasons to love him every time she saw him, but now she just ached. It was her problem and hers alone, she knew. She feared with everything she had that one day he'd find himself wrapped in a situation as she had…sex too young to fulfill a cry for attention. But Chase wasn't her and he wasn't Jace. He was stronger and braver than both of them combined. She had to remind herself not every story would end like hers.

"I have no words for this right now," she continued slowly as the teens watched her carefully, speechless. Her voice was laced with sadness when she looked to Chase, "but I will in the morning."

His efforts to cover his guilt were faltering, but he quickly recovered when he found a way to turn the situation around. His eyes scanned over her barely covered bottom and his uncle's wrinkly shirt. He realized Damon had snuck her in his room, too. He'd thought she'd left when he'd gone to bed. It was funny how it worked.

He'd wanted _Damon_ to find out about Natalie and tell her Elena it. He's sent her out to the bathroom and to make a bunch of noise in the kitchen to wake Damon, but it hadn't gotten that far. Elena found her and that changed everything. He'd have to reroute, and he lacked the time. He'd screw it up, big time.

"Hmmm…" his lips quirked in a teasing smile. "Do you always walk around my apartment without pants at this time in the morning? Looks like I've been missing out," Natalie frowned at the suggestive way he watched her, and Elena tugged the shirt down, mortified. Her fingers found the buttons she'd been too lazy to fasten.

"I'm about two seconds from waking your uncle," she ignored his comment, eyes ablaze.

"You," she pointed to Natalie, "Get your things and go home right now," she sighed, "And you…" she tugged Chase's arm until he faced her again. She tipped his chin up so he stared into her eyes instead of elsewhere. "I don't even have the energy to explain to you what's wrong about this. Frankly, I shouldn't have to. I will be telling him, just so you know. You may _not_ sneak girls into your room, Chase. We're cool but we're not _that_ cool. Got it?" She pointed, eyebrows arched.

Chase swallowed, remembering the conversation she'd shared with Damon when they thought he'd left the room. She loved him, and he could hear it in the way she scolded him now. Had she noticed how quiet and distant he'd been around her before now? As much as it hurt, his plan _had_ to work, he thought. It was for her benefit, not his. He had to push her hard, make her angry, upset. If it worked, he'd miss her. She _had_ to stop loving him. Only then could he stop hurting her so much.

At the pain in her voice, he was starting to waver, back pedaling for just a moment. But he managed to recover and hold steady, even as she looked like she was about to cry. He was hurting her either way. He should've never said what he was about to. He'd planned to push her away, not obliterate her. He spoke without truly thinking of the damage his simple words would do. They were flying from his lips and breaking her heart before he could stop them.

"Just because you screwed up at my age doesn't mean I'm going to. I'm smart," he mumbled and it tore hear heart in two. He'd never acted that way with her. They had a different kind of connection than he had with Damon. He could really tell Elena how he felt without having to be tough. She saw the real him; the small boy who was working so hard to grow up. He craved the motherly way she made him feel safe. And in turn he felt the need to protect her, too. She needed protection from the reminder he gave her, he thought. But he hid his protection in malicious words that were deeper and more detrimental than someone so young could truly understand.

Her cheeks reddened and that adrenaline rush hit her like a ton of bricks. It was late and her stomach was empty. She didn't have the energy to withstand the complete destruction his small sentence had done. It hurt her for two reasons. He _knew_ her past and that was about as insensitive as it got. Secondly, it came from _him_, the one boy who had the power to hurt her with words because she loved him more than she'd ever intended. Tears rolled down her cheeks and she bit her lip as she shook her head.

He wanted to apologize, but the truth was he'd tried to make her upset on purpose. Once he'd said it, though, he realized he'd gone a step too far. He wasn't good with emotions but it was clear that he'd made it that much worse. She wasn't done loving him at all.

She seemed more desperate to save him from his mistakes. But his plan had backfired, he realized. She seemed in more pain than ever. She wasn't angry at all. She was devastated, lost somewhere between present and past as she had been just a week before.

"I know you didn't mean it," she shook her head sadly and touched his face. He sighed, wishing he could kick his own ass for what he'd just said to her. She forgave him so easily. She really _did_ love him. His head dropped in shame. He was a little bird who'd fallen out of his nest, desperate to find a mother to take care of him until he learned how to fly on his own.

"Go in your room and go to bed," she said through gritted teeth. Her eyes were leaky faucets.

He winced as he watched her break. He was angry with Jace for what he'd done to her so long ago. He was angry with himself that no matter where he was, who he was with or what he did, it always managed to get in the way of something else. He wanted someone to love him for _him_ and Elena did. Now he'd gone and ruined that, too.

"Hey, I woke up and you were gone…" a shirtless Damon squinted as he walked toward them, strutting out in a pair of black boxer briefs, his hair still a mess. His eyes came into focus just in time for the teens to scatter. Natalie was tomato red and practically out the front door and Chase marched back to his bedroom without another word.

"Are you kidding me?" He called out after them and he turned o Elena's glassy eyes. She'd wiped her tears but her cheeks were still wet and the air was sucked from Damon's lungs. His eyebrows dipped in concern and she shook her head,

"I'm okay," he smiled. "Talk to him."

"Chase, come out here," he said calmly but loudly.

"Elena said go to bed, so I'm going," he called from the other room, but Damon followed him, pushing his hands on each side of the doorframe. "I was home by midnight, Damon. You never said I had to be alone."

"We _saw_ you. You said you were going to bed!" he blinked, astonished. He shouldn't have been. He'd done so many things worse than this as a teen. But this wasn't even fair. It was coming back to bite him in the ass.

Chase swallowed, ready to be on the defensive again. He was too weak about Elena. He needed to kick up his sarcasm again, earn back some dignity points. "So did _you,"_ his head tipped to the other room and Damon's eyes widened at the implication.

"She came back, okay? You can hardly yell at me for this. Elena's half naked in the kitchen. Why can you have her overnight and I can't have Natalie here?" He asked. He had a point, Damon knew. Chase saw 'hypocrite' flashing across his uncle's smooth forehead. He didn't practice what he preached, especially when it came to Elena.

He shook his head and laughed, buying time until he figured out an answer Chase would believe. "Not even _close_ to the same thing. You can't use that against me. It's _Elena_, for God's sakes…" he swallowed. "I...you know…love…never mind," he shook his head. "I don't need excuses. You, however, do. So you better start thinking of one pretty quick,"

"I don't have one," he admitted. "I had her come back because I wanted her to. That's about it." he smirked. "I've got that Salvatore way. Proud of me?"

"Proud of you? You've got to be kidding me right now. It's past 2 a.m., I wake up from a dead sleep, worried Elena's gone off crying somewhere again, and I find you and little miss thing looking a hot mess in the kitchen! And just like I thought, Elena _was_ in tears, but for a completely different reason than I would've guessed," Chase's stomach dropped again for a moment at the mention of it. "Were you even _there_ for our conversation earlier in the day?" His voice remained calm as he remembered how Elena had begged him to work on his temper.

"Yes," he sighed. "And I didn't do anything wrong. I_ didn't_ have sex with her. We just kissed. A lot. Okay? I told you that was the plan, it just shifted in location a little bit. She was getting ready to leave, she was just thirsty," it was a lie, but he couldn't tell Damon the truth. "Not that it's any of your business…It's just that she really wanted to come inside and you and I both know how hard it is to resist something like that…"

"Me? Yes. You, I doubt it," his answered quickly. "And you should keep it that way for a few more years. Trust me," he coughed. "I'm angry…but I'm more confused than anything. I thought I was clear earlier when I told you to be smart…"

"Yep and I was. I didn't break curfew," he gave him a cocky smile. "Have fun with Elena," he said as he walked to the back of his room whistling and Damon steadied himself to walk back to his teary angel. There'd be time to settle things with in the morning.

She looked even more wrecked than she had when he'd walked out of the room. Her faucets had turned on full blast; the cuffs of his shirt hung past her hands and were tear soaked. She swallowed, angry with herself for breaking down yet again.

"What did he say to you?" He tucked her damp hair behind her hear. She didn't look like the sexy, confident woman he'd just slept with not an hour ago.

"It's in my head, Damon. That's all. I'm afraid for him, but maybe I don't have the right. I need to beat this," she wiped her eyes again. "I'm trying so hard _not_ to associate everything with my past. Sometimes things that shouldn't even remind me of him do…"

"I know…" he swallowed. "I can see how this would set you off…"

"I thought you said you talked to him about this…." She frowned. "You said you guys came to an understanding about how the night would go,"

"In so many words, we did," he sighed. "Guess I need to learn to be more specific."

He thought back eighteen hours ago. He'd been proud of himself then. He felt like he'd laid down some kind of rules. But rules were meant to be broken. If anyone knew that, it was Damon.

* * *

"So…Natalie, is it?" Damon took out two cereal bowls from the cabinet and handed one to Chase and he nodded. It was the morning of the dance and he'd waited until the last minute to start asking questions. Better late than never, he thought. He hadn't wanted to push him after their blowout in the car, but he figured he should at least ask small details about his date to the dance.

"Yes," he frowned as he dumped too much in the bowl and had to transfer some back into the box.

"How old is she?" Damon poured himself a glass of orange juice and sat down at the table. It was Saturday morning and they were just about to leave for morning baseball practice. His day was full of fun, normal teenage things for a change.

"She's a sophomore," he smiled proudly and shook his wet hair to get his bangs out of his face. "Older woman," Damon felt a rush of relief at his nephew's cocky smile. It was the first time he'd seemed himself in a week. He took a bite of cereal and thought for a moment. A part of Damon was proud of him for scoring someone older, and the other, less experienced parent part was concerned.

"That's…cool I guess," he sipped his juice, unsure of where to go next. The teenage version of Damon would've been slapping this kid five right now.

"Good? It's damn awesome. She likes me. I wasn't sure at first…I just knew she wanted me to ask her. Then I heard her talking to some of her friends about how hot I am and well…you're a guy. You can figure the rest out," he smirked. "I'd be stupid _not_ to go with her."

Elena had pled with him to be sensitive and do what he wanted. It made sense, so he'd taken some of it into consideration, but he was a fourteen year old male dying to embark on the world of women; he had to take _that_ into consideration, too. So he'd decided to not be a jerk to her, but not to get too wrapped up in her, either. It was just a dance, for now.

"I can't figure out the rest. I haven't been 14 since two years before you were born," he laughed, realizing they were really closer in age than it seemed. "Break it down for me,"

"I'm saying when a hot girl wants you, you don't say no," he shrugged.

"Sometimes, you _do_," he nodded.

"_You _didn't…" he smirked. "One word: Elena. You two are dripping with sex. I'm not stupid. You were going at it before I even I moved in…" Damon's jaw dropped in shock and disgust. "You guys are so back and forth that it's stupid!"

"Watch it!" he shook his head. "That is _completely_ different…"

"Oh yeah? "You guys were all angry and 'get away from me' and now you're all over each other again. I get it. I _totally_ get it. You're sleeping with her again. Way to go," he nodded.

He played it off as teasing, but deep down he was searching for details. He'd heard her say she freaked out when he came into Damon's life; he was desperate for information on what was going on with the two of them now. He needed to know they weren't fighting over him. Teasing Damon about her was a hell of a lot easier than thinking about what they were really going through. The truth was, she _wasn't_ just Damon's girlfriend anymore. He'd learned to trust her and look to her for advice, but it was harder than ever once he'd heard her story. She had the _best_ advice. He didn't want to push away from her, but couldn't know what he knew and ignore how it broke hear heart. He'd said something akin to her being motherly to him and he felt horrible for that. He had to make sure she didn't get too attached.

"Actually, I'm not sleeping with her…unless of course you mean snoring and drooling and all that. We've done that, yes, but…" he shook his head, "that is absolutely _way_ more than you should know…" he frowned. "And I'm an adult, damn it. If I want to have sex with my girlfriend, I will…."

"Okay then," he waggled his eyebrows, much like his uncle did. "Don't blame you. She's…"

"And stop talking about her that way. I know she's more to you than an extra pair of legs walking around this place," he swallowed, noticing a small change in his nephew's face when he mentioned what Elena meant to him. But just like a true Salvatore man, Chase covered his feelings quickly, choosing a teasing smile over sadness.

"Just stop looking at me like that. It's creepy," Damon said smirked back.

"Now you're just paranoid. I'm just saying. We Salvatore men are the same, Damon. As long as we are on the same page here…we're good."

"You're lucky Elena isn't here to hear this come out of your mouth. I can laugh it off, but she'd be beet red and mouthy by now," Chase's smile faded for a minute, but he recovered when Damon started rambling again. "And I'm about 100 pages behind you on this one. Now stop using metaphors and get serious. What's really going to happen tonight?"

"Fine. It's a dance Damon, okay? There'll be chaperones and horrible punch and all that stereotypical stuff you see on TV, I'm sure. We'll sit in the corner. She'll look at me like I'm lame because I don't want to dance. She'll probably drag her girlfriends in the bathroom about fifty times to check her makeup, and then we'll go to her friend's house and make out. I'll come home and go to bed and you'll drill with me questions in the morning, which I'll answer by repeating the exact same thing I've just told you now…"

"At least you've thought it through…" he muttered under his breath. He thought back to the way he'd been as a teenager and cringed. He could handle the kissing, that wasn't the problem. He wasn't ready to have his fourteen year old nephew sleeping with teenage girls in his apartment, however, and he wasn't ready to have a conversation about it either.

He'd never based his decisions on what others would think of him. He did what he wanted because he knew he'd never _have_ to explain it to a kid. He wasn't ever going to be a father, he'd thought. He wouldn't have to feel like a hypocrite when his kid threw him the whole 'But you did it at my age' line. But now there was this. A squeaky voiced kid was eating bowls up bowls of cereal at his kitchen table, suggesting he didn't plan on staying naïve for very much longer.

Oh, he was all talk, Damon was sure, but he wondered just how much Stefan had let him get away with at home. If things were as he thought they'd been, Stefan probably wasn't around enough to know what was going on under his roof. But Chase blushed too much to be overly experienced for his age. He was a ball of hormones that had just happened to start rolling when he'd come into Damon's life. Lucky him. Karma was a bitch.

It was funny how life worked; he was the _worst_ role model when it came to self-restraint, and now he had to convince Chase to keep it in his pants. He swallowed, struggling to balance the 'cool uncle' and the 'strict dad' roles he'd had to face so many times over the last few months.

"All that sounds fine as long as you get home by midnight,"

"Yep, I got it," he nodded. "Don't worry. I'm not planning on breaking curfew. She can drive, so we don't have to depend on anyone else. I won't be late." he assured him. "Anything else?"

"Do you have questions, erm, I mean…" he cleared his throat. "I'm not encouraging or anything but I'm not going to pretend you're naïve, either, so if you do, you can ask me,"

"Yeah, how many dates before I make my move? You know…"

"Um, what? Your move? You're fourteen. You aren't supposed to _have_ moves yet…you're supposed to be spending countless hours playing video games or pokemon or whatever the hell you kids do these days. Moves? No."

"Well, I have moves. So tell me, how many times did you and Elena see each other before you two…you know…" Oh, he definitely couldn't tell him the answer to that one. Nope. He definitely wasn't bringing up how he'd jumped her bones all of half an hour after he'd met her. Those days were a fun but distant memory. Things were so much better now.

"Not enough times, okay? But luckily we're _30_ and understand that,"_ Ooh, that was good_, he thought. "Just don't do anything I wouldn't do, okay?" he added.

"Sure. So you lost your virginity when, again?" he stared, disarming Damon for about the tenth time in five minutes.

"Okay, forget what I just said. Don't use me as an example…" he furrowed his brow. This kid was a little too good at weaseling information out of him. "Just be smart. That's all I'm saying,"

"You're kind of a softie right now," he warned.

"You're killing me, kid," he warned. "I'm not soft. I just know what I want for once, got it? Take it from me. I didn't know _shit_ at your age…" His phone buzzed on the table, interrupting their awkward moment. Chase's grin tripled in size when he saw the familiar face flash up on his screen.

"There's the little woman now," Chase teased as Damon clicked on the speakerphone. The boy excused himself from the table before he had to hear the emotion in her voice again.

* * *

He saw a small smile playing on her lips when the story ended and a rush of relief washed over him. "Truth be told, Elena, other than the fact that he upset you, I'm not that angry with him. He skirted around the rules I laid out for him. He challenged me. But when think about it, he actually reminds me a lot of myself. And as much as that makes me understand him a little more, it makes it harder for you. I probably sound like your ex…"

"No, you weren't like Jace," she bit her lip and shook her head. "I know you weren't. You say you're different now but you'd never have controlled me like he did and you'd never have done the things he'd done to destroy me…"

"You're right," he pressed his lips on hers quickly. "I messed around a lot at his age. I lost my virginity when I was 15 to the only other girl I've called my girlfriend," he smiled and touched the tip of her nose with his index finger. "I was a guy, and I thought that was cool and normal, but I never saw the girl's side of it until now…with you…" he frowned. "But if it had been you and _me_ instead of you and him…well, I would've never given you reason to leave…and I would've loved that kid, regardless of how afraid I was or what I may have said about my brother's decision. I called my Stefan stupid for caring, but if we're being honest here…I would've done the same thing, too, if I felt this way about you," it was a revelation of sorts. For a brief moment, he assimilated himself with Stefan and it didn't hurt. She brought so many feelings to the surface that he thought he'd never reach again.

Their day had been beautiful and honest. This was it, the cap to one of the very best days of his life with Elena Gilbert. The moment she'd walked through his door that evening he was felt it; something had readjusted in her, and it was hot and wonderful at the very same time.

* * *

His eyes had wandered over her while she straightened Chase's tie and taken countless pictures before the dance. His lips turned upward at the alarm in Elena's face when she learned Natalie wasn't just a _little_ older than him; she was old enough to drive.

She was beautifully protective, even if the reasons behind were tragic and depressing. She was layer upon layer of surprise; he never knew which side he'd see to her at any given moment. Sometimes that feeling of powerlessness ate away at him. Sometimes he still struggled with the fact that he truly _couldn't_ be everything she'd ever need. She'd always need her little boy and that was the only thing on the face of the earth that he couldn't give her.

When Chase and his date had left, Damon's hands found Elena's sides quickly. He pulled her back against his chest and his lips crashing down the back of her neck. She leaned into his kisses easily, the blood pumping through her quickly, reminding her of all the wonderful ways he peeled away her sadness. His lips were dry and soft; they knew the path to follow to send shivers of need throughout her body. And when they found her ear, he heard a small gasp escape her lips.

"Stay for dinner…dessert…later than that, even…" She turned in his embrace, answering him with hungry kisses. "He'll be gone for a few hours…" he whispered as he pulled away from her lips.

They had been highs and lows that week. There were moments when she'd crumbled in his arms, crying tears she'd locked away from everyone else. But the other, better times when the feel of his hands on her completely dissolved the hurt made her ache with need.

"And when he gets home?" she asked carefully, feeling the heat between them starting to rise as it always did. But the secrets that had once stood between them were tossed away. It was hotter, better this way. The tension was still there, but she wasn't as high strung knowing their passion was days, hours, maybe even moments away from being released.

"We'll see what you want," his lips curved upward and he pressed another kiss on her quickly, "But when I said dessert, I really meant dessert. I bought some cheesecake…chocolate sauce," he waggled his eyebrows and she rolled her eyes, as they always did. "Naughty, Lena…what were _you_ thinking?" The color found her cheeks easily, in the way he loved. After all the things they'd done, he still had an effect on her. He hoped he always would.

They'd had a late dinner out on the small balcony of Damon's apartment and watched the sunset as they discussed what the week had in store for them.

"We can still change our minds, you know," he sipped his glass of water and set his fork down on his empty plate. The sky was black now, lit only by the city lights. "I told mom we were _planning_ on coming on Monday night. Nothing's set in stone,"

"You can't do that to her, Damon," she tipped her head to the side. "She wants you to come so badly. You can't change your mind. It'll hurt her feelings. If nothing else… do it for her," he frowned, knowing she was right. "She's right…I mean, I don't know all the tiny details of what happened with you and your father over the years, but maybe it's time you show him how good of a job you're doing with Chase. You should be proud."

"No one gets it," he sighed, squinting into the distance. "I'm not someone who tries to prove things. I don't _care_, Elena. I don't care what people think of me or how good of a job people think I'm doing with Chase. The only things that matter to me is that Chase thinks I'm doing an okay job, and that _I _think I am," he sighed. "And maybe you, too," he winked, lightening the mood.

"I know you are, and I think you have the right idea about what really matters, but I think the way you choose to show that is just a little off," her eyebrows knit together when he shook his head quickly, seeming to distance himself for a moment. "I'm just being honest. You want me to tell you the truth, right?"

"Well yeah, but…" his face scrunched up and he fell wordless. After a minute, she started.

"Then you need to learn to listen to people, even when you disagree. Me, Chase, your mom…your Dad…" she paused. "You have a terrible habit of shooting your mouth off before anyone can even finish a sentence and then you wonder what went wrong. You get so frustrated so easily and frankly, it scares me. Your temper is too much sometimes,"

"I'm sorry. It's not you…. it's just how I am. I wish you'd understand that I'm not perfect,"

"I'm not asking for perfection," she sighed, afraid she'd given him the wrong idea. She wasn't lecturing him whatsoever. "I do accept all of you…" she reached across the table for his hand. "But you can't just go on thinking that you're always right in every situation. That's why you end up yelling, because you won't settle for anything less than what you want,"

"I hardly think I'm good at everything!" He laughed. "I see my relationship with Chase as one big fail, Elena…no matter what I do it seems to be the wrong thing. I'm worried that I'm pushing you in all the wrong ways…"

"Sometimes I think you just say things to have the final word," she added, her confidence was breathtaking, he noted, even though she was calling out his flaws.

"I'm insensitive. It's not a secret," he admitted, twisting his water glass between his fingers, staring into the distance and breathing in the cool breeze.

"Sometimes, maybe…" she nodded. It felt good, therapeutic to be honest. For once she didn't feel like she had to baby him. She wasn't afraid she'd say something that would anger him enough to push him away. He wasn't leaving; he'd made that clear.

"Like now…" he sighed, bringing his attention back to her eyes. "I'm sitting here thinking about how much I want to get you in bed, when only days ago you said something that should've put all that on the back burner. That's insensitivity at its finest,"

"You're wrong about all of that," she smiled lightly. "I'm not doing anything I don't want to do. Maybe I want you to think about me in your bed…maybe even later, say…midnight?" she teased and his eyes lit up for a moment. "But…" she cleared her throat, "back to my original point. I'm not trying to get on your case here, believe me. I'm just saying…you _do_ care what your dad thinks, Damon. If you didn't you'd be in his face, flaunting it around. I've seen your cocky side befor,e and when you talk about him I don't hear cockiness at all," she took a sip of her water and set the glass down on the balcony ledge as the breeze picked up.

"I've already gone to my parents' house with Chase once. What else is there to say to him?" He sighed, not acknowledging what she'd pointed out. His avoidance confirmed she'd hit the nail right on the head when it came to his relationship with his father. "I hardly want to celebrate the way he's chosen to treat me over the past year. Another birthday, another year of treating me as if I don't matter," he gritted his teeth.

Her lips fell into a knowing frown. It was the exact reason why she knew he cared, but she wouldn't call him out on it. The fact that he ended every statement about his father with a reminder that Stefan was the favorite was proof enough he longed to be in better standing.

She got up and walked over to him slowly, sitting down on his lap. "You've got a head of steam, Salvatore," her thumb found his lips and traced them slowly, sensually. Her head tipped to the side and she smile sweetly, showing him she was done talking family issues for the moment.

"And you've got a way of keeping me in line. Everyone's been saying this shit to me for years, but I never listened. But when you say it…it makes sense," his hand found her knee and his fingers traced circles into the smooth skin. "You call me out on my shit. Sometimes it pisses me off how just on par you are, but I'm getting used to it…" he winked and it sent a sweet smile straight to her lips. "Maybe I even like it…" he pecked her lightly a few times on the corners of her mouth.

"So…" her lips twisted, waiting for the verdict.

"So fine," he sighed in defeat. "We'll go to Dad's party," he tucked a strand of her hair behind her ear when they saw headlights shining in the parking lot.

They recognized Natalie's car and Chase was out of the passenger side and on his way to the door within a matter of minutes. Damon and Elena scrambled off each other and walked back inside to the living room to meet him. They were pleased to see the time on the cable box said 11:55. It was one less thing to stress about.

"You guys stayed up?" He frowned, his voice nervous. His cheeks were pink and Elena's heart swelled in happiness. He was embarrassed. He'd been unusually quiet around them for the last week, but they'd chalked it up to nervousness about the dance.

"We're not that old, Chase. Midnight is not that late," Damon rolled his eyes.

"Just surprised you're still here," he looked at Elena and she saw his face straighten. "Okay, well…I'm tired, so…night," he trudged off to his room abruptly, pulling his tie off.

"Yeah, it'll be time for me to hit my bed soon, too," Damon announced loudly for his nephew to hear, as he stretched his arms dramatically. Elena smiled, pulling her car keys from her purse. He watched Chase shut the door and his hand reached out to pull her back to him. "You want to hit my bed, too?" His eyes scanned the length of her body and she smiled and nodded as she found herself walking hastily to his room.

"What about Chase? I mean…I stayed last week but that was different...we won't just be _sleeping_…"

"Shhh…" he smirked as they passed Chase's silent room. "I haven't had to sneak a girl into my room since I was fifteen, Elena. This is kind of awesome," his eyebrows raised as he pulled her onto his lips and walked her backwards through his doorframe.

His footwork slowed but she tugged his shirt hard, pulling him onto the bed and crawling on top of him, swinging a knee on each side of him. His hands lay at his sides as he stared up at her with a heady blend of lust and adoration. Her hands found his stubbly cheeks and all thoughts of their dinner conversation dissipated when her lips found his.

They'd always been about temptation; withholding things just to see the look of want in the other's eyes. But enough was enough. It wasn't even temptation anymore. They held on by a thread because once they crossed that threshold, they'd never go back. Emotionless sex was dead and it was time to lay it to rest.

She wasn't rushing it. She wasn't hiding her problems and issues in sex, as she had before. It wasn't just about fulfilling the physical needs she'd been missing for the past two months; for the first time she actually _sought_ the emotional connection it would bring, too. She was done waiting; she wanted all of him.

An outsider might have called her crazy for falling into bed with him after such a heart wrenching week, but sex wasn't uncharted territory for them. They'd each had their own reasons for disconnected sex two months ago. It should've been impossible to fall for a man who only wanted her for her body. The sickness in her mind told her she sought that disconnect because it was what she'd had with Jace. He'd never loved her, as much as he'd said he had. He'd only used her. It was all she knew. She let herself do it again and again with different men; she'd tortured herself because she knew it was a sure-fire way to _never_ fall in love again.

Before Elena, Damon had craved the primal need in the women's eyes as he fucked them, the way their attention was absolutely and completely on him. It was his sickness, too, to seek physical attention to make up for the emotional attention he wasn't receiving. He worked with arrogance, loving the fact that he had the power to fuck them and walk away. He loved the way he could look in their eyes and feel absolutely nothing. Oh, the women all knew his standards. Each one knew she wasn't the only one in his bed that week. He was never cruel and told them right from the start that he wasn't looking for more. Several had tried to change his mind, but it was just no use, he'd told them. He didn't know how to love.

But with the blink of Elena's big, doe eyes, he'd suddenly wanted monogamous sex. Once he'd had her, he wanted no one else. And while he'd never planned on needing her for anything _other_ than amazing sex, his heart started caving about two weeks in. And though she'd shoved him away and begged him to forget her, she'd found herself chasing her blue eyed savior, aching to be under his touch again.

The rest was a beautiful short story that had led to this moment. All of that was gone. Neither could even contemplate what they'd _used_ to need. They needed each other, badly, right then for more than just sex, for more than just a few hours.

When she was sixteen, she had no clue the emotional baggage sex with Jace would bring. But this, with Damon, felt new and safe and completely different. And as her fingers worked to undo the buttons of his teal shirt, she felt his lips pressing into her neck, nipping her skin and tracing it with his expert tongue.

"I'm not pushing you, am I?" he panted, tugging at the hem of her shirt when she'd reached his last button and pushed the shirt behind his shoulders and off his back. He whipped it behind them as she shook her head. "We can stop if you want," ever since she'd told him how controlling Jace had been, he'd been concerned she'd read his needs the wrong way. He'd never pressure her.

But she shook her head again, wordless as he flipped her over and stared down into her brown eyes as if he'd known her for a lifetime. Her heart pounded faster as she realized he finally saw the _real_ her; flaws, fears, horrible past and all. He knew her tragedy and he still wanted her. She was glad she'd ditched her running shoes; she hoped they stayed lost. She never wanted to leave this man's arms again.

There wasn't a big emotional gush before it happened. Both were yet to say a real 'I love you',but more than just sexual tension was threatening to snap. They were teetering on the edge of a complete relationship breakthrough and that was enough. Their month of nothing really felt like _nothing_. He'd never looked as connected to her as he did just then.

It didn't take more than one more nod of confirmation from Elena before his hands worked haphazardly to rip off her jeans and send them barreling headfirst into a rush of the familiar. His index finger quickly found its way up to her lips to stifle the moans he'd missed hearing so much.

"Softer, baby," he whispered, but it only made it harder to keep quiet. He wanted to hear them now, but he had enough sense to know his weren't the only ears in the house.

He wasn't ashamed; hell no. But he wasn't interested in creating a scene, either. The last thing he wanted to do in the morning was face a fourteen year old with a shit eating grin on his face.

She nodded quickly as he flashed his brilliant smile, thrusting deeply, quickly just to tease. Her eyes widened and she clamped her own hand over her mouth this time.

"No fair," she panted, moving her hand away slowly, reluctantly to reveal a playful pout. But her eyes darkened and her wanton look dared him to do it again.

"Who said I wanted to play fair? Maybe I like to see you squirm," he kissed her cheeks and she smiled, her heart slamming in her chest as he teased, changing his pace in the most delicious of ways.

These were the tiny changes in their sex. The laughing, the snarky comments combined with the whirlwind of love and passion he sent into her body was enough to make her combust on the spot. And she was a little too preoccupied that moment to analyze it all, but it would be clear later why he was so many things to her.

She was on fire as he moved inside of her, eyes striking blue flames. Her hands found his soft sheets below her, gripping them tightly as she'd done so many times before. He knew her, inside and out. Time had done nothing to the memories of what she liked the best. She remembered why the tension had been so thick for the two months they'd abstained. All the times she'd eyed him from across the room, all the times he'd teased her, kissed her, pressed her up against a wall and left her hanging had built up for this. She'd saved the tension from every single interaction they'd ever had just to release it now. But even better than the mind-shattering things happening within her, was the realization that he wouldn't leave her when it was said and done. It was new and crazy and the thought of sharing this crazy blend of lust and love with him was enough to send her over the edge. He followed soon after, crashing his head down into her neck and sighing in complete bliss.

"Don't you dare move," he whispered, smiling, when he rolled off her. "Stay with me…all night," and she sighed at his confirmation. She'd never slept with him and then actually _slept_ with him. The memories of how she'd forced him out of her bed, her house so many times before pained her now. The thought of being alone after an emotional explosion such as that was out of the question. He was as much hers as she'd called herself his. They were together, fully and freely. Bad ex-boyfriend's, horrible night terrors and stupid brothers wouldn't stand in their way anymore. They were both somewhat terrified, but they were terrified together.

* * *

Now she stood sweetly, her arms wrapped securely around his neck, staring blissfully in his eyes.

"When I woke up before and you were gone, I thought maybe you'd changed your mind. I thought maybe you were upset that that we did that," he admitted.

"No," she shook her head reassuringly. "I was just thirsty. You wore me out," she smiled. "And my crying has nothing to do with you and everything to do with me, okay?"

"It wasn't too soon? You don't regret it, do you? I don't…"

"Of course not," she found his hands and squeezed them tightly before her head nuzzled into the warm skin between his chest and arm. "This is exactly it, Damon…" her words were muffled against him. He kissed the top of her head and pulled he back a little, sending her a funny smile to indicate he hadn't understood a word she'd said.

"Hmmm?" He wiped a tear away she hadn't realized had fallen from her cheek, and her breath shook in her throat.

She steadied herself in his eyes. They gave her the courage to say the things she'd felt before they flew away. "Moments like these, when we're like this, after a day like this and everything that's happened this last week…this is what makes me see I've been running from the greatest thing I've been given in years. Not just the sex, not just the feelings, but all of it. It doesn't have to be either or with you. I really can have both,"

"You're right," he smiled. "Come on, let's go back to bed and actually sleep this time."

"No, wait…" she inhaled sharply.

His heart pounded in his chest, knowing what confessions were about to spill from her sweet mouth. "The truth is, if we're being honest and all that…" a small smile danced across her face at the phrase they'd used so frequently that day. "I think I'm falling in love with you, too."

* * *

**A/N: Okay, so that was chapter 12. Big DE stuff again, big Chase stuff, too, in a way. He's still lost, choosing the wrong ways to help Elena. We'll see more of the dynamic between the three of them in the coming chapters and see what other measures he'll take to ensure his uncle's happiness stays undisturbed.**

**Thank you SO much for reading and reviewing. Loved the new reviewers and of course my good, every-chapter reviewers! Love all of your thoughts and I can't wait to hear them on this one.**


	14. Hopelessly

**A/N: This is a big, emotional chapter again, but for reasons other than we've seen before. No flashbacks, all present. Things can't be perfect forever, and Elena's not the only one with demon's to slay. They both are hit with completely new waves of shock this chapter.**

**This chapter uses Train's "Hopelessly" from their "Drops of Jupiter" album.**

* * *

**All At Once**

**Chapter 13: Hopelessly**

"He's bringing her," Janie inhaled slowly, watching Giuseppe tie his silk tie in the floor length mirror. At 70, he still dressed the part of a wealthy man; perfectly pressed white shirt under an expensive black suit coat. "He's bringing Elena tonight."

Giuseppe remained silent, resentment radiating off him in waves. He watched his hands, his own emotionless face in the mirror…anywhere but right at his wife. His lips were pressed into a familiar thin, perturbed line and Janie sighed. She walked closer to him, speaking again.

"I understand you're still upset," her throat ached with the words. "If you haven't forgiven me by now, I doubt you ever will…" the tears that were in her eyes quickly found her cheeks. She reached her hand up to touch his back. It had once been strong and muscular but the muscle mass had dwindled and now she felt the frail body of the old man he'd become. They'd grown old together, as they'd promised in their vows. They'd stayed together for their family, for the Salvatore name. Salvatore men were strong and indestructible. They were a force to be reckoned with; they _weren't_ cheated on…

"You're not fair to him, Giuseppe," she said again, breaking the silence again. "And you know it. None of it is his fault. He didn't ask for this. He doesn't understand. He just wants his father to love him,"

"Well that's impossible now," his spoke finally, the words coming out roughly like a stone caught in a wheel. "We both know that, Jane," he swallowed. "And if there's anyone to blame…it's you,"

"It doesn't have to be this way," she bit her lip, used to the accusations by now. They were nothing new. He was a bitter old man who didn't know how to forgive anyone for anything, even the things that were out of their control. "He's coming today. You still have time to fix things…"

"Oh we've done more damage in thirty years than one little birthday dinner can fix," he laughed bitterly. "Yes, some of it is both of our fault, but it's mostly yours, Jane, and I've just had to deal with it in order to salvage my name. Nothing will be fixed tonight,"

"Then at least be nice to him for a change. He's a good man. He's doing a good job…anyone can see that. Put aside your problems with him and acknowledge his strengths for once,"

He fastened his cufflinks and finally met his wife's blue eyes in the mirror. His stomach dipped in pain; her blue eyes did him in every time.

They'd drawn him to her so many years ago, but many things had happened since, and it was hard to just see love in them now. But her pretty eyes weren't unique; Damon had them, too. Perhaps the fact that he had _her_ eyes made it easier. He'd never been emotional. He'd never been one to admit when something bothered him. But he'd spent 30 years avoiding Damon for a reason. _His_ blue eyes made him hate his wife.

"I expect you to be nice, Giuseppe," she repeated, fragile voiced. "I really have nothing more to say, so I will meet you downstairs when you're ready," her voice broke as she stepped through the door, defeated again. "Think I about what I've said,"

Guilt and anguish crept up on her again as it had so many times before. But what could she do? She loved them. She loved all of them. There was no going back now, and though life might've been simpler if she could, she wouldn't change a thing.

She fell to the ground in sobs as her heart broke in a million tiny pieces as it had so many times before. The tears of a 67-year-old woman held years of secrets and lies. In a way, Giuseppe was right; it was her fault. She'd made a hasty decision out of anger. She'd forced herself to decide quickly and it could be said she chose wrong. But it was far too late for _that,_ too. She really had loved them both, she'd just been too angry with the one she loved more and pushed him away at the last moment. It was supposed to be done when she said 'I do', but it wasn't. He _didn't_ go away. He stayed in her heart, and years later, he reminded her of the love she'd so easily thrown away. Maybe that was why she had such a soft spot for her youngest son…

* * *

And now that youngest son was dressed handsomely, smiling at his girlfriend in his kitchen.

"Elena, wow…" Damon's eyes brightened at the sight of her. She was in a simple but pretty black and white dress that fell to her knees. It was 5 p.m. and they were just about ready to leave for dinner at his parents'.

"And you…" she smirked, running her hand down his arm against the smooth, pressed fabric of his white dress shirt. He was before her in a nicely fitting pair of charcoal dress pants and shiny black shoes. She took in his sharp royal blue tie and let out a small noise of approval.

"I take it you approve," his eyebrows raised when her hands went to his tie to pull him to her lips, backing herself against the counter. But the kissing stopped when his lips turned into a broad smile. "I don't think so, Lena…" he pulled away from her and smoothed the sides of her dress down. "Don't go giving me reasons to back out of this thing now," his hand flattened his quickly ruffled hair at the back of his head. "I already don't want to go…"

"Ugh…." Chase came into the room, grumbling. "Let's get this dinner over with…"

"You, too?" Elena let out a sigh of exasperation. "Am I the _only_ one excited about tonight?"

"Yes," they answered in unison and a small smile found her lips. They really were so similar.

"And you'll see things our way in about three hours when everyone's patience is gone before the cake is even served," he noted. "This isn't like dinner with your family…"

Damon's thoughts floated to his childhood dinners. He'd spent many nights staring at his plate, his appetite lost. He'd push his food around until his father's eyes were no longer on him and he could breathe again. When his father was done eating, he'd rise and leave them there and Damon would shovel mouthfuls of food in while he could. Giuseppe's presence made him sick to his stomach then and he was sure it would now. They'd been to dinner once since Chase had moved in and that hadn't gone well at all. It would be the same or worse this time, he figured.

Chase's voice brought his worried attention back to the present.

"You shouldn't be excited about going, Elena," Chase said, back to scheming. "Really…don't get your hopes up. Grandpa won't want you there, anyway…"

"What did you just say?" Damon stepped forward, anger and shock flowing through him. Things had been fine just a moment ago, now he was cocky and insulting Elena and that wasn't going to work. He'd taken a few too many verbal swings at her lately and they seemed to come out nowhere.

"I said grandpa won't like her," he tried to keep his voice steady, but his stomach sloshed with guilt and pain of his own when the color drained from Elena's face.

Damon's head flew back and forth wildly as he walked up to his nephew with a hard expression on his face. "You're _really_ pushing it right now. Did you even think about how that would make her feel? No, don't answer," he held up his hand and shook his head. "I don't want to hear anything else. Shut your mouth and go to your room," he pointed down the hallway.

"Why, because you know I'm right? No matter what you do, Grandpa doesn't approve. He won't approve of Elena, either…and you know _why_," Damon gritted his teeth at the words. Chase was never meant to hear that conversation between him and Elena last Tuesday. It was clear now that he had, and that would call for much more explanation later, when they had more time.

"Shut your _mouth_…" Damon's finger pressed into Chase's chest lightly and he shot him daggers, reminding him to think before he spoke.

"Can't go in my room," he shrugged. "If I do, we'll be late for dinner…" he swallowed. "I'm just being honest. You don't have to get all riled up about it. I mean, I like Elena just fine," his eyes went to her and his gut churned in agony at the tears he knew he'd made fall onto her cheeks. "It's just a fact that she doesn't fit into the category he wants for you. I'm just warning you, Elena, that's all…"

He may not have heard _all_ the details said between his grandfather and his uncle, but he'd started piecing the puzzle together quickly. And now that he'd heard Elena say she didn't _want_ those things, the puzzle was complete. Of course there was more to it that Giuseppe didn't know, but Giuseppe had never been one to look into things before judging. Chase heard his grandpa loud and clear, he _wouldn't_ accept a woman like Elena...

And it hurt Chase to point it out; but it was part of his new test. His earlier strategy hadn't worked. The night she found him with Natalie, she seemed more dead set on helping him than she ever had. She forgave him too easily. He had to try something else to get her angry, so this time he went for her heart. He went for Damon. If they were so strong, they wouldn't fight. They'd bond together and bring him down, he figured.

It was manipulation at its finest; he'd push buttons to anger Damon and eventually he'd give up on him and send him away. In the long run, he'd be away from her too…both of them…and everyone would stop hurting. He'd hurt them just a little bit more, and then he'd never hurt them again. They could be happy together, without him. It was hard at first, but he couldn't see any other way. Nothing else he did made her stop loving him.

Damon looked at his watch and his hand rubbed across his stress-lined forehead, "You're right. We don't have a lot of time. But I can't look at you right now and I'm starting to lose my temper really quickly here…" his fancy shoes clicked on the linoleum of the kitchen floor. "So it's best if you just do as I say and go in your room until we are absolutely 100% ready to go…" he cleared his throat. "And tuck in your shirt…." He added as his nephew disappeared into his bedroom.

"Is he right?" Elena managed. "Your father won't like me?" the room was silent except for the big clock ticking on the wall.

Damon dragged a hand through his hair a few times in complete frustration. Chase just _had_ to open his mouth about it then. Damon knew exactly what he was referring to. His father didn't have a lot to say to him, but he took jabs at him at any opportunity. This was one jab that wasn't for Elena's ears, however. There were some things she just didn't need to know.

He thought he'd been alone with his Dad, but Chase's headphones weren't always _on_ when he thought they were. He had to have heard…

But now he was scrambling to change the subject.

"My Dad doesn't like anyone besides Stefan…and maybe Chase," he didn't want to lie but this wasn't something he wanted to get into just then. "It's nothing personal. Chase didn't mean it, I'm sure. You know how strange he's been acting around us lately. He's probably just embarrassed about the Natalie thing…"

"But why would he say it? He specifically said he wouldn't like _me_…" her voice was hurt and small. He rarely heard that anymore and he hated it. He sighed in exasperation, completely unsure of what to do. He walked over to her and swept her hair off her shoulder and smiled, holding back the emotions that wanted to rush out of his mouth. He kissed her on the lips quickly, choosing wrongly to take the easy way out. It would bite him in the ass later, but he couldn't worry about that now.

"Don't worry, okay? It doesn't matter anyway. I know you're good for me. I like you. You know how I feel…that's all that matters, right? Dad's opinion has never mattered about anything else and it doesn't matter now…"

"So you're admitting it," Elena's heart stopped. "In so many words, you're admitting that your dad is going to hate me…" his mouth was tight. "Why?"

"Elena, I said you don't need to worry about it…" There were so many other, better things he could've said but he was still learning.

"But you won't tell me why…._why_ won't you tell me, Damon…" she raised her voice. "I have a right to know…"

"Because it doesn't matter," he laughed, frustrated that she wouldn't drop it. How many times did he have to say it? "Why won't _you_ listen to me when I say to forget about it? Come on, Elena. Are you going to believe me or a fourteen year old kid?" he tried to play it off but she was just panicking now. It was snowballing and he had no idea how to stop it.

"You know what? Now _I_ don't want to go with you, and not because I'm worried about what your dad thinks. You know I hate labels and all that…I just wanted some honesty about it, I guess. The fact that you're hiding something is far worse than some opinion. I thought I made it clear that we are done pretending…" her words came out as short, bitter snaps of disappointment.

"Look, I'm sorry, but I don't want to do this right now. Chase is an ass. I'm an even bigger ass, it seems, and you're crying because of both of us. We have to leave in five minutes and if I have to do this, I want you by my side…" he swallowed. "Please just trust me when I say it doesn't matter, Lena. Please," he begged. His stomach ached. He couldn't tell her; not then, preferably not _ever_.

It hadn't even been a week since she'd brought it up. She'd made her future quite clear, come right out and said it with no doubt or hesitation in her voice.

"_I don't want that again…" _her words echoed in his memory, "_I can't…"_

It had been before she'd told him she was falling in love with him, but that didn't change anything…did it?

Bringing it up again was unnecessary and would remind her of the things she desperately wanted to forget. He _was_ hiding something, but it was because he loved her and didn't want to tell her.

But the sadness in her eyes was alarming and he felt guilty for his secrets.

"I'm angry with you, Damon…" she said seriously. "And I'm hurt that you would keep something from me. You clearly know what he won't like about me and you're just choosing to keep it to yourself. If it really didn't matter, you'd come out and say it. I thought you didn't give a shit what people think about you…"

"I do care what you think, and I care when people have wrong opinions about the people I care about," he swallowed. "And I'm perfectly fine that you're angry with me as long as it doesn't mean you're not coming tonight," he frowned, defeated. "I can't go without you…I promise I'll tell you later, okay? When we have more time and it's all over with…" he sighed. "And he's not going to _hate_ you…he just has ideas of what Salvatore men should do and be and he's never accepted my choices to begin with. You have nothing to worry about. This changes nothing,"

A mouthful of hot breath escaped her lips slowly. A few months ago, she'd have been blasting off the starting blocks, terrified. But she was too wrapped up in him now, and although she was angry, it seemed he really did have her best interests at heart. She couldn't imagine him hiding something if it wasn't completely necessary. They'd talk later, probably about more than just that. If Damon and Chase were right about Salvatore family dinners, there'd be _plenty _of cryptic looks to decipher at the table. Despite how he acted, he _was_ worried about seeing his father, and she cared about him too much to back out now.

She closed her eyes and nodded, feeling down but not out. "I'll come because I care about you, too. I just wish it wasn't like this with us. First you were careful around me because you thought I'd run. Now that you know about my past you're careful around me as if anything you do or say is going to break me. You used to be the one person that _didn't_ see that when you looked at me…and now I'm afraid it's all you see…I'm afraid of what this is going to do to us. If you're this afraid to be honest about some stupid little thing, what happens when you don't want me anymore?"

"What?" The air left his lungs. "Lena, no…" he shook his head, shocked she'd even say it. "That's not going to hap…"

"If you're so afraid you'll break me now, will you stay with me forever just so you don't hurt me? Even when you're not happy anymore…even when you've realized what life with me is really like…?"

"We're not going to break up! Why are you talking like this?" his eyes were wide, frightened.

"You sound so sure," she shook her head. "But we will…I mean, eventually, right? You won't feel this way forever…not about _me_," she cried. She wasn't even sure where it was coming from. Something deep within her ached and she couldn't help it. She lacked self-confidence and it didn't often show, but it was rearing its ugly head now and Damon could see it, clear as day.

"I'm not planning on breaking up with you," he snapped, hurt that she'd suggest they had no real future. "I said I was falling in love with you. Maybe I'm bad with words but I thought you understood what I meant. It means I can't imagine losing you. It means you're mine as long as you want to be…"

"Please don't start promising things you can't give me. I've had enough of that," she pled.

"You were the one who said you'd be around when Chase left….you said you were falling for me, too. You're not the only one those words meant something to, you know!"

"Maybe I said them too soon," she swallowed thickly, the sound of her throat the only sound she could hear in over the ticking clock.

"What?" His heart was in his throat and he swallowed it down roughly. "So what are you saying? You don't want this?"

Her eyes blazed with panic. She wasn't even sure what she was saying anymore, but it was probably stupid and something she didn't mean. She'd regret it all later and wish she'd kept her mouth shut until after the dinner.

"No! I do want it…it's just …you _know _what you're getting into with me, don't you? This," she pointed to herself. "This panic, this fear…this is who I am. It's what I do, Damon. Is this what you want?"

"Yes, sure, if it's who you are. I mean I wish you didn't have to feel that way, but I'm not _getting _into anything. I'm already in it. And whatever defense you're trying to throw up against me, it's not going to work because I'm not the one you should be fighting. I'm on your side. You might regret saying those words but I don't. I meant them. I'm falling in love with you, hard and fast and I don't want to stop," She stared at him shocked. _That_ was a far bigger step than he'd taken before.

"I just want _this_ to stop," he motioned between them, continuing, "This back and forth shit is stupid and we're better than this, aren't we?" He watched her tears for a moment and swallowed back his own. "Aren't we?" he repeated softly.

"Ugh," she clawed at her one perfectly in place hair. "I told you…I'm hot and cold, Damon. Everything's perfect and then something sets me off and it's not. I start to see holes. I start to see stupid little things that remind me of how life and love screwed me over before. And I want to believe that we're different…but when you do shit like this…as stupid or as insignificant as you make it out to be…well, it scares me. Now I'm talking in circles and we should've left three minutes ago, but what I'm basically saying is you can't love me and keep things from me…."He waited to hear back pedaling, anything that would indicate that she _didn't_ regret saying she was falling love with him...but it didn't come. He was left to believe she meant it and that completely wrecked him.

"I…." The words were stunned from his system. She'd gotten to him in the worst ways and he felt like the ass she made him out to be. Now there really _was_ more to discuss than just his father's opinions of her. Now there was much, much more. It seemed she didn't see what he saw. They were stuck, staring, aching desperate to fix it but just so stubborn...

"Alright, no one came to get me and I'm hungry. Let's get this over with," Chase groaned closing his door behind him and walking in between the heated discussion. "What's wrong with you two?" His stomach dropped when he saw them, red faced and angry before him. He'd had affect alright, but not the right kind. They were fighting with each other, not with him.

Elena shook her head and wiped her eyes. "Nothing. We're fine…" she took a slow breath and plastered a smile on her face, afraid to show him their problems. "As you said, let's get this over with…" she grabbed her purse and marched through the apartment door, leaving Damon and Chase speechless in her wake.

"Well damn," Damon said, floored at what had just happened. "I'm in trouble,"

"Is it because of what I…"

"Yes," he barked. "From now on, do us all a favor and don't say things you know are going to hurt her. This is the second time you've done this in a week. It's like you drank stupid punch at that dance and now you don't think about what comes out of your mouth," he sighed. "I swear, sometimes it feels like you're doing it on purpose," he shook his head and grabbed his keys and wallet and walked out the door with his nephew dragging behind him.

* * *

The car ride was tense. Elena's hands were on her own knees the whole time and she stared straight out the window. He gripped the wheel, driving carefully and attentively. He was smart enough to not let his feelings affect his driving anymore. They might be fighting but he still loved her. He could still remember _why_ she was so fragile and the reason had all begun with angry driving.

Half an hour later they were stepping over the threshold of his childhood home with heavy hearts. The entryway was empty as the two of them stepped inside. His mother hadn't seen them yet and Chase was still fiddling with something in the car.

The house was enormous with beautifully structured cathedral ceilings. The walls were blood red and bare, aside from a few paintings. To say it was intimidating was an understatement; it felt more like a museum than a home. Her analysis ended when saw the man next to her stiffen. If it was possible, he was even tenser than he had been in the car.

The color and life was drained from his handsome face; he looked as if he'd just seen a ghost. He stood still, glued to the floor. Memories or nightmares were running through him; she was sure of it. Maybe it was a combination of their fight and being near his father, but he looked sick and sad and lost.

The fun in his eyes was buried under layers of hard ice; he looked colder and more distant she'd ever seen before. Her hands itched to reach out to him, to stroke his smooth cheeks and send him a look that meant she really _was_ still there for him. Her head was yelling at her for buckling so easy, but it was nearly impossible to not touch him. They were one big mess.

She watched him, fists balled and hard faced for another minute before her heart started to race. He wasn't perfect and neither was she. They'd both made mistakes that day and they would again. Her disappointment sat on a time out while her hand automatically went up to touch his face. Who was she kidding? She sighed.

"Damon…" She asked softly, her thumb running over his cheekbone lightly. She swore he winced and her heart broke just a little at the sight. "I don't want to fight, not here, not anywhere. We have some serious things to talk about," she swallowed. "But it doesn't mean I'm not on your side, I'm always on your side…" he stared forward for a moment and she closed her eyes until she felt his hand resting on top of hers on his cheek.

She noticeably relaxed, leaning her forehead into his chest, sniffling back more tears. She was so sick of crying. She shouldn't have anything left in her to cry….

"What are you thinking about?" she said into his chest. She pulled back, realizing her mascara threatened to stain his clean white shirt, but he crashed her head back against him and ran his thumb down the back of her neck slowly, and the gesture served to calm both of them.

"You," he swallowed. "Mostly you…but also how this place never really felt like home…ever…" He paused, feeling his heart rate pick up. "I moved out as soon as I could, when I was old enough. Look at it," his eyes floated along the detailed wood of the curio cabinet, the perfectly polished hardwood floors. "I was afraid to touch anything as a kid…."

"You're going to be okay. You're not a kid anymore," she reminded him gently.

"To him I am," he snorted, his face stiffening again. "And in a few minutes, when we sit down at that table, he'll remind me of it all over again. I assure you…"

Her head spun with indecision. She'd only been stubborn and insistent about them going because she thought it would help him, but now he looked sick and afraid and not capable of healing with one small birthday dinner. She could hardly force him into something that made him so uncomfortable. It was like the people who made her feel badly for not attending Jace's funeral. Some things just weren't worthy of forgiveness.

"He looks at me and sees nothing, Elena…"

"Well he's wrong," she pulled back again, looking up at him. "And we won't stand for it," she said seriously. Her eyes softened and her hand found the side of his smooth face again and his frozen eyes began to thaw. She'd said 'we,' he noticed, and suddenly it was his new favorite word.

He'd prepared himself to face his father. Sure, he was a little worse for the wear from earlier events, but overall, he looked powerful. He looked like a man who was raised in a big, fancy house with boring statues. He'd dressed that way for a reason, she knew. It seemed his father was incapable of seeing the insides of his kids; if he could, he'd see a raw and wounded man in Stefan and a strong, brilliant soul in Damon. He was pulling out all the obvious stops to prove himself to his father.

"I love your enthusiasm, but that's all easier said than done," his lip curled. He'd already given up and he hadn't even seen his dad yet, she realized. His smile was bitter and crazed as if some scene was already unfolding before him that she could not see. Perhaps there were bigger things going on than she realized.

She'd thought he'd poured most of it out to her on that beach. After that, he'd been snarky and grumbled about how his father only did one of two things when it came to him; ignored or yelled. Though he'd never come right out and said it, it seemed Giuseppe disliked his younger son. Damon spent years holding onto that tiny glimmer of hope that he was wrong, but it dwindled each time he stepped through that front door. But Damon's face didn't say power now. This man looked empty and sorrowful, bitter and full of regret.

"I'm sick about us…about everything…"Her nerves were spinning at the sudden memory that she was about to be judged, too. At least his mother knew her, and it seemed like she liked her.

His jaw was set as her fingers ran along it softly. Was she angry with him? Yes. Was she hurt? Yes, more so than angry. But more than anything else, she realized she was afraid of not being everything Damon needed. She still feared that her caution and opinion on certain things in life would mean he couldn't truly be happy.

"I'm willing to go home, if you still want to…" she was backing out, but at least it was with him and not from him this time. "Say the words and we're gone….we'll go in the car, drive away and call. They'll never know we even got here…"

Everything was sideways inside of Elena at that moment; her head tipped and her stomach ached at the way he'd shut off, even from her. Her heels made them almost equal in height. His heart pounded against her left hand and he swallowed, ready to speak, ready to say 'yes,' he wanted to leave, that he was sick about them too and just wanted to lock himself in a room with her and purge all those emotions…but he never got the chance.

"Oh, you're here," Janie's voice squealed and she ran up next to them, breaking the tension between them. Damon stared for a moment, wondering just how much she'd heard. But her eyes were clear and free of worry and her smile was broad. "Where's Chase?"

"In the car," Elena frowned. The words came out slowly as she realized he'd been in there an awfully long time. "I'll check on him…" she sent Damon a reassuring nod and a small smile as she stepped away from him. He looked weary when she left, as if she were the final thread holding him together that day.

"So glad to see you've brought Elena," Janie beamed. "I'd like to get to know her," Damon smiled at her words. Something had come over his mother, it seemed. She seemed more relaxed.

"Sure, Mom," he nodded.

"But is it safe for me to get attached? I don't want to stir up trouble, but my personal relationship with Caroline hasn't been the best. We tolerate, not adore that one," she admitted. She said nothing about support or love and he didn't ask. "I still can't believe what you said. I never thought I'd hear you say you wanted that…but she's lovely and sweet, and down the line, I could see…"

"About that, Mom, we need to talk," he started but she interrupted and he was afraid to push.

"It'd be nice to have a woman at family things that I had something in common with….that being _you_. And _if_ in a few years it turns into more…well, it'd be beautiful,"

"Okay, Ma…" he smirked, trying to stop her from saying anything else when he saw Elena and Chase walk through the door. Chase was shoving something back into his pocket. Damon met Elena's gaze and she nodded, assuring him no more drama had ensued in the short while they were away. They could fight and bicker until they were blue in the face, but when it came to that kid, they were on the same page every time; they both wanted whatever was best for him, regardless of the situation. They both loved him and they were both completely and totally worried about him recently.

But now his voice was light and normal. "Alright let's get this rolling," Chase rubbed his hands together and walked through the long, bare hallway, leading the way to the dinner table. Janie followed quickly after, wanting to get things situated before everyone else got in the kitchen.

Damon caught Elena's hand in his and squeezed it.

"I'm sorry…for everything…" he whispered softly and kissed her on the cheek before he took a deep breath and led them into the kitchen. She was still upset, but the fact that he'd apologized made things a little better. He needed her support, she knew, and she would be there for him, no matter how frustrated he made her sometimes.

* * *

They were seated at the large, fancy table within moments. Giuseppe was at the head, Damon across from Elena and Chase sat next to him, across from Janie. Damon was right, Elena thought. It really was _awkward_. The light in Janie's eyes had once again gone out and she was all hollow and silent. It was sad, really, and she didn't even know her very well. She was a shell of the woman she'd seen just minutes before. Oh, she knew the reason. It was seated a few feet down the table, sending everyone a condescending stare.

Giuseppe Salvatore didn't know how to do small talk. He went for the big stuff right out the gate. Dinner conversation had never felt so heavy and she'd never lost her appetite so quickly.

"Don't you feed the boy?" Giuseppe frowned as Chase polished off two helpings of Prime Rib and was moving onto his third helping of mashed potatoes and green beans. "It's like he's never seen vegetables before."

Damon continued to eat, ignoring his father's question. "I love the whole cream cheese added to the potatoes thing, mom. Really delicious. I can absolutely taste the difference," he pointed at his pile with his fork and smiled at her.

"I asked you a question, son," Giuseppe coughed. "It's rude of you not to answer,"

Damon shrugged. "Thought it was rhetorical," he said coldly, staring down at his plate again. "I don't know…Chase, do I feed you?" he motioned to him with his salad fork and the boy smirked. Elena's heart was banging a warning drum; things were about to get nasty. Damon's eyes were way too dark and their tension came off in destructive, poisonous waves.

Giuseppe set his fork down on his empty plate and wiped his mouth with his cloth napkin. Elena's eyes went from man to man to Chase; the body language between the Salvatore men told the story that their lips did not.

Chase was leaned over his plate casually, eating as if he were completely oblivious to any kind of awkwardness in the room. It was refreshing to see him with a smile on his face instead of the recent twist of sadness he'd carried the last week.

Damon was stiff in his seat, his lips quirked, resentment in his usually carefree eyes. Giuseppe wore an arrogant smile, as if he enjoyed making his son uncomfortable.

Janie prayed the topic was just over with after a moment of nothing, but she knew her husband too well. He didn't just drop things…not until he made his point and everyone understood it.

"Of course it isn't rhetorical. I wouldn't waste my breath on a rhetorical question," his face was calm and his voice was quiet yet firm. He didn't have to raise his voice to get his irritation across. "The boy is thin…too thin. It looks like you don't feed him,"

"Giuseppe…" Janie warned but he shook his head, "Please don't start. This is your birthday dinner. Your son and grandson have come to celebrate with you…"

"Stay out of this, Janie. I'm not starting anything. It was just a statement. I have a right to say whatever I want. This is my house, my dinner table. And if my grandson looks like he hasn't eaten in 2 weeks, I have a right to address it. If Damon can't see that…"

"He _eats_," Damon said seriously and he felt Elena's foot scoot to touch his under the table to calm him. He met her eyes cautiously, afraid their fight from before would be lingering behind them. But he was met with kindness and gentleness and he breathed a sigh of relief.

"I eat," Chase added, abandoning his wicked plan for a moment and defending his new little family. "Three meals a day,"

"Hmm…well he doesn't eat well then," he said, needing the final say.

Damon left it at that and they continued to eat for a few minutes. It was becoming easier to see what Elena meant about keeping his calm. It actually felt somewhat effective. It was almost as if he'd won a small battle in a greater war until Giuseppe found an even more damaging way to break the silence.

His father's gaze went to Elena and the world exploded.

"So, Elena is it?" he chewed his prime rib slowly, stretching her name out deliberately. His eyebrows rose knowingly and Damon's fists clenched. Now it was her turn to really learn his wrath. He was a conniving man; he did and said things to hurt people, but made them seem innocent.

"Yes, Mr. Salvatore. Elena Gilbert," her heart pounded in his chest as she was met with his mossy green eyes. He was handsome, for an old man. His jawline was strong and he still had a full head of grey hair. He was charming and intimidating and for a moment, she saw where Damon learned his cockiness. His sweeter traits must've come from his mother, though; she had a heart of gold when she was on her own.

"This is your girlfriend, Damon? The same Elena…" his eyes wandered along her slowly, as if he were doing an assessment on a car. She shuttered, completely understanding what Damon meant when he said his father had a presence.

"Yes," he said seriously with a pounding heart. He looked straight at her instead of his father. _Same Elena? _She thought._ What did that mean?_

"Serious, is it?" Giuseppe asked, painfully slow.

"Yes," He wanted to use as few words as possible with his father. The less he said the less chance anything _else_ would come up. "We're serious," Elena's heart pounded faster and a little color rose to her cheeks. _How_ serious did he think they were?

Janie smiled, proud of Damon's honestly. He wasn't one to share feelings but he hadn't held back once when it came to Elena.

"Interesting…" Giuseppe said slowly before he took another bite of Prime Rib. If there was one thing she hated, it was feeling like all eyes were on her. These people knew nothing of her past, but her stomach twisted with the idea of what they expected from her. "Forgive my disbelief, _Elena_," he tested her name nastily. It sounded as if he had a bad taste in his mouth. "It's just that my son hasn't brought a woman home before….it's unusual," and he had her feeling confident and lucky for a moment, until he dropped the other half. "You're not pregnant dear, are you?"

Elena choked on her carrots and grabbed at her water glass quickly. She looked up at Damon in worry and saw him seething. She took a swig of water and willed herself to relax, but the room was buzzing and heat was filling her mouth.

"What the _hell_ kind of question is that?" Damon asked angrily. "I can't have a serious relationship without there being another reason for it? You can have as many problems with me as you want, but leave her out of it,"

Their fight was becoming reality. He'd tried so hard earlier to make sure she didn't find out, but now his father was headed down that road anyway. He was enough of an ass to say them without much thought. He liked no one and no one liked him. He really had no losses to cut.

Janie's eyes slid to the side, assessing the woman next to her. Elena caught her sideways glance and saw an apologetic smile on her mouth. She nodded appreciatively. Janie had done nothing wrong. She was the strange glue that kept that family together, Elena realized. It was really just odd.

"No sir. I'm not pregnant," she said finally. "And that won't be an issue. I don't want kids,"

"Hm. Well if you're as serious as you say you are, I'm sure it will happen one day. If you want to make my son happy, that is…" he tapped his index finger on his bottom lip, watching her squirm. "Janie was just telling me the other day how much my son has changed…" he began. "Funny…the last time we sat at this dinner table you told me that you'd broken up with Elena, but that you intended to try to get back with her, in time…"

The words bounced in her head. That wasn't the way she remembered it. He had completely withdrawn from her. _She'd_ chased _him_. All this time he'd wanted her back, too? She wasn't sure if she should be happy or angry with that news.

"And if I remember correctly, later that night, when we were alone, I told you not to waste your time on a woman who'd once agreed to _just_ have sex with you…that someone like that would never be a suitable mother for your children..."

"Dad…" his voice rose, pleading for him to have mercy and stop. Elena's eyes clouded. Chase dropped his fork and his eyes widened. So _that_ was the type of arrangement they'd had! He'd heard bits and pieces but never this! He didn't really think that was _all_ they'd been…

"Now I know you must serious about Elena here because I've never heard you mention kids until this one came around," he paused and the world stopped turning so it could listen, too. "Your mother here tells me this morning that not only are you back together, but that just last week you told her not to lose hope of having more grandchildren. And now here you are at my dinner table," he smirked wickedly at her. "Now Elena, you're beautiful. I can see why he'd choose you…but you can't blame me for the confusion, here…Damon's bed was a regular Holiday Inn for quite some time before you got to him. I find it hard to believe you've really put a stop to all that…" his jaw was tight with a nasty smile as Elena dropped her fork. Her heart buckled and the room spun. Nausea set in and her lungs tightened in that familiar attack that had besieged her the day she'd told the story of Cade.

"Enough!" Damon yelled as the color left her face. "Stop it! How dare you say those things…how dare you talk to her that way!"

_Kids_…Damon had never once mentioned wanting kids of his own. She'd just told him last week that she didn't want children. She loved Cade, but she wasn't sure she could do it again. And he'd nodded and seemed to understand….so had he told his mother this before or after the conversation? Suddenly their plates were getting full of topics to talk about. She knew he said he was serious but kids? Down the line…even that came as a complete shock. He'd spent so much time saying he wasn't a good parent, how he wasn't meant to raise children, and now this. The world was collapsing around her again for the second time that month.

Her stomach churned and she slid out her chair, her eye catching sight of the bathroom on the way down the hall. She fell on the ground, losing the contents of her stomach in an instant. She heaved and she panted, sick and hot from the thought of what it mean. Ruined aspirations, reasons why they couldn't be completely happy…

In an instant, Damon was beside her, his hands on her back and his eyes on hers, "I'm sorry…" He kneeled on the ground beside her, his head pounding.

"Is he right?" she shook her head. "You told me you never wanted kids. You said you were fine with the fact that I didn't want to have kids," she cried. "This is how I find out you were lying? Or was he the one lying?"

"No…I did say those things…" he swallowed. "But I meant way down the line…way down the line…years, Elena…" he gestured with a wave, "and that was before we talked. I didn't know how you felt about it when I said that. It was just a thought, not a requirement or anything like that. I'm fine with what you want. We're still new and I should've never opened my mouth to Mom in the first place. It just slipped out…"

She shook her head. "So you _do_ want a family one day? And you think you want it with me..." it didn't come out as a question, but a statement. "How can you even _think_ about that yet? I'm not there. I'm not...and I can't be, Damon...you're scaring me..." Her heart was still slamming in her chest. She couldn't remember being so shocked.

"I'm sorry, but you want honesty. I _did_ think about it and I did think I wanted it…but not more than I want you…so no. It was all just a 'what if' and we know how those go, right? It was just an idea, a thought. I didn't mean soon. _That's_ how much you mean to me, Elena. When I said you made me want things I never thought I'd want…well…"

"That settles it!" Her arms flew in the air. "I really _can't_ be everything you wanted. Earlier…the fight…that's what Chase meant, isn't it? Your father expects you to have kids and you've been fighting it for years but now you're open to it and I'm shutting you down. You fell in love with the wrong person," she breathed. "That's why he won't like me. I won't give him more grandchildren…" the words came out as a sob. "I'm a waste of time,"

"Lena, he's an old, bitter man. He wants what he wants and he doesn't care who gets hurt in the process. He hates me, okay? He just wants me to have kids so he can have more people to boss around. He wants me to settle down because that's what Salvatore's do. They don't screw around. They don't die lonely old men. They have kids to carry on the wealth and business," he swallowed before continuing.

"But I don't need his standards. Do you believe me now? When I said that stuff to Mom, it wasn't so it would get back to him. I said it because for the first time ever, I saw a future with someone and I started blabbing. Like I said, none of that matters. I didn't want to tell you before we left because I was afraid this is how you'd react…but now I see that it's worse this way, hearing it from him, the devil himself. It came out all wrong. I didn't want to tell you that I'd thought of those things because I didn't want to scare you. But now I've scared you anyway, maybe worse..."

"I don't know what to say…" she shook her head. "It doesn't change anything. I can't be that for you and I never will be. I'm shocked that your mind has even gone there. For someone who didn't want to be in love and never wanted a family, you've got me half down the aisle, pregnant with twins carrying a moving box so we can live in a house with a white picket fence…" he was sure she hadn't blinked in nearly a minute.

"No," he smiled at her attempt at sarcasm. He knew her well enough to know it meant she was ready to draw it to a close for the time being. "Please don't look at it like this. I know you don't see it this way, but it's amazing really…that I'd be open to something like that in a few years, if things worked out with us. Are you angry with me for it?"

"It's not anger…" she shook her head. "I think I'm afraid.." and he saw it in her eyes...she was drifting, if only a little bit. He wanted to reel her in, but it couldn't happen so quickly, he knew. He had to go easy and gently, so she wouldn't just float away forever.

"If you want, we can just go home. We can talk about it more if you'd like, but I want you to know that I meant what I said. It blew up for nothing…all of it. It's why I didn't want you to know in the first place, because it doesn't matter anymore. I just want _you_, Elena. If that's all we have, that's enough. Can you imagine me as a dad, anyway?"

"Yes," she said without hesitation. "That's what hurts the most. I can…" she shook her head and he stared, blinking in wonder at the meaning behind her words. She inhaled, changing the subject. "I just need a few minutes here. I've made a scene and I don't know how I'll ever come back from it, but I don't think running away will help, either."

"I can explain it to them…or mom at least. Dad doesn't deserve to know…"

"No! I don't want them knowing yet," she shook her head, pleading. "It's hard enough as it is. I don't want them to judge me on top of everything else," she sighed.

"I'll come up with something. I have a thing or three to say to that bastard in the meantime. He always pisses me off but this has really pushed me over the edge…" his fists tightened into balls. "Yell for me if you need, and I'm here," he sent her a soft smile before his features hardened and he pushed back through the door.

He met his mother's worried gaze as he stepped out of the bathroom. "She's not feeling well. She hasn't eaten enough today and she's nervous," his lips went lopsided in a smile that she could read right through. There was more to it; absolutely, but she wasn't going to push.

"Your father's down in the parlor," he swallowed. "Please don't get into it. He's not feeling well, Damon…"

"Oh I'm getting into it," he barked. "He insulted Elena. That's one thing that doesn't bode well with me. I can take a lot of shit but I can't take someone insulting the woman I love,"

"Love…" it came out as a whisper, and a small smile formed on her lips. Of course she'd figured it, if he'd dreamed of children, but he'd never come right out and said it. It was beautiful.

"_Love_…" he confirmed, their blue eyes meeting. "I'm sorry, Mom…but I can't let this go…not this time around…"

* * *

He stormed into the basement, fists still balled as he met his father against the bar. He was sipping gin with a sick grin on his face. Damon's heart pounded as he lifted his father's glass and threw it against the mirror on the wall, the glass shattering on both.

"At least you have a Salvatore temper, that's for sure," he said calmly, staring at the broken glass.

"What the fuck is wrong with you, Dad?" He yelled, knowing his was out of earshot from the other three. "Why would you do that? Why would you say those things in front of her…about her being a waste of time? Thinking the only way she'd be worthy of me is if she were carrying my child? And the way you talked to her…as if she were nothing…" he laughed bitterly. "It's one thing to mess with me a completely different thing to start on her. She didn't do anything to any of you..."

"Oh it's not about her, Damon," he found another tumbler and filled it with gin. "It's about you and the way you've chosen to live. I've never liked it…but now you're in charge of my grandson and that changes everything. You can't be fucking around with some woman and expect it to be okay. That's a terrible environment to raise a child. You say you're serious but she doesn't want children. You might e serious, but she isn't…"

"Excuse me. You don't know anything about my relationship with Elena," his eyes were big and wild and crazy. "You have no right to judge what I'm doing with my life. I'm taking _damn_ good care of the son your other son _couldn't_," he spat. "I'm more responsible than he has ever been, and Elena is a better _non_-Mother to Chase than that dumb bitch Caroline could _ever_ be…" he yelled. "You don't know _anything_," he bit out. "So don't pretend you do. And stay out of my business,"

"I know you're playing house. I know that you _think_ you know what you're doing but you don't. Do you think that's a good message to send the boy, that he can sleep with whomever he wants whenever he wants and that it's acceptable? Is it healthy for him to see you use women and discard them as nothing? It's not healthy for you! Hell, you can barely take care of yourself, let alone a child!"

"For the hundredth time, I'm not using her. We're together. She's really with me, as hard as it may be for you to believe that someone would want me….Elena does. I think she loves me, Dad…" the anger broke away from his voice for a moment and he was just that little boy again, but his stomach twisted at the memory of her words earlier. '_Maybe I said them too soon_...' they echoed. He swallowed, pained and broken. Regardless of how hot and cold she was, he still loved her. He was going to fix it. They would be fine...

"Hm…you better make sure that's _all_ she wants. I saw her eyeing up the statues in the hallway,"

"You son of a bitch," he threw his fist right into his father's old, strong face but the man laughed.

"You think it's funny?" Damon yelled. "What the _hell_ did I ever do to you? I've been good. I've been decent, for the most part. I stayed out of your hair. I never really caused you problems, yet you've been ignoring me or crushing my dreams for as long as I can remember. Stefan fucked up. He had a kid. He did drugs. He married a woman who ruined his life. That's your precious older son, not _me_. I begged you to pay attention to me and it didn't work, so I stayed away and _that_ didn't work…" he shook his head. "So then I just stopped caring and I _thought_ that worked, but then I realized that you owe me an explanation…and I want it now,"

"I don't owe you anything. I'm the father. I parent how I choose. You could learn a thing or two from disciplined parenting. How would you like it if Chase talked back to you the way you're yelling at me right now?"

"You didn't parent me at all. The only parental decision you ever made was when you said I couldn't get that surgery, and that was pretty shitty," he shook his head. "Well I may not be a father, but I get it. Chase _isn't_ my child but I love him just the same. I spend time with him and talk to him as if he were my own. He and I are closer than you and I have been in thirty years, Dad…" he yelled, his heart pounding wildly in anger and frustration. He wanted to get it all off his chest. He needed to purge the poison if he ever wanted to move on from it.

"For some God forsaken reason, you see so much good in Stefan and so much evil in me…_why_? Why don't you believe in me? I'm not a shitty parent! Stefan is a shitty parent. _You_ are a shitty parent! Why is everything I do wrong in your eyes?" His throat ached with heat and bitterness. "Why will you never love me?" He was panting now, crazed and angry. He hadn't really exploded on his father since he'd denied him the surgery, but somehow this felt worse.

Elena and Janie padded down the stairs softly but the men didn't see her. Chase was upstairs watching a sports channel and trying to drown out the yelling. They weren't as out of ear shot as they thought. Elena's eyes were dry, but not for long. They caught the tail end of Damon's question, but they'd be there for the full, heartbreaking answer and Elena would summon everything she had to help carry him away from it all.

Janie's eyes widened and she swallowed the cottony feeling in her mouth. She feared what was coming. Thirty years of secrets and lies were burning on the tip of her husband's tongue. She could see it in his eyes. He was going to say it.

"I'm a shitty parent?" Giuseppe laughed. "_I'm_ a shitty parent? Now that's funny," he shook his head slowly as he walked to the other side of the room and turned back to face him. Damon's teeth were tight, his jaw locked in absolute disgust and horror as his father continued, "You say I don't know what's going on in your life but really you're the clueless one, Damon," he swallowed. "I'm hardly a bad parent," he bit out. "I raised you for eighteen years, didn't I?"

"Yeah, that's not anything so special. You're my Dad. It was your job to raise me. And yeah, you fed me and clothed me and gave me a place to live, but that's about where it stopped. You never loved me. You never laughed with me or played with me. You never asked me how my day was or if I wanted to learn things about the business. You never taught me how to love or told me what it was to be in love with a woman. No wonder I'm fucked up. I had to figure it out myself and frankly, I chose to live the complete opposite way you were because it didn't seem to be working for you," his words were fire now. "Yeah, you provided for me, but you didn't raise me. Mom raised me….and I raised myself. I've spent my whole life thinking you hate me. How can you hate your own son? I just don't understand,"

"I don't. That's just it…" his lips twisted in a wry smile. "You're _not_ my son, Damon!" The words flew out like shrapnel, biting into the hearts of everyone in the room. "I only have one son…"

"What…." Elena breathed the word out painfully. Her chest ached.

Damon's heart pounded in his ears. Had he heard him correctly? The room tilted and he could hear nothing at first. Across the room he thought he saw Elena, but his father's words pushed through his haze, driving the point home. There was a _reason_ Giuseppe hated him. He wasn't his.

So whose son was he? He frowned, feeling more lost than he ever had before. The news was horrifying and refreshing at the same time. He didn't have time to sort out what it meant before his ears cleared and he could hear his father continue,

"I did more than I had to," he said angrily. "I gave you more than you were owed," Damon stepped back at his words when he saw tears in his father's eyes. His father didn't cry…ever. These were tears of anger, certainly, and of bitterness. Giuseppe continued,

"When your mother told me she was pregnant with you, I couldn't see how. I'd been gone for two months on business and there was no way…" his face was red and strained. "But the doctor confirmed it. She was six weeks pregnant," he swallowed. "She cheated on me, Damon. And it didn't take long for me to figure out with whom…" he paused and Damon frowned, afraid to speak. "You should ask your mother to tell you _her_ own little love story someday. A woman torn between two brothers...chooses one to marry and spends years trying to have a son. Then she goes off and fucks the other one years later and gets pregnant right away…" he shook his head. "My Janie…"

Thoughts of his parents' hollow relationship played through his memory. It made sense. Giuseppe was bitter, and maybe rightfully so…but then why did they stay married? There were so many questions to ask, but it wasn't the right time. The news was out. He'd been lied to for thirty years. Giuseppe Salvatore may have raised him, but he wasn't his father…he was his uncle. Stefan was a half-brother and Chase…well, were they even related anymore?

"So maybe I am a bad father. Maybe I ignored you, but it was only because you made me sick," he admitted. "The fact that my wife was cheating on me wasn't real until you came along. You're proof of her infidelity, and that's something _no_ one could know. I held it in for years, just to save my name!" He swallowed. "When I look at you, it reminds me that I failed as a husband. It reminds me I wasn't enough for her. You're nothing but bad memories to me….and now you know why," he finished his spiel and downed his glass of gin. Damon stared at him for a moment, nostril flaring and eyes spilling pent up tears. His breathing was jagged and short. Not only had his father lied to him for thirty years, but his mother had, too.

And the ground came up from beneath him in an instant. Everything came to a head. Elena and the fight…the look on her face as Giuseppe broke her heart at the kitchen table. Everything was spinning, flashing before him. He saw Elena in the bathroom. His father…or uncle…or whatever the hell Giuseppe was finally explaining _why_ he hated him…. The images blended and mixed, eating away at him. It started hours ago; everything built up from that little stupid fight. His heart ached until he could barely breathe.

The room was tilting, shaking when he saw her big brown eyes from across the room. The world was in slow motion; she was running toward him, he thought, and he swore he felt her warm arms wrap around him and heard her scream his name just before he slipped into the darkness.

* * *

**A/N: Big emotions all over the place again. Love to hear thoughts. We'll learn more about Janie's story, a look into what really happened 30 years ago. We've got Chase still plotting, but I think he's quickly seeing just how badly he's starting to hurt them all now. And Damon and Elena...sort of on the outs right now, about a lot of things. If I'd be her I'd be floored by that news, too. **

**Please share your thoughts. I'd love to hear them. Find me on twitter: newsgirl1983**


	15. Hide and Seek

**A/N: This is going to be another heavy chapter, of course. It has to be after what was revealed over the course of the last one. There's a lot of interaction between all characters, and I've incorporated flashbacks to give some more insight into the past. **

**I've chosen Imogen Heap's "Hide and Seek" for this one. It's truly melancholy tone is so close to Damon's current feelings.**

**Thank you all so much for reading and for the great reviews. This is a big chapter so I'm really looking forward to hearing what you think. You'll see what I mean at the end.**

* * *

**All At Once**

**Chapter 14: Hide and Seek**

"Dad! Hey Dad, check it out! Did you see how far I threw that ball?" Five-year- old Damon squinted in the sun so he could stare at his father on the patio. Giuseppe was buried in a stack of paperwork, sipping something strong from a flask.

"Want to play with me? I'm really good now. Stefan's been showing me some stuff…" he walked over to Giuseppe slowly. He'd always been nervous to ask his dad anything, but he was proud of what he'd learned and he prayed it would be different this time. It had to be one day, right?

Giuseppe's brow furrowed and he stared back down and scribbled something on his notebook page. Damon tried asking again, hating how he was so easily ignored.

"Watch…I'll show you how hard I can throw. It's cool, see…" he wound up his arm, ready to throw the baseball again, but his hand dropped quickly when Giuseppe didn't bother to look up. "Dad…"

"Oh for God's sake, Damon. I know! You can throw a ball. Congratulations," he said sarcastically. "You _should _be able to after all that money I spent on that little team of yours…" he growled. "Stop interrupting my work. I'm very busy…"

"Maybe tomorrow?" He asked sadly.

"No, I'm busy tomorrow, too…" he sipped his flask and concentrated on his work again.

"Yeah okay," he swallowed and his heart sank as he walked back toward a frowning, 9-year-old Stefan. "He doesn't care," he held back tears. He hated crying in front of his brother.

"He's just crabby because he has a lot of work," Stefan tried to reassure him, but it didn't work. They both knew the truth. Stefan was the favorite and he wasn't proud of it back then. He did anything he could to raise his little brother's spirits, but it could only work for so long before another damaging blow would strike. "Here…I have something for you," he smiled, pulling the Angels' cap off his own head and setting it on Damon's dark hair. Damon laughed and took it off to adjust it to his size and replaced it quickly smiling. "Now you're a real Angels' fan, just like me. Take care of that thing, got it?"

"Cool. Why'd you give me this?" he beamed.

"Because we're brothers and you're my buddy," he slapped him on the back. "We look out for each other, right? No matter what, we'll always stick up for each other. Even against him…" he nodded toward Giuseppe. "You're my best friend, Damon. We'll always be best friends…"

"Always?" Damon repeated hopefully.

"Always…"

* * *

_Always…Always… _

The words echoed in his mind as the world came into focus. He'd been in another time just then…a time when he could depend on his brother. Back then they were _for_ the same team, on the same team. That was before Stefan threw him through a window and changed his life forever. It was no wonder he'd become a Dodgers fan…

He breathed slowly as he started to separate his memories from the present.

His eyes _felt_ dry, but his cheeks were damp. _Had he been crying?_ He blinked a few times as people and things around him fell into place. He saw Giuseppe, cold and hard across the room, swigging gin out of the bottle….his mother, a broken mess, sobbing on her knees in front of him on the cold floor. For a moment, he couldn't remember why he was on the ground. He felt sore and sad and empty, but mostly confused. Then it hit him.

Panic set in the minute he realized who he didn't see. _Elena_. Where was she? Had she left? Had it been too much? _Oh God_. Was she still upset about their fight? She said she wouldn't run away. She said she wouldn't leave him...

"Elena…where's Elena…" he spoke slowly, testing the words. His shirt was bunched up and his skin on the small of his back was pressed against the cold floor. He felt it now, among other things, as his senses came back slowly. _Time_ came back slowly; he had no concept of when he'd fallen or how, but the reasons were forcing themselves back into his mind.

His back was cold, his feet were freezing but the rest of him was warm, leaning against something soft and toasty. And then he felt them, her hands wrapped tightly around his torso. The back of his head was on her heart, and her hair cascaded down and around him, tickling his neck. Without much thought, he looked up, backwards to meet her teary eyes. Her cheeks were wet, too. He swallowed, relieved by the feel of her. She hadn't said a word, but her arms squeezed him tighter and he felt her lips press into the top of his head. His brain buzzed with terror and confusion as he remembered the wall that had suddenly thrown itself up between them earlier.

"I'm here," her voice was cracked and raw from silent sobs that stretched and pulled at her throat. He'd only been unconscious for two minutes, but the world turned a little slower for those 120 seconds; he'd felt so far away. "God, you scared me…" she wiped a tear, "Are you okay?"

"I guess so," he swallowed. "I remember feeling completely numb. I remember seeing you across the room, fading away as I started to go…" his eyebrows met in a worried dip above his nose. He scooted forward, needing air. Afraid to stand, he pressed his hands flatly on the ground behind him and stretched out his legs. His throat tightened as his eyes fell on his mother. She'd stood, and her hand was shaking as she tried to fill a tumbler with water from the tap at the bar.

Elena sighed, walking behind her slowly, ignoring Giuseppe next to them.

"I've got it, Mrs. Salvatore. I'll take care of him…" Elena's words came out flat as she took the glass from her and turned off the faucet. She was sick about everything; she couldn't begin to imagine how Damon felt. Happy? Relieved? Betrayed…maybe a little bit of each and more.

"Of course, dear…but call me Janie," her voice shook. She wanted so badly to get along with the woman who her son had just admitted he loved, but she was still so completely shamed by the reveal. The desperation in her voice was evident, but Elena stayed silent; she had nothing good to say to a woman who'd just broken Damon's heart.

"Please, I'm sorry…" Janie reached out to touch Elena's shoulder, but she shook her head bitterly and stepped back. She didn't intend to be rude, but she wasn't going to pretend everything was fine either. The facts were simple; Damon's parents lied to him his entire life. Giuseppe had made him feel as if everything bad was his fault, and from what Elena could tell, Janie had given but pieces of herself to Damon…just enough to get him by. Her pedestal had broken; she was just another tragedy, now.

Had anyone _ever_ loved him the way he deserved? Her words came back to her in a flash '_Maybe I said them too soon…' _Her stomach dropped as she realized just how hollow he looked sitting there on the ground. She'd felt that way once upon a time…lost and broken. But at least her parents had always been there for her. He ached in ways she'd never understand.

"Don't apologize to me," she said plainly again, unable to conjure up emotion. "Apologize to your son," she walked back over to him with the glass of water sat down next to him as he drank. Janie found herself in front of him, the discomfort evident in her face. For a moment he relaxed at Elena's touch as she smoothed her hand up and down on his back. They were only half-mended from before, he knew, but he still found peace with her by his side.

"I _am_ sorry, Damon…" Janie started. Below Elena's hands, Damon's back tensed. Then she saw it…the change in his eyes, the shift from absolute hollowness to anger. He was struggling, she knew, to reign in his temper, but his arms shot out moments later and he moved away from Elena a little too quickly. He stood for the first time since he'd woken, as the information finally started to process.

"You're sorry? Sorry doesn't cut it this time, Mom," he raised his voice. "How could you _do_ this to me? You let me believe, for thirty years, that a man who treated me like shit was my father! You watched me cry as a little boy, suffer through dinners…you let _him_," he pointed wildly to the bar, "disrespect me, treat me like a piece of garbage, and he wasn't even my father! How _could_ you?"

"I was going to tell you…I didn't know how or when, but I wouldn't have kept it from you forever. You've been pulling away from this family for so long. I thought you'd never talk to me again…"

"That's selfish and I don't believe you," he bit out. "If you haven't told me by now, you weren't ever going to tell me. I would've died thinking my own father didn't love me because of something _I_ did. You don't understand," he walked forward "I am how I _am_ because of all of this. I spent years trying to prove myself, trying to make him love me or want me. I thought I wasn't good enough. I hated myself, every day for nothing…for him…a man who is nothing to me,"

"He's still your father," Janie said sadly. "He raised you,"

"Maybe so, if you look at it like that. But if that's your defense, it sucks," he spat and Elena couldn't help but sense a bit of pride float through her. It showed in the form of a soft smile, as inappropriate as it may have been. "If you're trying to justify his control over me for eighteen plus years you may as well stop. If things were different, I'd just be shocked right now. But I trusted you and I leaned on you, thinking you'd always do what was right for me and after all these years, I come to find out I was wrong. Forget him, Mom…he's a stupid old man with stupid expectations and standards that no one will ever live up to, but he's not the only reason I'm angry and hurt right now. You disappointed me…" Elena could hear it in his voice. He was a seesaw, teetering from anger to devastation a little too easily. "You picked him over me…"

"I'm sorry. I'm hurting, too…" his mother said, but her words only set him off more.

"At least you've known this whole time. You're hurting because of your decision. You stuck with him, contributed to the lies! I'm hurting because I'm just now learning that I really am alone…_no_ one loves me enough to just be honest with me…" he bit out and Elena gulped. She feared he'd gotten her all wrong before; he wasn't alone, hadn't she told him that? And it was starting again…the little bouts of panic and self-doubt that rose to the surface. He made her strong, but oh how he made her weak. But she fought it; reminding herself that _she_ wasn't the victim this time.

It was Damon who needed her, and no matter where he thought they stood, she'd remind him. He wasn't alone at all. His anger was evident; he was tense and breathing heavy when he turned to her. Without thinking, her hand wrapped around his clenched fist, as she tried force her strength into him, too. He wanted to be brave, but she knew better from the look in the look in his eyes. She saw doubt.

Her thumb graved over the back of his; her fingers itched to remind him of who _they_ really were. It hadn't been defined, not really. It couldn't, not when it had been so easy to put that distance between them earlier in the day. He questioned her honesty and it was easy to understand why. She'd taken back those most important words just hours before. She was still pulling up anchor when things got tough, but he was the one sinking now and her heart was going right down with him.

It only got worse. It got too relatable, too familiar when he turned from her back to his mother and continued his breakdown.

"Imagine it, Mom! Do you know what it's like for a little boy to grown up thinking his father doesn't love him?" Elena felt his hand twitch and grip inside of hers. "Put yourself in my shoes, for just one minute…I got my hopes up the few times he actually paid positive attention to me, only to be crushed harder when he never did it again!" His face was red and tight.

Elena's mouth went dry and the open wounds of yesteryear were blistering and aching all over again. _Cade_. Her baby boy practically never knew his father. And now Damon, her Damon was suffering through it, too. He was a grown man who just learned he'd only been raised by Giuseppe because he was afraid of a ruined reputation. Age didn't matter when it came to that. The similarity hurt.

"And as bad as he made me feel, this hurts worse,," his eyes locked with Janie's as he motioned between them. Elena felt her own tears rising to the surface for him. "You're the one person in this family who I thought would never disappoint me. I got over the surgery thing. I didn't want to come between you and him because I didn't want to hurt _you. _I didn't give a damn if he hurt," and reality kicked in quickly as he realized how different life could've been had he known the truth. "But if I knew the truth, I would've begged you to let me have that surgery. I would've begged you for a lot of things…" he swallowed. "I was afraid of him…didn't you see that at all?"

"Yes…" she whispered, ashamed.

"And you watched me cry in my bedroom when I was little and he refused to pay attention to me? Then you saw me pull away, ignore everyone…and you left it alone. You left me alone, Mom," A million thoughts were pushing themselves out at the same time. The slews of things she'd done for him throughout the years were buried too far below the pain to surface now. All he saw was betrayal. All he heard were lies.

"Yes…" she nodded. There was no sense in lying anymore.

"So you knew you were wrong. You knew it was killing me! How _could_ you…" he yelled and Elena jumped the edge of his voice. A monster was born, but rightfully so. The air around her thinned and she knew where she was headed…straight to the panic zone.

"It didn't just go away when I moved out. Look what I've become…a man who doesn't know how to love right..." he frowned and his eyes flicked to Elena quickly before he looked back to his mother. "And now there's Elena," he swallowed. "I finally couldn't stop myself from falling in love and I've rushed it and fucked it all up now..."

"No…you didn't…" the sound shot from Elena's lips. This wasn't about them. They'd have plenty of time to work themselves out later. His eyes caught hers for a second, but they looked leery, as if he wasn't sure who she was. A part of her knew why; this mess had gotten him thinking about being alone. Not half an hour before she'd reminded him how just how unwilling she was to commit to anything serious with him.

She saw the anger twisting on his lips. This was a mess, but so were they. He was sheet white again; he looked weak and incapable of housing the sort of emotions that were spilling form his lips. He was a time bomb, she realized, but he deserved the right to explode. All the while she listened, processing every word he said. He felt unloved, alone, lost. But he had her…he knew that right? One little fight hadn't taken that away. He was ahead of her maybe…but she wasn't as far behind as she'd made it seem.

Kids and marriage were too much, but maybe she'd taken it a step too far when she'd reeled in those promising words. She _was_ falling in love with him; she'd just snapped in the heat of the moment, as she had so many times before. Regret didn't even begin to cover it.

And now he was broken in a place he absolutely hated. And there were strong undertows in his eyes, threatening to drown anyone who got in the way of what he needed to say.

Would he believe her when she said those words again? Had she set them back further than before, made his faith in her go away? Was she just another liar now, who wouldn't marry him, not even down the line, and wouldn't have his children?

They were simple truths she'd lived by for years, but now they felt sharp and selfish. Was she just as Giuseppe had said? Was she just a waste of time? In a way she felt so wrong for him, but she couldn't tear herself away. Maybe he deserved more than what she could give him, but she'd already lost the world once. If there was even a chance of real, raw happiness in her life ever again, it was with him.

She'd have given anything to pull him away, up the stairs, in the car…away from all of it. Protectiveness thudded into her quickly. Damon was hers, and they were hurting him. For the first time, she felt like she was supposed to be there, holding his hand as the world blew up in his face. They'd both been hurt so much; the last thing they needed was to hurt each other.

"I don't get it," he spat at his mother, the words razor sharp. "I don't understand _either_ of you. You've been living a lie. I've been living a lie…I'm someone else's kid…I don't even know who I am…" but as he trailed off, Elena heard it; he was talking to himself toward the end.

"Of course you do," Janie reached out to him but he pulled away and she frowned. "You're the same man. Nothing's changed,"

"Am I?" He laughed, pulling his hand out of Elena's and running it through his hair. "It's so easy for you to say that now because there's no telling…but I'd be willing to bet that I would be different had I known. I could've had that surgery…I could be a major league player, away from_ all_ of you, this...living how I was meant to live alone and happy, on the road!" Elena's heart sank. It didn't feel so good to be run from. Did he wish he'd never met her, too? That wasn't what he'd said earlier….

"Or maybe I'd be a completely different person altogether. Maybe I'd be somebody's husband and somebody's father…a real father! Maybe I would've wanted all of that, like a normal person!" he yelled, not thinking of how it sounded to Elena. He was never one to think before he spoke. She knew that, but it didn't mean it didn't hurt. His words were heartbreaking for so many reasons. Everything he'd tried to convince her of earlier seemed insignificant now that he made his life sound so horrible. Was he truly okay with her wishes, or was he just settling?

Elena was moments away from losing her dinner all over again. He was angry, that was all. He didn't mean he didn't want her.

"But you stole that from me," he continued as his voice ripped through the room to the bar. "You made me hate it, all of it…you ruined my life…you made me this!"

"Oh, stop blaming everyone for what you are," Giuseppe growled back. "I didn't _make_ you fuck random women. I didn't tell you to never date anyone. You chose your life. If you hate it so much, it's your own fault. It's always poor Damon, poor little Damon. It's always someone else's fault, isn't it? You sure got the short end of the stick when it comes to the Salvatore genes…"

"What's that supposed to mean?" Damon yelled.

"It means you're just like him," he shook his head. "Weak, emotionally unstable…oh, I tried to will it out of you but it just didn't happen. _My_ son never cried the way you did, never complained about anything. But your father picked up and ran when he didn't win…isn't that right, dear? He couldn't take it…" He looked to his wife. He was still bitter, of course, but he didn't often bring it up, but he was drunk now, and the bitterness that had grown in him throughout the years leaked slowly from his lips. She was on the frontlines, suddenly, and there was no way she was getting out in one piece.

"That's enough!" Janie shouted.

"He didn't have to complain! He walks on fucking water, doesn't he? Even now…even after everything he's done. But I get it now…your reputation, your only son…" The words flew out nastily; Elena felt their harshness vibrate through her from across the room. "And maybe I'm a mess right now, but I'd much rather be like a man I don't even know than _you _or Stefan,"

"You're ungrateful," Giuseppe laughed angrily, sipping his gin again before he fired more words at Damon. "I took care of you when I didn't have to. I could've thrown you both out on the street…" he spat. "But I didn't…"

"Oh don't act like you were doing us a favor," Damon bit out and he turned to his mother briefly. "

"But you, Mom...how could you stay with him?" he cringed.

"I had to," she swallowed. "I had to…" but her words were nothing to him, then. He couldn't read the sadness. He couldn't remember the type of family she'd come from. He couldn't remember she was jobless and couldn't support them on her own so easily.

He just heard excuses.

"You could've taken me away from all of it…why didn't you? Why didn't we go to live with my Dad, if that's who you wanted? I'm angry with you for that and for not telling me, but it seems to me we've both dealt with a lot of unnecessary bullshit because of him,"

"Of course, yes. It's unnecessary bullshit! The college education I paid for, the cars...yes, you sure had it hard. I didn't let you rot on the _street_, but you don't see that." Giuseppe laughed. "Your _mother_ cheated, and I'm the bad guy. Your _mother_ lied to you, too, but I'm the bad guy. Well that's okay. I'm used to being the bad guy. It doesn't change my opinion. You're thirty years old but it doesn't mean you have the right to be ungrateful to me for what I've done for you. You're a grown man. Get _over_ it…"

"Where is he? Who is my father?" Damon's eyes blazed. Everything his father had just said, every jab he took at him just faded into the distance. "You said it was your brother. What brother?" He swallowed. He needed the truth, of course, if only a name.

"Jackson," Janie breathed through a broken voice._ Jackson Salvatore_. It was a name he'd never heard before. It was no wonder why, now. There was much pain in her voice and in all of their eyes, but Elena saw something deeper in Janie's. He hadn't been a mistake, not in her eyes. He hadn't been a random fling that she regretted. She knew that look well because she often saw it in the mirror. It was the look of complete devastation.

The memories flooded back quickly now, to the day her life changed forever. But it would stay in her mind that day. She wasn't strong enough to say the words out loud.

* * *

"You can't just leave!" Janie's voice broke. She was 26 and deliriously in love.

"I have to," The dark haired man said, "This is the way it has to be…." Her tears soaked into fingers as he stroked her cheek gently. He stomach was in knots, too. "We can't, not anymore…" His eyes were brown spun with the tiniest flecks of gold.

"Then we won't. I'll tell him!" Her heart pounded desperately. "I will…just don't go, please. I know it's not fair. I know we can't do this anymore, but I need you!"

"Not more than him," his eyes flashed down to her ring finger and the life drained from his eyes.

"Not more, but not less, Jack," her fingers dug into his shirt sleeves. "I can't lose you,"

"If you tell him about us, you'll lose _him_…so which is it?" He tilted his head and her heart melted. "You can't have both of us anymore, especially when one doesn't even know," guilt found its resting place in his stomach. He was being the brave one and doing what he knew she'd never do; walking away. If

"You've picked, Janie, and it wasn't me," he reminded her. "I get it," he smiled sadly, "So let me bow out with some dignity before it's too late…"

"We aren't doing anything wrong!"

"We aren't?" A guilty look crossed his face. "I tried to stick around. He proposed, you said yes. I tried to accept it and back off but you keep looking at me like that and calling me…and then you kissed me, with that ring on your finger! My brother's ring, Janie…" his voice broke. "It's not right and it's not fair to anyone. Why are you doing this? Do you regret it, saying yes?"

"No…I don't know. I love him," she admitted. "But I'm young and maybe I said yes too soon. He and I are the same age…we fell together easily…" she sighed. "And you just stormed in from college one day and turned everything upside down. I know it's not fair for me to ask you to stay, but I'm going to anyway, just one more time. It's not that I don't love you. You know I love you,"

"It doesn't matter if you do," he swallowed. "I can't do this," he said through jagged breaths. "And unless you can look me in the eye right now and tell me that you've change your mind and aren't going to marry him, I'm going away," he explained slowly. But as she met him with glassy eyes and a shaky lower lip he knew. He exhaled slowly.

"Have a nice life with my brother, Janie. This leaving stuff is just for now, okay?"

"You're going to Europe. I can't just come see you whenever I need you,"

"That's kind of the point," he smiled sadly. "You'll learn not to need me anymore. One day this won't hurt so much. I won't be gone forever…."

* * *

Janie's heart plummeted as memories of her true love consumed her mind. He had been her true love; she'd settled for less. Jackson had gone away and despite her doubts about her engagement she rushed off and married Giuseppe two months later out of guilt and lonliness. She'd never come out and actually said she was in love with Jackson, but he wasn't stupid. He saw the way Janie acted around his little brother. She could deny it until she was blue in the face but he'd never truly believe they'd only just been friends.

She tried to shake him. She tried for years to have a child with Giuseppe, thinking it would fix the kinks in their fragile relationship. But Stefan was born and it _didn't_ go away. And just as he'd said, Jackson Salvatore wouldn't be gone forever. He found his way back into her life when she was 36, and her blue eyes had been too much. It was _then_ she knew, after 11 years away from him, that she had indeed chosen the wrong brother.

Her blue eyed son was all she had left of him now. There weren't words to explain just how much her affair _didn't_ feel like a mistake…

* * *

Damon's heart stopped, and Elena's followed not a second later. "Jackson," the word played on his lips for the first time. "Well…where is he?" His heart picked up again slowly as the blood rushed to his head. This was the single most important moment he remembered in his life, but he could barely focus.

"He's dead…heart attack." Giuseppe said harshly from across the room again and Damon felt his knees going again. "You want a dad? I'm all you've got…all you'll ever know…"

"No…" Elena heard the sound struggle out of Damon's lips. It sounded like his last breath.

He wasn't weak. He wasn't one to just cave in, despite what Giuseppe thought. But the blackness threatened to come again as he realized he'd never get a chance to know the man who might've changed his life.

"Don't!" Janie yelled. "Don't rub it in! This isn't his fault. It's _mine_! I regret it! I chose _wrong_…I regret choosing you…" she said to him for the first time in her life. It'd bring trouble for her, no doubt. But she was on a sinking ship anyway, now that her true cornerstone had broken apart. It really had all been for nothing….

"Karma's a bitch, Janie," he yelled. "You wanted someone else and you got him, didn't you?" He smiled bitterly. "Oh you and your precious Jack had your fun…" he looked at Damon angrily, "Don't think I didn't see those divorce papers in your drawer…" his lips turned upward bitterly. "Hm, but your happy little family didn't happen, did it? Because Daddy _died_ before that little bastard was born…And like I do, I have to always pick up after everyone else's messes, so I did…"

"Oh my _God_…" Elena's lungs deflated with her words as she saw Damon's anger turning into something more catastrophic. His eyes were all sorrow and lost, lonely boy again. It was too much; that man was far too cruel and he'd spent far too many years torturing Damon. Maybe no one else put _him_ above everything and every_one_ else, but she would. She would now.

No matter what she said or didn't say…no matter what words she _took back_ just a few hours ago…he was hers and his _pain_ was hers; the shooting pains in her stomach told her so.

The tiny stars were floating before him quickly and the world was falling silent when he watched Elena step up to Giuseppe. There was a new fight in her eyes that he'd never seen before.

"You're the ungrateful one," Elena snapped. She was a foot away from Giuseppe's stool and he stood, laughing. "You say all these things about what it is to be a man, what a _real_ Salvatore does or doesn't do…but you're the coward. You think you did the honorable thing by taking care of him, but then you stopped halfway through! You gave him just enough to hurt. If that was your way of 'caring' about him, they would've been better off alone! He didn't _need_ a father to be okay. Trust me, I _know_..," her voice cracked and Damon heard that same 11 year fire flaring in her. "A _real_ man would love the child and treat him equally. A real man would just see a little boy, not a mistake his wife made…"

"What's this?" He laughed. "Now you have your little plaything fighting your battles," his scoffing look slid to Damon, who was slowly unraveling. "This is ridiculous. Come on Damon, be a man for once,"

"What'd you call her?" His voice broke through the shouting, and his fists clenched tightly, ready to throw down so many punches he'd held in for years. Giuseppe's gaze went from Elena to Damon and he waggled his eyebrows. Elena's stomach dropped at the realization. That normally sexy expression was so sickening now… "You can't find any other way to hurt me so you start digging into her? You're right. That does hurt because she doesn't deserve it and it's not true. It just hurts a little less because I know you don't matter anymore…"

"Wow. I don't matter…" he sipped his gin. "I sure seem to, or you would've left by now,"

"Shut up," Damon couldn't manage anything better, but he couldn't stay silent and let his father start to rip into Elena, too. It was coming, he knew. His father didn't leave things alone once he started.

"I am hardly a plaything," she cut in, backing up a few sentences. She couldn't let that go unaddressed, even if he _didn't _matter. But uncertainty wadded in her brown eyes as she realized she was mostly to blame for the confusion her relationship with Damon.

"Let me tell you something, honey," Giuseppe's hand grazed Elena's arm and she cringed at his cold fingers, "He may have _said_ those things to my wife about wanting to keep you and wanting kids with you, but you're about number 25 on Damon's fuck-list just this year. You'll be another regret soon enough, so don't bother to involve yourself in this family…"

"Move back, Elena…" Damon tried to walk forward to move her out of the way, but Elena held her hand out against his chest, wanting to speak for herself. Damon was all fists and fury, she knew. He was moments away from a complete meltdown. And she wasn't sure if anyone _else_ remembered, but Chase _was_ still upstairs and the volume in the house had quickly reached a very audible level. The kid had been through enough as it stood.

"I don't care about it," she shook her head. "I know what he did. Hell, I _was_ a number. I know firsthand, okay? It's no secret. He's never _lied_ to me about who he was…and yeah, we have things to talk about and work out, but that doesn't mean I'm going to believe what you say," she spat. "I don't care what he did before me. That isn't going to push me away from him, so you can stop your stupid little games and stay out of _our _business," her hand gestured between she and Damon but her eyes stayed locked on the old man before her.

"Trouble in paradise on your own, I see. Not surprised," his eyes blazed mockingly. "You got awfully upset before. Something was definitely not right at dinner when I mentioned children," he reminded her. "My wife's an excellent cook. I know it wasn't the meat that did you in, dear…so tell me, are you lying? _Are_ you pregnant?"

"No!" She cried in disbelief. It was quite possibly the most hurtful question anyone could ask her and that was twice in an hour.

"You can be honest really…I mean there's got to be _some_ reason why he's kept you around so long…" his cheeks were red; he was good at hitting below the belt, even when he didn't know it.

"Move, Elena…now…" Damon warned, his voice growing heavier.

"Leave her alone! "Just stop, Giuseppe,"" Janie cried, walking over to them, but Elena's head was high and her mouth was a rocket launcher. She wasn't about to be stepped on.

"No, really, this is interesting," he smirked. "Damon's over there afraid to push his little woman out of the way so he can fight his own battles. And here's little Elena, trying to tell me how to parent, how to be a man…oh, this is funny. You're how old, twenty-something, thirty-something? Yet I don't see children…you don't want children…is it because you can't have them, Elena? Have I hit a sensitive spot?" She fell back at his words, stunned and completely heartbroken.

"You piece of shit!" Damon's hand was pressed tightly against Giuseppe's throat in an instant, holding him against a wall. "Haven't you ruined my life enough? Now this…now you're messing with the only person who…" his throat was hot and he realized he didn't know how to finish that sentence. He stepped in the gap and wrapped his hands around the old man's shoulders, pushing him into a wall. "Don't you say another word to her…"

He slammed Giuseppe back roughly and the man struggled beneath his grip. "Doesn't feel good, does it? Feeling out of control…"

"Damon, stop it. Both of you," Janie cried, trying to pry her son away from the old man. "Don't,"

That had been enough shouting. Chase reached the bottom step and stood silently, eyes filled with tears and completely horrified at the scene before him. He listened quietly, not making his presence known.

"You haven't cared about my life in thirty years, so don't start now! You don't care about my relationship. You don't care if I get what I want or if I have kids. You're just saying it because you're desperate to find a way to hurt me again," The words were acid, burning into the man's ears, "Well I'm fucking done with it. I'm done hurting for nothing. You're not my father, and even if you were, I wouldn't care. Don't pretend to know what's best for me. I know what's best for me…" Giuseppe's face was twisted in pain. "I know what's best for Chase. It's not Stefan and it sure as hell isn't Caroline. It's me and it's _her_. We love him…" he tipped his head toward Elena. His words came out through gritted teeth. They would've been beautiful if they hadn't been to prove a point.

"Stop it, stop it…"Elena begged. "Please…please don't… it isn't worth it. He isn't worth any of it and you know that…" Tears found her eyes again, so easily. Damon was wild and violent and terrifying, but all she wanted to do was pull him in her arms and beg him to forgive her for any doubt she may have planted in his mind. She craved the black and white; all this gray made things so complicated.

"You think you're winning here, _Dad_?" he mocked. "Let me tell you something…I am _done_ with you, forever. Stay out of my life. Stay away from Chase. Stay away from Elena. Stay away from my family…"

"Family," he gasped for air and Damon loosened a little to hear the comment. "Yes, your fake little family…a woman who doesn't love you enough and a boy who'll be happy to go back to his father when he can…" he shook his head as Damon's grip tightened.

"They are more of a family than you ever were. We have our problems but that's just it. They are _our _problems…and unlike you, I'm not afraid to admit when something's wrong. You think I don't know what I have? You think I don't know what I could lose?" he swallowed, looking back at Elena desperately quickly before he met his father's terrified eyes. "But if I lose it it'll be because of _me_, not because of something stupid you said," he shook his head. "I am done with you…_both_ of you right now…" his eyes went to mother and he closed them in disappointment.

"Okay, that's enough now. Let's go home…" Elena swallowed down the ache in her throat. He was brave and bold but in scary ways. If she let herself block out the actual facts, she would've said it was damn near sexy the way he'd defended her…but this was a sick, sad situation and that really took away from the meaning.

"_I hate you_, do you hear me?" He shook Giuseppe harder, "I hate you. And I hope my mother wakes up and realizes what you've done…I hope she realizes that you weren't doing her any favors by keeping us around. I hope she's serious about regretting everything with you because it's about time you know what this feels like." he spat, slamming him against the wall again. "I hope she leaves you and you die alone so you really understand what it feels like to have no one…"

Chase swallowed as tears rolled down his cheeks. He'd seen a lot of things in his life, but this hurt in a different way because he knew he'd caused it. He'd started all of it with one stupid comment that morning, and he could never take it back.

Chase's eyes flooded again as he watched Elena pull Damon's arms back roughly, tugging him with everything she had. He released the grip on the man slowly, stumbling along with her as he stared back at the old mossy eyes. He'd lost it, he knew. He was a mess and a half and his father had the hand prints and marks to prove it. He hated violence, but it had been the only feasible way to truly vent what he felt. He was happy to put his father in place, but grateful Elena had stopped him before he'd really hurt the man. Chase didn't need two dad's in prison.

"We're _going_, Chase…" Elena said seriously, pulling a loose Damon behind her. Chase watched his grandmother cry and his grandfather touch his bruised neck as he poured himself another glass of gin. "Come on, we're going…" Elena called from the top of the stairs.

"Oh, Chase…" Giuseppe called. "You can stay, my boy…what you saw just now…that's a little indication of what your uncle's _really_ like…"

"I don't think so," Chase managed. He'd heard everything. He'd never felt worse about the plan he'd tried to implement. Damon and Elena were visibly in pieces upstairs and it was partially due to him. Things were rougher than before. They were fighting. Elena was always crying….he couldn't hurt them anymore. He had to stop, right then and there, to save them.

"Come on, we haven't even had cake yet. It's red velvet. You love that, don't you?" Giuseppe smiled. Of course he'd try to get Chase to stay. He needed more ammo to fire at Damon; he couldn't just let him have the last laugh and walk away.

Janie had wandered to the staircase, her brain completely fried. She gazed up at them, Damon and Elena calling for Chase to follow them home. It was so surreal. The truth had come out in the worst way. She'd never had the courage to tell him because _he'd_ never had the courage to hear it. But now Elena was by his side and his shoulders were a little straighter because of it. He was a little stronger when she was by his side. It both hurt Janie and made her proud. Elena was the one making him happy when _she'd_ torn him to shreds.

"Damon, I'm sorry…please, honey…I want to tell you. I need to tell you about your Dad. The real story…the full story of the man you would've loved…"

"I can't, Mom," he pled. "Not today…I can't take anymore today…"

"You and me...we'll talk, okay? Just us," her eyes shifted to Elena nervously, suggesting she needed alone time with her son. "You'll feel better, really,"

"I think it's just best if we go right now, Mrs. Salvatore," Elena cleared her throat. "Don't do this to him anymore. Give him time to think…" she frowned.

"Damon, I'm your _mother_, surely you'll listen to what I have to say. Elena and Chase will be there when you get back, I'm sure. You wouldn't deny me this. This is our life. We need to do this, remember him…" and for the first time she felt jealousy rising in her stomach at the way he looked at Elena.

His cheeks were red again, and his eyes void of all emotion. He longed for something, anything to just feel right again. Everything was broken. His father wasn't his father. His father was dead. His mother had lied to him and herself for years. He'd forgive her, certainly, but not right away.

Chase seemed to be sabotaging what little happiness they did have… and Elena…

His entire body just ached about Elena. There she was, defending his honor when hours before she and Damon had been yelling at each other. It didn't make sense. She was sweet and determined and a little rough around the edges. She was reluctant with him at times, but when anyone else dared to mess with them, she'd didn't stand idly by.

His heart collapsed for so many reasons, especially now that he'd _done_ it. He'd gone ahead and labeled it. It was love. He loved her. It was in-your-face-and-everyone-else's-make-you-want-to-puke love and she'd all but said he was alone with it. There was a chance _that_ thought hurt more than anything his 'father' had ever said. But true, uninterrupted happiness seemed light years away.

He swore she wouldn't act that way if she didn't love him. She was a runner, he knew. She was fire and ice and he'd really let her burn him that day. Her indecisiveness was too much to handle; frankly, he hated it. They'd been just sex, they'd been nothing, they'd been friends, they'd been 'in a relationship' and now they were hanging in some god awful purgatory between 'I want you forever' and 'holy shit, slow down' and he was certain he was about to wither away before they figured out what they really were to each other.

He saw it…clear disappointment in her eyes. His brain was too tired to really comprehend what had happened, but he did know one thing. He'd pushed things too far in front of her. It was no way to act. She'd had that scared, foreign look about her as he'd slammed the man against the wall and he'd probably set them back even further. Violence was no way to prove he was the one for her. He swallowed. Why was it so hard? Why couldn't they just be happy?

He looked down at her hand and realized she was holding his as she had before. His fists were sore and achy from the pounding he'd just done to his father, but her fingers were sliding back and forth comfortingly in the gaps between his swollen fingers. He caught her for a moment, and everyone else fell away. His eyebrows dipped in a small apology and she brought his fist up to kiss his knuckles. Her feet were cemented, he realized, right next to his.

_What did she want_? He wondered. Sometimes she looked so certain and other times he saw nothing but pain. He owned her pain that day, he realized. They had so many things to talk about, starting with what he'd said to Janie about kids. Their quick bathroom conversation hadn't truly eased either one of their minds. He'd told them the truth. The thought had crossed his mind and it hadn't left. She wanted what she wanted for obvious reasons and he respected that, but it didn't mean his thoughts about a distant future with her were going to fade away. He wouldn't pursue it; he hadn't lied when he said he just wanted her. It was just a damn shame that another man had ruined that part of her heart forever.

They both needed a time machine to zap them away to 15 years prior, together. He wanted to erase what Jace had done to her, erase the damage Stefan had done when he'd really gotten into drugs. He'd have learned to love a lot sooner if he'd have met her so long ago. But those were impossibilities and 'what ifs' again, as too many things were with them. There would come a day when he'd accept what life had given him, them, and he would learn to only look ahead…

But right now it was all too much. It didn't make sense; he didn't sense, and Elena sure as _hell_ didn't make sense. If this wasn't love and support radiating from her eyes and hands, what was it?

"Damon, did you hear me?" Janie repeated and he realized he'd zoned out. He looked from his mother to Elena and sighed.

He felt Elena release his hand at his mother's plea. She wanted him to go home with her, to choose _her_…but it was selfish, she knew, and slowly she was learning how very important it was that he got to make his own decisions in life.

He couldn't really admit it, but he was afraid of what alone time with Elena would do to them. There was a good chance she was just being sympathetic and easy on him that day. Maybe she was just helping him get through it and then she'd walk away. He couldn't truly believe anything running through his mind that day. It wasn't the right time to start analyzing what they meant to each other.

"Will you stay here, please? Will you give me a chance to apologize…" his mother's voice cut through him and he heaved a sigh.

"I think we should _go_, Damon…" Elena whispered through a broken heart. "We need to go…" She wasn't trying to win any battles or prove he cared about her more than his own mother. Honestly, Elena was deeply hurt by the tarnished relationship the mother and son now had. But he was angry and sad and needed to rest. He needed to get away from all of it. It wasn't about _choosing_ at all. He swallowed, his feet unmoving as Elena stepped back and away from the staircase.

"I'm not going to beg you," Elena told him softly. "I just want what's best for you. In my head that's leaving, but if you really want to stay…"

"No…" he swallowed, shaking his head and grabbing her hand. "No, let's go…" he said seriously. If his decision wasn't indication of his real, true feelings for her, he wasn't sure whatever would be. "I'm sorry, Mom…but I'm just not ready…" he managed.

Elena breathed slowly as she watched Chase walk up the stairs.

"Yeah, let's go…" he swallowed, all thoughts of evil plans aside. There was enough drama floating around as it was. He'd made his decision and when the time came, he'd go. He'd witnessed enough cruelty; that method was out of the question now.

"Damon…" Janie's voice broke as she watched him wrap his fingers in Elena's and start for the door. But he said nothing more to either of them and kept his sight on the car.

* * *

The warm, fresh air soaked into him when he stepped outside. He could breathe again. He fiddled in his pocket for his car keys but Elena quickly tried to snatch them away from his hand, but he curled his fingers around them just as fast.

"Look at me," she said seriously, a new, different edge in her voice. He pressed the unlock button and Chase slid into the backseat quietly, shutting the door behind him. Now that they were alone there was a whole new heaviness in the air. He met her gaze reluctantly. It should've felt amazing. They'd been a beautiful team inside, but it fell away too quickly. They had their own set of problems.

"Let me drive…" She suggested, but it was more of a demand than a request, he knew. He dropped the keys in her hand knowing full well he wasn't in his right mind.

She adjusted the seat and put the key into the ignition. He was staring straightforward and Chase's headphones were in place. She expected nothing different from either of them. There was some familiarity in even the hardest of moments.

"What can I do?" She asked, sliding her hand on his knee. She knew the answer; there was nothing she could do to make it better. But it had all started with her. She could fix what she broke in him. "I'll do anything…"

He remained silent, staring forward, unnerving her slowly. Her heart slammed in her chest as he all but confirmed how powerless she really was. It was dead silent. The radio was off and she heard only the beating of her heart in her ears.

Damon felt a surge of something rush through him and he quickly identified it as doubt. He loved her, he was certain about that, but he wasn't so sure she _really_ wanted him to. She'd seemed to be there for him when he needed her the most, but Giuseppe had cut her down, too. Maybe she was just defending herself. All her words about how nothing would come between them slipped from his memory a little too easily. He'd finally taken that step and given his heart to someone and there was a good possibility, when they got home, that she was going to hand it right back to him. Just because she'd stood up to Giuseppe didn't mean she was in the same place _he_ was. They'd have to talk eventually, but he wasn't sure he was ready for more heartbreak that day.

"Let me take care of you…" she begged. "I want to. I need to…please," but he said nothing. "Damn it, say something," she cried.

"I don't think so, Lena," he swallowed. "I think Chase and I just need to go home by ourselves tonight. I want to be alone. I'll be fine to drive when we get to your place," They'd been so good together moments ago and now _he_ was pulling away? She felt herself sinking. He'd never really shut her out aside from not calling her back so many months ago. But this was harder than that, much harder now.

"What?" Her voice broke in shock. "You don't want me to come home with you? But you left with me. I thought we were good…I mean I know we have our problems, but didn't you feel it in there? Didn't you feel what was between us when we stood up to them together? That was amazing…"

"Yes! That's why I can't do this with you right now," he swallowed. "I just need to be alone tonight. It's not your fault. You made it clear what you did and didn't want and I pushed it too far. This is my problem. This isn't about you…"

"Yes it is," she shook her head and her tears broke through. "Of course it's me…it's always me. I was the problem before we even left for your parents' house. I'm sorry. I'm sorry that I can't give you everything you want…" it was the wrong time to bring it up again but she was crazy and desperate. "When you said those things about people not loving you enough to be honest….you meant me, too, didn't you?"

"Lena, please. I'm begging you to stop right now. If you want to help me then _stop_…" he met her with wild eyes.

"But I have been honest. I told you I was messed up. I told you about my son, about Jace...what haven't I been honest about?"

"Just stop tonight. Stop apologizing!" He pled before revealing exactly what he'd thought she'd been dishonest about…her feelings. "Stop reminding me. I get it. You _don't _love me...frankly, I can't hear that tonight. Just stop before you say it because I honestly can't hear that from anyone else…especially not you," her heart split in two.

"No, Damon…" she cut in desperately but he stopped her too quickly.

"No. Its fine, Elena. I should be used to it by now, right? I never wanted it before, right? You warned me, right? But I didn't listen. I _don't_ listen…to anyone…" he said loudly. "And maybe I misread you, but you'll have to forgive me because as was confirmed earlier, I'm bad at love,"

"What are you saying?"

"Nothing…that's just it. Nothing's changed for me. I'm not leaving you. I'm not pushing you away, not really. I just want one night to think, away from you. Because right now when I look at you all I see is how much I wish you loved me back…"

"You've got it all wrong. I do. I do lo…" she wanted to break down but she was driving and she couldn't. If she said the words….if she said she loved him, she'd be a mess the second the words fell out of her mouth. But he'd keep her from finishing her sentence.

"Do me a favor…" his heart jumped into this throat. "Don't say that to me again…not until you can see a future with me. I don't want you to love me if you're going to bail out in a few months. I can't take that. I'd rather be the only one in love if it means you'll stay…"

"Ugh, Damon!" her hands clawed in her hair again; this was killing her, slowly That was a whole lot to ask, especially since they were fighting about that very topic in the first place. He didn't get to tell her what she could and couldn't feel. She had rules of her own. "We're not even listening to each other. We're just fighting again. I don't want to fight. Let me come home with you. Let me talk to you somewhere safer than this," she gestured to the car. "Let me stay the night with you…you shouldn't be alone. We can make this better. We can talk or not talk or lie in bed and cry all night. You're the one choosing to be alone with this. I want to be there for you…" but all the while she'd been driving to her place. She didn't want to upset him more, as much as she wanted to stay with him.

"No…" he repeated as she pulled in front of her house. "Not tonight, please,"

"You're running…"

"Not away from you," he swallowed. "Look, I'm just going to say it because I _do_ mean it," his face filled with heartbreak. "I love you. I _am_ in love with you and that scares the shit out of me, especially now knowing that you don't feel the same. Now my heart was ripped out of my chest by a man who should have no power over me and a mother who I thought I could depend on. I can't have you disappoint me, too. If you care about me, you'll just drop this for now. Don't make me ask again. I'm getting angry with you…"

It was wrong…all wrong, but she hadn't really sorted it out, either. They both needed time. She wanted to say. She'd never needed to say it more than in that moment, but she knew he was right. There was a chance he'd think she was caught up in the moment and just saying it out of pity. She'd taken them back once; she wasn't about to again.

"Okay," she pressed her lips together as the tears came harder and faster. "Goodnight, Damon," she motioned to get out of the car but he stopped her and pulled her back to him, kissing her fiercely through both of their tears.

"Thank you for today," he assured her. "I'm a mess now, but I'd be a lot worse off if you hadn't been there with me. I meant it…all of it. We will be okay…I promise," he exhaled as she nodded and closed the door behind her before she broke into an even bigger sea of tears.

Chase had heard it, all of it. He'd seen them fighting, crying, kissing but all he saw was himself, rooted in the middle of it all. They were distracted, he knew. They weren't paying attention to what he was doing. He'd pulled the envelope out of his pocket and carefully slid his finger inside to pull the letter out again. He'd found it earlier that day on the floor in the apartment.

He'd started reading it before, but Elena had come out to bring him into the Salvatore house.

His heart pounded as the letter began and when he'd reached the end he'd come to terms with it all. His mom was a drug addict and completely undependable but in a way that made life easy. He didn't have to worry about hurting her. He didn't have to worry about disappointing her because he wasn't the most important thing in her life.

And while it seemed Elena had lived and breathed for her lost, baby boy; Caroline lived and breathe each day just to get one more fix. It was easier to be around his mom and be ignored than it was to be a constant reminder to Elena of a little boy she'd never see again.

He loved both of them; Caroline and Elena, and everything had been simple at first. It was easier before he knew the truth, before he knew Elena loved him, before he'd started wishing Elena was his mother instead of Caroline. That realization changed everything because no matter what he did, he'd never stop hurting her. He'd been treated well and had fun. He'd felt like part of an actual family, but he knew it was all pretend. He knew what he had to do. He had to remind himself who he really was…a drug addict's son, a killer's boy…that kid everyone teased at school. He'd done enough damage. It was time to go home.

**A/N: I don't even know what to say. This chapter was emotionally draining to write, but I loved every torturous minute of it, naturally. Damon's got a lot going on. They all do, really. I am so interested to hear thought on the family drama, DE's current state and of course, Chase. **

**Thanks for reading.**


	16. Adored

**A/N: First off, I really wanted to update this sooner, but my work schedule has been super crazy this week. I know I left the last one with kind of an ominous vibe, so I am so happy to get this one to you now. There is one flashback in this one, and you'll find it toward the first half of the chapter. **

**I'm interested to hear your reactions on Damon and Elena's big conversation in this one, too. **

**I've chosen Collective Soul's "Adored" for this one. I really think it could apply to Elena's mood toward both Damon and Chase. **

**Thanks for reading. I'd love to hear what you think.**

* * *

**All At Once**

**Chapter 15: Adored**

"**Then she says,**

**Oh boy, oh boy**

**Count your lucky stars**

**Count what you've been wishing for****  
****Oh boy, oh boy****  
****Count the life you lead****  
****Count how you are now adored"**

**-Collective Soul**

* * *

"Hi," It was a single word, but it came out of her in a nervous whisper. She met his eyes cautiously; afraid of the hesitation she'd seen the last time they were together. It had been a week since they'd been in the same room. There was something in the way, she knew; but she didn't know how to fix it when he wouldn't let her love him the way he needed.

She stood in the doorframe like a guest who'd never been invited in his home, until his lips turned upward in that lopsided smile and she felt her chest relax a little, "So are you going to stay out there and eat or are you going to come in?" He smirked and she stepped gratefully through the door.

Damon was all about body language, she'd learned. He stood tall with crossed arms when he was cocky, but his hands were shoved in his pockets nervously now, and she knew he felt that unwanted tension, too. They were strangers for a moment, and it felt horrible.

He loved her, she knew. He'd stopped saying 'maybe' and shouting about possibilities; he'd just come right out and said it. He was going to love her even if she could _never_ love him back. It was beautiful, but it hurt. He'd been ripped to shreds just moments before he'd said those words, but he threw his heart at her knowing she could very well break it even more than she already had. He'd given her everything in a time when had nothing left to give.

What hurt the most was that she _would_ break it…just not in the way he probably thought. She'd made a mistake. Wasn't she allowed to make mistakes? She'd panicked and withdrawn, but hadn't she told him she had an issue with serious commitment? Wasn't that the problem to begin with?

She'd break his heart with lies of omission because _that's_ what he wanted. She loved him, but he couldn't handle hearing it.

She got it, but at the same time, she didn't. He was a deeply sensitive man who didn't know how to handle his emotions. He'd hidden hurt feelings for years, and she'd done a poor job making him see it didn't have to be that way anymore.

It was scary how she hadn't seen any of these things in him when they'd first met. He was supposed to be a cocky bastard who whom she'd feeling nothing for, but she was sure now that she'd never wanted anything to work out more than their relationship.

He hated liars, yet he was asking her to be one. She wasn't sure what it would be like now that he'd set those limits. Would he let her talk about her feelings at all, or was he supposed to just openly love her and expect her to keep her mouth shut? Just who did he think he was to tell her she couldn't say it unless she'd mean it forever? No one ever really _knows_ if something will be forever. It was an awfully difficult request.

She sighed as her head swirled with too many questions. They'd barely said ten words and she was already overwhelmed. It had only been a week; but when all she did for those seven days was worry, it felt like far longer She missed his apartment and the way she'd grown comfortable in it, but most of all, she just missed him.

"How's work been?" She managed. She wasn't about to go in all gangbusters with questions about feelings after they'd only talked on the phone for a few minutes each night. There was a lot to discuss, but after dinner they'd have the whole night alone. That conversation wasn't the type to rush into, especially not in their fragile states.

"I haven't gone," he admitted. "I took a few vacation days…" She frowned; he hadn't told her that on the phone, but then again, she hadn't asked. "Can't focus," he almost sounded frustrated with himself.

"Oh…" she was rendered speechless. She pictured him home alone, broken and angry and a twisting feeling took over at the realization that he hadn't asked for her help. She needed more details, but prying would make it worse, so she settled for a gentle reminder. "You could've called me…"

"You've been busy," he shrugged. "Working a lot more than usual…"

"Not because of you," the words rushed out. She needed him to know it was the truth. "Things are crazy there right now. In fact, Meredith wanted me to stay late tonight and I told her no…" Could she prove her feelings this way? If he didn't want to hear the words, would he at least notice how hard she was trying? "You _could_ have called, Damon…"

"Okay," he said, slowly digesting her words, and led her into the kitchen. The silence hung for a moment, before she spoke again.

"So I had breakfast with Katherine this morning," Anything to get him talking…

"That sounds fun," his voice shouted gratefulness that she'd changed the subject. They couldn't avoid it forever, but he missed the sound of happiness in her voice and Kat stories _always_ made her smile; Elena's smiles were contagious.

"It was. I miss her a lot," she nodded. "We used to always make time to just sit down and talk but now that we're older life's a lot crazier," she sighed. "But we had a really, _really_ good talk and I'm starting to feel better about a few things."

"Like me?" he asked carefully. It was a small attempt to break the ice around the subject but he worried that it came across as self-centered.

"More like _me_…"

* * *

"How are you holding up?" Katherine asked, using the side of her fork to slice into her blueberry muffin. They were seated by a floor to ceiling window at a contemporary café that bright, sunny morning.

Elena brought her steaming mug of coffee to her lips and sipped. It was heaven to have someone to talk to. "My head is in 81 different places and all of them are crazy," a smile of admittance crossed her lips. "But 95% of the time, my mind's on Damon…" she bit her lip. "May as well admit it,"

"Wow…" Katherine smiled. "It has been _forever _since I've seen that look on your face. But on the phone you sounded upset and I can't help but think something's wrong. Are things okay? Is he still good to you?" As Elena's best friend, she knew she had to ask, but she was afraid to dig much more. And she couldn't politely put into words what Elena's usual choice of men had been, but if she was as lovesick as she looked, she needed to know Damon wasn't in the fuck-them-and-leave-them category.

"Yes," she nodded. "He's frustrating and clueless sometimes, but it's sweet almost. And for the first time ever, I want to share myself with someone…my whole self; not just the easy parts. That's proof enough. But we're going through some stuff right now...family stuff and _us_ stuff…"

Katherine nodded, afraid to jump in and ruin Elena's waterfall of words and emotions.

"I know what I want with him and he _really _knows what he wants with me…" she trailed off with a twisted stomach. "And in some ways it's the same, but in others, it's very_, very_ different than I would've guessed. I mean I gave up on all of that stuff years ago…" she said, more to herself than to her friend.

"So you're serious then?" Kat asked, gently. Elena sat wordless for a moment as things began to align in her mind.

"Everyone asks that," she stared out the window for a moment. "The truth is, every time I say 'yes' I realize _just_ how real it is. And to think it started out as an obsession," she smiled at the memory of her 2 a.m. texts a few months ago. She couldn't get him out of her place fast enough when it was over back then, but now she'd give anything to hear him beg her to let him stay.

At first he'd just said he needed a night alone, but slowly it turned into more time. She got busy with work and instead of him finding crazy reasons to pop in or show up at her place, he'd left it. She knew he wanted time, but not _that_ much…

She looked to her friend again, "I've never felt this way about _anyone_," she clarified, but Katherine knew exactly what she was referring to. "Things were different with Jace. I did tell him I loved him too quickly…I never loved him. I see that now," she shook her head and sighed. Kat's heart pounded in relief at her friend's words. She'd waited years for Elena to admit it, but she wasn't about to throw her an 'I told you so' now. It didn't matter anymore. "I feel like a fool for all of that because it was so immature. I get that now because I'm in love with Damon,"

"Wow again," she swallowed. "Well, okay…" she inhaled slowly. She wanted Elena to be happy but she hadn't realized they were so far along already. "So what's the matter, Elena?" she whispered. "Why are you here at breakfast with me instead of spending your first day of vacation in bed with him?"

"Kat!" her face flushed.

"Well, what?" She smirked. "Don't take this the wrong way, but I am your best friend and I _do_ know how you work. I think I'd be more shocked if you told me you _aren't_ sleeping with him,"

"Okay fine! Of course I wish I was there! But things are awkward right now," she confirmed, digging her own fork into her banana bread. "We're not angry with each other. We've talked on the phone and all that…it's just that I don't know how to act around him anymore. I mean, I haven't seen him since that god-awful dinner, but I can tell by the tone of his voice that he's still cautious about me. The thing is…he doesn't have to be!" She shook her head, "If he were in my head, if he could hear everything inside of me that I can't actually say to him, he'd never worry again,"

"So when do you bridge the gap then?" Katherine's eyebrows arched. "When do you start actually saying what you feel out loud?"

"I sort of did…not everything, but something pretty big…" she wiped her mouth with her napkin and swallowed. "And then not three days later I took it back,"

"Elena, no…" she closed her eyes. "You didn't,"

"Yes, I did," she nodded. "We were short on time and I started rambling, like I do," she gestured to her current similar state, "He was driving me crazy because he wouldn't tell me something he thought was stupid and I snapped. By the way, I was kind of right to worry because you wouldn't _believe_ what he's been dreaming up…" she sighed, getting off point. "But regardless of how angry he made me, I should've never said what I said. I should've never made him question what he means to me. It was bad then and now it's _really_ bad. It's like I'm rubbing it in…" she'd briefly recapped the Salvatore infidelity situation to Katherine earlier on the phone. "Now he feels alone and I feel helpless and cruel for not being able to fix him,"

"So tell him now," she made it sound so easy.

"I can't," she shrugged with a smile of heartache gracing her lips. "I tried and he begged me not to. I tried to tell him I love him. I wanted to take him home and explain everything I did wrong that night, about how no matter how scared I get about some things, it'll never be enough to make me want to leave him," she shook her head. "But instead, he's only left with the memory of me saying that I think one day we _will_ break up…"

"Do you still think that?"

"Well I want to say no, but does anybody every really know?" She took another bite of banana bread and let her words hang in the air. "I mean it'd be a little naïve of me to walk around believing I'm always going to have him, don't you think?"

"No," Katherine smiled. "It's the way I walk around with Mason every day. You have to have faith when you love someone,"

"That's different. He's your husband,"

"And you said you're never getting married, but that doesn't mean you have to be on the edge of your seat waiting for the fallout at every given moment. I'm just going to say one little thing here, because you know I can't keep my mouth shut when I have an opinion about something," she explained. "You know I love you, Elena…"

"Oh God," she knew what was coming. Anytime she started a conversation with that phrase, she was about to say something that Elena was probably going to disagree with.

"No, just listen," she laughed. "You're a brave woman. You've been through way more than a lot of people our age or older have. But I have to be honest here. I get that you're reluctant, but if you want to be with him the say you do, you need to start believing it's possible. You want him to know without a doubt that you're in it, regardless of how afraid you are, you need to show him that. Do you really believe he doesn't want to hear it from you?"

"Maybe," she said sadly. "I don't know. He begged me, Kat. I tried to push and he got angry, so if I'm just going off that, I guess I do believe it," she frowned. "If you could've heard him begging me to stop…" she swallowed. "But I also know that if someone had tried to fix something about me the night of Cade's death, I would've pushed them away, too. I understand it…but I haven't loved someone like this _ever_…and the fact that I can't share that with him, that I can't be honest about it kills me…"

"I'm sorry…but it sounds like you think it's all worth it," Kat sighed. Her stomach twisted with the information she was holding inside. There'd been areason she'd asked her for coffee that morning. She couldn't chicken out, but she'd wait a little longer, until Elena said everything she needed to say. Her heart pounded worriedly.

"It is…it's just that nothing is ever easy or smooth with us. If it was just problems with us, it'd be one thing, but it's not just that," Elena's face scrunched up, "I'm worried about Chase, too. It's more complicated of a situation than I ever thought I'd get myself into, but I'm in it and I want to be…" she sighed. "And I probably can't ask you this, because of confidentiality and the fact that he really _isn't_ mine, but has he been acting out more at school?"

Katherine wiped the crumbs from her mouth and sent her best friend a cautious smile. "Chase is a good kid, Elena. Kids act up sometimes…mostly for attention that they aren't getting from home,"

"But we are…I mean _he_, Damon, is giving him attention…" she caught herself, realizing she was including herself in his 'home life.' It wasn't that she was afraid and it wasn't that she was ashamed. It was just so new and Katherine couldn't possibly understand; no one did.

"I don't know how much you really know about him, his parents…" her voice was dry with emotions, and she sipped her coffee gratefully. "Maybe I'm not the best judge of character when it comes to fathers, but when I imagine what a Dad _should_ be, I see mine. I don't see Jace, obviously. And I don't see Stefan…from what I know about him. And Damon's not a dad by any means, but he's trying. I can't see why Chase would feel neglected by him. They spend so much time together…"

"I didn't mean to suggest anything like that, Elena," Katherine said sadly, noticing the small change in her friend's voice. "I'm sorry…I'm just a little nervous right now," her eyes looked anywhere but into Elena's. She'd brought her to a public place to avoid a complete breakdown…from both of them.

"Nervous?" Elena laughed. "You can tell me anything,"

She heard Kat's voice hitch in her throat for a moment, as she tried to speak again. Kat shook her head and tried to hide the tears that threatened to fall. Her stomach bounced with nerves and anticipation of the news she'd have to tell her friend. Elena heard the bottom of Kat's wedding ring tapping on the edge of the table as she slapped it, willing herself the courage to speak. "I'm pregnant," the words fell out of her like air shooting from a popped balloon and Elena's heart stopped. "I couldn't tell you before, at the school. I hadn't seen you in a while and I didn't know how you'd react. I hope you aren't angry with me…"

She wasn't angry. Devastation wasn't the word, either. Katherine and Mason had been married for five years. They'd finally started dating after college. It wasn't a question of 'if' but 'when' they'd have kids. They deserved the best, and she was happy for them…it just came with extra, indecipherable feelings, as did most things in her life.

Was it envy? She wasn't jealous of the pregnancy, but there was a good chance that she would be of the end result. It wasn't that she wanted another kid. She just wanted Cade. She'd been clear with Damon and clear with herself; kids weren't in her future. She had her reasons, and she'd tell Damon them later, when things calmed down.

A minute wasn't nearly long enough to process what the feeling leaping in her stomach truly was, but it was something akin to homesickness. She reigned in her confusion and spoke,

"Oh, Kat," she smiled as her stomach flipped. "That's wonderful. When are you due?"

Katherine exhaled, relieved Elena hadn't burst into tears on the spot. She looked a little on edge, but that was to be expected. She'd been so worried that telling her would wear her down, freak her out about where she was headed in life, but it had seemed to do just the opposite. The news didn't cut as deep _because_ she had Damon and Chase. It was easier to accept other's successes in life when she didn't feel like a complete failure at love anymore; they were just at a rocky point.

"December…around Christmas," her eyes lit up for the first time that morning. The elephant moved itself off her chest and she could finally breathe around her best friend again. "It's still early, of course, but everything seems good so far…"

"Children are a blessing, for as long or as short as you have them," Elena said simply. "Sometimes it's hard for me to remember that last part…but I still do believe it. I still wouldn't change it, as asinine as Jace was. Cade was my world and that will never change. But I love Damon and I _need_ to start really letting him in. I need to realize what that means for the future…."

"You think you have a future with him?

"_That_'s one of the 'us'problems," Elena said slowly. "Damon's light years ahead of me. He told his mother he wants one. Like a 'Here are my wife and kids' _kind_ of future."

"Oh…" Katherine lifted her coffee mug to her lips again. "And you don't…" she paused. "He's decided this after just a few months?"

"That's what _I'm_ saying. Am I crazy for being a little freaked out by all of it?"

"No, of course not; especially knowing your opinion on all of that. I take it he _knows_ your opinion," She was almost afraid to ask.

"Everything is so new for him, but not for me. I was _so_ young when I had Cade. Back then I knew I was meant to be a mother. But when I lost him, I had to find another purpose. It was the only way I could go on. I didn't talk to you guys about that a lot because I really just couldn't take the pity…" she paused. "It's just that if I have another kid one day…I'm afraid my memories of Cade will disappear. I'm afraid of losing him. Damon's wonderful, really. He is absolutely the marrying-type…it's me that's not," she shook her head. "The truth is, I'm afraid of loving someone _that_ much again…"

"Loving a child and loving a man are much different,"

"Maybe so…but I can't wrap my head around all of that right now. Love is one big lump sum and I'm just happy to actually feel it again. I have to be honest with him and I plan to be. We're seeing each other tonight," she swallowed.

"But enough about me and all that stuff." she smiled. "A little Lockwood baby…I am _really _happy for you," she explained. "You're still like a sister to me. You always will be,"

The words swirled around her wildly. Overall, she felt fine, but she was sure it would haunt her a little bit more, once she'd had time to digest it all a little better. But initial reactions were true reactions. In the long run, she'd be okay. In the long run, she and Damon and Chase would all be okay.

"You too," she smiled and picked up her fork again to resume eating her coffee cake. All talk of Jace and Cade and pregnancies ended, and they found themselves laughing about the little things in life, work and books and stories of their science project gone wrong. Elena was smiling. She could be happy for her friend without feeling completely bitter. That was big and she was damn proud of herself.

* * *

Now all that talking and realization was about to play out. Something had to give with them.

"Turns out I'm stronger than I thought when it comes to that kind of thing,"

"Wow," he said, afraid to ask more. She'd left out the parts where she explained her feelings, but she'd said 'pregnancy' and that word just worked in his head. He knew they had to discuss their squabble. He knew it was all coming…but he couldn't do it with Chase around. That would make things even more awkward. So the air stayed heavy for a little while longer.

She set her purse down on the counter, as she always did, and her eyes found a bottle of wine near a vase of flowers. She inhaled slowly, catching the sweetness of the roses and felt flutters of the familiar dancing along the empty pit of her stomach.

"These are pretty," she reached up and touched one of the petals, "Are they…"

"Well they aren't for Chase," he smiled. "Of course they're yours," he walked over to stand behind her, looking over her shoulder at the full vase and wine that she now held in her hands. He hadn't touched her once since that night in the car, but her skin was heating quickly at his nearness; even the slightest touch would make her feel a little calmer. "Do you like them?" he asked softly, and she could feel his loving gaze floating along the profile of her face. And when he did touch her, it was too light to actually feel. He swept those troublesome hairs away from her cheek and behind her ear so he could get a better look at the pink rising in her face.

"Very much," she said seriously.

His breath tickled the side of her neck as he moved closer, his hands still not touching her skin. "I'm not good at the whole apology thing…" his hands were pressed into the sides of the counter on each side of her. There was barely room to move, but she turned to face him with the wine shaking in her hands. The side of his finger tipped her chin up to look up at him. She swallowed, knowing they were about to dive into difficult topics. That wasn't supposed to happen before dinner.

"Apologies…" she tested the word.

"Oh, hey Elena," Chase said loudly, interrupting with a smirk. "Prepare to be amazed by dinner!" Her eyes shifted up to Damon in question. Chase hadn't sounded _that_ happy in weeks. She figured maybe they'd cleared things up during her week absence, but the question on Damon's face told her everything. He'd had more time to process it, but he was still equally confused. Whatever the reason, they weren't taking it for granted.

"Amazed, huh?" she exhaled as Damon stepped away from her. "What are we having?"

"Didn't he tell you?" The boy's eyes met Damon and he smiled, "We _both_ made dinner. Chicken Parmesan, just for you," Her eyes lit up at his excitement. A rush of relief swept through her at the tiny thought that maybe things had worked themselves out and they were going to be okay after all.

"Wow. I would've been fine with hamburger helper, but…" she teased. "I'm feeling spoiled, so thank you," she nodded to both of them. "What's all this for,"

"It's an apology," Chase said seriously. "Turns out we're jerks. Turns out life really _sucks_ without you. We missed you," his honesty sent shivers down her spine. This boy, so sad, so lost, needed her. "So we made chicken," he pointed at the dishes and Damon laughed. He had a funny way of explaining things, but it was just _so_ Chase.

"Chicken is the best apology I think I've ever gotten," she looked up toward a smiling Damon and heaved a sigh of relief. Chase had been the source of so much of their stress over the last few weeks, but now he was the one easing the mood. "I love it,"

She feared something was wrong, but she didn't want to believe it. She just wanted one night where their laughter outweighed their tears.

Their dinner was calm, with a few stories of the past week. "So you're packed, then?" Damon asked Chase as he grabbed a second piece of chicken. "You leave in what, an hour?"

"Yes. Natalie is picking me up so you two can stay here. I'll be out of your hair soon enough. One more hour and you guys can have all kinds of crazy, gross sex all over the place," he waved his fork around. _This _was Chase.

"What?" Elena choked on her green beans. "Chase!"

"Hey! She laughed!" he pointed and high-fived Damon. Elena smiled; she hadn't known she was being watched so closely. "You can thank me now," he finished with an eyebrow waggle.

The rest of the dinner was lighthearted and easy. Soon Chase would be gone and instead of the 'wild, gross sex' he'd dreamed up, there would be serious talking with a 98% chance of tears, Elena when she saw him with his duffel bag slung over his shoulder and his baseball cap pulled down tight over his emerald eyes like the first time she'd seen him at the airport, her stomach swirled.

* * *

"You know, you're a pain in the ass sometimes, kid, but I _will_ miss you," Damon poked a piece of chicken. "You'll call when you get there. I'm serious,"

"Sure," he smiled. "I'll be fine," He reached his hand out to slap Damon's into a handshake.

"Whatever you do, don't talk to people at the bus stops," Elena warned. "Not even pretty girls. You don't know where they've been," she pulled off his hat and smiled. "Some of the scuzziest women come in…"

"Yes, _mom_," he said teasingly, but stopped, startled. He missed being able to joke around with her. He missed the days when he _didn't _know…

He hadn't meant to be mean. He hadn't meant to rub anything in her face. He was doing it again, he worried. He was hurting her, like he always did. But it was different this time; it was supposed to be hiccup-free and sweet. It was his curtain call.

He breathed a little easier when he realized there _wasn't_ hurt in her eyes. She smiled and tipped her head, showing him she was okay. "I'm sorry…" he shook his head and sighed. "I'm sorry for everything; for sneaking in Natalie, for saying those things about my grandpa…all of it. I don't think you know how great you really are." He was right; she didn't. "But I do, and I'm sorry if I made you think differently. And I'm sorry for saying what I just said. It slipped…" Oh, he couldn't screw it up now…

"It's okay," her voice shook as tears filled her eyes. It was just a trip. He'd be back in a few days, she knew, but it felt like goodbye. She shook her head and pulled him into a hug. "I think you're great, too. Have a safe trip, Chase," she kissed him on the cheek. "We love you,"

"I…" he paused, shell shocked. She'd never said it to his face, and in that moment, he realized he believed the words coming out of Elena's mouth more than when his own mother had said them. "Yeah, I love you guys, too," he swallowed. "Now, you two _behave_. My room is off limits…just saying..." he laughed and pointed between them, "I'll see you later," he sent them a little wave and headed out the door.

Elena's heart sank for a second as she stared at the closed front door. "Something's off," she whispered. "It was like he was really saying goodbye," Her eyes narrowed until Damon walked in front of her and placed his hands on her shoulders, catching her teary eyes with reassurance.

"It's just a trip," he pressed a kiss on her forehead. "He's a big boy," his lips fell lopsided. "Maybe getting away from us for a while will help him."

"How was he this week? He seems to be doing well. Did you guys talk about Giuseppe?"

"For the first few days he was really quiet. School's just about over so he's been studying a lot. When he wasn't studying he was at practice or out winning games…" he paused. "But then a few days ago he just woke up and he was back to his old, cocky self again. I figured…who was I to question it? I should just be thankful that _something_ felt normal again…"

"Normal…" she swallowed. "I don't think anything's ever really been totally normal for us…" she reached up to touch his smooth cheek and he smiled. "Will it ever be?"

"God, I hope so," he wrapped his arm around her shoulder, leading her to the couch. "I'll be right back," She smiled as she watched his bare feet pad into the kitchen and grab the bottle of wine and two glasses. The butterflies in her stomach were on fire when he walked back with half a full glass of red. His smile was brilliant as he handed it to her.

His arm landed along the back of the couch and she leaned into it, turning her head toward him. She searched his eyes for the normalcy they both seemed to crave. "We're not okay yet, are we?," she swirled her wine slowly and stared down into the sea of burgundy. "I can feel it. It's me, isn't it?"

"It's us," his heart hammered. "I think it's going to take more than a little apology chicken to fix this, Elena," He'd have left it at that if it had been anyone else, but she deserved an _actual_ 'I'm sorry,' more than anyone else he knew. "I am really, _really _sorry for a lot of things….Dad…Mom…Chase's behavior, but mostly, mine," he heaved a sigh. "I'm sorry I was so angry and violent with my father, and I'm sorry that I wasn't honest with you about what Chase said…" he paused, "But this isn't the way I wanted to do this. I haven't seen you in a week. We used to go a few days here and there all the time, but I don't like it anymore," he heard a small gasp when his hands finally made contact with the bare skin of her thigh as it played with the hem of her dress. "And like I said I'm bad with apologies because I don't often see when I'm wrong, but I see this and I have to do something about it," he took the glass of wine from her hands and set it on the end table on the other side of her. "I just don't know how,"

"It's okay," she nodded slightly, holding his stare, afraid to really say much more about it for fear of cracking. "You don't need a big, fancy apology for any of that. Dinner was so nice. The truth is, I've missed you guys a lot. Going with the whole 'normal' theme here, I realized that the three of us eating dinner together feels more normal than a lot of things in life," she admitted. "And this weirdness between us," she licked her lips, "I think most of it is because we very easy misunderstand each other,"

"No, I run my mouth without thinking," he sighed. "What's there to misunderstand about that?"

"We do a lot of sidestepping in this relationship," she smiled honestly. "We're doing it right now," her smile widened when a guilty smile crossed his lips. "The truth is…I'm worried about you. I have _been_ worried about you for a week…"

"Don't be," he shrugged. "I'm used to this kind of shit with him. Sure, it's a new topic and a new day, but it'll all end the same way it always does. I'm over it," his voice was steady and prayed the wine would start working to relax her soon. She was high strung, ready to snap at any given moment. He was doing it again; pretending not to care.

"Please don't do that," she smiled sadly, "I know it's easier, but I'm sure it's not true. Don't pull away from me,"

"My Dad isn't my Dad. My real Dad's dead, and my Mom's a liar. Case closed; no further research or elaboration needed. I'll just go on living my life as if they never existed. It doesn't bother me. There's nothing to think about or talk about. I'm fine,"

"I see what you're doing. I don't like it and I don't believe you," she said softly. "You're hiding from me. You asked for time away from me and I gave it to you. For a week I sat there worried sick that you were upset and alone, but I was afraid to show up here because I thought you'd be angry. I waited on you but you never came. I wanted to be there for you, but the way you reacted that night made me feel like I was a bigger problem than they were. I know it sounds like I'm trying to make this all about me, but I'm not. I want you to work out what you need to, so you can be happy,"

"I will be happy when I can stop thinking about him," he said simply. It was his way of telling her she was right; that he _was_ bothered by all of it. Of course he was! But Damon was Damon and he didn't just fall apart at the seams that way. And even if Elena didn't care about his reputation, he did. "I really don't want to talk about that anymore tonight," it sounded similar to what he said a week ago and she felt defeated for a moment. But you win some and you lose some, she knew, and she'd rather lose that battle than the one they were about to start in on.

"We need to talk about us. I understand if you don't want to talk about Giuseppe or your mother," he appreciated that she didn't refer to the monster as his 'father' anymore. "But we are separate from that, and I think we're letting some of our _other_ issues get in the way of our real feelings. Don't you?"

"Hell, Elena, I don't think I even _had_ feelings about any of it before you and now…" he stopped. "I hate being weak. Weak around _them_ around Chase, you…"

"But you can be sometimes. You are _not_ a weak man, Damon, but some things in life are too much and you don't have to shove them all aside a day or two later just to be a certain way. You don't have to pretend around me…not about anything. And I don't think you always do," she swallowed, "You stood up to Giuseppe for yourself, for me…"

"Yeah….I nearly choked the fucker and I scared you," he said flatly.

"I'm not afraid you're going to hurt me that way. I know you're not him, Damon. You would never," she tried desperately to gain the courage she needed to ask the real questions bothering her. "_That_ wasn't what scared me,"

Her eyes looked down at his fingers rubbing the silk edge of her dress. Oh, she was trying to be sweet and he was just so damn tempting. _That_ was normal for them. She shook it off, continuing, "You're far braver than I am when it comes to us. You told me you loved me and you didn't back down, not even when I…"

"And I won't back down," he said confidently. "Even when it hurts," his final words kicked her in the gut. His eyes were bold and strong as she scrambled to pick up the pieces of her heart that had just fell into her stomach. "I can't make you love me, but you cannot stop me from loving you and I am not sorry for that,"

He heard a small sound come from her lips before he continued. It was a full-fledged angsty love movie moment love proclamation and it was happening to her.

"I've been alone my whole life. I'm used to it. But you're mine. You're _really_ mine. You said that and I still believe it, regardless of all this other shit that popped up. Do you?"

"Yes, of course I do. I just worry that one day you'll get too frustrated with me, and…"

"What I'm not used to is feeling _this_," he continued, dancing around her statement. He gestured between them. "I'm new at it and right now I feel like I'm horrible at it. I said I love you and I mean it. I'm not picking and choosing parts I want of you, Elena. I want all of you, even the part of you that just _won't_ let me in," he said pointedly and she understood he was referring to her word-eating. "I wish you'd believe me,"

"And I wish you'd believe me," the words came out quickly and she regretted them immediately. She hadn't meant to go there just then; she knew she was the reason why he doubted her. She was completely indecisive. If she were him, she'd be upset, too.

"I did…" he frowned. "But then you made it seem like you'd made a mistake by saying it and I wasn't sure what to believe. You're right. We lie to each other too much. And we assume,"

"You're right. I did make a mistake, Damon," she shook her head. "We are so close to each other and then I felt like you were hiding something from me and I panicked. For a second, I doubted. I fell into old habits like I did when I _couldn't_ trust people, men…" she paused. "So I took it all back, everything…just trying anything to save me from the pain that I thought _might_ come from us one day…but I didn't _mean_ it," she swallowed when she saw his eyes down on his fingers as they worked the black material worriedly. "I didn't mean any of it. Look at me," her hand found his and stopped his motions. "You asked me not to say those words and I want to respect your wishes, but honestly, I'm not sure I can. And it's not because I need to feel in control or because I'm trying to win an argument here," she shook her head. "And just because you're afraid to hear it doesn't mean it isn't true…it is _so_ true, Damon…" the tone in her voice broke his heart.

He watched her slowly but didn't say a word. Maybe he was overwhelmed, she thought, or maybe she'd finally left him truly speechless for once.

"I need to say something….just to get it off my chest," A nauseating hot feeling crept up into her mouth. "And you might not like it, but it's the way I feel..." she caught his worried eyes with hers. "You tell me you love. You start talking kids and marriage with everyone _but_ me. You want me to be your _wife_ one day, but you won't let me tell you that I lo…" she shook her head. "It doesn't make sense,"

"It does to me. Do you know how many people have said that to me? Mom, Stefan, maybe Chase in a roundabout way, and _you_…well, you sort of did…" he stopped. "And 75% of those people have done something or said something to make me think I couldn't really believe it. I wish I could say you're the other 25%...but you aren't,"

"I know that," she swallowed. "You don't have to make a statistic out of it. Jesus,"

"You wanted to know why I can't hear it from you. I'm just being honest. Take that list of people who've said it to me and divide it in half. That's who I love; you and Chase. I will lose him one day. He will grow up…it's what happens. I can't think about the other two right now… And you...I can't lose you," he frowned. "But I can't handle any more broken promises, Elena. Especially not from you," he shook his head. "Just see it however the hell you want to see it. I can't explain it, I guess…"

"Are we fighting?" her head fell in her hands. "I can't even tell anymore."

"No…we're being honest and it _sucks_," he said seriously. "This is the part when we realize that we're adults and we aren't always going to agree on everything. It doesn't mean we can't be together,"

"We disagree on some major things, Damon…" she frowned.

"Just for right now," he swallowed. "Not forever,"

"I can't process 'forever,'"

"I know that," he answered quickly.

"But I also can't imagine not having you, so maybe I'm the one who doesn't make sense. Like I said, a lot of this is my fault. I was stupid to blow it out of proportion, but I wasn't completely wrong. You _were_ hiding something from me,"

"I had to. What would you have said if I told you that I'd thought about those things with you? You scatter at the mention of anything too serious; how the hell was I supposed to tell you, two months into this, that I want us to be a real family someday? I couldn't. Not after you told me about Cade. I felt so _selfish_ for being upset when you told me you didn't want kids or marriage. I _knew_ why. I completely get it, but it didn't stop me. I didn't want to believe it. I wanted to be the man who could change your mind down the line. I wanted to love you enough to make you see the way it really should've been…." He paused when he heard a small whimper from her again and saw the tears rolling down her cheeks.

"These are things I never, ever wanted to feel, Elena. But I do. I shouldn't have told my mother. It's not like it matters, though. Her opinion means nothing now. But now I've upset you all over again,"

"It's just…it would've been nice to hear it from you instead of Giuseppe," she said honestly. "I felt like everyone knew what you wanted but me. And I'm already somewhat insecure about us. That really just pushed me over the edge. I felt like a failure. I still do. You still want those things, don't you?"

"Yes," he admitted. "And I always will. I'm stubborn and I'm selfish, Lena. I was told 'no' all the time as a kid, so when I grew up, I made sure that no one could say 'no' to me again," his voice teetered on broken, "I like being in control because I know I won't get hurt. But this, you…I accept it. If you don't want it, I respect that because I just care about _you_. I don't just want those things to want them. I wanted them with you…and if I can't have them with you, I don't want them with anyone. I wish it were different and that he hadn't ruined you. Maybe that's the selfish side of me coming out, but if it is, I'm not sorry for _that_ either. He's dead, Elena, and pardon my insensitivity, but a dead guy has no business in _our_ business. I won't let him destroy us," he shook his head.

"And my Cade would've been lucky to have someone like you as a Dad instead of that bastard, but I was a kid myself back then and I didn't get it either. It all still gets to me, you know. I start to think about what my life would be like if he'd lived. I wouldn't have gotten back with Jace; not ever. Would we still have met? I tend to think no. I mean, I wouldn't have been so…irresponsible about my relationships if I had a son to take care of. I liked Matt but it clearly wasn't going anywhere. He never even tried to come back to me after Cade died," she took a small breath before she continued,

"But say we did meet somehow...Chase and Cade…I _do_ think about that," she swallowed. "And wishing won't get me anywhere, of course, but it somehow makes me feel a little better to think I would've made a good life for him..."

"You know I would never push you. Like I said, it's different with you. And maybe this is a stupid question, but if we're doing this whole honesty thing, I want to know. It just makes you sad, right? It makes you think of Cade? That's why you don't want kids?"

"Mostly, yes; I'm afraid of it feeling like I was trying to replace him. But it's more than that. Like I said _I'm_ the problem. I made my decision a long time ago that I couldn't tie myself to someone forever. Not again. If I ever lost that person…if I ever married you…if we ever _did_ have kids and I lost any of them again or you…I would die. I would die this time."

_Die_ _without him_? That was perhaps a bigger confession than 'I love you,' he thought…

"So maybe I'm a coward and can't get over it," she managed, "But if you won't let me say the real words…you need to at least hear how important you are to me…"

At that his stomach bottomed out. He had no answer; there _was_ no way to respond to that. He could've said she'd never lose him, but there were no guarantees. He could've said she couldn't walk around waiting for everything bad to happen to her, but he was pretty sure that was _not_ what she needed to hear just then. Her reasons were all situational; they were 'what if's' and she hated living by those; but he wasn't her and he hadn't been through what she'd been through. He loved her enough to know when to just accept things. He loved her enough to know when to just keep his mouth shut and listen.

"I told you a long time ago…" she whispered. "I'm _fucked_ up. And try as you may, there are some parts of me that I just don't think can be fixed. Babies are one of them. I can be happy for Katherine and Mason, but her news didn't make me want to rush over and get to it…" she frowned, realizing she sounded insensitive. "And I'm sorry for that, but its how I feel,"

"You are not fucked up," he said as she fell into his arms and the laid back on the couch together.

"Well I'm not normal," her hand snuck under his shirt, itching to feel his skin. "I feel crazy and selfish. I don't want to be. I want this, with you and Chase. I don't really care what people say about us playing house. We are…so what? We're all a mess but _this_ works,"

"Speaking of playing house," he inhaled strongly. "I think Chase put it best when he said that life sucks without you," his hand reached down into his pocket and he grabbed something small and silver. Her heart stopped in her chest as she saw what it was. "This is so unromantic and really not thought out whatsoever, but then again, I'm really _not_ a planner. I just want you to know that I made this decision before this conversation…" he cleared his throat. "I want you to have this," He placed it in her hand and she turned it over a few times.

"A key…" she whispered. "What is…I mean what's...what does it mean?"

"Yes, a key," he nodded. "And it means whatever you want it to mean. You decide what it can mean to you, and that's what it will mean," Oh, he was smooth, she thought. Now her head spun with questions. Was he just giving her a key so she could go over whenever she wanted, or was it what she _thought_ it was? He wanted her to move in with him.

Oh, this was serious stuff. He was finding simple ways to keep her without labels. He knew how to work her and she didn't hate it. But they'd just had a huge, exhausting conversation and she wasn't in the right state of mind to decide something as big as that. It wasn't a definite 'no.' It was all a little quick, really, but she did love him and they were working on compromise. Honestly, waking up next to Damon every morning pretty much outweighed any of the negatives it would bring. But her rash decision making had to stop, so she'd take her time and make the right choice this time.

"So…" he trailed off. For a moment, she decided he was absolutely bat-shit crazy. He couldn't hear 'I love you' but he wanted her to move in? She'd have to wear him down a bit more before she could really decide. Everything couldn't be solved in one night. She was just happy to see him again.

"I don't know what it means yet," she said honestly. "I just need time to think. You understand, right?"

"Yeah, sure," he stroked her hair as her head pressed against his chest. He smiled when he felt the muscles in her face change, indicating _she_, too, was smiling. "Take all the time you need. We may be back and forth on a lot of things, but am I right in saying that we're usually happier when we're all in the same place?"

"Yes," she nodded.

"Okay, good," he smiled. "No rushing from me, then. But I do have a request. Stay the weekend,"

"Okay," she nodded. "I'll have to go home and grab some things tomorrow," she yawned, stretching her arms in the air. "A little weekend of just us will be nice. Maybe things will start to fall back into place again,"

She still wasn't supposed to say it, she knew. She'd indicated she wanted to, but he hadn't taken the bait. She had half a mind to blurt it out, but he'd just said all that about respecting wishes. Her conscious was barking at her to behave for a little while longer. He wouldn't have indirectly asked her to move in with him he didn't trust her. Of course there was the whole Chase thing…what would people say about an almost stranger moving in with them? Chase wouldn't care, she was sure, but it would still be somewhat awkward for him to see her there every morning, walking out of Damon's room. That boy had an active imagination and she absolutely didn't want to be a part of it.

"Does Chase know about this key?" her eyes were heavy, but beautiful, he thought.

"Yes, we talked," he swallowed. "His whole slip up earlier, the mom thing…he's a snarky little s.o.b. sometimes, but he _does_ love you. He asked me a lot of questions last week and I only had the answers to about half of them. I'd like to change that. But if it really _does_ just turn out to be a key…well, that's okay, too." He listened to the silence for a minute before he realized she'd started to doze off.

"Lena?" he said her name softly, afraid to startle her.

"Yep…" she mumbled, nuzzling into his chest.

"Do you want to go to bed?" the words came out as a small laugh, but she was sleeping again. "Okay, let's go," he sat them up and stood her up on her feet. "Your wine is warm but I doubt you need it," his hands rested on her shoulders as she zombie-marched into his bedroom where they would fall into bed and have beautiful, insignificant dreams.

* * *

"Okay, listen," she yawned, pressing her chin into his bare chest and looking up into his eyes the next morning. "You can't let me go to sleep without brushing my teeth. Now I feel gross,"

"You barely made it to the bed. I need to put some bumpers on the walls if you're going to be using that key..." he smiled. "And your teeth are fine. You were so out of it I'd have had to brush them for you and I like you and all," he winked, "but I don't think we're quite _there_ yet…" she rolled her eyes and he kissed her forehead. "Try Chase's room. I bought him like three when he got here, just in case. You know, soft, medium, firm..."

"Wow," she teased. "How thorough of you…"

"Mock me all you want, but your breath will be fresh because of my paranoia," he leaned in and kissed her softly. "Go ahead. I saw one in the package on his dresser yesterday," his hands worked a scooting motion toward the door. He threw the covers off to shock her into waking up then smirked.

"Don't be cute. You let me be gross and that is not cool," she pouted, but her eyes said everything; they'd finally both slept well after a week of misery.

When she left the room his head fell back against the couch, searching for peace. "Damn it, Elena…" he muttered to himself. "You are the most…"

But his muttering was interrupted when she reappeared before him, her hand shaking as she held two envelopes. Her feet started to move, but it was more of an effort than it should've been. She was colorless and sick when he stood to meet her halfway. All traces of playfulness had left her big brown eyes.

"What's the matter?" He had to ask, but he _really _didn't want to know.

"I went to find the toothbrush and I found these…" her voice broke when he pulled the two envelopes from her fingers. His eyes mirrored hers; treacherous whirlpools swirling with fear.

"Caroline's letter," he swallowed as he noticed it had been opened. "I swear I put this somewhere he wouldn't find it…"

"Never mind that," she shook her head. "Open that one…" she pointed to the one that said "Damon" in big, bold text. She heard his breathing slow and knew his mouth was as dry as hers. Something _wasn't_ right; she'd known it before but they'd gotten wrapped up in themselves for once and now it seemed Chase had to say things on paper he didn't feel he could say in person.

His eyes scanned the words quickly. It was only three-quarters of a page in length. "_Fuck_!" He yelled, slamming his fist into the wall next to them and her heart found a sick rhythm. The letter had fallen on the ground and she could barely focus as she bent to pick it up.

And the world was lifeless again, as she began to read the words aloud,

**"I'm writing you this letter because I want you to be happy. You have given me a lot in a short period of time. It's been more than just a new place to sleep and a new school. Maybe I don't know much about relationships and all that...haven't had good examples…but living with you and the three of us hanging out…well, it's the coolest thing I've ever done,"** she paused as a few tears fell onto the pages. **"You and Elena love each other, but you've been fighting a lot and I know why. I'm in the way. I'm ruining everything for you. I heard what she said to you. I was listening the whole time. I remind her of her dead kid, and as long as I'm around, she won't be happy. She says she loves me and that's why I can't do this anymore,"** her heart broke as she swallowed, continuing. He'd misunderstood her…**"I don't want to hurt her anymore."**

**"Mom wrote me a letter. I know you didn't want me to see it, but I did. I found it. I don't believe the things she said, but I'm her kid anyway. Elena lost her kid…even a screwed up mom like mine doesn't deserve to lose me. I'm all she has left. Without me…she might lose it. So I have to go home,"** her voice broke into a million tiny pieces when she saw Damon's face in his hands. **"I have to see what she wants and I have to see what my Dad wants. Maybe I'll try to visit him or something. I know he's been calling. I know what I said about being afraid…but Elena's story changes everything. She makes me want to be a good son, even if they aren't good parents. It doesn't mean I support them. It doesn't mean I'm going to start doing drugs or anything like that. I'm not stupid. I know who they are. I have to accept who **_**I **_**am now…I'm their kid and I have to just deal. I can't stick around and use you anymore…"**

"**I'm not on a baseball tournament trip. Yeah, you signed the papers but the bus doesn't leave until the morning. I won't be on it, so expect a call. I had Natalie pick me up and I'm probably long gone by now. I figured you'd find the letter soon enough. I'm sorry I lied but you'd never let me go on my own if I was honest. I'm not leaving because you did a bad job. You did a really good job…so good of a job that I started wishing you were my Dad, and Elena… I can't even say it. So thanks for everything. I hope now that I'm gone Elena can start to focus on you instead of me and you guys can be happy and all that. We'll see each other again. I hope you understand, but I know you probably don't. I know you'll come after me, but please don't. You've done enough.**

**Thanks for everything, and Go Dodgers!**

**I love you guys,**

** Chase**

She looked up from the letter, expecting to see anger in his eyes. But they were still and shocked and helpless. It was the calm before the storm, she knew. Soon he'd be yelling and screaming and panicked. Soon they'd break and feel helpless. They'd have to drag themselves off the floor so they could take action, call the police…

Chase wasn't dead, but he'd left them and they didn't know where he was. They'd loved him and they'd lost him; it was happening all over again…

* * *

**A/N: So it was difficult writing a follow-up chapter to the uber-depressing DG fallout. I wanted to make this lighter, and in some ways I think it was. But I really wanted to focus on the development between Damon and Elena. They're reaching a point where they are accepting their differences and trying to compromise, but their walls aren't completely down. They are stubborn, but it'd be all fighting all the time if they didn't actually want to work through it. So we wait.**

**And the Chase thing….many saw it coming, but perhaps in a different way. Not sure, but I'm curious to hear your thoughts on how it did end up happening. Damon may be thorough about toothbrushes, but he's a damn fool for not paying better attention to Chase's trips and paperwork. He's been so preoccupied, but it's not an excuse... **

**Chase is a good kid with some guilt and confusion and of course you know he won't be lost forever. When they do come together again, there will be explosions of emotions from several characters. We'll see new interactions and a lot of that will really start to sew up some loose ends in terms of feelings for these guys.**

**So we've got an on the edge, but teetering on okay DE about to lose their minds over Chase. Next chapter will be interesting. Thanks for reading. **


	17. Acoustic 3

**A/N: Thank you for your patience as you waited for this chapter. I had a busy week and weekend, but I snuck in some writing time when I could. I'm so happy to finally get this out to you.**

**I've chosen "Acoustic #3" by the Goo Dolls' "Dizzy Up The Girl" album for this chapter. It's a pretty song with applicable lyrics.**

**Starting out with an important flashback, then diving into the present with a few different scenes. Thanks for reading and for the awesome reviews. I'm so anxious to hear your thoughts on this one, so please let me know. Thanks!**

* * *

**All At Once**

**Chapter 16: Acoustic #3 **

Damon's fists were balled as he walked up the front steps of his Stefan and Caroline's house. He was eighteen and about to play the biggest game of his career. Regardless of their rifts throughout the years, Stefan ought to be there, he figured. They hadn't been in a good place in some eight years, but Damon refused to give up on the promise they'd made as kids. They'd always be best friends. No one would come between them. It may have fallen by the wayside for a while, but it was worth one more shot. One of these days he'd _have_ to pick Damon over Caroline…just once. He refused to believe that the greatest friend he'd ever had would choose an on-again off-again drug addict over his own family; it just wasn't who Stefan really was.

He turned the knob of the creaky wooden screen door and stepped inside. It was dark and smoky, like some seedy bar in the middle of nowhere. The low hum of some children's TV program buzzed in his ears as young Chase came into view. He was sitting on the mossy green, old carpet in just a pair of blue cotton shorts. His bright blond hair was sweat-soaked and stood up in an imperfect crown.

_Chase…_ Damon's inexperienced heart didn't know how to feel about the boy most times. He hadn't come between the Salvatore brothers. They'd already been so far apart before he was born. Life would be fine if it was just Damon and Stefan and Chase. Damon had even suggested it, but Stefan didn't see it that way. The woman he saw as the solution was really their _only _true problem. _She_ was the reason his brother had broken his promises. She, a _woman_ so weak, had somehow managed to break the biggest tie under the sun. Damon had quickly learned to put up a front when it came to them. He never let people see, not even Stefan, just how much he missed what they used to have. But it was times like _these_, when he was months away from his biggest dreams, that he wished his brother was by his side. No matter what murkiness existed between them, Stefan always supported his baseball; even when it felt like they had nothing left in common, they'd always have that.

Chase was the innocent one, really. He was too small to understand the kind of life his parents led, but one day he'd grow up and realize he was being shafted, too. They were kindred spirits, maybe. But they were 16 years apart and barely had a relationship. He'd been chosen as godfather, but only out of desperation, Damon knew. Gone were the days when it actually _meant_ something more, but that was okay; he probably wasn't really godfather material anyway…whatever that was.

But now his little two-year-old nephew fiddled with something as he sat on the dirty carpet in the glow of the bright TV. Damon moved closer to see and his already queasy stomach plummeted.

"Chase, no! You can't play with those!" He yelled, diving on the ground and pulling the scissors out of his small hands. They were shiny and sharp and so very dangerous to someone with such small hands and no common sense. He picked up the pieces of construction paper around him on the ground and swallowed. He didn't know any better, and no one was around to tell him 'no.'Damon wasn't the most sensitive guy in the world, but there was something obviously wrong here. He set the scissors up onto of a bookcase in a hurry, grateful he'd come in when he did. He sent a silent wish that this was the first and last time it would happen.

"Hi Uncle Damon," the small boy said, smiling. "I'm cutting art,"

"Where's your Daddy?" Damon crouched down on the ground next to him and Chase pulled the baseball cap off his dark hair. He set it on his own head and an automatic smile found Damon's face. The rest of him was swirling with nerves. Was his brother really so irresponsible? Didn't they pay attention to their kid or care what he did? Visions of Giuseppe flashed in his mind, sending him into an automatic bad mood.

"Out," Chase said. "He went to the store. Mommy's here. She's in her bedroom," he pointed, blinking his big green eyes. Damon felt his anger rising. He was an eighteen-year-old with an attitude problem and he had no reservations about marching in there and telling his sister-in-law what he _really_ thought about her. "Want to play?"

"I…um…I can't," Damon said. "Sorry, kid…I only have a few minutes. I just was looking for your Dad…" he pressed his palms into the carpet and pushed himself up to stand again. His eyes caught on the ragged couch and he heaved a sigh. He wasn't good at this. He didn't know what to do or say to keep the kid safe while he reamed out his mother. Caroline was 22 years old but her drugs took her down a few years, say five. She was mentally younger than him now, and he knew just how to dig into her. He was sick of every seeing _around_ the bad she did, quite frankly. He saw right through her and she knew it. Maybe that's why she got that terrified look in her eyes every time she saw him.

"How about you hop up on the couch and watch TV, okay?" He ran his hands through his messy dark hair and he walked down the hall as the blonde boy stared at him from under the Angels' cap. There weren't many people in the world that could make him feel warmer with just a look, but his little nephew was one of them. "Keep the hat, kid. The Angels are a great team."

He started down the hallway with new vigor. He was the one Salvatore this stupid little woman would _not _break.

"Caroline…" he said firmly but quietly. He didn't want to frighten Chase. He knew a thing or two about being a scared kid, and that kid looked out of sorts. His hand pressed against the wooden bedroom door as he repeated her name again through gritted teeth, "Open the door, Caroline…"

Bile rose in his throat when he waited but heard nothing. Frightening images ran through his head. She could be doing _anything_ in there, he knew. There were no guarantees that she was even alive. Life might even be easier if she were dead, he thought, but he was alone with that theory. Chase didn't deserve a dead mother…just a better one.

His hand turned the knob slowly. He was an adult, technically, but far too young to deal with his brother's messes. He'd never understand it; he'd never approve…but he'd never actually _done_ anything about it until now. Chase, shirtless and dirty with scissors was just too much. Maybe he saw parallels to his own life, but it hurt too much to think about all of that. He couldn't stand there anymore and watch the poor kid suffer without even knowing it. It wasn't fair and it wasn't right. How could his brother _sleep_ with this skeleton of a woman every night? His gut ached and his fragile heart pounded wildly. It was time someone put her in her place.

She jumped at the sight of him, her shaky hand dropping the small bag of white powder. "Jesus…" her eyes were sunken in, hollow; red-rimmed and swollen.

"Thanks for the compliment, but you can just call me Damon…" he waggled his cocky eyebrows.

"Funny," she flashed up a fake smile, but it faded quickly as she gathered up her stash and sealed up the bag again. "Now what the hell do you want?" She was a child who'd just lost her candy, a wander in the desert who'd gone days without water. Her eyes burned into her bag of cocaine, and she died a little.

He approached her slowly, grabbing the sealed bag off the ground and carrying it to the bathroom. She rubbed her face nervously, her skin crawling with need as she watched Damon flush her addiction down the toilet with gritted teeth. He looked up at her angrily and saw the red marks her fingers had clawed into her face. He washed his hands and poked his head out of the bathroom, checking that Chase was still sitting calmly on the couch before he shut the door and kept them inside.

"This might be the stupidest question I've ever asked, but what the hell is _wrong_ with you?" He barked. She stared at him blankly and his stomached churned at her translucent skin. She was a bag of bones; and unhealthy woman and an unfit mother. The little boy in the other room depended on her for things she would never give him. She didn't _deserve_ him…either of them. If only Stefan had realized…if only he'd seen he could've done _so_ much better without her. One day she'd be the end of them.

"You're doing drugs while your little boy is playing with scissors! How did he even find scissors?" He waved his hands. "You're in there taking care of yourself while no one is taking care of him! You're a terrible mother. You know, I always knew it but now…" he shook his head. "Funny how Chase is all dressed up and clean when you take him to my parents' house…no wonder they support you and love you. They actually _believe_ you want to get better and take care of your family. They actually think you stopped doing drugs…" he swallowed. "I haven't been here in years and the very first time I do show up unexpectedly, I see what your home life is really like…this place is hot and nasty…" his hands were wrapped around her tiny wrists as he stared into her eyes. He sought to find the terror she so easily laughed off.

"Hey, what's going on in here?" Damon heard his brother say through the closed bathroom door. "Care…" he asked nervously.

Damon unlocked it and stepped out, taking in another big breath of cigarette smoke that swirled in the air. His eyes found Chase for another moment before they locked on Stefan. If only he could talk to Stefan about her and just get him to see the problems…but as it would turn out, Stefan was now _part_ of the problem. The only innocent one was the little boy in the other room who just wanted to do art.

"Your wife's in there with her best friend the 'big C' and Chase is out there doing whatever he wants! The kid had scissors, Stefan. Not like plastic scissors…I'm talking huge, sharp scissors! How can you leave him with her? She shouldn't even be allowed to be alone with herself! I knew things weren't perfect but this?" He shook his head. "I'm disappointed in you…I can't believe you'd stay with her, like this…and trust her with your son. You're fucked, you know that?"

"We're working on it," he said seriously. "Stay out of my business,"

"I have," Damon said quickly. "But I came here to ask you if you'd like to come to my last game of the season. I thought maybe we could _try_ again…I thought maybe we were both just stubborn and I'd give you one more chance, but…" he frowned, "I'm pretty sure you're too far gone, now...what with this…" he waved his hands toward Caroline and Stefan frowned.

"I'm taking care of it!" He said angrily. "I said stay out of my family's business,"

"I _am_ your family. Clearly you've forgotten that! You abandoned me, us, and now it seems like you're abandoning what's best for your own son because you can't get over _her_," he yelled, pointing at Caroline again.

"Stop!" Stefan put his hands on Damon's shoulders in the hallway and walked him toward the living room. His eyes fell on Chase, who was pushing his little cars around on the couch, completely oblivious. Guilt rose in his stomach; he _knew _Damon was right, but he couldn't leave Caroline. She needed him the most now, he thought...

"Daddy," Chase smiled, bouncing on the couch. "You're home,"

"Yeah…" he whispered. "Hey, can you go in your room for a few minutes? How about you go pick out a game and we'll sit down and play it later, okay?" His voice cracked. He wanted to do right but his son; he just didn't want it badly enough. He didn't know how. Chase nodded and padded off into his bedroom obediently and the air deadened.

"It's all a game to you, isn't it? You want Mommy and Daddy's approval, so you say the right things and make everything seem better but really it's worse than it ever was…isn't it?" Damon asked slowly. "You can still leave…" he pled. "You can still take Chase and go. I want to help you…"

"I love my wife. She has some issues, but I can't leave her. If Chase and I left, she'd be worse off. What kind of example would I be if I taught Chase it was okay to just up and leave when things get hard? I can't do that to her…"

"Issues? One day Chase is going to walk in there to ask Mommy a question and she's going to be dead! Is that what you want? You want him to suffer just because you're afraid to leave her? And you're already a shit example, so nothing you could do would be worse than this…"

"I want everything to work out…and it will…but you coming in here and throwing it in her face isn't helping. It's an addiction, Damon. She can't just stop…she needs help…and we're going to get it for her. We will…"

"And until then you and Chase just deal? You know, I don't feel bad for _you_ because you're choosing this…but Chase has no clue!"

"You're a kid, Damon. I don't expect you to understand…" Stefan sighed. "Just trust me…"

"You've got to be _fucking_ kidding me!" Damon yelled. "Trust you? That hasn't happened since I was ten-years-old. I can't trust you and I'm starting to think that Chase can't either, if you're going to just leave him here with _her_," he reminded him. "You want to help Caroline? Fine, do whatever, but I'm that kid's uncle and I'm doing the uncle-thing and taking him away from here…"

"That's my kid. You can't take him," Stefan laughed. "And what the hell are you going to do with him anyway? You don't know how to raise a kid! You couldn't even take care of yourself without Mom and Dad's money!" Stefan spat back at him. Damon was right…so, so right, but he couldn't bear to believe it. They were both too stubborn for their own good. They were both too bullheaded to work through it and find some sense. Ignoring the truth was a common Salvatore problem and it would trickle down the line and land inside Chase one day, too.

"Maybe I don't know what I'm doing, but _Mom_ does," he snapped. "And you're some godsend, according to Dad. Chase is like the second coming, so there'd be no problem there," the words hurt, but in this case, he had to use them. "I'll take him there until you can get Caroline on a program, a _real_ program…" he swallowed as Stefan shook his head angrily.

"No," he said with a ridiculous, mocking laugh.

"What's the matter? Afraid Mom and Dad might find out that she's still on drugs? That's the least of your problems! What about the cops? One day someone's gonna screw up here and you're going to lose your kid…" he shook his head.

"Shut your mouth" Stefan pushed his chest and Damon staged back a few times, surprised.

"Hey man, don't push me," he raised his hands up. "I'm trying to look out for you, here. You piss me off but you're _still_ my family. I want you to pull your head out of your ass before it's too late. I'm taking him before that can happen….this is for _you…_trust me, Stef…"

"Don't you touch my kid," Stefan shoved him again, harder this time. His guilt was building and he hated it. Damon wouldn't win. Stefan was older; he was supposed to make decisions. He was supposed to raise his family. He couldn't let a punk kid come in and rip it apart, even if everything he said was right. Caroline's drugs had clouded more than her own mind. His voice sounded in a growl when Damon tried to push past him to get to Chase. "You've never even cared about him until now!" Stefan laughed. "Leave it alone…" Stefan's eyes fell down to the shadow Damon cast on the floor. Bright sunshine edged around him through the big picture window behind his brother.

"Move," Damon said, holding his hand out to keep Stefan away.

"I said you're not taking him," Stefan clasped his hands on his brother's shoulders tightly and ran him backwards. "Get out, now!"

"No," Damon smiled cockily and flattened his hair. But as his arms were stretched upward and not there to defend him, Stefan's hands shoved him hard and fast. He quickly lost balance and when Stefan shoved him again, he fell among the shards of dirty glass, through the window and down onto the cement sidewalk. He woke in the glow of the red ambulance lights, and when the throbbing started, he knew. There was no use trying anymore; his brother was gone, their connection was gone and he didn't know it then, but baseball was gone, too…

He didn't interfere again. His conscious rolled up into a tight little ball and fell asleep. Every once in a while, when he'd see his small nephew he'd feel worry and regret, but he kept his lips sealed and minded his own business. It wasn't worth the screaming when no one listened, anyway.

Years later he'd try again, but this time he wouldn't fail. He'd find his nephew, rip him away from the poisonous environment that he thought he belonged in, and bring him _home_.

* * *

"No, I'm not going to be in Monday," Damon said seriously into his cell. He paced along a bank of seats at the airport, running his hand nervously through his thick hair. "Yes, I know I've already used up my vacation days…and I know it was supposed to be my first day back..."

Elena had chewed her lip nearly raw as she watched him. Yes, she'd seen it all before; Damon's worried steps, the wild look in his eyes at that airport. From the outside, it looked like they'd pressed the rewind button and were reliving a moment from months before. Back then, Damon thought his world was ending when he'd have to take care of his nephew. He didn't think he could do it. Now the world had split in two because Chase had run away. Life was full of sick surprises, Elena knew, but they'd had quite enough and it was someone else's turn.

And although their faces looked similar to that day, their insides twisted with completely new and raw feelings. She hadn't loved them back then. She hadn't wanted to and hadn't planned on it, but it was one change of plans that she was happy about. He'd had to beg her to go with him to the airport the first time, but she'd gotten in the car faster than he had this time around. Not even the fact that she didn't have a change of clothes could stop her. There were stores for that, and for toothbrushes, too. None of that mattered now that he was off wandering by himself.

"Well I'm sorry you see it that way Finn, but I'm still not coming in," Damon's voice was rough and his brow was furrowed. He stopped in front of Elena and gave her a look of complete despair. His blue eyes were big and lost and all relationship problems aside, he trusted her to save him this time. He looked at her as if she were knew what to do or say, but she didn't. She'd gone through far worse, but this felt pretty bad right now. There were no words to calm them when she couldn't calm herself. It was a blame game and everyone had pointed the finger back at themselves. When they'd each seen so much self-centeredness in themselves, it was clear that they hadn't been selfish at all. Self-condemnation was easier than accusing someone else…even when _no_ one was truly to blame. Maybe one day they'd really understand it, but not that day. They'd be lucky if they just held it together until they got to Virginia.

His phone was still pressed up to his ear when his eyes slid shut for a moment. Finn was on him, she knew. She thought back to all the times he'd left work early to get Chase from school or pick him up after his fights. He was on thin ice at work, but this was different. No boss in their right mind would tell an employee he couldn't miss work for something _this_ big. He tipped his head back in frustration, staring up into the florescent lights. "I have to…" he said firmly. "This is my _kid_ we're talking about!" He stopped abruptly as the words registered, and when he caught her eyes, he saw what they'd done to her, too. They'd been blindsided with feelings for the boy. Damon swallowed, certain he'd meant what he'd said, and continued with a new courage, "If you're going to threaten to fire me over this, go ahead, but it won't change my mind. Chase needs me more than you do right now…" he barked and pressed the end key before he shoved the phone back into his dark jeans and plopped down in the chair beside her. "Fucker," he muttered, crossing his arms and slouching back in the soft seat. Their one carry-on bag rested below them, next to Elena's sandaled feet. "Might be coming back without a kid _and_ a job…what bullshit….that man's priorities are _allllll_ messed up," he waved his hands around in aggravation.

"I still think we should've called the police," she swallowed. "I wish I would've called the police sooner when it came to Cade," she swallowed when she saw his shoulder rise and sink quickly in a sigh. "Sorry, but I guess I'm a little more paranoid about this type of thing because of it. He's still just a kid, Damon. I have to say this. I think this is a mistake to handle it by ourselves,"

"We know he's there," he reminded her. "Adding extra people to this will make it worse,"

"You didn't actually talk to him…"she pressed her lips together, hoping they weren't about to start fighting again. They were still so delicate, but she couldn't stand by and let him think she'd just go along with everything he said.

"No, he didn't say a word, but his phone clicked on and I heard Caroline's voice. He's there, somehow. He had to have flown," he checked his watch. "Let's just do it this way, okay? I really don't want to get the police involved. You _know_ why..."

"What happened to you being so adamant about him confessing everything? You weren't allergic to the police then..."

"This is different," he said. "Very different,"

"So he's there, okay…" she smiled sadly, "He's there with his drug addict mother who left him _this_ letter," she pulled it out and her eyes scanned the text for about the tenth time in two hours.

"_Dear, Chase…I don't want it to be this way…I don't want to have screwed up priorities, but I know I do. People say I can't take care of myself let alone take care of you. I deserved to lose custody of you when I did. I barely knew day from night; I existed just to use…maybe I still do. It turns out they were right to take you away from me, but just because I can't make the right decisions for you doesn't mean that I never want to see you again…I love you, Chase…" _

Elena stopped and looked up at Damon. She folded the letter and tucked it back into the envelope. She never read the whole thing aloud. They'd read it all the way through once. They knew what it said; it was full of admissions and hidden pleas to be loved. She played the weak-mother-who-was- sorry card and he'd fallen for it, of course. He'd somehow dreamt up some stupid vision about pretending and using Damon and Elena, and left to go back to a life he thought he was supposed to live. But Caroline wasn't just a mother who'd scolded him a few too many times; she was a drug addict and possible murder who'd _never_, no matter how hard she tried, be able to be what he needed. It was only a matter of time before they'd be left to pick up the pieces all over again. It would get ugly, but once it was over, there was so much beauty in the possibility of their future.

"He thinks he deserves this," she whispered. "And I'm so sick of him blaming himself for every little thing," she shook her head. "None of it's his fault. Maybe I should've taken the time to really talk to him when I noticed him acting differently. Now I see what he was doing," she licked her lips. "He really _was_ doing it all on purpose. He was afraid of hurting me forever, so he did little things so I'd get mad and stop caring about him. But he doesn't get it. I'm always going to hurt about Cade. He's not making it worse…nothing will make it worse. If anything, he…_both of you_ have helped make it better. And when I see him I'm going to tell him that. I want to tell him that no matter what happens he will always have me…"

"Always," Damon breathed and let the word hang there. Some of the biggest broken promises had started with that word, but he couldn't let it scare him away. He wasn't sure what she meant, exactly, but the fact that she planned on at least staying in their lives was comforting enough.

"Yes," she said simply. "But right now I'm terrified that something's going to happen to him and we won't have called the police to stop it. You said it yourself, what if that drug dealer has guys out there? What if someone's just looking to hurt Caroline, somehow and see him as an opportunity?"

"Elena…" he sighed. "No police. No more of any of that for him. You were the one who didn't want him confessing and all that. Well, if he gets himself all wrapped up with the police they might start questioning him again and he's confused and sad. We know where he is…in a matter of hours we'll be right there with him. No police, please,"

"Because you think they'll take him away from you?" She swallowed. It was an honest question, but she had to ask it. "You're afraid they'll think you can't take care of him or that you did something wrong?"

"Well…yeah," he frowned.

"I don't want that either, but we can't be selfish about this. He could be in trouble. We can want all this to work out but it doesn't mean it will,"

"We…_I_ know what's best for him," he swallowed, correcting himself. 'We' and 'us' had worked themselves into their regular conversations easily, but he had to remember that the authorities wouldn't see it that way. Perhaps they'd even be a concerned at how involved Elena in some of the decision making. "They'll think what they think. It's how it works. And if that's what they decide, well, it'll be hard to change their minds."

She watched a sick expression creep over his face before he continued,

"This whole thing has really got me thinking. I don't want him in foster care and I don't want him trying to sneak off to see that bitch mother of his again," he sighed. "In fact," he paused, watching Elena's toes wiggle next to their bag. He focused on them and it made the big things he was about to say seem a little easier, "With all this stuff all up in the air about who _really_ killed the dealer…well, if my brother wasn't the one to do it, he may get out of jail sooner. He'll still be an accomplice, of course, and there's the fact that he lied to cover for her...I don't want him getting Chase back when that day comes…"

"If the truth comes out, how long would it be until…?" She frowned.

"I don't even know. And as it stands right now, we're not saying anything about it, are we?" he arched an eyebrow at her and her stomach sank. Things were changing. They both knew one day Chase would have to come out with it. Things were getting serious now, and there weren't good, solid answers for any of their questions. He nodded to himself, continuing,

"But I've already decided. I know what's best for him. I love that kid and I want custody of him," he looked up at her carefully, expecting a shocked look on her face, but he was met with a small, brave smile.

"Wow, Damon…that's huge…" she smiled as a voice on the intercom announced their row was ready to board the plane.

"And if it turns out that he's eighteen before Stefan gets out, well…he can decide who he wants to stay with, if anyone, at that point…maybe he's really just best on his own," he took her hand, pulling out their tickets again. "But he needs to know that he isn't alone and that people care enough about him _to_ fight for him for a change. I should've done something years ago, when I first noticed they were negligent…but I was a kid and afraid of losing my brother even more than I already had. Well now they've killed someone and we could've avoided all of this if I'd just been a little braver. I'm absolutely scared of everything that comes with this, but I won't screw up again,"

"Good for you, if that's what you want," she whispered. "Of course I support your decision," her heart pounded with the little extra tidbits that came along with it all. If he got custody and they stayed together and went after all those crazy things he wanted, they'd really be a family one day down the line. Maybe she didn't want her own kids again, but keeping that kid in her life forever sounded mighty okay to her.

"But I'm afraid that what we're doing right now might actually come back to bite us in the asses," she paused, checking to see if anyone was listening on the plane. "The courts might see it as irresponsible that we didn't call the police. They might think we were hiding something…"

"Well we _are_, Elena…" he whispered back. "We're all in this mess now, and we have to do the right thing. But first we need to find him and talk and figure this out. Please," he sounded tired.

When she said nothing, he let out a long, deep sigh and buckled his seatbelt. "Okay, here's the deal. We're going to call Caroline's house phone. See, we're compromising…"

"I guess…"

"You call," he suggested, pointing to her phone. "She doesn't know your number. Pretend you're Natalie and ask to speak to Chase. See what she says…if it seems like he's not there, we'll call the police." he closed his eyes. "Please, Elena. I know you don't agree with me on this but we're about to lose service here. We don't have time to argue anymore,"

"Okay," she sighed, grabbing Damon's phone for Caroline's number. She pressed the send key quickly and held her breath through three rings before a woman answered. Her heart stopped at the sound of Caroline's voice. She took a shaky breath, running her hand through her long hair in panic.

"Is…can I talk to Chase, please?" She frowned, turning toward Damon.

"Who is this?" her voice was sweeter than Elena had imagined. She cringed at the sound.

"Natalie," she said quickly. "I'm like, you know, Chase's girlfriend…" Damon slapped his forehead and Elena raised her eyebrows in a silent apology. "So…is he there, or what?"

"Just a minute," she said carefully, setting the phone down.

"Well what did you _want_ me to say?" She shrugged, smiling. "Besides, I think it worked. I think he's there," she mouthed to a Damon as she pulled the phone away from her mouth. She heard some mumbling and strained to listen.

"Uh, why didn't you call my cell phone?" He asked immediately, before she could speak. A rush of happiness floated over Elena. Her eyes stung with tears of relief.

"Chase…" the word broke as it fell from her lips.

"Elena?" She could hear the frown of confusion in his voice

"Ma'am, I'm going to have to ask you to turn that off now," the flight attendant said as the plane started to roll away from the gate.

"Hey," Damon unbuckled himself and stood. "This is important. Just give her a minute okay?"

"I'm sorry, sir, but this is for safety and I can't make exceptions. Have a seat," she said firmly, pointing at his seat.

"Are you okay, Chase…" Elena plugged her ear and strained to hear the boy on the other side, but out of the corner of her eye she saw Damon starting to move from his seat.

"Just give her a _minute!_" Damon's voice rose and her eyes widened and tugged him down quickly.

"I have to go…stay there…" she whispered into the phone before hanging it up. But her throat stung with worry that there really was more going on than they'd originally feared.

"Sir, if you can't calm down I'm going to have to ask you to leave the plane," she said, and it was a warning they couldn't afford to ignore.

"Everything is _fine_," Elena smiled at the flight attendant. "I'm sorry. He's overtired," she touched his face and nodded for him to go along with it.

"Yeah…sorry…" he mumbled and the attendant walked away. "Bitch,"

"He's there..." she swallowed and he breathed a sigh of relief. "Damon…." She sighed. "I really don't think I can handle this by myself, so _please_ keep your mouth shut. I can't have you kicked off this plane."

"You'd still go?"

"Yes…." Her heart pounded as she realized. "I think I'd do anything for you," she breathed the promise. "And I'd probably be in for more than I expected. I have no idea what I'm up against. Caroline sounds manipulative and desperate. And Chase mentioned visiting his Dad. I don't know much about Stefan at all. I've never even seen a picture of him," she frowned as she realized, "But if I ever do meet him, I'm going to have to bite my tongue for a lot of reasons,"

"Please don't," he laughed. "Let him have it! But you can talk until you're out of breath and he still won't get it," he shrugged. "He's so wrapped up in Caroline…maybe it's time he sees what a good woman is like," he felt her head crash onto his shoulder and he smiled.

They were a mere five hours from landing. They were set to rent a car and they'd have to drive an hour before they got to Mystic Falls. It would be dinner time in Virginia by the time they got there. It was going to be a long day. Elena was grateful she'd taken vacation that week, but she'd have missed work, too, if she'd had to. Nothing could've kept her from bringing Chase home.

* * *

Chase lay on his old, childhood bed and stared up at the familiar brown spot on his ceiling. He hadn't lived there in four years, but in some ways it felt like not a day had passed. It still smelled musty and the window was still cracked. The walls were too thin and he could hear everything said out in the kitchen, as he had hundreds of times when his parents had argued. His headphones rested loosely in his ears, but he couldn't get himself to turn on his iPod and block out the conversations this time. His mother was out there with two, dirty looking men, and it didn't take a scientist to figure out what was going on. He'd snuck into his room when she'd wrapped her arms around the neck of the taller one; when would she learn that drug dealers _weren't_ the right type of man for her? But they had the one thing she needed and they didn't frown on her for it. In her own mind, they were the _only_ type of man for her.

"So you're a mom again, or what?" Chase sat up a little as a deep voice penetrated his walls.

"Yeah, a bad one," she said seriously. "Now give me my shit and go. You can't stay today,"

"I see," Chase heard the man's sick laugh, "Trying to shake us now, huh? You better be nice or I won't come around here anymore…"

"Oh, baby…always empty threats. We both know you always come back," her voice was playful and Chase's stomach churned at the thought of it. Caroline was a mess in so many ways. Was she sleeping with this one now, too? Hadn't she learned the first time after she'd probably _killed_ her first drug dealer boyfriend? Did these guys know him? Were they all friends?

He felt blood rushing to his face and anger boiling in his veins. He was not only disappointed in Caroline's choices; he was furious. People make mistakes. People struggle with addictions. But if she was so _'sorry'_ for everything she'd done to him like her letter had implied, she wouldn't be making the same stupid mistakes over and over again. It was no wonder she couldn't shake her habit. Rehab didn't stand a chance of working when she was practically sleeping with cocaine.

He turned his music on and reached into his pocket, pulling out a picture of Damon and Elena. He thought of the terrified sound of her voice when she'd called and it broke his heart. He hadn't even been gone 24 hours and he already missed them. Now his _real_ mother was out in the kitchen with drug dealers and he'd heard enough. He woke a few hours later and listened to make sure the men were gone before he left his room. He buzzed with awareness as he stepped into the kitchen. He wasn't sure what he expected, but it wasn't what he found.

* * *

"You're still here," a cautious smile spread across Caroline's face as she pulled a can of soda out of her fridge and sat down at the table. She looked clean and normal, and it would be all too easy to fall for all of it. It was almost 5 p.m. and he threw a few pieces of white bread into the toaster for dinner. Meals weren't fancy there, but it was food. He stood in silence for a moment until his dinner popped up, then spread a thick square of butter into the hot bread and watched it melt.

"Thought you might have changed your mind and left," she continued as he poured himself some orange juice and sat down across from her.

"Still here, mom," he swallowed. He'd been alone with his thoughts for too long. "I'm here _visiting_…" he clarified. At first it had seemed legitimate that he'd stay away from Damon and Elena forever, but as he'd flown across the country with his mother by his side, the probability of that lessened. A tiny part of him even regretted his decision or the fact that he'd lied to the two people who honestly cared about him. He was missing his baseball tournament, something he truly cared about, because he'd felt the need to accept his real lot in life. By the time they'd reached Mystic Falls, he'd already decided there was no way he was going to stay with his mother long-term.

His letter had led them to believe he wasn't coming back, but he knew the courts wouldn't let him stay with Caroline. He also knew there was no way in hell Damon and Elena would actually listen to his request to leave him alone. So it wasn't forever, but he also didn't want to put a timeframe on it. A lot of things had to happen before he could go back to the place he really wanted to call home.

He watched his mother carefully, waiting for signs, waiting for a clue that she'd just used or she was just about to. Nothing had truly changed, he knew; her letter had made it clear that when given the choice, she'd still choose cocaine over everything else. She'd mentioned checking herself into a rehab center for a week when Stefan had gone to prison, but it really wasn't anything new. He remembered the last few times she'd gotten out of rehab. Things had looked up for a few days, but they'd come crashing down just as quickly. He couldn't trust her, he knew. _That_ hadn't changed, either. But his mother was a weak woman who was truly alone for the first time in her life. Drug dealer boyfriend aside; she'd lost the people who _really_ loved her. He had a few things to say to her; some good, some bad, but he had to say them soon, because there was always the chance that the next time he'd see her would be at her funeral.

"I wish you could stay," she was a shell of a woman who _knew_ what she'd chosen in life. If Chase was supposed to be her savior so many years ago…if he was supposed to change her life, it hadn't worked. Now her son was smack dab in the middle of too many horrible things and she didn't have the strength and willpower to seek real, long-term treatment. She'd accepted her place in life, and truly believed she'd be nothing more than a victim to the beast for the rest of her life.

"I can't," he shook his head. "I'm here to check on you, since Dad…" he swallowed, remembering the desperate look in his father's eyes…the way he'd wiped the statue and blood on himself that night. He had a lot of questions to ask her, but there were certain things he didn't _want_ to know.

He was still a fourteen-year-old boy who wished his family was boring and normal. He was still torn between absolutely hating what he'd been given in life and seeing it as something he could learn from. It had only been a few months since everything had happened, but life with Damon and Elena had spoiled him, he thought. They treated him right….maybe _too_ right. They weren't his parents but they put him first every single time and he wasn't used to it. All those kids who complained about their parents being in their business all the time had absolutely no idea how lucky they were. If things were different and he hadn't hurt them so badly, there wasn't a chance in hell he'd ever have left them. His conscious told him he'd hurt them by leaving, too, but the bigger part of his adolescent mind just kept screaming that he was making things worse for them more by staying. They needed a little time to themselves before he stormed back in. Suddenly, though, the thought of losing them forever hurt worst of all.

And because he'd learned just how much they sacrificed every day to take care of him, it was sickeningly clear how much his mother and father _hadn't_. He could love them, but he could never trust his real parents again. He didn't want to hurt anyone, really, but if he had to choose, he'd save Damon and Elena every time. They needed each other more than they needed him, and as much as he didn't want to admit it, he was afraid he'd really destroy them if he didn't leave for a while. When he'd go back, he'd be more cautious and kind. He was still a teenager, but he'd remember to put them first when he should and not take them for granted if they ever got the chance to try it all again without all the pain.

"Those men…who were they?" he asked slowly and she felt guilt swimming in the pit of her stomach. She really _was_ weak; she couldn't own up to her own actions, yet she still chose them, every time. "Your boyfriend…your dealers?"

She fell silent and he knew he'd hit the nail on the head. He was a Salvatore and enjoyed being right, but oh how he wanted to be wrong, just one time.

"That's what I thought. I wish things were different, Mom, but they aren't. I won't be here forever. I'll be going back to Damon, but I'm here to talk now," he swallowed. "So let's hurry up and talk, huh?"

"Damon hates me," she said, but it wasn't a surprise. His uncle never spoke highly of her, but he never flat out ripped her to pieces in front of him either. "He's been pointing fingers at me for years, blaming me for ruining things with Stefan, blaming me for how you were raised. I've never heard him take responsibility for anything…"

Chase swallowed, unsure of how to answer. She was walking a wire and it was already wobbling. He knew his mother; if he said or did the wrong thing, she'd fall onto her big white trampoline of cocaine and bounce away to a place bigger and more important than her real life. She looked so good just then, but if he babied her he'd be Stefan and he no longer held the dream of being like his father. Stefan was no one's hero anymore.

"I don't really know a lot about when I was little, but I know that Damon wasn't around much after I was a baby. I get that you don't like each other, but I like him and he takes care of me. I still care about _you_, Mom…I don't want you to do this to yourself anymore. That's why I'm here right now…you have to stop. I'm begging you,"

"It's not that easy, Chase," she shook her head. They'd never had a real conversation about her drug addictions. He'd never wanted answers…he'd just accepted it was the way she was because Stefan had made it seem normal. Life with Damon and Elena was by no means 'normal' but it was fun and safe. "It's not so easy to get past or walk away from. I've tried,"

"You walked away from me awfully easily, Mom," he said honestly, and for a second, he felt like a man. He felt like Damon when stood up against Giuseppe.

"Chase, it's an addiction…I need it," she stuffed the words in before he could finish his thoughts. And the depressing scene continued to play out before him he remembered how it felt to be overlooked or pushed aside. He had to be tough; he'd chosen this, after all. These games were self-inflicted and he had to be the man he wanted to be and stand up even when he wanted to slam his head down on the table and cry. A woman who'd known him but a few months knew how to calm him down, but his mother's words were razor sharp and she didn't even realize it.

"I needed you, Mom," he smiled sadly. "Dad and I both did…now I have neither of you," His eyes shot around to the messy kitchen. A leaky faucet dripped in an annoying rhythm, sending the iron-tasting water down the drain. He focused on that as he waited for apologies that would never come.

"We took care of you…over and over again. Even after you were divorced, Dad babied you…" They were things that he could never say in a letter or over the phone. His eyes held fire but he wasn't so sure she even saw it. "But you're still on drugs. You're still messed up. Now he's in prison for…." He stopped before he took it too far, and pulled his baseball hat off, setting it on the table. "It feels like nothing we did was even worth it,"

"You're smart," she said slowly. "And you're big…" her voice cracked with emotion he didn't see in her face. She was Jekyll and Hyde and once she got her fix, he'd lose any chance he had of convincing her how bad things were in her life. "And I'm missing it,"

"Yeah," his answer was rough and quick. He couldn't let the sensitivity that tried to leak from her voice get to him. His mother's biggest enemy was herself, and try as she might, she'd never overcome the dark side. He was slow to accept it, but it was old news to her. "And I wish you weren't, but I can't live like this. They were right to take you away from me. I love you because you're my Mom, and I wish you could remember that before you use. But I know you never will, and sometimes I wish I just didn't feel anything," they were twisted and dark thoughts for a kid his age. He should be covered in baseball dirt and laughing with his friends or feeling awkward around Natalie…anything but _this_. He was waiting for nothing. Who was he torturing, his mother or himself?

"You know, I've been doing this stuff for years, before you were born, even…" she said and he frowned. "But now I'm by myself and I realize all I have left is my addiction. I'm working on it. I can still feel sad about it, you know,"

"Me too…but you need real help," he breathed, sipping his juice. "Both you and Dad need real help," he fingers started to fiddle with nothing on the table and his eyes widened. There was his sign, the itching need burning in her system. It was written all over her face. He pressed on; she needed to hear it. "I started thinking I should just own up to and accept this…that this is how I'm meant to live…but I have seen the other side of life and Damon's right, I don't deserve this,"

"Chase…you called _me_. You asked me to meet you at the airport…to fly you home, here! You could've told them you didn't want to fly with me or that we aren't supposed to be together, but you didn't. You wanted this!"

"Yes…because I just had to check on you…just once," he shook his head. "And I've screwed a lot of things up back in LA and that needs to just settle a little. I hurt people, everywhere I go. People _love_ me now, and they treat me right, but I've hurt them…and I know why. I was raised to be selfish and I'm trying _so_ hard not to be because I don't want to be _you_," he bit out. He was moments away from implosion.

"I'm your kid but I don't like what you're doing. I wish you were different but you never will be. I left a good life with good people and flew across the country for you. I probably scared the shit out of them for _you_," he said as she stood up and touched her face, ready to go in the other room and take her bump.

"Them?" She asked and her voice cracked.

"Damon and Elena," he swallowed, "_Them_,"

She parted her lips, as if to speak an apology, but the words never came. Instead her hands rubbed together nervously and she eyed her way out of the kitchen. She was being replaced, she realized. The thought drove her crazy, as irresponsible and thoughtless as she normally was. It pushed her over the edge; she needed her comfort.

He closed his eyes and his heart dropped as she went. He was losing her all over again, and he was melancholy, to say the least.

He pulled out his phone and looked through the missed calls. Damon and Elena had each called him five times an hour, every hour. And then there was that call from Elena. He knew what they were doing. She'd said 'stay there.' They were on their way, and considering that his mom was in the other room choosing a bag of white powder over her own estranged son, he was glad for it. He had an ego but he knew he was wrong and he'd be apologizing for a long time for this one, if they'd take him back.

Caroline reappeared ten minutes later all wound up and wide-eyed. A crazy, elated smile stretched across her face but it was manufactured, he knew, and the ugliest thing he'd ever seen.

"You know, I hate this…" he said seriously. "But it's probably a good thing you're honest with me. I just needed to see that again. I just needed a reminder," he swallowed, but his rant was interrupted with a knock at the door. In an instant, she was at the door and Chase was cursing himself for what would inevitably play out when he tried to leave again.

* * *

Damon stepped up to the door and knocked again. He felt the side of Elena's head press against his arm, waiting. "Just so you know…this isn't going to be pretty if she starts something," he warned her. "I promise nothing about my temper," he stopped talking abruptly as the door swung open and a very bright and strung out Caroline appeared before them. Her big pupils gave her away. She blinked a few times then smiled; she couldn't read between the lines. Her euphoria wouldn't let her see the bad. She was on top of the world because her son had chosen _her_.

"Awesome. Nothing's changed. Now where is he?" Damon bit out sarcastically and moved to push her aside.

Her eyes found Elena, who had fallen wordless faster than she would've wished. "Pick of the week, Damon?" the words burst from her mouth and she laughed at herself.

"Hardly," Elena managed, stretching her hand out in an effort to form some sort of truce until they could get Chase out. Every inch of her body ached as she processes that the jittery, high woman in front of her was Chase's mother. He'd been raised by _this_. She'd stay even keeled-for a while, but she'd lose her temper, too, if need be.

"I'm Elena," her heart pounded. "Damon's girlfriend,"

"Hmmm…." Caroline laughed. "Interesting….now leave," her eyes went cold, but lacked the protectiveness of a real mother, Elena thought.

"Still pleasant as ever," Damon growled at her. "Now where's my kid?"

"_Your_ kid?" Caroline spat. "Oh, that's a good one," she smirked. "Little, careless Damon's got himself a pretend little family here…" _God, was she Giuseppe or what?_ Elena thought. No wonder they got along! "Sorry to hurt these new 'feelings' you've found…" she smiled. "But my son wanted to come home with _me._ He's done with you," Her arms stretched across the doorframe, blocking the path inside. "And _you_, apparently," she arched an eyebrow at Elena, who shifted her feet to distract herself.

"You better get the hell out of my way. Stef-y isn't here to save you this time," Damon warned, placing his hands on her wrists and slowly lowering them to her sides so he could get through. "It's a little late to go all mother of the year on Chase now, and you're not fooling _us_, so….move,"

"I don't think so. You better watch it. I'm not as weak as I look you know," she arched her eyebrows. "And I said you're not coming in and you're _not_ taking my son,"

Elena swallowed. She knew what was coming from the dark look in his eyes. That wild thumping was visible in his strong neck his fists were balled tightly. He was about to say something stupid, she knew; there was absolutely no stopping him when it came to the boy he had come to love as a son.

And in the background, Elena saw him. Chase was red-faced and sweat-soaked. She could feel the heat and humidity from inside the house. He looked sad and uncomfortable and regretful. She wanted nothing more than to pull him into her arms and cry until he understood what he'd done by leaving, but Damon was on a rampage and she was torn in two. Did she run to one or stand by and calm the other? She hoped she'd never have to choose again….

Damon's voice was ragged and rough as he spoke. He'd say things he could never take back. His heart pounded and he looked Caroline right in her pretty eyes as he delivered the blow.

"What are you going to do if I don't leave, Caroline?"

"Okay Damon…" Elena rested her hand on his shoulder. "Look there's Chase, everything's fine…"

"No really, Elena," he laughed. A dangerous, knowing smile crossed his face, "I want to know. What's she gonna do if I don't leave? _Kill me_?"

* * *

**A/N: I really wanted to spend some quality time on that first flashback because it really is important. We've kind of scooted around that piece of information, but in order to draw the true parallels that I wanted to for this chapter, I wanted to land us there, right in the middle and show just how Chase really **_**has**_** changed his life.**

**Chase started out so brave and self-sacrificing until he really saw how very powerless he is when it comes to his mother. It's going to be interesting to watch them try to rebuild. They aren't leaving Virginia right away, so get ready for that. I decided to take the slow approach with Caroline and the other characters. Next chapter things will really start to explode. ****Thanks for reading and for the reviews. So interested to hear thoughts Caroline and what you think is to come. Find me on twitter: newsgirl1983**


	18. Breathe Me

**A/N: Woah, sorry! Thanks for your patience as it took me forever to write this chapter. I've been low on free time, but so anxious to work on this.**

**This chapter is heavy in places and light in others. It may go in a direction that is different than some of you figured, but you'll see that it has to. There are no immediate plans for them to leave Virginia yet, so have a seat and get comfortable**

**I've chosen Sia's "Breate Me" for this chapter. It's a pretty melody with some fragile words and I couldn't get it out of my head as I wrote this out.**

**Thank you so much for the reviews and alerts. I really appreciate your time.**

* * *

**All At Once**

**Chapter 17: Breathe Me**

_Kill me? _The words rattled in Caroline's colorful head. The bad medicine buzzing in her system told her she was paranoid; Damon knew nothing about that night. He couldn't!

But she was back and forth now, as it rushed through her brain, consuming her. Her drug was her friend…it was the only she friend she had since Stefan had gone. She loved it unconditionally for the way it made her feel. Every tidbit of guilt that crept up when she was sober was blared away by the power of one snort. Her conscious was gone too easily and too soon. In her heart, she knew she'd never have room to fully love anything or any_one_ else. She had accepted that long ago; she just couldn't stand the fact that Damon Salvatore was standing in front of her pointing it out again.

"What'd you say to me?" She snapped big eyes tunneled to only see Damon. His strong jawline jerked in a familiar fashion as he was seconds away from tearing her down. He wasn't like the rest of his family, she knew. He'd never liked her and he never would. This was an 'I told you so' opportunity for him in her eyes and frankly, she wasn't in the mood. He mouthed off all the time. Surely his choice of words was just coincidental…

Her eyes dropped to his clenched fists and she smirked. Yep, he was the same hotheaded little brother she remembered from years ago. In her clean spells, she'd found him arrogant and childish, though her judgment held no weight. He had the coldest blue eyes she'd ever seen and they froze her in place, even now. "Come on, _what'd _you say?" The words shot out of her like a bullet, almost _too_ fast. He'd come at a perfect time, she thought. If she'd been sober she'd have never stood a chance. She was a fantastic liar but she never lied to herself.

Chase was a ball of nerves behind her.

_Kill me?_ The words leveled him, threw ideas in his head that he didn't want to believe.

He knew his uncle. Damon would _never_ betray his trust. He'd seen him in a lot of tough situations, but he'd never heard this edge to his voice. The rumors were true; Caroline and Damon were like bleach and ammonia. Their level of toxicity was lethal.

"I said give me my kid," he repeated, dodging the subject. He waited a beat before a nasty smile crept over his lips. He wanted to win so badly. He wanted to throw everything out on the table, for her to know she could be hours away from spending years, possibly life in prison for a crime his brother had more than likely covered up.

"Not that," she barked, eyes blazing. "The other part…"

He smiled wickedly, ready to strike, but the voice of reason came to him in the form of Chase, who he noticed for the first time since their arrival. The newest, brightest parts of Damon's heart held him back from screaming out 'murder' at the top of his lungs.

Months ago he'd have snapped up the chance to ruin her, but his nephew's safety and happiness came first now. He couldn't betray the one person who'd taught him how to love like a father. His attention caught on Chase, the very reason he still had to deal with Caroline. His heart broke for the boy who thought he deserved this bitch of mother.

"Guys, don't…." he said softly.

He looked tired and ashamed, he thought, but Chase was so unreadable some days that he could very well have been completely off target. His fists unclenched and he felt the tension leave his body for a minute. The kid was okay...Elena was okay…they'd all go home find a way to just be okay…

They'd been through enough; high or not, it wasn't right of him to tease information he knew. He felt Elena's hand touch the small of his back and he exhaled slowly. The pressure was reassuring. _She_ was reassuring. He'd faced Caroline dozens of times but he'd never had someone on his side…an outsider who could see just how crazy she really was. If he could shout anything at the top of his lungs, it'd be 'I love you!'

"Mom…" Chase pled softly, resting his hand on her bony shoulder before speaking again. She turned to him, eyes wide and dark and his stomach dropped. She was up now, flying high and wild but it only lasted so long. She'd be wallowing again in about 20 minutes, pretending to have a reason to wait before she took another hit. There was no telling when it would happen or what she'd do when it did. Waiting was the worst part. Sometimes she cried, others she fell completely silent.

His hand was frozen on her frail shoulder as he searched for something, anything real in her eyes. His mother had to be in there somewhere. He just wanted to talk to her once, just once so he could really tell her how he felt. He was disappointed in her. He had no faith in her. He was done blaming himself. He had to walk away.

She smiled, but it was mechanical and completely void of real emotion. He felt nothing from her, saw nothing in her eyes and it hurt. Then he saw it…the slow, sick trail of blood from her nose…

His heart sank. She was that fallen star, the broken promise waiting to happen. The drugs hadn't fried her completely; she was manipulative. He'd once been too naïve and young to understand the ways she twisted and turned her words to make people feel sorry for her. He'd spent years sympathizing with her 'problems,' and to a point that was okay. He wasn't willing to stop caring about her, but as the years ticked on and he got older he realized she was her own worst enemy. It wouldn't stop until _she_ made it stop. She had to be willing and she simply wasn't. How was it that he could see it but a grown man like his father was still behind rose-tinted glasses?

A quick image of Stefan in an orange jumpsuit flickered in his mind. Was he the only one in his immediate family with sense? He was grateful for the interruption when Damon spoke again.

"Which part is that, Caroline?" His voice was cocky, knowing. He'd never been one to keep his mouth shut when he had big information. He lived to deliver crushing blows; it was one of the reasons Finn kept him around for so long. He was blunt and unafraid to say the hard things people didn't want to hear, but he was smooth talker at other times, and won the hearts and signatures of the people he _did_ want.

Chase coughed nervously drawing Damon's attention. His emerald eyes were big and afraid as he silently begged him to stop. Damon would never dream of blowing the biggest secret of Chase's life. They'd gotten into arguments about it before, but they'd agreed to leave it alone. As far as he knew, that's where it stood. When it came right down to it, he just wasn't stable enough to start pulling all those memories out of his mind.

Damon read his plea loud and clear. Good or bad, wrong or right, there were just some things that had to hold on for a little while longer. Chase had been through enough; he didn't need additional drama that day. He'd done it to himself but he was a confused kid who thought he was doing the right thing. It wasn't time to analyze exactly _which_ parenting move he'd made wrong. There'd be plenty of time for questions later. He mentally reminded himself to ban the headphones for the entire flight home.

"Go ahead, Caroline. _Try_ and stop me. You won't win this time," the words came out icy and firm. "It's not worth fighting me," Chase swallowed as he listened. His throat ached with sorrow as his eyes shifted from Damon to Elena. Emotion pooled in her now glassy brown eyes and threatened to spill down her cheeks with another look from either of them. She was a walking, talking ball of emotion and though it got tricky sometimes, he loved that he always knew what she felt. She'd been real with him, even from the start. He appreciated her honesty because he'd gone years without it. Someone completely non-existent from his life had become a staple, an actual role-model, and regardless of the little issues he'd created between them, her eyes blazed with love for both him _and _Damon. There was no middle ground. One woman manufactured her emotions and the other let them direct her life.

He recalled the letter. He'd done and said so many things to upset them, but especially Elena. This was his family and his problem, but he wished more than anything that he could just pull Elena aside and reel back all the ways he'd hurt her. His lips turned up in an apologetic smile and he saw her eyes shine. It was all he could do just then, but there'd need to be more elaboration later, when they had real time and his coked out Mom wasn't spitting words at his uncle.

"You know, you come into _my_ town, to _my_ house to take back _my_ son….and you act as if you didn't need an invitation," she sent out a quick cackle. Damon's temper couldn't hold out much longer, Chase knew. They needed a referee and he'd have to be it.

"Mom, just let them in," Chase stepped down from the door and in between them. "Please,"

"See, the kid knows what's good for him _now,_" Damon emphasized, raising his eyebrows to indicate he hadn't forgotten _why_ they were all in Mystic Falls instead of Los Angeles. "You're fried and you have the intelligence of about a 10 year old right now, so listen to the boy and get the hell out of our way,"

He felt a little pressure from Elena's hand and he turned back to her. "What?"

"I don't think she can really appreciate your attitude right now…" she whispered. "I'm sure there's a better way…"

But Caroline spoke as if no one had interrupted anyone. She had a few invalid points to make and she wanted everyone to hear them. Perhaps even the neighbors, as she was loud enough.

"Wow. This whole Daddy thing has really got you crazy," she laughed, sending her cold, dry hand down her son's face. He frowned, pulling away from her a little and dropping his foot down to the cement step. He stood between them now; he _had_ to. Damon knew things about Caroline that her own son probably didn't, but Chase knew what his mother was like when she was strung out. He agreed that he needed to leave, but the showdown that was seconds away from happening probably _shouldn't_ when she was this out of control. "Too bad you're not good enough at it to keep him around,"

"Or maybe we're _too_ good at it," Damon smirked. He was winning, he knew, but he also knew that it was like playing a game with a two-year-old. It wasn't so fulfilling when the other person wasn't absorbing the message at all. "You know what I think? I think he came here on the slight inkling that you'd finally decided you wanted to be a mother….

"I think you're blind if you can't see that this kid loves you unconditionally. I think you're using him. The only reason you wrote that letter is because you don't want to be alone and deep down you know you are. You know you can say the right things and push the right buttons and make him feel guilty…"

Chase swallowed and dipped out of the way. There was no stopping this now. Damon's mouth was on overdrive and he actually felt grateful. His uncle was doing and saying the things Stefan had never had the courage to. Maybe it was easier for him, because he hated Caroline, but when it came right down to it, it was right versus wrong. Stefan _knew_ Caroline was wrong yet he defended her. He never once chose his son over her. Damon wasn't even his father, not even Giuseppe's, son and he dropped everything the second he found out Chase was gone. The differences were striking. Damon had his issues but _he_ was the kind of man Chase wanted to be; strong, protective, loving…

"You're a fucking _puppet_ _master_!" He yelled. "Everyone's just gliding along with what you want because they're afraid you'll fall off the deep end, but you know what? You're going to _anyway!_ What happens when tomorrow Chase wakes up and you _don't_? You're a waste of air, and frankly it'd be easier on everyone if you just…."

"Okay Damon, that's just too far now…" Elena's voice was a warning, but only because she hated the look of fear on Chase's face. Caroline probably deserved every little bite Damon was taking out of her, but there were still lines. Chase wasn't an adult and he'd already bared witness to too many other arguments in their time together. This was never going to be easy, she knew, but it didn't have to be so offensive, either. Damon hadn't even cast himself as far as he could go, she was sure, but she had to do her part to reel him back in a little before he said something he'd regret.

"Come on Chase, let's take a walk or something…" she suggested. The boy's gaze shifted from Damon to Caroline to Elena, and his feet carried him out of the middle of the blowout and toward her loving eyes. "I've never been to Virginia…maybe we could go somewhere for ice cream,"

Caroline's hand flew out and grabbed her son around the elbow roughly, yanking him back toward her. "You are _not_ going anywhere with her!"

"Ow! Geez, Mom," he frowned and rubbed the back of his arm.

But his pain went unheard. She was too busy controlling to actually hear the concern in the other woman's voice; she wouldn't have wanted to admit the amount of love it leaked, anway.

Elena _was_ thinking of Chase and how having an argument like this in front of him may do more harm than good. Damon and Elena had nothing to prove to _him_. It was clear from his letter than he understood how much they loved him. And although it was still hard to say by looking at him if he regretted leaving or not, she could tell he needed to be anywhere but there.

"Hey, don't take your anger out on him," Elena's voice was soft but pleading. She'd always thought she was smack dab in the middle of places she shouldn't be when it came to the Salvatore family, but she couldn't stay silent this go-around. Even though it had been years since someone called her "Mommy," she was still Cade's mother and she couldn't stand the way Caroline mistreated her own son. She wasn't passing an unfair judgment; she'd only seen the woman one time but she already fit the bill.

"What was your name again? Elena?" Caroline squinted in mock thought. "What makes you think you have any say in what happens here?"

"She's with me. Chase is with me…." Damon said slowly. Unlike Chase, he was completely unfazed by her altered state of mind. She'd been high more often than not when it came to their interactions; it was nothing new, unfortunately.

"Caroline, please. It doesn't have to be this way…" she began.

"No!" She laughed. "It doesn't. As far as I can see you're nobody," she grabbed Elena's left hand and gawked at her ring finger. "There's no ring on your finger so you won't be a part of this family anytime soon. So why don't you remember that and leave…" it came out as a demand.

"I know what I am," she arched an eyebrow, gaining confidence. "I don't need labels and flashy rings to know what I mean to them," she waved her hands between the Salvatore men. "I'm not dependent on anyone…I'm _here_ because I want to be."

"And she's got a smart mouth," Caroline snapped. "Maybe _too_ smart…"

"I'm biting my tongue," Elena warned. "There are so many things I want to say to you right now but I can't justify wasting my breath when you're all chalked up,"

"Nice one…" she reached out and patted her on the shoulder. "Really, she's so sweet, Damon," Caroline's eyes teased the man before her, mocking him.

"Mom…" Chase placed his hands on each of Caroline's shoulders and met her big eyes. "Stop,"

"You wouldn't do that, would you? You wouldn't really go off with some woman you barely know and leave me here like this…"

Chase swallowed. She was good at planting guilt. It would be easy to just grab his bag and head out the door with Damon and Elena but his mother deserved to truly understand why. She needed to actually be clean and see the difference between how they treated him and how she did. That couldn't happen if she was high. Now wasn't a good time to ask her for clarity. He'd have to choose between them again. He'd done it before, and Caroline argued that he'd really chosen her. But a clear, common sensed human that read his letter could see it was the other way around. He'd left Damon and Elena to 'save' them, he thought. He'd chosen _them_ all along. He wouldn't choose any differently this time around; he'd just make sure he didn't hurt feelings in the process.

He sighed. He knew exactly what Caroline was like when she was high and exactly what he had to do to fix it. He wanted to run with Elena. He wanted to leave his wicked, drug-abusing mother to fend for herself simply because he never _had…_no one ever had. She knew what to do to fix herself, too, but she'd use her weaknesses to guilt someone into staying, every time.

He was too young and too good to know what would help her come down, but he'd been doing it on and off for two years, ever since he found her snorting cocaine on the porch in front of the neighbors. He lived with Stefan but visited her frequently. She was a weakness for both of them, but only one had overcome it, it seemed.

She was stupid and careless and he'd babied her long enough. This would be it. This would be the very last time he picked up the pieces for her. It was the most adult decision he'd ever make and he was glad he wasn't alone.

"Mom, it's okay. Just go back in the house and rest," he sighed. "I won't leave for Los Angeles yet, okay? I'm just going to talk with Damon and Elena for a while. I won't go until you're…_you_ again…" he frowned. "Please, Mom…" he looked up at her. But she shook her head quickly. His young heart ached, but when he looked at Elena it almost hurt worse. Her words and her tears ran through his mind. She'd have done anything to spend one more second with her son, he knew, but Caroline bluntly reported that she could never choose him over her addictions. He didn't need a replacement, per say. He didn't need a new mother; he was old enough to accept his life. No matter what he did he couldn't forget where he came from. What he'd come to realize, however, was that he wasn't stuck. He could escape; he'd leave with two people who actually wanted a life with him and he'd make something of himself that defied everything fate had wanted him to be.

"I'm more me now than ever," she said loudly. "No one understands…"

"Yes we do," Chase shook his head sadly. "Now come on, Mom. Let's go inside and I'll help you,"

"Chase, don't…" Damon begged.

"This is the last time…" he swallowed. "We need to talk but not tonight. She's not okay…trust me. Nothing will change if you yell and scream tonight…" he knew his mother better than anyone. They had to force her to stay clean if they wanted to accomplish anything. "I've got this…"

Chase swiped away the trail of blood from Caroline's nose with his index finger and wiped it on his shirt. Elena swallowed thickly at the sight.

Their relationship was so sad; a young boy obligated to care for his mother when she did nothing to care for him. Did she even have a job? How did she have money for her addiction? She'd heard of people who spent almost $7000 a month just on drugs….

She watched as Chase turned his mother around toward the house gently and led her inside. He walked her to the bathroom and lowered her to sit on the toilet lid. They watched from the kitchen as his shaky hand found the medicine cabinet easily and he pulled down a brown, unlabeled bottle from the top shelf. With a quick twist of the lid and a few shakes, he produced a 2mg long white tablet and placed it in her hand. He filled a blue plastic cup with water from the dirty, leaky bathroom faucet and closed his eyes. He'd done it dozens of times but he still couldn't watch. He knew it was wrong, but what choice did he have?

"Jesus…" Damon breathed almost inaudibly, and Elena understood. Chase was helping her with her crash by giving her _more_ drugs. She definitely didn't have a prescription for whatever pills those were either, he knew. Now she had her kid partaking in illegal activities, too. He blinked a few times and turned to Elena, whose teeth worked her lower lip in worry.

Chase walked to the kitchen wordlessly and pulled out a gallon of milk. Thankful it was still in date, he poured a tall glass and walked back into the bathroom. With each movement he made it was clear; he _couldn't_ come back to this environment. If it turned out Caroline was the real murderer and Stefan got out of jail sooner, he couldn't come back to this place. It was only a matter of time before someone pulled some string and tried the self-defense card. Caroline's brain cells were barely hanging on; she could claim insanity. It was a risk Damon wasn't willing to take.

He was confident in his decision to seek custody. Chase's parents were equally dangerous in different ways. Somehow, Chase had inherited what little common sense his parents had and he wanted it to stay that way. But he was still young and impressionable and there was always a chance he'd get pushed too far. He already knew the methods to come down…

"Okay, Mom…" he sighed, handing her a chalky round antacid tablet and taking the empty glass from her hands. "I'll start the water for your shower…then you should lie down…" he sighed, defeated. "Don't get angry with me, but I'm going to leave with Damon and Elena for a little while. We'll come back before we go home, okay? But only if you promise to stay clean so we can really talk,"

He knew every trick in the book and it broke their hearts. Their teenage lives were rough but nothing like this. They were seconds away from being completely swallowed by the moment. They were watching a terribly depressing documentary, they told themselves. This couldn't be real.

"You are home…" her voice was cracked and depressed and her eyes locked on the small baggie of powder in her open medicine cabinet. She stood and reached, but he blocked her.

"No…I'm not," he answered softly. "No more drugs, Mom…" he pled, pulling the bag out of the cabinet. It was open and swirling down the toilet in a whirlpool of cold water within seconds. "You're not alone with this anymore. I'm going to get you help…for real this time…"

"Your Dad tried…" she shook her head. "It's no use. I love it,"

"I'm not Dad," he smiled proudly. "I'm not going to go along with this because I'm afraid of hurting your feelings. No matter _what_ people do, you'll always get hurt feelings. You'll always find a reason or an excuse to use again. I can't help you if that's what this is going to be. You don't really know me, but if you did you'd know that I don't back out of promises," He pressed a kiss to her clamy forehead and began running the shower water. "I'll see you later?" He asked and she blinked up at him in surprise. Her little boy was becoming a man and she had absolutely nothing to do with it.

His shoulders dropped in sadness as he walked out of the bathroom and back into the tiny, dim kitchen. With the sound of rushing water in the neighboring room next to them they were finally alone. The bathroom door was cracked enough for Caroline to see and hear every word they said. She'd get in the shower later, when they'd gone….

* * *

He stared at Damon first, waiting for his eyes to turn dark and angry when he remembered how stupid the boy was for putting himself in this situation again.

"You don't have to say it," he smiled sadly. "I'm an idiot, I know…" Honesty begged on its knees before him, reminding him to stay on track.

"No, Chase…" Elena's voice broke the silence and his troubled gaze turned to her. "Don't do this to yourself right now," her lips formed a thin, sad smile. "The point is that you're safe…" she paused, praying Damon wouldn't cut her off with some smarmy comment that made him feel bad for running. His decision _was_ stupid, but they were still in the heat of it and needed time to decompress and be thankful nothing worse had happened.

"You aren't mad?" His eyebrows met in the middle in a worried arch as he saw a small smile spread across her lips again.

"Of course I'm mad," she arched an eyebrow but chased it with a small forgiving smile. "You scared us. You scared _me_…I thought for a minute we'd lost you…" she stopped. Everything happened so fast that she hadn't really had time to assess how _much_ his absence affected her. Now her heart pounded with complete gratitude that he hadn't become another statistic. "I can't…" she bit her lip and swallowed, overcome with familiar feelings. They were warm and soft and only hurt a little, when she realized it was the first time she'd felt so strongly for someone since Cade.

"I have some things to say to you, but now isn't the time," she smiled. "I think we're all a little too overtired and stressed to get into all of that,"

He brought out the softest, motherly sides of her that she'd wanted to abandon so many years ago. He made her rethink the reasons she _couldn't_ get in that car with Cade and Jace that rainy June day. And he didn't know it yet, but the anniversary of the worst day of her life was just around the corner. She didn't need another reason to hate June.

She was on verge of a breakthrough and completely panic free. The images of Chase played roughly through her mind. He was stronger than he knew, she realized, and he deserved even more credit than they already gave him. Damon was right; he couldn't come back to this life. Even if he lived with Stefan and Caroline was in prison, he couldn't be raised in a household where covering for someone's mistakes was considered a virtue. Love is patient in kind, but it doesn't have to be _stupid_…

"I think right now we need to just get out of here, get some air, maybe some food…" her hand pressed into his messy, sweaty hair and she paused. "We booked a hotel room online…maybe you'd want to come back and take a shower? I packed you some clean clothes,"

Damon's heart fluttered. Elena was beautiful with Chase. He'd seen it before but there was something so different about them now. She was good at everything he wasn't; she could be gentle but get the kid to understand his mistakes and the impact of his choices. She rarely raised her voice because she didn't have to. Her son had died as a toddler but the mother inside of her hadn't. She'd kept it buried deep with the rest of her heart. It was just now reappearing and blossoming into an emotion he'd never fully received as a child from his own mother.

He mentally kicked himself for remembering his frustrations with her as he watched; it was a tragedy that she didn't want to have any more kids. She was the only woman he'd ever want to mother his children. His heart almost broke as he realized he would never hear a brown-eyed son or daughter call him 'Daddy,' He hoped he, too, could be like Chase and keep his promises. He hoped he actually _meant_ what he said about only needing her…

But he was the one who couldn't hear 'I love you,' he remembered. She saved her sweetest words for the boy in front of them, who deserved love more than anyone or anything he'd ever known. He had no right to be selfish and complain about his life. He hadn't grown up in a cloud of white powder and alcohol. He'd pulled away from Stefan and Chase when he was younger because he thought no matter what he did or said he'd only make it worse. But now he stood in front of the teenage boy who was damn near close to the age _he_ was when this mess started, and he wished so badly he could go back in time and _not_ give up.

He was young then, too young to care for a child. But he could've been supportive of the boy. He could've played with him more and gotten under Stefan's skin enough to get him to realize the kind of life they were leading. He could've done something. Anything would've been better than walking away.

Now he wanted to erase every single 'remedy' Chase had concocted for his mother, every single lie he'd covered up for regarding Stefan. He wanted to look into his mother's eyes and get her to love him enough to be honest…to stand in the face of the man who called himself his 'father' for years and laugh out of gratefulness that he wasn't from his loins. But if he could go back in time and start one thing over, he wouldn't proposition Elena for sex after seeing her for a few minutes. He'd tuck away his reservations about love and relationships and dive in, head first and wouldn't make her feel like she was just another warm body in his bed. She'd say "I love you" loudly and clearly and he'd believe it, without a doubt.

But he _couldn't_ go back in time and things were ruined and different now. It would never play out so simply.

She wasn't just his toy. She knew that now, of course, so maybe there was no use in doting on the 'what ifs' But he couldn't help but feel regret and guilt for the many things he'd done to get them there that day. Elena would say it was really no one's fault, that life had a funny way of saying 'I told you so,' but that was just so hard to believe when a fourteen year-old boy was running a detox center out of his mother's small, dirty bathroom.

"A shower would be good," he smiled. "I know I told her she had to handle this herself, but honestly I'm a little worried. Have you ever really seen her when she…" he inhaled sharply. "I mean she's going to do it again…I know she is. I want to leave because I know she's going to do another line, maybe two, and this time it will be worse because she's depressed…she knows her limits but right now, I don't think she cares…" he laid it out, plain and simple.

"How about I stay?" Elena said slowly.

"What? _No_," Damon laughed, crazed. "You've _got_ to be kidding me! Were you there a few minutes ago when she lost it over you taking care of Chase?" Damon reminded her. "She's dangerous, Elena. I can't let you stay here by yourself!"

"I'm a big girl," she smiled, "And I know a thing or two about people with addictions…."

"Cocaine?" Damon asked, knowing her answer would be a clear 'no.' Jace was an alcoholic.

"No…but I'm not afraid of her. She's a sad, lost woman who can't separate real emotions from manufactured ones," she shrugged. "I can."

"You do a lot for Chase and me," he started, "And I love you for it and a lot of other things, but you can't work miracles. You can't just expect to sit down, for her to pour you a cup of coffee and spill her heart out. Even Oprah couldn't save her. Caroline isn't that type. She's a lost cause. Coke or no coke, that woman's a bitch. You weren't meant to be friends,"

"Really? I'm not stupid, Damon," she sighed. "I don't want a thing out of her except for her to stop hurting her son," her words were strong and loving and something moved inside of Chase that he hadn't ever felt. It wasn't just that he had two adults on his side or that someone was finally paying attention to him; it was that for once in his life, down in the places he didn't let anyone see, he felt like he actually belonged somewhere. Maybe the moment would pass too soon and he'd remember the guilty feelings he typically associated with Elena's sweetness. But it was clear to him just then that Damon and Elena's differences were because they both wanted so badly to do what was best for him. No matter how many little, insignificant squabbles they got into, they weren't going to give up on themselves, him or the three of them. He hoped his revelation was right; he didn't want to get his hopes up for nothing again.

"Chase is worried about her," Elena's voice was raspy as she fought the emotions tightening her throat. "I can run interference here while you guys go back to the hotel and decompress. Take some time…"

"That's a good idea, if you're looking to get _killed,_" he whispered, eyes-wide in shock.

"Maybe you're right. Maybe if I stay here it _will_ piss her off. Maybe she'll get angry enough to shout at me and it'll keep her from doing her thing…" she pointed to her nose, feeling insensitive but continuing.

"Get real, Elena," he laughed, shaking his head.

"I think I want to grab my bag," Chase interrupted.

"Go ahead. It'll be good," she smiled in his direction as he ducked out of the room conveniently. He still had that awkward teenage way of leaving when things got heavy, but that was a behavior they could handle compared to this. He wasn't in the way, he knew, but he also didn't want to hear their argument, either.

"Elena _no_. That is the stupidest idea I think you've ever had," Damon whispered through gritted teeth. "If she wants to be reckless and hurt herself again so be it. I'm not putting you in the middle of this. You're absolutely crazy. What are you thinking?" his hands cupped her face as he bore into her soul with his troubled blue seas.

"That I love him. That I'd do anything for him," it came out as a broken whisper. She stared down the dark hallway with a pounding heart. "Anything to make this disappear so he doesn't have to think about it again until he's older and stronger and it doesn't hurt as much because it's just a memory…" He faded into her words for a moment, losing his anger and worry for a minute as he let himself travel back to a place and time he'd never been with her. Was she fighting her demons now? Was she standing up to the man who she no longer could? She was older now, wiser, and had had years to think straight. Was she doing it now; fighting for the little boy who she hadn't had the strength to save more than a decade before? And if she overcame it, would it give her the closure she needed to not run in the other direction when it came to a future together?

She was strong and amazing and she loved him, he knew. But he couldn't lose her over some stupid woman who'd already cost him his brother and a decent relationship with Chase as a child. She'd have to win these psychological battles some other way, where a murderer wasn't concerned.

"She'll rip you to shreds," he shook his head. "The only functioning brain cells she has left allow her to snort and ruin lives," she expected his cocky smile but it never came. His lips pressed into a tight line and that matched the one across his forehead.

"I guess I'd rather hear accusations from the woman than find out we left and she overdosed..."

"I wouldn't," he scoffed. "The only downfall there would be that she'd never suffer in jail for what she's done. If it means Chase never has to do _that_ again," his hands made the motion of twisting open a pill bottle, "Hell, I hope she dies."

"Damon," it came out as a plea. His walls were up and not coming down; there was no question about that. She just wanted him to listen before shutting every suggestion down. Frankly, she didn't have energy to deal with ignorance. "She's a shitty mother and a manipulative person but you shouldn't wish death on anyone. Trust me," she swallowed. "She's still his mother. It's like he said. He doesn't have to support her but he doesn't want more harm to come to her. All that stuff he said about getting her help was good. I think he's right. I think we should look into it. He's 14," she sighed and tipped her head a little to change the mood from bickering to cries for understanding. Her hand brushed a stray hair off Damon's forehead and she smiled as she noticed his hard expression change lighten at her touch. "He shouldn't have to deal with this by himself and he shouldn't be made to feel bad or wrong for wanting to help her. We can't disregard his feelings. I think that's what got us here today,"

"I'm all about feelings," his brow furrowed. "Except when I know what I'm doing will actually hurt him worse. Sure, I could get her set up at a program and it'll seem all positive at first. But it won't be any different than all the other 'chances' she's been given. So why give him false hope _and_ invest money into something that she's only go to snort away again a few days after she gets out of rehab? No. There _is_ no hope for her, Elena. She's going to spend every day, knocking on death's door until it finally answers. She won't live to see 40,"

"So you won't respect Chase's wishes to help her." It wasn't a question. It was a clear and upset statement.

Oh, they were arguing again, but it wasn't about them for once and that made it a little easier. She sighed, remembering what she'd said moments ago to Chase. They were all just too tired and stressed to argue. Everything she said sounded harsh and rushed and she knew she wasn't capable of making any valid points.

"Damon, please," she whispered. "I don't want to argue about this anymore. If she can't find the courage to help herself we can't just point and laugh. I'll stay outside," she swallowed. "I'll walk around the block a few times and pretend I forgot something so I can check on her. Once I feel like she's okay, I'll take an imaginary phone call from you and leave. Okay? It's easy. Take Chase, let him shower and get him some food. I'll make sure she doesn't do anything stupid for a while then we'll all be at the hotel, sleeping this shit day off…"

"And then what? Tomorrow we leave and find another letter in the mail ? I've got a better idea," he whispered. "How about instead of covering for her again we haul out the rest of her drugs and call the police. Depending on how much, she could get jail time," he was agitated. He couldn't handle the thought of her getting hurt because of his stupid family. Her own life was hard enough; she already knew too much about the murder.

"Tada, this woman is busted for possession! Even if she doesn't do jail time, they'll be watching her like a hawk, periodic drug testing…she'll fail, of course…" he smiled. "We set her up and hang her out to dry. We do what every other member of this family has been afraid to do…" his eyes blazed with malice.

"You know what? I'll handle this. You and Chase go back to the hotel. Have a nice meal, clean up…_talk_…" his eyes finished his sentence; they reminded her how badly she needed that talk. "I will stay here until they police come. If they want to talk to Chase, they can do so in the morning. You're right," he licked his dry lips. "He's 14. He's tired and stressed and he doesn't need to be put under this kind of pressure right now. He needs to sleep…both of you do. We can regroup and discuss our next move in the morning," he exhaled happily.

"And I'm supposed to just be okay with you staying here, even though you didn't want me to?"

"Yes," he said simply. "Because I know Caroline. She can't hurt me more than she already has in this life," he shrugged. "And if she pulls something, I'm not afraid to fight back. Take the kid," he repeated. "We can make this mess go away for him. I'm going to do what I should've done years ago,"

"Yes…" Chase said seriously, walking into the room. "Damon's right," he blinked, and Elena was stunned. "I heard everything you said and I agree with Damon," his eyes shifted carefully to his uncle, then back to Elena. "My mom needs help, and I want to believe rehab will fix her, but I know it won't. I don't want to send her to jail…" he shook his head. "I don't want to be the kid with two parents in jail…but I can't be the kid who hands mom her Xanax and prays it isn't the last time just because it means she's still alive and trying…" he flattened his messy hair when he heard the shower water turn off. He swallowed, walking toward Elena quickly. "Let's go…" his chest heaved as he realized how important it was that he put himself first.

Elena shot Damon a worried look. They only had a minute before Caroline would reappear in the kitchen and start up again. He nodded, dark-eyed and brave. His courage was sexy, she knew, but wished he'd find other ways to remind her how amazing of a man he really was. He looked dangerous and confident, as if he had something to die for. Maybe he did, she thought, and maybe things would be different when they got home. She had a bright shiny key that wanted to be more than a spare. She had some big decisions to make, but right now she had an exhausted teenager to take home and feed.

"Be careful," the warning was needless, but she couldn't just walk away without saying it.

"I will," her heart jumped when his lips fell into that lopsided smile. "I love you," it was a promise.

"Me too…" she said, determined to put it out there, even if it wasn't the way she'd wanted. The day would come, undoubtedly. She wouldn't play it safe forever.

"I know," but they couldn't dangle from the moment like they'd wanted. "Go on," but his words were gentle, as if she'd reached out and touched a place on his heart that had never been touched.

Without another thought or backwards glance they were out the door and in the lime green rental SUV. Her hands shook as she stuck the key in the ignition and fastened her seatbelt. She felt like they were running from a crime scene, and really, they were. But if there was a man to take care of anything, it was Damon. He'd keep them safe and sound while he fought for the only family he ever really knew.

* * *

They were a mile away from the hotel when Chase finally spoke.

"So…you hungry?" it was a funny first sentence after they'd torn out of Mystic Falls like a couple of bats out of hell. She'd have thought he'd try to say something about Caroline and Damon and much of a mess his life was. His choice of topics eased her. She could handle hunger.

"So hungry," she smiled, pushing the turn signal up and focusing on the repetitive click it made until she turned the corner. "Don't really know where I'm going aside from this GPS. "Sorry we waited, but I didn't think it was a good idea to stick around your town…"

"Yeah…I shouldn't be seen. No one else I care about there, anyway," he swallowed. "I think I really fucked up by leaving you,"

"Don't say 'fuck,'" but her eyes softened, amused. "You are very much your uncle. Witty, cocky, cuss just to cuss…"

"Thanks," he smiled cockily. "I'll take that as a compliment,"

"It most definitely is," she nodded, switching the radio into the 'off' position as they pulled into the parking lot of a little hamburger stand, "You're smart and brave like him, too. I just hope he remembers that tonight,"

He hopped out of the passenger side and pulled on his Dodgers hat, shielding the setting sun. "Two cheeseburgers, two strawberry shakes and two orders of fries," he ordered, holding up his hand in a number two to emphasize and she smiled. "And Elena, what did you want?"

A wide, relieved smile found its home on her face and she giggled when he winked. "I'm just kidding. That'll be it," he slapped a $20 bill on the wooden counter and smiled brightly at the young girl behind the register.

"You're a flirt like you're uncle, too," she said, taking a long draw of the shake as they hopped up on a picnic table and stared into the horizon. "What about Natalie?"

"We're on a break," he said between chews. "Long distance and all…" She sighed, ready to ask a question she'd been avoiding since they'd found him.

"Long distance…" he set his burger down on the wrapper and took a swig of his milkshake, meeting her eyes softly. "So it was going to be awhile then…"

"Yes," one word shattered her, but he continued. "I left thinking I'd stay in Mystic Falls for a little while. I didn't think about the consequences or about what the police would say," he admitted.

"But you changed your mind?"

"I just didn't want to be in your way anymore...I know Mystic Falls is bad for me...I...I thought I had not other choice..."

"You were never in our way," she popped a fry into her mouth and he smiled. It was a light version of a bigger conversation they'd have later when they weren't disheveled and tired. "In fact, I think you and I are kind of alike," she bumped his shoulder with hers and he laughed, dipping a fry into his milkshake. She frowned in surprise at his action, but continued, "I think we all are alike,"

"Yeah?" he wiped his mouth with a napkin and handed her one before swatting a fly away from their table. Their feet rested on the old wooden bench of the picnic table and she felt like a teenager again, sitting and shooting the breeze with someone who actually meant something to her.

"Yeah," she nodded. "So how about we stop blaming ourselves and our pasts for every little mistake we make and start over?" She suggested, hope floating in her voice.

"Okay," he swallowed a big bite of burger. "But what about my parents? I know things are probably different now that she'll be in police custody, but I told mom I wouldn't leave until I talked to her again. And I know this sounds stupid, but I'd like to see my Dad…" he looked down at his feet, afraid to meet her eyes.

"I want to do what you want to do," her voice was soft and reassuring, "but sometimes it's not always a good idea. We'll have to see," she paused and he looked up at her again as she he ate another fry. "We'll see how things go with Damon. I'm not saying 'no,' okay? I get that you need closure…"

"Like you and your boy?" he took a chance. "You need closure?"

"Yeah, but I'm finding it, slowly," she tipped the bill of his hat up so she could see his emerald eyes. "Just don't go off and do something stupid again, okay? I'm not your aunt or a big sister or a mother-type figure...but I sure as hell feel like it…" the words hung in the air, but instead of grabbing them and defining their relationship, he chose to change the subject.

"About all that stuff I said about you being hot," he frowned, ashamed. "Well, I still think it, but not in a gross way or anything," he smiled. "Just wanted you to know that I respect you…."

"Well thank you," she chased a laugh with a smile. "I gotcha. No worries," she added, taking a big draw of her milkshake until a thick hollow sound told her it was gone. "Now let's hurry up and get to that hotel. We got adjoining rooms so you can have which either you'd like, as long as you help me carry in the bags," she smiled. "I'm ready to crash right here on this nasty picnic table, but this was fun. Thanks for dinner," she said as she remembered he'd paid.

He nodded and hopped down before he took her food wrapper and tossed it in a rusty, aluminum trash can nearby. "Hey, I can be gentleman," he shrugged, burping loudly. "Most of the time,"

"Wow," she laughed, unlocking the car and sliding inside. She didn't want to talk about drugs or about how often he'd seen his mother that way. Tomorrow would be filled with more hurt, but for now, she just wanted to pretend they were a normal family for one night.

"But really," he smiled. "Thank you for finding me. And for not giving up…" he pulled his hat down over his eyes and leaned his head back against the plushy car seat headrest, where he drifted off into a peaceful sleep where drug dealers and high Caroline's didn't exist.

Elena was clear-eyed and focused as she followed the soft directions of her GPS. Her heart pounded and ached at the same time as she thought of how much her life had changed over the last few months. She'd had nothing because it was easier that way, but suddenly, she'd been hit with a man and a boy and love for both of them all at once, and although it was rough right now, she'd treasure these moments that would one day lead her to a life she didn't think possible.

She smiled at his sleeping figure as they pulled into the hotel parking lot.

* * *

**A/N: So, no huge, super bitchy blowout yet. We're not done with Caroline and we may or may not see Stefan pretty soon here. I know this wasn't a huge DE chapter, but the strides made between other characters were my main focus. I really need to hash out Chase's feelings and for him to actually see and feel that he is not in the way of Damon and Elena's life together. He's a central part and he deserves to know that.**

**Anxious to hear thoughts and opinions on this one! Thanks so much for reading and sorry for the delay in update!**


	19. The Scientist

**A/N: I was hoping to get this out sooner, but I'm glad it wasn't a full two week break this time. This is an emotional one. We'll catch a little info about the Damon/Caroline thing, but this one is centered around Damon, Elena and Chase. I've missed them, and some of you have left reviews saying you've missed them, too.**

**Not as long of a chapter as the others, but I got everything I wanted to in here, so I ended it when I knew I should. **

**I chose "The Scientist" by Coldplay for this chapter. The beautiful, haunting piano gets me every time I hear it. **

**Thank you so much for reading and for your feedback. Love it! **

* * *

**All At Once**

**Chapter 18: The Scientist**

"No…don't take him…" Elena's head thrashed violently against the thin padded hotel pillow. Her hair clung to the sweat beading on her forehead and forming on her neck as she fought in her sleep.

It had started out sweet, peaceful. She was on warm sand and the sun was bright, coloring her already tanned skin. She'd closed her eyes for a second and tried to think of nothing. It was lucid, of course, as all her dreams were. The salt of the ocean combined with the scent of sunscreen overwhelmed her senses and gave her peace. She loved the beach, the ocean. The rush of the waves crashing on the shore reminded her of the night she'd finally let Damon in. He'd held her there, in the spot she lay in, and let her into his world. And he was there now, shirtless and smiling on a big, soft beach blanket, talking about sand castles and seagulls and nonsensical things that were too simple and basic for their typical conversations.

In her dream world, things were easy now. Damon was always smiling and the warmth on her skin radiated all the way through her, filling her stomach with a familiar feeling of comfort and love. There was laughter and music that made her want to dance. And when she opened her eyes to take in the scene before her, there was a beautiful bright pair of blues staring back at hers. She melted when she heard the voice. Soft and sweet with a little trouble annunciating. He was adorable, familiar.

"Can I build a sand qwastle, Mama?" She sat up quickly, her dream heart pounding in her warm chest. He knew her. The small boy knew her and loved her; she could see the trust and absolute adoration in his eyes. He had short, messy black hair that crept over his eyes olive skin. Her breath caught in her throat when she tried to answer.

_Mama. _

A different warm hand slid over her skin, slickly and she felt sand dig into her skin. It was a gentle bite, one that made the dream too real. His eyes were bright with possibilities as he leaned over and placed a soft kiss on her sun-kissed skin.

"What do you say, _Mama?_" His voice was deep and raw, a tone she hadn't heard from him in so long. His eyes turned hungry as they scanned over her for a moment, but then his eyebrows bounced in place and a familiar, silly grin knocked his lips sideways. "Can we build a sand qwastle?"

Damon. A son. _Their_ son. If any dream had ever been more real, she couldn't remember it. Her nightmares, the scariest, most vividly foul dreams had never seemed so true. But it was just that. It was a dream, she knew, and in moments she wouldn't have to decide if she was in love with this moment or if it scared the living daylights out of her.

"Mom," another voice called, running toward her, kicking sand with every silly misstep. He dove face-first into the sand before her lounge chair and came up giggling with a mouthful of sand. He spit and wiped his eyes and then she saw them. Bright green and humongous. His giggle, so heartbreakingly familiar, choked her. He was no bigger than the last time she'd held him. It felt like no time had passed at all.

Then it hit her. She was dead. She had to be. This boy in front of her with the messy chocolate hair and the big green eyes was alive and laughing with no pain and no blood. If she was dead, she was okay with it; if this was her heaven, she didn't want to go back to earth. Everything she needed was right in front of her.

"Cade, you want to build a castle, too?" Damon's voice was sweet and happy, as if it was completely normal for her son to be alive and a part of their daily routine. "I bet we'll build the biggest, coolest castle on this beach. Don't you think, _mama?"_

Tears spilled from dream-Elena's eyes behind her big, fancy sunglasses. She nodded with a smile, concealing the fear and pain that threatened to break through. Her boys were happy. Her three boys were playing and happy…something that could never be. She'd heard of recurring dreams and sent a quick memo up to Heaven, if she _wasn't_ there, to pencil this one in as a good option for repeat.

"How the hell can a stupid little beach cart charge $4 for a soft pretzel?" The voice was familiar, but lower than she'd heard it before. From behind her dark lenses, she saw a tanned, older version of the blond boy she'd so quickly come to love as her own. His hand slid over his stubble covered cheek and she smiled.

Four boys. Her _four _boys.

"Here's your iced tea, Elena," he handed it to her and shook his head when she nearly dropped it. Her eyes caught on her left ring finger and saw a platinum diamond ringing shining back at her. "Geez, careful!" He laughed. "If you thought the pretzel was expensive, you don't want to know how much _that_ was. DId you know they charge an extra dollar for the raspberry flavoring? Don't worry, you're worth it," She stayed silent and smiling as he leaned back against his hands and looked up at the sky full of fluffy white clouds. "Nice day...glad I could make it…." He said simply before pulling his Dodgers cap over his face and falling asleep.

_Make it from where? _Her eyes caught on his keychain next to them. The lanyard read UCLA.

She sighed. Chase had to be at least 18, maybe older. She did a quick mental calculation and that made her 34. That was acceptable; she decided…not that it mattered. She took a quick estimate of the blue eyed boy before her and decided he couldn't have been older than 2 ½ or 3. That meant things had happened quickly…things she hadn't planned on…yet she felt happy.

But this wasn't a vision. It was a dream…a beautiful dream that she'd never had before. It was private and perfect and hers to treasure forever…

Until the storm hit and she saw Cade fading away again. He was being dragged off the beach by a faceless, laughing figure. Suddenly she was glued to the sand and her other boys weren't moving. They were giggling and laughing and digging in the sand now, as if they _never_ saw Cade before. As if they couldn't see anything at all. It didn't' make sense, but then again, dreams didn't have to...

"Baby no…" it was the first words she'd heard her dream-self say that day, and they brought her back to reality.

* * *

She startled awake and she slammed back to earth…back to the hotel room where the low hum of the TV reminded her what her life _really_ was. Her perfect dream had also become the worst nightmare she'd ever had. How cruel to give her a new memory of her baby boy just to take it away all over again! "No…you can't…stop!"

She bolted upright quickly, catching a chill from the squeaky ceiling fan's lick against her sweat-soaked back. Her hand caught in her hair and she pulled it around to the front of her shoulder, giving her neck a chance to breathe, too. Her chest rose and fell in a quick rhythm and she blinked a few times as she realized dream Elena hadn't been the _only_ one crying. Her brown eyes were swollen and worn as they focused on the set of green eyes before her. They were locked on her and held something new she'd never seen in them before; a new kind of worry. She swallowed, shaking her head and finding a smile. He didn't need anyone else to worry about, especially not her. The last thing he needed to do was get the impression he was hurting her again.

_Oh no_. She'd woken him, she slowly realized.

He had no idea the kind terrors she endured on a semi-regular basis. They'd lightened some, since she'd been spending her nights with Damon, but her head was a mess without him. It was no surprise she'd been torn in two. Her heart stopped for a minute, realizing the other side of the bed was still cold and empty. He wasn't back.

"Bad dream?" The words came out of him as a worried whisper.

"Some of it," the only good thing about her lucid dreams was that she could recall the sweet, amazing moments just as easily as the bad ones. "Sometimes the bad still wins out…" she didn't mention all the good that she'd seen, too…

"I get it," he nodded. But he didn't. All the pain in the world couldn't make him understand what it was to lose a child, and she hoped it stayed that way. He was a child himself, and the fact that she'd become a parent when she was just two years older than him frightened her. She hadn't felt so young back then, but as she stared as the lanky, awkward boy in front of her and compared it to the muscled, low voiced beach version she'd seen on her Heaven beach, reality hit. Their conversation from a few hours before had created that dream, she knew, but she'd do it all again if she could.

Her life came back to her in bits and pieces. She'd been a child, too. And the less popular opinion from the elderly neighbors about what happened to Cade and Jace threw out terms like 'karma' and 'fate.' No one was fated to lose her child, she knew. Not even Caroline.

And that was what pissed her off the most. That was what she'd had to hold her tongue about while a stoned Caroline laughed maniacally before her. Caroline chose her life, chose her losses. Elena had lived every day for her son, as if nothing else mattered, and look at their lives. Look at the differences. Life was sick and unfair and didn't make sense, until you were forced to face it head on.

She'd lost that part of her world but she'd lived to see unimaginable parts reveal themselves in sweet, blissful dreams on pretty beach sides. She'd pay $4 for a pretzel any day if it meant she could feel _that_ happy again. And Cade would never be there, she knew, but Chase would. Damon would. And as for their little mystery man, well…

The hotel door clicked open and a yellow light crept in from the hallway. She saw Damon walk in slowly, rubbing his eye with his palm and sighing. He dropped a set of keys on the bedside table and shrugged off his shirt before his eyes caught on Elena and Chase. She was up and at the edge of the bed, her toes curled around the metal frame, cooling her skin. Chase was in a chair next to her, covered with a blanket, his hair a mess as if he'd woken from a deep sleep suddenly.

"You guys are up?" He frowned, stepping closer so he could sit next to her on the bed. He wrapped an arm around her waist from behind and pressed a gentle, kiss on her tear-stained cheek. Once his lips left her skin he licked them and frowned, sliding the back of his index finger from her eye to her chin, absorbing the moisture of her tears. His finger stopped at the base of her chin as he tipped up to meet her eyes. "And you're crying…."

Chase heaved a sigh and stood, stretching his arms up over his head to make his exit. It was dark and _late_, he realized, as his eyes found the big orange numbers on the alarm clock that read 3 a.m. He realized he'd dozed off after all, and mentally slapped himself for it.

"So…it's done?" He asked, needing confirmation before he left the room. He'd go to his room and tell himself he hadn't just betrayed his family. He'd try his hardest to remember the gentle, loving words that had come out of Elena's mouth and forget everything he'd done for his mother in that nasty little bathroom. He'd remember who he was and what he deserved.

"It's done," he replied, softly. He couldn't elaborate, not then. There'd be time in the morning and he'd have to be more thorough about what went down after Chase and Elena had left. But his body was broken and sore. He wanted nothing more than to crash down on the bed with Elena and summon the energy to make sweet, apologetic love to her and push everything and everyone else away. But she was covered in sadness and he had a big black eye. It wasn't romantic in the least, and his plans would most likely not turn out the way he'd hoped.

"Get some rest kid, huh?" Damon offered a reassuring smile. "We'll hit a restaurant for some breakfast in the morning and go from there. I'm dying for pancakes,"

He met him with a small nod. The boy knew next to nothing about what happened with his mother, but he was calm and listening without argument. He trusted Damon, what he'd done, what he'd do. He believed to the depths of his young heart, that no matter what, this man and this woman in _this_ room would take care of him, love him and do what was best for him in any and every circumstance. He gave the fight up and just loved them…without worry, without fear and guilt. He put his life in their hands without an ounce of doubt that it was the best decision he'd ever made.

"Cool," he said, grabbing his cap from the bedside table and turning the knob to the adjoining room. "Night…" he started, but then he turned and walked back to Elena slowly. He leaned down in front of her and kissed her on the cheek, absorbing one of her tears with his lips and feeling her heartbreak float inside of him. "Hey, what'd I say about crying?" his words were kind and gentle and he felt her lips turn upward. "Don't you dare break our agreement," he smiled softly.

She bit her lip and nodded, completely touched by his words. He cleared his throat and caught Damon's eyes before he closed the door behind him and fell onto his bed. Adjoining rooms were an amazing idea.

* * *

"Wow. What did I miss?" Damon asked, rubbing his brow. "Making agreements without me, are you?" But the thought thrilled him. They could make as many agreements or arrangement as they wanted because it meant there'd be time to keep them.

Her head crashed back onto her wet pillow and she raised the clicker to power off the TV without looking at it. What had he missed? Oh, nothing…_just the biggest breakthrough of her life._

Her arm fell down at her side as her heart pounded. Blood rushed through her ears and she swallowed. Now they were in complete darkness and she felt the warmth of his bare chest press against her back. When her body started shaking his lips pressed into the back of her neck. The contact made her shiver with pleasure and love and relief. He was back in one piece and she was an emotional virgin with these new, strong feelings.

"How'd you get here? I took the car..." of course she'd think of something strange like that. The point was, he was there with her.

"Rented another. We'll deal with it tomorrow..." he said quickly, wanting to put his lips back on her skin. "I missed you, Lena..." she was losing it, struggling for willpower. She wanted answers, not sex, for once, but he still felt so good. "So as I was saying," he said between kisses, "what. did. I. miss? Have you gotten through to our boy?"

Her heart stopped. _Their_ boy.

"It's so late…" she managed, too overwhelmed to address just what he'd missed. Besides, she was more interested in what _she'd_ missed. She fought to keep her clarity as his lips ran down her spine slowly and his warm hands outlined her small shape.

"I was worried what happened…" her mind ran over the night before she had fallen asleep watching a rerun of the Match Game. The last thing she remembered was Richard Dawson's Hollywood smile and then she'd found that beach…

But much had happened in between. She and Chase had talked…_really_ talked. It was the deepest they'd gotten since that day after his baseball practice in the kitchen, but things were clearer now for both of them. They knew where they stood and how very fragile their relationship was. They each played a role in the other's life that was so meaningful yet breakable, but they were sick of the eggshell bit. She couldn't blurt it all out like that, thought. It deserved true explanation and she didn't have the energy to convince Damon that she meant it.

"So what _did_ happen?" she asked as his hands found her thigh. He was all type of awake, she knew. His soft hand stroked over her side lazily, as if he couldn't get enough. The physical side of their relationship had taken such a backseat in all of this; never in his life would he have imagined choosing conversation over sex, but he snuggled in close behind her, resting his chin on the top of her shoulder instead of doing what he _would've_ done.

"Damon…"

_Just wait til she she's the black eye_, he thought, swallowing.

"It got crazy," he swallowed. "I'm glad it was me and not you…." He tried to remember to behave, but his fingers snuck below her tank top in the back and glided around to her stomach. He traced figure eights in her skin as he spoke. The motions calmed both of them, though the words he'd say would bring stress and fear to an already swollen heart.

"Tell me," she whispered, linking her hand with his, her fingers lazily playing with his left ring finger. Oh, she wasn't there yet, but she might be…someday. She could think about _someday_, now.

She waited a beat, but when he said nothing, repeated her words. She flipped over, resting her left temple on his outstretched arm and looking up at his worried expression. "Tell me…" her eyes caught on his beautiful, soft lower lip and she traced it with the pad of her thumb.

A car drove by and its headlights flashed in the window, brightening his face and revealing the bruise circling his right eye. There was an audible gasp and he pressed his index finger to her pouty lips before she could speak.

"I'm fine," he propped himself up on his free hand. "Really, no big deal…"

"Maybe _now_," she reached up to touch the sensitive skin and he cringed as his head fell back onto the sweat and tear soaked pillow they shared. "This is bigger than what we can handle, Damon…" she bit her lip. "How could this have happened when you were contacting the police? I thought you were done with all the hero stuff…"

"Yeah well, when have things ever gone according to plan for us, _Lena?"_ he gave her a soft smile but she didn't buy it. He didn't have to hide the truth from her. She had no desire to be blissfully uninformed. Ever.

"If this is what it takes to keep you and Chase safe…I'd take another punch from a drug dealer _any_ day," he kissed the bridge of her nose looked back into her tired eyes.

"A drug dealer? Damon…" her already worn voice cracked. "_Tell me_…"

"No," he whispered simply, pressing his lips to hers. She kissed him back, loving and needing the taste of him, but kicked her hormones to the curb when she remembered she was minorly _peeved_ that he wasn't talking. These sweet kisses were a defensive mechanism and they'd almost worked. Almost.

When she pulled back he let out a little whimper, but she gave him a stare that said _I know what you're doing_ and he sighed.

"You can't just drop words like 'drug dealer' and expect me to just be okay with it. Your _eye_ is wrecked, Damon…" her eyebrows knit and he kissed the creased V above them. "We said no more lies, so don't…"

"And I'm not lying. I just don't want to talk about it right now," his voice was pleading. "I'd rather kiss you until we fall asleep. I just want something normal for us…just for tonight, please. After what we've been through, don't you want to just be _us_? Be together?"

Wasn't it what she wanted, too? A glimpse of the normalcy that they'd never shared? Was it too much to ask to try their hand at a relationship without being sidetracked? They were rhetorical questions, but questions nonetheless. Times like these made her wonder if they'd even make it in a normal situation. They'd been able to dodge a lot of half-truths and disagreements simply because they'd run out of time. What happened when one day the world slowed down and everything fell into place? Would they still want it?

"We don't even know what normal means…" the words came out slowly, ending a thought she'd started in her own mind.

"We'd be good at it. Don't you remember?" his hands pressed into her hipbones and he moved to kiss her neck.

_No_. She didn't remember because it had never happened. They'd been 10 miles south of normal since the moment they'd met. The still had a chance to find their normal, she realized. But it probably wouldn't come that night.

"Damon, you're nuts if you think we're going to…" her hands crashed onto her face. "Look, I already slept a little and frankly, I'm afraid to fall asleep again. I've already had a nightmare once, but the way things are going with us lately, I'm sure I could do the impossible and have another…even with Chase's wishful words…" she breathed, pausing. "Why won't you tell me?"

"Because it's 3:15 in the morning. Because I have a black eye and bruises in places you can't see and I don't want to think about what happened, let alone explain it to you right now. You've already cried enough…" he frowned. "And I'm not going to be the one to make it worse. Trust me, okay? I want to tell you…just not right now. I just want to lay, right here next to you, and forget everything else…"

"Fine," she heaved a sigh, exhausted and done trying. She wouldn't win this one. They'd have to learn to compromise and if she meant what she thought she did, she'd start that night.

"Your dreams…" he started. "Cade again?" Her heart started to slam again at his words. If he didn't want to talk about _his_ issues that night she didn't want to talk about hers. She was mentally drained and unsure if she was capable of explaining the complete blissful first half of her dream. An older Chase, a big flashy ring and a blue eyed toddler held a lot of promises that she knew he'd eat up too quickly and too easily. It was a _dream_, she reminded herself. Her subconscious had given her things she either didn't know she wanted or didn't want to admit she wanted. She'd seen a small glimpse into the future she'd called him crazy for…and that was way too heavy for a night like this.

"Yes, and some other things," she swallowed. He wasn't one to push her about her dreams and nightmares. The terror in his eyes told him he probably didn't want to know any more than what she told him. "But I don't want to go there, either," the words played off her lips and he sighed. "And it's not because I'm playing some kind of mind game. It's because I'm tired, too and it hurts to think about,"

"Yeah…" he whispered. "So let's not think…" he pressed his lips to the tops of her bare shoulders and worked up her neck before reaching her lips. "A goodnight kiss, I swear," his words were soft and brushed sweetly against her lips.

In a matter of minutes his head found her chest and he fell into a sound sleep. Her hands ran lazily through his dark hair, twisting soft pieces between her thumb and index finger. It was silky and soft and wonderful, for a man, she thought. And while she was full of deep, dramatic sighs, she kept them at bay, not wanting to stir him from his slumber.

A drug dealer; he'd been in a fight, clearly. The question wasn't why; it was when? He'd said it was done, and she had to believe that meant Caroline was in the hands of the law where she belonged. But had the black eye come before or _after_ they'd arrested her? And who'd delivered the blow? Were they his mirror image with a big, swollen cheek, too? Or were they off laughing and mocking him?

_Were they waiting_?

She swallowed, heartbroken. They were playing with fire…big, blazing hot fires that even one Damon Salvatore couldn't put out. In another life, she'd say this was crazy. She'd pull out and say _no_ _way_. She had to be out of her mind to involve herself with something like this. But there were two, wonderful reasons that didn't make her question her decision in the matter one bit. One was sleeping against her warm skin, trusting her with his heart and a future she now thought she might want to share with him. The other was a door away, sleeping in a big, soft bed instead of the squeaky old dirty one he'd just left a few hours before. What they'd given her more than made up for any doubt her conscious could throw her way. They'd given her a reason to fight her demons. They'd helped her find herself again; the sweet, less bitter self that hadn't breathed in eleven years.

She's shared the sweetest, saddest hours of the decade with that green eyed boy next door, and she'd be damned if she never got a chance to share happy and worry-free ones with him in this lifetime. They'd gotten to the hotel and thrown their things in a heap in the corner, flipping on the television with good intentions to stay up all night if they had to…or at least until they heard from Damon.

* * *

It was silent at first. Her eyes stayed in the air above him, waiting for the rhythmic pattern of a baseball ascending into the air and slapping down into the palm of his hand. What goes up, must come down, she remembered. Any day now, their lives would _have_ to slow down.

"Tired?" She tried, desperately needing to get him talking. What had once seemed so not her place was suddenly the only thing keeping her from losing her mind. They'd been waiting for Damon for three hours and hadn't heard a peep. His cell was off. She loved the sexy sway of voice on his voicemail message, but right now it was anything but smooth. It reminded her she couldn't reach him. How many desperate, panicky messages could she leave him before he decided she was insane?

Caroline's phone was off the hook, clearly. She'd called about a dozen times over the course of ten minutes and each time was met with that horrible, disappointing tone. She had half a mind to drive back down there and find him herself, but that would defeat the purpose of them going to the hotel. They needed rest. And if her mind was dead set on racing, she'd at least lie down and let her body rest.

"Yeah," Chase answered. "Tired of everything, really," his voice was scratchy, as if he'd been bottling words for hours. He'd been a bit groggy when they arrived at the hotel but had refused to go to bed until Damon returned. His head rest on a pillow at the foot of what would be Damon and Elena's king sized hotel bed. His knees were bent up, pointing to the ceiling as he tossed the ball toward the fluorescent dome light above them. "I hate being sad one minute and angry the next. I just hate all of it,"

Elena's feet were next to his head, crossed at the ankles. Each toss of the ball had her nervous. The thought of the hard ball falling on her bare ankles made her sick, but she couldn't tear her eyes away from the sweet shadow it cast as it rose and fell from his hand.

"Me too," she offered. She'd leaned up against the wooden headboard of the bed and now moved to sit forward. Her hands fell behind her, arms outstretched for balance. "I'm not going to say I 100% get what you're going through, because I don't," she paused for a minute to align the words in her head before she said them. Damon was right; they _had_ something, but his wounds were still wide open and she didn't want to rub reminders in them just hours after he'd left Caroline's house. "But you don't ever have to feel alone with it. You can always tell me anything,"

The throwing stopped and he fell silent. Her stomach clenched, worried that she'd gone too far, but then she heard his voice.

"I'm not good at all that, you know, _feelings_ stuff," she saw color rising in his cheeks. "I'm like Damon, remember?" In an instant, the topic had taken a completely different turn. He'd been there to hear about 'Delena baby-quest for the year 2000-whatever', straight of his grandfather's mouth, but she guessed he wasn't aware of just _how_ serious his uncle had been.

"Yes you are," she nodded. "And that's a serious challenge sometimes, but a challenge I love nonetheless. And when we get home, things are going to change a little," his eyes dropped to his feet at her words. _Home. _

"You and Damon…you're fighting, aren't you?" he asked seriously. "It's probably none of my business, but you said I could ask anything," The kid had a point; it just wasn't a topic she'd planned on addressing that night. They were already worried sick about him. Thinking about their issues only made it so much harder to be away. If something happened to him and he'd never heard her say _I love you_, she'd never forgive herself. She sighed, focusing her energy on the boy in front of her. _Their_ boy…the only boy they'd probably ever have, if Damon would stick with her, regardless of her choices.

"Its fine," her lips pressed into a thin smile, but he could see right through it. "We're fine. You don't have to worry about that,"

His eyebrows dipped in worry. She was definitely _not_ fine, he decided.

"My parents are divorced. They have a weird, horrible relationship and they always have," he shook his head. "When I was little, they fought about me. And I know they aren't normal, but when I saw you and Damon start to fight about me, too. I really thought…I guess I just couldn't see that happen again. I didn't want you to break up because of me. I'm not even your kid. I shouldn't even be here. I wanted you guys to be happy together,"

"No. Our fights are nothing like that," she shook her head. "We're fighting to stay together and it comes off as an argument. Sometimes we have a hard time understanding each other, but it isn't over you. We have different upbringings and different views on life. We're trying so hard to blend them together to decide what's best for you. It's just a work in progress."

"I shouldn't be such a big deal. Why am I?" It was an honest question. He'd never been anyone's priority before them.

"How can't you know?" her voice broke. "Chase, we love you. We'd do anything for you. Damon was out of his mind when you left. And I was, too. The thought of you off somewhere dangerous just about killed me."

"I only drove him crazy when I was around. And you, you're not even family and you're here for me. I'm no one to you and yet you let me hurt you, over and over again…"

"Not true," it broke her heart to hear the low opinion he had of himself. "You're important. You're Chase…and you've done more good than harm, trust me. You've helped us," she let out an exasperated sigh.

"I have?"

"More than you could ever know," she managed. It was true. Without Chase, they may have never taken a chance on each other. They may have been sex until it got to be too much, then dissolved. Chase made them want to be real. "This is new for all of us, but we're going to make it work. No more running. That goes for me, too," she clarified.

"It sounds serious…like you'll stick around even though Damon and I have been complete assholes…" he stopped. "I mean jerks," he corrected and she smiled. "I mean, I want you to…you know, be around…" he looked at her with new, shy eyes.

"Oh, you aren't getting rid of me," she assured him, relieving him of his worry. "I'll be here."

"Sorry I hurt you. I shouldn't have said that stuff about when you were my age. I didn't know what to do…I thought if I made you angry enough, you'd learn to hate me,"

"Never. And don't you try that again. For one, I'm on to you. And two, please don't ask me to stop caring for you. I appreciate your apology and that you really want to help Damon and me…but you are so off-base about your role in our lives. I could never hate you. Ever. I just want honesty. In the letter you said you heard me say you remind me of what my little boy may have been like…well, it's true,"

"I don't want to be him to you," he frowned. "I don't want to hurt you,"

"You _aren't_," she shook her head. "But I can't help but think of him, Chase. It doesn't mean I'm trying to replace him with you. I don't just care about you because I'm using you to fill some weird void now that I don't have him. I care about _you_. There's nothing more to it. No backstory or double meanings. Trust me, please,"

"Okay, I didn't know, I…" he was overwhelmed and didn't know how to finish his sentence, but he didn't have to. He came to an abrupt stop when he saw tears streaming down her cheeks. "You cry too much, Elena,"

"You're right about that," she laughed a little and wiped her cheeks. "But it isn't your fault. None of it is. I can promise that," it was one of their moments, she knew. One she'd never lose. "The stuff you said, yeah, it hurt me, but not the way you probably think it did," she sniffed up the last of her tears and swallowed. "It just felt like you were shutting off, like you didn't want what…there's so much to it I can't explain in just a few sentences," he blinked a few times, taking in every word that poured out of her heart. "Yes, I miss my son," she nodded. "Things will always remind me of him and that's not such a bad thing. I loved him and he will always be with me. But he isn't coming back and I know that. This is my life now,"

"Uh…" he swallowed. Things were getting heavy. "Sorry,"

"No, don't be," she pulled off his hat. And put her chin on her knees as she watched the color drain from his face again. It was as if he was afraid he'd say something to push her away. "_You_ have nothing to do with that. I have to get my own head on straight. I'm the adult," he waited, unsure of how to respond. The word adult meant nothing to him.

"So let _me_ do the worrying. And Damon," she pled. "Please. This is the way it's supposed to be,"

"I've always been on my own. I have to worry. I'm the only one who cares about my Mom and Dad. My grandparents, well, I don't understand their relationship. And it's pretty obvious how Damon feels," he bit his lip. "I'd feel terrible if I just stopped loving and caring about them,"

"That's not what I want at all," she shook her head. "I'll tell you a secret, okay?" It was late and their eyes were heavy, but they fought to hold on. Damon had been gone for hours and they intended to stay awake until he returned. "The man I thought I loved was a monster, but no matter how hard I tried, no matter what I did to shake him, I couldn't," she swallowed. "As much as I hate him for what he did to me, he gave me my son…" she swallowed through the ache in her throat. "That's why he haunts me. He doesn't deserve my attention or my fear, but he gets it. And he wasn't family, Chase. Your parents, as much as they hurt you and disappoint you…I don't expect you to stop loving them…."

"They aren't parents," he frowned. "They never have been. Sometimes I think I was a mistake. That's how they make me feel,"

"Oh _no_," she shook her head. "You are the best thing that's ever happened to them. I think they are just too selfish to understand that," he wasn't a mistake. Cade wasn't a mistake. Maybe it had seemed that way at the time, but there was no doubt in her mind that both boys were put on this earth so many years ago for a reason. And as selfish of a thought as it was, she had her own idea of what that reason was; they were her salvation.

"I don't know everything about your childhood, but I can't stand what I do know," she frowned. "And I know Damon and I can't make that part disappear or make up for it, but I want you to know that if you stay with us, you'll never feel that way again,"

He took his Dodgers hat from her and pulled it back snuggly over his eyes. His eyes were flooded and he didn't want her to see.

"You can decide what you want, and as long as it's sensible and safe, I'll do my best to understand. We want what's best for you, Chase. You deserve more than we could ever give you, but we're going to give you everything we can," her heart began to pound as Damon's words came back into her memory.

Custody. Apartment keys. A future. A family. They were things that were slowly becoming more believable, more appealing. But it had to be for her, too. She had to be as positive as possible that she wasn't doing it just to make them happy. If she started _any_ of that, she wanted it to be absolutely real. She was speaking as if she was now a permanent fixture in his life and it felt right.

The waves of emotion over the last few days were pulling her under. The feelings were heady and warm, completely and utterly addictive. She'd shed layers of fear without knowing it. When it came right down to it, all she was really afraid of was uncertainty. Nothing was ever for certain. Would she live her life avoiding happiness just because she was too afraid of what _could_ happen?

Being a hypocrite was not on her to-do list anymore.

"Hey, what's up?" she asked after a few minutes of silence. It had been enough time to clear his eyes, so he pulled his hat off again and stared right into her eyes.

"Tired," the word was quick, as if he wanted to end the conversation before it got much deeper. "Think he'll come back soon? We've been here for hours…" he pulled out his phone and checked the time.

"He'll be back soon," the words were a wish, a prayer. She was cramped and pained with worry and doubt, but she had to be strong. She'd be the adult. No matter what happened, she'd never let him go through that kind of pain again. "I'll wait up for him. You can rest."

"No way," he stretched. "That's my mess he's dealing with. We'll both stay up. Or you can sleep and I'll stay up. It all ends the same. Me staying up til Damon walks through that door," he pointed.

"Yep, you're Damon, alright," she smiled, hopping off the bed.

"Okay so listen. You said when we get home, things are gonna change," he waved between them and then around the room to suggest he meant life as a whole. "Don't really know what that all means, but there's something I know I want to change,"

"Hm?" she smiled, nervous.

"You cry too much, remember? Stop the crying, please...I don't know how to act around you when you…" he frowned, stopping himself. "I feel bad,"

"Okay, I'll work on that. And you…the headphones," she made a swiping motion by her neck to suggest he was being cut off. "Only recreational listening, not avoidance listening. Got it?"

"Yeah, got it," he sighed. "I just really like music," he shrugged. "But a deal's a deal, I guess." He stared for a moment, feeling happy they'd talked. When it got too thick, she sighed.

"Okay, so," she breathed, breaking the emotions, "If we're going to be up for a while, I'm going to get some ice from the machine and some sodas. We need caffeine. I'll be right back," she closed the door behind her and let her head fall back against it.

She'd felt protective before, but she'd been so young. It was all so crazy to think of it now. It felt unreal. Someone just a few years older than Chase having to care for a baby, yet she'd done it. She talked to him about being a child about not worrying, but the end of her youth had been filled with diapers and midnight feedings. She'd never taken the time to really think on it because she hadn't had a choice or the time to dote on anything else.

Chase deserved to have fun and be young. He deserved a mentally stable home life where he didn't have to question his guardians love for him or each other. She wanted it, too; she just had to make sure that part overpowered the fear and stubbornness that normally won out.

She deserved happiness, too, and happiness was Damon loving her. It was the three of them at baseball games and playing awkward, horrible games of charades. It was sitting down at the kitchen table and talking about work and school and going to bed every night knowing no matter what came along, they had each other. At the end of the day, wasn't that all that really mattered?

She blinked back the tears, remember Chase's words. She hated crying, but these were tears of acceptance and realization. If only Damon would appear out of thin air and pull her into his arms. It would just feel so much more real…

The ice machine on their floor had been empty, so she'd gotten some from the floor above. By the time she got back to their room, Chase was fast asleep in the chair next to the bed. He was so tired and so drained she just didn't have the heart to wake him and tell him he hadn't made it until Damon got back. There was no telling what time Damon would arrive. He'd been unreachable by phone or text. He'd have to go down to the station, she figured, but it was unusual that he hadn't called. She shoved the bucket of ice on the table and left the soda bottle sealed.

It was a good time to sit and think. And while her head swirled with both new and old emotions, she slowly started to doze. That's when it hit her…the dream. Everything that had unfolded in the hallway personified into one beautiful family on that sunny, sandy beach…

* * *

It was the longest day of her life. It _had_ to be, she decided. She'd aged at least three years since the moment they'd found that letter in Chase's bedroom. As far as she was concerned, everything she needed was in her arms and in the room next door. Wonderful dreams/nightmare aside, she was grateful for what she'd been given. She needed the here and now. The rest would come. _Someday_.

"Damn it, Damon," she whispered, closing her eyes as her hands worked in his hair. His breathing stayed in the rhythm. He was dead asleep, she knew. The clock said 3:50. He'd been out for a good half hour while she'd been rehashing the events of the day. "You want so much from me but you won't let me tell you how I feel," she continued in a gentle whisper. "I've had so much taken from me in this life, don't you dare take my love away…how dare you…" the angry words came out in a whispered rush. She needed to be upset about it, just for a little bit. "I love you," it came as a relief, rushing off her lips desperately and solidifying in her mind. "But I can only say it when you're sleeping…when you won't hear me…when I can't break your heart…"

A few moments passed but she wasn't sure how many. Looking at the clock made her sick. She'd never get to sleep. She'd be falling asleep on those promised pancakes in the morning. She'd gotten an adrenaline rush from her words. It was big; a _huge_ proclamation that had just come out of her heart. Even if he hadn't heard it, it meant everything. It meant she was okay, that she really _could_ move on…think of _someday_…maybe forever.

"Hey, you're shaking again," Damon mumbled, shifting against her chest. Her body's involuntary motions had woken him. Damn adrenaline.

"Sorry. I'm…I can't sleep…my head's everywhere. I can't relax. But you can...I want you to..." her words were a lullaby; he'd be asleep again soon.

He hadn't even realized he'd fallen asleep to begin with. The soft motion of her fingers against his scalp was the sweetest comfort he'd ever felt. He melted under her touch, into a warm, safe place he'd never known existed before he'd fallen in love with her.

"I guess I was dreaming," he snuggled back into her, the stubble on his cheeks brushing against the bare skin above the dip of her tank top. "It was a good dream," he smiled. "Best I've ever had."

"I'm glad," she went back to stroking his hair. "On the rare occasion that I _do_ have a good dream, I hang onto them. I love them. They say dreams our dream selves know what we really want in life..." Her blue-eyed dream baby toddled through her mind, dumping a bucket of sand on Damon's head. She couldn't help but let out a giggle.

There were no guarantees that it was really _what_ she wanted. But she loved him...and not just her dream-self. He was a promise...hope...something she hadn't felt in years, if ever.

"I love your laugh," his fingers slid under her shirt and to rest his hand on her stomach. "You were laughing in my dream, too. We all were. We were fearless," he said. In his dream, she'd said something she never had before and he'd begged her to say it again and again. It was beautiful from her lips. In his dream, he believed her.

"Good," she swallowed back emotion, the urge to blurt out _I love you_. "I hope you fall right back into that dream again now. I have a dream I'd like to revisit, too, with a few adjustments," she added. "Maybe we'll both be lucky,"

"Yeah, maybe," he whispered. "Tomorrow I'll tell you if I got back to that dream, okay? And you can tell me about yours. And my eye," he added. "I'll tell you about that, too," his words were mumbled now; he was falling asleep again and she was falling in love with him all over again.

She was falling for the way he trusted her, sleeping in her arms like a lost little boy who desperately needed to be loved. Falling for the strong, sexy man he was for standing up to the woman he hated and taking a punch from an unknown drug dealer. For protecting them. For making them the family she never knew she wanted. For being Damon….for teaching her what it was like to really be loved by a man…

"Okay, Damon" she smiled, closing her eyes. "I'd like that."

* * *

**A/N: Not too much action in this one, but such necessary content. We're going to meet someone new in the next chapter, so get ready for that. I'd love to hear thoughts on this one. Thanks for reading! **


	20. Get Out Alive

**A/N: Thanks to my readers for your extreme patience as it took me forever to get to work on this chapter. I know it's been a long time coming and I really appreciate you hanging in there with me. **

**We get a look inside the head of a previous outsider in all of this, and with it came the opportunity for me to write some new character interactions. **

**Thanks for reading! This chapter uses "Get Out Alive" by Three Days Grace. I selected it with Chase in mind, as the unsaid message his parents weren't strong enough to say.**

* * *

**All At Once**

**Chapter 19: Get Out Alive**

"I'm okay, Mom, really," Elena tucked a chunk of her hair behind her right ear and looked up at the bright ceiling lights. Her head throbbed and her stomach churned but she hadn't lied; she really was okay. She was tired and it was June, that said enough. Life was funny sometimes, but not always in the _ha ha_ kind of way. She was older and understood that, but she could remember what it was like 11 Junes ago…what it felt like to be 19, to be empty and depressed and feel completely alone. She wasn't of course, never had been. She got that now, maybe more than ever.

She didn't have to be reckless and uncommitted and grow old with the wrong idea of what love and life were supposed to mean. Hell, she'd never have love aside from her own parents if it hadn't been for Cade. He'd taught her selflessness, created a love within her that was unchanging and undying. And although it was years later, just like that little bright eyed boy, that love was still with her. It hadn't died, only dimmed. She'd thought she'd buried it or at least pushed it away completely, but she was wrong. It was kicking around in her heart now as she sat in that sticky, vinyl chair in the lobby of a jail that was miles away home. It pounded faster when she realized there was no place else she'd rather be.

"You sound exhausted," her mother's voice was a soothing melody, even over the phone. She'd given her love and warmth and open arms for years and now she just felt guilty for not appreciating it. She'd seen it as babying after a while. Not everything was fixed of course, and it never would be. They'd both have a void in their hearts for the rest of their lives but the string holding their own relationship together was strengthening again. She was 30 years old and it was absolutely, 100% _okay_ to still need her mom. "You guys are still coming home tonight?"

"That's the plan, unless something crazy is happening in there right now," she bit her lip and brought her foam cup of room temperature coffee to her lips, letting the liquid coat her dry throat. "I mean, I'm sure something crazy _is_ happening…but crazy is really a relative term these days…" she trailed off, thinking of the bruises on Damon's face and the story he'd told her that morning. He should've been safe when he left that police station, but they'd found him fast and let him know exactly what they did to guys who messed with their girl Caroline. He was tough but two drug dealers with big fists and a bat had been tougher. He was lucky he hadn't gotten it worse.

But she couldn't go there. If she got stuck on that again she was sure to fall to pieces, plus her mom didn't need to know the dirty details of what they were doing in Virginia. "It's nothing we can't handle, Mom."

They'd often talked as mother daughter but not often talked as friends. Maybe that was the difference. So much was shifting in so little time but the good outweighed the bad.

"I've kind of asked you before and I probably _shouldn't_ ask you again, especially not right now, but considering the circumstances, I feel like I have to," her mother said. Elena knew what was coming, but this time she was ready to answer, honestly, seriously, because she needed to admit it out loud to someone as badly as her mother needed to hear it.

Miranda waited for a sign but when no protest came, she continued. "It's not even a question anymore, really…I can hear it in your voice,"

"Yes," she closed her eyes and waded in the bright circles on the backs of her eyelids. God it was therapeutic to just be honest.

"Are you in…" Miranda paused, deciding it wasn't a good time. She didn't need any more stress than she was already under. If the answer would've been 'yes' that day, it'd still be 'yes' in a few days when they got together for dinner as they'd planned.

"Am I in love with him?" She finished what she assumed was the question her mother had been unable to finish asking. When her mother's only response was a small mewl, she smiled. "Yes, Mom. I am." A rush of relief went through her, body and soul. "I know it's fast and I should be careful but I'm _so_ _sick_ of being careful," she exhaled. "I wake up in the morning and I'm happy to be alive…" her voice caught in her throat at the emotional truths. "And it's not just because I found someone that understands me. It's because he makes _me_ understand me…"

"Elena…" Her mother's mouth was stretched in a mile wide smile. If only her daughter could see; she wasn't the only one blasted with relief and happiness; hearing something so raw and honest come from her daughter's lips was a relief of its own. She'd spent years worrying that Elena would never let herself be truly happy again. She was trying now, it seemed. And nothing that really mattered came without hard work, but Elena was in it, and that meant everything.

But she couldn't hear the joy in her mother's interruption. Miranda was teetering on tears as her daughter's words flowed like a fast and wild river, naturally. "But you're the one who tells me I wasn't meant to mope around and that I should move on and find someone and Damon…" all those sick and worried feelings were simmering below a heaping pot of warm butterflies now, "I know you barely know him and I know I freaked out before when I found out that he was so serious but maybe I've been panicking for nothing. Maybe I've been overthinking because that's what I've always done. If you could see the way he cares for me, Mom, I…"

"If you love him, I love him," Miranda stopped Elena's rambling quickly, ensuring her everything was all good. Maybe it was a crazy thing to say; Elena had claimed to love Jace and Miranda hadn't been able to stand the guy. But Damon was a man and in the short time she'd spent talking with him at dinner, she could gather that he was absolutely nothing like the father of her late grandson. "I'm happy for you, honey…so long as you're happy and going at a pace you're comfortable with. I know what you're doing out there, honey, and from what I can tell, Damon's not the only one you've gotten close to,"

"You mean Chase," she nodded knowingly. "I get what you're saying, but trust me. I know what I'm doing, what _we're_ doing. After these last two weeks with Damon and Giuseppe and Chase running away and Caroline…" she raked a hand through her hair, "All I know is I care about him the way I'm meant to care about him," she swallowed. "And we're taking it one day at a time. It's all we can do. I'm not naïve but I can't live my life everyday thinking someone's going to screw me over again, Mom. I trust them. I trust myself…I never thought I would say that again, considering some of the decisions I made when I was younger,"

"You make me proud," she admitted. "And not just because you've overcome so much. You're a good woman with a good head on your shoulders," her voice was breaking now, "And even though a part of me is worried that you're getting mixed up in a lot of big, scary things across the country right now, I believe you when you say you're okay," she smiled. "Because as back and forth as we've been over the years, I've always known you were strong,"

"Good, because I am," she assured her sweetly, "And thank you…for a lot of things I haven't said thank you for in the past. Thank you for your support and for understanding. I'm going to work this out… all of it. I'm going to straighten out all of this in my head and in my heart. I don't know what that means, but I know I will,"

"I know," she whispered, her voice no longer able to hide emotion. Elena's smile faded as her eyes focused on the blond boy walking out of the back with a guard. She glanced down at the Dodgers cap in her free hand and prepared herself for what was to come.

"Hey, Mom, I have to go," she said quickly. "Thanks for the talk. I'll call you when things have calmed down and we get back home. Thanks for keeping me sane while they were in there…"

"Take care of yourself and those guys of yours…" Elena heard Miranda whisper as they ended the call. She stood up braced herself for the unknown. His face was blank, completely unreadable. She waited for him to say something, anything first. She'd done some quick internet research about kids visiting parents in prison, but no material could've prepared any of them enough, it seemed. She wanted to be the support Chase needed but she knew she'd never really understand. Stefan was a stranger; the only opinion she had of him was a bad opinion. She didn't have memories of him like everyone else, and she was glad for that. Chase needed someone without that history. She was ready to hear whatever he needed to say, good or bad and pass no judgment. Damon hadn't been thrilled, but he'd agreed to take Chase to see Stefan for the simple fact that he was afraid the kid would run away again and do it anyway. Elena had been right the first time; he deserved the choice, as long as he was safe.

Chase walked past her and sat down on a chair, staring across the lobby at the front desk. She stayed in place, standing a few feet in front of him until she decided he wasn't _going_ to say anything. And that was okay. She completely understood and wouldn't dream of forcing it for a number of reasons. She knew what it was like to be 16 and pregnant, to be 19 and lose a child…but she had no idea what it was like to be 14 and have two parents in jail. She hadn't wanted to be pushed to talk when her world came crashing down years ago and she remembered that now. If someone had just sat with her, held her and been there, without words or pity or promises, well…that would've made things a lot better. His silence said enough. He was not okay.

She plopped down in the chair next to him and leaned her head back, resting her neck on the top of the chair and staring at those bright lights again for a minute before glancing to the side. His knees bounced anxiously, as if he wanted to say a million things at once but just couldn't find the energy. Her mouth formed a small smile that spoke volumes and she set his hat back on his head. The silent smile he gave back to her was the greatest gift she could've received. She was going to be there for him no matter what, and he knew it.

* * *

A few hundred feet away Damon's palms were pressed into his eyes and his fingers clawed at the stress lines in his forehead. He had just twenty more minutes of the visit left and he hadn't decided if he was going to sit in silence, leave early, or lay into him now that they were alone.

He was glad Chase had gotten up and left when he had. He'd have gone, too, if he hadn't needed a few minutes alone with his brother to let him know just where things stood. Chase was out there with Elena and thank God for that. There was no doubt in his mind they were taking good care of each other while he did everything in his power to keep their little family safe.

As ideas shifted in his head, his fingers pressed harder into his eyes and he winced; a quick reminder of just how far he'd go to protect them. He'd die if it meant Chase never had to deal with this shit again. That was how people ended up in prison, he realized, doing irrational things out of anger and protection; it was how his stupid brother hand landed himself behind bars. The difference was he did it to protect someone who really only needed protection from herself. It's like they were raised by completely different people, he thought. When it came right down to it, they had been. His inherent need to be good had come from the father he'd never known it seemed, now that his mother had shown her true colors. Even when he'd been careless with the women before Elena, he'd always had that little voice in the back of his head reminding him why. It had been out of fear…fear of what letting himself love someone would turn him into.

Somehow, there was good in the Salvatore family name. He'd prove that somehow, and he'd make sure the boy he fully intended to raise knew it, too.

"Look, Damon…" Stefan's voice gave out as his throat went dry. He swallowed thickly but no relief came. In that prison, truly clean, truly separated from all the toxins his life had revolved around, he was lost. He was alone with his thoughts and memories, and because he had practically no relationship with his son, the only solid, happy memories were of the blue eyed man in front of him…running, laughing with their entire lives ahead of them. Now all that seemed like it was never real. The cold that gathered in Damon's eyes told him everything there was to know. Those little boys were as good as dead. These men were strangers.

"You have got to be _fucking_ kidding me," Damon shook his head. "You've done a lot of stupid shit over the years but this? And what the hell were you thinking with your answers to his questions? He put a lot of thought and time into getting it right today. You think it's easy for a kid to have limited time with a parent when he's got a million questions as to he has such an awful father?" He paused, but not because he wanted his brother to interrupt; he was out of words. It had been years since he'd been face to face with the man who used to be his hero. He talked a lot of stuff about Stefan, sure, but Elena was right. He did still care. It bothered him that this was the way things had turned out, and as much as he wanted to deny it, he was still feeling the aftershocks, years later. The best part of his childhood was now his biggest disappointment.

How many times could he say the same things before his stupid big brother would finally understand? Chase suffered for every poor decision Stefan made. Not just the drugs. Not just Caroline. It was the missed opportunities…the baseball games that were never played…the conversations that had never happened. Those were simple, basic moments that they'd never get. Damon completely understood that those moments weren't to be taken for granted. He hadn't had them as a kid, either. It was truly and horribly amazing that Stefan had witnessed Damon being stepped on over and over again as a child, ignored….yet history repeated itself, didn't it? There was a reason that phrase had become so well-known. Sure, he'd neglected Chase in different ways than Giuseppe had Damon, but the end results were the same; a boy left thinking he hurt everyone he touched in the world.

Turned out the 'biggest mistake' Stefan had ever made had been the last good thing he'd done. Chase was the rainbow; he was the green grass after the huge storm. He was the final piece of good of the Stefan he'd adored. And yeah, he'd never admitted it out loud, but there'd been moments when he'd looked so hard at his nephew across the room and seen just that. He saw a living, breathing version of the brother who would've died to save him instead of nearly getting him killed.

One bad parent was crappy enough. But two was just downright unfair. And if Stefan was the 'good' parent, things were beyond messed up in their little twisted family. He'd never thought he was _Father of the Year_ material, but since the divorce, he'd assumed he'd been at least decent. The news that Stefan was pulling away from Caroline had come as a surprise, but he hadn't let himself believe they were done. Clearly he had been right, even if everyone had called him a skeptic. He'd spent years blaming Caroline for ruining Stefan's life.

But Damon had been a kid back then and as much as he wanted to believe he knew the reasons why things had fallen apart, he didn't. He'd grown up since then, and a lot of that maturing had happened over the last few months. Love was powerful and made a person stupid sometimes. It hadn't seemed like a good enough answer back then, and it still wasn't, but he at least knew what it felt like to feel that kind of attachment. Lucky for him he'd fallen in love with someone good…wonderful, actually. So wonderful she was out there now, probably holding Chase together while he cleaned up this mess.

So yeah, love was powerful and consuming and it made people do things they may have never dreamed of doing, but it wasn't brainwashing. Stefan had a choice, he chose wrong, and unfortunately his poor discretion had affected more than just his life. It was a miracle Chase had turned out so well.

"I feel like hell if it makes you feel better," Stefan said, breaking Damon's thoughts. "Jesus, I screwed up…"

All his thoughts slammed around in his brain but he could only come up with one thing to say. He looked his brother right in the eye and said, "I don't feel bad for you,"

"Didn't think you would," Stefan shrugged but the hard lines in his forehead showed more stress than his words let on. "I told you, I get it…"

"I don't," Damon snapped, "I find it hard to believe that a few months in jail has made room for common sense that you've been lacking for the last 15 plus years. And I don't get how I could beg you, for years, to leave her, to make a better life for yourself and Chase and you refused. And now here we are," he waved his hand at the dull prison walls, "and you expect me to think you've had some epiphany, that a few nice apologetic words to your son are automatically going to fix everything… I mean after all that bullshit at the start, of course…"

"No…" he frowned. "I don't, I….shit, I know things are messed up," he ran his hand through his hair. "But what the hell am I supposed to say?"

"You're selfish," Damon interrupted. "You know things are messed up? That's the fucking understatement of the year!" He yelled. "What the hell happened? I could accept you were stupid but I never thought it would come to this," he paused. "Some _always_ this is, huh?"

"Okay…" Stefan nodded. "Yeah, you're right,"

"No, let me finish," he interrupted. "Look at yourself! God, you've been screwing up for years but none of it really mattered when you were a kid! I am _not_ them, okay? I will not turn a blind eye to this. I will not chalk it up to a bad choice. You're a grown man for God's sake and it's time you acted like one! It was all fun and games until you the life you started ruining wasn't just your own!"

An image of Damon crashing through the window slammed into his memory. "Baseball, now this…" he said seriously, looking Damon right in the eye. "I ruined _your_ life,"

"Forget baseball!" Damon threw arms up in the air, "And forget me…my life's fine without it," he said it without thinking. It was something he'd never truly said out loud and meant. His life had always been missing something. He'd thought it was baseball, but now he knew that wasn't it. He'd been missing companionship. "I'm talking about your kid! Have you ever, even once, put him first? Have you ever chosen to do something because it was best for him?"

Stefan fell silent and it was all the answer Damon needed. It went without saying that Damon _did_ put Chase first. Here he was, miles from home and work and the carefree life he'd led because his nephew had become more than a responsibility or obligation. He'd become a core part of his life.

"Yeah, that's what I thought. Your efforts to 'help' Caroline," he threw air quotes up with his words, "were shit and you knew it. Your kid needed a role model and you taught him nothing more than how to make excuses for things. And now? Well somehow this little mistake of yours has benefited him for the simple fact that it means he can't be with you," his eyes darkened. "And _that_ is the best thing that could've happened to him...for him to be taken away from you and Caroline and the mess you call a family,"

Stefan's face fell into his hands and he squeezed his head. He wasn't surprised and he deserved to hear it. It's just that he heard it every single day, every single night as he tried to fall asleep, because it came from his own conscious. He knew Damon was right. Chase deserved more than he had given him…more than he could probably ever give him. But twenty minutes was hardly enough time to go into all of that, and his brother wouldn't believe him anyway, he figured.

"Yeah," he said simply, unsure of how to continue. "I guess I don't know what to do, other than what I _said_ I'd do. And I will do that. I just don't know what else to do to fix this,"

"Of course you don't," Damon smiled bitterly, hating that his brother was still searching for pity. "Mom and Giuseppe have been protecting you for years, but even they can't save you from this mess. You've never had to fix anything yourself. You did this to yourself. You chose to walk away from your son. All he wanted was to know you cared about him…" Damon's heart pounded in his chest. He was caught somewhere between the present and his own past with a 'father' who didn't give a damn. He'd made his own way, somehow, because he'd had to. And Chase had somehow done the same…but their stories would end differently.

The truth was Damon and Stefan were both too good at playing the victim. Stefan was more obvious about it, of course, but hadn't he pushed people away his entire life because of his own hang ups? He'd never loved before Elena, and when she'd told him in not so many words that she loved him, too things had shifted. His was a fragile man; more fragile than anyone knew. His heart was hers, completely, even though she'd warned him against it. And he'd played the victim in the worst way possible at their first real argument without even realizing it. Yeah, he and Stefan were alike in some ways. He got that now.

"I told him the truth," Stefan frowned. "He knows what I meant. I _am_ sorry, but it doesn't change a thing, does it? He knew what he wanted to say but the truth is I can't up with anything because no matter what I say it'll just disappoint him more."  
"This is going to sound mean, but yeah. You're probably right," the answer came quickly, because unlike his parents, he didn't patronize him. He was as unstable as it got; there was no sense in walking on eggshells. "You're far too late now. But don't worry, brother, I'm taking care of everything you didn't have the balls to handle yourself," he said confidently. "I turned Caroline in for the drugs, and before you open your mouth and start up on me, it's for the best. God knows I can't stand her, but she _will_ die, and soon. You love her so much? You tried to save her in all the wrong ways. What the hell kind of love is that? Is that what you want your kid to grow up thinking? You want him to grow up and become you? A liar…a coward…"

"No, of course I don't,"

"And he won't, because he's a good kid and somehow he knows better. He's not perfect and I'm not going to lie. He's self-doubting about things a kid should never even have to think about. That's on you, brother. Sit on that for a while. Think about that. I wasn't just begging you to leave Caroline because you weren't paying attention to me anymore,"

"You've never understood us…" he shook his head. "You think I don't know the kind of shape she's in? I spent years in a haze, drunk, afraid I'd roll over and find her dead. We did the rehab thing. It didn't work. Even after we divorced...you don't just stop caring for someone you were married to, got it? It shifted…I cared for her in a way she didn't get from anyone else in that I did everything and anything to make her happy. Yeah, by that point I wasn't _in_ love with her so much as I just loved her and feared for her. I didn't stand up to her, you're right, but isn't this the way you always knew it would end?"

"Trust me, I'm not happy I was right," Damon said seriously. "And look, we've got ten minutes here. There's no time to go into all of that now," he shook his head, exhausted, "Just tell me one thing. Just real quick…" he licked his lips and Stefan nodded. "How in the hell do you expect us to ever trust you again?"

"I don't," Stefan said seriously. "But I'm in jail, not dead. It's not over," he breathed. "That's what I tell myself at night when I go to bed. If I didn't, well…" he focused on the blue of Damon's eyes. They used to look at him as if he held the world in the palm of his hand. But he felt like the little brother now, silently pleading for forgiveness that would probably never come. He didn't deserve it, either, he knew. But he couldn't go to bed and wake up every morning thinking there was nothing left to live for. "Well, I just can't think about that…"

Damn it. Damon hated everything his brother had become and everything he'd done, but he couldn't honestly hate _him_. He could despise what he stood for and be disappointed but unlike Caroline, Stefan was blood. He'd been goodness, sometimes the only goodness he'd known as a child. And for every bad thing Stefan did, Damon learned what not to do. He was angry and bitter and there were things that couldn't be forgotten. He wanted Stefan to suffer a little, to realize what his actions had done, to be accountable for one damn thing in his life…but he didn't want him to hate himself. It would just be a long time, maybe forever, before he could ever believe a damn word that came out of his mouth again.

Lies were a weakness of Damon's, of course. He feared them, and it was clear why. Every bad moment with Elena had come out of fear of lies…fear of being left alone. He'd been afraid of those things with Stefan, too, when he'd first started to distance himself in high school. As it turned out, their childhood was filled with lies. They'd both been lied to, hadn't they? Or hadn't they? He was angry as hell with Janie, but if they had to share a parent, he was happy it was her and not Giuseppe.

"I'm going to ask you something…." He breathed out slowly and gritted his teeth briefly before he gained the courage to throw it out there. "And I swear to God you better tell me the truth…" Stefan frowned. "Because I just can't take this shit anymore….did you know about Giuseppe?"

"What about him? You mean his heart?" Stefan blinked.

"What about his heart? No…" Damon waved the idea off, "I mean all that shit about how you started to ignore me…is it because you knew?" The words flowed fast because he was at risk of just saying _fuck it_ and pretending it didn't matter. The truth was it did. "Did you find out that Giuseppe isn't my father and that's why I stopped mattering to…" he cringed, realizing he sounded like a little boy. He sounded weak and needy and for God's sake he was supposed to be the strong one. But he'd asked the question and it was too late to take it back.

"What the hell are you talking about?" Stefan's face crunched into hard lines. "I know you hate Dad but he's…"

"Your Dad. I hate _your_ Dad," he clarified. "For everything he put me through. For making me feel like shit and lying to me…or us or whatever for years and for the stupid way it all came out. I hate that he acted like you could do no wrong and that he fed into the way you turned out," he slammed his fist on the counter, searching for a sign that Stefan was lying, withholding. But why would he lie now? What good would it do to lie about something that was over and done with? No, his brother was dumbstruck, alright. And for once, it calmed him. "I mean, we're not really brothers after all, we're half-brothers,"

"I didn't know. You were always my brother. Even when we didn't get along, you were still…I just hated that you couldn't accept what I wanted with her," he frowned. The words came slowly, as if it was all sinking in. But the more he thought about it, the more it made sense. He'd known full well that he'd been the favorite; now it was clear why. The information floored him. The truth was he'd pulled away at first because he was a stupid teenager who thought he was too cool to hang out with his little brother. Later, as he got into drugs and alcohol and it became clear that he was nothing but bad news for the kid, he'd stayed away to keep Damon away from it all. It wasn't because he stopped loving him. These were the truths that had never come out. It didn't matter now, of course. He'd had plenty of time to fix it and he hadn't and now things were probably beyond repair or forgiveness.

"What the hell…that's stupid, that's…"

"It's the best news I could've ever heard," he said honestly. "It's just taken awhile to realize it," his guard was down for just a moment before it flew back up. Stefan was still an idiot and a bad father, but there was a relief that came from the fact that he hadn't lied to him about Giuseppe, too.

"I would have told you…" he tried. "You being my half-brother wouldn't have changed my opinion of you at all…I mean, damn, I had no idea, D, really." Damon jumped at the nickname. It had been years. He rattled quickly back into reality.

"Just stop," Damon frowned. "Don't try to make this a Kodak moment or something. I just wanted to hear it. It's done. It's whatever…" he breathed, feeling like it was time to go. "Let's just be clear about something here, okay? If it's true that you've had some time to think and you actually do regret what you've done, and I don't just mean murdering someone, good. But don't ask me to forgive you right now, okay?"

"Yeah…"

"Good, and don't expect your kid to beg to see you again anytime soon after what you _didn't_ say to him, either," Damon nodded, his brow set sternly. He meant it; he was ages away from mending things with Stefan, and it was obvious that Stefan knew it. But they'd had a conversation…a Caroline interruption-free conversation, and that meant there was nothing more than their own issues between them. "And just so you know, Chase is a good kid and I plan to make sure it stays that way,"

"D…" he started, but he saw his brother's shoulders tighten. "Damon, yeah um, with all the shit that's between us, I just wanted to say that it's cool you're good with having Chase. I know it's not something you wanted but it's cool," he cleared his throat. "So, yeah, thanks…"

"You have no idea what I want," he said seriously as he walked out the door. He didn't know _half_ of what he wanted. He was heading in that direction now, with a pounding heart and a head that felt clearer than it had in a long time. He was finally able to say some of what he'd always needed to say without Stefan being able to walk away.

* * *

The bits of tension that remained melted away at the sight of her. Elena and Chase were laughing. He had no idea about what, but it didn't matter. The point was they'd found a way around how depressing this all was…at least for a few minutes. This was what it was all about, seeing her, them happy was what made everything better. He sent a silent thank you to the sky that he'd waited so long to fall in love. He couldn't imagine being with anyone but Elena ever again.

She stood the instant their eyes locked. Much as she had with Chase, she was searching his face for any indication of how it had gone. She'd been afraid for Chase, knowing someone as vulnerable and impressionable as he was could very easily get hurt from one or two wrong things said. Damon was capable of holding his own, she knew. They hadn't discussed what he'd planned to say, but she was sure it wasn't an easy reunion. She'd have guessed he'd laid into him pretty good, but was visibly shaken now. He didn't look fired up for finally ripping into his brother.

"Ready to go?" She asked, catching his fingers in between hers. This was why he loved her. It wasn't _how'd it go?_ right away from her. She knew he wasn't one to push out emotions right away. He'd tell her what she needed to know; she wasn't going to press for any information. The way she saw it, it was between the brothers as long as no one was at risk. "We're still leaving tonight, right?" She brushed over his right cheek with the backs of her fingers, but he cringed when she made contact with a bruise on his cheekbone and she pulled away quickly. "I'm sorry…"

"Don't be. I'd do it again," he assured her. "But hopefully, I won't have to. And yeah, we're leaving tonight. I'd love to catch any earlier flight if we good. I want to get the hell out of her as soon as we can. You good with that, Chase?" he met eyes with his nephew who looked equally exhausted. They'd have some talking to do later, if the kid was up to it. Things would be happening; it was only a matter of when. For now it was a promise that would probably be broken. Stefan talked a lot of stuff and rarely owned up to it. This would be the difference. He'd believe it when it happened.

"Yeah, I want to go home," he nodded. "I've got some serious explaining and apologizing to do if I ever want to play baseball again. And there's Natalie…that could go either way," he shrugged.

"And it'll all be fine," Elena insisted. "Whatever happens, it'll be fine."

"I know," he stood up and adjusted his cap. "And stuff here…it'll be fine, too, right Damon?"

"We'll see," he wasn't going to lie and get the kid's hopes up. What Stefan had promised wouldn't make up for everything he'd done and _not_ done over the last 15 years, but it would save his kid. If Stefan really meant what he said about being sorry and wanting to do right by him, he'd make the right decision. He'd protect his kid for the first time in his life. "We've got a few hours before we even need to get to the airport," he looked at his cell.

"We could go there now, turn in the cars, go through security early, grab something to eat and just settle down a little. Might be nice to know we're on our way home," she smiled sweetly as he held the door open for them.

In a moment they were at the cars, ready to briefly separate and head into the airport. "You okay to drive?" She asked carefully. "We could always figure something out for this other car," Chase slid into the passenger's side of Damon's rental and closed the door, waiting.

"I'm good," he kissed the worry lines on her forehead before she ducked into the car. "We'll talk later…when we get home..." he closed her door as he saw her roll down her window. After her sunglasses were in place, she rested her chin on the arm that hung out the window. "Will you come home with us tonight? I want to sleep by you, in our, I mean _my_ bed," it was an intentional slip up, to see how she'd react, but she didn't flinch at all.

"Yes," Of course she would. She wouldn't dream of sleeping anywhere but in bed with him that night or any other night for that matter. That little revelation brought up the whole key situation, but there were better times for that discussion.

He lowered his voice and smiled. "I want to make you breakfast before I go to work and have possibly the shittiest and most distracted first day back, and I want to come home to you and remember why it's all worth it," he leaned down and pressed a kiss to her lips. "And do it all over again the next day…and the next day…" his thumb ran over her lower lip and she smiled, blushing. "And I'm going to ask you to stay, every night, until I don't have to ask anymore," he took a deep breath, changing the subject before she had a chance to dispute it. "Okay," he slapped his leg nervously, "let's hit the road before the traffic turns to hell. Drive safely…turn signals…all of that,"

"Damon," Chase called from the other car, "You're going to be away from her for literally an hour. It's going to be okay,"

"Wow, man, she's right here. Way to kill the mojo," he shot back with a grin. The kid had a way to lighten the weirdest of moments and he could be thankful for that.

"Sweetheart, I'm not with you for your mojo," she smiled brightly and tapped his hand softly. "Now listen to the kid and let's go,"

"Right," he held his hand up in a wave and jogged around to the other car to hop in and start the engine. He clicked on his seatbelt and looked to his right to wave Elena to go forward.

Chase let out a descending whistle followed by the sound of an explosion. Damon's eyebrows rose and he smiled. It was hard not to, which was crazy, considering what he'd just been through.

"What was that?"

"You are so gone when it comes to her. So gone…but it's cool. I mean, it's nice."

"Yeah, it is," he put the car into drive. "But hey, it's easy to talk about Elena because well she's just fun to talk about, but really, are you okay about your Dad?"

"I don't know yet. Not sure I can trust him," he grabbed his backpack from the backseat of Damon's rental and dragged it into the passenger's seat with him. "I'll let you know when I figure it out."

"I'm sorry for what he said and didn't say…"

"Hey, you're not him. You don't have apologize for him. His opinion doesn't matter to me because mine has never mattered to him," he shrugged. "When this crap blows over, if it does, he won't be my Dad any more than he was before he went to prison,"

"I'm with you, kid," he nodded. "But honestly, he started out kind of shitty, I thought,"

"Totally," he agreed. "But then something clicked in him. I don't get it. And I don't know if I buy it, but it's too late now. Are you angry that I said what I did? It just came out and…"

"Chase, he's your dad. You can say whatever you need to say to him. I just want you to be safe, but I get that you have to get things off your chest. I don't know if I trust him either, but we're going to work this out. If we have to come back, we will. And it's like you said before we got here, if you have to go to the police, you will. I was against it at first, but I support you. We'll get a lawyer or something. We'll protect you. Nothing will happen to you for being honest if you have to," Something had shifted inside of Damon, too. Things were more real. In that jail he'd felt more like Chase's father than he ever had before. There, in front of the kid's birth father, he realized Stefan was just that: a birth father. And even though he'd said a lot of things, that'd was probably all he was ever going to be now. Everything had changed and Damon knew exactly why that something Chase had mentioned had 'clicked' inside of Stefan. It was the second he saw the way the kid interacted with his uncle. It bothered him and although it was selfish, Damon loved that.

"I want to believe him, just this once, then never again," he managed.

"Me too. If I've ever needed him to come through on anything, it's this. I said some stuff to him, okay? I made it clear where we stand and what I think of what he did to you. You don't need the details, but I just want you to know. I'm not the best with saying how I feel, but I want you to know that there is nothing I wouldn't do for you. You know that, right?"

"Like getting beaten up…"

"What, these?" He smiled knowingly, pointing to his eye.

Chase rolled his eyes. "Yeah, those. And yeah, I know you've got my back. And you know what? I've got yours, too," he said immediately. "And Elena, too. And I know I'm the reason we're down here and that I made some of this mess, but I mean it when I say I've never been more excited to go home," he sighed. "So yeah, we're cool, no matter what. And if things change with my Dad and he somehow gets out…I don't want to go back to him or Virginia. I don't trust him and I don't think he's done with my Mom. I don't think he's done with the drugs or the lying or the alcohol. If I can't stay with you…"

"Hey that is _our_ ratty little place, okay? You can stay as long as you want," he gave him a lopsided smile, not wanting bring up the custody on such a heavy day. "But I did want to ask you something, and Elena…so tonight when we get home I say we order a huge pizza and decompress,"

"Yeah, cool," he smiled.

"Go ahead," Damon waved toward him. "The headphones. I know you want to put them in and that's okay. Go ahead, I won't get angry,"

Chase nodded and pressed them into his ears, tuning out the stress of the day as they pulled off behind Elena's rental and headed back to a warmer, safer world where it was just the three of them. They still had their entire lives ahead of them, and the future had never felt brighter.

* * *

Inside that dim jail Stefan was wrecked. He was back in his cell and pacing…gritting his teeth and running his fingers nervously along the bars. He was drowning in the image of his boy and his brother, deafened by the sounds of their disappointed words. He deserved it…all of it, and he knew it. He was a bad father and a bad brother and he was the only one to blame. It was one thing to care for Caroline and want to help her and a completely different thing to cover up her mistakes. Now they were both in jail and neither and no use to each other at all. They were some crazy, careless kids back before they'd gotten pregnant, and even though he'd been high at the time, he'd thought a baby would fix them. He thought it would clean them up, make them responsible. He'd _meant_ to be responsible.

He'd cleaned up and so had she, for nine months. They were going to prove everyone wrong, make something of themselves. He even went to counseling because he wanted to provide for his family, but it had fallen to the wayside. They were seen as a charity case, babied by his parents again and his brother, the person that meant the most to him had practically disowned him at the news of the pregnancy. Yeah, he'd kept his distance from Damon because he knew he'd disappoint him. He knew he'd screw up again and he couldn't take the idea of hurting him all over again, of getting his hopes up for nothing. Damon was safer that way, he thought, but now he realized how wrong he'd been. Damon had been the only real person in his life. He called him out on his shit, even as a kid.

Their parents gave him the benefit of the doubt every time, and while that made life easy, it didn't make it right. He just wasn't man enough to do without them, to stand on his own two feet. He needed them, even though he knew it had turned into him using them more than was right.

Now he'd done it. He'd thought of a ton of different questions Chase would ask him when he'd heard they planned to visit. But Chase had come right out, balls to the wall, and asked the one question he hadn't thought of and he'd worded it in the sickest, most devastating way possible.

"_If you could go back and not have me, would you?"_ The words rattled in his head, tearing him down. His kid was ballsy, alright. No 14 year old kid should ever have to ask his dad that question.

Silence had hung in the air for a while until it became clear that he just wasn't going to answer. That was worse, he realized. The fact that it hadn't been an automatic 'of course I would' made it worse. He didn't want to lie but it wasn't for the reasons he probably now thought. If he could go back and change everything he wouldn't have slept with Caroline at all. He wouldn't have let himself near her enough to fall in love with her. But if he could go back and have a son with someone else, fall in love with someone else, he hoped he would've still gotten Chase. His son was a good kid and he'd blown every opportunity to tell him that.

Then he saw Damon's hand squeeze his kid's shoulder and Chase visibly relaxed. That's when it changed. That's when he realized he shouldn't be bitter that Damon was doing a good job with his son. He shouldn't be jealous or angry because he'd _had_ those chance himself and blown them. He should be happy and grateful that the man who he thought hated any and everything that had to do with him would care so deeply and wholly for his son.

"_How far would you go to protect Mom? Did you protect her again, Dad? I just want you to know…I want it to stop. All of it. I want you to stop doing what you're doing and be honest with yourself and me, Dad. Please. Just once. Mom doesn't deserve what you do for her…Mom's going to die…"_

He'd watched his brother's eyes well up with tears at that moment and it was like a punch to the gut. Damon loved the kid. He cried for the kid. God, he was guilty enough as it was. Now he felt worse. Damon was the good boy, _man_ that he knew he would turn out to be. It didn't matter what Stefan did or didn't do; Damon was a better man than he'd ever be. He was the kind of man who should raise his son.

"_I've done you wrong. Both of you."_ Stefan had answered. _"But it sounds like I'm just saying that because that's what people do in prison, right? They reflect and realize just where they messed up," _he sighed. _"You're right…yeah you're right, kid." _He'd had to keep it vague, watch what he said so he didn't give Chase any information that others might hear. For the first time he was going to make the right decision for himself, for his kid. He'd still be in jail. He'd still helped….hell, the truth was he didn't even know which one of them had delivered the blow that had killed the guy. He'd just wiped the weapon and taken all the blame. He'd seen no sense in both of them being in prison. But he heard Chase say how bad Caroline was now, how she was still with dealers and was probably days away from an OD before Damon had called the cops. Caroline needed prison. She needed the time to detox and reflect, and so did he. They both needed a reality check. When Caroline got out of jail and went back to drugs, there was always the chance that those dealers Chase talked about would go after her kid for what Damon had done. Chase had been through enough. He was going to put an end to this, all of it. And he was going to do it that night.

"_I'm not a kid anymore. I mean, I am, but I can handle this, if I have to. Please don't make me have to, Dad…" _Chase had said, choking on tears that didn't want to come. _"I…I have to go now," _his son had said, and with that he'd walked out and not looked back. Stefan watched him sadly, knowing in his selfish heart that he had to be honest, if it was the last thing he did. He had to honor the only wish his son had ever asked of him. And he would. Right now.

"Guard!" He yelled, "Guard I have a confession, get someone here, now…I need to say something! My wife…my ex-wife…there's more to my story than they know…"

* * *

**A/N: I'd love to hear thoughts on Stefan and on the whole Damon/Stefan conversation. I chose to write the Chase/Stefan conversation as a memory of Stefan's after much deliberation. There may be more opportunity with them in the future if Stefan behaves himself. I know, not much Delena interaction, but she played a huge role in the reason why Damon and Chase were able to keep it together as they left Stefan. More Delena soon, as there are some big conversations coming up! Thanks again for your time and reviews! I'm really glad I finally found time to write again!**


	21. Happy Everafter In Your Eyes

**A/N: Been looking forward to getting this one out. I've got about another three chapters planned for this story. Thank you so much for all of the time and effort you've put into reading and reviewing. **

**For all of you who've hung on through the angst and drama wishing we'd finally get some happiness, this one's for you. :-D Someone finally got hit with the honesty truck and we can all be thankful for that! **

**I picked "Happy Everafter In Your Eyes" by Ben Harper for this one. **

* * *

**All At Once**

**Chapter 20: Happy Everafter In Your Eyes**

"This is the best burnt pizza I have ever had," Elena teased, leaning her head against Damon's shoulder as they sat cross-legged on the ground by the coffee table.

"Yeah it's kind of like a surprise. I don't know what I'm eating right now," Chase smirked at them. "Is this an olive or a pepperoni? I don't know and I don't care!" He winked at Elena and she laughed.

"So I dozed off for a minute," Damon put the last bite of crust in his mouth and wiped his hands with a napkin. Elena sighed and looked up at him with gentle eyes.

"Okay, this is hilarious, but I'm ready to shower and crash," Chase was seated on the floor across from them, his back against the couch and legs stretched out under the coffee table. "School in the morning and all that. Just a few more days and it is officially summer," he yawned and picked himself up to carry his foam pizza plate to the garbage can. "I'll be home later than normal, I hope. If I'm lucky, coach will let me back on the team. If not this year then at least next,"

It was 10 p.m. and they'd been home from the airport for three hours. Just before Chase headed off to his room he sent Damon a quick nod of approval. Damon knew exactly what his nephew meant.

Their time together in the car had turned out to be more productive than either would have guessed. The headphones had come off of the boy's ears just two songs after he'd put them on and they'd talked. Chase's announced exit from the living room that day wasn't just about needing rest; he wanted to give them time alone. They'd dropped everything for him, the least he could do was give them a chance to relax.

"See you for breakfast?" He called out to Elena and she nodded with a smile before he walked down the hall and let his bedroom door cracked open.

Damon reached for the remote from where he sat and clicked the power button to _off_. "No CSI:Wherever or Unsolved Mysteries for us tonight," he stood and grabbed Elena gently the under the arms to get her to stand so he could walk her to the couch. As he let himself crash down on the soft material, she fell into place in front of him, sitting between his open legs with her back to his chest. Absentmindedly, he twisted the ends of her hair between his fingertips and rested his forehead between her shoulder blades.

"My answer is yes," she said quietly, living in his touch as she stared off at a picture of the three of them that hung on the wall. She swallowed audibly before her emotions got the best of her. She loved that picture. It was taken at her parents' house when things had first started to take off. They'd made strides in their relationship since then, even though it hadn't been that long ago. Her heart pounded harder as she felt him press his lips to the nape of her neck, working over the skin until her body was covered with goose bumps.

Afraid she was going to lose herself in the moment and never get the words out that she wanted to say, she took a breath. "Did you hear me, Damon?" He was easy to get lost in.

"I heard you…" his fingers went up to release her hair from the tie that held in a messy bun. "But I've asked you so many questions these last few weeks that I'm afraid I'm thinking we're talking about different things," he continued the kissing. "You'll have to be more specific," he whispered in her ear and a rush of heat flooded her.

"Okay, this is great, but I really have something to say. I mean I _really_ need to say this so can we put a bookmark in this page for a second and come back to it?" She inched away from him and tucked her mussed hair behind her ears nervously. The scent of his cologne lingered in the thick strands and she smiled, loving even the simplest ways he was with her. His dark eyes nearly set her off but she held it together enough to remember what she wanted to do. The journey to her purse took forever, it seemed. But she found her keys easily and pressed them into his hand before she held the shiny one he'd given her out in front of him.

"My answer is yes. I want to move in here with you," she pointed to the key that he'd given her and smiled. "I'm going to put it on my ring right now. I talked to Andie and we're working out the rent details. No turning back," She lowered herself down on his left knee and ran her fingers through his hair. He was still and quiet. "This is what I want,"

She was left hanging for a minute, her stomach aching with worry that she'd done or said something wrong. But how could she? It had been his idea to begin with. Everything he'd said in the parking lot of that prison suggested that his big plans for her were all but finalized.

He looked sick or nervous but she hoped it was just the exhaustion of the last few days. He slipped it from her fingers and tucked it into his pocket. A familiar sting found the back of her eyes with the realization that he'd taken it away from her.

Okay, so maybe that day wasn't the best day to take such a big step.

"You still want that, right?" She whispered, trying to get a read on him. "I know you've got a lot on your plate right now. I can help with the rent, or if you'd rather we wait until things with Chase calm down a little…"

He could barely hold it in. If she kept staring at him with her big eyes he was going to break. They'd been desperate for normal and that's exactly what he wanted to give her. Normal wasn't a tiny, grimy apartment that barely accommodated two, let alone three. Had he really expected her to live and be happy in a place like that? He cringed at the thought. He'd been so desperate to keep her that he hadn't thought of her comfort. Before the madness, before the Giuseppe drama and the unexpected trip to Virginia, the possibility of a future with Elena seemed far away, as if it couldn't be real. He'd given her the key right in the middle of it and now that seemed selfish. _Welcome to my world of crazy. Here's a key, but make sure you lock the deadbolt_ _because I have a drug-addict ex-sister-in-law and a murderer for a brother and my father…_

Whatever had changed between them over the last few weeks was more than he could've hoped. And although he'd chosen quite possibly the worst time to ask her to be a bigger part of his life she was diving in headfirst and fearlessly, it seemed. She'd made so many little changes for him; it was time he made some changes for all three of them.

"Let's take a walk," he pulled her in and kissed her temple.

"What's the matter, Damon?" she sighed, frustrated. "Just be honest with me, please. If you're not ready for this after all,"

"Just a walk, Elena," he repeated. "Please,"

"No," she shook her head, heartbroken. "I'm too tired for all of that tonight. And well, to be honest, I'm confused and upset here," she frowned. "Maybe we should just go to bed and talk about this tomorrow when you get home from work,"

"Do you trust me?" His hands went to the sides of her face and he focused on her big eyes. They were filled with tears and he felt like an ass. But he _wasn't_ good at romance and he'd told her that before. This was proof of it.

"You know I do," she released a shaky breath.

"Then what's the matter? Take a walk with me," he tipped his head toward the door. "Fresh California air will do us some good. You know, little smog…little diesel…so romantic," he winked.

She forced herself to not smile. He was too handsome and too charming and she was too in love with him to say no. The truth was she trusted him with everything. If he told her to close her eyes and run across a busy street she would, if he was holding her hand. She trusted him with her life like she'd never trusted anyone before. But enough was enough. She was sick of not saying what she needed to say and sick of the vague little things they said. It wasn't doing the job anymore. Her heart was seconds away from imploding with frustration and love and the need to make a commitment.

Now that he mentioned it, the air was a bit stale in his little apartment. And it was hot. Really, really hot, actually…

"Don't break my heart," she pled softly as the breeze blew through her hair. She didn't think he would, not for a second, but she needed to say it and he needed to hear it. It was a confession of sorts…the only kind he'd let her say. But things in that department were about to change, too.

He nodded, repressing the smile that was dying to play on his lips. Breaking her heart was nowhere near his agenda, ever. He just wasn't the smoothest at surprises. His stomach jumped with nerves as they got ever closer. This was it; she'd either completely melt or completely freak out. Right now it was hard to guess. He took a breath to clear his head. It was time to think about other things for a few minutes and get her talking. He'd figure out the rest after it had left his lips.

* * *

His fingers slid between hers and he squeezed. "You were quiet on the plane," he noted, staring up at the sky, praying he'd see stars. He didn't know much about romantic setups, but stars helped; he did know that. His eyes met tiny twinkles and he sent a silent _thank you_ above.

"I was reading something…an e-mail from Katherine, actually," she explained. "Every year around this time we usually have a little thing, just a family get together for Cade," the honesty felt good and real. "To remember his life…" he squeezed her hand again and his heart filled with sadness.

They'd been caught up in his life, his doings and it had slipped his mind again. It was June and June was Elena's bad month. She'd been so strong for the both of them. Even she had put it on the backburner during the Chase stuff, and that was saying a lot.

"Anyway, she was telling me they were hoping to do something next Sunday so I said we'd go, if that's okay,"

"Of course it is," he brought his hand up to kiss her knuckles.

"I know you didn't know him but I don't want you to feel out of place with Kat's family,"

"I love your family," he smiled. "And regardless of the whys and hows of it all, they're your family, right? So don't worry about any of that. I didn't know Cade but I'm in love with you," He paused and she smiled. It never got old hearing him say those words. They stopped at an intersection and waited for the WALK to light up. "And I may never completely understand how to be there for you through all of this, but as far as I'm concerned, well, I'd have been lucky to be a part of that little boy's life. And I'm lucky to be a part of yours,"

They walked in silence for a few more moments until the sounds of the ocean met their ears. When her toes touched the sand her mind filled with thoughts of her dream of their future. He led them to the shore and they walked along quietly, leaving their footprints behind for the ocean to swallow.

"It's pretty here, isn't it?" He looked up at the sky. "Kind of makes you forget we're in a big city for a little while. Don't get me wrong; I love L.A. but the older I get the more I realize I think I want to be done with some of this fast lifestyle. Might be nice to settle down a little,"

A chill went through her and her nerves seared. She almost let herself analyze his words but instead listened for a little while longer. Soon enough she'd have the floor and there was a whole lot she needed to say to him.

"You know, I spent years thinking I was okay on my own. I hated responsibility. You know what I did, Elena…" he frowned, "and it's not so unusual for a guy to want that kind of life I guess, but when I think of it now, I just can't believe that was me. The way I approached you makes me sick,"

"Don't think that way," she shook her head. "I've told you before that it doesn't matter. I wasn't exactly doing the best things, either. We're the same, Damon,"

"Still…I didn't know a thing about you. You had the most beautiful eyes I'd ever seen and I just had to have you. It wasn't for work. I just had to have you…" it wasn't the first time he'd said it but he needed her to know how very different things were now.

"You have me," she squeezed his hand and looked up at the moon. "So what's all this about? You nearly turned green when I said I wanted to move in with you. You have a right to change your mind, but if that's the case please just tell me right now. I'm not into guessing games right now. I'm tired and sick about it myself now,"

"I may be better with words than I used to be, but I'm still pretty awful," they walked just a little further. He had to keep her going until they'd reached their destination. "I'm sorry for anything I've ever done or said that's hurt you. I'm sorry for opening my mouth to my mother and yapping about something we hadn't even discussed ourselves. And I'm sorry if any of that has made things harder for us. I guess what I'm trying to say is, I feel like a completely different man than I was when we met. I wanted nothing and now I want too much. I can't get enough of you,"

"What _do_ you want?" She pled, confused by his rambling. He was saying something sweet, she was sure of it, but the intonations in his voice led her to believe he was still nervous.

"I want a family," he said bluntly. "I want you and Chase and maybe a little dog or cat or maybe both," he frowned. "I want to be proud of what I do during the day at work instead of feeling sleazy and arrogant. I want to be proud of the place we live and for you to be able to decorate it however you want. I want real cabinets that hold more than two damn bowls and a garbage disposal. I want a spacious bedroom with a big bed with you in it every night and a fireplace to keep us warm," he smiled. "And I want family dinners with some extra chairs around the table just in case…and some extra bedrooms just in case…" her eyes widened at his words but he couldn't stop. "Honestly, Elena. I respect whatever you want. I will _do_ whatever you want when it comes to our future, but I was kidding myself when I thought I could tell myself to stop wanting what I want. We would make a beautiful family,"

Her heart picked up the pace when she saw him fumbling around in his pocket. _Oh God_.

"Damon wait!" She held out her hand, afraid of what he was going to pull out. If it was in a velvety black box she was going to pass out. "I have to say something and don't you dare stop me…" she gave it a minute to make sure he wasn't going to protest. Then she took a deep breath and continued,

"I had a dream about this beach," she slipped out of her flip flops and dug her toes into the sand. "Maybe not this exact beach, but they all kind of look the same…" she cleared her throat "Anyway, I was happy, _so_ happy…and I was with you," his smile kept the flow going. "It was years in the future because Chase was so grown up. He looked happy and healthy and really relaxed. We all did,"

"We could have that. It's all I want,"

"I know," she answered quickly, the next part dancing on the tip of her tongue, begging to be said. She was by no means certain about what she wanted, but she knew one thing for sure; she wanted a life with them, however ordinary or crazy it may be. The little dream boy who had called her 'mama' had warmed her heart with possibility. That was enough for now. She didn't have to make any big life decisions just then, thankfully. She loved her unconscious-self for finally giving her something to feel good about. Yeah, the Cade thing still broke her heart but it always would. Nothing would bring him back. He'd never be in the little family they could have in the future, but if she'd learned one thing from having so many powerful dreams over the years, she'd learned to read into them.

For years she'd told herself she could be with anyone else because she didn't deserve it, that she'd made poor decisions, that she never wanted a child again because she feared it would feel like she was trying to replace her old life. But the dream had made it clear; she wasn't going to forget her son, even if she had one or two more with Damon. No one was replacing anyone. There was plenty of room for all of them. When it came to her forever, she'd barely scratched the surface.

"We had it all, Damon, and it was so real," she said slowly. "And it was just a glimpse into what I know we could have if we tried. It was amazing,"

"I knew it would be," he fiddled to pull out whatever was in his pocket again but she held his wrist down tightly. "Elena, there's something I want to ask you,"

"Stop a minute," her heart pounded. "I don't know what you're about to do here, but it feels like something big. I can see it in your eyes. You've been acting strangely since we got home. So before you do or say something that's going to send us to a completely different place, I need you to know something," her hands wrapped around both wrists now and she scooted in closely. "I'm in love with you," she got caught up in his eyes and almost forgot the rest of what she wanted to say. "And please don't tell me not to be..." she pled desperately, continuing,

"I love you and Chase and to be honest, sometimes I forget that we haven't always had each other. When I do think back to how this all started I remember how afraid of you I was," she said honestly and he frowned. "But not because I thought you were a jerk or you were going to hurt me. You were amazing and I knew it from the start. I was the one holding us back. You scared me because the second you opened up to me I wanted you, and not just for the arrangement we had going on. I loved you before I let myself believe I could,"

"I know," he said quietly. He'd always known. He said he hadn't been afraid of falling in love with her and he'd thought it worked both ways. Before they'd fought and before everything went south with his family he'd been cruising at top speed. He wanted her to say those words more than he'd wanted anything in his life…even baseball. But the second she took them back he realized just how fast he'd been going. He'd laid his heart on the line. She'd made him believe love was easy until she'd taken it away. That's when he realized why he'd been so quick to dive in. If he had too much time to think he also had too much time to worry and too much time to be afraid of the kind of love Elena could give him. It had only taken a few minor interactions with his family to remember why he'd been so closed off for years. It wasn't that he didn't want Elena to love him; he just needed an unchanging, unregretful love…a love he'd never been given before, not even by his own family.

His plans, his dreams and everything he'd first wanted with her were still very much the center of his heart. It was time to stop playing the broken little boy and start being the man he should've been ages ago. It was time he passed the reigns over to her and let go of some of the control he'd always thought he'd needed to have in his life. She would take care of him. They would take care of each other.

"I'm in love with you and I can't say it enough," she squeezed him. "I won't hold back anymore, believe me, I can't,"

"I do," he pressed a kiss to her lips quickly, then let her continue. Cynics would say he was a mad man for believing a woman who'd been so on the fence had sorted through her problems and committed to him so quickly, but he didn't question it. She was his and she wasn't turning away. He could feel it with every word she said.

"And I'm not going to take it back this time and I never should have the first time. You asked me not to say it unless I knew I'd mean it forever, but we're human Damon. Commitment is the hardest part of being an adult for me because I've chosen wrong so many times before and I've been terrified to do it again…especially with you, and I know why. This is the first thing I have ever really wanted. You're the first man I have ever really loved and if I fail…" she paused before she broke, "I wasn't afraid that loving you was the wrong thing to do. I've just never been so afraid of hurting someone else,"

"You won't," he whispered. He had so much more to say but she was hardly done, he knew.

"No, I probably will. And you'll probably hurt me, too. And Chase, well he's got the power to break all of us to tiny pieces…" she said softly. "But that doesn't mean we shouldn't love each other. I've been afraid of making mistakes for so long but the biggest mistake I've made is not trying. I want to try. Yeah it will all clear up eventually and we'll figure out how to live an ordinary, not-so-boring life, but we'll struggle with something else down the line, and something else after that because that's real life,"

She was beautiful when she let herself be free, he realized. He wanted to memorize everything she said so he could replay it any time he wanted. He'd never felt more loved or trusted anyone more in his life.

"But I know we can make it through all of that and worse, if we have to, because that's what this is all about. Love, support, dependency…it doesn't make me weak like I thought it did. It makes me a part of something that I've been dying to be a part of for my entire life," she swallowed, nearly tapped out. "I want this and I can tell you now that I can't imagine _not_ loving you forever. That's all I know. Maybe that's not good enough for you but it's all I can do right now. So please don't ask me to hide my feelings anymore because holding it in is killing me,"

He shook his head and pulled his hands out of his pockets to pull her into an embrace. "You just said everything I've never known how to say. I was wrong to ask you to keep it to yourself. I could never look at you every day, knowing what you mean to me and not tell you how much I love you,"

"Neither one of us has been here before. I know we're figuring this out together and it's going to take time and we'll probably mess up a few more times before we get used to what this means. As long as we know how we feel, we'll be okay, so….whatever it is that's running through your mind right now, whatever you look so nervous about…my answer is going to be yes…just maybe not tonight, maybe you shouldn't ask tonight…" her voice broke. "Not because I'm afraid, because shit, I should be terrified, but I'm not afraid of being with you forever. That's the easy part now," her throat tightened with feelings she hadn't realized she had. "It's just that for once in my life I want to enjoy something without all the complications. I want to be in love with you and know we've got this amazing future waiting for us and actually feel it all happen as we go. Whatever our life together brings, I'm ready," she whispered and he knew what she meant. Marriage, maybe kids... "And I don't want to miss a thing. I've never had that, Damon, and I'd venture a guess that you haven't either,"

"You're right," he smiled and pulled his writs out of her hold so he could dig back into the pocket of his jeans. Her heart pounded harder and closed her eyes. "And you're right, something big is about to happen, but it won't change _us_ necessarily," he smiled, handing her a key and a pamphlet.

She took it slowly and crinkled her eyebrows. "So…are you saying you _do_ want me to move in with you? I can keep the key?"

"I've wanted that since the day we made that hamburger helper," he smirked, "but I can't ask you to live in my little, ratty apartment. I want you with me, but not there. Keep the key to my place but we won't call it ours. He pointed the pamphlet and she turned it over slowly. "I've been saving my money for years. I have enough for a big down payment. The mortgage would be small. We'd pay it off in no time…" he started nervously. "Or there's this one," he pulled out another pamphlet and pointed straight ahead to a little house facing the water a little ways down the shore. "The one with the tiki lights…if you like that one better. It has four bedrooms and three bathrooms and the kitchen is crazy big with granite countertops and a huge window that overlooks the ocean,"

A house. Not a proposal. This she could take. The rest would come in time, she knew.

She blinked back her tears. It was a beautiful first commitment but an expensive one. After her declaration she would've been ready to say yes to anything he asked. She was kidding herself if she believed she would've really said '_Not right now' _if he'd proposed. No, she'd have said yes and suggested they have a long engagement. But she was glad he'd waited. She appreciated that he'd had this planned before she'd even said a word about forever. It said a lot about him, about both of them.

"You want to buy a house?" She smiled.

"Yeah, I mean, for a second I thought about doing something crazy and just buying it before I told you. I've been looking for a little while. I found this one during that week when we were apart. I saw it and I thought of us. I could picture us there, on the beach in front of it," he admitted. "We were a mess that week but I was going to do this anyway, and if you said no, or if you said you didn't want to be with me, well…Chase and I would've had a nice big house but it would've been missing the best part," he twisted a piece of her hair around his finger. "We could've been moving into that place tomorrow if we wanted, but I couldn't do it. If this is _our_ house and our life, I can't just make that decision without you. I don't want to,"

"This is…wow…" she was rendered speechless. "This is overwhelming," she admitted. "In a good way, of course, but I feel guilty. If we do this, let me help you. I can't ask you to pay for this just because you have more money than me. We should both do this,"

"No way," he shook his head. "If I wanted, I could pay it off in full right away. I have the money from _them_, all kinds of funds that bastard was probably obligated to set up for me," he said roughly, "but I'm not going to use it," he shook his head seriously, "I want to use the money I earned to do this for us. That's honest money. I worked for it. I did some horrible things to earn it, but I earned it nonetheless, and now I finally have something worth spending it on. I'll save that other money for emergencies, and if we never use it, I'll give it to Chase when he's older. I won't raise that boy on money from a bunch of liars. I don't want their help with my family. I don't want them to have any stake on this or us…"

"But you've been living in a tiny apartment for years," she frowned. "Why?"

"Why would I live in a big house by myself? I didn't want to be reminded of empty it would be. Maybe some single people wouldn't mind but I couldn't do it, and I'm glad. This is for us now. It's a step that we were taking anyway, moving in together…it's just better now,"

"Chase knows?"

"Yeah," Damon smiled widely. "He went around with me a little, picked up these pamphlets. He looked kind of excited, that's why I was so surprised when he ran away. He knew I was planning this for all of us. We can look at these and any other house you want as soon as you want to start,"

"So when we were fighting and not talking and all that…how did you know we'd be okay?"

"Like I said, I didn't. But I couldn't think like that. I had to hope and tell myself we'd make it. I'd never done that before…put my faith in someone else…"

"I've never done it with the right person," she added and started walking toward the house with the tiki lights. The waves crashing on the shore hid the sound of his footsteps behind her but she felt his left hand slide around her side and pull into his hip. "Four bedrooms, huh?" she added, quietly.

"Yeah. Well, it's nice to have guest rooms," he dropped his hand from her side and caught her hand in his, "I mean you and Katherine are close. You might be her kid's godmother or something and he or she could stay over in a few years. I could finally put my baseball stuff in an office and Chase could pick out his own stuff…"

"We had a little boy," she blurted out and he stopped, falling behind her a little but their hands stayed linked. She smiled, looking back at him, and explained, "In my dream we had a son. You were building sand castles and you were adorable,"

He blinked a few times, unsure of what to say.

"It's okay," she smiled. "You don't have to say anything. I don't know what to think about that either. It was just a dream, but I just thought you should know. We were happy and it all made sense. We were married,"

His heart soared. He'd known her for less time than it took to watch an entire baseball season from start to finish but he wasn't afraid of what she said. He'd been the one to dream them first.

"I've had that dream too. Not the sand castles…we were out playing catch, but it was the same…a son…and you waved to us out the kitchen window,"

She nodded before he kissed her forehead and looked past her, focusing on the beach house just a little down the way. Their confessions hung in the air for a few minutes but they said no more on the topic. If they had to talk in dreams about it first, they would. Eventually it would be real and all the shit they were stuck in with Caroline and Stefan would feel like just a nightmare.

"You're starting to magnet-walk," Elena pointed out as they wandered down the beach. It was late and they were drained from more than just the plane ride home.

"Yeah, we need to go to bed," he yawned. "I have a mighty pissed-off boss to face in the morning. I hope you enjoy your last day off. Reality outside of us _sucks_,"

"What's Chase going to do this summer? He's too young to work,"

"Summer leagues. I played them every year. They're linked up with the school and it'll get him in good with the coaches, though they already love him. He'll be forgiven. I have no doubt,"

"Speaking of young, when is his birthday?"

"End of the month," Damon smiled. "I know. He's young for his class. That was the only good thing my Mother ever made Stefan do, get him tested to start school early. She knew he was smart but that wasn't the biggest reason for the push. He had to get out of that house…" he sounded sad for a moment, but then rebounded. "We'll do something for his birthday, but we'll be the only family he has there," he said it without thinking, as if Elena was already family. "But he can invite all the friends he wants…even that Natalie girl, if she'll behave herself,"

"That's a good idea….a lot of teenagers to watch, but a good idea. I could ask Kat if she could help. She makes really good cake," Elena beamed and he couldn't help but smile. The littlest of things made her happy. "Do you know what he wants for this birthday?"

"Yeah," Damon rolled his eyes but chased it with a grin. "He wants season tickets to the Dodgers for next year. And yeah, I'll be getting them as soon as they are available," he hung his head in defeat, though it was all in jest. "Go ahead and say it, Elena…"

"You're a good guy."

"I do okay," he shrugged with a smirk. "Stefan said he was going to confess something when we left. He said he was going to make this right and I've got a feeling it involves our least-favorite drug-addict in the world,"

"You think he's going to admit her involvement? Won't that require Chase to come forward with information?"

"You wouldn't believe what went down in that room. He was all _I'm sorry, Damon_ and _I was only trying to save you_. Does he actually think that's going to change things, an apology?" He laughed bitterly. "I don't care what made him the way he was toward me. He didn't have to act that way toward his own son. And Chase seems unaffected but we both know he isn't. I know what it's like to be a little boy and wish my father would care about me. And I'm going to do everything in my power to take that feeling away from him, but some damage is already done. I can't take those bad memories away,"

"Did you mention your plans for custody once this is all decided?"

"No…but I get the feeling it wouldn't be much of a fight. He basically said he knew he was a bad Dad. He thanked me for what I'm doing…and I wasn't about to get all soft on him because he's still a son of a bitch, so I took at as an invitation. He's playing the martyr card on this one but really I think he just doesn't want the kid anymore,"

"Well, that's depressing and good at the same time. It sounds like you're going to make this work, as long as this confession stuff plays out the way you think it's going to and doesn't turn things back on Chase,"

"My brother's an idiot. He doesn't know what his son knows. He said a lot of stupid shit to Chase and then about halfway through the conversation he said he was going to fix things. We'll see what he does and we'll see what happens, but if Chase _does_ end up having to speak in court, it's going to be okay. He's a kid. He was afraid. We'll get him a good lawyer and we won't let anything happen to him,"

"I want to fast forward a few years," her voice was hopeful.

"I just want to fast forward through tomorrow so I can zip through the workday and come home to you," he smiled. "Then I want to slow it down and enjoy, if you know what I mean,"

"I do," she laughed. "But on a more serious note, do you hate your job that much? You're good at it,"

"Not anymore, I'm not," he clarified. "I was good at flirting, at bedding women. I do okay with the other stuff but I don't think my heart's really in it. My boss is s a douche. Who doesn't understand that a guy's gotta take some time off to get his kid back? I mean really," he frowned.

"So do something else," she said as they stopped at an intersection closer to his apartment. "Get a different job. Don't waste your life there if it's not where you want to be. You're smart and good at a lot of things. You could do whatever you wanted,"

"I need that job to pay for our bills, Elena," he reminded her. "If we want to do this house thing, I need that income. It pays well. I can't just leave it and cross my fingers that I'll find something else. I can't afford to think like that. It's more than just me now,"

"I have a job and I'm not a princess," she bumped her shoulder into the side of his arm teasingly. "You'll let me help when I can and I don't want to hear anything about it. At least say you'll look for something that makes you happier. You never know what could turn up. As for me and my crazy hours, I'm going to settle down a little with that. My life was passing me by. It's not like I'm required to work that much. I just didn't have a reason _not_ to. Now I do,"

"I'll see," he nodded as they stepped through the front door of his apartment building. "So, this was good. I feel really good about everything we talked about,"

"Me too, but I'm so exhausted now," they peeked into Chase's room to find him asleep with the light on. The clock on the wall read 12:30 a.m. and she flicked the light switch to _off_ and followed Damon back down the hall quietly.

"I think we might just make our best decisions when we're overtired," Damon fell face down onto the bed and shook his legs until his flip flops fell to the ground. "I love my bed,"

She walked around the room lazily, pushing his clothes around in his closet, "Are you going in to work early tomorrow?"

"Hmm," he said into a pillow, unaware of what he was answering. She smiled when she saw his motionless body and resumed the closet search. They'd left brought very little clothes to Virginia and only bought enough to get them through the trip. Now all of that sat in a wrinkled ball in their duffle bag and she was left to his wardrobe. Her eyes caught on a red jersey and she smiled, slipping out of her sandy clothes and into the jersey.

"You fell asleep that fast? Damon, we just got in the room," She asked gently. "You're sound asleep in your clothes?"

"Ugh…" he said again, rubbing his face into the pillow. "Okay,"

"So, you'd probably just go a long with whatever right now," she smirked. "Like if I said I only wanted to eat waffles for every meal for the rest of my life," she tested with a laugh.

"Hmm," he nodded. "Sure, Lena,"

"And if I said I want to paint the walls of our new bedroom blue and white and put a big, humongous Dodgers decal right above our bed…." It came out as a giggle as she sat on the bed.

"Sure, whatever you want, baby…goodnight," he mumbled. Yeah, his lights were absolutely out for the night. She inched closer to him and ran her fingers through the back of his thick hair. It soothed her as much as it probably did him, she thought. He was warm.

"And if I said I hope we do get married someday and that I hope those dreams we had come true…." She said, barely above a whisper. "About the kid and all that…"

"Yeah," he said clearly for the first time and her heart froze. He was supposed to be asleep. She tipped her head to look at his other side and released a sigh. He must've just been sleep-talking; his face was relaxed and he was in the same position he'd been in before.

She pressed a kiss to his cheekbone and slid under the covers. She lie with a quick-beating heart for what seemed like half an hour before she calmed down enough to find rest.

Just when she'd started to doze she felt his hand slipping under the fabric of the jersey. She gave it a second to make sure she wasn't dreaming before she spoke. He nibbled at the bare skin at the opening of the jersey. He was smiling; she could feel his lips turn upward against her neck.

"I thought you were asleep," she tried, wondering just what he'd all heard her say. It wasn't like she was embarrassed; she just wanted to test the words out loud by herself the first time she said them. And the fact she was already saying serious things like that completely contradicted everything she'd said on the beach about taking their time and not rushing through life.

"I was. Then I rolled over and saw you and now I'm not tired. You look beautiful like this," the backs of his swollen knuckles on his right hand brushed against her cheek.

"What? Sleepy-eyed and dehydrated?" She teased.

"Yeah, that too, but I meant in this," his fingers found a button hole of the jersey. It was red and black and had a big hawk on it. "It was the last summer league I was in, the summer before I got hurt. I was so angry when they told me my arm was shot. I threw a lot of stuff out, jerseys, balls…but I keep this because I loved the way I felt when I wore it. This was the peak of the career I was supposed to have. I never wore it again but I kept it because I loved it. I love it even more with you in it,"

"I love you," she said sitting up and pulling him in for a kiss. She pressed gentle kisses along his jawline until he rolled her over and sat her down on his lap. He sat there with his back pressed against the headboard and his hands on the back of her bare thighs and just stared. First his eyes were stuck on hers and the way they looked at him as if he was the most important person in her life. Next his gaze travelled down to the brown waves of her hair that his fists would no doubt be tugging at in a minute. She looked breathless and sleepy but completely blissed out. He brushed her hair off her shoulder and leaned in to whisper in her ear, but the words stopped for a second when he found the mirror on the wall across from his bed.

They'd been there before, sweaty and sexed up in this same position just a few months ago. They'd been on fire and he remembered the way he watched her move against him, staring at her strong, smooth back in the mirror. It hadn't taken long for him to want to keep her. Even then she'd been the hottest lover he'd ever had.

His stomach flipped for a moment as he thought of the countless other women he'd watched in that mirror and how strong and in control he'd felt. Yeah, he and Elena needed out of there soon. It almost killed him to know he made love to her in a bed that he'd fucked so many other women in. They needed their own home and their own bed.

He closed his eyes as they burned in shame. He couldn't change the man he'd been but he was lucky as hell Elena had fallen in love with the man he was now. He shook off the sick feeling in his stomach and refocused on the woman in the mirror.

Her hair fell in those big brown waves down her back and he watched her hands playing in his hair. A chill went through him when he brushed it to one side and saw the big white letters spelling _SALVATORE_ across her back. Of all the hotness he'd seen in that mirror this was by far his favorite. Love. Real love. Just the sight of his last name on her made him hot. One day it could be real, he knew. If he was lucky and played his cards right, someday she might really be Elena Salvatore. In the not so distant future she really could be wearing a jersey just like that, cheering on Chase at his summer league games. Maybe one day she'd be cheering on that little dream boy of theirs…

He was smiling so hard he could barely manage the words he whispered in her ear, "I want you,"

She nodded and moved to slip the jersey off her shoulders but he held her wrists in his hands. "No," he shook his head. "Leave it on," he sealed it with his signature eyebrow waggle before he rolled her over and crashed down on top of her.

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**A/N: Thanks for reading! I may not be able to get the next chapter up as quickly as I did this one. Weekends off are rare but wonderful for writing!**


	22. From Where You Are

**A/N: Another long one. I'm looking at one more chapter after this one, then an epilogue. This chapter we'll learn a lot about our three characters, be it feelings, plans for the future or another look into the past. I really wanted to spend some serious time helping them sort things out in their own heads before the next big chapters to come.**

**I've chosen Lifehouse's "From Where You Are" for this chapter. I needed a theme that could really represent Elena's feelings about her son. This one got me right away because as sad as the message is, the music isn't sob-worthy. She's progressing. This made me think of her. **

**Thank you for reading.**

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**All At Once**

**Chapter 21: From Where You Are**

"We'd love it if you'd come over for dinner once we get all settled in. You and Mason and baby, too," Elena smiled at Katherine's stomach before she passed a picture of the front of their new home to her mother. "We've got some painting to do and we're getting the furniture delivered next week. It's hard to get all of this organized in between work and everything else, but it's going to be worth it."

"It's beautiful," Miranda beamed. "You'll really have a lot more room there than you do at your place with Andie now. And you can make it your own. I have to admit I was a little surprised when you told me you'd put a bid in so quickly, but it looks really nice, honey."

"We narrowed it down to two but I think I always knew this was the one," she handed a photo taken from an open kitchen window, revealing a sunset on the ocean. "I could look at this forever and never get sick of it. Even without the furniture and the really plain walls it still feels homey and peaceful, as if we're just enough away from everything but still close enough for what we do need,"

"I'm happy for you," Kat squeezed her friend's knee. "You deserve something you love. This looks perfect for you guys," she flipped through the pictures again and stopped when she saw one Chase had taken of Damon and Elena pointing to a big SOLD on the For Sale sign in front of their new home. Her friend was finally living in the present; even a month like June wasn't wiping that smile off her face for long this year. "He'd be proud of you," she whispered at the end. "Cade."

"I know. Thank you," Elena's heart fluttered and she gave her friend a little smile. There had been a time, right after her son's death, that Elena took everything the wrong way. Any mention of Cade made her wince or cry, and she'd been a masochist about it. She'd wanted to be alone in her pain and believe that no one could understand what she was going through. Their words had been nothing more than pity or sympathy, she'd thought. She'd been to bitter to notice everyone else who was truly suffering. They weren't just missing the little boy….

The 'celebration of Cade's life' was the biggest day of the year for them.

"Thank you for still doing this for me," she looked from her mother to Katherine. "For all of us,"

These days were more about love and remembering and less about pain and bitterness. She'd always be angry she lost him but it had weighed down on her hard years. Her son wouldn't want her to miss out on the rest of her life just because he had to. Cade was an angel in more than one sense of the word, and she liked to think he'd helped her find happiness again. Maybe he'd even led her to Damon and Chase along the way. Yeah, the possibilities were endless now that she'd opened up her heart again.

"It only makes sense that you're good at darts," the ladies heard Mason say from across the room. "Pitchers have great control of their arms,"

"I haven't pitched in years, Mase," Damon said, and Elena perked up at the nickname. "I'm just awesome at darts, got it?" he smirked. Elena loved that he felt comfortable enough to joke around with her family. It was a new and wonderful feeling. She'd always had to be right by Jace's side at functions, making sure he didn't say something stupid.

Damon was all smiles as he strode over from across the room. "How're things over here?" his hand fell on her shoulder and she looked up at him with small smile to assure him she was still fine. He'd wanted to give them time to talk in private if they needed.

They'd shared stories about the boy here and there throughout the afternoon, but he was surprised at natural and warm it felt. It was amazing, but he and Chase almost felt like family, too.

"Your house looks wonderful," Miranda smiled at Damon. "If you need help with moving or getting situated let us know. We'd love to help,"

"Thank you, Miranda. We'll keep that in mind," the woman watched as he idly played with a few strands of her daughter's hair. "I doubt it'll be completely set by Chase's birthday next week but we're still thinking of having something small…if you don't mind boxes and a little disorganization. We'll have a bigger party for his friends and family and stuff once it looks more like we really live there,"

"We wouldn't miss it," she assured him. "It looks like overall it's in pretty good shape, at least from the pictures."

"Yeah," he lowered himself down on the chair next to Elena and leaned in toward Miranda and the pictures. "We won't have to put much money into fixing it up at all. There are a lot of great things about it. New appliances, new carpet," he counted off on his fingers. "The old owners used it as a summer home but moved out of the country for business. It's been mostly empty for months. Did I mention the big deck?"

"Did he mention that I get my own bathroom?" Chase wiggled his eyebrows as he walked over with his hands in the air. "Which means I can take long showers if I want…and use as much counter space as I want without worrying about knocking over _someone's_ make up," he smirked. "Or tampons, or whatever. Woman stuff takes up a _lot_ of room…."

Katherine laughed. She remembered Elena's huge collection of bathroom necessities sprawled out across the counter when they'd had sleep overs as kids. It was nice to know some things never changed.

"Yeah, that was the real selling point," Damon teased and Miranda brightened when she saw her daughter's eyes light up in response to him. She was practically glowing. "Forget the beautiful view and the amazing kitchen. Chase getting his own bathroom really sealed the deal."

"Look at it this way. You won't have to tromp over my wet towels to get to the shower. It's really benefitting you," he tapped Damon on the shoulder and shot a brilliant smile to Kat and Miranda before he sat on the other side of Elena.

"Or you could just pick them up and put them in the hamper where they really go," Elena suggested. "But that's okay. You'll be cleaning your own bathroom, too, so I'm sure you'll figure that out pretty quickly," she tapped him on the knee.

"Hmm…" he smiled back at her, cocking his head to the side. "Still worth it," he decided with a nod and pointed to his frosting-smeared plate. "Elena was right," he looked at his guidance counselor and easily changed the subject, "You make some awesome cake, Katherine…if I may call you that and not Mrs…."

"Chase, we aren't in school. You can call me Katherine or Kat, if you want. We'll probably be seeing a lot of each other now, right? Some of the time it will be outside of school; let's just remember there's a difference."

"Yeah okay, sure. I'm just saying….you'd get a lot of kids to listen if you brought this to school. Think about it," he shrugged. "I could be bribed to study,"

"Wow," Elena's mouth dropped open but closed into a smile.

"I'm not into bribes," she rolled her eyes with a smile. Chase Salvatore had been one of her favorite students even before she learned who he was to Elena.

"Well you _know_," he tapped his chin with a devious smile. "We're basically related. You're kind of like Elena's sister, right? Forget the details on that," he frowned, sorry he'd brought up the connection on that day in particular. Elena had said all along that despite the hows and the whys, she'd gained some family out of the whole Jace fiasco. "And Damon's basically going to be like my Dad now," he continued and Damon and Elena met eyes carefully. Chase continued,

"And I'm pretty sure I'd get smacked if I said the next part but it involves Elena…so if you and I are connecting the dots in the same order here…you're pretty much my Aunt," he nodded. "Remember that the next time you're going to send me to detention,"

"Chase…" she smiled. "No almost-nephew of mine is going to get away with anything."

"Hey, that's cool," he raised his hands in defense. "I don't _need_ special treatment, but I'd be stupid not to try,"

"I think you're a handful," Miranda smiled at the boy. "But a good guy, I'll bet,"

"Yes, Mrs. Gilbert," he assured her. "I'm a mini-Damon…smart, attractive, Elena loves me…"

"Oh, _Lord_. Do you hear yourself? Mom, ignore them," Elena laughed out loud and it felt _good_. It was healthy and different to smile and laugh on this day. She'd only cried a little, and she'd quickly remembered why she was so thankful to still be alive. She hadn't lived _just_ to fall in love and help raise another child; that was a bonus. She was lucky for it, but it didn't define her. She'd lived to learn who she really was and what she had the chance to become.

"He has a point. Your daughter is very good at keeping us in line," he said to Miranda with a smile. "We'd still be eating cereal for dinner every night without her." Damon shrugged, bumping elbows with Elena and sending her sweet eyes. He could swear he heard Miranda swoon. The pink in Elena's cheeks made him smile. He loved that he could still make her blush.

The sound of Damon's phone buzzing in his pocket interrupted their playfulness. He pulled it out and his smile faded to a frown. Elena watched the stress lines form in his forehead quickly and worry bubbled inside of her chest. Lately he only got that look when one of two people called; the lawyer or Finn.

"He can leave a message," Damon motioned to press ignore but she reached for his wrist and shook her head when she saw Chase's lawyer's name on the screen. It was too important of a call to ignore. "It can wait."

"No it can't. It's fine," Elena assured him. "Now go on and answer before he keeps calling…" she kissed his shoulder and her eyes fell on Chase, waiting for any kind of reaction.

"Sorry…" Damon looked from Elena to Kat to Miranda before he plugged an ear and headed up the stairs. "I'll be quick."

A short silence fell on the group, but Elena was the first to speak.

"You okay?" she asked Chase and he nodded but didn't say a word. She waited a second, trying to read what was going on in his head. "Hey, can I talk to you in the other room for a minute?"

Miranda closed her eyes and listened to the sweet tone of her daughter's voice. It was so sweet, almost a lullaby as she comforted the boy. She was still very much the mother she'd been at 19; all the hollowness and disinterest that had taken up residence in her voice over the years was now gone…evicted. Elena really _was_ fully alive again, and it was beautiful.

Elena spoke to him as if he were her own. Would he be? Would Miranda one day call Chase Salvatore her grandson? The light and love in Elena's eyes said yes; all signs pointed to 'absolutely.'

"Excuse us, Mom," Elena placed her hand on Chase's shoulder and led him into a neighboring room, shutting the door behind them to ensure privacy.

* * *

"Quit worrying, Elena" he smiled back at her with sad resolution. "I'm cool, okay?I know it's the right thing to do and if it means it'll move things along quicker and make this happen, I'm positive it's what I want," he swallowed. "If he wants to hand me over like I'm nothing to him, I say forget him. This is probably the meanest thing I've ever said, but I have no interest in being Stefan's son anymore."

Her mouth went dry. They'd been talking about it on and off for a while but he'd never just come out and said it like that. The tears that pricked in her eyes weren't out of relief. Of course she wanted Chase to live the life he deserved with people who really loved him, but this wasn't about winning. It was still incredibly sad that he'd gone through so much hell that needed to disown his father in order to be happy. She worried what it would do to him years later, even though there was no question in her mind that it was the right and best decision.

"I didn't think that would make you sad," he frowned. "I thought that's what you wanted. We bought a house. I thought you wanted us to be a family."

"I do," she said quickly. "And we're planning on it. If this goes as we think it will, one day I may play a bigger part in your life. I may be able to make decisions for you. But I don't have that right and even if I did, I would never ask you to do something you weren't sure about. Adoption is a big decision. Your father will not get you back if we do this. Permanent custody could allow him to try to get you back, if Damon adopts you, that's it, Chase."

They'd been talking about if for weeks. Adoption, legal guardianship, full custody...they were all different. The only one that guaranteed complete separation of Chase from his father forever, if that was what he wanted, was adoption.

"I know that," Chase nodded.

"I don't want you to do this for Damon or for me. You don't have to make us happy. We'll love you no matter what you decide. If you change your mind, we will still love you. You can still be a part of this family," she paused as her words sank in. Yes, they would be a family even if it was just the two of them. "This has to be for you. This is a big deal and no one can tell you what to do,"

"It is for me. Elena, don't start pulling out of this now," he frowned. "If you're afraid just say it,"

"I'm not," she shook her head. "Not for me. I'm worried about you. I don't expect you to get it," she bit her lip. "I try really hard to keep this separate. I don't want to relate this to my past because it's not the same at all. It's just…I made a decision like this for my son once," she swallowed. "He was a little boy. I had to…but you're not little. Just because you're only 14 doesn't mean you don't know what is best for you. I mean, I would've lost him regardless of what I chose, right? I just don't want you to grow up and regret walking away."

"I'm not older. I don't know how I'll feel then but I do know that I need you guys. If Stefan gets out of prison early I do _not_ want to go back to him. This is where I belong. I wish…" he cut himself off. "Never mind…"

"No, what?"

"It's stupid and it will just make you feel bad," he answered quickly. "I don't want to hurt you,"

"You're going to have to stop worrying about that stuff. I know I've had some bad reactions to things with you…I'm sorry for that…but we're both going to have to learn how to be okay with honesty. Don't look at me and think I'm going to break. I did once. I may again, but let me try…"

"I wish you were my Mom," he said, looking right into her eyes. It only took a second for the tears to start pouring from her eyes. How could she not be touched by a confession like that? Even on the anniversary of her real son's death, this was exactly what she needed to hear.

"Me too," she admitted, pulling him closer to her and pushing his blond bangs out of his eyes.

"You _will_ play that bigger role in my life, Elena, because you already do. You don't need to have rights to be a mother figure to me. I've been thinking of you as one for a long time," his confession had her heart pounding faster. "You'd marry him, wouldn't you? If he asked…"

"Chase, don't worry about all of that,"

"Don't do that to me," she pled with a smile, "You expect me to be honest but you dodge questions when things get too serious. I thought you were done with all that,"

She took a deep breath and closed her eyes.

"Why is it so hard for you to just say it, Elena? You can say you're going to _be with us forever_ and that we're _going to be this family_ but you won't actually get into the details of it. Fine, you don't have to answer me. Maybe I shouldn't have asked. Just…if Damon asks you, I hope you can answer him right away. Don't leave him hanging, Elena. We both know the answer is yes,"

She stared at him for a second. "I'll answer him," she promised. "So…you're sure now? I won't ask you again. If you can promise me that this decision is based on what is best for you and has nothing to do with trying to make Damon and me happy, then I'll never ask again."

"It's for me," he said seriously. "Stop worrying," he pressed his hand around the door knob and started to turn it slowly. "Let's go back out there. A second helping of cake is calling my name. "A change of subject was exactly what Elena needed. That had been one hell of a five minute conversation. She blinked the tears out of her eyes and slid the backs of her hands across her cheeks, removing the evidence before they walked back out to her family.

If she thought she could fool her Mom, she had another thing coming. She'd seen her child's pink cheeks and puffy eyes enough to know what she looked like when she was covering emotions. Last week Elena had called her in tears saying that Stefan had admitted Caroline's involvement in the dealer's death. Good news, one would think, but it had all just been another assumption until now. Now there were decisions to be made. Big ones.

Elena had found herself in a new little family and she was going through hell to protect it.

What good were the words of a man who was already locked up? Of course he'd feel sorry and the pressing need to be honest; Stefan's guilty conscious was one of many behind those bars. It was common for guys to start spewing all kinds of details that they'd sworn they hadn't known before, but seeing as his darling ex-wife had a whole different set of problems, they were willing to listen.

"Anyone up for darts?" Chase asked with a smile. "We could play for the right for special treatment, Kat…" he smirked. "You win, I'll never ask again."

* * *

Upstairs, Damon's head pounded.

"I don't care about ethics, okay? Just tell me what's best for my boy," Damon whispered into the phone as he paced along the kitchen. After another few pieces of information from the lawyer he let out a sigh. Yep, this was going exactly like he'd figured it would. "I see. And what if you're wrong?"

_No one ever really knows what will happen_, he said. _I'm a professional,_ he said. _Trust me_…

"I have no other choice. This better end the way you say it will. This is my family we're talking about, not just another case. I'm paying you to protect my future," he closed his eyes and pressed the end key.

He probably got that speech a lot, Damon thought. It was never just another case to the person whose life was hanging in the balance. Nothing had ever mattered as much as this and if anyone was making decisions about Chase other than him, he needed the man to know exactly how exceptional this situation was. It wasn't just custody. It wasn't just helping a kid come forward with something he was scared shitless to say out loud. If something went wrong he stood to lose everything. For a man who had lived his life without anything real, that was monumental.

He had a new complex, he realized. Instead of the victim, he was now the hero. He was compelled to save Chase from another ounce of pain that was not his fault. Elena didn't need saving, just a lot of patience and time. He'd be her hero by giving her that time.

Unwilling to process the ins and outs of what the lawyer had just told him, he put himself back in the present. A bottle of water and another helping of cake would clear his head. When his eyes locked on the open photo book on the kitchen table he froze. Just an hour ago Elena had flipped through the pages with tiny streams of tears sliding down her cheeks. It had been sobering to watch Elena and everyone else who'd lost that little boy tell themselves to celebrate his life, not mourn the way it was taken away.

He'd been focused on her. Of all the moments they'd shared in their relationship this had to be one of the hardest. It wasn't that he couldn't handle it or felt like he didn't belong. Her hand fell into his and he'd delivered the most supportive of squeezes he could manage, but he didn't feel like that was enough. She'd said nothing, really, and he hadn't looked down to the pictures that had put those tiny tears in her eyes. Something told him seeing the images of a much younger version of the woman he loved holding her little boy would've broken him, too, and that wasn't something he wanted her family to see. He'd see that little face in his home forever. He had forever to learn how to mourn the child he never had a chance to love.

She'd told him ten times over that he didn't have to be overly worried about impressing her parents or Kat; his being there with her was proof enough that she was in a supportive relationship. _You have no idea what this means to me_, she'd said just before Katherine had opened the front door. _I've never been more at peace with myself and my life than I am right now_.

But Damon was alone with the photos now. There was laughter and hooting from below and it struck him as amazing that a family could be so strong and still find so much good in a time of so much sadness. It was one of the values missing from his childhood and it made him so grateful that Elena had grown up with supportive and loving parents; at least one of them had.

He was drawn to the photos like a bug to a light. He knew it would break his heart to see her that way but he couldn't stop himself from looking. Because he loved her, he wanted to know everything about her, happy and sad. Instantly he got caught up in a picture of Elena and Cade playing in a sandbox, with rolled up pant legs and windblown hair. She looked happy and healthy and young and he couldn't help but wish he'd known her then. His gaze shifted to the left where he saw a picture of them reading a story in a big chair. Above that sat a rounded photo with the small boy asleep in his Aunt Katherine's lap on a big wooden deck. Life looked fun and perfect from the smiles on their faces; if only he didn't know the end of the story.

She was even stronger than he'd thought. With Chase just weeks away from really being his kid, the reality of the Elena/Cade situation was kicking his ass. He wasn't sure he could rebound if something happened to Chase. Love was wonderfully dangerous and he we was willing to be that crazy family guy he'd always been afraid to become.

He reluctantly flipped the page. He'd seen photos in her house of the two of them. These were nothing new; it was all a matter of circumstance. Had it been any other day it wouldn't have felt so hard. He hadn't known the kid for even a second of his life. He'd missed him by more than a decade's time and yet, because he loved the child's mother, he felt a sense of loss he never thought was possible. Fate or no fate, he really believed he would've loved Elena no matter how he met her. If Cade had lived, he'd have one more boy to love.

He shook his head, frustrated, and began to close the book. He had to get back downstairs before he lost it. He'd started to grab an extra piece of cake for Chase but was quickly drawn back to the book when he noticed a picture on table that he hadn't seen.

The film from one of the pages of the album was dog-eared and a small had escaped. He figured it must have been shoved behind another. When he flipped it over he understood why; the star of Elena's nightmares was staring right back at him with brilliant green eyes and deep brown hair. His muscled arms were wrapped around her tightly and she was laughing. They were young…very young. The sick feeling in his stomach was from torture, not jealousy. The woman in the picture had no fucking clue what was about to happen to her life. There was a rip down the middle of the old photo and it had some yellowing tape holding it back together. He imagined a young Elena screaming, crying and tearing it in two in a fit of despair. He wondered what had made her fix it…what had made her keep it?

His hands fisted in his hair. He had half a mind to tear it in half again. Why the _hell_ was it doing in Cade's memory book? Yeah, they were his parents. Nothing could change the past. But they'd died on the same day and no one was crying over _him_. Suddenly cake seemed completely unappetizing. Even though he hated it and didn't want to see it, he couldn't stop staring.

He opened the book again to find the page that was broken and shoved it back in. Next to it was a picture of the Cade, Jace and Elena probably only a month or two after the boy was born. Elena looked tired and too thin for just having a baby. Jace had a cocky smile on his face and a gleam in his eye, as if he knew he had a terrible control over them and loved it. He didn't know the guy but that irritating smile made him want to bring him back from the dead just to kill him all over again.

He'd charmed her with his looks, Damon decided. The guy was under twenty when the photo was taken and he looked every bit the arrogant ass Elena had described him to be. On the other hand, she looked afraid and unhappy in the photo and it stirred up something inside of Damon. He'd seen her sad before, even angry, but never like that. She looked close to dead, emotionless, depressed.

She'd rid herself of the poison that tried to consume her life but it had found its way back and laughed in her face. He was the one monster in the family and he'd wanted them to know it. Now he was in a grave somewhere and the rest of them were thriving, proving him wrong. They'd remember him alright; but not in the way he wanted. He was hidden behind other pictures for a reason.

"You okay, son?" Grayson's voice interrupted Damon's thoughts and he slammed the book closed quickly. "Chase is wicked with the darts. He asked me to see if you were done and wanted to play again,"

"Yeah, I'm good," Damon lied, a frown making it obvious that he was just trying to be polite. With a deep breath he took he moved to walk toward the steps.

"Don't lie to me," Grayson smirked, having a look at the book. "Have a seat," Grayson insisted, gesturing to a chair. "You're looking a little pale…"

The gentleness of his voice stilled Damon. He'd met Elena's father only once before and they'd gotten along great. He'd been the new guy, the one who stood a chance to break his little girl's heart. They weren't strangers anymore, but they weren't much more. He sat down slowly and brought his eyes to meet the man across from him. A concerned smile crossed Grayson's face as he continued.

"She's something, isn't she?" His eyes floated down to the pages of the album. "I've never met a braver woman than my daughter."

"Me either," Damon said seriously.

"She's a lot to handle," Grayson's face lifted into an honest smile. "Kind of bossy sometimes, and when she's crabby, don't even try to point that out or change her mind," Damon stared, unsure of how to respond. "But when she's happy, the whole world can tell. This is by far the worst day of the year for all of us, but this is the most together I have seen Elena in years. I want to say thank you, because I know you have something to do with it,"

_Good_, he wasn't asking about the book, Damon thought.

"Ah…" Damon started, straining to come up with an answer that didn't sound stupid or arrogant. Throwing something out there like _Oh, she's the reason I'm happy_, was just too cheesy. He swallowed, trying to stay in the game. Suddenly he was intimidated, though Grayson couldn't have sounded more kind.

Damon just wasn't good with fathers, at least not with serious conversations. He'd never been good with Giuseppe; their discussions had ended quickly and left him feeling stupid. But this wasn't going to turn out that way, he knew. This was _the_ conversation; the talk between a woman's father and the man who loved her so desperately that he'd give up the world to make her happy. He'd figured it was coming sooner than later, but he hadn't planned on it happening on a day they were supposed to be focused on Cade. It seemed almost selfish to make the day about his life. His drama could wait.

"All I want is for Elena to be happy," Damon managed. It wasn't perfect but it worked. "And to never look like _this_ again," he reluctantly pulled the picture out of the book again and slid it to Grayson. "I'll do everything I can to make sure she doesn't. She wasn't just an overtired new Mom here, was she?"

"No," Grayson said in a sigh. "We wouldn't be here today if that was all it had been."

"You know…. "I've never seen him until now. Jace. It was easier to convince myself that I could make him go away for her when he wasn't so real…"

"You are taking it away," he nodded, "at least the parts we want taken away for her. I know my daughter. I can tell she's healing…so don't you even feel a thing when you see this man's face," he nodded toward the picture of Jace. "Because if you do, he gets what he wanted all along…power, even in death."

Damon let the words settle in his mind, blinking a few times as they sunk in. He wanted to ask Grayson if he knew why she'd kept the picture of the two of them but worried it wasn't his business. She'd tell him someday, if he needed to know.

"I'll be damned if I let that bastard have one more ounce of power over any of this family," Grayson continued. "Jace was…" he couldn't quite find the words. "I knew that boy was bad news from the minute my 16-year-old daughter walked into my house with pink cheeks. Everyone makes mistakes, but that shithead never owned up to a damn thing he did. You know, I was sad when I found out I was going to be a grandfather, mostly because I realized Elena's life was never going to be the same. I was disappointed that she'd been irresponsible, that she'd felt she had to lie to us and hide the fact that she was with someone, _really_ with someone," he frowned. "You'd have thought it would've tipped her off, that if she had to lie about the man she supposedly loved, well, maybe he wasn't worth loving,"

Damon swallowed and waited. He had a feeling this was about to get seriously heavy but a part of him was honored Grayson felt comfortable enough to speak to him this way.

"I never even had a real conversation with him. I hated him before I knew him and once I actually met him…to say we didn't get along is putting it politely," he smirked. "And I knew it wasn't just a Daddy-knows-best thingthat was keeping me from giving him a shot. Yeah, sure…every time I saw the guy I felt like a bad Dad…like she should've chosen better or been more careful because I taught her better than that..." he swallowed. "But I held her hand when she was a little girl and I knew at that point I couldn't hold it anymore. People are entitled to make mistakes, but I had a hard time remembering that back then. I didn't think it would happen to her,"

Damon took a slow breath through his nose and watched as Grayson Gilbert talked himself through everything that had gone wrong. The spark in the man's eyes made Damon believe her father had been haunted by these thoughts for as long as Elena had been having nightmares…maybe longer.

"And that son of a bitch didn't just rub _me_ the wrong way," he shook his head. "Elena had on some real blinders when it came to him. The rest of us…we tolerated him at first and hoped that maybe he just had problems being himself around us. She was falling all over herself about him. I _still_ don't get it," his brow furrowed. "There was just something wrong with them. It always felt uncomfortable around them. I didn't want to be right, you know? I hoped I was just being overprotective. I wanted to be told 'see, I told you so, Dad. Jace is a good man,' but the words never came. I was right; he was a monster."

Grayson smoothed his hand over a picture of his grandson and smiled.

"Cade was born and he was exactly like Elena. We played basketball and Go Fish and super heroes. Sometimes I'd watch him play for hours and remember what it felt like to have so few cares in the world. I loved that little boy from the second I saw him; it was easy to forget the circumstances when we were together because he had a contagious laugh and the best disposition," he smiled. "That was from Elena. Cade was nothing like that liar."

Fathers_ weren't _all the same, Damon thought, but Jace and Giuseppe sounded like they'd been cut from the same cloth. Yeah, Giuseppe had stayed in his life. He hadn't been irresponsible with him… he just hadn't been anything. He may as well be dead. And Damon was new at the whole father thing, but after hearing the sadness and passion in Grayson's voice over Elena, well, he figured that was how a father _should_ be.

"Do you ever wish you'd told her she couldn't be with him?" The question had seemed to come out of nowhere, but the more he thought about it, it fit perfectly into the conversation. These stories were about Elena but he couldn't help but think of Chase and the decisions looming over their own heads.

"Hell, I don't know. Forbidding something like that could've made it worse. I think I would've talked to her more, really sat her down and made sure _she_ was sure," he said seriously. "But I think I would go back and be less angry and a hell of a lot more understanding. I wish I would've listened because maybe she'd have followed my example. If I'd have been more honest, maybe she would have, too. Would she still have gotten pregnant if she hadn't had to sneak around? Who knows," he sighed. "I tell myself not to think about it because that's the kind of stuff that'll drive a man crazy. Trust me when I say go with your heart and don't second guess yourself. Make a decision, stick with it through everything and if it turns out you're wrong…well, own up to it and learn. I did. I learned to love what came of that mess and to respect my daughter for being an amazing mother and giving up so many things to raise her son. She never even complained about it.

"I can't tell you the amount of nights Elena cried herself to sleep over that idiot. _Why doesn't he love our son?_ She asked me and how the hell was I supposed to answer that? I couldn't say 'I told you so,' that would've been cruel and inappropriate. It would have pushed her even further from me," He frowned. The question hung between them for a minute, "But that was the kind of question a father never wants to have to answer from his teenage daughter. I didn't get it. How _couldn't_ he love that little boy or learn how to love and treat my daughter the way she deserved to be loved? He had her so low; she wouldn't listen to a word we said to her about him. She said it was her business and that she had a family and made the decisions she needed to make, but all I kept thinking was _you're just a kid, Elena…_"

Damon's stomach ached for a few reasons. He knew most of the details of Elena's life with Jace and Cade, but hearing it from her father was very different. Grayson spoke like the father he'd always wanted and needed and never had. He sounded like a man who would have moved a mountain or two to protect his child, probably still would.

Maybe it hit him so hard because he actually understood it now. A year ago he'd never have imagined he would want to take care of a child, let alone raise one. Now nothing was more important to him than promising to bring that boy up in a safe and happy household with guardians that loved him. He could only hope he'd be half the man and father one day that Grayson was to Elena.

Damon's head was all over the place when Grayson continued,

"The thing is… I couldn't just sit there and watch that idiot destroy her. I told her time and time again after Cade was born, _Elena, you deserve better,_ but she just didn't believe me. He was all sweet talk at first, saying she was the only thing he wanted but when it was all said and done her self-esteem was completely obliterated. He was a drunk and he judged her on the most insignificant things like her hair or her clothes. It all sounds silly now, but she was a kid herself! To watch the way he cut her down, the way she walked in the door completely leveled by him nearly killed me. He was off at school screwing who knows how many women. He wanted to get away but he still needed that control on her. He needed her to feel guilty," he paused. "And then one day she left him and that was it. Something in her clicked. She was sad that the man she'd _thought_ she loved had really just been lying to her and using her for years, but she stopped feeling threatened by him and let herself live. She raised my grandson for three years without his help. She worked hard and went to school. She was a _damn_ good mother and a damn good woman. She still is,"

"Yes, sir," Damon said, listening.

"And after it happened I spent a lot of years reminding her of all the good she'd done. I told her to remember that none of it was her fault, that bad things happen to good people sometimes and there's some unknown reason for it, but I could barely managed the words because the truth is, she was cheated," he shook his head. "And she lived like she was cheated for a long time. Life didn't just 'hand her lemons,'" he threw up air quotes to emphasize his point. "It pelted her with them and she had a hell of a time making that lemonade. She was hollow and our conversations were rushed. I thought I'd never get my Elena back, the little girl who'd had so many big dreams as a child. But you know what? I think she's coming back. She's smiling again, and the way she looks at you and your nephew…"

"I won't take credit for any of that," he smiled and shook his head. "That's all her."

"And she's thirty," Grayson let out a laugh of disbelief, "Sometimes I still think of her as a kid. Children grow up but the never stop being kids to their moms and dads. I've spent years protecting her because her actions have led me to believe I had to,"

"She's lucky to have you, and Miranda, too," Damon said thankfully. "Thank you for everything you've done for her," he said seriously and a look of surprise floated into Grayson's eyes. This was a good man, he thought. Only a good man would thank his girlfriend's father for taking care of her as a child. It was expected wasn't it? Or didn't life go that way for him? Whatever the case, he was pleased. Elena had found someone who honestly cared for _her_ and not just himself. He could trust this man.

"I'm new to this, but I get the impression that every single person in this house would do anything for her. Kat, Mason, obviously you two…" he trailed off. "And from what I'm told, Mr. and Mrs. Pierce still care for her, too. I'm surprised it's not more awkward there. Kat's one thing, but his parents? I would've guessed they'd have a rougher time."

"Jace stays out of the conversation most of the time. He was their kid, but they loved him, not the choices he made. They love Elena, always have, and when we're together for stuff like this, it's all about Cade and everything else just kind of goes away. If I were them, I'd have been mourning my son before he even got into that car."

That was brutal honesty at its finest. Damon could appreciate a man who said what he thought.

Grayson let out a heavy sigh. He'd gotten more off his chest than he'd figured he'd been holding in. he didn't know Damon all that well but he was no stranger; he was the man Elena had been waiting to give her heart to. There was reassurance in his blue eyes. With this man, Elena would be safe.

"Sorry about that." Grayson frowned at the clock on the wall and smiled. "I got carried away. When it comes to Elena I sort of lose it sometimes. I hope I haven't scared you off. I just wanted you to know…you seem like a guy who really understands her. I see the two of you …three of you, actually, and it just gets me thinking…maybe I don't have to be so worried anymore,"

"You don't," Damon promised. "I'm sure you'll always worry a little," he thought of Chase growing up. He'd be lying if he said he'd stop wondering what the kid was up to once he was 18 and off at college or on his own. "But no more than a good Dad should. All those other, bigger worries…I'll take care of those. I'll take care of her. I promise I will."

It felt good to take those vows. He meant every word and he always would. This moment, right here in an unfamiliar kitchen with a semi-unfamiliar man, was the greatest man to man connection he'd ever had. He could love this man; he already respected the hell out of him.

"Thank you," he nodded lightly, "But enough about her crazy old Dad. You've got a lot on your plate now, too."

"Yeah, I think so. I've uh…well today's heavy for me and I feel I don't have the right to feel that way. After what you've all been through, I really have no idea what it feels like to lose someone like that and yet….I _do._ It's crazy, but I feel like lost him, too."

Grayson said nothing, just let the words sink in.

"I'm sorry…that's unfair of me to say," Damon tried to backpedal but Grayson wouldn't have it.

"No, it isn't," he smiled. "You belong here…you're in love with my Elena," he stated. It wasn't a question or a request for confirmation. It was a fact.

"Very much so," he let out a sigh of relief. That was the one thing he was absolutely sure about. Thank God _that_ was out there.

"So much so that you've bought a home to share with her. Very serious, son," he added and Damon waited a beat for the sound of disapproval. Elena was thirty-years-old and her father really didn't have a say in her business this time, but he still wanted to know Grayson approved of him.

"Yes, sir," he answered quickly. "I know that it seems fast and that we don't really know each other enough for me to guess how you feel about that." Judging from how he'd just laid his heart on the table a few seconds ago, he had a pretty good idea that it was going to go over just fine.

"You'll be around for a while, I take it?" He asked carefully. "Is it safe to assume it's worth taking the time to get to know each other better?"

"Yes," Oh, the things he could've said after that simple word! _Yes _was a lot easier, though.

"Okay. So tell me about you," He got up and grabbed a bottle of water from the fridge.

"Well, I've been with Elena for a few months," he started. "And it's been wild…"

"Not about you and my daughter. Those are details I would probably rather _not_ know," he smirked. "I want to know about you,"

Damon swallowed. He could've been blunt and told him the nasty truth…that he was led to believe his own father hated him, that his mother had lied to him for years and the family member he'd loved the most of all had betrayed him and fallen into the pits of hell over a woman and a few bad decisions. That was all true, but Grayson wasn't looking for reasons to feel sorry for him and he didn't want to be pitied. More than anything in the world he wanted her father to know that he was fully capable and eager to support and love Elena. He needed Grayson to believe in him; for years no one had. Even he had doubted himself, thought he wasn't capable of being a part of a real family.

"I'm 30," he smiled. "I was really into baseball as a child and was close to making it a career until I got hurt. I don't have a good relationship with the man who raised me and I never have. I never knew my real father and until a few weeks ago, I never knew Giuseppe _wasn't_ my real father. I'm going through some stuff, as most people do, but it's nothing I can't beat. I spent a lot of years thinking I'd better off living my life as a bachelor because I didn't think I was capable of commitment and I didn't believe in love," he said honestly. "I've just recently become proud of myself and what I'm doing in my life. Chase and Elena have turned my world upside down and there is nothing I wouldn't do for them.

"I bought a house with Elena because I _am_ going to ask her to marry me," he paused when Grayson's eyebrows rose in surprise. "I love her and I can't begin to imagine a life without her, but I'm going to wait until I know she's ready. We have forever, if that's how long it takes. I hope it happens before then, but I'll wait if it doesn't,"

"Okay," Grayson said softly. From the look in his eyes, he was pleased.

"I probably don't need your permission for that, but I'd like us to get along. I'd like to prove I'm worthy of her,"

"You're doing just fine, son," he smiled, noticing the nervous look on Damon's face.

"I intend to adopt Chase, and if she'll have me, to raise him with Elena in our home. I know that Cade will always be a part of her life and I can accept that. I don't want her to forget him and I'm not trying to replace him with a new family. When all is said and done, sir, I just love her,"

"I think you're a good man, Damon," he reached across the table to shake his hand. "You're the first man in Elena's life that I actually believe. She may be grown up now but I've always still worried. She's missed out on a lot of happiness and adult or not, I just couldn't stand to think she'd given up on ever finding it again. Be patient with her. She has her good and bad days, you know,"

"I know," he confirmed with a smile. "But don't we all?"

Damon Salvatore had officially impressed the man. He proved he didn't pity Elena, but loved her strengths and weaknesses equally. He didn't see his daughter as fragile or a broken heart that needed mending. To Damon, she was just Elena; a woman who had a whole life of possibilities ahead of her.

"You really don't have to call me 'sir,'" he laughed. "Grayson is fine by me."

Damon screwed the cap on his water bottle just as he heard Elena coming up the stairs. The men both moved to get out of their chairs, but Elena's hands fell on Damon's shoulders and her chin on the top of his head.

"I thought you two got lost," her voice vibrated against his skull and he smiled. Grayson's eyes went from Damon's up to his daughter's and he smiled. Yeah, they were good together, he decided. "Is everything okay?" She lifted her head off his head and tipped it down, catching Damon's profile.

"Yeah, we're good," Grayson smiled, scooting his chair backward and standing. "I'll uh, I'll see you guys back down there in a bit?" She looked up at him and sighed.

"Actually, I think we should get going. I'd like to get to Cade's grave before sunset," she peered out the window. "And it always takes me a little time to get the courage up to get out of the car once I get there." She smiled sadly. She'd told them earlier that she needed to go alone. She'd always talked to him alone. She'd been there with her parents and Katherine but she'd stayed back. It was personal and private, she thought, not something she'd ever wanted to share with someone else.

Until now.

"Okay," he walked over to press a kiss to her cheek. "Take care sweetheart. I love you," he smiled. "If you need anything for the house, call me." His eyes turned to Damon and they nodded to each other, a silent understanding between the two men who loved Elena most in the world.

"I said goodbye to everyone else before I came up. Chase will be here in a second. He was finishing off his game of darts with Katherine. How did your phone call go?"

"He thinks he should talk," he whispered as she sat down next to him. She laid her arm out on the table and rested her head on the inside of her arm as she watched him. "He says it will help. He also says Stefan is still on board with turning over his parental rights. With Caroline's rights already terminated, this may be easier than we thought."

Elena sighed and smile. "It's what Chase wants. I talked to him for a few minutes, away from everyone. He doesn't want us to doubt him. He knows if he wants to change his mind he can tell us," she swallowed. "But I don't think he will. I think we're all going to be okay,"

"I won," Chase said as he reached the top of the steps. "…Are you guys okay? Ready to go?"

"Yeah," Elena said, standing. Damon followed suit and pushed in his chair. "It takes about ten minutes from here to the cemetery,"

After Damon ran downstairs to give out goodbye hugs and handshakes they were off. He felt like he needed some sort of preparation for such a big thing but Elena remained silent, staring out the passenger window with her head pressed up against the glass. Her stomach was no doubt swirling worse than his, Damon thought. He squinted as the sun caught his eyes.

* * *

The cemetery wasn't busy. A few cars were parked along the roads inside but none near the site they were visiting. "It's over there…under that tree…" she pointed, her throat aching. She stared for a moment, not moving to get out of the car. Damon looked back at Chase who looked equally sick and awkward. So this was family life, feeling awkward together. Damon's warm hand slid off the gear shift and onto her knee. He squeezed once, then twice until he heard her take a deep breath.

"Sorry," she frowned, wiping under her right eye with a tissue. "I want to do this. It's just…I never know what to do or say when I get up there. You think I would by now. When he died I saw a therapist for years," her voice was gravelly. "She told me I'd go through all kinds of emotions when it came to him…that sometimes I'd feel okay and others I'd feel horrible. She wasn't kidding when she said it would be like that for years," she paused. "She told me it would help if I talked to him like I used to, when he was alive. I felt stupid the first time, talking to a piece of rock about basketball and what I had for lunch," she didn't smile. The words came out of her automatically. "After a while I realized I had nothing new to say. I wasn't proud of what I was doing with my life. I wanted to be able to tell him I was doing well, that he didn't have to worry about me. I couldn't. I couldn't honestly say it because I have never lied to my son,"

He squeezed her knee again.

"I never stopped going, of course. Even if I just sat there and traced my fingers over his name. Even if I just asked him how he was and never got an answer. I don't know if he can hear me or see me but I needed him to know that I still loved him and missed him, even though I didn't have much new to say."

"I'm sure he knows, Lena," Damon said slowly, afraid to interrupt her. She rarely talked openly about what was going on in her head with her son.

"I hope so," she swallowed, taking his hand off her knee and squeezing it back. Her other hand pulled the handle of the car door, opening it slowly. "I'd like you to come with me," she closed her eyes and let a drop fall onto her leg. "I need you to come with me."

He pulled the hand in his up to his lips and kissed it gently, tasting her tears on her warm skin. He didn't say a word, just got out of the car and walked around it to shut her door.

"Chase," she said, catching his eyes through the half open window of the backseat. "You don't have to come if it makes you uncomfortable, but I'm okay if you do. It's up to you," he gave her a small nod and got out of the car.

They walked slowly to the site. It felt like eternity before they came close to the headstone that read _Cade Pierce, beloved son, nephew, grandson._ Chase looked down at it for a minute then over at Elena. He ached. He felt stupid for feeling the way he did. It was crazy to envy a dead kid…but the three years of life that little boy had with his Mom were more than the 14 Chase had experienced with either of his parents. His mom never cried for him.

Angry with himself for letting his mind even go there when his new mother-figure was mourning her real son, he took a breath. "I'm going to stand by that tree," he pointed. "Sorry, Elena," he said and she swore his eyes were glassy.

"That's okay," she touched his arm slowly and smiled as he walked away silently. She saw him settle on the ground, his back against the trunk of the tree, his fingers fiddling with a few blades of grass. Having him there, even a few feet away, was more than she'd ever expected.

Slowly she turned back to the headstone and lowered to her knees. Out of habit her fingers ran over the lettering of his name. "I love you, baby," she said and that was all it took for Damon to lose it. The sting in his eyes and the twisting in his chest told him all he needed to know. She didn't have a ring on her finger. Yet. He hadn't asked her and he had no idea when he would. All the formalities were yet to happen but it didn't matter. In his head, Elena was already his wife.

He let out a breath and stared off into the sun. Able to clear most of the tears before she looked back up at him he focused back on her and listened. "I miss you every day, but I think you should know that I'm doing okay. Better than okay, now," she added. "I brought someone to meet you…two people really…" she swallowed, when saw Damon crouch down next to her out of the corner of her eye. His hand followed hers, slowly tracing the letters on the stone, feeling the cold smoothness.

"This is Damon," she whispered. "And Chase is over there," she tipped her head. "I know I am usually quiet and don't bring anyone here, but I need you to know something. I have to say something to you because I think it will help_ me_ understand it better. I'm sure you already know. You've probably been watching it happen the whole time, shaking your little head at your goofy Mom…" she paused when she felt Damon's hand fall on hers as she traced the rock. "I will never forget you. I think of you every morning and every night. You taught me how wonderful love really is and that it's meant to be shared. I need to tell you that I'm _not_ replacing you. I'm not erasing you from anything. You always said you loved it when I smiled. I'm smiling a lot now, and I'm happy. Damon and Chase have a lot to do with that. I love them," her voice broke. "And I know you'd want me to move on and do the things that would keep me happy. You will always be my son and my family. I just want you to meet them because…"

She paused for more than a minute, unable to get out what she really wanted to say.

"I'm going to have a real life with them. I just wanted you to know that you don't have to worry about me anymore. I'm really okay now. Thank you for always being there for me. It's time we find our peace, Cade…" she pressed a kiss down to his name and came up with a sniffle. Damon's hand rubbed a circle into the side of her thumb.

"I'll take care of your Mom," Damon managed, feeling the tears rising again. "I promise."

After a minute they rose, wiping their tears and stealing a glance at Chase against the tree.

"I love you, Damon," she whispered. "And I always will." She pressed her head into his chest in a hug.

Off in the distance about 20 plots away, two familiar figures stood with a rose. The woman knelt down slowly, kissing the rose as she placed on the grave.

"That's Jace's grave," Elena said coldly. "I see the here every year. They wait until I'm gone before they visit Cade. It always makes me sick but I tell myself to understand Jace was their son. They lost two people that day, regardless of why it happened. They still have a right to be sad." She swallowed. "I wouldn't Jace be buried by my son. I begged to make sure it didn't happen. I've never seen his grave. Kat doesn't visit him. She doesn't recognize he ever existed. But their parents...I get along fine with them…we've always been kind of close. It's just this day…like now…that it feels different for a second,"

As Chase slid his back up the tree and walked toward them, Elena noticed the pair walking in their direction. Damon squeezed her hand, ready to do whatever she needed. Leave, talk…

"Elena," Mrs. Pierce said, kissing her cheek a few feet away from Cade's grave. Elena squeezed the woman back then moved to hug Kat's father.

"Take as much time as you need with him," Elena whispered. "He'll be happy you came."

Nothing else was said. What else could they really say? _I'm sorry my son was a monster?_ No, it wasn't their fault. She'd never blamed them. They always loved her and always would. She would always remain a member of their family, the mother of their grandchild. There was a certain peace between them.

Elena took a deep breath and tightened her hold on Damon as they walked toward the car. When they'd shut themselves in and started the engine Elena let out a sigh. "Thank you for coming with me," she smiled. "You have no idea what that meant to me. You too, Chase."

"That's what this is all about, right?" Chase asked from the back. "We're a family. That's what families do,"

Elena warmed at the thought. It was amazing that something so beautiful had sprung out of such darkness, on all their parts. They'd had nothing, then suddenly everything...and it had hit them all at once.

"You got that right, kid," Damon leaned back to slap him a high five. Without knowing it, Chase had just made sense of a basic idea that had been foreign to Damon for years. Families supported each other. They loved each other, cried together, talked things through and stayed silent when they needed to. It wasn't one disappointment after another like his childhood had been. And even though he hadn't understood it until he was a grown man, he embraced it, let it consume him. He would live by those principles, and raise a son under them, too. "That's what families do."

* * *

**A/N: I was going along fine with this chapter until I got to the cemetery scene. That was the most emotional part of the chapter to write for sure. Looking forward to writing what happens next. I'd love to hear your thoughts. Thanks again!**


	23. Spectrum

**A/N: Thanks for reading! This is the second to last post. I have just an epilogue left, which I can't wait to write! **

**This chapter kind of floats through time. It starts out in the present with some serious 'remembering' of pretty big events. We'll hop back and forth a few times in this fashion, but by the end we'll be back to the present. **

**I've chosen Florence + The Machine's "Spectrum" for this big chapter. Thank you so much for taking the time to read. I'd love to hear thoughts from you! **

* * *

**All At Once**

**Chapter 22: Spectrum**

"Chase, hold up a minute, son," the words left the old man's lips with a crack. Frozen in place, the boy felt a hand fall on his shoulder. Through the thin, neatly pressed fabric of his white dress shirt, the touch was cold and unfamiliar. For a moment he felt he was staring into the eyes of a stranger instead of his own grandfather. With a heavy heart, he forced himself to stay respectful. Giuseppe had lost some rank with him recently, and considering what he'd just endured in a court room for the last few hours, he hardly had the energy to add more drama to his day.

He took a deep breath and let it out, as he had so many times that day to calm himself down. There was nothing the man could say that would make him feel he'd made a bad decision. His grandpa may have loved and supported his biological father from day one, but he'd lied to and mistreated Damon for years. Chances were, whatever Giuseppe had to say now wasn't going to be news. He just wanted to have the final word, he was sure.

He waited a beat for the old man's eyes to shift into that familiar blaze; that all-knowing smile always found its way to his grandpa's face at the worst moments. He had a way of making people feel small with no words at all.

"I thought you were good in there," he cleared his throat. His stare stayed calm but Chase wouldn't let his guard down so easily. "Brave," he said with a swallow.

Well, this was unexpected. He wasn't so sure he bought it. Grandpa didn't switch sides. Grandpa only thought about himself and his reputation.

"Yeah, thanks," he replied on an exhale. His eyes found his dress shoes and he shifted in them, uncomfortably. Man, he couldn't wait to change. The sooner he got back into his jeans and t-shirt, the sooner life got back to normal. This day was the first day of the rest of his life, but his tie was choking the hell out of him now, leaving him wordless. All the years of warmth came rushing back into his head…the dinners and the games his grandfather had tried to play with him when he was younger. Now that the man's true colors were out for the world to see, he was left wondering if Giuseppe would have loved him as much if he'd been Damon's kid. Something told him no.

"Rough day…" his voice softened and Chase caught wind of some unwanted sympathy.

"I'm fine," Chase said quickly, shaking it off. "I might have been raised by a liar, but _I'm _not one," he clarified. "I did the right thing, it's over…"

Giuseppe's hand fell from Chase's shoulder as the boy took a step forward. He stared at his grandson once more and something unreadable flashed into his eyes. "You really are like Damon, you know." He said seriously. He'd have assumed Giuseppe thought that was a bad thing, considering his opinion on his youngest 'son,' but the tone of his voice stayed neutral and Chase was left confused. "The way he is now…independent, moving forward…" he stopped, shaking his head. "This family's a shit show, Chase, but I've got to believe that you're going to be okay,"

"I am more okay now than I have ever been," his tone stayed steady, too.

"Maybe for now, Chase. This is new and fresh. I'm proud you were honest, but you just lost both parents to a long-term jail sentence. You don't have to pretend that doesn't bother you,"

"It makes me angry," he said seriously. "But their choices are not mine. I have Damon. I have Elena….we are a family. My past is my past. It doesn't have anything to do with my future," he said seriously, but with respect. In that moment his grandfather looked old, frail almost. He was sick, he knew. Stefan had said something about heart and lung problems. He looked the part now, and even with the barrier of distrust between them, he got a sense that Giuseppe was looking for some resolution. That's what people did when they were sick, wasn't it? Try to wrap everything up just in case? He'd never thought of his grandfather as a man who cared what others thought, but there was a very good chance that he may not want to go to the grave feeling like a complete dick.

"Right," he said in a sigh, then parted his lips and took another breath as if he had more to say. The pending words on Giuseppe's lips would never come.

A door flew open and the moment snapped. Damon had come to find him. Thank _God_.

"Hey, Chase…you okay…?" Damon trailed off when he saw them. A flash of anger went through him, but he tried to push it away and focus on the boy. The last thing he needed was a scene, and it would absolutely make matters worse if they picked that day, of all days, to start a fight in a courthouse.

He'd already watched two parents march out in handcuffs.

Giuseppe's eyes stayed locked on Damon in the otherwise silent courthouse hallway. He'd come through that door looking for his nephew and met a monster on the way.

As the click of his shiny dress shoes echoed on the black and white squares of the hall, Chase's heart pounded. He wanted out of there, and not just because he felt a wave of hell rolling through; he was tired and done being brave for the day. They had a flight to catch and he couldn't wait to get back in that California sun. The beach and the surf were calling his name. It was time to be a teenager, stir up the right kind of trouble. He may have missed out on a lot of the carefree stuff before, but there was still plenty of time to be a kid.

When the clicking stopped and he felt the waves of uncertainty and frustration rolling off his uncle, he quickly found his words.

"I'm good. I'm ready. Let's go before Elena's on that flight home alone," he loosened his red tie and flashed Damon a calming smile. He'd had enough of the awkward Grandpa conversation, anyway. "Uh, see ya, Grandpa," he gave him a small half-wave before he started walking toward the exit.

"Goodbye, Chase," he said strongly, but he felt a choking in his throat toward the end. It reminded him of what he already knew; there was a very good chance he'd just said his last farewell to his only grandchild. Even a bitter old man like himself could find regret and sadness in that. Death could come for him soon enough, he figured. He wouldn't live on in anybody's memory; he hardly deserved it.

After another glare up at Giuseppe, Damon shook his head and turned to leave.

"I think you're doing a good job," Giuseppe called out after him. Damon stopped but did not turn, his feet frozen to the ground. His fists balled tightly at his sides and he willed himself to focus. This wasn't about them and their shit; this day was about putting a criminal in her place and ensuring another criminal did his time. It wasn't about justice for the dead, at least not for him. It wasn't even about the sick feeling of satisfaction that danced in his stomach when that judge declared Caroline guilty. He'd won that day, but even a bitter guy like himself found it hard to feel too proud. He chalked it up to gratefulness that Chase, the boy who was soon to be his, could finally feel free. That great, warm feeling between father and son was something he'd never known before he'd taken the kid in; it was sure as hell too late for apologies from Giuseppe now.

"I don't need your approval," he bit out, hands still tight. "It means nothing to me, especially after the little stunt you pulled with my…" he stopped, not wanting to start that conversation with the man. "With Elena,"

He heard his father cough and closed his eyes, wondering why the hell his feet wouldn't just get working and carry him out the door. He owed him nothing and yet, he couldn't tear himself away from the chance at hearing what was owed to _him_ years ago.

"You and me…we can be done," Giuseppe clarified, "We don't have to talk ever again…and I know you don't need my approval. I'm a bitter old man, Damon. I've done a lot of cruel things in my life for my own benefit. You were a part of them and I _am_ sorry for it…" he paused. "You don't have to believe me. I don't blame you if you don't…"

"So you're dying," Damon said seriously. It wasn't a question. "You're scrambling to fix your mistakes. Won't work on me…." He'd gotten a letter in the mail from his mother a week ago telling him about his father's condition. He had some time still, but none of that mattered to Damon. He _didn't_ want a resolution.

"Maybe," he said quickly. "I might not even have another year in me. I won't see that kid grow up, but I wouldn't anyway, would I? I'm already dead to you,"

Damon's left hand went up to his face, shifting the skin on his forehead back and forth, willing himself to either find the words or walk away. Giuseppe took a sharp breath when he saw it, but made a mental note to keep his thoughts to himself. He had no business going _there_. He never thought he'd see the day; Damon really _had_ been serious about Elena Gilbert.

"Look, enough with the fucking guilt-trip, pity party bullshit, got it? This has nothing to do with us. Your stupid son just did the smartest thing he's done in years. He finally owned up to something. He's finally turning her in," he said roughly. "For years I thought your approval was important and now when I finally get it, I realize it never should've mattered. I'm a good father, somehow, despite what I was taught. And I'll be a good father to that boy. You want some comfort going to your grave old man?" He paused, feeling for a minute that maybe he was being a bit harsh, "You can die knowing that despite how you treated me, I still turned out to be a good man,"

"Damon," he said, his voice cracking when the man didn't turn. "Son…" it came out in a whisper when the man began to push through the doors.

"I am _not_ your son. You don't get me now that your real son is locked up. That's not how this works, Giuseppe…" he spat before he slammed through the door.

Giuseppe swallowed, heavy hearted. He was alone again, but the gold band on his ring finger was still in place. He stared at it for a moment, remembering the day Janie had slid it onto him for the first time. It was years ago when the world had still felt like a warm place with endless possibilities. Now as he tucked himself into bed alone every night it felt like it had all been a wonderful dream. Their already damaged relationship had torn even more the day he and Damon had gotten into it after dinner. Giuseppe and Janie were both to blame, really, but it was she would insisted they stay in separate wings of the house. Yes, when he called her she came. They were still married and probably would be until he died. The new guilty side of him wondered if she did it out of obligation and not out of love. Man, even he knew they were a mess.

He'd said goodbye to his oldest son…said it loud enough to ensure the man heard him as walked out of the courtroom ready to continue his sentence. If he'd have had more time alone with him, like the time he'd had with Damon just now, maybe he would've apologized to him, too. On the surface, Giuseppe had been the model father to Stefan. He supported him in everything. Everything.

Now he realized that had been the problem. He'd wronged him by never saying 'no,' by giving him money and supporting a lifestyle that only hurt his grandson. Yeah, he was part of the reason Stefan was behind bars today, he figured. He'd never been put in his place. If he'd been more strict, maybe the police wouldn't have been the ones to finally tell him 'no.'

It was a damn shame to know he was dying and there was nothing he could do about any of it. His bed was made and he was going to lay in it, but at least he'd finally had the balls to admit he'd been wrong…even if he was the only one who believed it.

* * *

Out in the parking lot, Chase pulled off his tie and slung it over his right shoulder. He took a deep breath of fresh air when the wind hit his face. His world was truly no different than it had been just two hours before, but it sure as hell felt a lot lighter. Working the top button of his shirt free, he joined Elena as she leaned against the front bumper of their rental car as they waited for Damon.

"Sick of rental cars," She mused, a smile playing on her lips. He appreciated the way things seemed so normal with her. The breeze cooled his face again and out of habit he moved to brush his bangs out of his eyes. When his hand went up he was met with just forehead and remembered she'd recommended he get a haircut before their court date. Now his hair stood up slightly from gel, and she couldn't help but think he already looked older than the first day they'd met.

He remembered the kind way she'd attended to him in the hall of the courtroom just before they'd walked through the thick wooden doors. She'd straightened the tie that now hung on his shoulder and reminded him to say 'sir' and 'and ma'am' and 'your honor' when appropriate. And just before they'd gone in she'd given him the greatest, most comforting hug he'd received in his life.

It had been that hug and a strong, promising gaze from Damon that had kept his head on straight when he'd taken the stand. He'd been sweating, his hands clammy as they rubbed on the knees of his black dress pants. There'd been so many people to look at and so little time. Was he supposed to keep his eyes on the person questioning him? Was he supposed to look at the judge? He'd watched court TV a bunch of times but it was all a blur now.

He tried to remind himself he wasn't the one in trouble. He'd withheld the truth, but with a defense like Damon had gotten him and an honest confession, he shouldn't face retaliation.

_"I didn't know what I saw," he cleared his throat. "I was afraid. I wasn't supposed to see anything…" He started. "Mom was having a good day. She was happy we were coming for dinner. When we got there, we saw the victim's car outside…" He continued to go through the story, explaining small details that could make or break the case. "I saw blood, on both of them…I saw my Dad wiping the blood off her…I didn't see who hit him….I swear I didn't. I was afraid to say anything. I'm sorry. I know it was wrong…"_

He let his eyes float over the people in that room. Of course he stayed on Damon and Elena the longest; watching them helped him remember why he was doing this in the first place. Unlike Stefan and Caroline, he _did_ have a life to go home to.

He watched the look of concern on Damon's face, the lines creasing his forehead in a way he would've typically rolled his eyes about. Now it was wonderful to see that worry; no one had ever thrown themselves in such a mess for him before. He felt pretty lucky, as crazy as it seemed.

Yep, there was Elena, smoothing the neatly pressed thin grey material of Damon's dress pants with her left hand as his leg bounced up and down. She was his uncle's best medicine, but his nerves worked through even her touches that day. He wasn't surprised to see her unfolding and refolding her square of tissue in her free hand. She'd dabbed the corner of her eye a few times and he'd silently cursed for putting her there, too. But he believed her when she'd said there was nowhere else she'd rather be, and he knew her tears were those of both pride and sadness. He was brave, but it was unfortunate he had to be there at all. Yeah, their relationship had always been something; he couldn't pinpoint the moment it had turned into this.

When he'd pulled his eyes off home for a moment he'd seen more familiar faces. Giuseppe and Janie were seated toward the back, further apart from each other than he expected. They weren't touching, weren't holding hands, unlike the other pair he'd just watched. The Salvatore family was ripped to shreds, it seemed; the only strong unit left standing was their little situation, and they weren't technically a unit yet.

He hadn't looked at Caroline or Stefan while he talked. He wasn't betraying them. Maybe Stefan had asked him to protect Caroline in the past, but he knew right from wrong. He always had, and lucky for him, he chose to execute it at just the right time. The more he thought about it, he wasn't condemning them at all. Nope. If anything, he was saving his birth parents. Stefan would stay in jail, yes, but it was nice to know there was a chance he could free his conscious up a little. And Caroline…well, she'd been in trouble for the drugs, to start. If she'd gotten out and gotten high, she could be dead by now, or worse, she could end up killing someone else if it came down to it.

But he hadn't confessed just to be a hero and he was okay with that.

His lawyer had warned them that the trial could go on for weeks, if necessary. He prepared himself for what that meant, but wondered if it was possible he didn't have to show every time. He wasn't sure he could stomach all the silence much longer.

He'd done a whole lot of wishing but he hadn't expected it to come true. Trials weren't easy…especially not murder trials. The person didn't typically outright confess.

She'd taken the stand and for a moment, Chase's breath had caught in his throat. It wasn't so hard to sit through it all remembering her as the sick, strung out woman who needed help and detox more than anything else in the world. But she was clean now, her hair neat and bright blonde as he always remembered it when it was freshly washed. She looked sober, but thin and unhappy. Yeah, he'd seen pictures of her healthy before, when she was younger…before the drugs. She was a version of that woman now, but he knew full well not by her own free will. He swallowed, praying the blood pumping in his ears would quiet down enough so he could hear what she had to say.

And then it happened. Caroline did the unthinkable, the most unselfish thing he'd ever known her to do. She told the truth, and she'd looked him right in the eye as she did it.

"Guilty…" she managed. "Absolutely guilty," she hung her head for a moment, trying to decide what to say next. "The victim was my drug dealer. I've been a cocaine addict for more than a decade. I lost custody of Chase a while ago, after Stefan and I divorced. I'm a bad person…but I'm a worse mother," she swallowed. "I had a strange relationship with the victim…and an even stranger one with my ex. What Chase said is true. I was clean when I called them for dinner. By the time they got there, I had done some bumps. Stefan showed up, and because of our strange relationship, things turned nasty fast. I was high as hell…" she paused, "excuse my language…I was gone, completely out of it. When they started fighting I don't know what came over me. My head was spinning and I that moment I couldn't help but think I had to stop the fight. They weren't hitting each other. It wasn't self-defense. They were arguing….anyway, I found the first thing I could and I hit him with it. Before I knew it Stefan was pounding on him, too. We passed the weapon back and forth. For one more second, we were a team, and it had been years since I'd felt that power with us. Sick, I know. Honestly, I don't know what blow finally did it. The truth is we both did it. It's just like they said. I'm guilty," she finished, shifting her gaze from Chase to Stefan.

It didn't take much else. Her lawyer's jaw dropped and whispers worked their way through the crowd. People knew Caroline and this was _not_ typical Caroline. Chase couldn't put a finger on why she'd confessed. A life in jail meant a life without drugs. She'd always said she couldn't stay clean after rehab. This would force it…but he couldn't believe she was in that kind of place in her head.

Then a sad thought crossed his mind. She'd once told him she was sick of living. Maybe she was saving herself. Better she lose herself behind bars than lose herself in a body bag after a little too much powder. They'd all picked a hell of a way to get their shit together.

And that was it. Stefan and Caroline would march out of there in handcuffs with expressionless faces. Everything happened so fast it was hard to keep track of what everyone was doing. Chase had taken his place back in his spot next to Damon. He shook his lawyer's hand, grateful for the job he'd done. When Stefan passed him his brow quivered at their eye contact. That look was probably supposed to say a lot of things but he couldn't understand even one of them. Was he sorry? Was he glad? Was it supposed to be goodbye?

He heard a small sound escape from Damon's lips and he quickly realized why. In a flash he saw it, and he'd never forget it because there was no way in hell it would happen again. As he passed, Stefan locked eyes with his little brother, sending him a nod that apparently Damon _did_ understand. And things were heavy and horrible between them, but Damon could appreciate what his brother meant. When Stefan mouthed a little 'thank you' and tipped his head to Chase, the boy felt his stomach drop. They may never repair what was once the greatest relationship brothers could have, but Damon would ensure that greatness would thrive within his son. He would do what Stefan hadn't, and for that tiniest moment, there was peace between them.

Caroline had done something similar, just without the thank you. Her eyes found Chase quickly but she all she seemed to do was swallow before she turned away. She skipped Damon and her eyes glued onto Elena. Yeah, there was some hostility between them. Caroline may have confessed and she may have lost her parental rights ages ago but it didn't mean she wanted Elena's motherly instincts all over her kid. There was bitterness there, or maybe anger. The question he would later ask himself was, just who was she angry with?

Time sped up and they'd finally gotten out of that stuffy room. After a moment in the bathroom and at the drinking fountain he'd come out to see Damon talking to his lawyer. They were shaking hands and nodding, probably discussing the goings on of the pending adoption. Provided they passed the final home visit and Stefan actually _did_ sign over his rights, it was practically in the bag.

He'd taken a moment to think it all through when he'd seen Elena and Janie in a conversation. He couldn't hear what they were saying, but he saw Elena nod and Janie looked on the verge of tears. Things were strange between them, but Elena was gentle and calm. Regardless of how disappointed she was in the woman, she wasn't going to throw that in her face that day. He was surprised to see it end in a small hug and a smile, but even more shocked to see Damon walk over to them. No hugging between mother and son, but Damon looked calm and he swore he saw his lips turn up, if for only a second. Elena worked miracles like that. She was Damon's greatest reminder that life goes on.

A lot had changed in the time that had passed since their rift. When they'd been told three months ago that Caroline was going to be tried for murder, he'd figured it would be one big family reunion. She didn't know they had a house and she absolutely didn't know Damon was about to make Chase his own….or Elena, for that matter. But then again, even Damon hadn't seen part that coming. He guessed they'd told Janie now, as she seemed a mess of happy tears.

And they'd been just about to leave for the airport when he'd hung back. Thirstier than a man on a permanent vacation in hell, he'd insisted on another drink from the fountain before he went to the car. That's when he'd been approached by Giuseppe.

It was crazy how much had happened in just a few hours. He hoped in the future this day wouldn't seem so clear, but at least he'd gotten through it. He'd taken that oath and stuck to it, knowing full well that the words he said could very well forever alter both Caroline and Stefan's lives. In a way, he'd disciplined them. Any pang of sadness that stung in his chest was for just that; they'd failed him, but most of all, they'd failed themselves. Where would their lives go now that they were truly apart? Now that Stefan didn't have Caroline and she didn't have cocaine, what would they learn to love? What would keep them going? And although he secretly wished it was the memory of him, he was smart enough to know that much hadn't changed. He had a clean slate now, and an adoption pending just a few minor details. Maybe someday, when he was older, he'd see his biological parents again; today just wasn't the day to think about what that would be like.

"When's this last home visit?" he yawned. They'd been through them before, since the beginning, but few were as important as the last ones. "I have a small mountain growing in the corner of my room. Mostly socks. I should probably get on that,"

"In two weeks," she sighed. "And I'm not worried about your sock mountain right now. I think they're going to think Damon's a bad parent because you didn't do your laundry," she nudged him. "We'll get to it. Let's just focus on getting on the plane, sleeping, getting off the plane…" she stretched her arms above her head. "Am I the only one who feels like we're running on autopilot?"

"Nope," he said, crossing his arms over his chest. "Been a busy month, that's for sure," he smiled as she crossed arms as he had, his eyes landing on Elena's thin hands. "Though, you guys are so to blame for part of that. Yeah, you know exactly what I'm talking about here…" He smiled. Teasing her about their latest endeavor would _never_ get old.

"Oh, so that was an inconvenience, huh? ," She teased back, knowing full well he wouldn't change a thing about any of it. "_Now_ you tell me!" She stuck her tongue out at him. "Trips are just no fun," she pouted playfully. "Especially surprise ones like that."

"Love trips, aside from this of course. Hate all the plane time and car time. Hate those damn bathrooms, but I have to have the free drinks. You know how water goes through me…"

"We got way off topic here," she smiled, fiddling with her fingers.

"I kind of love how that happens," he shrugged and straightened himself to walk when Damon approached the car looking stressed again. "Uh oh…" Chase whispered only loud enough for Elena to hear.

"We cannot get out of this damned place fast enough, believe me," He sighed, pressing the unlock button on his keys. "This family chooses _the_ strangest places to try to settle dust." He ran a hand through his hair and shook his head.

"You good?" Chase asked, "You got the weird eyes from grandpa, too, didn't you? Dang, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have left you in there alone with him. I needed air, big time."

"You're fine. That's not something you have to worry about." Damon squeezed his eyes shut once before he opened the car door. "And I don't know what I got from him, really. An apology, maybe…but not for anything specific. He sounded serious but it's always hard to tell with him. The guy's on his way out and I'm about as insensitive as it gets on the whole thing. Can you blame me?"

"No," Elena's hands found his shoulders and gave him a quick reassuring squeeze but tipped her head toward Chase to indicate that he _might_ be feeling sad about his grandpa's last days.

"Yeah, Chase…I don't mean to be an ass. It's okay if you want to talk to him…as long as he doesn't start stuff. Don't let my personal issues with him get in the way. He is your grandpa. That's your choice," He never figured those words would come out of his mouth. That was the thing about kids; you still wanted to make them happy, even if the person involved pissed you off.

"I don't know yet," he shrugged. "The guy was a dick to you. Besides, I really can't think of anything right now except that super static-filled blanket and horrible pillow they give you on the flight. Oh, and the pretzels. All this grown up adult stuff is making me hungry,"

"Airport food it is," Damon had booked a flight from his phone the very moment they stepped out of that courtroom. They had a good four hours before it left but they'd seen enough of Virginia for a while. A busy airport was more calming than some of the silence in that town right now. "Anything else you want to do before we leave this place?"

"No," he said quickly. "Done with this place."

"Do you want to talk about it?" Damon asked, releasing a breath. He remembered the way Chase's shoulders had sagged in relief once they'd called the case. They'd all physically relaxed when they'd hit the air of that hallway. The tension that had been building finally snapped and Chase's eyes had glossed over in relief as he'd given Damon the kind of hug that was _I love you _and _thank you_ all rolled into one. Could it really all just be over? Yeah, it could.

It was a moment none of them would forget and there'd be only a few that stood to rival its significance. One had happened and the other was still to come.

It was funny how normal it seemed to want to help the kid. It still surprised him, sometimes. A year ago he didn't talk about his family to anyone, and it wasn't because he was trying to save them some grief. It was too hard to explain, and frankly, he had a hard time visiting it in his own head. Did his misfortune as a kid make him irresponsible? Did it put those women in his bed? No. That was all him. That was the side of him he no longer recognized.

"Sure," Chase started. "It went better than I thought. My parents aren't saints but they at least were honest. I don't get why and I'm not going to make something up in my head to make myself feel better about the whole thing. I'm angry that it even bothered me to see her up there…I wish I felt nothing, but I guess that will come with time,"

"Maybe, maybe not," Elena said softly. "But it's okay to love them, you know. It doesn't mean you don't love us. We know that. So if you want to talk about it, it's not going to upset us…even after the adoption."

Yeah, he'd wondered about that. A part of him wanted to erase the past in order to move forward. He wondered what a few signatures on a piece of paper would do to their relationship. Maybe they'd be stricter, but something told him they'd always be fun. He couldn't imagine things shifting _that_ much, but then again, Damon and Elena were ever evolving; there was no telling what would happen next. Damon suddenly being his legal father was just the start.

* * *

Hours later on the plane, Elena slipped her head on Damon's shoulder and stared out the window at the clouds. It was hard to tell if life was about slow down or speed up. She'd been back to a solid month before she'd taken another few days off for the trial. Meredith wasn't the most understanding woman in the world; she often didn't understand Elena's sudden _family_ that had seemingly sprung out of nowhere. But Elena had put a lot of time into that company over the years and even Meredith remembered that. Things had to slow down at some point, she knew, and for the time being it seemed her boss was willing to give her the vacation time she needed.

They'd been settled into their home for three months now. The walls were crisp, bright colors that were warm and homey and absolutely them. Their bed often felt too big compared to their old one, but she still easily found her legs tangled in Damon's every night. Things were settling into normal surprisingly easily. Now that the trial was over, they were one step closer to keeping it that way.

Next on the agenda: the final home study. Throughout the months Damon had had custody of Chase a social worker had shown up here and there. It had always been fine, nothing stuck out as problematic. And it was still that way, of course, but they'd dropped some new information during the last check-in last month, and that was a bit of a game changer…for all of them.

"Oh my…." The surprised smile on the social worker's face was brilliant. She was young, just starting out, but it was safe to say the Salvatore family was her favorite case. She'd been a Damon and Elena fan since the first time she'd seen them together. "When?"

"A week ago," Damon said with a smile, brushing Elena's hair off her back and onto the front of her shoulder. What a week it had been! His head was still spinning from it all, but he was glad for it. He hoped it always felt like this…like he was walking on the clouds, the luckiest man alive…won the love lottery and all that cheesy nonsense.

"Well it does change some things. We'll need to do another check now that we aren't just focused on you," her eyes shifted from Damon to Elena. "But it's still generally the same living situation it would have been. I can't imagine this will delay it too much."

"Whatever I need to do, Mary," Elena said with a smile. "However long it takes is fine. It doesn't have to be at the same time. I just wanted you to know our plan. I still have to talk to him about it."

"Yes, Miss Gil… um…" she said out of habit, but her eyes locked on Elena's hand and she corrected herself. "I mean, Mrs. Salvatore,"

"Still new to me, too," Elena admitted. "But it has a nice ring to it, doesn't it? Elena Salvatore,"

"Yes," Mary nodded. "I'm sorry, it's none of my business, I'm just so surprised. The last few times we talked you were still going forward with Damon being the only one seeking adoption. Marriage was on the radar but way far away. Like I said, I'm just surprised." She stopped for a moment, thinking out loud. "This is very unprofessional of me, I'm sorry…"

"You're fine," Elena smiled. "Do what you need to do, talk to Chase, whatever else, but please wait until I've talked to him. I'd hate for him to find out from someone other than us…"

"Of course. Maybe by next visit…next month?"

"Sure, okay. It was always in the plans. We didn't just get married so I could adopt him, too," she clarified. "I know that's probably what's going through your mind right now, and I understand you probably have to ask it. I know it seems somewhat out of the blue, but I can promise you this day would have happened regardless,"

"Okay," Mary smiled and jotted it down in her notebook before they continued their evaluation, all the while taking mental notes of just how happy she was for the three of them.

* * *

Tucking that little memory away in her mind, Elena let herself drift to sleep in her plane seat. With a head full of big thoughts, she relaxed into her favorite one of all, but the dream version wasn't half as amazing as when she'd lived it.

A lot could happen in a week if you wanted it to. It was crazy how very unrushed it had seemed…how normal and right. Damon had made a promise to her awhile back. He'd said he'd give her all the time she needed, that he wouldn't ask her to marry him until he knew she was ready. That timeline had always seemed a little hazy and he wasn't sure how he was even going to measure it, but he figured he'd just know. He'd bought the ring awhile back, always hoping it was a matter of _when_ and not _if._ Hell, when she'd told him she loved him on the beach a few months back, she'd practically told him she was going to say 'yes' when the day did come.

Surprisingly enough, the day came before he even realized it.

She'd been at work after hours on a Friday. He'd dropped her off that morning and taken her car into the shop to get an oil change. It worked out perfectly because they had a date planned that night…a trip to the wine bar just a few miles from their home. She'd called him up at 6:30 and said she was sorry but she had to stay at least another hour…that he should wait a bit before he came to pick her up.

Yeah, she was there alright, but it had nothing to do with work. That damn intern Adam wouldn't leave the office and with each passing minute, her nerves blared. She wasn't sure who he was trying to earn brownie points with, considering she was the only one there, but he needed to go…like _now_. The moment he called out a little goodbye and clicked the self-locking door behind him her heart started pounding.

This was it. She wanted to do this. It wasn't rushed, it wasn't just for Chase. This was her life and her decision and no one had forced her into anything. He'd been the perfect gentleman in waiting. She only hoped he could forgive her for stealing his moment in the sun. In the end, it wouldn't be about who did the asking, it would be about what it meant. She'd never been the conventional type and he knew that. Yeah, she'd been tossing this around in her head for a while and it had finally cleared up. Yes, she most definitely was going to marry Damon Salvatore. She just couldn't see him saying 'no.'

She smoothed her black pencil shirt nervously and cleared her throat when she heard a small knock on the office door. She'd played this out a hundred times in the last half hour but she was sure it would play out better than she'd imagined. She gave herself a little pat on the back before she opened the door and saw him dressed in a black button down and black dress pants. He'd been sex on legs since the first time he'd walked through that office door. He still was, of course, but there was a stark difference in the heat he'd sent in her back the flush she felt as she saw him now.

"You okay? Your cheeks are all red," his hand raised up to cup her face and she swallowed.

"Yeah, I'm great. Just have a lot on my mind," she smiled.

_Oh crap_, she was already botching the plan. In her head she'd been so smooth but she was about to be the bumbling idiot they always portrayed on TV.

"We can cancel if you're too tired," he frowned. "We'll have other nights, Lena. Other dates…no big deal…"

"No, we're not canceling," the words rushed out of her lips and his eyebrows dipped in concern. She must really need that wine, he figured.

"Okay," he smiled, "If you're sure you're up for it, I'm still game,"

She pressed a kiss to his cheek before she went to sit back down at her desk. Tossing manila folders of paperwork from one point to another on her desk, she tried to make herself look busy. She wasn't truly searching for anything, except maybe the right words. Yeah, this was the moment alright…the perfect set up. He didn't even see it coming.

"Baby, what's the matter?" he flattened his hands on her desk, dipping his head down to meet her eyes. "You're all flustered…you got your head on work? What are you looking for?"

She shook her head and paused. This was it. She looked up at him and locked on that blue stare. It was bluer than ever, if that was possible, and it still gave her the warmest feeling in her stomach. For a second the memory of their first encounter flashed before her.

_Do you have a boyfriend? Do you want a boyfriend? Are you a serious relationship kind of woman, Elena Gilbert…?_

_We'll stop when it's too much or something comes up. If we get too busy we'll stop…_

It was if she was recalling words of strangers, now.

She took a deep breath and saw it as her cue.

"Are you a serious relationship kind of guy, Damon?" She mentally slapped herself, yeah, that part had gone more smoothly in her head, too.

"What?" He laughed, lifting one hand off the desk and pressing it to her forehead. "Do you have a fever? Are you delirious? Come on baby, get up from behind that desk and let's go. That's the craziest question you've ever asked me. You know I love you. We're about as serious as it gets. How about we put the kibosh on the wine and hit a bottle of water…"

"Doesn't it sound familiar?" She managed, keeping her eyes on his. "You asked me this once…right here, five months ago. You asked me if I wanted a boyfriend."

He measured her carefully, his head not even close to catching on to what she was trying to do. Of course he remembered it; he hadn't known it then, but that had been the moment he'd met the rest of his life. He gave her a soft smile then shook his head. God he'd been an idiot back then. He was lucky she even fell in love with him at all.

"I said no. I said I didn't do relationships," she continued. "I said I never wanted to have breakfast with you and you told me that you weren't the attachment kind of guy."

"I remember," he nodded, "And I am so sorry about that whole mess, Elena, really I am…"

She waved him off and pressed on. She was half way to home now and she couldn't back out…didn't want to. "Who were we then, Damon? I'm certainly not that woman anymore…" She smiled, touching the hand that rested on her cheek and brought it back down on to the desk to hold it. He leaned forward, his elbows straight and tight. "The truth is... I want to have breakfast every day with you for the rest of my life. I need that snuggling and spooning crap that I said I didn't want back then, and I need it with you. I want it with you," her thumb rubbed over his hand gently.

"I know," he smiled. "And we have that. Elena, what's…"

"No, you don't know," she shook her head and bit her lip. She was ready to let the words escape. With a pounding heart and blazing cheeks she closed her eyes once more before she said it. "Every day. For the rest of my life. My answer is yes. I _am_ a serious relationship kind of woman and I want to get as serious as possible with you…"

"Lena…" he swallowed, completely taken by surprise. This was good…really good. He hadn't seen it coming and he felt like an idiot that he hadn't seen the signs before now. That ring was still tucked away in his safe and he hadn't considered taking out tonight, until now. "Are you asking me…are you saying you'll marry me…"

"A woman can propose you know," she smiled. "It's 2012,"

"I know, I'm just…" he stuttered, "Hell, Lena, I'm…"

Flabbergasted. Wordless. A stuttering idiot.

"You're blushing," she touched his face with a smile. "I'm honored, I think. Damon Salvatore does _not_ blush easily," she waited a second. "You _are_ blushing right? Or are you sick…oh God…"

"Trust me, I'm not sick. I'm shocked. I'm in crazy shock right now," he admitted. At that she saw his elbows buckle and he straightened himself to walk around the back of the desk. She stood up and took his hands. Were they shaking? Yeah, the definitely were. "I bought you a ring…I have one at home…I was going to ask you. I was…"

Her heart slammed harder. They'd been on the same page for longer than she'd realized. The things he'd once had to hide from her were now free and she was absolutely in love with them. She was ridiculously in love with the man in front of her. They'd had their ups and downs and they would again. Life could be terrifying and downright cruel but she was no longer afraid of her own heart.

Once she'd gotten over that hump things had made perfect sense.

"So that's a yes then?" She asked, hopefully. "We're going to do this? You'll marry me?"

"That's a _fuck_ yes, Elena," he said with absolute certainty and the biggest smile she'd ever seen. In an instant his lips were on hers and they were pressed against her wobbly cubical wall. "Jesus yes…" he said between kisses.

After a moment she pulled away with a smile and pointed up to a camera. "Big brother's watching and all that…kind of need my job," she licked her lips with a laugh. "We have an adoption to pay for…"

"Right," he slid the back of his hand across his lips and smiled at the smudge of lipstick on his skin. "That settles it. You are done working for the day. We are going to that wine bar and then we are going home and finishing this. All of this…" he waved around. "And there's the matter of that ring…if you'll have it, of course. I tried to decide what you'd like…"

"It'll be perfect, I'm sure," she smiled, the color flaring in her cheeks. "You're not upset that I asked first, are you? I know you like to be romantic. I just, well I've been the one with the hang ups. I so appreciate how patient you've been. The fact that you have a ring tells me this question has been on the tip of your tongue for a while…"

"Yes," he assured her, pressing a kiss to her hands as they knotted together. "And I'm not upset. I was prepared to wait forever if it took that long,"

"I know that," she nodded. "That's why I needed it to be me. I knew you weren't going to push it…not after that little scene I made a few months ago. But I was afraid of loving like that back then, Damon. I needed to be the one to tell you I'm ready because I need you to believe me. This isn't out of obligation because you're about to adopt Chase. I love that boy. I want him to be ours together…but this marriage is us…purely us…"

"Yeah," he smiled, letting her continue. God he loved when she let herself be free like this.

"Caroline's trial changes nothing for any of us, really. It's just a bump in the road. If something happens…if we didn't get Chase for some reason…I still want this. I'd still want us…"

"Me too," he swallowed, knowing every word from her pretty, swollen lips was the true.

"We'd have fallen in love anyway….if Chase had never come into our lives at all," she said.

"Would we have?" He smiled, resting his hands on her hips. "I'd like to think so, but I'm not so sure. You barely gave me the time of day back then, Lena. Yeah, I did a lot more begging than I'd ever like to admit." He teased. "So worth it."

"I would have shed my innermost layer of bitch eventually…" she wiggled her eyebrows.

At that he let out a laugh.

"Come on baby, you're too hard on yourself. But yeah, if we'd given it a real go, then yes, we absolutely would have ended up here anyway. I like this version better, though…no question. That boy is a part of this."

"Yeah and I'm glad we don't have to think about that. That kid brings a lot of fun into this thing we have. Brings a lot of life, really..."

"He's going to be happy to hear about this," Damon smiled. "When do we tell him? Tonight? And what kind of wedding do you want? Big, small? Anything you want, Lena. Anything…"

"Fast," she said seriously. "With immediate family of our choice, including Kat and Mason," it was as if she had it already planned. "On a beach in San Diego…"

"San Diego?" He smiled. "Why there? Plenty of beaches here in LA…"

"Loved it there as a kid. My family took a weekend trip every year. I want this to be special but not huge. So…she popped the tack off her cubical wall and pulled her calendar down onto her desk. "What's next weekend look like for you?"

"That is fast," he laughed. "Are you sure you're okay with that? Don't want to get a bunch of fanciness lined up?"

"Damon…" she said, shaking her head, "Do you want to marry me next weekend or should I pencil you in for a later date?"

"Actually, I think I'm free next weekend," he flipped through the calendar on his phone and she swatted him on the shoulder before she grabbed his phone and set it on her desk. "Make sure everyone else is and it's a date…or, a wedding, I guess…" he kissed her for a moment before he pulled away again. "Let's go! We've got a date with some jazz and wine. Then the real fun starts. Think sex with a fiancée is any different?"

"Oh, I'm sure it's even better…but we better just be sure,"

And it was all talk about love and forever as they dreamed over a glass of red wine a piece before they went home to talk to Chase. They had a very important question for him. One was enough for that night. Elena was going talk to him about the adoption at a later time. One big milestone at a time was plenty.

* * *

He was sitting on the couch in a pair of grey sweats and a white t-shirt when they arrived. He'd had good and bad days since his mom's court date had been announced a few months back. They'd set the trial for 3 months out and it had seemed like forever back then. Now they were down to a month left. Each day it crept closer he felt more nervous.

"Hey bud," Damon said sitting down on the couch next to him and turning the TV off.

"Dude, Damon what the hell? _Hello_, boxed set of Baywatch…duh…" he held up the case and Pamela Anderson's boobs got stuck on Damon's eyes.

"You realize you were like a year old when she left the show, right? Boobs had a whole different appeal to you back then. Although…"

"Ugh, vulgar…" Elena snorted with a laugh.

"Whatever, Lena. Look Chase, the babes will be there in a minute," he wiggled his eyebrows and Elena rolled her eyes. "Right," he cleared his throat. "We have some important stuff to talk about,"

"It _better_ be," he teased, stroking the cover of the DVD set.

"Give me that damn thing," Damon grabbed it and tossed it across the room. "You really make this more difficult than it has to be. Listen, we're planning a trip next weekend to San Diego…"

"Can't go…have fun," he shrugged.

"What?" Elena asked with a crack in her voice. Of course he had no idea, but things were already not working as planned. "Why?"

"Plans to go to Dan's. Big baseball day. I'm playing til I'm bleeding," he said with a smirk.

Elena cringed. "Wow that's…that sounds fun…" she looked at Damon for some help.

"Is there any way to reschedule this blood fest? We kind of need you to come with,"

"Why? It could be all romantic if just the two of you go. Leave the kid at home and all that…"

"We need you…" Damon repeated, running a hand through his hair. "We, uh…I'd like to ask you to be my best man…"

"Damon I'm really busy and….wait, what?" Chase stood up and walked over to Elena who was nodding. "Best man? As in wedding? Dude, you put a ring on it?"

"Uh…_she_ put a ring on it," Damon nodded toward her. "Okay, there's no physical ring yet, but…"

"That's kind of awesome," Chase laughed. "Way to go, Elena. Wearing the pants and all that…"

Elena laughed. "Thank you," she said as he pulled her into a hug. "For you guys, I think the bloody baseball can wait."

"You hear that, Lena? We're cooler than baseball," he waggled his eyebrows and shook Chase's hand before he pulled them into a hug. "And Baywatch," he teased and Chase pulled away to punch him in the shoulder. "But seriously, Chase…thank you. You're the first person and the only person I would ever consider for this,"

All the kid could manage was a small "cool" but Damon and Elena read him loud and clear. He was as honored as it got.

"Hang on a second," Damon said, running into the master bedroom. He found his safe in a heartbeat and unlocked it easily. There it was in that black, velvety box. It was beautiful but it would be even more breathtaking on her finger. He'd known it just a short while after he'd met her. She was wife material….the kind of woman you held onto tightly and never let go.

Practically running back into the room, he dropped down to his knee with the box. "I love that you asked me first, but I have to do this for my ego. I had it planned out and I still want to see that look on your face when you say yes…" he swallowed, cracking it open slowly to reveal a white gold band holding a 1 karat princess cut diamond. "Elena Gilbert is a beautiful name, but I like the sound of Elena Salvatore _much _better. For years I thought marriage and love was all about being tied down, but now I get it. You've _never_ tied me down. You've always held me up. I love you…and I know you already said yes, but I want to hear it again. Marry me. Be my wife. Hold me up forever…"

"Still a yes," she managed as a tear rolled down her cheek. "Still a _fuck_ yes,"

"Language check," Chase broke in with their comic relief. "Little ears," he pointed to his head and they turned with a smile. Damon stood up and slid that ring on her finger. It fit as if it had been made just for her. "But really, congratulations, guys…." He slung an arm around each of them. "I'm so proud of how you've grown up…"

But the words weren't sarcastic. He'd meant what he said. They'd all grown up, hadn't they? And they'd done it together. These were parents, no matter _what_ happened with the adoption. If Stefan didn't turn over his rights and he was never legally Damon's, these were still his parents, his family…the way a family should be. And this was just one memory he would make with his new family.

He pulled out his phone and held it out, taking a picture of the three of them. It was off center and awkward but absolutely them. And it was only the start of the pictures he'd take of the three of them. Baseball games, birthday parties, graduations, weddings…maybe even his one day. If he had it his way, they'd make enough memories in their lifetime to fill 100 photo albums.

* * *

Elena snapped awake as the plane started to descend and cursed. Dream-Elena hadn't been asleep long enough to get to the wedding this time but there was always next time. The memory of walking down that sandy aisle on the beach was still plenty fresh in her memory.

The nightmares were few and far between now. She had a whole lot of happy in her head these days. How could she not?

She was cold, as her thin travel blanket had slid off her shoulders. She looked up at her sleeping husband whose hand was locked with hers then back over to Chase and his headphones. She took a breath and a moment to appreciate the peace in it all.

"Chase," she swallowed and pulled an earbud from his right ear. He straightened up in his seat and popped out the other, letting them drape over his shoulders.

"What's up, Elena?" he looked past her for a moment at a very sleeping Damon and smirked.

"I'd like to adopt you," she managed. "If it works out, of course," she added. "I already think of you as my son. I love you…and if you're okay with it, I'd like to be your Mom," she watched his jaw drop open. Of course it had been hanging in the air for a while. He'd hoped she'd ask but they'd never formally discussed it since the wedding had taken place. It only made sense…

"If you'd like some time to think about it, that's okay," for a second she thought maybe it was tacky of her to ask on the day Caroline had been sentenced to prison.

"Yes, I mean no! I don't need any time at all," he smiled. "I would love it if you were my Mom,"

"Okay," she smiled from ear to hear when he squeezed her free hand. "Thank you…" And she held both of her guys' hands tightly, waiting to touch ground. Life was wonderful for the simple fact that it was filled with surprises. That had once seemed like a bad thing; the idea that she had no ultimate, absolute control of her future had scared her almost to the point of panic. Now it was beautiful and exciting. She had no idea where she was headed or what they'd run into next, but as long as she had these two guys, she was headed in the right direction.

* * *

**A/N: Thank you so much for your time and patience! I know my updates haven't been as timely, but I am so happy when I get a chance to sit and marathon write, as I did with this chapter. When I told my husband I wrote for 6 straight hours for two days in a row I got a serious eyebrow raise ;) **

**Once again, I appreciate all the time you've put into reading this story and all of the amazing feedback. I appreciate every single one of you. :-) See you soon for the epilogue! **


	24. Epilogue: The Luckiest

**A/N: One more time! I am happy both happy and sad to post this epilogue. I always feel like I'm right along side with my characters as I write them, and this is a story that will be hard to say 'see ya later' to. So here we go...one more day with them.**

**I'd like to thank my readers and everyone who has reviewed. You all mean more to me than you probably think. I've loved hearing thoughts as each chapter has passed, so thank you for your time.**

**I've chosen "The Luckiest" by Ben Folds to close this story. Those of you who know the song may know why. It's beautiful and simple and I can't think of a better way to sum up the way this group feels as this all draws to a close for us.**

**Once again, Thank You. I've included a short summary of my next story "Through the Ghost" at the end of the closing Author's Note.**

* * *

**All At Once**

**Epilogue: The Luckiest**

"Make sure you stretch out that arm," Damon warned as he sent the baseball past the setting sun and into his son's glove. "Don't overdo it. I don't want to find out from someone else you're out for the season because you were careless…"

Chase smiled and shook his head silently. The sky was settling into a pretty orange over the waves on the beach right in front of his house, yet he couldn't remember ever feeling more homesick. Winter break was ending soon and he'd be saying goodbye to them all for a little while again.

"Helping the competition, Dad?" He smiled, taking a deep breath because his lungs felt heavy, as if they'd give out at any moment.

Damon slapped his hand on Chase's shoulder and took a deep breath of his own. "Hey, you're my kid first, competition second. You've got a fan in me," he opened his button down shirt to reveal a dark blue and gold _Cal_ T-shirt against his skin with a smile. "It's _just_ baseball."

The words were out of Damon's lips before he realized it. It had never been _just_ a game to him. It had been his life, his dream, the only thing he'd ever wanted to do with himself. His world had absolutely ended when he could no longer play. He'd found an out in that game when he'd had nowhere else to turn, and he'd felt cheated for years, as if his family had found a way to take away the one thing that actually made him happy. Now he knew differently. Life happens and the world tilts. A window closes and a door opens. It didn't have to be one or the other. He could have a family _and_ baseball.

"My guys don't expect me to cheer against you," he winked. "But listen, don't forget what's really important, okay? Study hard, have fun, call your mother. She's brave but she's not _that _brave, okay? She misses you. We all do," His lips turned up into lopsided smile as he buttoned up again.

This wasn't a send-off, really. They'd already done all that in September when he'd moved some six hours north of them and hung his clothes of a door room closet. This was 'see ya,' again, and it was just as hard the second time around. He'd been home just twice since school started…Thanksgiving and then winter break. Damon was happy he was so busy but every now and then he wished things could go back to the way they used to be…late night frozen pizzas and charades...those damn headphones…

He was barely ready to let the kid grow up, but he didn't have much of a say in that, did he? Life worked on its own timeline. It was hard and fast sometimes and blissfully slowly at others.

It could slow down anytime now.

They heard familiar voices behind them and saw Elena flipping food on the grill.

"I better get back," Damon tipped his head toward the group. "Your mom's a wizard with the oven but the grilling gets a bit sketchy," he smiled. "I just, uh…" he cleared his throat. "I just wanted a minute, you know, a time out for us to regroup before tomorrow…"

"Yeah, I know what you mean," Chase nodded. He missed their conversations. They talked on the phone but it wasn't the same. He was 18-years-old but he still needed his parents. When he thought about his youth, he often skipped to end when he found his real family. The rest was a tragedy that he didn't like to revisit.

"You still good there, at school? Still happy and all that?" Damon's brown knit together and he stared off into the distance again at the people gathered around the wooden deck. The weight in his chest worked its way up into his head and the last thing he wanted to do was let his voice waiver. He missed his kid like hell…sort of hoped he would've stuck around home and play for his team, but he couldn't keep him under his wing forever. Even if Chase's life was more than three hundred miles away from theirs, he'd never ask him to come home.

He barely even had to try to feel like a father to that kid. It had happened in the blink of an eye, and years wouldn't erase the memories of those first few months together. He had stronger arms and tanner, California skin, but he was still that young boy that had slammed into the center of his heart. They'd taught each other how to be father and son, and they'd had a wonderful woman to help them along the way.

"Yeah, I'm good," he swallowed. "But I love it here, you know. I love coming back,"

"Good," Damon released a breath he didn't know he was holding. "You can always come home, Chase. Anytime...it doesn't have to be a holiday or a break. I know we'll all be busy around spring break with games, but if you get extra time, come home if you want. You don't have to ask," He stretched his hand out to shake the boy's now strong hand and pulled him into a hug. "We will always be your home…."

"I know," he said simply, slapping Damon on the back before breaking the hug. They let the silent hang for a moment before he spoke again. "Up early for catch tomorrow before I go?"

"Yeah," Damon nodded. "Yeah, sure," Damon's eyes floated to Chase's group of friends walking toward them from the deck. He tucked his hands into his pockets. "See you up at the house in a bit. Convince your friends to come for seconds on the food. Your Mom hasn't suffered over that grill for nothing," he smiled, heading up the beach to the house.

Most of Chase's high school friends had stayed local, attending smaller schools or waiting a year or two before they started. Chase had mentioned they were having a little get-together before he headed back up to school, as he'd soon be busy with the start of the baseball season and have even few opportunities to visit home. What had started out as a little family gathering had turned into a full blown beach party. He didn't mind, really, but Elena's heart had sunk a little when she'd found out they wouldn't have much alone time as a family before he headed out in the morning.

Word of mouth carried quickly with Chase. His popularity had soared in high school, but he'd never let it get out of control. He'd moved up quickly on the baseball team after his coach forgave him and played in summer leagues under Damon's coaching. Despite his good looks and social life, he was a kind-hearted, down-to-earth young man. They couldn't have been more proud of him than when he walked across that high school auditorium stage. He wasn't just graduating; he was kicking his past in the ass with a smile on his face. They'd all accomplished something that day.

"Hey, your family's still awesome, by the way," his buddy Dan said, slipping on a baseball glove he found on the sand next to Chase. A few of the girls slung on sweatshirts and walked along the shore. It was January in California, but he'd managed to work up a sweat between the sick feeling in his stomach and the rough game of catch he'd just played with his Dad.

"So what's it going to be like…playing against him?" Dan twisted the sandy ball in his palm before slapping it against the soft leather a few times. He tossed it lightly at first, warming his muscles.

Chase pulled his arm back and sent the baseball quickly back into his friend's glove.

"Trying not to think about it, really. I think I'll be nervous as hell when we actually play...more so because I don't want to disappoint him, though," he smiled for a moment, squinting in setting sun. "Nah, but it'll be okay. I mean, I'll probably be warming the bench for a while anyway. And we're cool …it's not like that with us. Never has been…"

They'd played catch on that beach dozens of times, and talked for hours about nothing at all. Sometimes he still felt 15, but he could fill a book with great memories of all that had happened between then and now.

With a quick wipe of sweat from his forehead with his bare arm, he prepared for the ball's return. There was a certain peace in the exchanging of the ball; you knew what to expect, what was coming next. Just a few months ago he'd been an 18-year-old who was about to move 6 hours upstate for college. Uncertainty was his enemy then, but he was getting used to it slowly.

He wanted to go, would've been crazy to turn down the chance to play baseball at the University of California-Berkeley. He hadn't figured on heading to the majors afterward. Baseball was for fun and only fun. He was excited to live in the dorms and experience life in a different part of the state, but that didn't make it easier to leave his life in Los Angeles. Unlike a lot of the other graduating seniors, he was perfectly content where he was. But he'd gone. He wanted to make his parents proud, himself proud. If they'd taught him anything it was that his life was filled with endless opportunities. He wasn't about to wuss out at the very first big thing away from them.

"I'll bet he's happy to be back in the game, huh?" Dan said. "Been awhile since he's done something this big with it."

Chase tossed the ball once more, shaking off the nerves. The end of Damon's pitching career was still a story Chase had trouble discussing. He'd always known it was due to injury, but he'd carried a bit of guilt since he'd learned what sent him through that window. Damon had stood up for him years before he knew he needed saving; their paths had started intertwining back when he was Chase's age. Now that he was older, he understood just how big that was. He wasn't sure he could handle taking on that kind of responsibility and was happy he could still be a kid in a lot of ways. Damon and Elena were brave to have lived the way they did as teenagers, and they'd somehow turned out okay. That kind of thing wasn't luck, he knew. They were stronger than any two other people he knew.

He'd found himself in some trouble through the years, but nothing of real consequence. A few broken curfews and a speeding ticket were pretty ordinary offenses for someone his age. Every now and then he felt his temper rising and he fought hard to knock it on its ass, but compared to what his life could have been like, this was a cake walk. Damon and Elena had never babied him and always made sure he knew right from wrong. They'd grounded him and he'd gotten angry at first, but looking back on it, he realized it was only because they loved him. He was grateful they gave a damn. Contrary to what they said, they'd sacrificed a lot for him over the years, and not just because he'd practically crash landed into their lives.

Chase had seen Stefan exactly once since the adoption, and that was at his grandfather's funeral two years ago. That situation was still a mess and he wasn't sure it would ever really be ironed out. Stefan was family, but he wasn't sure what that meant. He wasn't his father. He wasn't a friend. He was a man from his past that had been fortunate as fuck to have a baby brother like Damon to clean up his saw the letters exchanged between the men but he never asked to read them. He'd like to think Damon had found what he needed with his brother, even if that meant closure.

Damon and Elena had spent so much time doing things for him that he worried they forgot about themselves. They were people, too, with hearts that had been super fragile not so long ago. Just because they were adults and parents didn't mean they didn't fall to pieces from time to time. They had their faults and weakness, too, but they were kid's stuff compared to his birth parent's issues. It warmed his heart to know they showed him their vulnerability from time to time. They were truly a unit. He didn't need the adoption papers to be signed to know that. He was sure glad they _had_ signed them, though. Life felt new and fresh with them, and he couldn't imagine not calling them Mom and Dad.

As the days progressed into years, he realized he hadn't really known what a real Mom was as a kid. The little boy inside of him wished Caroline would've loved herself enough to stay clean even if she wasn't in prison, but he knew better. He'd been born to the wrong people, he decided, and there wasn't a damn thing about any of it that was his fault.

"You could've gotten into UCLA if you wanted. He'd be coaching you instead of watching you from the other dugout. You could be here with all of us…with Nat again…she's a good girl, Chase. She is…"

"Give that up, man," he frowned. "She and I were…well, how many high school loves do you know that actually work out? It's just not right…I just can't right now," his head filled with memories of Homecoming dances and football games…long rides in his beat up car that ended up with them talking for hours under a blanket of stars. She'd been his first everything….

Those were just the highlights, though, and as he watched her laugh with their other friends on that now chilly sand below their feet, his heart broke. She'd was older, but she'd been perfect until a party right before her graduation where he'd seen her wasted and smoking pot. Yeah, he couldn't go there again. It was one time, she said, and he believed her, but that was one time too many for him just then. They weren't Stefan and Caroline. He was _not_ them…

It was a shame she had to go and do one of the only things that would push him away. He might have even loved her.

It hadn't ended well and they could barely make eye contact these days…but she was there, saying goodbye to him again in her own way, and that was more than she'd done in September. She's stuck around Los Angeles, working to save up money for school.

His friends told him she really hadn't done it again, that she was sorry and a mess about him, even. Something in his heart knew that no matter how much he cared about her, he couldn't set himself up for disaster. He couldn't. A lot of people did drugs, it was only pot…no big deal they said, but it was to him. It was a very big deal to him. Women were head-spinning sometimes. He gave Damon a lot of credit for holding on tightly to a good woman the second he'd found her. He was still young but he could only hope to find a girl that could love him the way Elena loved Damon. When he saw the love that radiated between them he hardly felt worthy.

Dan was staring at him again and he realized he wasn't sure he'd answered his friend.

"Dude, are you even listening? Your Dad is a baseball _god_….you know that, right?" Dan reminded him. "Damn shame he missed his shot at the big leagues," he turned his wrist around in circles a few times. "But his new job is pretty kick ass, too. Coaching the future...just sucks you're against each other now…"

"Eh, we've always rooted for different teams. That's just us," he smiled as he thought back to that first reunion at the airport. It had always been Angels v. Dodgers. This was nothing new…he kind of liked that they could tease each other a little bit about it. When it came right down to it, though, he was really damn proud of what Damon had done. He'd worked for Finn until last year, when he'd been signed on as an assistant coach for Bruins' baseball. He'd been unhappy with his job and overworked for a while, but he was the man of the house, he'd said, and that meant he did what he had to in order to support his family. He was a good man…a _great_ man…and Chase wanted to be just like him.

The scent of grilled hot dogs and hamburgers wafted through the air again and he remembered what Damon had said about getting more food. This was not time to be a pansy and dote on his homesickness. People were there to remind him they loved him before he went on his way again and he took that to heart. There was a time when school had been the least of his concerns. If he'd kept on the path he'd been treading on back then, there was a chance he may have never graduated at all.

Back when he'd lived with Stefan, he'd always planned on getting out once he turned 18 and not looking back. He hadn't always assumed it would be through college…probably would've left while he was still in high school, gotten a studio apartment somewhere or tried to live with a buddy. But things were far different now. He hadn't moved away from Damon and Elena because he couldn't stand to be there anymore. He was going to college so he had the tools to build a good future.

His grades were good now. It was the first time he'd _wanted_ to do well at school. They'd never pressured him to go. They'd made it clear that they would have supported him if he'd chosen to stick back in LA and find an apprenticeship or full-time job. They loved him no matter what, he knew, and that made everything easier.

He had goals and dreams just like any other kid. Baseball and fun aside, he wanted to be a social worker. The way he saw it, he wasn't the only guy who'd had a rough time in life. Not everyone was as fortunate as he was to have people like Damon and Elena to help turn things around.

So yeah, he was off, doing the college thing, being his own person. And it was cool, for the most part, but he could admit to himself he missed the friendly reminders to do laundry every weekend and the nervous look on Elena's face when he came through the front door half an hour past curfew. When given the chance, he was thrilled to come home.

But there'd be time for all that heavy thinking later, when he was alone in the car and didn't have to be so brave for his Mom.

Dan didn't run as deep as him. He only saw the outside of his friend, not the warm insides that kept his big heart beating. He was all about baseball now, and not about sadness.

"Well, I think it's kind of cool…you and Damon. Worthy of a cutesy story in the paper or some shit like that," Dan called back. "Father and son taking over the college baseball scene, but I gotta wonder…who will your Mom cheer for?"

Chase shook his head and smiled. "Yeah, she said she's not choosing sides,"

"You know I'm envious. I'll be at a junior college in a few months…none of this big time stuff…"

"Dude, I'm hardly a celebrity here. There's a chance I only made it for my name, anyway. I'm the god of baseball's son, right? It's just something to do."

"Or you could finally take some credit for something," Dan rolled his eyes. "You're awesome and you know it. Don't pull this modest garbage with me. You worked hard for this. And we miss you like hell, but we're happy for you. That's about as soft as I'm gonna get, and don't expect a hug,"

"Shut up," he laughed. "But thanks. And just…" he glanced back at Natalie again, "Make sure she's okay. Please make sure she's safe. We're not okay, but I need her to be," he swallowed.

"Sure thing," Dan's arm froze just before he was about to throw the ball back, as a little bouncing brown head of hair found its way in the big gap between them.

"Chase, Chase, let me play, come on. Let me play…."

Dan's arm dropped to his side and Chase wiped his sandy hands on his white shorts before crouching down so they were eye level. His baby sister's eyes were big pools of milk chocolate; he melted every time he saw her and she knew it. With a brilliant flash of her little teeth and a wiggle of her cute eyebrows, his heart grew three sizes. It was like staring right into the eyes of a beautiful future.

Oh, she had them all wrapped around her little finger. She'd been a surprise, a miracle of sorts…the one thing they didn't know they needed until they'd learned she existed. Damon and Elena only been married two months when she found out she was pregnant. She was a new wife sitting on top of adoption papers and suddenly she had another person to worry about. She'd be lying if she said it was all sunshine and unicorns when she'd first found out. She'd been ready for a baby down the road, but fate had other plans. Their gift came early.

Chase still remembered the scared look in her eye, the way she'd stared at her flat stomach for hours, smoothing the skin as if trying to remember something. She'd cried when she'd seen that positive sign and he'd prayed they were happy tears. He and Damon had panicked; she'd been so good…so calm and cool and free since they'd found him in Virginia…but the tiniest flicker of doubt found its way into her eyes. She wasn't angry, of course, just surprised. Birth control wasn't so great against a weak immune system…she knew that now. But the doubt and worry faded and her heart soon warmed. She took things one thing at a time and it was okay if it took her a little longer to get used to the idea than it would have if she'd never had a child of her own. It was big…earth-shattering for her, a breakthrough that came with a lot of tears and smiles. Her demons were few and far between now.

Telling Damon she was pregnant was very different than her first pregnancy reveal with Jace so many years ago. Her husband's eyes had filled with tears and Chase's chest had tightened at the sight. That was real, honest love, and he wasn't ashamed to say he was proud to be a part of it. He'd never wanted a sibling with his birth parents. God forbid they bring another child into their mess of a family. This was a great addition to their already wonderful life.

He missed a lot of things while he was away at school, but his baby sister was right on top. He watched over her with everything he had.

He smiled and shook his head gently, bringing his hand up to move her thin little braid onto her shoulder. "You're still up? How much dessert did you eat, huh?" He watched her lip fall into a pout when he didn't mention them playing ball. "Hey, what do you have behind your back?" He went to tickle her sides until she pulled on a tiny blue and yellow Cal baseball cap.

"I'm a Golden Bear, too…just like you," she smiled. "So, can I come with you to school now? I'm older now..."

How the hell could he explain to his nearly three-year-old sister that he had to go back…that he would be around even less than he already had been? He promised himself to try to make an extra trip or two home this semester, even if it meant he was tired and had to do homework at night. His schedule was packed, but he'd never be _too_ busy for his family. He wasn't that type of son. He wasn't that type of big brother, either.

"I wish you could, Evie," he tugged the bill of the hat up to see her eyes. "But you've got to stay home and take care of Mom and Dad,"

"I guess. And Jax, too…." She added, kicking some sand with her little shoe. She didn't look up at him and he knew why. He'd seen big tears in her eyes when he'd told her the other day that it was almost time to go back.

"Definitely Jax," he nodded. "How'd you even get out here by yourself? It's almost dark, kiddo. Where's Mom?" he squinted toward the house, relieved to see more little feet pounding into the sand, and Elena right behind them.

"Speak of the monster," he smiled, lifting the one-year-old up in his arms. "You eat cake, bud?" The little raven haired boy giggled and gave him a four-toothed smile. Chase laughed. "That's what I thought." He wiped a smudge of chocolate off the corner of his lips before he focused on Elena.

"It's barely 70 degrees. How are you sweating?" She frowned, noticing his shirt slung around the back of his neck. He seemed taller and stronger every time she saw him.

"Getting a workout. I run hot anyway, you know that," he reminded her. "Anyway, you eat?" He asked, pulling hi blue _Cal_ t-shirt off his shoulders and tugged it over his head to cover his chest. He wasn't surprised when she said no. She and Damon had both been running around all day entertaining. They had plenty of room to accommodate the group and lots of food. It seemed no matter how content the guests were Elena just couldn't relax. She claimed it was just the party but he knew otherwise. She'd been a little too quiet around him since New Year's Eve.

He'd always overheard the things he wasn't supposed to, and his most recent eavesdrop had told him Elena was a mess about him leaving again. She'd also called herself selfish about that fact and he barely had the energy to even get into that with her. Other than Damon, she was the most _selfless_ person he knew. It was hardly selfish to miss her son.

Even though she and Damon had children of their own…that they'd created…that they were raising from day one, he'd never felt different or unimportant. He'd felt an equal love from them and a part of him wished he could have selective amnesia and pretend he'd never met Stefan and Caroline.

"Well it might not be summer but you can still get dehydrated and I really don't need you passing out today, so hand over the kids and let's go," he took a swig of water from his bottle that was stuck in the sand. "Chill out…this party is awesome. You have nothing to worry about. I'm good,"

Hm. Yeah, he said he was fine but the look in his eyes said otherwise. She'd loved that boy for more than three years and he was about as transparent as it got when it came to emotions with her. When he'd gotten the acceptance letter in the mail and his recruitment for baseball had been confirmed, he'd been ecstatic. He'd talked non-stop about what kind of stuff he wanted to do, what kind of classes he might take.

Then he'd walked across that stage almost 8 months ago and suddenly his excitement had turned into serious nerves. Her heart swelled at the thought of it all. She'd seen him so low, so young, it seemed, and watched him grow. She may have missed out on his early days…wouldn't ever see him learn like Jax and Evie did now, but those three and a half years she did have were solid and precious. There would always be something special between them.

Of course she'd known he'd leave home one day. She hadn't expected him to live with them while he went to school. He'd worked hard and deserved what he earned. The pride she felt almost outweighed that sinking feeling in her chest. She reminded herself this wasn't a forever goodbye like she'd had to share with Cade. Chase would come home. He'd grow up and still come home. She wasn't losing him at all….she was sharing him with the rest of the world.

They'd had their typical parent-child tiffs here and there, but Chase was a wonderful son. He was kind and patient with the kids. He helped around the house when he was home. He worked a part-time job at a coffeehouse a few miles away and had saved up enough money to buy a somewhat beaten up but fully functional car. He didn't take hand outs and he hated pity. She was thankful he hadn't taken after Stefan in that department.

Their life together really couldn't have gone a better way. They had years ahead of them, but she couldn't help but feel her heart break at the thought of this chapter of their lives closing. There was something so bittersweet about him growing up.

"I'm okay. You worry too much about me," she sighed as Evie began to run circles around their legs. "And I love you for that," she caught his eyes. "Hang out with your friends. You don't see them often…"

"We're done here…we're good," he shot a quick glance at Dan who gave him a nod and headed off to another group of their friends. "Catch up with you later, Dan! And remember what I said before…please…" He waved, and the dark haired guy gave him a friendly nod before giving an extra pearly smile at Elena.

"See ya, Mrs. Salvatore," he wiggled his eyebrows. "Awesome party…I'd love to help clean up. And when this kid's off at school and your husband's out on the road, feel free to call me if you need the grass cut or a little pool cleaning…" He lingered a bit until he felt Chase punch him in the arm.

"Dude, come _on_…none of that MILF shit here, got it? Get moving…you're killing our moment,"

"If you don't know it by now, my friends _love_ you," he rolled his eyes and smiled. "Now come on, let's head back in and get something to eat. I'm down for seconds," he patted his hard stomach and took a swig of water. "I heard you were grilling."

"You didn't have to do that," Elena said, her eyes widening as Evie continued her circles in the sand until she fell down face first. They exchanged a small smile before she dipped down to pick her up and brush her off. Life was hectic, wild even, but she wouldn't change a thing about how it had ended up. "We're not going to run out of food anytime soon. I told your Dad there _is_ such a thing as overkill when it comes to how many burgers we needed, but you know he doesn't listen. If I didn't grill we'd be stuck with a bunch of frozen meat and no way to eat it up fast enough," her voice lowered at the meaning in her words. He'd be gone.

"Yeah, maybe that's where I get it from. Trust me. You didn't interrupt anything. Look, Dan's already entertaining the ladies. He'll thank me later," he smiled. The truth was his heart was in a sad, nostalgic place right now, trying to hang onto any and every memory he could make of their little family of five.

"Grandma, grandma…." Evie called, jumping into Miranda's arms when they got inside. "Did you hear? I'm going away to school with Chase tomorrow."

Elena fought back the stinging in her eyes. As much as she'd miss Chase, she knew Evie and Jax couldn't possibly understand that was life was going to go back to the way it was in the fall. She smiled sadly, stroking her daughter's hair as she looked into Miranda's eyes, searching for something she couldn't put her finger on. Comfort, understanding, comradely in motherhood...they were all things she hadn't really allowed herself to feel when Cade had been around. She'd been stubborn and insisted she could do a lot of it on her own. Now she knew, she was never too old for her mother's shoulder or advice.

Miranda knew it, too. Elena was no stranger to three-year-olds; this was an age she knew too well. The shock that had rolled through her system when she found out she was pregnant was overwhelming. She'd visited Cade's grave that day, insisting she needed to tell him although she knew he was probably too busy with the angels. She felt guilty, but she'd crossed her fingers for a girl. Chase was one thing, but the thought of raising another little boy just reminded her of Cade. When she'd found out they were having a girl she relaxed a little, and by the time Jax came to be she was ready for a little boy again. Her children were her life and she was grateful for every single one of them. They didn't erase the little boy she'd loved before. They made her remember how precious every moment was.

She was proud of herself. She'd spent a lot of time over the years being proud of Chase and Damon and what they'd become, but she'd barely taken the time to sit back and realize how well she'd done. For someone with a permanent grey cloud above her heart since the death of her son, she managed to find a rainbow in most everything these days. Even Chase leaving was a good kind of pain. It meant she'd done her job as a mother.

He was a good kid. He had his head on straight and would learn from any mistakes he might make. He was in a good place, for the most part, and while he'd probably have more exposure to the drug and alcohol scene than he did in high school, she was confident that was something she didn't have to worry about with him. He had a whole past sitting on his shoulder and that was greater than any conscious. A semester into school he showed strength.

She remembered signing the adoption paperwork. Her heart had nearly exploded as she slid her pen along the dotted line, working out a beautiful _Elena Salvatore_. That first day just felt different. He was safe in his bed, like he was every night, yet she couldn't catch a wink of sleep. While she'd been taking care of him for a while, she hadn't been anyone's mother in a very long time. The responsibilities felt new again. The boy reminded her just how capable of a mother she was….that even if she'd lost herself for more than ten years, she hadn't forgotten how to love. She'd lived to share that love with people she didn't even know back then. Now it was hard to remember them ever being strangers.

"Have a seat, sweetheart," Miranda patted the chair next to her, sending her small smile.

Three grandchildren in just a few short years was certainly a blessing that hadn't gone unnoticed. There were few things she was more grateful for as she looked into her daughter's loving eyes. She may be grown and have children of her own, but she would always still be her little Elena. She'd found her dream, even if it took a little longer than she would have liked.

Chase pressed a kiss to Miranda's cheek and gave a small smile to Elena before he pointed to the patio with his thumb. "Gonna grab another burger. I'll be back with yours in a minute and don't you even tell me no," his eyes widened for effect. He set Jax down on the ground in front of them and headed outside to the deck.

Elena's eyes brightened, maybe from tears, and she swept Jax up onto her lap before she let herself relax into the soft material of the chair. His hair was dark and soft and fell into his big blue eyes. She pushed it aside to give him a kiss on the forehead and tuck him against her pounding heart. Out of the corner of her eye she saw Damon kissing his mother's cheek. Slowly but surely they were going to fix it. He needed his mother, and despite her horrible choices during his life, he had a hard time giving her up. He'd learned to love forgiveness. Everyone needed it once in a while. Not Guiseppe. Never Giuseppe. They hadn't spoken again after Caroline's sentencing. He'd died as the father of only one man.

But she heard her little son coo again and wrapped her arms around him tightly. She was hypersensitive that day…that had to be it. Almost everything brought up a memory. Even Jax.

_I want to name him after my Dad…my real Dad…Jackson…._

Damon had nearly sobbed when his son was born. He'd cried when Evie was born, too, but there was something so different when he held Jax. Daddy's and little girls had their own special relationship. It was easy for him to play with her and show her how much she meant to him.

But a boy was different. It was his way to heal, to remember a man he'd never known and seek closure for someone he hadn't known he'd lost until just a few years ago. He'd missed out on the chance to have a relationship with his birth father, but he imagined him as strong and loving. Now he'd be damned if he let a moment pass that this little boy didn't know how much he loved him.

Janie walked into the room alone and gave her grandchildren a kiss on their heads. "Goodbye, sweetie," she leaned down to kiss Elena on the cheek. "Thank you for this…" she smiled. "Something tells me it was your idea to invite me and…well, I just wanted to say I appreciate that. You're doing a great job with my son and grandchildren. Better than I ever did," she smiled sadly.

Elena smiled back through a clenching stomach. It still all broke her heart, but Damon had agreed to her suggestion and that was better than nothing. "Thanks," she sighed. "We'll see you soon okay? Did you get a chance to say goodbye to Chase?"

"Yeah," she smiled, tucking her hair behind her eyes. Elena still couldn't believe how very similar her eyes were to Damon's. "Yeah, I did. And Damon, too," those blue eyes softened. "So thank you,"

Without another word she was out the door. She was alone in many ways now, and as damaged as everything was between them all, Elena couldn't stand the thought of it. Giuseppe had been a bitter, cruel man, but he was still her husband. She had still loved him. It was hard to stomach the thought of losing Damon one day…

She turned her eyes back to her own mother. She was so grateful things were pretty easy between them. Life had a way of balancing out the bad with some serious blessings.

"Thanks for coming today," Elena smiled, catching her Miranda's eyes again. "It means a lot to us. This turned into something bigger than I had originally planned, but it's great that he has so many people that love him," she smiled.

They talked for a little while, watching the sky turn darker through the big bay window.

* * *

"What was it like when I left home?" Elena finally said. The question had been on the tip of her tongue for a while, but she hadn't had the courage to ask it.

"Oh," Miranda let out a big breath and smiled sadly. "Well, things were different with that, of course. I think I nearly died, to be honest." Her eyes were tender. "Because I wanted so many wonderful things for you but I worried you wouldn't let yourself find them. I knew you were strong, I just didn't know if _you_ knew that."

"I didn't," Elena shrugged. "I was a charity case by my own decision. I know I didn't appreciate what you offered me and I'm sorry. And I know it's kind of late now, but I get it. I didn't want you to think of me as a baby forever, but now I'm faced with the same thing. Chase is leaving again and I can't help but think of him as that skinny boy who couldn't shove enough food in his face," she smiled. "I don't want him to stop needing me. Does that make me selfish?"

"No sweetie. And he won't," Miranda shook her head. "Good men always need their mothers,"

_Even Damon…_

Elena smiled thinking back to the way she'd seen Damon kiss Janie's cheek just a moment ago.

"I never stopped needing you, you know," Elena swallowed. "I still do…think I always will,"

"Well I hope so," Miranda said with a broken voice as she touched her daughter's hand and a tear slid down her cheek. "We'll keep each other afloat, okay? Though your nest isn't quite so empty," she smiled at her sleepy grandkids. "Lots of years before you guys are alone,"

"Yeah," Elena smiled, blinking away her own emotions with a smile. "We've never been alone," she realized. "Wonder what that'll be like," she smiled.

Their tender moment lightened when Mason walked up to them with their little Logan in his arms. She swallowed back a lump and told herself it was going to be okay. Logan looked a lot like Cade, but then again, Cade looked a lot like Katherine, she reminded herself. It couldn't mess with her head, she knew, and she loved her Godson as one of her own.

"I think we're going to head out," he said softly so he wouldn't wake his sleeping son. "Kat's got a doctor appointment in the morning and this guy is up at 5 a.m. as it is. You know how that goes,"

"Come on, Mase. Coffee tastes great at 5 a.m., don't you think?" Damon slapped his buddy on the shoulder and Elena smiled. "At least that's what we tell ourselves to keep sane."

Elena was happy her husband fit into her little family so easily. Judging by the fact that Damon was now inside, she figured her Dad would be soon behind. They'd found themselves in rounds of cards and domestic beers and she couldn't be happier. Sometimes her life felt almost too comfortable, she realized. She reminded herself that it made no sense to live as if something bad was going to happen at any moment. She'd done that for years and it hadn't worked out. If something went wrong, well…then it did, and they'd make it. Together they'd always make it.

Kat walked in with her rounded belly and smiled at a now dozing Evie in Miranda's lap. "These monkeys are worn out. Thank you for having us. It was nice to see Chase again. I got a chance to talk to him about school and he sounds like he's really making an effort. I'm glad for it,"

"We are too," Elena assured her and leaned over to take Evie from her mother's arms as the woman motioned to stand.

"Yeah, I suppose we should go, too….give you guys some time to relax and have some family time tonight," she looked between Elena and Damon knowingly as Grayson stepped into the room.

"You're welcome anytime," Damon hugged her goodbye then turned to shake his father-in-law's hand firmly. "This means a lot to Chase…us, too."

"Take care, baby," Grayson kissed his daughter's head then moved to peck Evie and Jax on the foreheads, too. He might be older but he still had plenty of energy in him to play with her baby.

* * *

And just like that the crowd was gone. Chase's friends had said goodbye and Elena was soon alone with her thoughts again. Chase was grown and starting a life of his own in another city and in another year or two Evie would be in preschool and Jax would be out of diapers. It was amazing how quickly time had sped up once she'd let her start living.

Life was amazing, really, and she couldn't get enough.

The house hadn't gotten too messy, most everything had happened out on the deck and along the shore of the beach. The sky was filled with tiny stars and a big, bright moon. Damon had woken the kids to tell them goodnight, but looked forward to seeing their smiling faces in the morning before he left. They were early risers, after all, even on Sundays.

* * *

Once Damon was outside with Chase, Elena started in on her nightly routine. She read the kids a story before getting them settled in their separate rooms across the hall from one another. As she walked past Chase's room she smiled, noticing the light was on and his clothes were folded up into his duffel bag. It was nice to see life in his room. In another few years it would become a guest room, she knew, but until then she enjoyed the band posters and piles of blu-rays on his desk.

Their evenings worked like a well-oiled machine. She normally made herself a cup of chamomile tea and sat down with a book while Damon went over strategies for his team. They'd sit for hours, stealing glances at each other until one of them folded and found themselves snuggling up to the other. They were as fresh and wonderful as they'd been from the start. Kids and work hadn't stolen an ounce of fire from their systems; they still burned white hot.

But tonight she'd skip the tea. She walked down the hallway, sliding her eyes along the framed pictures hung on their brightly colored walls. There was so much wonder and so much hope in their children's eyes. They were happy and bright and carefree, giving themselves fully to everything life gave them. She couldn't have been more in love with the way everything turned out.

Her demons were far away now as her babies slept in their beds, safe and sound. She'd given herself up to life, too, letting her love for Damon save her. She was completely his without reservation, care or worry. Never would he harm her or break her heart. With every kiss goodnight, she was reminded that she'd made the right choices.

She passed their wedding picture on the mantle above the fireplace and smiled. It had been beautiful and small. Chase in full cap and gown was next to it, and a black and white picture of Jax and Evie in the sand sat on the other side. They were a good-looking, healthy family, the kind everyone hoped they'd have. Cade was there, too, in her teenage arms in a frame on the wall next to that big picture window.

Jax was too small to understand but Evie had asked. Cade was Mommy's angel, watching them all from heaven. He'd made sure she got to know her new babies. He may have even sent them to her.

She took a breath and pressed her hand up to the tick glass of that picture window. Through it, she saw the guys picking up frosting smeared paper plates and empty soda cans from the railing of their deck and talking under the stars. The smile on Damon's face said everything. He was proud to send their young man off into the real world again, but he'd miss him like hell, just as she would.

She made eye contact with Damon through the window and he stepped inside, kissing her on the lips quickly and pushing a strand of hair away from her eyes. "You okay?"

"Yeah, I'm good." She felt a rush of love flow through her, confirming her words. "Just thinking,"

His hand found hers, winding their fingers together when he caught her staring out the window at Chase, the tiniest of tears in her eyes. "He's okay, you know."

"I know," she let out a breath. "I just hate goodbyes," she shrugged. "I hated it in September and I'll hate it tomorrow, but I'll be okay, too. We all will," she squeezed his hand, meeting his blue stare again. It wasn't that they weren't happy when Chase was away at school. They had plenty of fun with the little ones and each other. Chase had just been so central to their lives since the beginning. She couldn't help but feel like a part of her heart was some 300 miles away. It was beautiful, really.

Damon nodded carefully. She didn't just hate goodbyes. She was afraid of them. Anyone who'd walked in her shoes would be; as blissfully happy as she was she was still fighting through that darkness. That was just one of the reasons he loved her. He struggled, too, to find the right words to say when that sadness crept into her pretty voice. He'd learned over the years that sometimes silence was the best medicine. They were not perfect by any means, but their love was close.

"I was thinking we could pop in a frozen pizza and sit out on the deck like old times tonight," he suggested. "I'm pretty sure he's not a fan of goodbyes, either, no matter what he says. I think he'd like it if we talked for awhile."

"Yeah, that'd be fun. The kids will be up early tomorrow, but I don't mind being a little tired if it means we can spend some time with him before he goes. He did seem a little quiet today,"

"You always say he's just like me," Damon smiled. "Which I take as a compliment, of course, but I see so much of you in him. He's deep and gentle, and he's awesome with the kids. He knows what's right and wrong and he'll probably screw up a few times, but I can only believe he'll make a good husband and father someday, too. Just think…_grandkids_."

"Damon, no," she laughed, playfully shoving him. "No grandkids right now, Jesus." His eyebrows lifted. "That's a part of you I hope he keeps at bay for a while. You'd think spending time with our little monsters would help him slow his roll with that one."

"Oh, sweetheart, you can't think he and Natalie didn't…" he laughed when she held her hand up to stop him from finishing his sentence.

"Let me think what I think," she smiled. "I don't really care to know about that." She shrugged. "Go on back out there with him. I'll throw in the pizza and be out in a few," she kissed him on the cheek. "I love you…." She paused, and just as he was about to open his mouth to say it back, she added, "And thank you,"

"For what?" He asked, confused.

"For everything, Damon," she said seriously. "For Chase, for Evie and Jax. This house, this _life_…for helping me find _me _again. For loving me despite my…" she shook her head, changing her mind. She didn't want to drag him down just then and turn this moment into something sad. "For loving me," she corrected herself. "For always loving me."

"Lena…" he eyes lit up. "Don't you dare thank me for any of that," he smiled sweetly. "I didn't know what love was until I met you. We are a team. We made this together. We built this life. This is ours and nothing and _no one_ can take it away from us," He pressed his lips to her forehead once more. "There are no goodbyes in this family, got it? Ever," His voice softened to a whisper at the last word, but his eyes stayed beautiful and bright. Everything about the way he looked at her told her no truer words had ever been spoken. "I love you," he finished, heading toward the door to meet up with their son outside again.

She nodded once, savoring another magic moment with him. There'd been so many in their four years together, and they didn't only show themselves in big events like weddings, births and graduations. Sometimes the sweetest, most fulfilling moments in life happened like this, a normal night right in the middle of their living room with their little ones in bed and their grown son halfway out the door. The simplicity was calming and wonderful, unmatched by any epic love story ever written. And as she peeled the plastic wrapper off a cheap frozen pizza and slid it into their oven, she couldn't think of a better way to say 'see you later' to the boy who'd changed her life for the better.

She slid the patio door open and stepped out into the cool night air. The rush of the ocean was barely audible, but there, a sweet lullaby that had rocked them all into peace over the years. She walked up to the edge of the deck next to Chase, resting her elbows on the railing and staring at the moon for a second before catching his eyes.

"You know, Mom, if you wanted to cheer for my team instead of Dad's, I'm sure he'd forgive you," he teased, bumping her lightly in the shoulder. She smiled, feeling herself relax. Now was not a time to wind her emotions up so tightly about what the following morning would be like. She felt Damon's chin rest on her shoulder as his arms wrapped around her from behind.

"Of course I would," he said close to her ear, sending a chill through her. "She just might have to beg a lot…"

"Gross," Chase said, shaking his head with a laugh. Elena let out a giggle. Yeah, they were still the same…every single one of them. They'd added a few family members and were a lot busier than they had been at the start, but nothing would change their fun. They'd always been this way; carefree, fun, broken pieces of a puzzle that had somehow come together to form something even more beautiful than was intended. She leaned her head on Chase's shoulder for a second before letting herself fall back into Damon. There were no two better men on the face of the earth, as far as she was concerned.

She'd endured more pain than a lot of people did in a lifetime, but for the first time she could look around her and honestly say she was happy with what she'd become. And while she still couldn't say '_I wouldn't change a thing,_' she believed there was a reason for everything that had happened.

Life was beautiful, amazing even. And out of all the people she'd known and stories she'd heard, theirs was her favorite. Damon was right. There weren't goodbyes in their family, only '_see you soon'_, '_I love you', _and_ 'what's next_?' because theirs was a story she wouldn't ever let end.

* * *

**A/N: I'll keep this one short. I've known how I was going to end this story for awhile, but I didn't when I started it. It could have gone in many different directions but as it progressed, I could only see this happy ending for them. Of course they're not perfect. They each are still working through their issues, but the point is that they're doing it together. They've all had their faith in love and family restored after years of thinking it just wasn't worth it. It has been so fun getting them here, and I will miss this story greatly. Once again, thank you, honestly, for every minute you spent reading and reviewing.**

* * *

**I have plans for a new story, but I'll be insanely busy in the coming months. I hope to stock up on chapters so that when I do eventually post the story the updates won't be so few and far between. The title is "Through the Ghost," based on the Shinedown song. Here's a short summary of what's to come:**

_**Through the Ghost:**_

_**Damon, a carefree solider and Elena, a no-nonsense physical therapist at a US Army base, were tossed together under ordinary circumstances. Stuck somewhere between attraction and resistance, they struggle to define their relationship. When fate makes a decision for them, she's left with nothing more than a picture and a promise. Years later, a frustrated and heartbroken Elena struggles to make good on that promise when she discovers nothing more than a ghost of the only man she's ever allowed herself to need. **_


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